Going the Distance

Chapter 8

Justin stayed up all night thinking about his options. He really didn’t want to get his hopes up only to be let down yet again, but hearing the tone in Brian’s voice when he talked about wanting him to see his face touched something in him that he couldn’t ignore. Was he being selfish in not wanting to give it one last try? Would Brian resent him later for not doing whatever it took to get his sight back? Then there were his own thoughts about it all. He had faced the reality years ago that he would never see again and had accepted his fate; was okay with it, but now that he met Brian everything seemed different. He had heard that Brian was gorgeous, but the longing to see him; to look into his eyes had been growing everyday. His anger at his disability had been consuming him and now he was being given the oppportunity of trying one more time to get his sight back; to see the one person who mattered most to him. Was he strong enough to take the chance? Was he strong enough to live through the heartbreak once again if it failed?

So many thoughts were running through Justin’s mind that he wasn’t surprised to hear his father getting ready for work when he finally drifted off to sleep.

Justin awoke to the sound of his mother calling his name. He wanted to ignore her but he knew he couldn’t. He knew he was going to have to talk to her sooner or later, so he figured it was just easier to get up and get it over with.

“What do you want Mother?” he rasped, trying to clear his cloudy mind.

“I’m sorry to wake you, Justin, but I told Dr. Stevens that I would call him today and let him know what you want to do. Have you given any thought to the surgery?” she asked tentatively.

“Jeez Mom, you just asked me about it yesterday. Can’t I have some time to think about it?”

“Honey,” Jennifer began softly. “Dr. Stevens and I have been discussing this for weeks now. He finally got the go ahead to start treating his patients and he wants you to be his first. After all these years, he thinks of you almost as a son. He…uh…wants to perform the surgery on Thursday.”

“What? This Thursday? And you’re just telling me now?” Justin was furious.

“Justin, I know how you feel about all of this and I didn’t want to even mention it to you until he was certain everything would work out on his end. Please don’t be mad, we only want what’s best for you,” Jennifer explained calmly. She was beginning to regret waiting so long to tell him, but she thought it would be better that way. She and Craig already figured that he was going to refuse anyway, which was why Justin’s next words shocked her.

“How can I not be mad? Now I only have a few days to prepare for this.”

“What? You mean you’re going to do it? Thank you Sweetheart! I’m so happy,” she gushed, pulling him into a tight hug as silent tears began running down her face.

“Don’t thank me, thank Brian. He’s the one who made me even consider it,” Justin said, pulling out of his mother’s embrace.

“Brian? What did he say?”

“He told me that it was my decision and that even though he would love for me to be able to see, he was going to be here no matter what. He really cares about me, Mom.”

“I know he does Honey, and I know you care about him, too.”

Justin took a deep breath before replying. “It’s more than that, Mom. I love him. I can’t even think about what my life would be like without him. I would do anything to make him happy, including putting myself through yet another operation.”

“You mean you’re doing this for him?”

“No…I’m doing this for us. I know he said that nothing would change if I refused, and I believe him; but I don’t want to hold him back and having a boyfriend that’s blind would do just that. Where do we going from here? What kind of future do we have if I can’t see? I want to be a normal teenager. I want to be able to do all the things that normal people do when they are in love. If taking this chance will give me that, it’s worth the risk; he’s worth the risk. Now why don’t you call Dr. Stevens and see if he’ll meet with us this afternoon? I have a few questions I’d like to ask before we do this.”

“I’ll…go call his office now,” she said, stunned by her son’s feelings for Brian. “And Honey, I’m really happy that you have Brian in your life. He’s lucky to have someone like you care about him so much.”

“No Mom, I’m the lucky one.”

