Love Will Find a Way

Chapter 1

Justin sat on the broken down couch that he helped Ethan rescue from the trash and contemplated his life. He didn’t know what to do next. A week had passed since he walked away from Brian at the Rage party and now he didn’t even have a job, let alone a safe place to live. He knew he shouldn’t have let Michael run him away from the diner, but he figured that seeing Brian there all the time wouldn’t be a good thing anyway. Hearing Ethan come home caused him to push aside his thoughts and focus on the present.

“Hey. Are you ready to go celebrate? I won the competition! We are going to Paris!” Ethan exclaimed as he lifted Justin up and twirled him around just like in a romantic movie.

“That’s great, Ethan, but what do you mean we?” Justin asked as soon as he was down on his feet again.

“I mean we…as in you and me! The trip is for two. I get to take anyone I want with me. It’s perfect. You need to get away for awhile and I will have my muse with me in the most romantic city in the world. What do you say?” Ethan asked, hoping to persuade his new boyfriend to go with him. He knew how hard the break up was for Justin and wanted to make everything all better for him.

“I don’t know Ethan. I can’t just pick up and leave on a whim.” Justin replied, trying to come up with an excuse to stay. For some reason, the thought of being so far away from Brian made him sad.

“Yes, you can. You don’t have a job at the moment and school is over for the summer. We will have a blast. Come on, Justin, let me do this for you. It will only be for three weeks and think of all the art museums they have in Paris. You will absolutely love it. We leave on Friday.” Ethan said, noticing the reluctance in Justin.

“Friday? That’s only two days away. I better call my mother and have her pull out my passport right away.” Justin replied, deciding to put his problems behind him for now and take the opportunity to see Paris at someone else’s expense. His problems would still be there waiting for him when he got back.

“I’ll take that as a yes! I am so happy that you are going with me. I think this is just what we need to move forward together. Thank you for sharing this with me.” Ethan said as he kissed Justin softly. Now all he had to do was hope that three weeks away was enough to get Kinney out of the boy’s thoughts.

Justin watched Ethan walk away and was once again overcome with regrets. He regretted not being able to love Ethan the way he deserved to be loved, he regretted quitting his job without at least talking to Debbie, but most of all, he regretted walking away from Brian. Maybe being in Paris will help him put aside all the regrets and begin his new life. The one without Brian Kinney. He walked over to the phone and called his mother. He needed to get packing if they were leaving in two days.

Brian looked around the loft one more time to make sure that he didn’t forget anything. It had been one week since Justin had left him for the fiddler and Brian knew immediately that he wouldn’t be staying in Pittsburgh any longer. It’s not like he couldn’t stay, but what was the point? He had nothing to hold him there. When he tried for the position in New York the year before, things were different. He wanted the job, but he knew that leaving Justin behind would be hard so once he lost the opportunity he never looked elsewhere again. The day after the party, Brian called in a few favors and was on his way to LA and to his new job as Junior Partner at Philmore Advertising. His flight left in the morning and he hadn’t told anyone of his plans except for Lindsey. He needed to know that she was willing to work out a visitation schedule for Gus since he had no plans to push away his son just because he was moving across the states.

Once he was satisfied that everything he needed was packed up and on it’s way to LA he shut the door behind him and walked away. He sublet the loft to a nice couple who were taking possession in the morning and he was spending his last night at home in a hotel. As he headed towards his hotel, Brian had a moment’s doubt that he was doing the right thing, but pushed the doubts aside and reached for his cell phone. He knew he needed to call Mikey and tell him of his plans but had been dreading the call all week. A part of him wished that no one answered the phone, but as luck would have it, the object of his thoughts answered on the second ring.

“Hello?” Mikey answered, sounding out of breath.

“Hey Mikey. You busy?” Brian asked, wondering once again if he should have planned a face to face for this news.

“Brian! I was just heading out to Babylon to meet the guys. Are you coming? We haven’t seen you all week.” Mikey pointed out, worried about his friend since Justin had walked out on him in front of all of Liberty Avenue.

“Sorry Mikey. I have a plane to catch in the morning. That’s actually why I’m calling you. I have been meaning to talk to you all week, but I’ve been busy packing.” Brian said, hoping that Mikey would get the hint. He knew he was taking the coward’s way out but didn’t have time to worry about that.

“Packing? Are you going away? When will you be back?” Mikey asked, hating all the traveling Brian had to do for work since Vance had taken over.

“I’m not coming back Mikey, except for the occasional visit. I’m moving to LA.” He said, holding his breath for the tantrum to start. He wasn’t disappointed.

“YOUR WHAT? What the hell do you mean, your moving? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me? Were you planning on leaving without saying goodbye?” Mikey yelled, unable to control his anger. His best friend was moving across the country in the morning and he knew nothing about it.

“Hey, slow down. One question at a time please. I was offered a job in a really prestigious agency last week. I have been busy packing so I haven’t had time to call you and I am saying goodbye now. Did that answer all of your questions?” Brian laughed, trying to break the tension he felt through the phone.

