Healing the Heart

Chapter 6

Brian was surprised to find Lindsay home when he got off work. Apparently her friend was a fast packer and they made record time of getting her all moved out. She was now occupying her time in Lindsay's guestroom and it was time for Brian to go home. He was upstairs gathering his things when she appeared at the doorway.

"What you did for Justin was amazing. I don't think I've ever seen him this excited; even when he was a little boy," she said with a smile.

"It was nothing. I saw his talent and just figured I'd help him out," Brian replied.

"Yeah, well thank you. I really appreciate all you have done for him. Nothing I was doing was helping him and it broke my heart to see him so sad," Lindsay explained.

"Like I said, it was no big deal. I better get out of here. I have some things I have to do when I get home," Brian told her, feeling a little sad at the thought of going home to his empty apartment. He enjoyed having Justin around the last two days.

"Okay, thanks again for staying here while I was gone. I wouldn't have felt right leaving Justin alone and he would have hated coming with me."

"When Justin gets back from his walk tell him I said good bye," Brian said, grabbing his bag. He felt a little bad about leaving before the boy got home, but he was a little confused by his feelings and decided it was probably best if he just took off.

"I will. I'll call you tomorrow," Lindsay replied, kissing Brian's cheek as he passed by her.

Twenty minutes later, Brian walked into his apartment and looked around. Nothing had changed in the two days he was gone, yet something felt off. He didn't know what it was, but had a feeling it had to do with the emptiness that surrounded him. He walked over to the phone and hit the button to play his messages. He was surprised to find a message from Justin.

"Hey Brian, it's Justin. I...uh...just wanted to say thank you for...everything. I...I'm sure I'll see you around. Bye."

Brian stared at the phone, imagining the look he knew would be on Justin's face when Ryder offered him the job. "Yeah, I'll see you around," Brian said to the empty room.

Justin was sitting on his bed, thinking about the last few days. He was so confused by his feelings. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get thoughts of Brian out of his head and it scared him. He wished there was a way to figure out what his feelings meant, but without having anyone to talk to; he was just going to have to wait and hope that everything became clearer. He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard the doorbell ring. It was 9:00 at night and wondered who it could be. Maybe Brian had left something behind. He rose from the bed and headed upstairs to investigate.

Lindsay was just getting ready to go to bed when she heard the doorbell. She went to answer the door and was surprised by the person on the other side.

"Melanie! What are you doing here?"

"What do you think? Where's my cousin?" Melanie said, brushing her way past Lindsay, looking for Justin.

"He's in his room. I'm not sure if he's still awake," Lindsay replied, shocked by the woman's obvious anger.

"Well I want to see him for myself and make sure he's okay," Melanie said with accusation in her voice.

"Oh, now you want to see him? Where were you weeks ago when the poor kid had to go through watching his parents being buried?" Lindsay shot back, feeling her own anger begin to grow.

"I was away. I took a year off from law school to travel around Europe. I just heard the news and jumped on the first flight I could get only to find out that Justin was here with you." She still couldn't believe all that she had learned in the last 48 hours. She had always been close to her uncle and his family and was horrified to find out that Lindsay had been named guardian to Justin.

"Yes, apparently Aunt Jen wanted him to be here with me if anything was to happen to her and Uncle...Craig," Lindsay said, still having a hard time saying his name. She held a lot of anger towards the man who had killed her aunt and hurt Justin so deeply.

"Well, we'll see about that. I'm here now," Melanie replied. She was about to continue when she heard Justin come into the room.

"Mel?"

"Baby! I came as soon as I heard," Melanie said, taking the boy into her arms. He held him tight, happy to see that he was indeed okay. As soon as she heard about what had happened, all she could think about was getting to Justin. She had grown up in Philadelphia, and even though there was almost six years between them, she and Justin had always been close.

Justin held onto his cousin, trying to hold back his tears. He had wanted to see her ever since that day, but no one seemed to know where she was. He had been secretly hoping that she would find him.

"How are you doing, Baby? I just found out a couple of days ago and got here as soon as I could," Melanie said, pulling back to look into his eyes. Her heart broke by what she saw there.

