Love Conquers All

Part 4

Justin was lying on the couch, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about all that had happened that day. Brian was as stubborn as he could be, giving Justin a hard time at every turn. He refused to let Justin help him getting in and out of the car, tried to cook his own dinner (even though Brian Kinney had never cook a meal a day in his life) and even tried to refuse help in the bathroom. Thank God he wanted to go to bed early. Justin was exhausted. All he wanted to do was to lie there and think about what had happened in the last few days to get him to where he was now. That was wishful thinking on Justin's part though, because as soon as he got comfortable his cell phone rang. Grabbing it before it woke Brian, Justin knew who it was before he even looked at the caller ID. He had been dreading this call. Taking a deep breath, Justin answered.

"Hey Ethan. Sorry I didn't call sooner. I've been pretty busy today. What's up?" The words sounded petty, even to Justin, but it was all he had. It didn't matter. Ethan had a few words of his own.

"You're sorry? What's that suppose to mean? You're sorry you didn't call? You're sorry you are living with Brian, when you should be here with me? Or are you sorry you chose me to begin with?"

Ethan knew that he was being unfair. He went into this relationship with his eyes open. He knew what he was up against. Now all he could do is keep his cool and wait to see what happened next, but he wasn't going to make it easy for them. He might not be able to keep them apart, but he wasn't going to bow out gracefully and let them pick up where they left off. Justin was going to have to be the one to end it. For now, Ethan was going to pretend like he didn't really see what was happening.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I was just worried about you. I haven't heard from you and I wasn't sure if something was wrong." Ethan said, trying to make Justin feel guilty.

Justin felt worse then ever. He was on the phone with Ethan, lying on Brian's couch, wishing he were in Brian's bed. He knew he had to end things with Ethan, only he wasn't sure how.

"It's okay. I know I'm not really being fair to you. Maybe it would be best if we were to back off for a while, just until I can get things straightened out here. I'm gonna be pretty busy for a while. When things are squared away, I'll call you and see where we stand. In the mean time, you can go out with other people and move on with your life. There’s no need for both of us to put our lives on hold. Brian’s my responsibility for now, not yours." Justin hoped that Ethan saw things as he did.

Unfortunately Ethan didn’t see things the same way. "So now you're choosing him over me? You're throwing away everything we have to take care of that cripple? What happens when he's all better and you're not enough for him anymore? You think you're gonna come running back to me? You can't have it both ways. You need to decide what you want right now. Stop playing games and decide."

Ethan didn't want to give Justin an ultimatum, but he was so upset that he would chose Brian after all that he’d been through last time. Ethan didn't go looking for Justin. Justin came after him.

"If that's the way you feel, I think it's best if we go our separate ways," Justin said, feeling tears run down his face. Even though he knew it was for the best, Justin did care about Ethan and knew he was going to miss the time they had spent together.

As the conversation continued, Brian laid awake in bed listening to Justin, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. 'They were breaking up? Trouble in paradise?' Brian thought, not really seeing this as a good thing right now; at least not at the moment. If Justin and Ethan were together there’d be a slight roadblock between them; something to consider on all those long nights ahead. Even Brian was smart enough to realize the chemistry between the two of them. The last thing Brian needed right now was to somehow get involved with Justin again. He needed to get back on his feet before he could even think about the future he might have with Justin. He didn't want Justin out of pity. Justin had to want him for him.

And what if he never got the feeling back in his legs? He didn't want Justin to be stuck with only half a man. No one even knew if Brian's dick was working. It was a subject no one even wanted to consider. Dr. Stevenson said to give it time and wait to see what happened. According to the doctor, losing feeling in the legs didn't mean losing feeling completely from the waist down. What would Justin do if Brian couldn't fuck anymore? And there was always the chance of surgery. Brian didn't want Justin to become involved with him again only to lose him on the operating table. He didn't really want to think about all of these things but he was a realist. This was a part of his life now. Maybe he couldn't express his feelings to people, but he could do what he had to protect them the best way that he could and that was what he was doing with Justin. Until he knew what his future was going to be, he had to keep his distance. Brian cleared his thoughts and listened to Justin finishing up his conversation with Ethan.

"Listen, I'll come by in a few days to get the rest of my things and we can talk then," Justin said.

Brian couldn't hear what Ethan was saying, but he knew that whatever it was, meant to hurt because he heard Justin mutter a goodbye, and then heard the sound of soft sobbing. Brian's heart broke at the sound and all thoughts of keeping his distance went right out the window.

"Justin, come here," Brian called.

