Going the Distance

Chapter 11

The next morning, Brian and Justin thanked Debbie for letting them stay and gave them the information for the services before heading home to shower. They had to be at Kathy’s house by noon and neither one of them were looking forward to it. Once they were on the road for the long trip, Justin broke the comfortable silence between them.

“Debbie and Michael seemed very nice. I’m glad you had people like them to turn to.”

“Yeah, they’re the best. I don’t know what I would have done without them. My own parents may not have loved me, but Debbie gave me enough love for two Moms,” Brian replied with a smile, thinking about all the times Debbie made him feel special.

“I’m sure your parents loved you in their own way, Brian. Maybe they just didn’t know how to show it?” Justin suggested.

“I won’t argue with your logic, since that’s an argument that you’d lose. It doesn’t matter anymore anyway. Now, on to a new topic. Have you decided what you’re going to do about school?”

“Not yet. I don’t know, Brian. It’s all so weird. I never thought about my future much. I didn’t think I was going to have much of one. Dr. Stevens gave me the name of a few places that can help me catch up with other people my age. I’ve never considered myself to be stupid before, but here I am at eighteen years old and I wouldn’t be able to keep up with a room full of first graders,” Justin laughed, pushing aside the anger and hurt he felt at the circumstances.

“You’re not stupid, Justin and it’s not your fault. I have no doubt that once you start learning, it won’t take long for you to catch up with the rest of us,” Brian assured him.

“I hope your right.”

They spent the rest of the drive talking about unimportant things and before long they were pulling up outside a small ranch house.

“Well, here we are; in hell,” Brian muttered.

“Be nice, Brian. This is your family,” Justin chastised.

“Yes dear,” Brian teased as they climbed out of the car. As they approached the house, the front door swung open and Kathy came running out.

“Oh Brian,” she exclaimed as she pulled him into a fierce hug. “How’re you doing sweetheart? This must be so hard for you. I know how much you loved Mom and Dad and they loved you so much, too.”

Brian bit back a retort and just let Kathy hug him, once again thankful that Justin was there to help him get through the weekend.

“I guess you’re the friend who came with him from Pittsburgh?” Kathy said as she turned to Justin. “It’s so nice of you to do that. You’re a very good friend. Okay, so let’s go in the house. Brian, your cousins are all inside and they can’t wait to see you.”

Brian just sighed in anguish as he followed his aunt inside. Once there, Brian and Justin were lost in a whirlwind of activity. The whole Kinney/Jones family bombarded them the minute they walked through the door, questioning them both about their lives and what Pittsburgh was like. Brian had somehow lost sight of Justin through it all and hoped that he wasn’t too overwhelmed by everyone.

After the first couple of hours, Brian could feel the start of a pounding headache coming and decided that a little drink would help ease the pain. He still hadn’t had two minutes alone with Justin since they arrived. One of his teenage cousins decided that Justin was a hottie and monopolized most of his time as she told him stories about growing up with Brian. Stories that he was sure Justin would use against him in the future.

Finding a quiet corner in the kitchen, Brian pulled out a hidden bottle of Vodka from under the sink and took a big gulp, shuddering at the burn as it went down. After a quite a few more sips, he began to relax. Eventually his uncle found him and pulled him back into the living room with everyone else. He was feeling a slight buzz from the liquor and couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of Justin almost huddled in the corner of the couch with Tracy sitting as close as she could; her hand was on his knee.

“So Brian, when are you moving back?” his cousin Billy asked.

Brian sighed before replying. “I’m not; my life is in Pittsburgh now.”

“But Aunt Kathy said that you would be moving home. She told me that the only reason you moved away was because of a fight you had with Uncle Jack,” Billy explained.

Maybe it was the effects of the alcohol, or maybe it was just the stress of the day, but when Brian looked over at his aunt and saw her looking at him in anticipation, he lost what little patience he had for his family. “What is it with you people? You can’t honestly believe that I moved to the other side of the country because I had a little fight with my father, can you?”

