Now That You're Here
Chapter 26
Chris finally got Zander to head home sometime around three. As much as he liked
having his partner there with him, Zan needed to get some rest. Not only did he
have Justin to worry about, but the store still needed him, too. Stacey was
going to help pick up the slack for awhile, but she couldn’t run the place by
herself and with the only other employee in a coma, it left Between the Pages
really short-handed. The hospital corridors were deserted in the early morning
hours, so when the loud speaker announced a code blue in ICU as he made his way
back from walking Zander to the car, Chris was able to run full speed to get to
his brother’s side. For those first few minutes, he experienced a fear that
surpassed anything he had felt since the news of the accident. He rushed through
the doors of ICU and paused, feeling the dampness on his face as he watched
hospital personnel rushing to and from the room across from Brian’s. The rush of
relief nearly caused his legs to buckle beneath him.
Chris stood back and waited for a few minutes, wanting to stay out of the way as
the nurses tried to save someone’s life. He knew it was ridiculous, but he felt
guilty for his overwhelming relief. Guilty because someone was slowly slipping
away and all he could think about was that he was so happy it wasn’t Brian.
Eventually the commotion eased, and Chris could tell by the somber mood that
settled over the floor that the patient didn’t make it. He slowly made his way
to Brian’s room and dropped down in the chair.
“Well there goes a few more years off my life. God, Brian, when I heard the
announcement for a code blue, I think my heart stopped. You have got to wake up.
I really need for you to wake up.”
Chris held onto Brian’s hand, watching the machines as they worked to keep him
alive, and thought about the room across the hall. It could’ve easily been Brian
lying there lifeless. He could’ve easily been the one who was going to have to
face saying goodbye to someone he loved. The sheer force of reality caused him
to break down and cry, not only for the fear and unknown that his family was
facing at the moment, but for the family of the person across the hall. He
finally got up and walked out of the room and came face to face with the elderly
man that he’d seen in the waiting room earlier in the night. He could tell by
the lost look on the man’s face that it was his loved one that lost their battle
to live.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Chris said, knowing that the words were so
insignificant.
“Thank you, son. I just have to remind myself that she lived a long life. It was
time for her to be with God. I’ll join her eventually,” the man replied sadly.
“Is that your boy in there?”
Chris got that a lot. The age difference between them always had strangers
thinking that they were father and son. “No, he’s my brother.”
“It’s a shame. He’s so young. Car accident, right? I heard the nurses talking
about it.”
“Yeah,” was all Chris could say.
“Don’t give up hope. My Margaret was too tired to fight any longer. Your brother
is a strong young man. He’ll pull through this. I know he will,” the old man
assured him. “Now I guess I better go. I have some phone calls to make. Hang in
there, son.”
“Thank you,” Chris replied. “Take care of yourself.”
The older man nodded and then walked away, leaving Chris standing there in the
corridor watching him go. He thought about what the man had said. Brian was a
strong, young man, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t lose his battle for life.
All Chris could do was hope that he didn’t. Hope and pray that Brian was able to
win the battle and live the rest of his life as he was meant to.
By six a.m. Chris was exhausted. The code blue scare was so terrifying that it
caused a rush of adrenaline, but now that was over and he was fading fast. What
he wouldn’t give to be able to climb into his own bed, with Zander at his side,
and sleep for a week. Instead, he once again positioned himself as comfortably
as he could in the hospital chair and drifted off to sleep.
Zander led Justin and Jason through the hospital halls, anxious to see Chris and
Brian. He had wanted Justin to rest some more before dragging him out of the
house, but Justin threatened to call a taxi, or worse yet, drive himself so
Zander had no choice. As they approached the waiting room, Zander turned to
Justin and smiled.
“You two stay here. I’m going to go down and get Chris. I don’t think the nurses
would appreciate all of us storming down there together.”
“Okay, but please hurry,” Justin replied softly. “I really need to see Brian.”
Zander nodded and then headed down to Brian’s room. He stopped short when he
walked through the door and found Chris sleeping soundly in the chair. He hated
waking him, but he didn’t want to keep Justin out any longer than he had to.
