Love Will Find a Way

Chapter 3

Over three weeks had passed since Justin had received the email from Brian and he was going crazy. He missed the older man terribly, thinking about him everyday and dreaming about him every night. Since it was the first day of the new semester, Justin had the day off from the diner even though he only had two classes. Making his way through the front door, he was happy to see that Debbie and Vic weren’t home. He really wanted to be alone for awhile. Everyone would probably think he was nuts since he and Brian had been apart all summer, but he was used to coming home to the loft after classes. Now that classes started again, it made him think of his time with Brian and miss him all the more. Just like every other day since he had received his reply from Brian, he went to the computer and checked his email. His heart started racing when he saw an email from Brian. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he slowly opened the email and read what Brian had to say.


To: jtaylor@pitts.net
From: bkinney@aol.com
Subject: First day of school
Date: September 4, 2002


Justin,

I knew that today was your first day of school, so I wanted to see how things went. Did you get all the classes you wanted? I know you were worried about that art history class last semester. How are things at Debbie’s? I know that she and Vic are happy to have you back. Things here are okay. My secretary is still afraid of me, and I still can’t get a decent cup of coffee, but business is good. I’ve finally finished getting my new loft in order. I think you would be surprised with my decorating choices. As I was picking out my furniture I kept remembering how you used to tease me and say that the loft looked as sterile as an operating room, so I decided to add some color to my life. I guess that’s just one more thing you managed to change in me. Well, I guess that’s all for now. Let me know if you need any additional money for school, and make sure you keep those grades up. I have to watch out for my investments. Later Sunshine.


Brian


Justin read the email over and over again, trying to read between the lines. It appeared that Brian was trying to be his friend and Justin couldn’t be happier. He took his time to think about what he would say in his reply. He wanted to handle this new situation with Brian very carefully so he didn’t scare him away. Finally, he decided to just plunge right in and say what came to mind. Once he finished typing he hit the send button and went to make dinner, wanting to do something nice for Debbie and Vic. He figured he’d take advantage of his good mood while it lasted. If he had to wait another three weeks to hear back from Brian, he knew the mood would be gone.

Brian came home after working another twelve hour day and all he wanted to do was go to bed. His life had certainly changed since he moved to LA. Other than the night he received the email from Justin saying he wanted to be friends, Brian hadn’t been with anyone since he moved. It was hard to think about tricking when his mind was always on a specific blond all the way on the other side of the states. He usually spent his nights alone in his bed thinking about Justin and wishing he was next to him. After taking a shower and heating up the leftover take out from the night before, he sat at his computer to check his email. He was excited to see a reply from Justin and went through the other’s, saving that one for last. About ten minutes later, he found himself staring at the words Justin had typed.


To: bkinney@aol.com
From: jtaylor@pitts.net
Subject: Re: First day of school
Date: September 4, 2002


Brian,


School is good. I got all the classes I wanted, including the art history I was trying to get. Things at Debbie’s are fine although you know how Debbie can be. It’s a good thing I don’t have a personal life. I’m glad to hear business is going good. Maybe you should give Cynthia a call and talk to her. You never know, maybe she would be willing to relocate? You said she always complains about how cold the winters are here. So you added some color to your life. That is something I’d like to see. So how is the night life in LA? I’m sure the tricks are hotter and harder than here in the Pitts. The other day, I decided to take a walk and ended up outside the loft. It was strange to be standing out front knowing that you don’t live there anymore. I guess I just always thought you would be here. I’m going to see Gus this weekend. I talked to Lindsay the other day and she invited me over for dinner. I hope you don’t mind that I’m keeping in touch with them. I guess I just miss the way things used to be. I’ll make sure to tell him his daddy loves him. Well, I guess that’s all for now. Take care of yourself, Brian. Later.


Justin


Brian sat back, thinking about what Justin had said. He missed the way things used to be? Did he mean hanging out with the gang or did he miss them? What they had? Well it didn’t matter anymore. Justin was there and he was here and everybody had to move on with their lives. He shut down the computer and went to bed, tossing the take out in the garbage along the way. He somehow lost his appetite.

Justin was sitting on the floor, playing with Gus after dinner when Lindsay decided to mention Brian. She could see a deep sadness in Justin’s eyes and knew he was missing Brian.

“So, Justin, how is school going?” She started.

“It’s okay so far, although the first week is always the easiest. I think I’m really going to like my classes.” Justin replied as he blew raspberries on Gus’s belly.

“That’s great. Have you heard from Brian?” She asked tentatively.

“Real subtle, Linds. Why would Brian contact Justin. He’s only called his son once since he left and you know Michael hardly ever hears from him.” Melanie said as she walked into the room.

“Well, I just thought that…” Lindsay tried to explain herself but was interrupted by Justin.

“Actually, I have received a couple of emails from him.” Justin said without looking up from the baby.

“You have?” The women said in unison.

“Yeah. I sent him a thank you for paying my tuition and he replied, telling me about LA. Then he emailed me the other day to see how my first day of school was.” Justin explained, looking up at their shocked expressions.

“He did?” They once again spoke their thoughts together.

“Yeah. We decided to be friends…kind of.” Justin admitted, going back to playing with Gus.

“Well, that’s good. I’m glad you two could stay friends after everything that happened.” Lindsay said, seeing a scowl cross Melanie’s face. She quickly wondered if the other woman would ever get past the anger and resentment she held for their son’s father.

“You mean after I left him for someone else?” Justin snapped.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Justin. I’m not judging you. You did what you had to do. No one blames you for leaving.” Lindsay knew how hard it was for Justin to stay with Brian as long as he did, and as much as she hated to see Brian hurt, she couldn’t blame Justin for going after what he wanted.

