Letting Go

Chapter 4

Justin woke up early the next morning and jumped into the shower, ready to go out apartment hunting. He had enough money left out of Trevor’s life insurance policy to carry him over in his own place until the sale of the house went through. As much as he loved his mother, the thought of living with her again didn’t sound too pleasant. They talked for hours the night before as she told him all about what she thought he should do next and in the future. It just reaffirmed his feelings on moving as soon as possible. Once he was dressed, he made his way downstairs only to find his mother getting ready to walk out the door.

“Morning honey, did you sleep well?” she asked as she grabbed her coat.

“Yeah, I didn’t realize how tired I was. You’re working today?” Justin had been hoping to take her car for the day.

“I’ve got three houses to show. I wish I had the time to spend the day with you, but the appointments have been set up for days now. I’m not sure when I’ll be home. My last appointment isn’t until six.” Jennifer replied while searching her purse for her keys. “Molly’s already left for school so you’ll have the house to yourself today. Why don’t you try to get some more rest? You don’t look so good.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Oh, you know what I mean,” Jennifer laughed at the indignant look she was getting. “I’ve got to run. See you tonight.”

Justin waited until his mother was gone before flopping down on the couch. He really wanted to get started on his search, but he didn’t think taking the bus would be productive. He quickly thought about Brian’s offer to help, but doubted the man would let him drive his precious jeep, so he resigned himself to spending the day alone in his mother’s townhouse, bored out of his mind. As he reached for the remote, ready to try and channel surf his boredom away, the phone rang. He thought about ignoring it; it was probably someone for his mother anyway, but gave in at the last minute and went in search of the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Hey”

“Brian, what’s up? I thought you’d be on your way to the office by now,” Justin replied, smiling at the sound of the older man’s voice.

“I’m actually on my way out of the loft now. I figured I’d give you a call and see if you were all settled in at Mommy’s?”

“I guess. Molly’s at school and my mom had to go to work so I’m here by myself,” Justin replied.

“Well at least you don’t have two females hovering over you. That’s always a good thing,” Brian teased.

“Yeah, but I was kind of hoping to use my mom’s car today. I want to start looking for an apartment right away. I mean, Mom’s being really good and all, but…”

“Say no more,” Brian laughed. “Look, I’m getting into the jeep now. I’ll pick you up in about fifteen minutes and you can drop me at the office and use the jeep for the day.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Justin asked excitedly.

“It’s not like I’m going to be using it. I have a shit load of work to catch up on. I’ll be lucky if I have enough time to go to piss. All you have to do is pick me up at seven,” Brian assured him as he pulled out on the road. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Great, thanks Brian.”

Justin hung up the phone and ran upstairs, a light bounce in his step. Aside from wanting to find a place of his own, he really wasn’t looking forward to spending the entire day alone with his thoughts. The pain of losing Trevor wasn’t nearly as bad when he had something to occupy his mind.

Fifteen minutes later Justin was greeting Brian with a smile as he climbed inside the jeep.

“You’re looking better. Did you get much sleep last night?” Brian asked. It was a habit he got used to in LA.

“Am I? Cause my mother basically told me this morning that I look like shit,” Justin laughed. “I actually slept a whole five hours. It felt great.”

“Even on your worst day you couldn’t look like shit,” Brian replied softly before changing the subject. “So where do you plan on looking?”

Justin ignored the fluttery feeling he got from Brian’s words. “I circled a few places in the classifieds, but I haven’t narrowed down anywhere in particular yet. I’ve been gone a long time and Pittsburgh feels a little foreign to me right now. I was going to ask my mother for help, but I really want to do this on my own. Besides, she made it perfectly clear last night that she wants me to stay with her for awhile. I want to wait until I find something before telling her. It’s easier that way.”

“That’s understandable. Just be careful when you’re looking. Think about what kind of neighborhood you’d be living in. I don’t want to have to worry about you walking out the front door.”

“Yes Dad,” Justin teased.

“Twat,” Brian grumbled, a small smile showing that he wasn’t offended. He was enjoying the easy camaraderie between them.

As soon as Justin dropped Brian off, he headed in the direction of the first place on his list, smiling the entire way. He always loved being with Brian while they were together, but the friendship they were building warmed his heart. It was just such a shame that it took Trevor’s death to reconnect them again. Even though their affair, or whatever it was called, ended years before, he would’ve liked to have been in contact with Brian through the years instead of hearing about his life through others.

*********

Brian had a for shit day and by the time he walked out the front doors of Kinnetik at seven o’clock to meet Justin, his head throbbed and his steps were sluggish. He saw Justin go to get out and give up the driver’s seat but gestured for him to stay put and climbed into the passenger’s seat.

“I hope you don’t mind driving, but I’m too tired to drive anymore than I have to,” Brian explained when he saw the confused look on Justin’s face.

“Bad day?” Justin asked as he signaled and pulled out into traffic.

