Secret Love

Part 1

Plot bunny thanks to Judy and Julia

Justin waited until he heard the faint sound of retreating footsteps before allowing himself to relax back in bed and think about the situation he was in. In all of his eighteen years he never thought he’d have to worry about fending off his brother’s advances. Not that Michael was really his brother, but after being adopted at the age of three and growing up in the Novotny house, they were as close as two brothers could be. Then again he wasn’t really sure they were advances. It’s just that lately Justin noticed Michael watching him more, staring at him when he thought that Justin wasn’t looking. It was starting to freak him out a little; especially when he found Michael watching him dry off after a shower earlier that night. Justin should’ve closed the door to his bedroom, but he didn’t know anyone else was home and he decided to take advantage of the empty house by being free with himself. When Justin realized that Michael was there he confronted the man about his voyeurism, but Michael just sputtered an excuse about not realizing he was there and disappeared for the rest of the night. Justin had finished dressing and grabbed himself a quick bite to eat before going to bed and trying to decide the best way to handle things. He thought about emailing Brian, but deiced to try to handle the awkward situation on his own. He didn’t want to drag Brian into the middle of his problem.

Brian had been his and Michael’s best friend since moving into the neighborhood when he and Michael were fourteen and Justin was only ten. By that time, Michael and Justin had become inseparable. Their four year age difference didn’t matter to either of them. Michael had always been on the geeky side and Justin looked up to his older brother so their closeness just seemed to work for them. When Brian appeared in the picture, Justin worried that he’d be left behind, but that never happened.

Brian seemed to like Justin right away and the three of them became the best of friends, always hanging out together and trying to stay out of trouble. Brian didn’t have a happy home life. His father was a famous author, ranked up there with the likes of Stephen King, and his mother was his business manager. They had money and power and spent all their time traveling, leaving their only son home alone instead of being there to take care of him. In fact, most of the public didn’t even know the great Jack Kinney had a son. Debbie immediately took him under her wing, just like she did with Justin and for the next four years everyone who knew them knew that if the Novotny’s were present, so was Brian Kinney.

When Brian graduated from high school, it was as valedictorian with a full academic scholarship to UCLA. Their goodbyes on the day that Brian left for sunny California were tearful and sad, but they all knew that Brian was in for a promising future and no one even suggested that he stay in the Pitts. He was made for better things. During those years, Brian kept in touch with both of his friends as well as his surrogate mother, usually by email and occasionally by phone. But despite his love for the Novotny’s, Brian never showed back up in Pittsburgh. Part of it was his overwhelming schedule due to his double major, but more of it was the fear of running into his parents. He hadn’t spoken to them in person since he left and aside from the customary birthday and Christmas cards, they lived their lives apart from each other. In fact, Justin was shocked when he received an email the night before from Brian, telling him and everyone else that he’d accepted a job at the Ryder Agency right there in the city. No one expected him to ever return.

Justin and Michael were both over the moon with the news that their friend was coming home. Michael had been almost inconsolable when his friend had left. Despite his advanced years, he still tended to be on the geeky side and depended on Brian to make him feel more alive. They’d spent their last few years hanging out on Liberty Avenue and in the clubs, thanks to their fake ID’s, and Brian had been there for Michael after he had his first sexual encounter. Brian had been somewhat of a stud during his Liberty Avenue days and his friendship made Michael more desirable to the hoards of men that surrounded them every time they walked into Babylon. They figured that if they couldn’t have Brian, they’d have to settle for the next best thing in their hopes of getting closer to the gorgeous stud. It never worked, but Michael enjoyed their attempts.

Justin had been too young to follow them down to the gay Mecca and was still unsure of his sexuality at the time, which was surprising considering that his mother was the queen mother to every gay boy in the city. After receiving a substantial sum of money from her deceased brother and adopting a son for Michael to grow up with, she purchased the diner that her brother always loved and became a regular fixture for every queer to go to when they needed advice or a shoulder to cry on. Justin always felt that he was gay, but refused to be pushed into a lifestyle because of who he was being raised by. He insisted on taking his time to be sure of what he wanted before coming out and being swept up in the rainbow existence that he was accustomed to. Debbie understood his desire to find his own way and told him that whatever his choices and preferences were, she’d be there for him no matter what. By the time he was ready to become the gay boy he was meant to be, Brian was long gone. Luckily he still had Michael to lead him into a world he’d only heard about through his and Brian’s escapades.

