Something To Prove

Chapter 4

By the time Justin was at the airport waiting for his flight, he was thankful that Aaron hadn’t been with him for the last few days. He couldn’t believe that it had only been three days since he’d seen his son. It felt like a lifetime; especially under the circumstances. His mind still replayed all that he found out as he tried to tie up the loose ends that Wyatt’s death had caused. He hadn’t told anyone about the betrayal. He still loved Wyatt and refused to tarnish his memory to those who loved him, but his own memory was never going to be the same.

In the last few days he learned that Wyatt had not only let their house insurance lapse, but he also took out a second mortgage against the house for twenty thousand dollars. Justin had never seen a cent of the money. Apparently his beloved partner used it to finance a small apartment for his secret lover. Justin would never forget the pain he felt when his lawyer informed him of Wyatt’s affair. Colin…that was the guy’s name. He’d been an aspiring writer and met Wyatt at a writer’s conference that they both attended almost two years before. According to Colin, from what he told Justin’s lawyer, they’d been together ever since. The betrayal cut through him like a knife and added to the guilt and pain he was still dealing with over the fire, Justin was walking around like a zombie.

He thought about calling Dani and talking to her, but he was still mad at her for going to Jack and Joan behind his back. He knew he’d get over it eventually, but he needed time to come to terms with her interference. He couldn’t talk to Joan and Jack about it. They were grieving, too and he didn’t want to add to their pain. No, he had no one to turn to. He’d just have to keep his feeling bottled up and let everyone think that his grief was all about the man he loved, but apparently never really knew. By the time they called his flight number, Justin was more than ready to get on the plane and put Vermont behind him.

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“Daddy!” Aaron yelled as he let go of his Grandmother’s hand and raced towards his father. “I missed you so much.”

Justin dropped his small bag and opened his arms, catching the excited toddler and pulling him into his arms. “I missed you, too buddy. Have you been good for Grandma and Grandpa?”

“Yep. I even ate all my vegetables,” Aaron replied proudly.

“That’s my boy,” Justin smiled, fighting the tears that were brimming in his eyes. It seemed that all he did was cry anymore. “Hey Joan, thanks for picking me up.”

“No problem, Justin. I guess that’s all you have?” she asked, indicating to the small bag at Justin’s feet.

“That’s everything.”

“Daddy, where’s Papa? I thought he’d be coming with you,” Aaron asked innocently.

“Buddy, we talked about this, remember? Papa had to go away,” Justin explained softly.

“I know but when’s he coming back? He’s been gone for a real long time.”

Justin looked over at Joan whose eyes were glistening with unshed tears as well before turning his attention to his son. “How about if we talk about this later? I haven’t seen you in three long days. I want to hear about all you did while I was gone.”

That somehow seemed to satisfy Aaron, who immediately began to relay every thing he did to his father and both Justin and Joan sighed in relief as they headed towards the car.

Joan had made a nice dinner for everybody and thanks to Aaron’s endless chatter; Justin didn’t have too much time to dwell on the empty seat at the end of the table. Apparently Brian decided that Justin being there didn’t warrant a celebration. It hurt Justin to know that Brian was avoiding him. He’d seen it in Vermont and now he was experiencing it in New York. He once again doubted his decision to move into the Kinney home. He hated to think that his presence was causing Brian more grief and Brian’s obvious snubbing was hurting him more than he was willing to admit.

Joan sensed Justin’s discomfort and noticed he kept looking at the empty place she’d set out for Brian. She couldn’t figure out what was going on with her oldest son. After losing Wyatt like they had, she would’ve thought that Brian would seek comfort from his family. She realized back in Vermont that Brian was keeping his distance from Justin and that was so out of character for him. He usually spent all his time laughing and talking with Wyatt and Justin during all their family gatherings. She was becoming concerned with his recent behavior and promised herself she’d talk to Jack about it when they were alone.

“So Justin, what’re your plans now that you’re here?” Jack asked after Aaron had gone off to watch his favorite TV show.

“Jack, don’t pressure him. He needs time to grieve before making any decisions,” Joan chastised him before turning her attention to Justin. She hated to see the dark circles under his eyes, knowing that it was because he still wasn’t sleeping. “You take your time Justin. You and Aaron are welcome her for as long as you like. There’s no rush in figuring out things right now.”

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if…” Justin’s voice trailed off as he thought again about how alone he was in the world.

“Justin, you’re a part of this family, too. And families have to stick together during times like this,” Joan said as her eyes began to mist. “We all miss Wyatt very much and we’ll find a way to get through this together.”

