Something To Prove

Chapter 7

Justin was sitting quietly in the jeep as Brian drove through the crowded streets of the city. He wished there was something he could say to make the whole horrible situation easier, but even though words were his business, there was nothing he could come up with at that moment to ease the tension. Brian eventually pulled up into the driveway and shut off the engine. He continued to sit there for a moment before laying a comforting hand on Justin’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry, three days isn’t that long to wait.”

“No, three days isn’t that long to wait if you’re waiting for a birthday or Christmas, or even a fucking vacation. When you’re waiting to find out if you’re HIV positive, three days is like an eternity,” Justin replied angrily.

“Justin…”

“Look Brian, I appreciate you taking me for the test, but can we just forget about it for now? I need to get inside and check on Aaron,” Justin sighed, letting go of some of his anger. He knew he shouldn’t be taking his frustration and fear out on Brian, but he just couldn’t seem to help it. He was terrified of what the results of his blood test were going to be.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Brian replied as he climbed out of the jeep. He tried not to feel slighted by Justin’s reaction but it wasn’t easy. He was doing his best to stand by Justin and help him though his current disaster, but he felt so helpless and hated feeling that way.

As soon as they walked into the house, Justin heard the sound of his son’s laughter coming from the living room. He breathed a sigh of relief before going in to see what was going on. Joan stopped him just outside the doorway.

“Justin, I don’t know what triggered the change in Aaron, but he’s like an entirely different boy than the one who wouldn’t let you leave his sight. When you first left I thought we were going to have a problem. His eyes got a little teary and he stared at the door for a few minutes, but then Jack asked him if he wanted to watch a movie and they’ve been huddled together in front of the TV ever since,” she explained softy so she couldn’t be heard.

“Yeah, I guess watching your father have a complete meltdown would affect any child,” Justin replied dryly.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve been through a lot in the last couple of months. You held it together for your son as long as you could. No one can blame you for getting to the end of your rope. I just hope that you’ll start taking better care of yourself.”

“I’m gonna try,” Justin offered with a small smile.

“We’re going to make sure that you do,” Brian said as he came up behind them. “Now why don’t you go get Aaron ready and I’ll take you both out to dinner. I know the perfect place.”

“Brian, you don’t have to do that,” Justin said.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. I’m sure Dad could use the rest and Aaron will love it.”

Justin nodded his head and then went to greet his son, leaving Brian and Joan standing at the door watching.

“Brian, I don’t know what was going on with you when Justin first got here, but I’m glad to see you’re back to your old self. Justin needs us right now. It’s got to be scary for him. He not only lost his partner, but he lost his home and his security, too. He’s faced with starting over again, but now he’s got a small child to take care of. Your father and I are doing the best that we can, but he needs someone more his age to talk to. Maybe you can drag him out to one of those clubs you go to. I know he’s not ready to start dating just yet, but I think getting out among other people will help him a bit, don’t you?”

“I’m not so sure about that right now, Mom. I think he just needs a little time to get himself together. Now that Aaron seems to be getting better, I think what Justin really needs is to get back to working on his art. Let’s just give him his space and see what he wants to do,” Brian replied as he looked through the doorway and watched the interaction between father and son. He refused to think about his feelings regarding the thought of Justin dating again. “He’ll get through this on his own time in his own way.”

Joan sighed at Brian’s suggestion. “I guess you’re right. I just hate seeing him so down all the time. I know Wyatt wouldn’t want him to be so sad.”

“Fuck Wyatt and what he’d want,” Brian barked loud enough to draw the attention of everyone in the room, including Justin who looked shock. “I’m going upstairs to change.”

Brian walked away from his mother, leaving her to stand by in utter confusion. She didn’t know what she’d said to make Brian snap at her like that, but the look on Justin’s face told her there was something she hadn’t been told. She wanted to ask him about her son’s outburst, but unfortunately Aaron suddenly ran to her, forcing her to let the moment pass.

“Grandma, Grandma, Daddy and Uncle Brian are going to take me out to eat,” Aaron beamed.

“I know sweetheart. Why don’t we go upstairs and get you cleaned up so you’re ready when they are?” Joan took the child’s hand and led him up the stairs as he chatted excitedly about his plans.

Meanwhile, Jack took the opportunity to talk to Justin without having anyone else around.

“Son, how’re you doing today?”

“I’m alright, Jack. I’m sorry about yesterday. I don’t know what happened to me. One minute I was fine and the next…well, I’m not sure, but it won’t happen again,” Justin assured him.

“Justin, I hope it doesn’t happen again, but for your own sake, not ours. I know that losing Wyatt so tragically has been hard on you, but I think it’s time for you to start putting your life back together again. I don’t expect you to just pretend that nothing happened, but maybe you need to start going out again. Now that Aaron’s settling down I think it’s safe for you to go out and start meeting new people. I also think you should try working on your art. You know how much Joanie and I love having you here, but I doubt you want to stay with us forever.”

