Fighting Regrets

Chapter 6

When Justin woke up the next morning he was startled to see that it was after ten. Gus was always up and running by eight, making sure that his daddy was up and running, too. Thinking that something was wrong, Justin threw on his sweats and hurried into his son’s room only to find it empty. After checking the bathroom and finding that empty also, he made his way down the stairs, through the living room, stopping short at the doorway of the kitchen. The sight before him made his heart skip a beat.

“Brian, are you sure Daddy’s not going to be mad? He doesn’t like it when the kitchen’s messy,” Gus asked for the second time.

“Gus, I promise he won’t be mad. I may not be that good in the kitchen, but I do know how to clean up a mess. If we hurry, we can take the pancakes up to Daddy and while he’s eating I can try to put this place back together, okay?” Brian assured him, calming the boy’s fears.

“Okay, but I sure hope he eats slow, because this is a really big mess,” Gus sighed innocently.

Justin held back his laughter as he ducked back out of the doorway unnoticed. He silently made his way back upstairs and into bed before allowing himself to think about what he’d just witnessed. Brian Kinney making breakfast; it had to be a sign of the apocalypse or something. But then his heart sank at the realization that he didn’t really know who Brian Kinney was. Not anymore. If someone had told him two weeks ago that he’d be lying in bed waiting for Brian and Gus to bring him breakfast, he would’ve thought they were crazy, yet there he was, feeling more confused and conflicted than ever before.

He had lain in bed awake half the night, trying to figure out what to do about Brian and Gus. There was still that part of him that wanted to throw the older man out of the house and refuse him access to Gus. It had been his decision to walk away before his son was born and he should have to pay the consequences for his actions. But then again, if Brian stayed in Pittsburgh, Justin never would’ve had the opportunity to raise Gus as his own; something that, despite the circumstances, brought him so much happiness over the years. And what about Gus? Seeing the joy in his face as he and Brian worked side by side in the kitchen was amazing. After all these years, Gus finally had his father, his birth father, in his life. Who was Justin to take that away from him? It was times like this when he really wished Lindsay was around to help him make the right decision. He suddenly heard the sounds of Gus and Brian heading up the stairs and quickly curled up under the covers, pretending to be asleep.

“Daddy! Daddy! Wake up! Brian and I made you breakfast!” Gus exclaimed as he entered his father’s bedroom.

Justin moaned, pretending to be brought out of sleep, and rolled over to greet his son. “Morning Gus, what’s this about breakfast?”

“Brian and I made you pancakes. You have to get up and eat them, but eat them slow because…”

“Now, now Gus. Give your father some time to wake up before you force feed him. I’ll go downstairs and straighten up,” Brian said, interrupting Gus and giving him a look to remind him of their secret.

Justin had to once again hold back his laughter. “Wow, how nice to wake up to breakfast in bed. Was this your idea, Gus?”

“Nope, it was Brian’s. He said that you deserve to be taken care of occasionally,” Gus told Justin, unaware of Brian’s discomfort.

Justin glanced over at Brian, surprised to see him looking down at his feet with a slight blush across his cheeks. “Well, thank you, both of you. This looks delicious.”

“Okay Gus, you stay here with Daddy and keep him company. I’ll come back up in a bit for the tray,” Brian said before heading out of the room.

Justin watched Brian walk away and waited until he was gone before turning to Gus. “So I take it you were happy to see Brian here this morning when you woke up?”

“Yeah, I was sleeping and when I woke up he was standing in my doorway watching me sleep. He had this weird look on his face, though. He almost looked sad but once I was up it was gone. He seems really nice. Is he going to stay here for awhile?” Gus asked as he climbed up on the bed and settled in next to his father.

“He’s in town for work, so he’s going to be around for a little while, but last night was a one time thing. He’s got his own apartment across town,” Justin explained.

“Am I going to see him again?”

“I’m not sure. You’ll have to ask him that,” Justin replied honestly.

“I did. He said that it was up to you since you were my dad. Maybe he could come to the park with us today. You promised that you would take me, remember?”

“Yes, I remember. You want Brian to go with us?” Justin laughed when he saw his son shake his head with excitement. “Okay, if he doesn’t have any plans then he can come with us. Now I better start eating before my breakfast gets cold. I’m starving.”