“No one has to blame me. I blame myself. I never should have walked out on Brian after all he did for me. I knew who he was from the beginning and I never should have expected anything more. I messed up and now he’s gone. I better get going. I have to work the early shift tomorrow.” Justin picked up Gus and said goodbye, being sure to whisper into the boys ear that his daddy loved him, just like he said he would, and then handed him to his mother before heading to the door.

Lindsay handed the baby to Mel and followed Justin out. She wanted to make sure he was okay. “Justin, it really isn’t your fault. How much were you supposed to take from him? He never made it easy for you.”

“That’s where you are wrong, Lindsay. He made it very easy for me to love him. I was the one who set the rules, and then I was the one to break them. I guess I wanted him to declare his love for me. I should have been happy with what I had, because it was more than he ever gave anyone else. Now it’s too late and I have to live with that. So I go to work and I go to school and my days pass by, but nothing matters anymore. I lost the one person who ever really mattered to me, and I have no one to blame but myself. Thanks for dinner and for letting me see Gus.” Justin said, kissing her cheek and walking away without giving her time to reply. There was nothing she could say that he wanted to hear.

Lindsay watched Justin walk away and could not help the tear that fell at the pain she knew Justin was feeling. She said a silent prayer that her two favorite men would find a way back to each other.


Two weeks later…

It had been a really long week and all Brian wanted to do was lock himself in his loft and shut out the world for the weekend. As he pulled into his parking spot he heard his cell phone ring and sighed when he saw it was Mikey.

“Hey, Mikey, what’s up?” He said with disinterest.

“Brian! Where have you been? I’ve been leaving messages for you all week.” He whined into the phone.

“I’ve been busy, Mikey. I’ve just started a new job and I have to prove that I’m worth the huge salary they are paying me. In fact, I am just getting ready to go to a meeting so I can’t talk right now. I’ll give you a call in a couple of days.” Brian lied, unable to listen to the man’s whining at the moment.

“But, Brian!” Michael couldn’t believe he was being blown off again.

“Bye, Mikey.” Brian shut off his phone, shutting out the world.

He made his way into the loft and walked directly to the bottle of beam he kept for special occasions. He really hadn’t been drinking since moving to LA, but after the week he had, he felt it was justified. Two hours and a half of bottle later, he sat on the couch with the phone in his hand. It was a little after nine, which meant it was after midnight in Pittsburgh. Justin was probably sleeping. He knew he shouldn’t call him after all he had to drink, but he just needed to hear the blonde’s voice.

“Hello?” Justin answered in a sleep filled voice.

Brian couldn’t say anything, too lost in the sound of Justin’s voice.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” Justin asked, glancing at the clock. He was sound asleep when the phone rang and was trying to pull himself together.

“Justin.” Brian said in a soft voice.

“Brian? Is that you?” He was immediately awake, his heart racing at hearing his former lover’s voice.

“It’s me, Sunshine.” Brian replied with a slight slur.

“What’s wrong? Is everything alright?” Justin began to panic.

“Everything is fine. I’m sorry to call so late. It’s only 9:00 here.” Brian explained, noticing the worry in Justin’s voice.

“Oh, it’s okay. I guess I panicked when I heard your voice. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you. I was sleeping and usually those middle of the night calls are bad news.” Justin said, settling back down in bed.

“Sorry I woke you. I’ll let you go back to sleep.” Brian said, not wanting to say goodbye.

“No, it’s alright. I’m up now anyway. What are you doing home? It's a Friday night. I would have thought that you'd be out cruising the bars." Justin wasn't sure what made Brian call him out of the blue, but he was happy to hear his voice after so long.

"I don't do that anymore, Sunshine." Brian slurred, taking another swig from his bottle.

"What do you mean, you don't do that anymore? Brian, are you drunk? What's wrong?" Justin was starting to worry. Brian didn't sound himself and it was obvious that he had too much to drink. Now that Justin was fully awake, he could hear a sadness in the man's voice.

"Yeah, I think I had to much to beam. I guess I can't drink like I used to." Brian chuckled, trying to remember why he called Justin to begin with. What was it that he wanted to say?

"Brian, maybe you should go lie down for awhile. Are you alone?" Justin asked, not really sure if he wanted to hear the answer. He wasn't dumb enough to believe that Brian wasn't sleeping around. He just didn't really want conformation.

"Yes, I'm alone. I'm always alone. Everyone I love is in Pittsburgh and I am alone." Brian replied, feeling the emptiness of the loft engulf him.

"Brian, what's really going on? You don't sound yourself tonight. Should I call Michael? Maybe talking to him would help you?" Justin wasn't sure what was going on, but he didn't like to think of Brian being all the way across the US by himself. "Maybe he could fly out and visit you for a few days?"

"I don't want Mikey. You know what? Forget I called. I think I'll take your advice and go to bed." Brian said, realizing that he couldn't explain why he wanted to talk to Justin without admitting things he didn't want to admit to himself, let alone to anyone else.

"Wait, Brian. I'm just trying to help. Talk to me, tell me what's bothering you." Justin insisted softly, wanting to get Brian to open up to him.

"Not tonight, Sunshine. Maybe one day, but not tonight. I'll be fine so go back to sleep and forget I called. Later." Brian replied, before disconnecting the call. He put down the bottle and staggered to his bed. Once he was settled, he drifted off to sleep thinking about Justin.

Justin sat there for a few minutes staring at the phone. He was confused by Brian’s drunken ramblings and wished there was something he could do. He didn’t seem like the happy carefree man that Justin had met a couple of years before and he was starting to really worry. Could Brian possibly be regretting his move to LA? Justin wasn’t sure, but he vowed to find out. He finally drifted off to sleep, his mind filled with images of him and Brian in happier times.


End of Part 3
10/15/03

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