Once Justin emerged onto Liberty, it was apparent that he was to be the new stud, replacing his friend quickly and taking over where Brian left off. By the time he was seventeen, Justin had found his own niche at Babylon and was worshipped every time he walked through the door. Michael once again had to stand back and watch as someone he cared about took the lead, leaving him to follow behind. And that’s what he did. He and Justin spent three or four nights a week listening to the thumpa thumpa of the music, but Michael usually ended up watching Justin turn on every man in the room before picking out the evening’s entertainment and pulling them to the back room. As the saying goes, the more things change the more they stay the same. New face, same reactions.

Michael had tried to talk to Justin about his behavior, but it never got far. Justin refused to give up his lifestyle and since his grades were nearly perfect and his future looked bright despite his love for clubbing, there was nothing anyone could say to get him to change his ways. It had only been in the last six months that Justin began to notice the change in his brother. The little things that he never saw before, maybe they were there and he didn’t notice, suddenly stood out in neon. It made Justin uncomfortable on occasion, but he didn’t want to say anything to one of the most important people in his life. He figured that he wouldn’t have to deal with it for much longer. He was graduating from high school in another week and had already been accepted to PIFA. By the middle of August he’d be moving into the dorms and putting some much needed space between them. He just had to hold out a little longer. Having Brian around should make it easier.

His mind drifted back to his best friend and he couldn’t help the smile that escaped his lips. It was going to be so great to see the man again. Four years is a long time to be away from someone who was once so important in his life, yet the distance did nothing to diminish their friendship. If anything, it made it even stronger. When all you have is email, talking becomes more important that anything else. In fact, Brian had shared a lot more of himself in the last four years than he ever did while he was still in Pittsburgh. Justin didn’t think there was any aspect of Brian’s life that he didn’t know. He was looking forward to reconnecting with his friend on a new level.

When they went their separate ways, Justin had just been a kid, still unsure of himself and the direction his life was going to take. Now he was a man, ready to start a new chapter of his life, and the bond they shared was on more of an equal level. In fact, during those long years and even longer emails, they learned that they shared the same views on a lot of things they never knew before. Brian and Justin both shared a passion for art and advertising, although Justin was more focused on art where as Brian was more focused on advertising. They both dreamed big of becoming successful and making lots of money in their pursuit of the finer things in life, Justin because he never really had them, and Brian because he refused to take what his parents offered because it was offered out of a sense of guilt instead of love. They also had the same views on love. Leave it for the heteros and lesbians. Gay men had fucking and that was all they needed.

By the time Justin finally fell asleep, he had stopped worrying about his problems with Michael and focused on the next few weeks and Brian’s arrival back in Pittsburgh. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

%%%%%
 

Brian stepped off the plane with a big smile on his face. After four long years he was finally home. It was a tough decision trying to decide if he should return to Pittsburgh or stay away like he vowed to do on the day he left, but he eventually decided that letting his parents keep him from the people he loved was like letting them win. And he sure as hell was no loser. After picking up his rental car, he drove the short distance to his hotel and checked in before calling Marty Ryder and letting him know that he made it okay.

Marty was nice enough to provide the car and hotel for two weeks, giving Brian time to find his own place and his own wheels. His five thousand dollar sign on bonus along with a letter confirming his employment and rather large salary should be enough to secure an apartment and a car. Then again, he still had the savings account his parents had set up for him when he was small to tide him over if he needed it. No one knew about the money he had in there and he usually chose to forget about its existence. He really wanted to make something of himself on his own. But the money was there, his to use as he wished, and he wouldn’t be above using it if it was needed. Life was just starting for Pittsburgh’s newest ad executive and Brian was anxious to show the world just how great he could be.

Once he was all settled, he took a quick shower and dressed casually before heading over to Debbie’s. They weren’t expecting him until later that night, but his excitement caused him to change his flight at the last minute so that he could surprise everyone with his appearance. Driving through the streets of Pittsburgh, Brian realized that his good memories of the Novotny’s more than out-weighed his bad ones with his own family. He briefly wondered why he stayed away so long. He thought back to the year he met Michael and Justin. He was still upset that his parents had dragged him away from his friends and his school to move half way across the country. It wasn’t like they couldn’t conduct their business anywhere. His father was a novelist and his mother took care of his career. Neither one of them were required to punch a time clock in an office. There was no reason for them to uproot their son and pull him away from his life, just to leave him alone in a strange city while they vacationed all over the world. It wasn’t like they ever took him with them. Most people didn’t even know that Jack and Joan Kinney had a son.

On his second day in the new house, Brian was sitting alone watching TV when there was a knock at the door. He thought about ignoring it, but decided to see who was on the other side. He opened the door to find Michael standing on the other side with a big goofy grin on his face holding a double chocolate fudge cake.