“No, you asshole. I have one more question for you. Does this have anything to do with Justin?” Mikey asked, already knowing the answer even thought Brian would never admit it.

“No, this has nothing to do with Justin. I got an offer I couldn’t refuse. You know I’ve been trying to get out of the Pitts for awhile now. The opportunity presented itself and I grabbed it. Look Mikey, don’t be mad at me. You are always going to be my best friend no matter where I live. As soon as I get settled into my new place you can come and visit. It will be great.” Brian said, trying to smooth things over. He felt bad about keeping everything a secret, but he needed time to get himself together and didn’t need Mikey whining to him everyday.

“But Brian…what am I going to do without you here with me?” Mikey whined, missing his best friend already.

“You’ll be fine, Mikey. I’ll just be a phone call or email away. Listen, I have to do this now, before I am too old to start over. Please be happy for me. I have to go now. I have to check into the airport hotel. My flight is leaving at 5:00 am and I need to be there early. I’ll call you with my new number once I am all set up, okay?” Brian asked, needing to put distance between them.

“Okay, but if I don’t hear from you soon, I’ll be on a plane faster then you can say Captain Astro, understand? I love you, Brian.” Mikey replied as his voice broke with emotion.

“Me too. Always have, always will. Later, Mikey.” Brian said as he disconnected the call, trying to get his emotions under control. He knew it wouldn’t be easy leaving everyone behind, but it was something he had to do. It was time to put his past behind him and move on and that was just what he was going to do. His future was waiting for him and he was going to make the most of it.

 

Two weeks later…

Justin was happy to be home. He cut his trip short after he and Ethan realized that they didn’t have a future together. It wasn’t an easy decision considering Justin did have feelings for the violinist, but it was definitely for the best. They both knew that Justin didn’t love Ethan the way he still loved Brian and it wasn’t fair to stay together under those circumstances. Ethan had been really sweet about everything, agreeing to let Justin go back to his apartment a week early to give him time to find a place and move out. The first thing on his agenda was going to talk to Debbie about getting his old job back and possibly his old room, too. He left his luggage and made his way to Debbie and Vic’s, hoping to catch one of them at home. Once he reached the house, he knocked on the door and said a silent prayer that someone was home. He was relieved when Debbie opened the door.

“Sunshine!” Debbie exclaimed and she pulled the boy in for a big hug.

“Hi Deb.” Justin replied, trying to breath through the strangling hug.

“Get your bubble butt in here and explain to me why you didn’t even say goodbye when you quit the diner. I was so upset when Kiki said that you quit without notice, choosing to just walk away at the end of your shift.” Debbie explained as she led Justin to the kitchen table. She had missed the kid in the last few weeks and wanted to find out what he had been up to lately.

“I am really sorry, Deb. It was just so awkward after what happened with Brian and me. I didn’t want to have to run into him at work everyday. I should have talked to you, but I took the easy way out. I came here to apologize and see if maybe I could get my old job back. I will just deal with Brian day by day. I don’t want to hide anymore.” Justin explained, hoping Debbie could forgive him and take him back.

“Of course, you can come back, Sunshine. You were the best employee I’ve ever had and you don’t have to worry about hiding anymore. Brian moved to LA a few weeks ago so you don’t have to worry about him giving you a hard time. You and Ethan can live your life without having to face Brian Kinney and his wrath.” Debbie replied, figuring that was what Justin was worried about.

“He moved to LA?” Justin asked, dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe that Brian would actually move away from his friends and son like that and couldn’t find his voice to say anything else.

“Yeah. He got a great job offer out there and left about two weeks ago. We were all surprised, but it seems to be what he was looking for. I got an email from him this morning and he seems really happy out there, but enough about him. How are things with you and Ethan? What have you been up to the last few weeks?” Debbie asked, wanting to know all about his new romance. As much as she loved Brian, she knew that he wasn’t able to give Justin what he needed and hoped that the kid could find happiness with his new boyfriend.

Justin was overcome with emotion and broke down sobbing at the thought of Brian living so far away. If he was honest with himself he would have to admit that he had hopes of working things out with Brian and eventually being back in the loft, where he belonged. Now all those hopes were gone and Justin was left with nothing but emptiness. He felt Debbie take him in her arms and sobbed softly for his loss. After a few minutes, he pulled himself together and looked Debbie in the eyes as he spoke.

“Oh Debbie, I fucked up. I never should have left Brian for Ethan. I don’t love Ethan, just his words. Brian showed me he loved me everyday, I just stopped seeing it for awhile. Now it’s too late. I have no money, no place to live, and no Brian. Ethan and I broke up. I have a week to find a place to live and get my stuff out of his apartment. What am I going to do?” Justin cried, feeling the pain of losing Brian tear at his heart.