Later that night, Justin was sitting in his room thinking about what Dr. Stevens had told him that afternoon. He was scheduled to be admitted into the hospital Wednesday night to have some pre-surgery testing done. His actual surgery was scheduled for Thursday morning. Once he was out of surgery, his eyes would remain bandaged for twenty four hours, giving them some time to heal. If everything went according to plan, they would know the results by Friday morning. The thought of possibly being able to see after all this time was overwhelming and he found himself dreading Thursday’s arrival. It was going to be a long three days.

Brian finished work and headed straight to Justin’s. He hadn’t talked to the blond since the night before and he wondered if Justin had made any decisions regarding the operation. He park outside the house and made his way to the door, ringing the doorbell and hoping that Justin would be the one who answered.

“Hello Brian,” Jennifer greeted as she opened the door. “Justin’s up in his room. Why don’t you go on up?”

Brian was a bit surprised by Jennifer’s attitude towards him. He was sure that she hated him for trying to take her baby away. “Thanks Mrs. Taylor,” he replied before heading upstairs. He knocked lightly and waited until he heard Justin call out before opening the door.

“What do you want?” Justin asked, assuming it was one of his parents. He was still angry with them for keeping everything from him.

“To see you,” Brian replied softly.

“Brian! I thought you were my parents,” Justin exclaimed, jumping up and rushing towards Brian’s voice. He needed the contact.

Brian grabbed Justin as he approached him kissing him deeply before pulling away. “Is everything alright? You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Justin chuckled.

“You know what I mean. What happened that has you so upset?” Brian led Justin back over to the bed and sat down, pulling Justin along side him.

“Well, apparently my mother and father have known about the surgery options for awhile now. They just chose to wait until the last minute to tell me about it. I’m going into the hospital on Wednesday night. My surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning,” Justin explained quietly.

“Why would they…wait, you mean you’re going to do it?” Brian asked in confusion. That was the last thing he expected to hear.

“Yeah, I met with the doctor this afternoon and he went over everything with me; explained everything he would be doing step by step.”

“How do you feel about it?” Brian prodded.

“Truthfully, I’m scared to death; but I realized that I had to take the chance. If it doesn’t work, then that’s that. I won’t do this again, but he really thinks it’s going to work and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity; not after what you said last night.”

“After what I said?”

“You told me that you would be here no matter what I decided, but it was my decision. Everyone is always trying to talk me into doing what they want. It was nice to have someone concerned with my feelings,” Justin admitted.

“Your feelings are what matters; not anyone else’s. Wow, so Thursday, huh? I didn’t think it would happen so soon,” Brian sighed, uncomfortable with the thought of Justin going in the hospital.

“Believe me, neither did I. I guess it’s better to get it over with. Will you come and see me after work on Thursday? They won’t be taking the bandages off until Friday; my eyes need 24 hours to heal first, but I would love some company.”

“Of course I will. Maybe I’ll just take the day off and…”

“No, you need to work. I’ll be alright and my parents will be there with me. I just want to know that I’ll still talk to you at some point. Since we met, we’ve spoken almost everyday. I’ve kind of gotten used to you always being there,” Justin said shyly.

“Me too Justin, me too.”

The next couple of days flew by and before Justin knew it Wednesday night had arrived. Brian didn’t have to work that night so he drove Justin to the hospital while Jennifer and Craig went in their own car. Justin was quiet on the ride over and Brian knew that he was nervous about the next day.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Brian asked as they pulled into the parking lot.

“No, but I know that I have to. Thank you for coming with me. Having you here is helping to me to keep from really freaking out. Despite all the surgeries I’ve had in the past, I really hate all of this,” Justin admitted softly.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here if you need me,” Brian assured him, pulling him in for one more kiss before they went inside.

Once Justin was settled in his room, the doctor came in and began explaining what was going to happen. Brian couldn’t help but feel sorry for Justin. He was lying back on the hospital looking like a scared child and he wanted so much to comfort him, but there wasn’t anything he could do. When an orderly came in to take Justin for some testing, Brian said his good byes; holding on to Justin’s hand a little longer than necessary, trying to assure them both that everything was okay.