The room went silent as everyone sat there in shock from Brian’s outburst. Justin could sense that Brian was at the breaking point and stood up to try and diffuse the situation.

“Brian now’s not the time. Why don’t we…”

Brian ignored Justin, deciding it was time to set the record straight. “I moved away from here to get away from them. I wanted to get as far away from the beatings as I could,” he spat, enjoying the surprised looks on their faces. “Don’t you tell me that you all believed those stories about what a klutz I was? Did you really believe that all those bruises were because I was clumsy? I wasn’t. I haven’t fallen down on my own since I learned to walk. Those bruises that I walked around with most of my life were compliments of Jack. They were what you got in my house when you played your music too loud, or forgot to take out the trash. Remember the time I had those broken ribs? They were because I didn’t mow the lawn. Jack used to take great pleasure in teaching me lessons, while Joan sat there with her head in the bible and pretended that everything was okay.”

“Brian, your parents are gone. I really don’t think that now’s the time to get into this,” Kathy said sternly.

Brian was startled by her words. Maybe she wasn’t as clueless as she portrayed herself to be.

“You knew, didn’t you?” Brian yelled. “You fucking knew what they were doing and you never did anything about it!”

“Brian…”

“How could you let it happen? How could you let them hurt me for so long and not try to stop them?”

“Brian, let’s go outside for a minute. You need to calm down,” Justin said as he pulled Brian away.

Brian wanted to fight Justin; to continue with his accusations, but he was running out of stream. As Justin led him through the kitchen towards the back yard, Brian stopped by the sink and grabbed the half empty bottle of Vodka on the way. Once they were alone outside, Brian opened the bottle and took another drink.

“Brian, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Justin asked, hating the pain he saw in Brian’s eyes. “I can’t drive us home, remember?”

“I’ll drive you both back,” Billy said as he came up behind them. “Brian, are you okay?”

“Did you know?” Brian barked, ignoring Billy’s question.

“No, I had no idea. I’m only a year older than you. I’m left in the dark as much as you are when it comes to family shit,” Billy assured him. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not important anymore,” Brian replied, taking another swallow.

Billy didn’t necessarily believe Brian’s words, but decided to let them go for the time being. “Why don’t you let me drive you home now?”

“That would be great Billy, but how would you get back?” Justin asked.

“It’s not a big deal. I’ll just hang with you guys tonight if you don’t mind, and worry about getting back in the morning. I came in from San Diego last night and would rather not stay here if I don’t have to. This family is pretty fucked up, don’t you think?”

“I think I’ll keep my opinions to myself,” Justin chuckled, relieved that they didn’t have to wait around until Brian sobered up enough to drive.

“Okay, why don’t you two walked around to the front and I’ll go inside and let everyone know we’re leaving. I’ll just tell them that you’re too upset to drive,” Billy said as he took the bottle away from Brian.

“Thanks Billy,” Brian replied as he watched Billy walk away.

“He seems like a good guy,” Justin commented as he and Brian walked alongside the house.

“Yeah, he’s always been one of the few people in this family I actually liked,” Brian laughed.

Brian climbed into the back of the car and fell asleep before Billy even made it out of the house. Once they got on the road, Billy started to strike up a conversation with Justin.

“So, do you and Brian go to school together?”

“Uh…no, I’m not in school yet. I took a year off. We actually met online and became pretty good friends,” Justin explained, carefully. He knew that Brian never came out to his family and didn’t want to add to his family problems.

“Oh, that’s cool. Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Uh…sure,” Justin replied nervously.

“How come you couldn’t drive Brian home? You are old enough to drive, right?” Billy couldn’t help but ask. He had a feeling that there was more going on with Justin’s appearance than anyone knew and his curiosity was getting the better of him.

“Well it’s a long story, but the short version is that I lost my sight when I was a baby and just got it back a few weeks ago. Since I couldn’t see, I never learned how to drive.” Justin watched Billy’s face for his reaction. He never realized he would have to relay his story so many times while they were there.