“You have no idea. My absence left a lot of work unfinished and I haven’t even begun to go through all the paperwork that piled up.”

“I’m sorry, Brian. I shouldn’t have dragged you away from work. Or at least not for as long as I did. You’ve got a company to run,” Justin replied guiltily.

“Don’t apologize. My bad work day doesn’t begin to compare to what you’ve been through. I was happy that I could help.”

“Well at least let me help you for once. How about if we go back to the loft and order in dinner? My treat. Once we’re finished I’ll catch a cab back to my mom’s so you don’t have to go out again,” Justin offered.

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“I know. I want to. After all, I’m the reason you’re so behind at work,” Justin pointed out.

“Justin.”

“I know, I know, you were happy to help. Blah, blah, blah. Now are you going to let me do this or are you going to be an asshole about it?” Justin asked with humor in his eyes.

“I’m too tired to be an asshole, so I guess its dinner at the loft,” Brian sighed in submission.

“That’s more like it,” Justin smiled with a gleam in his eyes.

As soon as they got back to the loft, Justin walked over to the drawer where Brian always kept the take out menus, feeling very at home; it was almost as if he never left. Brian noticed it, but decided not to make a comment that would have them rehashing their past.

“Why don’t you go take a shower and change into something comfortable while I order dinner? You look exhausted.”

“I think I will. And…uh… thanks. I really wasn’t up to coming home and cooking myself dinner,” Brian said as he headed towards the bedroom.

“Uh…Brian? Since when do you cook?” Justin asked curiously.

“At lot of things have change since you’ve been gone, Justin. I do a lot of things now that I’ve never done before.”

Justin was left to stand there and watch Brian’s retreating form, wondering what other changes Brian went through. He shook off the thought as he went to the phone and ordered dinner to be delivered. Once he hung up, he took a closer look around the room. The furniture seemed to be the same white leather from years before, but now it was accented with a wide array of colored throw pillows that made the room look more inviting. He also noticed what appeared to be a hand crafted toy chest in the corner. Apparently Gus was an important visitor these days. Curiosity got the better of him and soon Justin found himself in the kitchen. He looked back to make sure he was still alone before opening the refrigerator and peering inside.

He was shocked by what he saw. The box that used to hold nothing but guava juice, water, beer, poppers, and half empty take out containers now help a variety of fruits, vegetables, not to mention milk, eggs and a few other essentials. The freezer was also packed, holding meats and fish, as well as bags of frozen vegetables. Apparently Brian wasn’t kidding when he said he was cooking. Brian’s presence behind him startled the blond and he closed the refrigerator door quickly, feeling the blush of guilt warm his face.

“Didn’t believe me? You should check out the cabinets. They’re loaded with food, too,” Brian said with humor.

“I…uh…I was looking for something for us to drink,” Justin replied shyly.

“Yeah, sure. It’s okay, sometimes it still amazes me, too,” Brian laughed.

Justin eased at Brian’s laughter. “So what made you start cooking for yourself? You used to say what was the point when you could pay someone else to do it.”

“Well, I figured that since I was getting older…more mature, it was time for me to start acting like it. Don’t get me wrong, I still go out fucking till all hours of the night. I just have a little more down time now,” Brian explained.

“I guess that makes sense.” Learning about this new Brian saddened Justin a bit knowing all he missed, but he was also intrigued by the person that stood before him.

Dinner was delivered and they sat on the floor at the coffee table eating and talking about Justin’s day and the places he found. He narrowed the search down to two and planned on making a decision by the end of the week. Eventually the food was gone and Justin could see how tired Brian was, although he was trying to hide it.

“Here, let me clean this up and then I’ll get going. You need your rest,” Justin said as he rose and started clearing the table.

“You don’t have to do that. You paid. I should clean.”

“It’s no big deal. It’s not like I did much of anything today,” Justin laughed.

“Okay, then I’ll call you a cab.” Brian went to the phone and called one of the nicer local cab companies and was promised they’d be there in fifteen minutes. Once he hung up, he sat back down on the couch and waited for Justin to finish. He really was tired and as much as he enjoyed Justin’s company, he couldn’t wait to get to bed. He refused to think about how much he wished Justin was going to bed with him. He must have dozed off because he was immediately startled awake by the sound of the loft door closing. He jumped up and ran to the door, throwing it open, but Justin was no where to be seen. Closing it a little more harshly than he planned, Brian walked into the bedroom and smiled when he saw a note lying on Justin’s side of the bed. Shit, it’d been four years and he still thought of it as Justin’s side. He shook off his thoughts, a maneuver he’d been doing a lot recently and grabbed the note off the bed.

Brian,

You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn’t want to wake you. Thanks for dinner. Yes, I know I paid. I wasn’t thanking you for the food, only the company. After being gone for so long, it’s nice to come home and still have my friends. We are friends, right? We never really were before. It’s kind of nice.

Justin

Brian smiled at Justin’s words. Yeah, it was nice.