Despite Justin’s insistence that he was feeling okay, Zander could see how much
pain he was in. After a few hours of being out and about, Justin was going to
need to go home and rest. It was a good thing that Jason was there with them. He
had a feeling that getting Justin to go home wasn’t going to be easy and back up
was probably going to be needed.
Zander walked over to Chris and squatted down, bringing himself face to face
with the sleeping man. He could see the signs of fatigue and worry, even in
slumber, and wished there was something he could do to help his partner.
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” Zander whispered as he stroked Chris’ cheek gently.
Chris awoke with a start and glanced over at Brian before focusing on Zander.
“Hey, what time is it?”
“It’s a little after nine. I kept Justin away as long as I could, but he’s down
in the waiting room anxious to see Brian.”
“Wow, after nine? I actually slept for three uninterrupted hours? How did that
happen?” Chris laughed as he stood up and stretched. “How’s Justin doing?”
“Well, he insists that he’s feeling fine, but he’s lying through his teeth. I
can see how much pain he’s in when he thinks no one is looking. I called the
orthopedist before we left the house. He’s got an appointment tomorrow
afternoon. Poor Stacey is going to be exhausted when all this is over. I’m going
to have to give her at least a week off with pay to thank her for all she’s
done.”
“How are things going down there?”
“Okay, I guess. She’s insisting on working opening to closing today, but I feel
bad. Remember when I worked twelve hour days back when I first opened? It
sucked. It’s going to be a long day for her. I told her I’d open up tomorrow.
She’s going to come in at noon so that I can get Justin to the doctor,” Zander
explained.
“I wish I could help you out,” Chris replied. “Maybe I could leave here for a
few hours and just take Justin to his appointment.”
“No, don’t worry about it. You need to be here. I have Jason to help me out if I
need him to. He can bring Justin to the appointment and I’ll meet them there.
The office isn’t too far from the shop.”
“Alright, but I want you to promise me that if you need anything, you’ll let me
know. I want to be here for Brian, but you and Justin are my family, too. I’ll
juggle what I have to if you need me,” Chris said.
“I know, and I love you for that. I have everything under control for now. If
anything changes, I’ll let you know.”
“Okay. I could really use a cup of coffee. Why don’t we go down to the cafeteria
and let Justin have some time with Brian?” Chris suggested.
“Babe,” Zander began as he took a closer look at Chris. “When was the last time
you ate anything?”
“Before the accident, I guess.”
“Well then, you’d better add breakfast to the menu. You need to keep up your
strength or you won’t be here for Brian. You’ll be in your own bed somewhere in
this hospital. Come on.”
Zander took Chris’ hand and led him from the room. They stopped off at the
waiting room and told Justin and Jason where they were going and then headed
towards the elevator.
Justin immediately headed towards Brian’s room. He walked in and took a seat by
the bed. Maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him, but he thought that Brian
was looking a little bit better. His color seemed to be a little more normal
than the day before. He could hear Jason standing by the door, but he kept his
focus on Brian.
“Hey, how are you?” Justin asked as if Brian was awake and they were having an
everyday conversation. “I talked to Steve this morning. He called before school
to see how you were. I told him you were being as stubborn as ever and refusing
to wake up. Oh, and he’s going to go talk to the principal. Zander called him
this morning and told him what happened, but Steve is going to talk about
picking up your assignments at the end of the week. You’re going to miss so much
and you can’t screw up your senior year. Oh, and did Chris tell you that Jason
is here? He said he just wanted to make sure I was okay, but I think he just
wanted a vacation.”
“Hey,” Jason said teasingly. “Like this is any kind of vacation. You’re too hurt
to be any fun.”
“I’ll be fun again as soon as Brian is home with me.” Justin’s laugh turned into
a sob, but he fought it. He didn’t know if Brian could hear him or not, but he
didn’t want to risk it. The last thing Brian needed was to hear him sobbing at
his bedside…again.
“You hear that Brian? You’d better wake up so you don’t ruin my vacation,” Jason
teased.
