Healing the Heart

Chapter 7

Brian finished getting dressed while trying to figure out what he was going to say to Justin. He couldn't believe he allowed himself to lose control like that. He never wanted to act on his attraction, and even though Justin seemed to keep his cool about it, Brian knew he needed to go out there and explain things. Taking a deep breath, he open the door and went out to the living room, finding Justin looking out the window.

"Hey,"

Justin jumped at the sound of Brian's voice. He was so lost in thought he never heard the bedroom door open. "Hey."

"I'm going to call Lindsay to tell her you're here and order dinner. After that we can talk," Brian said, grabbing the menus and handing them to Justin. He grabbed the phone and dialed Lindsay's number. She answered on the first ring, obviously hoping it was Justin calling.

"Justin?"

"It's me, Linds," Brian replied.

"Oh Brian! I'm so worried. Justin walked out earlier and he was pretty upset. I'm really starting to worry about him. What if..."

"He's with me, Linds."

"He's with you? How?" Lindsay asked in confusion.

"You're right, he was really upset. He called me because he didn't have anyone else to call and he didn't want to go back home with two raving lunatics. What the hell were you thinking?" Brian could feel his irritation building again over the way Lindsay disregarded Justin's feelings.

"I wasn't thinking. Melanie showed up here and she was trying to take Justin away from me. I don't want him to go, Brian. I want him to stay here with me. Can you talk to him? Tell him how sorry I am?" Lindsay asked, brushing away a small tear.

"I'll talk to him. We're ordering dinner now, so I'll bring him home after we eat," Brian replied, wondering what she would say if she knew what happened.

"Okay. Thank you, Brian. I'm so glad Justin has you to turn to. I'll see you later," she said before hanging up the phone.

"If you only knew," Brian mumbled as he replaced the receiver.

"Did you say something?" Justin asked.

"What? Oh, nothing. Did you decide what you wanted for dinner?"

"Whatever you want is fine. I'll eat anything," Justin replied, feeling a little apprehensive about their talk.

After dinner was ordered, Brian and Justin sat down on the couch, neither one of them sure what to say next. Brian spoke first.

"Justin, I never should have...done what I did before. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm gay. I wanted to be honest in the beginning, but Lindsay felt that we should wait until you felt more comfortable with things before telling you. I don't know what came over me earlier. I've never tried to...kiss a straight person before. I hope I didn't scare you. You can still come to me if you need me and I promise that nothing like that will happen again," Brian explained, feeling foolish for even having this conversation.

Justin looked at Brian in shock. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Now he was going to have someone to talk to about his feelings. He would be able to ask all those questions that had been plaguing him ever since he noticed he was a little different. All he needed to do was figure out how to tell Brian how he felt. He was trying to find the right words when Brian spoke again.

Brian noticed that Justin was surprised by what he had admitted to and figured that he was freaking out about it. Most seventeen year old straight boys didn't even want to understand about the gay world. He figured he'd make things easier and let Justin off the hook.

"Look, if this is too much for you to take right now, we could just forget about dinner and I could drive you home."

"No!" Justin exclaimed. "I mean, it's okay. I understand. Actually, I think I have a couple of questions for you. If you don't mind, that is."

"Sure, ask away."

"How old were you when you realized that you were...different?" He asked, tentatively.

"I guess I was about twelve or thirteen. I noticed that I wasn't interested in girls like my friends were. I would rather watch the football players than the cheerleaders," Brian replied with a chuckle.

"What did you do about it? Did you tell anyone?"

"No. I was too afraid to tell anyone. I kept it to myself until I was fourteen. My family had just moved here and I met my friend Mikey. I guess we both pretty much came out together after that."

"Was he your first? Did you and he..."

"No, we were never together. He did have a crush on me for awhile, but we decided that our friendship was more important that anything else. I needed him as an escape from my father, and he needed me because he was the school geek and I helped him become one of the cool kids," Brian replied with a smile.

"How old were you when you first..." Justin was embarrassed by the questions he was asking, but knew he needed some answers to help him figure out what to do next.

"I was fourteen. It was with my Gym teacher. We didn't actually have sex. We just fooled around a little. I didn't have sex until I was seventeen. Justin? What's with all the questions?" Brian was beginning to get suspicious.

"I...um...I think I might be...you know...gay," Justin stammered, looking down to the floor.

Brian couldn't help but smile. He remembered back to when he was confused about who he was and it wasn't easy coming to terms with being different. He couldn't help but feel for the kid. Especially with everything else that was going on in his life. He waited for Justin to continue.