“Hi, is your mom or dad home?” he’d said nervously.

“Not likely. They’re only home a couple days a month and the move set them behind schedule,” Brian replied bitterly, but smiled to take the sting out of his words.

“Oh…well I live down the street and my mom wanted me to bring you this as a welcome to the neighborhood. I hope you like chocolate,” Michael said, never losing that goofy grin.

“Cool, wanna come in?”

After that they became instant friends. Michael stayed for hours where the two teenage boys talked about everything from what music they liked to what they wanted to be when they grew up. Brian asked Michael to stay for dinner. He was going to order a pizza and didn’t want to eat alone. Michael called his mother who, after finding out that Brian was alone, insisted that Brian join them for dinner. Brian accepted hesitantly but secretly dreaded going down to the Novotny house. He didn’t want to see the look of pity that he always got from his friends’ parents when his own parents would leave him for weeks on end.

He wasn’t prepared for Debbie Novotny. She was loud, crude, and almost overbearing and Brian loved her immediately. From that day on Brian spent most of his time with his new friends. Even Michael’s little brother, who had been adopted into the family after his parents were killed in an accident when he was three, accepted him into the family fold quickly. Brian had finally found people he loved and who loved him in return. Within the first week Brian learned that Debbie’s brother was gay and died of AIDS. By that time Brian already knew that he favored men and felt very at ease sharing the news with everyone. Michael had just come out to his mother the year before and the bond between them became that much stronger. Michael finally had someone to turn to about how he was feeling and Brian had someone to explore Liberty Avenue with as he grew to become the best homosexual he could be.

Now here he was, ready to start his new life. The life he went and sought out on his own, without any help from his so-called parents. Just the emotional support from those he cared about. As he pulled his rental car up outside Debbie’s house, a strange sense of nostalgia washed over him. He didn’t realize how much he missed everyone until he was sitting outside the house, ready to walk in. He took a deep breath before getting out and walking up the drive. He thought about knocking, but knew that despite his absence, Debbie would insist that he was still a part of the family and welcome at any time. He opened the door quietly and walked through the hallway, stopping in the doorway of the living room to the sight of Debbie and Michael sitting on the couch watching TV.

“So what’s for dinner? I’m starving,” he drawled lazily as he leaned against the doorframe with a smirk.

“Brian!” Michael called as he jumped up from the couch and threw himself at his friend. “I thought you weren’t getting in until later tonight.”

“Well, if I’m not welcome here than I’ll just leave and come back later,” Brian teased.

“Don’t you dare, you little asshole,” Debbie threatened affectionately. “Come here and give me a hug.”

Brian relished the feeling of Debbie’s arms around him, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall.

“Shit, don’t they have food in California? You’re too skinny. I’d better go see what we have in the freezer. You’ve got to eat.” Debbie hugged Brian again and then pulled back and slapped him softly on the cheek. “It’s good to have you back, Kiddo.”

“It’s good to be back,” Brian replied.

“Justin! Get your ass down here,” Debbie called out with a tone that could stop traffic. “Now sit down and make yourself comfortable. As soon as I finish in the kitchen I want to hear all about this new job of yours.”

Brian smiled and followed Michael over to the couch, relaxing in the familiar atmosphere. “I see Deb hasn’t changed,” he laughed.

“Did you expect her to? She’s been this way since long before I was born. Now why didn’t you tell me you were coming in early? I would’ve met you at the airport.”

“Mikey, I’m a big boy now. I can handle getting myself from the airport to the hotel all myself. Besides, it wouldn’t have been a surprise if I told you.” Brian said. “Now tell me what I’ve missed. Anything new and exciting going on in the Pitts?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Michael laughed, thrilled to have his best friend back in the same time zone.

Justin had been sitting up in his room reading one of the books that he was told he’d need to read for his freshman English class when he heard his mother calling him. He sighed at the shrill in her voice and finished the chapter he was in the middle of before dragging himself off the bed. As much as he loved his family, studying was always hard in the chaotic house. Someone was always yelling and people were always going in and out at odd hours of the day and night. Debbie’s sympathetic shoulder was not only sought after at the diner, but stragglers always seemed to track her down at home, too. As he descended the stairs, he heard voices coming from the living room and wondered who it was this time that darkened their doorstep. As he entered the room unnoticed, he was shocked to see Brian sitting on the couch by Mikey.

“Brian?”