"I'm okay, I guess. I just miss them," Justin replied, weakly.

"I know you do, sweetheart. I do, too. It's going to be okay, though. We'll get through this."

"Why did he do it, Mel? Why did he have to take Mom away from me? Why did he leave me here all alone?" Justin cried, unable to hold back his emotions.

"I don't know, Justin. Your father had...problems. I guess they were a lot deeper than we thought. But you are not alone. I'm here now, and we will get through this together," Melanie assured him, trying to offer comfort. She could feel her own eyes tearing up, but knew she needed to be strong for Justin. She had lost her aunt and uncle, but he had lost his parents; his whole world.

Lindsay watched the reunion from the side and could see how close Justin was with Melanie. She was happy that he finally had someone he could open up to and tried not to resent the woman for the closeness they shared. Obviously they were close. They lived in the same city, while she had been hours away in Pittsburgh. Suddenly her mind registered what Melanie had said just before Justin came into the room. Her stomach did a little flip when she realized that Melanie was planning on taking Justin away with her. She had grown accustomed to having Justin there everyday and didn't want to think about losing him now that he was just starting to open up and move on a bit. She would do everything in her power to keep him here with her. Even if it meant making nice with Melanie. They had known each other for over twenty years, but ever since they hit their teens, they never really seemed to get along. She just figured it was one of those things. They were two incredibly different people and didn't have anything in common. Now they did. They had Justin and they were going to have to get along for his sake.

"Where are you staying, Melanie?"

"I'm not sure yet. I took a cab here straight from the airport. I guess I'll have to call around and see what I can find," Melanie replied, realizing she had nothing planned past seeing Justin.

"You can stay here if you'd like. I have a friend staying here for a few days, but since Justin is in the basement, I still have an extra room," Lindsay offered.

"You have Justin in the basement?" Her voice dripping with accusations.

Justin chuckled at Melanie's reaction. "It's not like that, Mel. Lindsay and her friends converted the basement into a really cool room for me. Do you want to see it?"

Melanie looked at Lindsay skeptically, then back at Justin. "Sure baby. Let me just get my luggage off the front porch." She turned back to Lindsay. "Thanks for the offer. I won't be staying too long."

Lindsay felt a chill run down her spine at her words, reading the underlining threat that was there. She watched Melanie and Justin bring the luggage inside and upstairs before they headed down to the basement. After awhile, she realized that they were probably staying down there catching up. so she locked up the house and went to bed, feeling a sense of dread settling inside.

Justin woke up the next morning and was surprised to see it was after 11:00. He and Melanie had stayed up most of the night talking about everything they could think of. As nice as Lindsay had been to him, it was nice to have someone he was close to in the house. He went upstairs and saw that no one was home. Grabbing an apple, he headed back to his room and started sketching. He wasn't too surprised to find Brian's face starting back at him from the page. After talking to Melanie, he was beginning to feel a little better about his life, but he still didn't know what to do with his growing feelings for the older man. All he knew was that he was going to have to try to figure out what it was that he was feeling. Brian was obviously out of the question, but he needed to figure out exactly what it was that he wanted in life. Pushing those thoughts away for later, he continued drawing for the rest of the afternoon.

Lindsay pulled into the driveway after work and took a deep breath. All day long she had been distracted by thoughts of losing Justin. She knew that she held the legal right to have him with her, but if he wanted to go with Melanie there was nothing she could do about it. He was almost eighteen years old and if he didn't want to stay there with her, she wouldn't try to keep him against his will. She made her way into the house and found the two of them talking in the living room.

"Hey, you two. How was your day?"

"Good. I got a lot of drawing done, and Mel and I were just catching up some more. Europe sounds exciting," Justin replied with a smile.

Lindsay just bet that Melanie made it sound exciting. She pushed away those thoughts. "Where's Christy?"

"She said something about trying to find a job. She said not to hold dinner for her," Justin explained.

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll go start on that now and leave you two to talk."

Once she was in the kitchen, Lindsay began cooking, trying not to think too much about what was going on in the other room. By 6:00 they were all sitting around the table eating dinner. It didn't take long for Melanie to bring up taking Justin away.

"Justin, how would you like to go to Europe with me?"