After Justin was out of sight, Brian started to walk away when he heard Jennifer call his name. He turned around and waited until she was standing in front of him.

“Is something wrong Mrs. Taylor?”

“No Brian, I just wanted to thank you for getting Justin to agree to the surgery. If it hadn’t been for you he never would have considered doing this.”

“I didn’t do anything. I just told him how I felt. He made the decision all on his own,” Brian explained.

“He really cares about you,” Jennifer stated.

“I care about him, too. That’s why you don’t like me, isn’t it?” Brian got right to the point.

“Brian, I never said I didn’t like you. I was just worried about my son. His life isn’t that of a normal teenager. I don’t want to see him get hurt. There aren’t many eighteen year old college students that would give up a chance to be a normal teen to spend time with someone who’s blind. I just wanted to protect him,” she explained.

“I’m not like everyone else and I don’t consider spending time with Justin a hardship. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if this doesn’t work, I’ll still be here for him. Giving up the chance to be what you consider a normal teen is nothing compared to the thought of giving Justin up,” Brian replied honestly.

“Brian, I’m sorry if I was a little stand offish towards you. You’ll always be welcome in our home from now on. Justin is very lucky to have you by his side.”

“Thank you Mrs. Taylor, but I’m the lucky one,” Brian assured her before walking away.

Jennifer watched Brian walk away and smiled to herself. As far as she was concerned they were both very lucky boys.

Brian tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep thinking about what Justin was going to be facing the next couple of days. He finally drifted off to sleep only to awaken a few hours later. He glanced at the clock and noticed that Justin’s surgery was going to begin in less than two hours. Without thinking he jumped up and rushed to the shower, needing to see Justin one last time.

He arrived at the hospital just as they were getting ready to transport Justin down to the operating room. Jennifer noticed him running towards the room.

“Brian, what are you doing here?”

“I have to talk to Justin. Do you think they’ll give me a minute? I promise I’ll be quick.” Brian gasped, out of breath from his run through the parking lot.

Jennifer smiled at Brian. “I think a few minutes can be arranged.”

Once everyone was out of the room and Brian was alone with Justin, he momentarily froze, afraid of what he was about to admit.

“Brian? What is it? Why are you here?” Justin asked anxiously. He had been surprised when his mother had said that Brian was there and wanted to talk to him before the surgery.

Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and held it for a minute, taking a deep breath before he began. “I…just wanted to tell you…that I…I love you. I needed you to know that before you went in.”

Justin felt the tears welling up in his eyes at Brian’s admission. “Oh Brian, I love you, too.”

Brian leaned down and took Justin’s mouth, kissing him with everything he had. He was so lost in the kiss that he almost didn’t hear the sound of someone clearing their throat by the door.

“I…uh…hate to interrupt, but Justin really has to go now,” Jennifer said quietly, stunned by the love that was radiating between the two boys.

“Love you…I’ll see you later tonight,” Brian whispered so only Justin could hear before releasing his hand and stepping back so that the orderly could wheel Justin away. He stood in the corner and watched him go, his stomach tied up in knots. When Jennifer touched his arm he jumped at the contact.

“He’s going to be just fine, Brian,” she assured him.

“I know,” he rasped, trying to keep his emotions at bay. “Could you call me as soon as he’s out? He didn’t want me to skip classes or work, but I won’t really be able to concentrate until I know for sure that he’s okay.”

“Of course. Let’s go to the nurse’s station and you can give me your cell phone number. I’ll call you as soon as he’s in recovery.”

“Thanks,” Brian replied as he followed Jennifer to the desk.

Once she reassured him for the fifth time that she would call, Brian headed to the campus, showing up for his first class just in time. As he knew would be the case, he wasn’t able to concentrate on anything but the thought of Justin lying on the operating table. His second class wasn’t able to keep his attention either and he was just about ready to give up and go back to his room when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He jumped up out of his seat and headed towards the door, stopping long enough to tell his professor he was going to the bathroom. As soon as he was out of the classroom he answered his phone anxiously.