"I used to wonder why I seemed so...different from everyone else. I wanted to talk to someone about it, but there was no one to talk to. My father wasn't exactly...accepting of that lifestyle. If he knew that I was having feelings like that, who knows what he would have done to me. So I pushed those thoughts away and told myself it was just a phase I was going through until..." Justin stopped, not wanting to admit his feelings for Brian.

"Until what?"

Justin was saved from answering when the doorbell rang. Brian rose from the couch and got their dinner taking it into the kitchen and putting it on plates for them. The ate in a stifled silence, each one thinking about all that had been shared so far that night. Once they were done, Brian took the dishes to the sink and headed back to finish their conversation. He knew that he should keep his distance for awhile. He was five years older than Justin and a lot more experienced then him, but lately he couldn't seem to get the kid out of his mind and now that he knew that he might be gay, probably was gay, his attraction became more profound.

"So where were we?"

"Um...I don't know if..."

"Justin, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but I do know what you're going through. I've been there before and I might be able to help you figure out what you are feeling," Brian pointed out.

"I know...it's just that, well...it's a little embarrassing. I guess I wasn't really sure until I uh...saw you earlier, in your towel," Justin said quietly, avoiding making eye contact.

"And now you're sure?"

"I don't know. I mean, I think I might be, but I spent so long trying not to think about it that I'm not really sure what I'm feeling," Justin admitted.

"What did you feel when I kissed you before?"

"I...uh...liked it," Justin whispered.

"Would you like me to kiss you again?" Brian asked huskily.

"Yes."

Brian didn't need any further encouragement. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Justin's lips, trying to ignore the tightening in his groin. When Brian heard a quiet moan, he deepened the kiss, parting Justin's lips and gaining access to his warm mouth. They continued exploring each other's mouth until the need for oxygen overcame their need for contact.

"Wow, that was..." Justin said, breathlessly.

"Yeah, wow," Brian replied, trying to get his own breathing under control. "I think I should take you home now."

"But...I thought you..." Justin couldn't figure out what happened. He thought Brian had enjoyed kissing him, but now he couldn't wait to get rid of him.

Brian could read Justin's thoughts and tried to reassure him. "Justin, it's not that I'm trying to get rid of you. I just think that it would be better if you went home. You have a lot to think about, and I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for," he explained.

"Will I see you again?"

"Of course you will," Brian replied.

"No, I know I'll see you again. You're Lindsay's best friend. I meant will I SEE you again?"

Brian looked into Justin's eyes and knew what he was asking. He also knew his answer. "Yeah, you'll see me again. Why don't you take the next couple of days to think about things and we'll talk this weekend. Okay?'

"Okay," Justin replied with a smile. He couldn't believe all that had happened tonight. He was actually happy that Mel and Lindsay started fighting over him. It caused him to find Brian, and in extension, himself.

Brian pulled the jeep up outside Lindsay's house and turned to Justin. "Before you go in there, remember that they love you and just want what's best for you. What you need to do is sit them down and tell them what you want. You'll find a way to work it out."

"Thanks Brian, for everything," Justin replied. He reached out to open the door when he felt Brian's arms stop him. As he turned back, his lips were covered by Brian's in a gentle kiss. When he pulled away, he saw a small smile on Brian's face.

"Sleep well," Brian said softly.

"You, too." He climbed out of the jeep and made his way to the door, counting the hours until he saw Brian again.

Brian watched Justin walk to the door with one thought running through his head. He was in trouble.

Lindsay was sitting on the couch when Justin walked through the door.

"Justin, are you alright? I've been so worried," she said as she stood up.

"I'm fine, Lindsay. Where's Mel?" Justin asked, wanting to get the whole mess of where he was going to live out in the open.

"She was pretty upset earlier. After Brian called and assured us that you were okay, she called a cab and went out for a bit. You are okay, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Listen, Lindsay, since Mel's not here, can I ask you something?" Justin asked.

"Sure Justin. You can ask me anything," Lindsay assured him.

"Are you sure you really want me here? I mean, I know my mom arranged for me to come here if anything happened to her. I don't want you to think that you have to keep me out of obligation."

"Justin, you are not an obligation. I love having you here. I wish the circumstances were better, but I have enjoyed having a housemate. I would be thrilled if you stayed here until you decide what you want to do. If you decide to go to Dartmouth, then you'll be welcome to come here during all your breaks and whenever you want to get away. If you decide to work at Ryder and go to school in town, you are welcome to stay here until graduation. The choice is yours, but I want you to think of this as your home," Lindsay said, hoping she was making her feelings clear.

