Now That You're Here
Chapter 13
Justin woke up to a soft knock on his door. He glanced at the clock and saw that
it was almost ten. He was surprised that he’d slept so late, considering he went
to bed pretty early the night before. When another knock came, he pushed himself
up and called out, “Come in.”
“Good morning sleepyhead,” Chris said as he entered the room. “I was beginning
to worry about you. I know you and Brian went to bed at the same time last night
and he was up over an hour before his alarm went off this morning.”
“I don’t know what happened. I fell asleep not long after my head hit the pillow
and I don’t remember a thing until you knocked,” Justin replied as he stretched.
“What’s up? Do you need me to do something?”
“No, I was just going to head to the mall and I thought you could come with me.
I figured we could pick you up that cell phone we promised.”
“You know, Chris, you guys don’t have to buy me a cell phone. I have some money
in the bank. I can buy my own,” Justin said.
“It’s not a big deal. The guy Zander got our plan through was gay and cruising
him relentlessly so we have something like a gazillion minutes between us, not
to mention free cell phone to cell phone. It’s only gonna cost us ten bucks a
month to add you on. So, go get ready. Since the morning’s almost over, I
figured you could wait a little bit longer to eat and then I’ll take you out to
lunch. It’s the least we can do since we get to sit home all day while Brian and
Zander work,” Chris teased.
“You’ll never hear me turn down free food,” Justin laughed. “Give me twenty
minutes and I’ll be ready.”
“Take your time. I’m in no rush. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
Justin jumped out of bed as soon as Chris was gone and got ready quickly. He
knew that although Chris worked out of the house most of the time, he still had
a lot of work to do. He didn’t want to keep him away from it. He was down in the
kitchen in fifteen minutes, ready to shop.
The mall was fairly crowded for a Monday, probably due to school being out. As
soon as they walked through the door, Chris led them to a cell phone stand in
the middle of the mall. As promised, twenty minutes later, Justin walked away
with a cell phone in his hand.
“Later tonight, we’ll make sure to program all of our numbers in your phone book
so you’ll know how to get hold of us,” Chris told him as he steered them towards
Applebee’s.
“Yeah, and then all I have to do is figure out how to access it if I need to,”
Justin replied as he gazed down at his phone.
“I’m pretty sure they’re all standard when it comes to the basic features.”
“I’m sure they are, but I’ve never had a cell phone before,” Justin told him.
“You’ve never had a cell phone?” Chris asked incredulously. “I thought all
teenagers had cell phones these days.”
“That’s what I tried to tell my mom, but she wouldn’t let me get one. She was
convinced that I would talk on it too much and end up with brain cancer. She
wasn’t much for modern technology,” Justin explained.
“Wait, wasn’t she a real estate agent? How’d she manage that without a cell
phone?”
“She had a separate line put into the house for business calls and between that
number and her office number, she managed. She hated computers, too. You don’t
know how long it took me to convince her to let me build her website. You
would’ve thought I suggested posting naked pictures of her the first time I
suggested it.”
“Wow, I’d be lost without modern technology. I guess it’s a family thing, but
even Zander, as computer illiterate as he is, knows the value of computers.”
“Yeah, he just wants someone else to do the work for him,” Justin smiled.
Chris laughed at that, knowing how right Justin was. By the time they got to the
restaurant, Justin was starving and blushed slightly when his stomach growled,
letting Chris know just how hungry he was. Since it was early, they were seated
quickly and Justin just about ripped the menu out of the hostess’s hand so that
he could get ready to order. Chris chuckled, but didn’t comment, instead looking
through his own menu so he’d be ready for their server. As soon as their order
was placed, Chris got down to the first reason for wanting to take Justin out.
“In all the excitement of the radio show, I forgot all about getting my story
ideas to you. I spoke with the guy who’s coordinating the deal and told him I
thought I had someone to do my art work. He’s anxious to see some preliminary
sketches. Are you still interested in drawing something up?”
“Are you kidding?” Justin laughed. “I’ve been dying to get to work, but since
you didn’t mention it I figured that you were either too busy to worry about the
book right now, or you changed your mind about wanting me to work on it.”
“Sorry about that. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t sure I wanted you on
the project. I’ll give you my rough draft when we get home, as long as you
remember it’s a rough draft and promise not to be too critical,” Chris joked.
“I promise to overlook any mistakes I might find,” Justin said with a smile.
“Good. Are you sure you’re going to have time to work on this? I know you
promised to build Zander’s website. I don’t want you to overdo it. We didn’t
bring you out here to work you to death.”