Brian was in the kitchen, trying to put the room back in order when he heard the front door opening. He ignored the sound, figuring that whatever it was had nothing to do with him and was surprised when Blake appeared in the doorway.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Blake snapped angrily.

“Cleaning up the breakfast dishes,” Brian answered casually.

“Why? Where are Justin and Gus?”

“They’re upstairs. Gus made Justin breakfast in bed.” Brian was enjoying the agitation that was clearly evident all over Blake’s face. “Sorry, there are no leftovers.”

“Gus made breakfast?”

“Well, we did it together. It was the least I could do for Justin since he was kind enough to let me spend the night.”

“What? You spent the night here?’ Blake was seething at the information he was receiving. “What kind of game are you playing here, Kinney?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brian said, seeming to be offended. “I found myself in a predicament last night and Justin was kind enough to lend me his guest room. That’s what friends are for.”

“Friends? You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re not his friend. Friends don’t walk away without looking back, leaving others behind to clean up their mess. You’re nothing but a selfish prick and once I talk to Justin, you’ll be out of here without some much as a goodbye!” Blake turned and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Brian very amused in his wake.

Justin was just finishing his pancakes when he heard Blake calling out to him. He could tell by the tone of his voice that he must have run into Brian in the kitchen and steeled himself for the verbal thrashing he knew he was about to receive.

“Justin why is that ass…” Blake stopped when he noticed Gus sitting next to Justin. His attitude immediately changed. “Hey kiddo. I heard you made your Dad breakfast.”

“Yep, Brian helped me,” Gus smiled, unaware of the anger that his Uncle Blake was to hide. “Are you hungry? I’m sure Brian would help me make some more pancakes.”

“That’s okay. I’m not very hungry. Do you think you could go downstairs for a minute? I need to talk to your Dad.”

“Okay,” Gus agreed before racing out of the room.

Justin sighed, knowing exactly what was coming and put aside his tray. “Look Blake, I know exactly what you’re thinking and you’re wrong. This has nothing to do with Brian and my feelings for him. I’m doing this for Gus. He really seems to like Brian and I don’t want to be the bad guy by sending him away.”

“Oh, so Gus asked to have Brian spend the night?” Blake asked bitterly.

“Of course not. Brian had a fight with Tony and walked out. He happened to call me and I suggested he stay here. It was only for one night,” Justin assured him.

“Oh, he just happened to call? How convenient that he had a fight with his little friend and needed a place to crash.”

“Blake, knock it off. For your information, I was the cause of their fight.” Seeing Blake’s confusion, Justin continued. “Tony suggested that Brian seek custody of Gus. He said that since Brian agreed to give Lindsay a baby assuming that she was going to be the one to raise it, under the circumstances, he’d probably have a good chance of winning in court. Brian defended me and told Tony that he wouldn’t take Gus away. What else was I supposed to do?”

“Let him stay at a hotel? Look Babe, I know you’re trying to do the right thing, but I don’t think that attaching yourself to that prick again is a good idea. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I know. I don’t want that either, but I’m also not going to do anything to piss him off. He’s assured me that he has no plans to try to take Gus. I’m going to do everything in my power to see that he doesn’t change his mind.” Justin climbed out of bed and turned to Blake once again. “Now why don’t you go downstairs and make nice with Brian while I jump in the shower. And I mean it; be nice.”

Blake shot Justin an angry glare them walked out of the room in a huff, ignoring Justin’s chuckles as he went.

Justin jumped in the shower and washed quickly, anxious to get back downstairs before Blake and Brian killed each other. He could just imagine how their meeting went when Blake found the other man in the kitchen. Once he was dressed, he made his way downstairs to find Brian and Blake glaring at each other from across the room while Gus sat by obliviously watching TV.

“Hey little guy. Thanks again for breakfast. It was delicious,” Justin said as he ruffled his son’s hair. “Blake, you never said what had you here so early on a Saturday morning.”

“I’m afraid I have some bad news for you,” Blake said turning professional. “I got a call from New York this morning. They’re having some trouble with the gallery and you’re needed out there to try to smooth things over. I’d go if I could, but they’re insisting on seeing you in person.”

“Shit. I knew something like this was going to happen. Okay, when do I have to be there?” Justin sighed, resigned to his fate.