“How is he?”

Jennifer chuckled at his eagerness. “He’s fine, Brian. He’s still in recovery, but he’s doing okay. The doctor was pleased with the way things went and he’s very optimistic that Justin will be able to see.”

“Thank God. Have you seen him?”

“Just for a minute and he told me to tell you to go to class and then work. He said that if you ditched either to come and see him he would have security throw you out,” she laughed as she relayed the message.

“That little shit! Fine, tell him I’ll be there around seven. And Mrs. Taylor? Can you give him a kiss for me?” Brian asked quietly.

“Sure Brian. Now go learn something since I’m sure nothing sank in so far,” she teased.

“You have no idea. Thanks Mrs. Taylor.”

“You’re welcome Brian, and please call me Jennifer.”

“Good bye Jennifer,” Brian replied with a smile. Justin was okay and whether or not the operation worked, all was right in the world again. He all but skipped back to class.

Justin was lying on his hospital bed, thankful that the day was almost over and that Brian would be there soon. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the sound of Brian’s voice when he had told him he loved him that morning. The words echoed through his brain while he was waiting for the anesthesia to kick in before surgery and had been replaying constantly ever since he woke up. He had finally sent his parents home a little while earlier, wanting to spend some time alone with Brian once he arrived. While lost in thought he heard the sound of the door opening and knew immediately who had entered.

“It’s about time you got here,” Justin teased.

“Well, I would have been here earlier, but someone threatened to have security throw me out if I ditched work, remember?” Brian joked, pulling a chair towards the bed to sit down.

“Really? Who would ever do such a thing?” Justin asked in mock horror.

“I wonder,” Brian replied with a chuckle. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay I guess. I’m just a little anxious for tomorrow now. What if this was all for nothing?” Justin couldn’t hide his fears.

“Then we keep on going as we have been. I told you before that I’m not going anywhere so nothing really changes, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just hate going through all this and getting my hopes up for nothing.” Justin sighed, trying not to think about the outcome. “So, did you mean what you said this morning?”

“Oh that? No, I usually spend my mornings running through the hospital telling people that I love them before they go into surgery,” Brian teased, laughing when he saw Justin’s reaction. “Of course I meant it.”

“I…uh…just wanted to make sure. I didn’t want to find out that you were just saying it to make me feel better,” Justin admitted.

“Justin, I always mean what I say. Besides, I wouldn’t have raced over her, chancing a ticket or an accident, just to make you feel better. I was lying in bed all night unable to sleep when I realized that I never told you how I really feel about you. I thought it was time. What about you? Did you mean it?”

“I think I’ve loved you from the first IM session, so yeah, I meant it too,” Justin assured him with a smile.

They continued talking for a while longer until one of the nurses came in and told them visiting hours were over. Brian hated the thought of having to leave, but he stood up none the less, ready to say good bye.

“I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Call me when you get done work. I should be home by then,” Justin told him, hating that he was going to be left alone.

“You’re kidding, right? Justin, I don’t have classes on Fridays and I took the day off as soon as I found out you were having surgery. And don’t even think about trying to have security throw me out. I’d hate to have to hurt someone, but nothing is going to keep me away tomorrow. You only got away with it today because I knew you were going to need your rest after the procedure, got it?” Brian said, smirk in place although Justin couldn’t see it.

Justin laughed at Brian’s seriousness, knowing that anyone watching would see him smiling. “Got it. Thanks Brian, I love you.”

“Love you, too. Now get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning,” Brian assured him, placing a kiss on his head before walking away.

Justin feel asleep moments later, still feeling the joy of Brian’s words.

Brian walked into his room a little while later to find Ben sitting on his bed, reading his history book.

“So, how’d everything go? How’s Justin?” Ben asked, putting the book aside.

