Coming Out

Chapter 4

The boys settled into a routine after that. They saw each other at work everyday, spent their weekends together whenever they could, and always talked on the phone at night before they went to sleep. Things seemed to be going well. They were still taking it slow, allowing their passionate kisses to go only so far before pulling away, going home and taking cold showers. Brian was becoming a regular visitor at the Taylor household, always hanging out and staying for dinner. Justin loved having him there but was starting to wonder why he was never invited over to Brian's house. He knew that home life for Brian wasn't real pleasant, but he didn't see why he couldn't at least meet Mr. And Mrs. Kinney. He decided to ask him about it during one of their late night phone calls.

"Brian? How come you never invite me over to your house? I mean, it's okay if we spend most of the time here. My mom really likes you and I think Molly has a crush on you. I always hear her talking to her friends and giggling and I swear I hear your name. Actually, I think it's kinda cute, but it would be nice to meet your parents. We’ve been seeing each other for weeks now, and I know that you can't introduce me as your boyfriend, but don't you think that I should at least meet them?" Justin asked.

"No, I don't think you should meet them." Brian growled. That was the last thing he wanted. Life at his house had gotten worse in the last week. His father lost another job and was spending his days drinking away any money they had. He had told Justin a little bit about his life, but he left out the really bad stuff. There was no need to give him all the gruesome details.

"I'm sorry, Brian. I didn't mean to push. It's okay if you don't want them to know me. I understand," Justin replied. He felt a little put off by the tone in Brian's voice, but didn't want to make him mad. He must have had his reasons for not letting Justin come to his house.

"Look Justin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that. You just don't understand my family. They aren't like yours. They don't sit around the dinner table and discuss their day. They don't plan family outings. They don't love their kids. It's just the way things go in the Kinney household. There’s no need for you to be subjected to all the bullshit. It has nothing to do with you. It's them," Brian explained.

"It's okay, Brian. I understand. It's not a big deal, it's just that I thought that since we are together now, never mind. Forget I even said anything," Justin mumbled. He couldn't imagine what things were like for Brian, but he couldn't really believe that his parents didn't love him. They were his parents, and parents always love their children, don't they? His thoughts were interrupted by Brian's voice.

"Justin, hang on a minute. I'll be right back," Brian said as he pulled the phone away from his ear. Justin could hear him talking to someone in the background, but couldn't make out the conversation. While he waited, he thought more about Brian's reluctance to have him over to his house. He decided not to bring the subject up again. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Brian. Things between them have been good and he wanted them to stay that way.

"Hey Justin, what are you doing tomorrow night?" Brian asked.

"Um, nothing. I thought maybe we could go out and get dinner or something. Why? What did you have in mind?" Justin asked.

"I want you to come over for dinner. Be here by six, okay?" Brian said.

"Brian, look, it's okay. You don't have to do this. I didn't mean to make you feel guilty. You obviously have reasons behind not wanting me over, and I'm okay with that. I won't bring it up again. Let's just go out for dinner," Justin replied. He felt bad about pushing Brian. As long as they were together, everything was alright with the world.

"It's okay Justin. You’re right. You should meet my parents. If we’re going to have a future, then you need to know what you’re getting yourself into." Brian chuckled. "Just don't expect too much. They’re not the Taylor's." As Brian spoke, he was praying to God that his family could keep it together for one night.

"Thanks, Brian. I guess I'll see you tomorrow night. Sweet dreams."

"Yeah, sweet dreams."

The next night, as Justin was driving over to the Kinney house he couldn't stop thinking about the phone conversation from the night before. To say that Brian was reluctant to let Justin meet his parents was an understatement. 'Maybe this isn’t such a good idea' he thought to himself. Well, it was too late to worry about it now. Justin would just make the best of it and hope that the evening wouldn't turn out to be a disaster, because if it did it would be all his fault.

Brian came downstairs after his shower to find his father drunk in his chair. He knew that this was going to be a bad idea and regretted inviting Justin over in the first place. Maybe he could get his father to go lay down. That way he could just tell Justin that he wasn't feeling well and avoid the embarrassment he knew he would face once the two of them met.