“Wow, really? That’s awesome! I guess congratulations are in order then,” Billy said. He liked Justin immediately and was glad that to learn that he had a stroke of good luck . “So when are you going to take your test? That would have been one of the first things I did after getting my sight back.”

“Can’t read,” Justin stated matter-of-factly. “I lost my sight when I was two so the only thing I know how to read is Braille and the last time I checked, Motor Vehicles doesn’t put out their manual in Braille.”

Billy laughed at Justin’s response. “No, I guess they don’t. Wow Man, I never thought about that. I guess learning to read when your blind isn’t easy, huh?”

“No, not really,” Justin giggled. “I never really thought about it either, actually. When I agreed to have the surgery, I just thought that if I got my sight back I would be like everybody else. Apparently I was wrong. I couldn’t tell time, count money, read; all the things that you take for granted. Thanks to my parents and Brian, of course, I’ve been learning all the important things, but it’ll be awhile before I’m ready to drive.”

“One day at a time, man. So…what’s Pittsburgh like?” Billy asked, surprising Justin by the sudden change of topic.

“Well, I like it…but then again I was born and raised there, and don’t really know anything else. This is really my first trip. My mother thought it was best to stay close to home so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting around. Aside from a few trips to New Jersey to see family, I’ve never left Pittsburgh. Is there a reason for you’re asking, or are you just curious?” Justin questioned.

“Actually, I was thinking about moving away from glorious California and thought I might give Pittsburgh a try.” Billy glanced over at Justin to see his reaction.

“You want to leave California? Why?” Justin was puzzled.

“Come on, Justin; you’ve met my family. Do you really have to ask?” Billy grinned in response.

“I guess not. I’m sure Brian would love to have you close by.”

“Do you think so? He moved to get away from his family and his past. I don’t want to do anything to interfere with that,” Billy said.

Justin thought about it for a moment before replying. If Billy moved to Pittsburgh, Brian probably wouldn’t be able to hide the fact that he was gay. “He moved away from Jack and Joan; not you, but maybe you should talk to him first and see what he thinks. I really can’t answer that for him.”

“Another reason why I agreed to drive you back home. I figured it would give me a chance to talk to him. I just can’t take it here anymore. This family is so overbearing and they’re always sticking their noses in everyone else’s business. I’m an artist, or at least trying to be, and I’m sick of hearing everyone tell me how I’m wasting my time and should just find a real job like the rest of the Kinney’s. When I was checking into art schools I read about the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts. It sounded like a really good school and they accept mid-semester transfers. I was going to call Brian about it next week, but turns out I did have to make the call. Nothing is definite, but I am considering it and would like to have Brian’s approval before making my final decision.” Billy explained.

“I think it’s nice that you care about Brian’s feeling on the subject. I didn’t know you were that close.”

“We were really close when we were young. Jack and my father were brothers, but my father died when I was twelve and my mother didn’t keep in touch with everyone as much after that. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I never noticed what was going on. I feel horrible about what Brian went through. I wish I could’ve been there for him.”

“It’s not your fault. You were just a kid yourself anyway. I’m sure there wouldn’t have been anything you could’ve done anyway,” Justin said, knowing that Brian wouldn’t put the blame on him.

“I know, it just sucks. I can’t believe that Aunt Joan and Uncle Jack could be that cruel. I guess it just goes to show how easy it is to misread people. They were always my favorites,” Billy sighed.

“Yeah, some people hide their true selves away and never let anyone see what they’re really like. I’m sorry that their gone, but I’m not sorry that they can’t be here to hurt Brian anymore. I think he’s been through enough.”

After that the conversation steered more into movies, music, and what was happening in the world. By the time they pulled into the driveway, Billy and Justin were like old friends.

“I guess we should wake up sleeping beauty, huh?” Billy teased. “Of course, we could always leave him to sleep in the car.”

“Thanks a lot, asshole,” Brian mumbled from the back seat.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Cousin. How long have you been awake?”

“Long enough to know that you actually enjoy listening to Jazz. I’m beginning to think we’re not really related. I mean Jazz? Are you crazy?” Brian joked as he sat up and shook the sleep from his mind.