"Thank you, Lindsay. I love being here, even though I know I haven't been the best company lately. I'm not going to Europe with Melanie. Just do me a favor and let me tell her? I don't want you guys to fight anymore," he replied with a chuckle.

"Alright, if you insist, but I would have loved to see the look on her face," Lindsay teased.

Justin couldn't help but chuckle at that. "What is it with you two? Why haven't you ever gotten along?"

"I don't know. It wasn't always like that. There was a time when we were younger that we used to love playing together. I guess we just grew apart. We don't have anything in common anymore," Lindsay explained, once again wondering when they started hating each other. Not that she really hated her. She was actually a beautiful woman, although she didn’t think Melanie would appreciate hearing that.

"Well, now you do. You have me. Do you think you two could try to call a truce? For me? I don't want Mel to think that she can't come and visit me because I'm here."

"Sure sweetie. I'll try my best," she assured him.

"Good, that's all I ask. Now I'm going to go to bed. I have a lot on my mind and want to be alone. Good night, Lindsay. I'll see you tomorrow." Justin hugged her and went off to his room, wanting to be alone with his thoughts of Brian.

Lindsay smiled as she watched Justin walk away. She didn't know what Brian and Justin had talked about while they were together, but she sensed that he found some peace with his life and she knew that Brian had a big part in that. She was going to have to find a way to thank him for all that he had done for her cousin, although she knew that she would never be able to repay him for bringing Justin back to the world of the living.

The next day Justin sat down with Melanie and told her he was going to stay in Pittsburgh. She took the news better than he thought she would and even said she was going to check into some of the colleges in the area and see if she could transfer there when she was ready to get back to school. She liked living in Europe, but didn't want to be half way around the world if Justin needed her. She booked a late night flight back home and had everything packed by the time dinner was ready. The three of them had a pleasant meal, then Justin offered to go for a walk so the two women could talk before Melanie left.

"Just try to work things out, okay?" Justin said to Lindsay before he left.

"I'll do my best," she replied.

As soon as he was out the door, Lindsay turned to Melanie.

"He wants us to try to find a way to get along."

"I know. He told me that, too. What happened, Linds? We used to be so close," Mel said quietly.

"I don't know. Everything was good between us until that summer when we were thirteen. When I went to Philadelphia for my annual two week stay, you seemed so different. It was as if you weren't the same person anymore and I missed my friend. Did something happen that year?"

Melanie took a deep breath, figuring it was time to come clean with Lindsay. She was planning on moving to Pittsburgh and knew that eventually both she and Justin would find out the truth anyway. She might as well come clean to Lindsay now and test the waters.

"Actually, something did happen that year. I found myself, Linds. I realized that I wasn't the person that everyone thought I was," Mel admitted.

"What does that mean? You weren't the person everyone thought you were?" Lindsay asked in confusion.

"I'm a lesbian, Linds. That winter I realized that I was different, but I knew I couldn't tell the family. You know how they are. So I kept it to myself. I guess while I was trying to hide who I was, I shut out those around me. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know if you would understand."

Lindsay was floored. She never imagined that Mel could be gay. And here she thought they had nothing in common. "I wish you would have shared that with me. Maybe I wouldn't have felt like I was the only one for all those years."

"I know, Linds. I should have...what did you say?" Mel asked in surprise.

"I said I wouldn't have felt like I was the only one for all those years. That was one of the things that hurt the most. I kind of found myself that year, too. I was going to tell you. I was hoping that you would understand and be there for me, but you were so stand offish that I decided not to tell you. Things were never the same again so I never mentioned it," Lindsay explained with a sad smile.

"You mean that for all these years we could have been helping each other and instead we were fighting? That would be funny if it wasn't so sad," Mel replied quietly.

"Yeah, well maybe it's not too late. Do you think that we can put it all behind us and move on? For Justin, if for no other reason."

"I would do anything for Justin, but I think I'd like to do it for us, too."

"Me, too. But let's not say anything to Justin right now. I plan on telling him about my...uh, lifestyle, but I didn't want to throw it at him with everything else he's dealing with," Lindsay said.

"I agree. We can wait for a bit before dropping this bombshell on him." Melanie looked at her watch. "My taxi should be here any minute. I guess it's time for me to go."

"It figures. We finally work through our problems and now you're leaving," Lindsay chuckled.

"It won't be forever. I'm coming back here to finish my education and get my degree. I just need to save up some money first. I have two roommates in Europe, but without them being here with me, I don't know how I'll pay my rent. I'll look for a second job when I get back and hopefully have enough saved up within the year," Mel assured her.

