Going the Distance

Chapter 3

Brian spent the day out in the yard with his father thinking back to the phone call he received earlier. The sound of Justin’s voice made him feel things that he’d been trying not to feel towards his friend, but the thing that got to him most was the concern that he’d heard there. It was a great feeling to know that Justin was worried enough to search for his number and call him considering they’d only known each other for five weeks. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Jacks voice.

“Get your head out of your ass and get to work!”

Brian pushed his thoughts aside and resumed his task of raking the yard, anxious for the moment he could call Justin back.

Unfortunately, that moment was a long time coming. Brian’s mother decided in the early afternoon to take the three hour drive to go visit her sister for a family dinner. By the time they got home it was well after midnight which meant three am in Pittsburgh. Brian stripped down to his underwear and climbed into bed, taking the phone with him. He knew he shouldn’t make the call, but Justin had told him he could call anytime and he didn’t want to blow him off again. The phone was answered on the second ring, not giving Brian time worry about how late it was.

“Brian?” Justin answered sleepily.

“Hey, I’m sorry to call so late. I woke you up, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but its okay. I was worried about you. We hadn’t talked in days and then this morning you had to get off the phone. I wanted to make sure you really were okay,” Justin said softly.

“I’m okay. I just have to stop forgetting to take out the trash,” Brian laughed, trying to make a joke out of what happened.

Justin heard the nervous laughter coming from Brian and knew he was trying to cover up the severity of the situation, but decided to let it go for the time being. “So, what did you end up doing today?”

“Justin, are you sure you want to talk now? It’s after 3:00 am by you and you were sleeping.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m up now and I told you that you could call me anytime…unless you don’t feel like talking?”

Brian really didn’t feel like talking. What he wanted to do was to see Justin. To be able to touch him, hold him, kiss him…but that wasn’t an option so he had to go with the next best thing. Listening to his voice while they were miles away. “Well, I worked in the yard with my father all morning, and then had to go to my aunts for dinner. She lives about three hours away, which is why I called so late. We just got home.”

Justin smiled by Brian’s response. He obviously wanted to talk and they spent the next two hours talking about anything they could think of. By the time they had said good night, Justin knew without a doubt that he was falling in love. After Justin hung up the phone, he lay in bed and thought back over the last few years. He remembered the day that Daphne had come to him to admit she had a crush on him. Up to that point, he wasn’t sure about the feelings he’d been having. He felt that he was different. Something inside of him told him that he would never live his life like his parents did. He couldn’t quite figure out exactly what was different until he was fourteen years old.

His parents had gone to his grandmothers for the day, but he had been sick and wasn’t up to going. They agreed to leave him home, knowing that Daphne would be around if he needed anything. They rented a few movies and sat down in the living room watching them. Daphne always explained everything to him in great detail and made listening to movies fun for him. He noticed that she seemed quiet and asked her if something was wrong.

“What could be wrong?”

“I don’t know. You just seem weird today.”

“Justin, have you ever thought about what it will be like when we grow up? Who we’ll end up marrying or if we’ll have children?”

“I’m not getting married, Daph.”

“What do you mean you’re not getting married? Of course you are.”

“No, I’m not. Look at me Daphne? Who would want me like this?”

“Justin Taylor! How dare you say something like that! Your being blind has nothing to do with falling in love and getting married. There are lots of girls out that that would love to have a chance to be with you.”

“Oh yeah, like who?”

“Stacy Whitman, Kelly Strauss…me…”

“You? But Daph, you’re my best friend?”

“So? What difference does it make? Lots of people fall for their friends. Didn’t your mother say that she and your father were friends for two years before they became a couple? Why can’t something like that happen to us?”

“Daph, I don’t know what to say.”

“Never mind. It was just a suggestion.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s okay.”

“If I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone?”

“You know you can trust me, Justin.”

“I think there’s something wrong with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really sure. It’s just that I don’t see myself settling down with a girl, ya know? It doesn’t seem right to me. When I think about growing up and moving out, it’s not a girl that I think about being with.”

“What do you imagine happening?”

“Well, the other day Scott Jacobs was here and he was sitting next to me on the couch and…oh, I don’t know.”

“Scott? You mean you think you might be…gay?”

“I don’t know. It’s not as easy for me as it is for people who can see. I can’t just look at someone and feel an attraction. I know I liked the way he smelled. And I love the sound of his voice. I wanted to touch him, run my fingers through his hair. Shit, what am I going to do?”

“Well, I guess we’ll figure it all out together.”

“You’ll help me?”

“Of course. What are friends for?”

From that moment on, Daphne helped Justin come to terms with who he was and what he wanted, but other than an occasional guy who smelled nice, Justin never really had any strong feelings about anyone until now. Brian stirred up all kinds of feelings in him. The sound of his voice was music to his ears, but he enjoyed their talks and the way Brian seemed to have a carefree attitude towards life, too. He was falling hard and that thought scared the hell out of him. The one person in his life that stirred up any feelings in him lived on the other side of the country, and didn’t even know he was blind. Life sure had changed since he had gotten his computer and Justin wasn’t sure if it was good…or bad.

Brian was sitting in his room thinking about Justin one day about four months after they had met when his mother knocked on the door.

“Brian, these came in the mail for you. I hid them from your father, but I think you owe me an explanation.”

Brian looked at the envelopes his mother handed to him and realized they were letters from some of the colleges his guidance counselor helped him apply to.

“Mom, I told you I was going to college. I refuse to end up like Pop,” Brian replied, putting the letters in his night table drawer. He refused to open them in front of his mother.

