Fighting Regrets

Chapter 2

6 Years later…

Brian was standing in his office looking out the window when Steve Townsend walked in.

“Hey Brian, are you all ready to go?”

Brian turned around and looked at his business partner and smiled. “Yeah, I’m leaving here in about an hour. The car is picking me up at the loft at 2:00 and my flight leaves at 4:00.”

“Good. I’m really excited about this venture and I owe it all to you,” Steve praised.

“Of course you do. I told you when you interviewed me eight years ago that I was the best candidate for the job and it would be a mistake not to hire me,” Brian replied with a cockiness only he could pull off.

“Well I’m glad I listened to you. You’ve made the Townsend Agency what it is today. I can’t believe we’re finally branching out across the country. It’s what I’ve been hoping for since you came aboard. I also want to thank you for personally overseeing the opening of the new office. My wife would kill me if I tried to move her to Pittsburgh for three months,” Steve laughed.

“Not a problem, Steve. I was born and raised in Pittsburgh and haven’t been back in eight years. Spending three months there will be a nice little trip. I can look up some old friends and catch up a bit,” Brian explained thinking about Lindsay and Justin. He hadn’t spoken to them since he left all those years ago, but he planned on getting in touch with them while he was there. After all, they couldn’t still be mad at him for leaving, right?

“Great. Now I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing. Have a safe trip and give me a call once you’re settled.” Steve walked over and shook Brian’s hand.

“I will,” Brian assured him.

Once Steve was out of the office, Brian sat down at his desk and finished up the account he’d been working on. Before he knew it, his assistant buzzed him, letting him know that it was time to go. He looked around one last time to make sure he had what he needed and left his office. As much as he enjoyed his job, he was looking forward to a trip to Pittsburgh and seeing his friends again.

&&&&&

Justin had just finished up the dishes and was grabbing his keys when his eight year old whirlwind raced down the stairs.

“Gus, how many times have I told you not to run in the house?” He said as sternly as possible.

“Sorry Daddy, but we need to hurry up. I can’t be late for school today. Billy said that he’d show me his new game for game boy if I got there before the bell rang,” Gus explained quickly.

“Relax Gus, we won’t be late. Let’s go,” Justin said, laughing at the boy’s enthusiasm. “Now remember, I’m not going to be here when you get home today. I’m going to be at the gallery pretty late getting ready for the showing.”

“I know Daddy. Uncle Blake’s going to be here, right?”

“Yes, he’ll be waiting at the bus stop for you when you get home. Just make sure you do your homework as soon as you get home. I know how you and Uncle Blake love to zone out in front of Nintendo, but your school work has to come first,” Justin reminded him as they climbed into the car.

“Yes Dad,” Gus sighed.

Justin chuckled at Gus’s reply as he started the car and backed out of the driveway. After dropping Gus off safely at school, Justin headed towards the gallery. He was a little early, but knowing how much he had to do, he wanted to get a jump start on his day. He always hated the week leading up to a showing. It was sheer craziness and didn’t allow him a lot of time with Gus. Luckily his mother and Blake were always there to help him out when he needed it. Justin’s mind thought back to the day he’d met Blake. It was a few months after Lindsay had died. His mother had insisted that he go out for a while. He’d been spending all his time either at school or with Gus and Jennifer didn’t think it was healthy for him. So he made his way to Woody’s and met Blake. They seemed to hit it off immediately and by the end of the night Justin found himself in Blake’s bed. The sex was hot, but they quickly discovered that they would be better off as friends. It took about two weeks for Justin to open up to Blake and tell him about Brian, Lindsay, and Gus, but eventually he shared the whole mess and all it did was strengthen their friendship.

That was almost six years ago and Justin wouldn’t know what to do without Blake in his life. There were still times when Justin wished that he and Blake could’ve had something more, but it just wasn’t in the cards for them and Justin was happy with what he had. Since then, Justin had dated a few times, but never found himself in a serious relationship. The biggest problem was that most guys didn’t want to be saddled with a father. Justin put Gus above everyone else in his life and he hadn’t found anyone who was okay with that. The other problem was that despite the anger and hatred he still felt for Brian to this day, he couldn’t seem to stop comparing everyone he met to the older man. And every one of them came up lacking.

As Justin pulled into the gallery parking lot he pushed away the thoughts that had been going through his head. He had too much to do to spend his time thinking about what his life had become. He loved his son and the only thing he would change if he could was Lindsay’s death. Everything else was fine with him.

Blake was finishing up the dinner dishes in Justin’s kitchen when Gus walked in all ready for bed.

“Uncle Blake, can I ask you something?”

“Sure Kiddo, what’s on your mind?” Blake asked, setting down the dishtowel and focusing on the little boy.

“How come Daddy doesn’t have a boyfriend?” Gus asked with eight year old innocence.