Brian heard his named being called from across the room and turned to greet Justin only to be taken back by the sight before him. The last time he laid eyes on the kid he’d been fourteen and still at the gangly, awkward stage. Now, standing before him was a stunning blond man who was without a doubt the main attraction in many men’s fantasies.

“Wow, you’re all grown up,” Brian said as he stood to greet his friend. He hesitated briefly before crossing the room and taking Justin in his arms just like he did with Michael and Deb, refusing to acknowledge that there was any difference.

Justin felt Brian wrap him in his arms and tried to shake away the feelings of arousal that coursed through him at the touch. “What are you doing here?”

Brian pulled back with a laugh. “What is it with you people? I think I’m starting to get a complex. I took an earlier flight, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry,” Justin said sheepishly. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like it’s a bad thing. I just thought you wouldn’t be here until later.”

“Yeah, well I was sitting around my friend’s apartment waiting for the big move and figured why wait? I called the airlines and changed my flight to first thing this morning. I thought that you’d all be happy to see me,” Brian said trying to sound indignant.

“We are,” Michael said from the couch. “Now get your ass over here and tell us all about the hot men in LA.”

Brian laughed as he made his way back to the couch and started telling his friends about the guys and the clubs he’d been frequenting for the last four years.

Justin sat across from Brian, unable to take his eyes off the beautiful man. He’d always known that Brian was good looking, but he never remembered him being so stunning. Maybe it was because Justin wasn’t out when Brian had left so he never really thought about him in that respect. Or maybe his taste had changed during his absence. Whatever it was, there was no doubt in his mind that at the moment he was drawn to his older friend like no one else he’d ever come in contact with. He forced his mind to focus on what was being said, knowing that he was going to have a lot to think about later that night while he was alone in his room.

%%%%%

By the time nine o’clock rolled around Brian could barely keep his eyes open. He’d been up since three am to catch his early morning flight and between that and the events of the day, exhaustion was taking over quickly. Justin was the first one to notice.

“Bri, why don’t you go back to your hotel and get some sleep? You look exhausted.”

Brian was about to object until a yawn broke out and supported Justin’s words. He laughed in spite of himself. “Yeah, I guess I should. I’ve got to go apartment hunting and car shopping tomorrow. You guys are going to go with me, right?”

“I can’t,” Michael replied. “Now that I’m an assistant manager at the Big-Q I can’t just call out sick.”

“Some best friend you are,” Brian replied with a smirk that let Michael know he was kidding before turning to Justin. “What about you?”

“I’m free. School’s out and I haven’t found a job yet so I have nothing on my calendar until September,” Justin told him, wondering why he was experiencing a strange thrill at the thought of being alone with Brian. This was his friend for God’s sake. His friend since he was ten years old. The fact that Brian looked more like a Greek God than anyone he’d ever seen before shouldn’t have any affect on him. “What time do you want me to be ready?”

“Ten o’clock sounds good. I want to try to sleep in if I can. The last couple of weeks have been a bitch,” Brian explained as he stood up ready to make his departure. He looked back at Michael with an evil glare. “You are going to Babylon tomorrow night, right?”

Michael smiled at his friend. “Of course. There’s no way I’d miss your reintroduction to your kingdom,” he teased.

“I would think not. And this time we can bring the brat with us,” Brian laughed.

“You know, that might have been cute when I was ten, but I’m an adult now, remember?” Justin huffed.

“Yeah, I can tell by your pouting,” Brian said with his tongue in his cheek as he playfully shoved Justin on his way to the door. “I’ll see you at ten.”

Justin couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face as he made his way up to his bedroom. He was going to spend the day with Brian without Michael around. Not that he minded having his brother around. Growing up the three of them were always together. It was just that there were times that he felt a little out of place since he was so much younger then they were. The age difference didn’t always matter, but when it came to discussing things like cruising guys and the bars, Justin was usually sent away. Add to that the growing discomfort that Justin was feeling due to Michael’s strange behavior. Well, Justin was more than happy to have Brian all to himself the next day.

A quick glance at the clock told Justin he needed to get in bed if he wanted to get some sleep. Ever since he was a kid, sleep was always hard for him. As soon as he lay down at night, his mind would begin to race with so many things that it made it hard for him to relax enough to drift off. He never shared his problem with Debbie. Her over protectiveness and ability to smother made him keep a lot of things to himself through the years. He loved her as if she was his birth mother, but he had a few secrets that he’d never share. He curled up in bed with the book he’d been reading and lost himself in the story, finally succumbing to sleep in the early morning with visions of Brian fresh in his mind.


End of part 1
12/27/05

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