“Well, the first thing you are going to do is move back in with Vic and me. You have your job back so you don’t have to worry about that. As for Mr. Kinney, all I can say is time heals all wounds. Give yourself some time to grieve and things will get better. Maybe one day you two will find your way back to each other. I have always believed in soul mates, Justin. Not everybody ends up with theirs, but I do believe you two belong together. Maybe, in time you will find a way to be together and be happy. Until then, you need to move on with your life and make yourself happy. No one can do that but you.” Debbie said as she hugged Justin tight once again. She felt so bad for the kid, knowing how much he loved Brian and not being able to be with him. She would bet her house that Justin was the reason Brian picked up and moved away in the first place. She would just have to find a subtle way to let Brian know that his Sunshine was back and see what happens.

“I hope you’re right, Deb. Thanks for giving me my old room back. I was beginning to wonder if I would be living on the streets by the end of the week. Again, I am sorry for walking out on you like that. I promise to make it up to you.” Justin promised as he got up to leave. He wanted to pack up his things and get out of the dingy apartment as soon as he could. It was time for him to start his new life and he wanted a clean break.

“It’s okay, Justin. I understand. You can bring your stuff by as soon as you get it all packed up. I will go get your room ready for you. Oh, and I expect you to be at work at 8:00 am tomorrow. Don’t be late!” Debbie joked, happy to have her Sunshine back in her home. She had missed him since he moved out and knew that Vic did too.

“Thanks Deb. I’ll pack my stuff up tonight and move in tomorrow after work. See you in the morning.” Justin called out as he walked out of the house, needing time alone with his thoughts. Brian was living in LA now. Justin had lost him for good and all he wanted to do was go back to Ethan’s and cry his eyes out at the pain he felt deep inside. He wasn’t sure how he was going to live without the man he loved, but hoped that in time things will get easier.

Debbie watched Justin walk away and went to her computer immediately to reread the email she got from Brian. She hadn’t replied yet so she needed to find a way to work Justin into the email she would send back.

To: pflagmom@pitts.net
From: bkinney@aol.com
Subject: Hello!
Date: July 1, 2002


Debbie,

Hey Deb. How are things going back in the Pitts? How is Vic doing? I just got settled here in sunny LA. I have a loft in a great neighborhood and started work today. My office is twice as big as the one at Vanguard with a fabulous view. I think I’m going to like it here. How is everyone? Is Mikey still mad at me for leaving? I haven’t talked to him yet, just sent a few emails to let him know what I’ve been doing. You understand why I left, don’t you Deb? I had nothing left for me there. I needed a clean break and I am sure you know exactly what I mean by that. You always did know me better then I knew myself. Well, say hello to everyone for me. I will be in touch soon. Take care.

Brian


As Debbie reread the email, she couldn’t help but smile at the way Brian tried to explain what he did without coming out and saying anything directly. She knew she needed to let the man know Justin was back. She only hoped that Brian would do the right thing and try to contact Justin to work things out. She hoped that one day her boys would find their way back to each other, before it was too late. Taking her time to think about what she was going to say, Debbie typed up her reply, pushing aside her guilty feelings at interfering in their lives.

Debbie sent off the email before she had second thoughts about sharing Justin’s news with Brian. She couldn’t help but feel that he needed to know about Justin before he made any more rash decisions. She shut down the computer and made her way upstairs to get things ready for Justin. She was happy to have him back in her life and planned on doing whatever it took to bring back his sunshine smile.

Brian walked into his loft and tossed his briefcase on the couch as he made his way over to his computer. He couldn’t believe how lonely he had become since moving away from his family. He was never one to mind being alone before, but being so far away was making him homesick. As soon as he opened his mail, he saw his reply from Debbie and was happy to know that she bothered to write back so quickly. He opened it up and was shocked by what he read.

To: bkinney@aol.com
From: pflagmom@pitts.net
Subject: Re: Hello!
Date: July 1, 2002


Brian,

I am so glad to hear that things are going good for you. Everyone here is fine. Vic is doing great and now that Justin is moving back in, I won’t have to worry about him as much. I knew his romance with Ethan wouldn’t last. Anyway, I think Michael is still hurt that you didn’t share your plans with him, but don’t worry, he will get over it. I hope things go well for you at your new job and that it will be everything you are looking for. If not, remember you always have a place here in the Pitts. Take care of yourself and I will always be here if you need me. I love you kiddo! Talk to you soon.


Love,
Debbie


Justin was moving back in with Vic and Deb? He couldn’t believe that his romance with the fiddler was over already. His feelings of homesickness were doubled by the knowledge that had he waited things out for awhile, he would still be back in the Pitts near his Sunshine. Shaking those thoughts away, Brian walked away from his computer and sat on the couch. His motto had always been no regrets and he refused to allow himself to regret his decision to move away. Justin would find another twink his own age and live happily ever after and Brian would work his ass off and finally open his own agency. He was sure that this was the best move for everyone, but if it was for the best, why did he feel like his heart was in a million pieces.


End of part 1
9/10/03
 

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