Justin laughed and was once again thankful that Jason was there with him. For
the next forty minutes, Justin kept up an almost steady stream of conversation
with Brian. It wasn’t easy considering he refused to mention the accident or the
events since, but he managed to find topics that bordered on neutral territory.
He was sad to see Chris and Zander return, because he knew that meant he was
going to be forced to go home and rest. Sure enough, that was the first thing
out of Zander’s mouth.
“Alright you two, let’s get going. Justin needs to lay down for awhile. Jason,
did you bring down the bag that we brought?”
“Yeah, it’s over there,” Jason replied, pointing out the bag Zander had packed
for Chris. The hospital offered a locker room for family members who were
staying with their children. Chris fit the bill.
“I can’t wait to take a shower,” Chris admitted as he looked at the bag
longingly.
“Zan, maybe we should stay here with Brian while Chris takes his shower,” Justin
suggested, hoping for more time.
“Justin, Brian will be fine without me for twenty minutes while I go get cleaned
up. Go home and rest. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day. I’m sure the
orthopedist is going to be poking around. It probably won’t be pleasant,” Chris
said.
“Thanks Chris,” Justin laughed. “Like I wasn’t stressing enough. Alright, I’ll
go. But do you think I could come back after dinner? Zander doesn’t have to
bring me. Jason can drive my car.”
“If you go home and rest like a good patient, we’ll all come back later tonight.
Okay?” Zander countered. He planned on coming back after dinner to see Chris
anyway.
“Deal,” Justin agreed. He leaned over and kissed Brian, careful not to let
anyone see how much pain the move caused him. “Let’s go.”
Chris waited until everyone was gone before grabbing his bag. He walked over to
Brian and told him he’d be back and then went in search of a nurse. She directed
him to the shower room and he was so happy once he was finally standing under
the hot spray. As he scrubbed his hair and body clean, he gave himself a moment
to break down and release all the fear and worry that he’d been trying to hide.
He refused to let anyone other than Zander see exactly how scared he was, but
for those few minutes in the shower, while no one else was around, he gave in to
his fears.
Once he was dressed again, Chris ran down to his car and stored his bag before
making his way back to Brian’s side. He noticed that one of the nurses had been
in and changed the bandage on Brian’s head and the one on his hand. The room had
been obviously straightened as well. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to
Brian, taking his hand once again. But it was different this time. Something was
different. Instead of the limp hand that he’d been holding for the last two
days, the hand he held gave some resistance. Trying not to get too excited,
Chris reached for the bell and called the nurse’s station. One of the nurses
appeared immediately.
“Is something wrong, Chris?”
“Nancy, who changed Brian’s bandages?” Chris asked.
“I did. Why? Is there a problem?”
“Well, no. This is probably going to sound crazy, but something is off. His hand
isn’t as limp as it’s been. It’s almost like he’s sleeping…instead of
unconscious, if that makes any sense. Maybe I’m just imagining things,” Chris
admitted reluctantly.
“I didn’t notice anything, but the doctor is making rounds. I’ll track him down
and have him stop in and take a look.”
“Thanks Nancy,” Chris replied as he refocused on Brian. “Come on, Buddy. Wake up
for me.”
When the doctor showed up, Chris went out in the corridor while he did his exam.
His heart was beating fast as he waited to hear if the doctor thought Brian was
coming around. It seemed to take hours before the doctor walked out of the room.
“I’m going to remain cautiously optimistic until he actually wakes up, but his
pupils were responsive to light and I definitely felt resistance when moving his
limbs. Keep talking to him. If he’s starting to come around, hearing your voice
might help,” the doctor told him.
“Thank you, Dr. Kelley.”
“There’s no need to thank me. I told you the other night that I’d do everything
I could to make sure he pulled through this. I’m just keeping my promise.” The
doctor smiled and then walked away.
Chris went back into the room and took a seat alongside Brian again. He’d been
thinking while waiting for the doctor to finish his exam, trying to think of
something that would make Brian open his eyes; something that would force Brian
to wake up and come back to him. He wasn’t even sure if Brian could hear him,
but he was just so desperate to see those hazel eyes again, that he needed to do
something. With all the talking he had done since the whole ordeal started,
there was one topic of conversation that he stayed clear of. Maybe mentioning
Justin would give Brian the incentive to wake up.