“Are you kidding? I have plenty of time. My mother used to have this enormous
amount of energy. She never seemed to be able to sit still. Ask Zander about it.
I’m sure he remembers. Anyway, it seems she passed it off on me. I’ve been bored
out of my mind since I got here. I already have all the basic designs for the
website ready for Zander’s final approval. Once he makes his decision, all
that’s left to do is purchase the site space and upload everything to the
server, and he’ll be up and running,” Justin told him. “In fact, I’ve been
thinking. I don’t think it would hurt for you to have a website, too. I’ve been
doing some research on it and a lot of authors have their own space so that
their readers can learn more about them. You could have a mailing list and send
out quarterly newsletters with updates on new books due to release and any
signings you might be having. It would also give them a place to send you
feedback. It would make it all more personal, and it wouldn’t be that hard to
set up. I could have it done in a few days.”
“You really are a go-getter, aren’t you?” Chris laughed at Justin’s enthusiasm.
“Yeah, I guess. But it also depends on what it is that I’m doing. Anything
related to art and computers, and I can’t get enough. So, is that a yes?”
“I’d tell you to give me a few days to think about it, but something tells me
that you already have some ideas ready to show me, don’t you?”
“Um…maybe?” Justin replied sheepishly.
Chris laughed so loud that everyone in the restaurant turned to look at them.
“Well, then I guess I don’t have a choice. I’ll take a look at your ideas when
you’re ready and we’ll go from there.”
“Cool,” Justin replied.
After the matter of the website was decided, the food came, Chris and Justin
talked about the upcoming trip while they ate. Justin was still hungry and
ordered dessert, while Chris chose to stick with coffee. As Justin dug into his
cheesecake, Chris decided to approach the second reason for wanting time with
Justin.
“Justin, you do know that if something is bothering you, you can always come to
either Zander or me, right? Even though we’re technically your guardians, we’re
not like real parents. You don’t have to be afraid to talk to us about
anything.” Chris watched Justin as he looked up quickly, seemingly embarrassed.
“I mean, I know you and Brian are becoming close, but sometimes getting a
perspective from someone older can help, too.”
“I know I can talk to you guys, but I’m fine. Really,” Justin replied weakly.
Chris looked at Justin skeptically. “So, you’re not having trouble settling in
or anything?”
“No, not at all. You guys have been really great,” Justin replied honestly.
“Are you missing Pittsburgh?”
“No. I mean, of course I miss my old life back there, but I was missing that
when I was still living with the Johnson’s. I think I’m actually doing better
out here, away from all the memories.”
“Good, I’m glad you like it here,” Chris said with a smile. “How are things with
you and Dane?”
Justin looked surprised by the question and fought to keep his face
expressionless when he answered. “We’re not really seeing each other anymore.”
“Oh, when did that happen?” Chris asked, noting the strained look on Justin’s
face. At least he now had an idea of what was bothering Justin the night before.
“Over the weekend. We kind of had a…disagreement over something. It’s no big
deal.”
“Are you sure it’s no big deal? You seemed to like him.”
“Chris, is there something you want to say?”
“Okay, look…Zander and I noticed that something was bothering you last night. We
were concerned so I figured I’d try talking to you about it. I guess I’m not
very subtle. Do you want to talk about it?”
Justin was about to say no, that he was fine with what happened, but he realized
that he wasn’t fine with it. He was still really upset about what happened with
Dane on Saturday night and even though he had talked it over with Brian, he
found he still had some unanswered questions. “Can I ask you a personal
question?” he finally asked.
“Sure, you can ask me anything,” Chris told him.
“How old were you when you had sex for the first time?” Justin asked quietly,
feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment.
Chris panicked momentarily. Although he wanted to be honest with Justin, he
wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for him to share his past with the kid. He
knew he should’ve let Zander handle things. Unfortunately it was too late to
turn back. Justin was looking back at him expectantly with those blue eyes of
his, and he couldn’t find it in himself to turn him away.
“I was fifteen and it was with my best friend Corey Miller. He lived right down
the street from us and we’d been friends since kindergarten. I knew I was
attracted to him somewhere around seventh grade, but of course I never said
anything to him about it. One day we were hanging out at his house. His parents
were gone for the day so we were all alone. He decided it would be cool to break
into his parents’ liquor cabinet. God knows how much we drank. And I really
don’t remember who made the first move, although Corey insisted that it was my
idea. Maybe it was. I’d been fantasizing about him long enough. It was
awkward…and painful. And then his parents came home early. Luckily we were
already dressed again, but there was no hiding the fact that we were drunk. His
father brought me home and told my old man what happened. I got the beating of
my life that day.” Chris chuckled at the memory, having long since gotten over
his past.