Once dinner was finished, Justin went to get his son and took him upstairs for his bath. By the time he got the boy settled in bed, he was restless and dreading being alone through the night. He undressed and tried to force his mind to clear as he crawled into bed next to his sleeping son, but after a few hours he knew that sleep wasn’t coming anytime soon. He jumped out of bed and grabbed his robe, thinking that some fresh air would help him relax. As he walked down the stairs he saw a light coming from the living room and went to see who else was up in the middle of the night. He saw Brian standing by the window with a glass in his hand, probably scotch, and entered the room hesitantly.

“Brian?” he said softly, breaking the silence.

“What do you want?” Brian replied emotionlessly without turning around.

“I…uh…couldn’t sleep. I was going to step outside for some air but noticed the light was on,” Justin explained. “Are you alright?”

Brian spun around, dark hazel eyes meeting Justin’s causing the younger man to take a step back in fear. “What do you think? My brother is dead, remember?”

“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” Justin stammered nervously under Brian’s angry glare. “Of course you’re not alright. I…guess I just wondered if there was something I could do.”

“Something you could do? You’re joking, right?” Brian laughed bitterly, enjoying the fear he saw in Justin’s eyes. “You let my brother die. Isn’t that enough?”

Justin gasped at the venom in Brian’s words before running from the room, his tears blurring his vision. He blindly made his way back upstairs and locked him self in his room. He shut himself in the small bathroom that was connected to the room and sobbed quietly, feeling all the anguish and sorrow of the last week wash over him to the point of physical pain. Brian had just reiterated everything he’d been feeling since waking up in the hospital and learning of Wyatt’s death. He felt as if he was drowning. It was one thing to blame yourself for such a tragedy, but to hear the accusations thrown at you with such hatred was almost impossible to bear. As the night began to fade and a new day started, Justin had managed to stop his tears and plan for the future. The first thing he had to do was find a job. He needed to make some money so that he and Aaron could get a place of their own. Staying with the Kinney’s wasn’t an option anymore. Not with Brian feelings being what they were.

Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple. As the days went by, Aaron began to realize that Wyatt wasn’t coming back and he clung to Justin like a lifeline, afraid that he too, would disappear. Justin tried to reassure him that everything would be okay, but he was too young to understand. All he knew was that his Papa was gone and he didn’t want his daddy gone, too.

Joan tried to talk to Justin, tell him that there was no rush in getting a job. They had more than enough money to support him and Aaron while the little boy adjusted to his new life, but she didn’t know about the run-in Justin had with Brian. Since that night, Brian’s appearance in the house was rare. He was usually gone before anyone woke up in the morning and didn’t come home until everyone was in bed. Justin had heard him come in late at night, but always stayed in his room to avoid another confrontation. He was still reeling from the first one.

He finally agreed to take a small loan from Jack and Joan so that he could buy some art supplies. If he wasn’t able to go out and get a job, he could at least work on a few paintings and hope to find a gallery who would be interested in showing them. After a quick trip to the supply store, with Aaron by his side of course, Justin had everything he needed to begin his work; everything but the desire to paint. Since the fire, Justin’s passion for creating seemed to be missing. He would grab a sketch book or stare at a canvas, but nothing came to mind. His muse was gone right along with his partner and he began to wonder if he would ever be able to move on after the loss of the man he loved. The man who he realized he never really knew to begin with.

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Brian woke up with a massive hang-over. It wasn’t the first one since the day he learned of his brother’s death, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last, but it was enough to make him stay in bed instead of rushing out of the house at the crack of dawn. On this particular Friday morning he opted to stay at home and face the wrath of his parents when he finally appeared later in the day. He’d been getting phone calls from both of them daily at the office, questioning him on his behavior and his disappearance from his family. They obviously didn’t know about what happened between him and Justin and for that he was thankful. The last thing he needed was their disapproval and he knew that was exactly what he would get. They loved having Justin and Aaron in the house and didn’t feel as he did about Justin’s negligence. He quickly called his office and told them he was taking a sick day before falling back into a restless sleep. When he finally awoke a few hours later, he took a shower and dressed casually, mentally preparing himself for the argument he knew was about to take place. What he didn’t know was that his parents had gone out for the day, leaving Justin and Aaron alone for the first time since they moved in almost four weeks earlier. Brian found them playing with trucks in the living room. Aaron was the first one to notice his presence.

“Uncle Brian, where have you been?” the boy exclaimed as he jumped up and ran to his uncle. “I haven’t seen you in a really long time.”

Brian swooped Aaron up in his arms, feeling a catch in his throat at his excitement. “I’m sorry Munchkin, I’ve been busy at work.” Brian chanced a glance at Justin and was immediately sorry he did. The blond looked horrible. The dark circles under his eyes screamed of sleep depravation and he was noticeably thinner than usual.

“Do you want to play with us? You can have the black truck.” Aaron jumped down and ran over; bringing the truck back to Brian before he could refuse. “Here.”