"Me? Go to Europe? That sounds great! There are so many things I want to see. All those art museums!" Justin exclaimed, before realizing the small glitch in the plans. "But I don't know if I can. I'm waiting to hear from Ryder about the internship. He might want me to start right away."

"Baby, I wasn't talking about going for a vacation. I meant to live there. I have a really nice flat with two bedrooms. You could relax and spend your time drawing, maybe even check out some of their art schools. I hadn't decided yet, but I've been considering making it my home," Melanie explained.

"Melanie, Justin lives here with me. You can't just come in here and try to drag him away," Lindsay said, trying to hold her temper.

"He hardly even knows you, Lindsay! He and I are really close. Of course he would rather me with me!" Melanie replied, her voice getting louder than she'd planned.

"Just because you spent more time together growing up doesn't mean that he would rather take off to a foreign country than to stay here with me. We've been getting to know each other better since he moved here. Besides, he might have a job that would help his career. Why would you think he would want to just throw that all away to go with you?" Lindsay yelled, jumping up from her chair.

"It's a chance of a lifetime for an artist to experience Europe! Why would he want to stay here in Pittsburgh with you?" Melanie yelled back.

Justin watched the two women begin to fight over him and couldn't believe his ears. He was almost an adult and they were fighting over him as if he was a toy. And what would he decide? He didn't want to hurt either one of them. Europe would be a dream come true, but so would his job at Ryder. His mind was racing because of their fighting, and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Enough! I am not a child! I can make my own decisions and right now I don't want to be with either one of you! I'm going out!" He yelled as he grabbed is jacket and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Melanie and Lindsay watched him walk out, before quietly sitting down to finish their dinner.

Justin walked around trying to keep it together. He wasn't sure where he was going, all he knew was that he needed to get away from Melanie and Lindsay. A little while later, he found himself standing by a pay phone. Without knowing why he was making the call, he began dialing Brian's number.

"Hello?"

"Brian? It's Justin. I'm not sure why I called. I just needed to...you know what? Never mind. I won't bother you," Justin said, feeling foolish.

"Wait! Justin, what's wrong?" Brian asked, detecting the anguish in his voice.

"I couldn't stay there anymore. I had to get away. They were fighting over me like I wasn't even in the room. I'm not a child anymore. I'm old enough to make my own decisions," Justin replied.

"Yes, you are. Where are you? I'll come and get you," Brian replied, grabbing his keys.

"No, that's okay. I'll be alright," Justin assured him.

"Tell me where you are, Justin," Brian demanded gently.

Justin gave Brian the name of the street he was on and hung up, waiting for his ride to arrive. Once he was settled in the jeep, he looked over at Brian before speaking.

"Thanks for coming to get me. I...didn't have anyone else to call."

"No problem, but does Lindsay know where you are?" Brian asked.

"No, and I don't want her to know. I don't want to go back there now, so if you plan on taking me home, just let me out here," Justin replied.

Brian could tell that whatever had happened really upset Justin and he didn't want to make things worse by trying to force him to call Lindsay. First he needed to know what happened.

"I just got off work and I'm beat. Why don't we go back to my apartment and order some take out. You can tell me what happened then," Brian suggested.

Justin didn't want to talk about what had happened, but he knew Brian was going to make him explain, so he mumbled his okay and spent the rest of the ride staring out the window.

Once they got into the apartment, Justin decided to just tell Brian what he wanted to know.

"My cousin Melanie showed up last night."

Brian was surprised when Justin spoke and figured this was his chance to get to the bottom of the story, so he sat down and waited for Justin to continue.

"Melanie is my father's niece. She's been in Europe for the last couple of months and just heard about what my father...what happened. We were really close growing up even though she's older than me. I was happy to see her and we spent most of the night talking about everything. I love Lindsay and all, but I don't know her that well. It was nice to have someone so close to talk to, you know?" Justin took a breath before continuing. "Anyway, everything was going good until dinner. Mel asked me to go to Europe with her."

Brian felt a tightening in his chest at Justin's words, but pushed them away. He didn't have time to think about his reaction to Justin leaving. "What did you say?"