“Hey buddy, you really need to wake up now. We have so much to talk about. Like
about how you and Justin have been seeing each other behind our backs. Why
didn’t you tell me? I thought you knew you could tell me anything. Did you think
I wouldn’t understand? I know how irresistible those Taylor/Morgan’s are,
remember? You know, Justin really loves you. He’s been so worried about you
these last few days. If you can’t wake up for me, do it for him.”
Chris sighed as he watched Brian closely. He really didn’t think that talking
about Justin would miraculously cause Brian to wake up, but he had been hoping.
He got up from his chair and walked to the window, looking out at the city. He
was still up in the air about calling his parents. A part of him felt that he
had an obligation to call and tell them what happened, but every time he went to
make the call, a voice inside his head stopped him from following through; a
voice that left him feeling sad and insecure. Would they even care? He really
needed to talk to Zander again. He needed to voice his thoughts before they
drove him crazy.
Chris went back to Brian’s side and took his hand. “Hey Bri, I’m going to go
make a phone call. I’ll be back soon.”
As soon as Chris reached the waiting room, he pulled out his phone and called
Zander.
“Hey Babe, is everything alright?” Zander asked.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Chris replied. “Listen, can I ask you something?”
“Of course you can.”
“Do you think I’m selfish?”
“What?” Zander asked incredulously. “Chris, you are one of the least selfish
people I know. How can you even ask that? Why are you even asking that?”
“I don’t know,” Chris sighed. “I was just sitting here thinking about calling my
parents. I really don’t want to call them.”
“That’s completely understandable. They turned their back on Brian. They signed
away their rights as if he was a title on an old car. It’s not surprising that
you’re hesitant to call them. They made it clear that they didn’t want to be a
part of Brian’s life; or yours. Forget I mentioned it. I just thought that maybe
something like this would get them to see how important family is. If you don’t
want to call them, you don’t have to.”
“But is calling them the right thing to do?”
“Chris, I don’t think there is a right or wrong in this situation. What exactly
is it that you’re worried about? Are you afraid that if you call them and they
refuse to come, Brian will find out and be hurt by another rejection? Because
you don’t have to tell him, you know? If they don’t care, Brian never has to
know you made the call,” Zander said.
“It’s not only Brian I’m worried about,” Chris said softly.
Zander could hear the sadness in Chris’ voice and suddenly realized exactly what
had Chris so worried. “You don’t want to be hurt by another rejection.”
“I know it sounds stupid. I mean, it’s been years since they disowned me. I have
a life of my own now; a great life that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the
world. But if I call them and they refuse to come, if they refuse to even speak
to me…”
“You’d once again be the gay son that they don’t want to know,” Zander finished
for him.
“I am selfish. This isn’t about me. This is about Brian and what’s right for
him.”
“Oh Babe, you’re not selfish. Being tossed aside for being who you are leaves
scars that will stay with you for life. I’m pretty sure it’s normal for you to
feel this way. There’s nothing wrong with trying to protect yourself, as well as
Brian, from the pain your parents caused both of you. You lived through it twice
already, when they turned their backs on you and then again when they did it to
Brian. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go for a third round. No one would
blame you for that. Look, Chris, I am so sorry I brought it up. I never thought
about how it would make you feel to reach out to them. You’re going through so
much right now. You don’t need to add to it; not for them.”
“I think…I think I’ll just wait and see what happens,” Chris said.
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. Do you want me to come back and sit with you
for awhile?” Zander offered.
“No, that’s okay. I’m fine. I’ll see you later when you bring Justin back,”
Chris replied.
“Alright, call me if you need me. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Chris dropped down in the nearest chair and wiped away the dampness from his
eyes. Zander was right. He didn’t want to go a third round with his parents, and
he wouldn’t. They made their choice years before when they decided to hate their
sons for being who they were born to be. Whatever happened in his or Brian’s
life was none of their business. He wasn’t about to give them another chance to
hurt either one of them again. With his decision made, Chris went back to
Brian’s room and made himself as comfortable as he could. He was asleep within
minutes.