“Everything went good so far. We’ll find out if it worked tomorrow,” Brian sighed as he sank down on the bed next to Ben.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I guess I’m just worried. I really don’t care if it doesn’t work. Nothing is going to change my feelings for Justin. I just don’t want to see him disappointed. He’s been through enough in is life already. He deserves to be happy, you know?”

“I know, but at least this time he has you. I’m sure that will go a long way in helping him past the disappointment if there is any,” Ben assured him.

“Hopefully we won’t have to worry about that, but if we do, I hope you’re right.” Brian replied. “It’s early yet, wanna go grab a slice of pizza?”

“Sure, I don’t really want to read about King Arthur tonight anyway,” Ben chuckled as he closed his book.

“Thanks man, I really just want to forget for awhile.”

“No problem, that’s what friends are for; but you’re paying,” Ben teased as they headed out.

“You’re on.”

Once again, Brian found himself unable to sleep due to all the thoughts running through his head. Being raised by Joan Kinney was a guarantee that he knew how to pray, and pray he did. He spent most of the night praying that either Justin would be able to see or that he would be strong enough to handle it he couldn’t. By the time the sun came up, he was finally able to drift off for a little while, being started awake by the phone ringing.

“Hello,” he mumbled into the phone.

“Hey,” Justin whispered.

“Justin? What’s the matter? Are you alright?” Brian asked, suddenly awake and glancing at the clock.

“Yeah…I’m just a little…nervous, I think. Were you sleeping? I’m sorry; I’ll just see you later.”

“No, it’s okay. I was getting up anyway. Hang in there while I jump into the shower and then I’ll head over, alright?” Brian was already turning the shower on.

“Brian, you don’t have to…”

”I’ll be there soon.”

“Thanks,” Justin replied softly.

“It’ll be okay. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it together, alright? Now I’m pretty sure the phone’s not waterproof, so let me go and I’ll be there as soon as I can. Later.”

“Later.” Justin hung up the phone, the knowledge that Brian would be there soon easing his mind a bit. He’d actually managed to get a good night’s sleep but when he woke a few hours earlier, panic started to set in and all he could think about was having Brian by his side.

By the time Brian got to the hospital, Jennifer and Craig were already there and everyone sat around, waiting for the doctor to appear, trying to act as if nothing was wrong. Dr. Stevens finally made his appearance about an hour later, causing an awkward silence to settle through out the room.

“Good morning Justin, how are you feeling today?” he asked as he looked over the chart.

“Okay, but I’m kind of nervous. Are you going to take the bandages off now?” Justin asked anxiously.

“Yes I am. Are you ready?”

“I…think so,” Justin whispered.

“Okay, I’m going to ask everyone to leave. I know that you’re anxious to know the results, but I need Justin to be able to focus on me, and having other people in the room will distract him. I promise to come out as soon as I’m done and you’ll be able to come in then, okay?”

Jennifer, Craig, and Brian weren’t happy with the doctor’s orders, but did what he asked, taking their places out in the hall.

“Now Justin, the first thing I’m going to do is close the blinds. Your eyes are going to be very sensitive to light for the next couple of weeks and you’re going to have to be careful during the days,” Dr. Stevens explained as he closed the blinds.

“That’s assuming that this worked, right?” Justin asked, hearing the catch in his voice.

“Yes, but even if it didn’t, I still don’t want you outside without something covering your eyes. Okay, now I’m turning off the lights.” Once the room was dark enough, the doctor approached the bed. “I’m going to take the bandages off now. I want you to keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them. When you do open them, I want you to do it slowly. There will probably be a little tenderness, almost like you have sand in them; that’s normal. Everything will be blurry at first, and remember the room is pretty dark so don’t expect to all of the sudden see everything clearly. Are you ready?”

“I think so,” Justin replied weakly.