Blake laughed out loud at Gus’s question. “Why are you asking, Gus?”

“Well, Billy from school always talks about his mother’s boyfriend. He says that he’s really nice and they do family things together like going camping. I know that Daddy is gay and that means he likes boys instead of girls so shouldn’t he have a boyfriend, too?”

“Well,” Blake said, trying to come up with an excuse that an eight year old would understand. “Your Daddy has had boyfriends in the past. It’s just not that easy to find someone you care about. I’m sure that one day he’ll find someone like that, but until then he’s happy with just having you in his life.”

“What about you? Couldn’t you be Daddy’s boyfriend? You’re here all the time anyway and I know I’ve heard you and Daddy say that you love each other,” Gus pointed out.

“We do love each other, Gus. Just not in the way that boyfriends love each other. We’re best friends and enjoy being together, but that’s not enough for boyfriends,” Blake replied, trying to find a way to change the subject. He wasn’t comfortable discussing Justin’s love life with his son. Blake himself had been spending years trying to convince Justin to settle down, but nothing had worked so far. In Blake’s opinion, Justin was going to have to stop comparing everyone to that asshole Brian before he was able to find the one. “Why don’t you go upstairs and pick out a book to read and I’ll be up in a minute?”

“Okay Uncle Blake,” Gus agreed. He turned to walk out of the kitchen, but stopped and ran over, throwing his arms around Blake. “I’m glad you love my Daddy, even if it’s not in the right way. You’re the best Uncle ever.”

Blake hugged Gus back, feeling a little choked up by Gus’s admission. He’d been a part of the boy’s life since he was two years old and loved him like he was his own son. “And you’re the best kid ever. Now go one up and I’ll be right there.”

Gus pulled away, smiled his killer smile and raced out of the kitchen leaving Blake alone with one thought running through his head. Brian Kinney didn’t know what he was missing.

Justin walked into the house a little after ten, saddened to know that Gus would already be in bed. It had been a long and extremely stressful day and he would’ve loved to have been able to spend a little time with his son. As he hung up his coat and walked into the living room, he spotted Blake who had fallen asleep on the couch. He smiled to himself as he realized that seeing Blake there was almost as good as seeing Gus. He walked over to the couch and gently nudged Blake.

“Hey sleepy head, you can go home now,” he said softly as Blake stirred.

“Huh? What time is it?” Blake mumbled as he tried to sit up.

“It’s after ten. I’m sorry I’m so late. Everything that could go wrong did today and I was lucky to get out of there when I did,” Justin explained as he plopped down along side of Blake.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really, I’d rather talk about my son. How was he?”

“Perfect as always,” Blake replied with a smile.

“You’re biased because you love him almost as much as I do. Gus is a wonderful kid, but he’s far from perfect.” Justin laughed. “How’d he do on his math test?”

“He aced it of course. I made sure he got all of his homework done and we practiced his spelling words for his test tomorrow. Oh and by the way, he wants to know why you don’t have a boyfriend.” Blake laughed at the horrified look on Justin’s face.

“Where did that come from?”

“Apparently his friend Billy always talks about his mother’s boyfriend and it made Gus wonder why you don’t have one. I told him it was because you couldn’t find anyone with a big enough dick,” Blake teased.

“Ha, ha, very funny,” Justin replied dryly. “What did you really tell him?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him the real reason. I just said that you hadn’t found someone you care about yet.”

“And what would be the real reason?” Justin asked, although he knew exactly what Blake’s answer would be.

“That you’re still secretly pining for Brian and that when you put all others up against Mr. Perfect, they all come up short,” Blake said matter-of-factly.

“I am not still pining for Brian!” Justin insisted. “Brian Kinney is an asshole and if I never see him again it will be too soon.”

“Whatever you say,” Blake sighed, getting up from the couch. “I better get going. Are we still on for lunch and the zoo on Saturday?”

“Yeah, I’ll pick you up around eleven and we’ll go to the diner first. I haven’t seen Debbie in awhile and she’s usually there for the lunch shift on the weekends.”

“Okay, sounds good.” Blake leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Justin’s lips. “Love you Babe. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later,” Justin replied fighting off the small wave of sadness as he watched Blake walk away. He couldn’t help but wonder if there would ever be a time when he wasn’t facing another night alone in his bed.

&&&&&

Brian was sitting alone in the small apartment the agency had rented for him, looking out at the Pittsburgh sky. He’d been in town for two days, trying to come up with the courage to find Lindsay and Justin. He’d gone by both Lindsay’s house and Justin’s parents, but neither one of them were occupied with the people he’d left behind. He didn’t know why, but for some reason he expected everything to be the way it was when he left. It was foolish to think that their lives wouldn’t have moved on in the last eight years. Finding them was going to be a little harder than he originally thought. The following day was Saturday and Brian had decided to take a trip to Liberty Avenue and see if his old stomping ground was still the same. He might even check out Babylon at night, although at forty years old, his clubbing days weren’t as frequent as they once had been. Sighing, he walked towards the bedroom, laughing at the thought of going to bed alone on a Friday night. Boy how things had changed since the last time he was in the Pitts.