“No, I don’t,” Justin replied with a slight smile. “I was thinking about getting another job waiting tables. The pay is pretty good and should give me enough money to support my son.”

“That’s not what I as suggesting. I want you to start painting again. You’re too talented to be serving up dishes at some restaurant,” Jack stated.

“It’s not that easy. I’m having trouble concentrating. I can’t seem to find my muse anymore. I started a few pieces, but haven’t been able to finish any of them. I think my career as an artist went up in smoke along with the rest of my life.”

“Bullshit!” Brian snapped from the doorway, startling both his father and Justin. “I never pegged you for a quitter.”

“Brian…”

“What? That’s what you want to do, right? Just give up something that means so much to you because your life sucks right now? What happened to that kid who went against his parents wishes and applied to SVA behind their backs? The one who was determined to make it as an artist regardless of what everyone else thought?”

“Fuck you! I don’t have the luxury of doing what I want to do. I have to do what’s best for my son. And what do you know about that kid and his dreams? All you ever cared about was yourself and what you wanted?” Justin was enraged by the nerve of Brian and his accusations.

“I know a lot more than you think. Kevin Johnson’s a friend of mine. I know all about young Justin Taylor.” Brian spat, ignoring the confused look on his father’s face.

“What?” Justin asked incredulously. Kevin Johnson was his advisor at SVA, but they’d hit it off immediately and became friends during his freshman year. They’d spent so many nights having dinner and drinks together, discussing all of Justin’s dreams for the future. Kevin had even admitting to falling for the blond towards the end of his senior year, but Justin had politely told him that he valued their friendship too much to cross the line into a relationship. Kevin claimed he understood, but their friendship seemed to cool after that and by the time graduation rolled around Justin was more than ready to move on. The thought of Kevin and Brian talking about him sent chills down his back. “What did he tell you? Did he know about…” Justin’s voice trailed off as he suddenly realized that Jack was still in the room listening to them.

“No, he didn’t. But he did tell me about how talented you were and how he thought you’d go far in your career. He predicted that you’d be an international success by the time you were thirty five if you kept your focus. You were quite the topic of conversation for awhile. I wonder what he’d think about you giving up your art.”

“I don’t give a fuck what he thinks. It’s none of his business and it’s certainly none of yours!” Justin exclaimed. He was fuming and turned around to head upstairs as far away from Brian as he could when he was stopped by his son who came tearing into the room.

“Okay Daddy, I’m ready. Can we go now?” Aaron asked innocently, oblivious to the tension in the room.

“Hey buddy, why don’t we just have dinner here tonight instead? We can have hot dogs?” Justin offered, hoping that the suggestion of his favorite food would get his son to relent. He should’ve known better.

“But Daddy, I want to go out with you and Uncle Brian. You said we were going to go,” Aaron whined. “Uncle Brian, why aren’t we going?”

“Don’t worry, Munchkin. We’re still going. Daddy’s just being silly. Right Daddy?”

Justin looked over at the gleam in Brian’s eyes and felt his blood pressure rise even more at the audacity of the man before him. He knew there was no way he could refuse the pleading in his son’s voice, and Brian knew it, too. “Its okay, Aaron. We’re still going. Just let me run upstairs and change and then we can go.”

“Yay!”

Justin was gone for about ten minutes. When he returned, he grabbed his son and said goodbye to Jack and Joan and then headed out the door without so much as a glanced at Brian, leaving the older man to sigh loudly and follow behind them.

“Joanie, have you ever gotten the feeling that there’s more going on between Brian and Justin than we know?” Jack asked once he was sure they were alone.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Joan replied in confusion.

Jack relayed the argument between Brian and Justin, explaining the way they seemed very familiar with each other as well as Justin’s apprehension over talking in front of him. “I’m telling you, there’s something going on between them that we aren’t aware of.”

“You mean like something…going on?” Joan asked using the tone of her voice to indicate her meaning.

“No, nothing like that. At least not right now. But somehow I get the feeling that there was something going on at some point. Brian mentioned something about a young Justin and his time a SVA.”

“You think they knew each other before Justin met Wyatt? That’s absurd. Why wouldn’t they have mentioned it before when Justin and Wyatt first started dating?” Joan turned her mind back to the beginning of her son’s relationship, trying to remember if there were any signs of a relationship between Justin and Brian. “Oh my goodness,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Well, I’m not sure if there’s any connection to them but do you remember when Brian was in his senior year of NYU? I was convinced that he was seeing someone, but he refused to admit it. I remember how happy he seemed back then. Every time he came home for dinner he had such a smile on his face. Then, about a year later it stopped. He suddenly seemed so sad.”

