Secret Love

Part 3

For the next month, things between Brian, Justin, and Michael settled into a bit of a routine. Brian started working at Ryder and enjoyed every minute of it. His office wasn’t nearly as big as he would’ve liked it to be, but he fit in with the rest of the staff well and Marty gave him a lot of responsibility which he eagerly handled with flair. Justin planned on looking for a job, but instead came across some web site work on the internet and started bringing in enough money to pay for the necessities without having to rely on his mother’s help. Michael was taking on more of an active roll at the Big Q, causing him to work long hours. He hated missing out on so many things with Brian and Justin, yet he needed to prove himself so when his manager retired the following year, he’d have a shot at being his replacement.

By the second week in July, Brian had moved into his new loft and was more than pleased with his decision to purchase it. It really was exactly what he was looking for, and he took pride in finally having something that belonged to him. He took great care in purchasing the furniture he needed to fill the open space and was pleased when he didn’t have to dip too much into his saving to do the job right. Justin helped him every step of the way, spending more time at the loft than he did in his own house. Neither one of them mentioned the night at Babylon, although the memories were still fresh in each of their minds, and if there was any awkwardness between them, they chose to ignore it.

It was the beginning of August before either of them had to face what was slowly building between them. It was a Friday night and Brian had a late meeting at the office he couldn’t get out of. He’d already scheduled to have his bed delivered after five. He’d been sleeping on a roll away bed that Debbie had loaned him while he searched endlessly to find the perfect bed and was anxious to it get it home once he had finally found it. Realizing that he wouldn’t make it there in time, he called Justin at lunchtime to ask for his help.

Justin was deep into a web site he was designing when the phone rang and pulled him away from his thoughts. “What?” he answered the phone angrily.

“Did I call at a bad time?” Brian asked when he heard the sharp tone in Justin’s voice.

“No, sorry Brian. I’ve just been sitting here at the computer for hours trying to get this web site ready for Monday’s deadline and thought you were yet another salesman. What’s up?”

“Never mind. I didn’t realize you were busy. I’ll just figure something else out,” Brian replied. He didn’t want to take Justin away from his work. The kid had already done more than enough to help Brian get settled in the loft.

“Brian, just tell me what you need. I’m not too busy to help a friend if he needs it,” Justin replied, feeling guilty for snapping when he answered the phone.

“I’ve got a late meeting but the bed’s coming tonight and I don’t want them to take it back,” Brian explained.

“No problem. I’ll work here until 4:30 and then head to the loft. I still have the extra key from the last time I waited for a delivery.”

“Are you sure? Your job is just as important as mine. If you need to stay home and work on it, I’ll figure something else out. Maybe Michael can do it for me,” Brian replied.

“He can’t. He didn’t go into work until a little while ago so he won’t be done until late. It’s really not a problem. I should be done what I’m doing by then but if I’m not I’ll just bring my notes to the loft and use your computer. I can access the web site from anywhere,” Justin assured him.

“Thanks Justin. If you want to wait for me to get there I’ll spring for dinner. We can try out that new Italian place off of Riverside.”

“I don’t think I’ll be up to going out. I’ve been sitting at this computer since seven and I still have hours ahead of me. Why don’t you just bring home some Thai? I’m not above taking a free meal from you but I’d rather just relax on the couch while I eat it,” Justin said teasingly.

“Okay, you’ve got a deal. I really didn’t want to go out tonight either. It’s been a long week here and next week is only going to be worse. I should be there by eight.”

“Alright, I’ll see you then. Oh and Brian, just to let you know, I haven’t had time to stop and eat today so I’ll probably be really hungry.”

“Order one of everything on the menu. Gotcha,” Brian laughed. “I don’t know how you eat all that you do and still manage to stay so thin without going to the gym.”

“I work out plenty. I just choose to do it in the back rooms as opposed to the gym. See you at eight.”

Brian hung up the phone with a smile on his face, but it was only because he knew he would have his bed to sleep in that night. It had nothing to do with knowing that Justin would be waiting for him when he got home.