Brian didn’t know what to do. The tension in the room was so thick and he knew that Justin felt it, too. Before either of them had time to respond, Aaron announce his need to go to the bathroom and bolted out of the room. Justin laughed softly at his son’s excitement before turning to Brian.

“You don’t have to do this. Just tell him that you have to go to work and he’ll understand.”

That was exactly what Brian wanted to do, but hearing Justin suggest it caused him to become defensive. “He’s my nephew. Did it ever occur to you that I want to spend some time with him?”

Justin wanted to argue. If Brian had been so interested in Aaron, he would’ve made an appearance sometime over the last four weeks. But instead he decided to let it slide. He could take advantage of the situation. If Aaron was busy playing with Brian, Justin could actually grab a few minutes to himself. “Look, when he gets back keep him busy and I’ll just slip out of the room and give you a little time alone with him.”

“You know, I’m going to be here all afternoon. Why don’t you leave him here with me and go somewhere? Like maybe job hunting?” Brian replied sarcastically. He was tired of seeing Justin sponging off his parents. They had the money, but that was no reason for Justin to take advantage of them.

“If only it was that simple,” Justin whispered.

Brian heard his reply and was about to question him on it when Aaron came running back in the room full of energy. He plopped down on the floor next to Brian while Justin got up and sat down on the couch behind them, just out of Aaron’s sight. Brian blocked out his presence and focused on Aaron and the trucks in front of them.

Justin waited until Aaron was lost in their game before quietly sneaking out of the room. He felt bad about it, but the last thing he wanted to do was spend an awkward afternoon with Brian. Not to mention he wanted to take a shower without the watchful eye of a three year old. Something he rarely did unless it was the middle of the night and Aaron was sleeping.

Brian saw Justin leave out of the corner of his eye and relaxed a bit. He hated that he felt so uncomfortable around the man considering they used to be close, but he couldn’t get the idea of Justin leaving Wyatt in a burning house out of his head. He also hated the way Justin seemed to be content to live off the Kinney money; something that he and his brother swore they’d never do. Brian pushed those thoughts away and focused on his nephew, and was surprised about fifteen minutes later when Aaron realized that his father wasn’t in the room.

“Daddy? Daddy?” Aaron called out looking around nervously. “Daddy, where are you?”

“Its okay, Aaron. I think your dad had something to do,” Brian said, noticing the panic that was setting in. “He’ll be back soon.”

“Daddy! Daddy!” Aaron cried as huge tears started rolling down his cheeks. “Daddy!”

Brian jumped up and grabbed Aaron, trying to calm the distraught child. “Its okay, Munchkin. He’s probably just upstairs.”

“I want my Daddy! Please, I want my Daddy,” Aaron sobbed, his small body trembling.

Brian wasn’t sure what was happening. Aaron was just fine before noticing that Justin had left the room. He continued to hold Aaron close, rubbing circles on his back in an attempt to calm him.

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Justin was just stepping out of the shower when he heard Aaron’s screams from below. He quickly grabbed his robe and threw it on as he raced downstairs and ran into the room, pulling the sobbing boy from his uncle’s arms.

“Shhh…its okay Aaron. Daddy’s got you,” Justin whispered in his ear and he rocked back and forth, trying to sooth him. “I’m sorry buddy; I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just upstairs taking a shower. I’m here now.”

Brian watched Justin comforting his son with so many questions running threw his head. He was shocked by Aaron’s hysteria and looked over at Justin for an explanation. He wanted to know what the outburst was about.

“Not now,” Justin said, reading Brian’s mind. He knew Brian was confused by what had happened, but he wouldn’t talk about it in front of the boy. He’d have to wait until Aaron dropped from exhaustion, which he seemed to do after an episode, before he could explain what happened.

Eventually Aaron’s sobs turning into sporadic hiccups and he drifted off to sleep on his father’s shoulder. Justin turned to Brian with a sad expression on his face. “Give me ten minutes to lay him down and get dress then come up to my room. I’ll explain then.” He walked away without giving Brian a chance to reply.

Brian waited fifteen minutes and went upstairs to find Justin’s door ajar and the blond standing by the French doors that led out to the balcony looking out at the back yard. Aaron was asleep in the center of the big bed looking peaceful in slumber. He tapped lightly on the door and walked inside. Justin turned around to face him and Brian saw the haunted look in his eyes.

“Come out on the deck and I’ll explain what you saw,” Justin said softly, glancing over to make sure Aaron was still sleeping.

Brian nodded wordlessly and walked across the room and out on the deck. It was a fairly warm day considering winter was approaching and he sat down in a chair and waited for Justin to start.