"Well that's the thing. At first I got excited. I mean, if I want to be an artist one day, going to Europe would be incredible. But I told her I couldn't go, because I was hoping to have a job soon. That's when she told me that she didn't want me to go for a visit. She wanted me to move there. I was shocked, but before I had a chance to say anything Lindsay jumped in and said that I live with her and I couldn't go. Then they started fighting over who I would rather live with as if I wasn't even there. Mel said I was closer to her so of course I would want to go with her. Lindsay said that even though we aren't as close, I wouldn't rather move out of the country then stay with her. Now I don't even know what to do. I always figured that Lindsay took me in because she had to, but it sounded like she really wants me there."

"Of course she wants you there. What happened next?"

"I got up and yelled something about not being a child and left. Brian, I don't know what to do. I mean, I would love to go to Europe, but I don't want to live there. I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. They were making it sound like the one who I love more wins. Just because Melanie lived in Philadelphia doesn't mean I would rather stay with her. I was just beginning to feel comfortable here and I don't want to go away," Justin admitted, leaving out the part about not wanting to leave Brian.

"Then what's the problem? Just tell Melanie that you want to stay here," Brian replied.

"But what if I hurt her feelings? She thinks that I should want to go with her because we've been so close," Justin pointed out.

"Justin, you can't spend your life doing what you think is expected of you. If I did that, God knows where I would be. You have to do what makes you happy. Fuck everyone else. Just tell her that you want to stay. She'll either understand or she won't, but either way you will be where you want to be. Now, I'm going to take a shower. When I get out, we'll order dinner then call Lindsay and let her know where you are. Okay?"

Justin just nodded his head and sighed with resignation, watching Brian walk away. He couldn't help but notice how nice he looked in his suit, and for the first time he didn't completely freak out by that thought. He had been trying to come to terms with his feelings and apparently it was working. Or, he thought it was, until Brian finished his shower and came out wearing nothing but a towel, with tiny water droplets glistening off his chest. Justin's breath caught in his throat and he felt a small tightening in his groin.

"Hey, what are you in the mood to eat? If we order now, it should be here in a half hour," Brian asked, looking for his take out menus.

"I...uh..." Justin couldn't reply. His brain wasn't letting him put together a coherent thought. "I...gotta...go," he stammered before heading to the door.

"Justin, wait," Brian called, grabbing Justin's arm gently before he could make it out of the door. "Where are you going? I thought we were going to get dinner."

Justin stood with his back pressed against the door and looked up into Brian's eyes. "I need to...I can't stay here. I shouldn't..."

Brian looked down into Justin's deep blue eyes and lost all rational thoughts. He couldn't seem to stop himself as he leaned down and placed his mouth on Justin's. The minute their lips met, he felt a jolt rush through his body, heading straight for his cock. Before he had a chance to pull away, he felt Justin's hand come up around his neck in invitation, causing him to deepen the kiss. He sought and received entry, thrusting his tongue inside Justin's warm mouth, loosing himself in the heat between them.

Justin didn't know what was happening. One minute he was trying to run away from the overwhelming feelings that he was experiencing by seeing Brian in a towel, now he was locked in the man's embrace enjoying the warmth of his mouth. It all became too much and he slowly pulled away, looking at Brian with confusion.

"Brian?"

"Shit!" Brian exclaimed, backing away slightly. He couldn't believe he allowed himself to get carried away. He looked into Justin's eyes and was surprised to see confusion there, but not the repulsion he would have expected. Maybe he wasn't far off in his thinking the other day. "I didn't mean for that to happen. Uh...stay here. Sit down for a minute while I get dressed. I think we need to talk."

"Uh...yeah, okay," he replied before watching Brian walk into his bedroom.

Justin sat on the couch, confused by what had just happened. He was sure that Brian was straight. But then again, what did he know? He grew up with a homophobic father and never really met gay people before. Or maybe he had and just never knew it? He was pretty sure that if Brian was straight he wouldn't have kissed him like that. As confused as he was by what had happened, there was one thing he was sure of at that moment. There was no longer any doubt in his mind that he was gay, and that the kissed he just shared with Brian was the best moment of his life.


End of part 6
2/14/04

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