By 7:30 Justin was sitting at Brian’s computer desk trying to focus on his work but failing miserably. He couldn’t keep his eyes from constantly roaming over to the bedroom where the delivery men set up the new bed. Justin had never seen a bed on a platform like Brian had bought. It was strangely erotic the way the simple piece of furniture stood out in the large room. He really needed to focus on what he was doing. Since he talked to Brian earlier, he managed to pick up another job and needed to get some preliminary pages together to show before he could actually begin working on the new site. Unfortunately his mind wasn’t cooperating with him and kept drifting back to the last six weeks. He and Brian had become even closer now that they were living in the same city again and as happy as Justin was with their friendship, it was also becoming a big problem for him. His initial attraction to Brian was scary, but not nearly as scary as the feelings that kept growing day by day. He always found himself thinking about the man at odd times during the day. Usually while he was in bed, in the shower, or worse yet, in the back room. As hard as he tried to push those thoughts away, he couldn’t seem to stop himself and it was really starting to bother him.

On top of that, things between him and Michael were getting more serious. There had been quite a few nights when Justin would wake up out of a sound sleep with the feeling of someone watching him. He always pretended to be asleep, but he didn’t know how much more he could take. He only had another three weeks until he moved on campus, but he was beginning to wonder if he’d make it without ending up confronting the man and possibly hurting his feelings. He loved Michael as if they really were brothers, but had no other interest in him whatsoever.

As he sat there waiting for Brian to get home, a sudden terrifying thought crossed his mind. Was he doing the same thing as Michael? No, he didn’t sneak into the loft and watch Brian sleep, but he was lusting after the man behind his back, thinking things he shouldn’t be thinking about his friend. As his mind wrapped himself around the prospect, he started panicking and quickly began gathering up his notes. He suddenly needed to go home. He needed to put a little space between him and Brian before his actions began bordering on creepy the way Michael’s had. He had just shut down the computer and started looking for his pen to write Brian a note when the loft door opened revealing the subject of his distress.

“Hey, I spent a small fortune for dinner so I hope you’re still hungry.” Brian put down his briefcase and the bag he was carrying before looking over at Justin and saw that he was all packed up and had his shoes on. “You weren’t getting ready to leave, were you? I bought most of this stuff for you.”

Justin felt guilty. He had been getting ready to leave, conveniently forgetting all about their plans for dinner. “I…uh…figured that since you were tired you’d want to just relax and go to bed early.”

“Fuck that. I’m exhausted, but not too tired to have dinner with you. Now take off those shoes and help me get down the plates. I’m kind of hungry, too,” Brian chuckled.

Justin knew his moment of escape was gone, but now that Brian was standing before him, he wasn’t nearly as anxious to leave. Instead he kicked off his shoes and went about pulling down the plates while Brian went to change out of his suit. Within minutes they were sprawled on the floor in front of the coffee table enjoying their meal. Brian had pulled out a bottle wine from his stash and they talked about their day as they consumed the food and wine effortlessly. Justin felt the wine go to his head like it always did and vowed to stop drinking, but when Brian pulled out a second bottle he found himself holding out his glass for a refill. It wasn’t like he had to get up early in the morning.

“So, anything new on the Mikey front?” Brian slurred as they finished off the second bottle of wine. They hadn’t really talked about what was going on with Michael since the night in the jeep, but curiosity was getting to Brian and he couldn’t help but ask.

“It’s still pretty creepy. I’ve even caught him watching me sleep on occasion, but I never let on. Do you think it’s weird to be lusting after someone you’re so close to like that?” Justin asked, fighting the urge admit to his friend that he was in fact guilty of the same thing, just not with Michael.

Brian wasn’t sure how to answer that. Hadn’t he been doing the same thing as Michael? He’d been lusting after Justin ever since returning to Pittsburgh, and although he hadn’t taken to watching him sleep, that might’ve had more to do with them living separately. If he were in Michael’s situation, he didn’t know if he would’ve reduced himself to the same actions. “Um…I think that sometimes it’s…uh…natural to lust after someone you’re close to. I mean…when you spend so much time with a person, an attraction could be inevitable. Mikey’s just too afraid to say anything to you.”