*********

By Friday Justin not only had possession of a key to his new apartment, but he also had his own transportation. He went out on Wednesday and bought a second-hand car. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was well kept by its previous owner and just what he needed to get around town. Unlike Brian, who put a lot of thought and money into his jeep fetish, Justin was content to have something that took him where he needed to go. He was so excited to have gotten everything settled within the first week of his arrival that he wanted to share it with someone. As he pulled up outside Kinnetik he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. He still couldn’t believe that Brian had bought the old bathhouse to open his company, but sure enough when he dropped him off at work on Monday morning, he saw it with his own eyes. Now he was anxious to see what the inside looked like. Justin walked in the door and went straight to the reception desk.

“Welcome to Kinnetik. How can I help you?” the cheerful woman behind the desk greeted him with a smile.

“I was wondering if Brian was available.”

“I’m sorry sir; Mr. Kinney just stepped out for a moment. Is there anything I can help you with?”

“No, that’s okay,” Justin sighed. “I should’ve called first. Could you just tell him that Justin stopped by?”

Before the receptionist could respond, Cynthia came out of the nearest office with a file in her hand. “Maggie, I need you to fax these to Brown as soon as possible.”

“Cynthia?” Justin said, wondering if the blond would even remember him. He’d met her a couple of times when she was dropping work off at the loft, but that had been years ago.

“Justin!” Cynthia exclaimed as she made her way around the desk and took him into a fierce hug. “It’s good to see you again. You look great.”

“Thanks Cynthia, so do you,” Justin replied with his brightest smile. “I wasn’t sure if you’d remember me. It’s been a long time.”

“Of course I remember you. I always make it a habit of knowing the people who are important to Brian. That way I know whose calls to put through,” Cynthia laughed. “Brian told me what happened. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks. It’s been a rough year, but I’m starting to pull it together now.”

“I’m assuming you’re here to see Brian.”

“Yeah, but he’s not here. That’s okay, I’ll just talk to him later,” Justin said.

“I’m sure he won’t be gone long. Why don’t I give you a tour of our illustrious establishment? Maybe by the time we’re finished, he’ll be back,” Cynthia suggested.

“I don’t want to keep you from anything,” Justin replied.

“Nonsense, I have plenty of time for a tour,” Cynthia said before turning back to Maggie. “When Brian gets back, tell him I’m with Justin.”

“Sure thing, Cynthia.”

Brian walked back into Kinnetik with a scowl on his face. It had been a long week at the office and he was tired from working 15 hour days to try to catch up. He was just coming back from Starbucks after having taken a short break from work, something he rarely needed to do.

“Maggie, any calls while I was gone?” he asked as he approached the desk.

“No, but someone named Justin is here to see you. He’s with Cynthia,” she replied hesitantly. She hated when her boss was in a bad mood. He could be really scary when he wanted to be.

“Justin’s here?” Brian said as his scowl was suddenly replaced with a small smile. “Uh…thanks Maggie.”

Brian walked down the hallway to Cynthia’s office and peeked inside, seeing Justin and his assistant deep in conversation.

“Stalking me again, Sunshine?” He teased as he walked in the room.

“Not likely,” Justin joked back.

“Brian, are you feeling a little better now?” Cynthia asked with concern. She hated seeing how stressed Brian had been all week.

“Yeah, I went out and kicked a couple of puppies. I feel much better now. Have you shown Justin around?”

“I gave him the grand tour, except for your office of course. I figured you could show him that,” Cynthia replied.

“Well come on then,” Brian said to Justin. “I’ll show you where all the really good ideas are born.”

Justin groaned at Brian’s comment and flashed Cynthia a smile before following Brian out of her office. When he walked through the door leading to Brian’s office he gasped in surprise. “Wow Brian, this is beautiful. I’d love to work in an office this size.”

“It does the job,” Brian replied with a smirk. “So, to what do I owe this unexpected visit?”

“I hope you don’t mind my stopping by. I was just so excited and I wanted to share my news with someone.”

“Of course I don’t mind. You can stop by anytime. Now what’s this news that’s got you so excited?”

Justin reached out his hand and showed Brian two keys. “One’s to my car and one’s to my new apartment,” he explained. “I move in next week.”

“Well that sounds like reason to celebrate,” Brian said proudly. “How about a trip to Woody’s tonight? I’ll call they guys and have them meet us there.”

“Sounds great. It’s been ages since I went out with friends for a couple drinks,” Justin said.

“Good, why don’t you pick me up around nine? Considering I drove your ass around for almost a year, it’s the least you can do,” Brian teased.

Justin laughed at Brian’s joke. “Okay, I’ll see you at nine. Now I better let you get back to work.”

“Yeah, I’ve still got a shit load to finish before I can even think about going out.” Brian watched Justin walk towards the door but stopped him before he made it out. “Oh, and Justin, I’m really proud of the way you’re getting your life together.”

Justin beamed at the praise. “Thanks, I’m pretty proud of me, too.”

End of part 4
09/17/05

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