&&&&&

Blake, Justin, and Gus walked into the diner on Saturday morning and were immediately spotted by the freaky but loveable waitress.

“Sunshine! It’s about time you showed your face in here. I was beginning to think you forgot all about me,” Debbie called out as she raced over and pulled Justin into a strong hug.

“Uh Deb, I can’t breathe,” Justin whispered as he happily hugged Debbie back.

“Sorry Baby, I just missed you. And you brought little gorgeous Gus. Hey there little man. Remember me?”

“Yes, you’re the lady that calls everyone funny names,” Gus laughed as he threw himself into the woman’s outstretched arms. He always liked the lady. She made him laugh.

“Debbie,” Justin said when she released his son. “You remember my friend Blake, don’t you?”

“Who could forget a cute little thing like him? How’re you doing Sweetie?”

“Nice to see you again, Debbie,” Blake said with a smile.

“Now, you boys go sit down and I’ll be right over to take your order,” Debbie assured them as she went back into work mode.

Once all three of them were settled and Debbie had taken their order, Justin and Blake began talking about the show that was starting the following week.

“So is everything ready?” Blake asked.

“As ready as it’s going to be. I know I agreed to help out with this one because it’s a new gallery, but no one knows what they’re doing and it’s driving me nuts. I think I’ll stick to the more experienced galleries from now on,” Justin sighed.

“Yeah right. You’ve always been a sucker for a good cause. Besides, sharing your experiences with others is a good thing. You’re brilliant when it comes to the art world. Think of all that these people will learn from you,” Blake pointed out.

Justin was about to respond when Gus’s words caused his blood to run cold.

“Daddy, isn’t that my other Daddy? The one who helped Mommy make me?”

Justin’s head shot up and his eyes instantly locked with familiar hazel ones.

Brian walked into the diner and looked around, smiling at the memories that ran though his brain. When he looked towards the back of the room, he stopped in his tracks by what he was seeing. Justin was sitting in the last booth next to a young boy who looked exactly like Brian had when he was young. His heart skipped a beat as his brain registered that it was his son. Without thinking Brian slowly approached the table, unsure of what he was going to say.

Justin saw Brian approaching the table and began to panic. He never imagined that he’d ever see Brian again and he wasn’t prepared for the feelings that were threatening to suffocate him. “Blake, we need to get out of here.”

Before either one of them had the time to react, Brian was standing along side of them, his eyes directly on Justin.

“Hey,” Brian all but whispered.

“What are you doing here, Brian?” Justin asked bitterly.

“It’s a diner, its lunchtime, I was hungry,” Brian said, trying to lighten the tension that was obvious between them.

“Well, enjoy your lunch. We’re out of here. Come on, Gus. Let’s go.”

Blake wasn’t sure what he should do but he could see that Justin was just barely holding himself together and knew that he needed to do something. “Deb,” he called out as he stood up from the booth. “Cancel our order. We’re leaving.”

Debbie wasn’t sure what was happening, but she recognized the man that stood by Justin as one of the guys who used to hang out there years before. She sensed that there was some kind of history between him and Justin and hoped that the sweet blond was okay. “No problem, Sweetie. I’ll take care of it for you.”

Justin helped Gus out of the booth and quickly ushered him out of the diner, leaving Blake to deal with Brian.

“Stay away from them,” Blake demanded sternly.

“And who are you? The boyfriend?” Brian snapped.

“No, but I know who you are and what you’ve done. You’ve hurt him enough and I won’t stand by while you do it again,” Blake replied angrily.

“I have no intentions of hurting anyone. I’m back in town for a few months and I just wanted to see him again. What’s the harm in that?”

It took everything Blake had to keep from punching the guy’s lights out, but he needed to get to Justin and make sure he was okay. “Look, just stay away from him. He’s been though enough and it’s taken him a long time to get to where he is today. If you ever cared about him, you will leave him alone.”

“And if I don’t?”

“You don’t want to find out,” Blake stated before walking out of the diner, leaving Brian feeling all sorts of emotions.

Once Blake got into the car, Justin pulled away from the curb, needing to get as far away from Brian as he could. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. What the hell was Brian doing in Pittsburgh? After the long week he had, all Justin wanted to do was spend a nice peaceful day with his son and his friend. Was that too much to ask?

“Are you okay?” Blake asked softly, placing a comforting hand on Justin’s thigh.

“I’m not sure,” Justin admitted.