“What happened after that? I mean, with you and Corey?”
“Corey didn’t talk to me for about a week. He’d managed to convince his mother
to drive him to school to avoid the bus stop, and walked away every time he saw
me in the hallway between classes. He even refused to take my phone calls.
Eventually I managed to confront him in one of the bathrooms. He claimed that it
was the alcohol that started it all and insisted that he wasn’t gay.”
“What did you do?”
“What could I do? I was fifteen and scared to lose my best friend. I lied and
told him I hated it too, and we moved on from there. Our friendship was never
the same, though. When we graduated from high school, he went off to UCLA and I
never heard from him again. I heard somewhere that he got married right after
college and has four kids. Obviously he was telling the truth…or he’s so far in
the closet that he can’t find his way out. Either way, what happened between us
was a mistake made after too much drinking.”
“So, you don’t think it was right to have sex so young?”
“I wouldn’t necessarily say that. I don’t really know if age has anything to do
with it. It was stupid of us to do something so important after raiding the
liquor cabinet. It was probably also stupid of me to go after someone when I
knew I was gay and didn’t know if he was. He never once indicated that he had
any interest in the same sex. I’ve learned since that some guys just like to
experiment with their buddies and it doesn’t mean anything. I was destined to
have my heart broken in that situation.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” Justin replied thoughtfully.
“Justin, what’s going on?” Chris asked gently.
“I don’t know. Since I wasn’t out at home, except to my parents, I don’t have
any…um, experience with all of this. And Dane understood that. At least, I
thought he did. But then, on Saturday, he tried to push me into sex and…”
Justin’s voice trailed off.
“You weren’t ready for it.” Chris said. “And that’s okay. Look, Justin,
everybody is different. Some people feel that they need to have sex, whether
it’s because they think about it and want it all the time, or because they think
they have to give in to please their boyfriend or girlfriend. And sometimes it
even works out okay for them. But that doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. If
you don’t think you’re ready to take that step, then you probably aren’t.
There’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re sure. There’s no age limit on
when you have to have sex for the first time. Hell, there are still people out
there who want to wait until they’re married. It’s all up to you and how you
feel about it; but whatever you decide, make sure your decision is based on what
you want and not what some guy thinks you should give him.”
“And you really don’t think that there’s something wrong with me for refusing to
give into Dane?”
“Trust me, Justin. There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, in your case, I
think it’s understandable for you to be hesitant. Not only were you not out to
your friends back home, but you just went through a devastating loss. You’re
still trying to get past losing your parents, on top of settling into a new
place and learning how to be open about who you are. Give yourself time to
adjust to all the changes that have taken place. When you’re ready, you’ll
know,” Chris told him.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Justin sighed, although after talking to Chris, he
was feeling much better.
“Do me a favor and tell that to Brian. He refuses to admit it when I’m right,”
Chris laughed.
“If I let you in on a little secret, do you promise not to tell?” Justin asked
with a smirk.
“Your secret’s safe with me,” Chris promised.
“Brian may not admit to you that you’re right, but he knows it. All he ever
talks about is how great you and Zander are. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear
the two of you could part water or something,” Justin replied. “You did a really
good thing, taking him in when he needed you. It couldn’t have been easy having
a fourteen year old waltz in and turn your lives upside down, but somehow I know
that you didn’t give it a second thought.”
“You’re right, I didn’t. The only thing I ever really regretted when my parents
disowned me was losing touch with Brian. We may have a huge age difference
between us, but he’s the best brother a guy could ask for. From the moment my
mother brought him home from the hospital, I loved him dearly and spent as much
time as I could with him. I thought I’d die when they refused to let me see him.
I wasn’t even allowed to say goodbye to him. I hate what that bastard did to
him, but I’m glad that he’s with me again. As much as I love Zander, my life
wasn’t complete until Brian came back into it. The last three years have been
really good. I have a wonderful family that I’m really proud of, and our newest
addition is only going to make it that much better. I don’t know what your plans
are for after high school, but whether you go away to school or stick around
here, I want you to know that you always have a place to call home. We’re a
family, and family is forever.”
“Thanks Chris,” Justin said, wiping away a stray tear that slipped down his
face. He didn’t know what he did to deserve such loving support from practical
strangers, but he really was starting to feel like he was finally home.
End of part 13