“So you’re saying that if a person is attracted to a friend they should just come out and tell them?” Justin asked incredulously. Is that what he should do? Just come out and tell Brian that he’s always on his mind? That he can’t stop thinking about him?

How the fuck do I answer that? Brian thought to himself. If he really believed that, shouldn’t he be telling Justin that Michael wasn’t the only one lusting after him? Maybe telling Justin about it would ease some of the tension that he’d been feeling lately. Maybe they could have a good laugh over it and move on. Getting it out in the open could be the best thing to help Brian get over his lust once and for all.

“Look Brian…”

“Look Justin…”

They laughed when the realized that they both spoke at the exact same time. “Go ahead, you go first,” Brian smiled.

Justin took a deep breath before continuing. “Michael’s not the only one with a problem.”

Shit, he already knows, Brian thought.

“Since you came back to Pittsburgh, things between us have been really great. I really enjoy our friendship and we’ve had some fun,” Justin continued. “But I haven’t been completely honest with you. I’ve been kind of attracted to you since I walked down the stairs that first night and saw you sitting in the living room with Mikey. I didn’t know what to think at first and then I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I just figured it would pass, but then earlier tonight I was thinking about this whole thing with Mikey and realized that I’m not any better than he is. I mean, I am. I don’t watch you sleep or stand outside the bathroom door when you’re taking a shower, but I have been thinking about you in ways that I probably shouldn’t. I’m sorry and I promise not to get too creepy on you. It’s not your problem, it’s mine and I don’t want this to affect our friendship. I just know that I had to tell you so that I didn’t become as pathetic as Mikey.”

Brian sat there stunned while he listened to Justin nervously ramble on. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Justin just admitted to doing every thing that he himself was guilty of. He couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up inside of him.

“That wasn’t the response I was expecting. Maybe it would be better if I left,” Justin said as he saw Brian crumble into a fit of laughter. He was embarrassed beyond belief as it was and hearing Brian laugh over his torment was more than he could take.

Brian continued to laugh until his mind registered that Justin had gotten up unsteadily and started putting his shoes back on. He realized that the blond had miss-interpreted his reaction and was running away from him. It only took him a moment to jump up off the floor and reach Justin just as he was about to open the door.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it seems,” he apologized, still fighting a few giggles.

“Don’t worry about it, Brian. I’m glad you could get such a good laugh at my expense. I guess knowing that you’re friend has been thinking about you like this would be kind of funny if I was in your shoes, but on this side it’s anything but funny,” Justin replied bitterly.

“No Justin, believe me that’s not why I was laughing. I was laughing because…well…”

“What Brian? What was it that had you so amused?” Justin asked when Brian didn’t finish.

Without thinking about it, Brian grabbed Justin and pulled him close, covering his soft lips with his own. The second their bodies came in contact, Brian lost all rational thought and began devouring Justin, just like he’d wanted to do for so long. In the back of his mind he almost expected Justin to pull away, but when he heard a small moan instead, it encouraged him to proceed and he deepened the kiss. Time seemed to stand still as the two of them stood there locked in an embrace, exploring each other’s mouth hungrily. Justin was the one who eventually pulled back first.

“Brian?” he asked questioningly as he struggled to catch his breath.

“I was laughing because I’ve pretty much been feeling the same thing you have. When you said that Michael wasn’t the only one with a problem, I thought you had figured out what I was thinking,” Brian admitted sheepishly.

“You have?”

“Yeah, I have.”

“So what do we do now?” Justin asked as his heart raced and his cock twitched in anticipation.

“How about if we go break in my new bed?”

Justin knew that jumping into bed with Brian wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but with the possibility standing right in front of him, he was powerless to refuse the offer presented to him. He took Brian’s hand and led him into the bedroom, refusing to think about anything but that moment. They could worry about the rest later.

Two orgasms later, Brian lay in bed with Justin’s head on his chest and realized that what he was feeling was completely foreign to him. He never cuddled with a trick before. Never felt what he was feeling for Justin with anyone before. And those thoughts terrified him, making him want to jump out of bed and run back to California. As he thought about that possibility, he saw Justin lift his head and look directly into his eyes.