“Why don’t you pull over and let me drive while you call you mother? I’m sure she’d be willing to take Gus to the zoo.”

Justin wanted to argue but he knew he was in no condition to drive and the zoo was the last place he wanted to be. He put on his blinker and pulled off to the side of the road. Once he was sitting in the passenger side, he turned around and faced Gus.

“Buddy, I’m sorry about all of that. Are you okay?” He asked in concern.

“I’m fine Daddy, but I don’t understand. Why were you so upset? You told me that my other Daddy was a good man who just didn’t know how to take care of kids. If he’s a good man, why did we run out of there?” Gus asked with all the innocence of a child.

Justin looked over at Blake, who just shrugged in helplessness, and tried to come up with an excuse. “I…uh…I guess I was just surprised to see him. I didn’t know he was back in town,” Justin replied lamely.

“Am I going to see him again? Does he want to see me?” Gus asked softly.

“I don’t know, Gus. I haven’t talked to him since before you were born so I don’t know what he wants,” Justin answered honestly. “Do you want to see him?”

“Would you be mad if I do?”

“Of course not. Why would I be mad?” Justin asked in surprise.

“Well, you’re my Daddy and he’s my Daddy, too. I don’t want you to think that I want to be with him because I love you and I don’t know him. I just want to talk to him. I want to know why he doesn’t love me like you do.” Gus’s voice was shaky from emotions, but he was trying to be strong.

“Buddy, I told you before that it has nothing to do with you. He never even met you so he has no idea what a good kid you are,” Justin explained, his heart breaking for the poor little boy who had lost so much in his short life.

“I know…I guess I just want to…meet him. Would that be okay?”

Justin wasn’t sure how to even answer Gus. He didn’t know why Brian was back in Pittsburgh or if he even wanted to meet his son. He was so caught up in his own feelings about the return that he never thought about how it would affect Gus. “I’ll tell you what, Gus. I’ll talk to Brian and see what he says. I’m not going to promise anything though, okay?”

“Okay Daddy.” And just like that, the situation was dropped.

Justin called his mother and explained what had happened. She was horrified to hear that Brian Kinney was back and already causing trouble for her two boys. She readily agreed to take Gus to the zoo and keep him over night if it would help the situation. Justin promised to drop him off, but declined the offer of a sleep over. He had a feeling that he would sleep better knowing that Gus was asleep in his own bed right down the hall.

After dropping Gus off at his mother’s, Justin took back control of the car and drove towards Blake’s house. He hadn’t said a word since Gus got out of the car and Blake was starting to get worried.

“Are you alright, Justin?” Blake finally asked as Justin pulled up in front of his apartment building.

“I don’t really know. I haven’t been able to process anything yet. I just need a little time to think about everything and decide what my next move is going to be. It’s obvious that I’m not going to be able to bury my head in the sand and forget about Brian. Gus wants to meet his father and as much as I want to protect him, I can’t keep them apart. It wouldn’t be fair to Gus.”

“Well, you have my number. I’ll be here if you need me,” Blake assured him.

“Thanks, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Justin replied honestly. He leaned in and kissed Blake quickly before pulling back. “Later.”

“Later,” Blake said as he climbed out of the car. He stood on the sidewalk watching the back of Justin’s car until it disappeared out of sight, hoping that his friend would be okay when all was said and done.

&&&&&

Brian watched Justin’s friend walk out of the diner before collapsing in the booth that they’d just vacated. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling about the encounter, but something inside him stirred not only by seeing Justin again after all this time, but by seeing his son for the first time. Was it possible that he made a mistake walking away eight years ago? His thoughts were interrupted when the loud mouthed waitress appeared at his side.

“What the fuck did you do to Sunshine?”

“Sunshine?” Brian asked in confusion.

“Justin; what did you do to him? He was fine when he came in here but the minute he saw you…I haven’t seen him that upset since he lost his son’s mother,” Debbie explained.

“His son’s mother? What do you mean lost her?” Brian demanded, his blood running cold.

“Gus’s mother…I think her name was Lindsay. She was killed years ago in a horrible accident. That poor boy walked around like a zombie for months. We were worried sick about him. I know he’s not really the boy’s father, but that asshole walked out on Lindsay while she was pregnant. Justin has been like a father to the boy ever since. If it hadn’t been for that little boy, I don’t know if Justin would have made it.” Debbie noticed the way the color drained from the man’s face and wondered if she said too much. Her brother Vic was always telling her to keep her big mouth shut. “I’m sorry, did you know Lindsay?”

“Yeah, I’m the asshole,” Brian replied emotionlessly as he stood up and walked out of the diner.

“Shit, I’m beginning to think Vic is right,” Debbie sighed as she watched the door to the diner close behind him.


End of part 2
2/06/05

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