“How could you even ask a question like that? I’m a Kinney; of course I’m crazy?”

They all laughed as they climbed out of the car and made their way into the house.

“I think I’m going to go take a shower and try to get rid of the marching band that’s playing in my head,” Brian announced once they were inside.

“Alright, you go pull yourself together and Billy and I will have something delivered for dinner. Can I have your bank card?” Justin asked.

“Yeah, here,” Brian replied as he tossed his wallet at Justin. “No pizza, though. We eat far too much of it as it is.”

“Yes Sir,” Justin teased.

Billy watched the small exchange between the two with curiosity. Brian and Justin seemed to be very at ease with each other; more at ease than most guys their age. Again, he began to question Justin’s presence in Brian’s life and wondered how to find the answers he was looking for. He decided that now wasn’t the time; he would just have to wait until things settled down for Brian before stared asking any questions.

Brian took his time upstairs, thinking about the scene he made at his aunt’s house while standing under the hot shower letting the water washed away some of his fatigue. He was glad that Billy had stood behind him and drove them home. The last thing he wanted was to stay in the house with his family, and now he also had a chance to catch up with his favorite cousin. It had been years since they’d seen each other, although they did keep in touch by phone, calling each other every couple of months. When Brian heard the doorbell a little while later, signaling the arrival of dinner, he made his way downstairs and found Billy and Justin laughing about something in the kitchen, Chinese food spread out on the table.

“What are you two laughing about?” he asked as he sat down and joined them.

“I was just telling Justin about the time you thought you could fly and jumped off the shed with a sheet tied around your neck,” Billy said, laughing at the memory. “You’re lucky you didn’t break your neck.”

Brian tried to keep a straight face but lost the battle as memories washed over him. “Yeah, well remember the time you thought that if you ate enough spinach you would be strong like Popeye, so you ate four cans of it and only managed to make yourself sick?”

“Shit, I forgot about that. I still can’t smell that stuff without feeling nauseous.” Billy was laughing so hard he almost fell off his chair.

Justin laughed along with them, enjoying their trip down memory lane, and happy that Brian had some good times to help him through the bad. All through dinner the three of them sat in the kitchen while Billy and Brian reminisced about their childhood, until Billy stood up and stretched.

"I’m gonna go take a shower, alright?”

“Yeah, go ahead. You know where everything is,” Brian replied as he got up to clear the table.

Justin helped Brian clean up and followed him into the living room. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better. I’m sorry for being an ass earlier. I just couldn’t stand there and let them think I was some rebellious teen who ran away because he couldn’t get his own way.”

“Don’t apologize Brian, I don’t blame you. I may not know everything that went on in your life, but hearing all the stories being passed around making your parents sound like saints was starting to get to me, too. All their secrets are out in the open now and you have nothing to hide. In a few more days we can go back home and you can try to move on,” Justin said softly.

“Home…I can’t wait. Thanks again for coming out here with me.”

“Brian, that’s like the tenth time you thanked me since we landed yesterday. You don’t have to keep saying it. I told you before, there’s no where else I’d rather be,” Justin assured him, kissing him lightly in the lips.

“I guess we’ll have to sleep in separate beds tonight,” Brian sighed as he pulled Justin to him, causing the blond to straddle his thighs so they were face to face.

“I guess so. It’s going to be so lonely in that bed without you,” Justin whispered.

“Maybe I can give you something to think about while you’re all alone,” Brian replied huskily, taking Justin’s mouth in a deep kiss.

Justin felt Brian’s mouth on his and moaned at the contact before parting his lips and allowing Brian to slip his tongue inside. As it always did, their passion for one another took over and they began devouring each other, so lost in the moment that they never heard Billy coming down the stairs.

“Well, I guess this answers my question,” Billy called from the opposite side of the room, a wicked smirk on his face as he watched Justin quickly scramble off Brian’s lap. “Is there something you’ve been keeping from me, Cousin?”


End of part 11
10/19/04

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