"Well, that's not too long, I guess. Unless..." Lindsay thought of the perfect solution. "Why don't you move in here with us? I have more than enough room. Christy's parents loaned her some money for an apartment so she's going to be moving soon. That leaves two extra bedrooms, and I'm sure that Justin would love to have you here."

"I don't know, Linds. Are you sure I won't be in the way?"

"Of course I'm sure. We're family, remember?" Lindsay asked, feeling a little disappointed by that thought.

"Yeah, I guess we are," Melanie replied.

Just then Justin walked through the door. "Mel, you're cab is here."

"Well, I guess I'd better go. I'll give you a call when I get home," Melanie told Justin, taking him in her arms.

"Thank you for coming. I'm going to miss you," Justin said, hugging her back.

"Me, too Justin. I'm going to be back soon, I promise. Lindsay's offered to let me stay here with you until I can get settled."

"Really? That's great! I'm so happy. We can all be here together as one big happy family," Justin cheered, thrilled by the news.

Lindsay and Melanie looked at each other, both of them lost in thought.

"Alright, my cab's waiting. Bye baby," Mel released Justin and turned to Lindsay. "Bye Linds. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mel. Have a safe trip and we'll talk to you soon," Lindsay said, hugging the woman briefly.

Justin and Lindsay watched Melanie walk out and looked at each other.

"I'm glad you worked things out with her, Lindsay. Thanks," Justin said with a smile.

"No, thank you for encouraging me to talk to her. We have missed so much over the years, and I'm glad that I'm going to have her back," Lindsay replied.

"Well, I better go to bed. I'll see you in the morning. I want to be up and ready in case Ryder calls. He said he'd let me know by the end of the week and tomorrow's Friday," Justin said with excitement.

"Okay. Don't worry about Ryder. He'll call. I'm sure of it," Lindsay assured him.

"Thanks Lindsay, good night."

Justin changed into his sweats and reached for the phone. He knew it had only been one day since he talked to Brian, but after what happened, he missed him and couldn’t stop thinking about him. With his hand shaking, he slowly dialed the phone and waited for Brian to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Were you sleeping?" Justin asked, glancing at the clock.

"No, I just climbed into bed. Is something wrong?" Brian asked with concern.

"No...I just...uh..." Justin felt foolish. He shouldn't have called. He just wanted to hear Brian's voice.

"It's okay, Justin. You don't need a reason to call me if you just want to talk. How are things with Melanie and Lindsay?"

"Great! I told Lindsay that I wanted to stay here with her and she was happy with that. Then they made up and decided to put everything behind them. Mel's actually going to move here to Pittsburgh and Lindsay invited her to stay here until she can get settled," Justin explained.

"Good. Now you'll have two over protective women telling you what to do," Brian teased.

"Oh no! I never even thought of that," Justin groaned.

"Glad I could be here to point that out to you," Brian chuckled.

"Ass!" Justin laughed. "So how was work today? Has Ryder...said anything to you?"

"Are you fishing for information, little boy?"

"I've been good all week and haven't asked, but tomorrow is Friday and I'm starting to get nervous. Can't you even give me a hint?" Justin whined.

"Don't you want to be surprised?"

"No, I want to know!" Justin exclaimed.

"Are right, how's this? How would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night?" Brian asked, smiling in the dark.

"What does that have to do with whether or not I have a job?" Justin said, exasperatingly.

"Well...we would be celebrating," Brian explained.

"But that doesn't tell me if...you mean I got it? I've got the job?" Justin couldn't contain his excitement.

"You've had it since the interview. Ryder just wanted to give you time to think about it since it's a complete change from your original plans. Welcome aboard, Mr. Taylor."

"I can't believe this. I am so excited. I'm going to have to buy some new clothes...shit, where am I going to get the money?" Justin was basically talking to himself.

"How about if I..."

"Don’t even go there, Kinney. You are not paying for my clothes," Justin said, interrupting Brian's reply.

"If you stop interrupting me, I was going to say that I could loan you the money until you get your first few paychecks." Brian finished.

"Oh, well in that case, yes. Thank you once again, Brian. I guess I'll let you go to sleep. I know you have to get up early in the morning," Justin said, hating to say goodbye.

"You never answered me. Do you want to go get dinner tomorrow night?" Brian asked again.

"Yeah, that would be great." Justin said, beaming.

"I'll pick you up around 7:00. Good night, Justin."

"Good night, Brian," Justin replied before hanging up the phone.

Justin lay in the dark thinking about all that had happened in the last few days. Even though his whole world had been blown apart less than a month ago, things were starting to look up, and he owed it all to Brian.


End of part 7
2/17/04

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