“I booked you a flight out tomorrow afternoon so that you’ll be able to get to the gallery first thing Monday morning. I also made reservations at the Plaza through Wednesday with the possibility of having to extend your stay if needed,” Blake explained. “You know I’d go with you if I could, but with Gus in school, someone has to stay here with him.”

“I know and I appreciate you always looking out for Gus. I just wish you could be there, too. You’re much better at handling these things than I am,” Justin sighed.

Brian listened to the conversation and was startled when he heard himself make an offer he never expected to make. “I’ll stay with Gus while you’re gone.”

“What?” Justin asked in shock.

“I said I’ll stay with Gus. The offices aren’t even finished yet so it’s not like I have that much work on my plate right now. Anything that I have to do I can get done while he’s in school,” Brian explained.

“Thanks for the offer, Brian, be we don’t need your help,” Blake said with animosity.

“Daddy,” Gus said, interfering in the adult conversation. “Can Brian stay with me? Please? This way Uncle Blake can go with you.”

Blake could see the deer caught in the head lights look in Justin’s eyes and knew he needed to do something. “Listen Kiddo, it’s nice of Brian to offer, but your dad can handle the trip on his own. I’ll stay here with you like I always do and we’ll have fun. You still haven’t shown me how to play your new video game.”

“But Uncle Blake, I want Brian to stay here. I like him and he’s really nice to me. He doesn’t mind, right Brian?” Gus looked up at Brian for confirmation.

“No, I don’t mind at all. I don’t know how to play video games like your Uncle Blake,” Brian replied, glaring at the other man. There was something about him that Brian didn’t like; something about his protectiveness of Justin that rubbed him the wrong way. “But I’m sure we can still find things to do to keep us entertained.”

Justin continued to stare at Brian, unsure of what he should do. He knew that Brian would take care of his son, but was it wise to put Gus in a situation where he could bond with Brian even more than he already had, just so he’ll be more distraught when the older man returned to his former life? Yet he hated to think that he’d be denying Gus a chance to really get to know his biological father. He once again thought about what Lindsay would’ve done had she been there and knew without a doubt that she’d give Brian a chance. She may have felt betrayed by the way Brian left, but she had stilled loved the man and he knew she secretly hoped that in time he would change his mind and come home.

“I really don’t think…” Blake started to say before being interrupted by Justin.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Blake asked in confusion.

“Okay, Brian can stay here with Gus. You’ll come with me to New York. Go call the airlines and reserve another ticket,” Justin told Blake, leaving no room for argument.

“Yay! Oh thank you, Daddy! Thank you,” Gus cheered, throwing himself into his father’s arms.

“Justin, I really…” Blake tried again, once again cut off by Justin.

“Blake, it’s settled. Now why do you go on home, make the necessary arrangements, and start packing? I have some things I need to do here so that I can be ready for tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Blake replied in defeat. “I’ll call you later tonight and we can discuss our strategy for the gallery.”

“Uncle Blake, you’re not mad at me, are you?” Gus asked suddenly. “It’s just that I get to see you all the time, but Brian’s not going to be here forever.”

”Of course I’m not mad at you, Gus. I understand that you want to spend time with Brian,” Blake assured him, keeping his tone even. “I’ll see you later, Kiddo.”

Blake ruffled Gus’ hair, and then turned to leave; refusing to give in to the jealousy he was feeling at Gus’ obvious interest in Brian.

Once Blake was gone, Justin turned to Brian. “Are you sure you don’t mind doing this?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t. It will give Gus and me a chance to get to know one another. Are you sure you’re okay with it? I mean, under the circumstances,” Brian looked over at Gus and let the implication of his words hang in the air.

“How about if we talk about this later?” Justin suggested, his eyes traveling to his son as well.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Brian agreed. “I guess I should probably get out of your hair.”

“Brian, Daddy’s taking me to the park. Do you want to come with us? We always go out to lunch afterwards and sometimes he even lets me get ice cream,” Gus said with enthusiasm.

“He does? Wow, that must mean that you’re a good boy,” Brian replied with a smile. “But I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. Your father’s leaving tomorrow so I’m sure he wants to spend a little time alone with you.”

“He doesn’t mind. He already said it was okay. Didn’t you Dad?” Justin looked at his father for confirmation.