“Aaron’s too young to understand what happened in Vermont. All he knows is that his Papa is gone. I’ve tried to explain it to him, but at three he doesn’t understand about death and heaven. So now he refuses to let me out of his sight. I think he’s afraid that I’ll disappear, too.”

“How long has this been going on?” Brian asked with concern.

“Since I came to New York. Your Mom and Dad said he was fine while I was still in Vermont, but ever since I came here he hasn’t reacted well to my absence. He starts calling out for me and within minutes he’s in a full blown panic as you just saw. I’ve tried to reassure him that I’ll always be back, but once I’m out of sight he forgets all my promises and just panics,” Justin replied sadly.

Brian listened in horror to as Justin explained, wondering briefly how he hadn’t known what was happening before answering the question in his head. Because he hadn’t wanted to know, his inner voice told him. He purposely kept himself scarce to spare his own feelings regarding Justin and the fire. “That’s why you’re not working yet,” he stated.

Justin nodded his head in agreement. “I tried to go out job hunting a couple of times when I first arrived, but your mom always had to call me within ten minutes of my leaving the house. She couldn’t get him to calm down and by the time I got back here, he was always so hysterical. I couldn’t keep doing that to him. He’s been through so much already.”

“But what about you?”

“What about me?” Justin asked curiously.

“What do you find time for yourself?”

“At night while he’s sleeping. It’s the only time I can be alone to think about what I should do next. I’ve thought about contacting a therapist but I really can’t afford them and I’m not sure how much they could do for someone so young.”

Brian once again took in the dark circles under Justin’s eyes and suddenly knew where his fatigue came from. “When was the last time you slept?”

“I got about an hour last night, I guess. It doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that I’m doing what I can for my son. He’s what’s important to me right now.”

“What about Mom and Dad? Haven’t they helped you with him? Surely they could help ease his anxiety a little.”

“They’ve tried, Brian but it’s not that simple. Incase you haven’t noticed, they’re not as young as they used to be. Your Dad hasn’t been well since Wyatt’s death and considering he was still recovering from a heart attack I don’t want to add to the stress he’s already under. Your mother has been seeing a doctor for depression since my second week here. How can I pile anything else on them right now?” Justin asked rhetorically. “I’ll find a way to work through this on my own. They’ve already done enough for me.”

“Why didn’t I know about any of this? They’re my parents for Christ’s sake. Why didn’t they come to me with their health issues?”

“Because you haven’t been here, remember? You’ve made it perfectly clear that you have no desire to be a part of the family as long as I’m living here. If you came home before midnight on occasion you’d know what was happening,” Justin spat accusingly. “They’re actually at the hospital right now. Your dad is undergoing another series of tests to determine why he’s still having chest pains and shortness of breath.”

“This is fucking unbelievable!” Brian exclaimed as he stood up abruptly, letting the chair scrape across the deck and crash into the wall behind it.

“Brian, please keep it down. I don’t want Aaron to wake up just yet,” Justin demanded softly. “He’s been having nightmares and needs his rest.”

“I can’t believe that my family is falling apart and no one has bothered to fill me in on what’s going on. I may have been busy lately, but I do have a cell phone. You should’ve called me and told me about all of this.”

“Right, I should’ve just called you up. What was it you told me all those weeks ago? I let your brother die? I’ve done enough? Not to mention those times you told your father that I was just trying to sponge off them and their hospitality. I’ve heard both of them discussing it when they thought I was sleeping. Let me tell you something, Brian. I never would’ve stood back and let your brother die. I loved him too much for that. Aaron was and always will be my first priority, but once he was safely outside I tried going back inside. I fought tooth and nail to try to get back to Wyatt but one of the firefighter’s grabbed me at the door and dragged me away. He was so big and strong that I couldn’t break free. I pleaded with him to let me go back inside, but they wouldn’t listen to me,” Justin cried as memories of that night washed over him.

“Justin,” Brian began but Justin continued on in a rage, effectively cutting off Brian’s words.

“And as for sponging off your family, believe me that’s not my intention. I hate the fact that I can’t support my own son right now. It kills me to accept even the slightest hand out, but I have to do what’s best for Aaron. You’ve seen first hand what happens when I leave him. Can you imagine what would happen if I left him with a sitter for eight hours while I went to work? Besides, none of this would’ve been an issue if Wyatt had been thinking with his head instead of his dick. Now get the fuck out of my room and leave me alone!”

Brian was thrown by Justin’s outburst and confused by his comment about Wyatt, but one look at his face told him that now was not the time to push for answers. Instead, he quietly turned and walked off the balcony, pausing to glance at his sleeping nephew before leaving the room altogether to think about what he just learned and what he had to do to make the whole nightmare surrounding his family better.


End of part 4
09/10/05

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