Secret Love

Part 6

Two weeks had passed since the confrontation with Brian and Justin still saw the pain in those hazel eyes every hour of every day. He hadn’t had a good night sleep since they broke up and his appetite had all but disappeared. Darren had been after him relentlessly, but all he could do was assure his friend that he was okay and continue to hide away from everyone else. His grades were dropping and he had met with a few of his professors, trying to find a way to keep from failing the semester, but it looked like the damage had already been done. Despite his straight A status before the break-up, he was seriously in danger of failing. On top of that, his mother and Michael called constantly, wanting to know why he hadn’t been around. He managed to hold them off as long as he could, but it was his mother’s birthday and he knew he’d never be able to stay away without causing some kind of intervention. As he put on his belt, the only thing that kept his jeans from falling because of his weight loss, he thought about the excuse he could use to get out of the evening as early as possible. Maybe if he claimed he needed the extra study time for finals, they wouldn’t give him a hard time. It wasn’t like he’d be lying. If he didn’t pull a perfect score on his tests, passing would be impossible.

Darren had loaned him his car and Justin drove the short distance to the house quickly. He wanted to get the night over with so he could go back to his room and stare at the ceiling. His favorite pastime as of late. He parked the car and climbed out, taking a deep breath before going inside. He found his mother and Michael sitting in the living room waiting for him.

“Well it’s about time you got here, Justin. We were starting to get…shit, what the fuck happened to you?” Debbie shrieked when she took in her son’s appearance. “You look like hell.”

“Thanks Mom, you’re looking wonderful, too,” Justin replied sarcastically as he walked over and kissed his mother on the cheek. “Hey Mikey.”

“Justin, are you alright?” Michael asked with concern.

“I’m fine. I’ve just been busy studying for finals. I guess I haven’t been getting enough sleep,” Justin lied, hoping that they’d believe his story. He should’ve known better.

“More like you haven’t been getting any,” Debbie replied. “And when was the last time you ate a decent meal? You’re nothing but skin and bones.”

“Mom, I’m fine. I swear,” Justin insisted.

“The hell you are,” she exclaimed. “Michael, do me a favor and run down to the market. Since I’ve been on my diet I haven’t been keeping too much in the house, but it’s obvious that your brother needs more than baked chicken for dinner.”

“Ma, Justin’s a big boy. Maybe he doesn’t want…”

“Do what I say Michael,” Debbie demanded.

Michael looked over at Justin apologetically before grabbing his keys and heading out of the house, leaving Justin and Debbie alone.

“Now that he’s gone, you’ve got five seconds to tell me what’s eating you or I’m pulling you out of that fancy school of yours and keeping you here where I can force feed you.”

“Mom, I’m…”

“If you say the word fine I’m going to smack you right upside that pretty little head of yours. Now out with it,” she prodded.

“I…I just miss him so much,” Justin admitted softly.

“Who baby? Who do you miss?”

“Brian.”

“Brian? But I thought you both decided that things weren’t working out. Michael said the break up was mutual,” Debbie replied before her own words sunk in. “Oh baby, what did you do?”

“What choice did I have? Michael never would’ve forgiven me if I stayed with Brian. As much as I love him, I can’t risk losing my own brother. You always said that blood was thicker than marinara sauce. You and Michael have been my blood since I was three years old. I couldn’t turn my back on that,” Justin said as those damn tears started falling again.

“Oh Justin, my poor selfless baby. I know how much you love Michael, but you can’t sacrifice the person you love just to make him happy. Look at yourself. You’re a mess. Do you really think that’s what Michael wants?” Debbie walked over and took her son in her arms. “Now let’s go. I’m taking you up to your old room and you’re going to get some sleep. Then when you wake up I’m going to feed you until you explode. After that we’ll work on fixing this mess you got yourself in. Got it?”

“Oh Mom, I’m so tired. I didn’t think I could ever be this tired,” Justin cried as he allowed his mother to lead him up the stairs. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Debbie watched Justin sleep until she heard Michael return from the store and then went down to knock some sense into that thick head of his. She found him in the kitchen emptying the bag of groceries he bought.

“Charles Michael Novotny what have you done?” she yelled from the doorway, causing Michael to drop the loaf of Italian bread he was holding.

“Jesus Ma, you scared the shit out of me. What are you yelling for?” Michael asked as he retrieved the bread.

“You’ve done a lot of stupid things in your life, but this really takes the cake. How could you do something like that to your own brother?”

“Do what? What are you talking about?” Michael asked in confusion.

“Did you look at him? He’s a mess. He’s not sleeping, he hasn’t been eating, and it’s all your fault. That poor boy is up there dying of a broken heart. You just had to break them up, didn’t you? You couldn’t handle the fact that Justin loves you like a brother. No, that wasn’t enough for you. You have to drag him away from the one man he loves and look what it’s done to him,” Debbie ranted. “I’ve never known you to be that selfish.”