“How do you think you are going to pay for college? You know your father and I don’t have that kind of money, even if we wanted to help.” Her meaning was very clear. They didn’t have a desire to help.

“With my grades and my soccer abilities, I should be able to get a scholarship. Not only do you not have to pay, but I’ll be out of here and you won’t even have to support me anymore. Pop should be thrilled to get rid of me,” Brian replied dryly.

Joan turned and left the room without responding.

Brian locked the door behind her and raced to the drawer. With shaking hands he sifted through the mail until he found the one he had been waiting for. His counselor had made him apply to a lot of different places, but there was only one college he really wanted to attend. Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh. He had always wanted to be as far away from his parents as possible, but the thought of being close to Justin was becoming his main focus. Justin had told him that he wasn’t going to be going to college right away and would continue to live at home for at least another year. Brian never told him he applied in Pittsburgh for fear of scaring him away. He figured that he would keep it a secret and surprise his friend by showing up on his doorstep when he got into town.

Noticing the envelope with the Carnegie Mellon seal on it, he dumped the other letters on the bed and took a deep breath before opening it. Scanning the letter quickly, he couldn’t hold back the smile as he read the words “You have been accepted”.

“Well Justin, it looks like we’re finally going to meet face to face,” he said aloud to the empty room.


6 months later…


Moving day had finally arrived and Brian couldn’t be happier. It had taken all of his effort in the last six months to keep from telling Justin where he was going to school. When Justin had asked him about where he was going to go, Brian only replied by saying wherever they would have him. He knew he was giving Justin the impression that he would be staying in California and going somewhere close to home, but he didn’t want to spoil the surprise. Their friendship had been growing closer and closer each day yet after ten months, Brian still didn’t know if Justin felt anything for him. He hoped that his appearance would be welcome, but only time would tell. He’d sat both of his parents down the week before and told them of his plans. His father hit the roof and hadn’t spoken to him since. All his mother said was to make sure he packed his warm clothes. Pittsburgh was cold in the winter. When he woke up that morning, both of his parents were gone, leaving behind a note saying that they had gone to his aunts for dinner and that they hoped he had a safe trip. So much for his parents seeing him off.

Brian took a cab to the airport and boarded the plane without looking back. His past was behind him and he was looking forward to the future. He arrived in Pittsburgh six hours later and found a cab to take him to the campus. All the hard work he had done though his high school years had paid off when he found out that the scholarship he received not only covered his classes and books, but also his room and board for the next four years. He’d have to share a room with another student, but at least he was far away from Jack.

He found his room quickly and walked in to find his roommate already settled in.

“Hi, my name’s Brian Kinney. I guess you’re my roommate.”

“Hey Brian, my name’s Ben Bruckner. I hope you don’t mind that I took the bed by the door. I wasn’t sure when you would be arriving and wanted to get settled,” Ben explained.

“No problem. I’m not too picky. I’m just happy to be off the plane and in Pittsburgh,” Brian replied, placing his bags on his bed. “How long have you been here?”

“I moved in yesterday, but I’ve lived in Pittsburgh all my life, so if you have any questions about the area, just ask. I’m sure I can help you,” Ben said. For some reason he seemed to like Brian at first sight. It might have been the fact that the kid was beautiful, but whatever reason, he wanted them to be friends.

“Actually, I do have a question,” Brian stated, reaching into his bag and pulling out Justin’s address. “Do you know where this address is?”

Ben looked at the piece of paper and smiled. “Actually, that’s right across town from where I live. It’s about fifteen minutes from here.”

“So, too far to walk, huh?” Brian replied with disappointment. His finances were low from all the things he needed to buy and he didn’t know how he’d afford taking cabs everywhere. He remembered Justin saying that he hadn’t gotten his license yet.

“Yeah, pretty much. Who lives there? Family?”

“No, just a friend of mine. He doesn’t know I’m here and I wanted to surprise him, but until I find a part time job I can’t keep taking cabs everywhere,” Brian explained.

“I have a car. You can borrow it if you want,” Ben offered.

“You’d let me borrow your car? You don’t even know me!” Brian exclaimed, shocked by Ben’s kindness.

“Brian, we live together now. At least for the next ten months. If I can’t trust you, who can I trust?”

Brian laughed at Ben’s explanation. “I guess you’re right. Would you mind if I took it now?”

“You haven’t even unpacked yet,” Ben laughed.

“I’ll do that later. I can’t wait to see the look on Justin’s face when he sees me at his door.”

Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. “Here, let me write you some directions. I’d hate for you to get lost on your first day here.”

Twenty minutes later, Brian was in his car heading towards Justin. His heart was racing from his nervousness. He hoped Justin would be happy to see him, but now he was having doubts. He thought about finding a phone and calling first but decided against it. He’d kept his secret this long, what’s a few more minutes?

He found the house easily and sat down the block for a few minutes before pulling into the driveway. Shaking off his doubts, he approached the door and knocked before he changed his mind. He was shocked when the door opened and he saw a beautiful blond standing in the doorway. They’d never exchanged photos, but Brian knew without a doubt that this was Justin. He opened his mouth to say something when suddenly he realized something wasn’t right. The blue eyes in front of him were vacant. There was no recognition in them. The person before him couldn’t see. Before he had time to respond, he heard the voice that had been filling his mind for months.

“Hello? Can I help you?”

Brian couldn’t find the words to reply and just stood there frozen in time.

“I know someone’s there. Can I help you with something?” Justin tried again.

Brian knew he needed to say something. He took a shaky breath. “Justin?”

Justin recognized the voice immediately and his world crashed around him. “Brian.”


End of part 3
6/10/04

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