“I guess we have a few things to figure out, huh?”

“Yeah, we do,” Brian replied softly. Running wasn’t really an option. He knew that they had to find a way to work out whatever it was that was happening between them. A few weeks ago he’d been stupid enough to believe that it was just simple lust that had him so crazy, but now he knew he’d been fooling himself. Lust would’ve cured itself after one fuck. They’d just gone two rounds and the only thing Brian was sure of was that he wanted more. He wanted much, much more. “But why don’t we try to get some sleep? We can try to figure things out tomorrow.”

“I guess you’re right,” Justin said as he fought back a yawn. “Good night, Brian.”

“Good night, Justin,” Brian replied as he felt Justin place his head back on his chest and the two of them fell asleep.

The shrill ringing of his cell phone pulled Justin out of a deep sleep and it took him a moment to remember where he was and why. Waking up in Brian’s arms was incredible and he cursed whoever it was who dared call and ruin the morning. A quick glance at the caller ID showed that it was his mother and Justin guilty remembered that he forgot to call to say he wouldn’t be home. He may have been an adult, but he promised to always call when he was staying out all night so she wouldn’t worry.

“Mom, I’m sorry,” he answered quickly. “I’m at Sam’s and we fell asleep watching a movie.”

“Justin, you had me so worried. Next time call me before you start watching a movie and let me know what you’re plans are. I would’ve assumed that you fell asleep if I had known where you were,” Debbie scolded him gently.

“I promise, next time I’ll call before hitting play,” Justin assured her with a small chuckle. It was a known fact that he usually fell asleep watching movies. Since he didn’t sleep real well at night, he usually passed out within the first thirty minutes.

“You’d better,” Debbie replied. “Now what are your plans for the day? Michael has to work and I was hoping to get a little help cleaning out the attic. I’m sure I have a few things up there that you can take to the dorms with you.”

“I don’t really have anything planned for today,” Justin told her as he looked back and saw Brian watching him. “I’m sure I could spare you a couple of hours and help.”

“How sweet of you, son,” Debbie said teasingly. “I’m running to the grocery store right now so why don’t you meet me back her around noon? I don’t want to spend the entire day up there.”

“Okay, I’ll see you at twelve. Bye Mom.”

“Not exactly the way I wanted to be woken up,” Brian laughed as soon as Justin had shut off his phone.

“Tell me about it. I should’ve called her last night and let her know I wasn’t going to be home. I hate worrying her,” Justin replied as he crawled back into bed. He felt a little weird now that Brian was awake. He wasn’t sure how there were supposed to act in light of their previous night. He had thought that spending the night with Brian would calm some of his urges, but all it managed to do was make him want his friend even more.

“So,” Brian said as he moved closer to Justin and took him back into his arms. “You’ve got three hours until you have to be home. What should we do to pass the time?”

Justin saw the leer in Brian’s gaze and smiled. “Well we should really talk about what happened last night.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But then again I would hate to be in the middle of a deep discussion and have to stop so you can leave,” Brian replied, trying to sound innocent. “Maybe we could talk when you come back for dinner.”

“Dinner?” Justin’s heart skipped a beat as Brian’s words sank it. Brian wanted him back for dinner.

“With all that left over food, of course I want you to come back for dinner. And we need to talk, remember?” The suggestive tone he used let Justin know that talking, although still something they needed to do, was far from his mind.

Instead of replying, Justin pushed himself up and climbed on top of Brian, bringing their hard cocks together in a delicious torture. No more words were said as they immediately began to lose themselves in each other.

A couple hours later, Justin was sitting on the couch pulling on his shoes when Brian entered the living room.

“Are you sure you don’t want a lift home?” he asked yet again.

“I’m sure. The last thing I want is for Mom to see us. I already told her I stayed at Sam’s, remember?” Justin pointed out. He finished with his shoes and stood up, walking towards the door where Brian was waiting to say good bye. “I should be back around five.”