"Hey Pop, why don't you go lay down for awhile? You look like you're tired." Brian suggested.

"What's it to you Sonnyboy? You afraid I'm going to embarrass you in front of your little friend? You think I don't know how to act? Don't you fucking give me your superior than thou routine. This is my house and I will do anything I damn well please." Jack slurred.

Brian knew that the only way to save himself from an evening in hell was to wait outside for Justin and drag him away before he made it inside. He went upstairs to get his shoes, hoping he had enough time to get out. Just as he was grabbing his wallet, he heard the doorbell. "Shit!" he said before heading downstairs. He found Justin in the hallway talking to his mom.

"Hey Justin. What do you say we head over to the deli for dinner instead? Save my mother the trouble of having to wait on us." Brian could hear the fear in his voice and hated Jack for putting it there.

Before Justin had a chance to reply, Joan turned to Brian and said "Don't be silly, Brian. Justin came here for dinner, and that's what he's going to get." Brian looked at his mother like she had two heads. "Brian why don't you and Justin go upstairs for a bit? Dinner is just about ready," Joan said before heading off to the kitchen.

Justin noticed how tense Brian was and felt a sinking feeling inside. "Hey Brian, is everything okay? Do you want to get out of here? I don't mind," he offered.

"Um, yeah maybe that would be best," Brian replied. Before either one of them could move towards the door, Jack appeared behind them.

"Hey Sonny boy, don't be rude. Invite your little friend in," he slurred. Brian stiffened by the voice behind him. He knew there was no way he could get out of the house without causing a scene.

"Justin, this is my father, Jack Kinney. Pop this is my friend Justin. We were just going to go upstairs and wait for dinner." As he spoke, he grabbed Justin's arm, trying to drag him upstairs. Jack stopped them.

"Don't go running off on my account. I know you think you’re better than the rest of us, with your good grades and fancy job, but you’re still a Kinney so sit your fucking ass down and talk to your dear old man."

Justin couldn't believe the way Jack was talking to his son. He was beginning to understand why Brian was so opposed to this meeting. It was obvious that Jack Kinney was drunk and Justin could feel the tension in the room between the two of them. All he could do now was hope the evening would go by quickly and pray that Brian would forgive him for even suggesting it. His thoughts were interrupted when he realized that Jack was talking to him.

"So Justin, are you in one of Brian's classes?"

"No. I go to St. James Academy,” Justin replied.

"Oh, a rich kid, uh? Let me guess, you spent your life over at that fancy country club." Jacks word were more of an accusation than an observation.

"Pop," Brian said with anger in his voice.

"It's okay Brian. Yes, I spent a lot of time there. My parents are members," Justin explained.

"Then how did you manage to get tangled up with my son?"

"We work together at Ryder Agency. You should be proud of your son. He’s very talented. Mr. Ryder is very impressed with his abilities," Justin said, feeling the need to defend Brian to his father.

"Yeah, he's talented all right. Spends his life studying and reading, thinking he's better than the rest of us. Talks about going away to some fancy fucking college. I told him it was a waste of money. Stop all those big fucking dreams he's got. He's a Kinney. He should be thinking of getting a job, getting married, and having kids that he doesn't want, just like the rest of the Kinney men," Jack slurred, taking another drink from the bottle. He’d given up the glass hours earlier.

Brian could feel the anger building inside of him. He knew that this would happen. Who was he kidding to think that he could have Justin over without his father causing a scene? He needed to do something to try to salvage the evening.

"Pop, don't you think you've had enough to drink? Why don't you go upstairs and rest for awhile?" he asked, hoping that the man would decide to go lay down so Brian could get Justin out of the house. Unfortunately, Jack was in no mood to do as Brian asked.

"What the fuck is wrong with you boy? You ashamed of your old man? You and your new little rich kid friend think you're too fucking good to be around a loser like me? Is that what you think?" Jack yelled, getting up and walking towards Brian.