The movement woke Chris immediately. The gentle squeeze of his hand brought him
out of his sleep and out of his chair.
“Brian? Come on, Buddy. Wake up,” Chris pleaded as he watched Brian try to open
his eyes. He reached for the call button without taking his eyes off Brian.
“Come on, you can do it.”
“Chris?” Nancy said from the doorway.
“He’s waking up. I think he’s really waking up,” Chris exclaimed.
“I’ll go find Dr. Kelley,” Nancy said as she disappeared from the room.
Chris continued to watch as Brian’s eyes fluttered open. “That’s it, baby
brother. Let me see those hazel eyes of yours.” Chris could see the dazed and
confused look on Brian’s face, and he could only imagine what was going through
Brian’s mind, but it didn’t matter. After two long, agonizing days, Brian was
finally awake. “It’s okay, Brian. I’m right here and everything’s going to be
okay now.”
As soon as Dr. Kelley arrived, Nancy escorted Chris out of the room so that the
doctor could examine Brian. He paced the hallway like a caged animal, keeping
his focus on the doorway at all times. He reached for his phone several times to
call Zander, but forced himself to wait. He wanted to make sure it wasn’t a
false alarm before getting everyone’s hopes up. The doctor finally joined him in
the hallway.
“He’s awake. He’s also a little disoriented and pretty weak. I’m going to run
some tests to see what’s going on, but it looks like the worst is over. He’s
going to be tired and will probably be drifting in and out of sleep for the rest
of the night, but don’t be alarmed. It’s normal,” Dr. Kelley assured him. “Go
spend some time with him and I’ll send someone to bring him down for a CAT scan
in about an hour.”
“Thanks,” Chris said before heading back to his brother’s side. “Hey, how’re you
feeling?”
“I’m not sure,” Brian replied softly. “What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter right now. We can talk about it later. I’m just so happy to
see you awake. You scared the hell out of me.”
“Sorry,” Brian whispered. “I’m so tired.”
“I know. Just lie there and rest. I’m going to call Zander and let him know that
you’re awake. Everyone’s been really worried about you.”
Brian was asleep before Chris even got his phone out of his pocket. His hands
were shaking as he dialed Zander’s number.
“Hey, Babe. Did you change your mind about wanting me there with you?” Zander
asked.
“He’s awake?” Chris said immediately.
“Oh thank God,” Zander replied. “How is he?”
“Tired, confused. He just drifted off to sleep, but he’s okay.”
“Alright, let me go tell Justin and we’ll be there soon. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Chris replied before putting away his phone. He sat down in
the chair and took Brian’s hand, allowing his tears to fall. But this time the
tears were happy tears. Brian was finally back with them.
*****
Zander stuffed his phone in his pocket and wiped away his tears before heading
upstairs. He couldn’t wait to share the good news and get to the hospital. He
knocked on Justin’s door and walked in without waiting for an answer. Both
Justin and Jason were sound asleep. As much as Zander hated waking them up,
there was no way he’d be able to wait downstairs while they slept.
He walked over to Justin and gently nudged his good arm. “Jus, wake up.”
“Hmmm…Zan?” Justin said sleepily.
“Come on, Jus. We have to go,” Zander replied.
“Go where?” Justin asked as he struggled to sit up.
“To the hospital. Brian woke up.”
“What?” Justin exclaimed. “He’s awake? Really? Oh my God, we have to get to the
hospital.”
“I know. That’s what I said. Now take it easy before you hurt yourself. You
still have a dislocated shoulder, remember?”
“Hey, what’s going on?” Jason asked from the roll-away bed that Stacey’s husband
dropped off earlier.
“Brian woke up. Get up. We have to get to the hospital,” Justin ordered.
Jason looked up and whispered a thank you to the man upstairs before jumping up
and grabbing his sneakers. He had no doubt that if he didn’t get ready
immediately, Zander and Justin would leave him behind. Within minutes, the three
of them were on their way to see for themselves that Brian was really okay and
that the nightmare of the last few days was finally over.
End of part 26
2/17/10