“I’ll be waiting…and I’m probably going to be very hungry.” Brian emphasized his point by grabbing Justin’s hand and bringing it to his hardening crotch.

“Haven’t you gotten enough?” Justin teased.

“Come on, brat. You of all people know there’s no such thing as enough,” Brian said before grabbing Justin and giving him one last kiss. It lasted for well over a minute and when he pulled away, Brian was breathless. “And don’t forget to tell your mommy that you won’t be home tonight.”

Justin smiled brightly at Brian. “I won’t forget.”

Cleaning out the attic with his mother was harder than Justin thought it would be. He was bursting with excitement over his new development with Brian and wanted to share the news with someone, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Things are still up in the air and until they figured it all out, it had to be a secret. Besides, Debbie Novotny had never been able to keep a secret and with the way Michael was feeling, Justin didn’t want to take the chance that he’d find out what was going on. Even when he called Sam and asked her to cover for him, he bit his tongue to keep from sharing the news with her.

By 4:00 the attic was finished and Justin was on his way upstairs to take a shower. The afternoon had gone by pretty quickly, but he was still anxious to get back to the loft. He put a change of clothes into a bag, as well as a sketch book, and went down to tell his mother he was leaving. He was surprised to find Michael in the kitchen with her.

“Hey Justin,” Michael said with a huge smile on his face.

“Hey Mikey, how was work?” Justin replied automatically.

“You know, work is work. Where are you going?” Michael had noticed the bag on Justin’s shoulder and felt his disappointment down to his toes.

“Oh…I’m…going to Sam’s. We rented a bunch of movies last night and didn’t get to watch them all,” Justin lied, feeling guilty for it.

“I was hoping that we could hit Babylon tonight.”

“Sorry,” Justin shrugged, glancing at the clock. He needed to get out of there.

“Why don’t you call Brian? I’m sure he’ll go with you,” Debbie suggested.

“I think he’s busy,” Justin said quickly. He saw his mother and Michael’s questioning look and tried to think fast. “He called earlier to ask me something and mentioned having plans.”

“Shit, I guess I’ll just sit home tonight then,” Michael replied dejectedly.

“I better go.” Justin rushed over and kissed his mother’s cheek before waving to Michael and running out the door. He didn’t want to get into any further conversation for fear of giving himself away.

When Justin got to the loft, Brian was sitting at the computer working on one of his accounts. He seemed genuinely happy to see him, which pleased Justin since he was pretty happy to see Brian, too. As soon as he put down his bag, Brian tried to take him in his arms, but Justin resisted. He couldn’t help but laugh at the slighted look on Brian’s face.

“Oh knock it off. We need to talk first,” Justin explained.

“I guess so,” Brian sighed as he sat down on the couch.

“Look Brian, I just think we need to figure out what’s happening here. Neither one of us ever even considered a relationship. I’ve never been with the same guy twice and from what you’ve told me, neither have you. Now here we are…it just feels a little weird, don’t you think?”

“Maybe we’re growing up,” Brian chuckled before turning serious. “You’re right, I’ve never been with the same guy twice, but that’s because I never wanted to. With you it’s different. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because we’ve been friends for so long.”

“So you’d want to be with Michael more than once, too?” Justin teased.

“Watch it, brat. Don’t make me have to spank you,” Brian replied sternly. “I don’t even want to be with him once. I love him, but I can’t imagine…no, I can’t imagine.”

Justin laughed as he watched Brian shiver at the thought. “Sorry, I guess I just wanted to lighten things up. But you’re right. This is different. So what are we going to do about it?”

“How about if we just take it day by day and see where we end up? Who knows, we may end up hating each other.”

Justin was horrified by Brian’s words. “You don’t think that will happen, do you? I can’t imagine hating you. I’d rather not even bother trying to work this out if it means that we wouldn’t be friends in the end.”

“No Justin, I don’t think that will happen. We’re too close. I’m just saying that there’s no reason for us to worry about anything right now. Let’s just enjoy the ride for awhile.”

That seemed to satisfy Justin for the moment and for the rest of the night; they enjoyed the ride over and over again.

End of part 3
01/14/06

Return to Secret Love