“Look Ma, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I never asked Justin to stop seeing Brian. He offered. And besides, Brian never believed in love. Hell, Justin didn’t either. How can you say…”

“He offered because he loves you so much that he’d do anything for you. Including giving up the one person that made him happy. As for them not believing in love, you’re right. They didn’t. Until they found it with each other. But you had to take that away from them. You couldn’t give them the happiness they deserve because you thought it was keeping you from your own happiness. Well I got news for you. Justin is never going to be yours. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Why can’t you be happy that he’s happy, instead of making yourself and everyone around you miserable?”

Michael didn’t have a response to that. Instead he thought about what his mother way saying. He thought about how bad Justin looked and suddenly felt guilty over being the cause of it. If what she was saying was true, he caused the man he loved to become physically sick because of his selfish desire to keep him for himself. Even though he knew deep down that they would never be more than brothers. Then he thought about Brian. After he didn’t show up at the convention, Michael had gone by the loft, but he got no answer. Since then he’d tried calling him a couple of time, but he either got his voice mail or was told by his assistant at Ryder that he was tied up in meetings. He never really gave it a thought about how both Brian and Justin would react to the break up. He remembered the night he found them together in Justin’s dorm room. Before he made his presence known, he heard them professing their love for each other. Michael had been convinced that whoever Justin was seeing wasn’t important to him, but what if he was wrong? What if Brian and Justin really loved each other and were meant to be together. Could he live with himself if he was the reason they were miserable?

“Shit Ma, I didn’t think…I mean, I never really thought about how they would feel if they weren’t together. I never wanted to hurt them,” Michael said guilty. “What have I done? Brian’s not even talking to me. I didn’t realize it until now, but he won’t take my calls. And Justin…he looks so devastated. What am I going to do?”

“Baby I know this is hard for you, but if you love them; really love them, you need to get them back together before it’s too late,” Debbie said, quickly turning back into the caring mother she always was. “Justin’s sleeping and probably will be for awhile. Go to Brian and talk to him. Let him know that Justin needs him and that you’re okay with that.”

“But what if he won’t listen to me?”

“Make him listen,” Debbie offered with a small smile.

Michael hugged is mother, whispering in her ear. “I never meant to hurt them.”

“I know baby. Now’s your chance to make it up to them. Now get going. I’ve got food to prepare.”

Michael wasted no time at all in making his way to the loft. He was happy to see that the jeep was parked in its usual spot. Now all he had to do was get Brian to listen to him. He buzzed the loft and waited, thrilled when Brian answered.

“Yeah?”

“Brian, it’s me. Please don’t shut me out. I have to talk to you,” Michael insisted, hoping he still had his friend’s attention. “It’s about Justin.” He waited a minute, wondering if he was wasting his time, before he heard the locked on the door being released. He by-passed the elevator and jogged up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He needed to make things right again before anyone suffered any longer. When he reached Brian’s floor, he was happy to see that the door had been left open for him. He walked inside and searched the room, his eyes finally landing on Brian as he stood by the window with his back to the door.

“You’ve got two minutes and then you’re out of here,” Brian said emotionlessly.

“Brian, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. Well, I guess I wasn’t really thinking. I didn’t realize how serious you and Justin were. He came to the house that night…he said that he’d stop seeing you and I guess I just thought…I don’t know what I thought. And you’ve been avoiding me. Refusing to take my calls, but I told myself that you were just busy. That eventually everything would return to normal. I didn’t know how bad things were until Justin showed up for Ma’s birthday tonight. Brian, he looks bad. Really, really bad.” Michael stopped talking and waited for a sign that Brian was listening. He’d almost given up hoped when he heard his friend’s faint reply.

“What do you mean bad?”

“He’s got these dark circles under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept in weeks and he’s lost so much weight. He’s miserable without you. Brian? Look at me.” Michael watched as Brian turned around and he gasped at what he saw. Justin’s worn looks matched Brian’s perfectly. “God Brian, you look like shit.”

“Thanks Mikey,” Brian replied sarcastically. “Where is he?”

“He’s sleeping back at the house. Ma sent me over here to get you. I’m really sorry, Brian. Please come home with me. Justin needs you and by the looks of it, you need him too.”

“Are you sure, Mikey? I can’t go to him if you’re not going to be okay with us being together. Justin refuses to hurt you and neither one of us can take another break up.”

“I’m okay, but even if I wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter. I love you both too much to hurt you like this. I’m only sorry it took so long for me to realize how much you need each other. I guess I’ve always been a little slow when it came to seeing what was right in front of me, haven’t I?”

“That’s rhetorical, isn’t it?” Brian teased, trying to lighten the air in the room as he was filled with a sense of hope after weeks of despair. “Go on back. I’m gonna take a shower and clean up a bit. I’ll be there in a little while.”

“Just don’t take too long. I think you’ve wasted enough time already,” Michael said was a small smile.

Brian watched Michael turn to walk other the door and called out to him. “Mikey, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Just forgive me,” Michael replied.

“I already have.”