“Brian, you’re welcome to come with us if you’d like,” Justin offered.

A part of Brian wanted to refuse, due to his strange reaction to being with Justin again, but a part of him couldn’t turn down a chance to spend time with Gus…and his father. “Well, as long as you’re sure.”

“Cool, I’ll go get dressed,” Gus squealed before running up the stairs.

“What did I tell you about running in the house?” Justin called to Gus’ retreating form, knowing the warning was falling on deaf ears. “I’ve got a few things I have to take care of before we can go, so you have enough time to go home and shower if you want.”

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you back here, say in an hour?”

“That’s perfect. I’ll see you then.”

Justin watched Brian walk out the door and wondered exactly how far in over his head he was getting. Being so close to Brian was having an affect on Justin that he hadn’t experienced since meeting the man over eight years earlier. He kept telling himself that everything he was doing was for Gus, but a small part of him knew it was more than that; much more. He’d have to find a way to keep his feelings in check for the next few months, until Brian went back to San Diego and Justin could get back to his normal, boring life.

&&&&&

Two hours later, Gus was busy playing on the swings with the other children at the park while Brian and Justin sat down on a bench near by and watched. The silence between them was a little strained, both men unsure of how to bring up the situation that needed to be resolved. Brian was the first one to take the plunge and bring up the subject of the trip.

“Are you really okay with me watching Gus while you’re gone? I didn’t realize when I offered, the position I was putting you in. If you refused, it would’ve made you look like the bad guy in front of Gus. I had no idea he’d be so excited with the suggestion.”

“Why wouldn’t he be? He’s been curious about you ever since he found out that he had another father out in the world somewhere. Now that you’re here, he’s so excited. But to answer your question, yes, I’m fine with it. The important thing is that he’s well taken care of and I know you’d never let anything happen to him. Besides, I hate having to go away and leave him behind, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. At least I know he’s going to be happy while I’m gone,” Justin assured him.

Brian smiled in response and turned to watch Gus for a moment before turning back to Justin. “How did he know about me? I mean, why did you even tell him? He’s only eight.”

“Well, Lindsay decided right from the start that she’d never keep secrets from him, even before I became like a father to him. Once she was gone, I knew I had to honor her wishes. About two years ago he looked at the picture of you and Lindsay and asked who you were. I decided to sit him down and tell him the truth,” Justin explained.

“And what truth is that? That I’m a selfish asshole?”

“No, I don’t really think you’re selfish.” When Justin saw the skeptical look on Brian’s face, he laughed out loud. “Alright, I did at first, but I eventually realized that it wasn’t necessarily selfishness that had you leave town. You really believed that you’d make a lousy father for Gus and didn’t want to hurt him, so you put him and Lindsay both ahead of yourself and left before you could cause them pain.”

Brian was startled by Justin’s observation. It was something that he thought about a lot while making his decision to leave. He really did believe that it was the best thing for everyone involved. He just didn’t know that anyone would see past his bullshit to what he’d actually been trying to do.

When Brian didn’t reply, Justin continued. “I told him that you were a good friend of Lindsay’s and when she wanted a baby so bad, you agreed to help her out. I figured the truth was the best approach. I also told him that you’ve been very busy making a name for yourself in the advertising world which was why you were too busy to contact him.”

“And he was alright with that?”

“He was a little sad at first. He couldn’t figure out why you didn’t want to be with him. I explained that it had nothing to do with him. That you left before he was born so you didn’t know what a great kid he is,” Justin replied.

“He is, you know. You’ve done a great job with him. Better than I would’ve done if I had been here,” Brian admitted quietly.

“Maybe, maybe not. I guess we’ll never know for sure,” Justin said beaming from the compliment, but then he quickly sobered. “Brian, what are your plans now? I mean, I know that you’re only here for three months. What happens after that? Are you going to disappear again?”

“Honestly? That was my original plan, but now I’m not so sure. That’s the best I can offer you right now. Is that enough?”

“I guess it’s going to have to be. Just do me a favor and remember that we’re dealing with an eight year old. I may understand why you do the things you do, but he doesn’t. I don’t want to see him hurt,” Justin warned.

“Neither do I,” Brian replied softly and then grew silent while he watched his son. He never imagined how much his life would change from a short little trip to Pittsburgh.

End of part 6
04/11/05

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