The sound of his voice startled Justin and, wiping his eyes as he went, he walked into the bedroom. "I'm sorry if the phone woke you up. I shut it off so it won't ring again. Go back to sleep," Justin said, obviously trying to keep the sadness out of his voice.

"Don't worry about it. I can sleep later. What else do I have to do? Are you okay?" Brian asked with concern in his voice.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Go back to sleep. I'm going to take a short walk. Do you need anything before I go? I don't want you trying to get out of bed while I'm gone," Justin said, trying to keep his emotions to himself until he was outside.

The last thing he needed was to have Brian taunting him over the break up between him and Ethan. Justin gave up his relationship with Brian to be with Ethan, thinking he could get what he wanted from him. To admit that it had been a big mistake would be humiliating. Justin stood there looking at Brian lying in the bed they used to share and a strange feeling of sadness came over him. He needed to get out of there. He needed to clear his head. As he turned to leave he heard Brian whisper in the darkness.

“Don't go. I want you to stay here with me."

Brian was shocked at his own words. He had just decided to keep his distance for a while, and now he was trying to keep Justin from leaving him alone. 'What's the hell’s the matter with me lately? Why can't I keep my mouth shut?' Brian thought to himself. He could not believe the power Justin had over him. After six months, Justin should be out of his system, out of his heart. Apparently Justin got in further than Brian had thought.

"Why? Is something wrong? Are you in pain? Let me get you another pain pill." Justin jumped into caretaker mode, his problems with Ethan temporarily forgotten.

As Justin left the room to go get the pills, Brian thought about his options. He didn't want to give in too much. He really did want to keep his distance until he knew what the future held, yet he couldn't let Justin go for a walk knowing he was going to shed tears for an asshole that didn't deserve that kind of sadness. By the time Justin had come back to the bedroom, Brian had made his decision. Now was the time to start opening up a little. He had to start somewhere, and this seemed like the perfect time.

"Justin, I don't need a pill. What I need is for you to come over here and lay down with me. I really don't want to be alone right now!"

Justin couldn’t believe what he heard. "What? What do you mean?" He couldn't have understood Brian correctly.

Brian chuckled at the look of confusion on Justin's face. He looked so sweet. "I want you to lay down with me and keep me company. I've had a really rough week and I could use some distraction. Please?"

Hearing Brian ask for something as sentimental as company brought new tears to Justin's eyes. He couldn’t believe the look he saw in Brian's eyes. Justin couldn't label what he saw, but it was definitely an emotion he never saw in Brian's eyes before. It took everything in his power to keep from jumping in bed and curling up next to Brian for the next fifty years or so.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Brian," Justin said with more confidence then he felt.

"What's the matter, Sunshine? Afraid I can't be trusted? You have nothing to worry about. I'm a cripple now, remember? You're safe with me; unless you're afraid of yourself? What's the matter? Are you afraid you won't be able to keep your hands off me?" Brian teased.

"Brian," Justin began. “Please don't say things like that. You’re not a cripple. You just need time to heal.”

Brian felt his anger start to surface. “Why not? It's true. We don't know for sure if I'm going to heal. I could be like this for the rest of my life. You're right. This wasn't a good idea. Go on, take that walk. I don't need company. I just need to be left alone." Brian knew that he wasn't being fair to Justin, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

Justin didn't even have to think twice. He climbed into bed and tried comforting the older man, his own problems forgotten for the night.

"Brian, I know this is very hard for you. Having to depend on other people has never been your thing, but you can't let it get you down. I believe in my heart that you will get better. You just need to have a little patience, and know that I’ll be here for you for as long as you need me because I lov…"

Justin stopped, realizing what he was about to say. Now was not the time to admit to Brian that he still loved him. Justin had no doubt in his mind that he wanted Brian back, whether he got the use of his legs back or not. But first, he had to get his life in order and make sure that Brian could forgive him for what happened with Ethan.

"Go to sleep Brian. It's been a pretty busy day. I'll be right here if you need me," Justin said, as he got comfortable all the way over on the other end of the bed. Brian was right about one thing. Justin didn't trust himself. He wanted Brian more then he wanted to take his next breath. The next few weeks were going to be very long.

Brian mumbled goodnight and lay there in the dark thinking about the situation he was in. He felt really bad for yelling at Justin earlier. These days his temper seemed to be on a shorter fuse. He was going to have to work on that a little. 'Well one good thing came out of tonight,' Brian thought to himself. He may not be able to feel his legs, but he didn't lose feeling completely from the waist down. As soon as Justin crawled into his bed, Brian felt his dick start to stir. Although Brian was not happy about the way things were going, the future was definitely looking up.


End of part 4

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