By the time Brian walked into the Novotny house, he was almost feeling like his old self again. He heard Debbie and Michael in the kitchen and thought about announcing himself, but the need to see Justin was just too strong. Instead he raced up the stairs and walked into Justin’s old room, stopping as soon as his eyes found his blond. Even in the darkened room, he could see the damage that their separation caused and cursed himself for not trying harder to get Justin to give in. He pushed away his regrets. He didn’t have time for regrets. He walked over to the bed and climbed in, taking Justin in his arms. It was a wonderful feeling that he missed in their time apart.

Justin felt himself being pulled into a pair of familiar arms, but he wasn’t sure if it was real or just another dream. He’d been having them every night since the day he sent Brian away.

“Brian?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” Brian whispered.

“What are you doing here? Where’s Michael?” Justin asked, trying to shake off the fog that had settled over him in sleep.

“He and Debbie are down stairs, probably cooking a feast for you. Michael told me you lost a little weight,” Brian replied softly.

“Michael told you? You talked to him about me?” Justin asked in confusion. Why were Brian and Michael talking about him?

“He showed up at the loft tonight. He’s worried about you. I think he’s finally ready to accept us,” Brian explained.

“Accept us? You mean…”

“Yeah, I mean us together. But even if he isn’t, I don’t care. This is stupid Justin. We’re miserable apart and I’m not going to let you push me away anymore. We’ve both come too far to throw what we have away, no matter what the reason is,” Brian said. “Now you either agree that we’re meant to be together or I’m going to throw you over my shoulder and take you back to the loft and tie you to the bed. From the feel of you in my arms, it wouldn’t be too hard. Have you eaten anything in the last couple of weeks?”

“I’ll have you know that I ate a cheeseburger and French fries on Monday,” Justin replied, trying to sound offended.

“Justin, it’s Thursday,” Brian pointed out.

“Oh,” he replied sheepishly. “Well then I guess it’s time to eat again.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Brian asked, placing a kiss on Justin’s forehead.

“Oh alright, we’re meant to be together. Now get out of my way. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since Monday,” Justin teased, feeling the dark cloud that he’d been living under suddenly disappear.

“Why you little brat,” Brian laughed before taking Justin in a heated kiss. The moment their lips met, they both forgot about the lure of food and spent the next hour reacquainting themselves with each other. They’d eat later. The important thing was they were back together, where they belonged.

%%%%%

One year later…

Justin put the last plate on the table and stood back to admire his work. He couldn’t believe that he was finally an official resident in the loft. After he and Brian got back together, they took their time reestablishing their relationship, but since then it had been growing deeper everyday. Justin had just finished up his sophomore year at PIFA when Brian asked him to move in and he didn’t hesitate to say yes. Since his space was limited at the dorm, he didn’t have a lot to pack and was moved in by the end of the night. He knew he’d miss rooming with Darren, but their friendship was strong enough to survive the separation and he was happy that they were finally taking the next step in their relationship. In fact, Darren himself had entered into a relationship six months earlier, with a guy no less, and he was enjoying the privacy that Justin’s departure gave him. He and his boyfriend Cole were taking up two of the place settings Justin had just finished laying out.

Debbie and her boyfriend Carl were also among the invited guests. She had met him in the diner a few months back and even though their relationship was still fairly new, everyone who knew them could see that they were made for each other. It was good to see someone taking care of his mother after all the years she spent taking care of others.

Michael and Ben were taking up the other two. Ben was a professor at Carnegie Mellon that Michael had met during the comic book convention that Brian had bailed on. Michael had talked to him a little bit that night and was surprised when the hunky professor tracked him down at the Big Q a month later, claiming to be unable to stop thinking about him. Ben wasn’t a comic book geek like Michael was, but he did find them interesting. His natural instinct to research and his desire to learn more about them lead him to meet Michael and he told anyone who listened that he was thankful to Captain Astro for bringing them together.

It had taken them two years to get to where they were, but Justin and Michael were finally where they should be in their lives. Brothers who shared a strong bond and a need to see each other happy. Justin was so lost in thought that he never heard Brian get out of the shower and jumped when he felt familiar arms grab him from behind.

“Tell me again why we’re doing this?” Brian asked as he nuzzled Justin’s neck.

“Because civilized couples entertain and throw dinner parties on occasion.” Justin smiled at the growl that Brian made. “And because I promised you one of my famous blow jobs if you behaved yourself tonight.”

“Oh yeah, that’s the reason,” Brian teased.

“Don’t get too over confident. You haven’t behaved yourself yet,” Justin reminded him.

“Don’t worry. Just the thought of that warm mouth wrapped around me is enough to keep me in line,” Brian assured him as he nibbled on his ear lobe. “But we’ve still got about forty five minutes. Why don’t you give me a sample of what’s going to happen later?”

“You’re incorrigible,” Justin laughed.

“I know. That’s why you love me,” Brian replied as he spun Justin around and looked into his eyes.

“I do, you know,” Justin assured him.

“I know. I do, too.”

They made good use of the next forty-five minutes, showing each other how much they loved one another, confident that their relationship was finally on solid ground. Their love was no longer a secret and during their dinner party, when they announced their plans for their commitment ceremony, they knew that everyone, even Michael was truly happy for them. Almost as happy as Brian and Justin themselves, and that was saying something.


The end
02/03/06

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