Dr. Stevens removed the bandages then sat on the bed along side of Justin, saying a silent prayer for the boy. He had known Justin since he was a baby and his eye sight had been lost due to a serious illness. The bond he formed with the Taylor’s had strengthened over the years and they were more than just a patient and his family. He wanted this to work for them; he wanted Justin to be able to live a normal life.

“Okay, now slowly open your eyes and tell me what you see,” he said softly.

Justin slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times before finally being able to keep them open. He looked around the room before settling on the Dr. Stevens face. “I…can…see you. You’re a little fuzzy or something, but I can see you,” Justin cried, unable to hold back his tears.

Dr. Stevens to Justin in his arms, trying to sooth the young man. It had to be a big shock for him after all this time, but he was thrilled to be able to give this miracle to him. He found his own eyes a little damp from emotions.

“It worked. I can’t believe that it worked. Thank you so much,” Justin whispered.

“You’re very welcome, Justin. Now I’m not through with you yet. There are some things we need to discuss before I release you, but first I’ll give you some time with your family. I’ll come back in a little while and we’ll talk then, alright?”

“Okay,” Justin replied, looking around in awe.

“I’ll send everyone in. I’m happy for you Justin.”

Justin barely heard him leave; he was too busy seeing everything there was to see. A few minutes later, Jennifer and Craig raced in the room, tears of joy running openly down their faces.

“Oh Sweetheart, I’m so happy for you! I’ve prayed for this moment for so long!” Jennifer exclaimed, hugging Justin so tight he could barely breathe.

“Congratulations Son. How do you feel?” Craig asked, resting his hand on Justin’s leg for support.

“I’m not sure yet? It all seems so unreal. Where’s Brian?” Justin questioned, looking behind his parents.

“He’s in the hallway. He said he wanted to give you a few minutes with your family. I told him it was okay, but he insisted,” Jennifer explained.

“Could you go get him?” Justin asked softly. “I want to see him.”

Jennifer smiled at her son, taking Craig’s hand and leading them outside the door. She wanted to give her son a few moments alone. “Brian, Justin wants to see you.”

Brian looked over at Jennifer and smiled before walking towards the room apprehensively. He couldn’t believe how nervous he was anticipating Justin’s reaction to him. The one thought that plagued his mind was what would happen if Justin wasn’t attracted to him? It was a fear that he had when he was making plans to move to Pittsburgh, but now that they were together, the rejection would be even harder to deal with. When he walked through the door, he saw Justin staring at the closed blinds and took a deep breath before speaking.

“Justin?”

Justin glanced towards the sound of Brian’s voice and froze at the sight before him. “Oh my God…you’re beautiful.”

Brian breathed a sigh of relief as he approached the bed. He reached out and wiped away a stray tear from Justin’s face, not noticing his own tears that were silently rolling down his face. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They held each other for awhile, just relishing in the joy of the day, until Jennifer and Craig returned causing them to pull away slightly. After the doctor came back in and gave them instructions for Justin’s care and congratulating them once again, Justin was finally released. Once again, Justin rode with Brian, watching the scenery go by through his darkened glasses. Everything seemed so surreal and he was desperately trying to take everything in. By the time they got back to the house, Justin was exhausted. He walked through the house, looking at the place he called home with astonishment. It was strange how well he knew the house, yet everything was so foreign to him. He eventually led Brian upstairs, telling his mother that he wanted to go lay down. As he looked around his bedroom, Brian couldn’t help by watch him with concern.

“Are you alright?”

“I think so. This is all just so weird. I’ve lived here my whole life yet it’s all so new. I guess it’s just going to take awhile to get used to,” Justin said as he sat on his bed.

“Do you want me to go so you can get some sleep?”

“Will you lay down with me? I’m so tired, but I don’t want you to go,” he admitted shyly.

Brian smiled as he lay down on the bed, taking Justin in his arms. They fell asleep immediately, excited about the future but very happy with the present.

End of part 8
9/19/04

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