“I remember that. I asked him what was wrong and he just sighed and told me that he was fine. He said he just had a lot on his mind, but that eventually he’d be back to his old self. I tried to push further but he refused to discuss it with me so I eventually dropped it. You don’t think that has anything to do with Justin, do you? God he could’ve only been about eighteen at the time,” Jack replied.

“Yeah, a young Justin at SVA. Don’t you remember the weird way Justin acted the first night we met him? He seemed preoccupied from the moment he met Brian. Wyatt even picked up on it, if I remember correctly.”

“You’re right. He asked Justin and Brian if they knew each other and Justin got a little pale but said that he just felt as if they’d known each other because he heard so much about him.”

“Jack, do you think it’s possible that there was a Brian and Justin before there was a Wyatt and Justin.” Joan asked softly.

‘I’m not sure, but I’m beginning to think it’s a possibility,” Jack answered softly. “Maybe I should talk to them. See if I can find anything out.”

“No Jack, I don’t think we should interfere. Let’s just give them some room and see what happens. We might be jumping to conclusions, but whatever the story is, we don’t have the right to get ourselves in the middle of it. They’re grown men. They’ll handle this on their own.”

“I hope you’re right. They’ve just been through so much lately. We all have. I don’t want to see either one of them hurt,” Jack sighed in concern.

“Me neither. We’ll just have to keep an eye on them and see what happens. No matter what happens, I’m sure everything will turn out for the best,” Joan said, although she wasn’t sure exactly who she was trying to convince.

Brian took Justin and Aaron to Mars 2112 for dinner, enjoying the smile on Aaron’s face as the dressed up characters played with him and kept him entertained. Justin watched his son with a small smile on his face, but Brian could tell that it wasn’t real. Once they were done, they walked around Time Square and did a little shopping. By the time they made their way back to the parking garage and Aaron was secure in his car seat, the poor child drifted off to sleep in utter exhaustion, giving Brian some time to try and make amends.

“I’m sorry about earlier. You were right, it’s none of my business what you do with your life. I just hate to see you give up something that was once so important to you.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I snapped at you. It’s just so frustrating. I’m trying so hard to put my life back together and every time I think I’m managing to do just that, something happens to knock me back down again. My brain feels like mush half the time and my concentration is for shit. I can’t even pick up a paint brush anymore without drawing a complete blank and if it turns out that I’m positive…”

“Justin…”

“No Brian, don’t even say it. You know as well as I do that it’s a very good possibility that I am. If that’s the case, I don’t have the luxury of wasting my time painting when I can’t even produce anything. I need to focus on Aaron now and his needs. And even if I’m not positive, I still have to provide for my son. He needs a father who can support him, keep him fed and clothed. How am I supposed to do that if I can’t even finish a painting?” Justin said with determination.

“But it’s not a pipe dream. Your art is a part of who you are. Look Justin, I’ve been doing pretty well the last couple of years. If you don’t want to bother Mom and Dad with this, let me…”

“No! I’m not taking your money!” Justin exclaimed a little too loudly, causing his son to become restless and begin to wake up.

“Daddy?”

“It’s okay Buddy, go back to sleep,” Justin said softly, placing a comforting hand on his son. Once Aaron was sleeping again he turned to Brian. “Just drop it, okay?”

Brian didn’t say anything else. Instead he focused on the road, trying to come up with a way to get Justin to accept his help. When they finally reached the house, Justin felt dead on his feet and didn’t argue when Brian took Aaron out of the car and started carrying him up to bed. He watched Brian from the doorway as he gently pulled off the boy’s shoes and tucked him into bed. He could see the slump of his shoulders and felt bad for being so harsh in his refusal for money. He knew that Brian was just trying to help, but he needed to do it on his own. Once Brian was finished, he turned to leave and Justin followed him out into the hallway, wanting to apologize.

“Brian, I’m sorry I snapped before, but you’ve got to understand. I can’t just sit back and let everyone else take care of me. Your parents have already done enough and I’m so grateful for that, but I need to start taking care of my son on my own.”

“I understand your need to be independent, but I’m not going to sit back and watch you throw away your dreams because of something that you have no control over. Especially since it’s my fault you’re in this mess to begin with,” Brian replied quietly before turning and heading towards his own room.

“Wait, what? Brian, this isn’t your fault. You had nothing to do with what’s happening right now.”

“Oh, don’t I? If I hadn’t been such a cold-hearted bastard all those years ago and just told you how I felt, none of this would be happening right now. The way I see it, this is all my fault. Goodnight Justin,” Brian said softly as he walked away, leaving Justin to stare after in caught up in a mixture of confusion and pain.


End of part 7
10/13/05

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