Brian knew what was coming, but didn't have time to react before he felt his father's fist make contact with his left eye. Knowing Justin was there; Brian tried to get away from him but was pulled back by a hand grabbing his hair. He knew better to show weakness and fear when his father was like this so he stood still hoping that once Jack let him go, he would be able to grab Justin and get out. He felt himself being tossed across the room and into the closet door. The pain shot through his body like a knife but he took his window of opportunity while he had it. He grabbed Justin's arm and raced out the front door. He could hear Jack yelling for him to come back, but he just ran to Justin's car and jumped in. Justin got in, started up the car, and backed out of the driveway before anything else could happen.

They rode together in silence for a few minutes, both of them trying to get a grip on their emotions. Brian was used to being Jack's punching bag, especially when he was out of a job and drinking all day. He was just sorry that Justin had to witness the episode and was worried that things would change between them. He saw a look of pure fear in those blue eyes as he dragged the boy away, and knew that he made a mistake letting Justin come to his house. He sat quietly, trying to think of something to say.

Justin was driving down the street, horrified at what he had witnessed. How could a father do that to his son? His heart broke for Brian. He didn't know what to say or do to make things better. He slowly glanced over at Brian and saw him with his head back and his eyes closed. His hand holding his ribcage. Justin thought back to Brian being thrown into the closet door and realized that he might be seriously hurt. Fear washed over him and he knew he needed to find out if Brian was okay.

"Brian, do you need to go to the hospital? Are you hurt? Tell me what to do," he whispered. He wasn’t sure what he should do next.

"I'm okay. Just go to our place at the lake," Brian answered in a voice void of any emotion. He needed to talk to Justin, to be alone with him. The lake was their getaway. They’d spent a lot of time there in the last month while they were getting to know each other. Brian knew that they would be safe there. It was the one place where they could go to be themselves. Once they were parked in their spot, Brian looked Justin in the eyes and began to speak.

"Justin, I'm sorry you had to see that. I probably should’ve been completely honest with you from the beginning. My father’s an alcoholic. On days that he works, he goes to the bar with his buddies as soon as he gets off. They drink into the early morning and by the time he gets home, I'm usually asleep and he leaves me alone. But on days like this, when he's not working, he spends his day drinking. I told you before, he doesn't love his children. He regrets having to support us and hates being a father. By the end of the day his anger at the world comes out. Sometimes he passes out and everything is okay, but sometimes he doesn't; like tonight. It's not that big of a deal. I'll heal, I always do." Brian looked down at his hands, not wanting to see the look he knew was on Justin's face.

"You mean this happens a lot? Brian, you can't stay there anymore. You have to tell someone about this. Your father needs help," Justin cried, unable to understand how Brian could make it sound like it was no big deal.

"I can't tell anyone, Justin. That would just make things worse. I don't have anywhere to go. If they take me away, I'll be put into a foster home. I could end up losing my job at Ryder, losing my chances at scholarships, it could ruin my future. I won't give up my chance to get out of here. I can't," Brian answered.

"Well, maybe they could put your father away. Make him get some help." Justin's mind was racing trying to come up with options for the boy he was falling in love with.

"No. My mother doesn't work. She would lose the house. And what about my sister? I couldn't do that to them. I just couldn't. Look Justin, I know this is a lot to take in. I can imagine how scary this all must be for you. I come with a lot of baggage. I'll understand if you don't want us to see each other anymore. I wouldn't blame you for running away from me," Brian whispered, trying to keep back the tears that were threatening to spill down his cheeks.

"Oh Brian, I'm not running anywhere. It is scary, but I'm not scared for me. I'm scared for you. I don't want you going back to that house. You could get hurt really bad, or worse. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you. Please let me help you." Justin choked back a sob. His mind running through every possible solution he could think of until he realized there was one option that just might work. He started the car and pulled away from the lake, saying a silent prayer that his idea would work.

"Hey, where are we going?" Brian asked.

"Somewhere you can be safe," Justin replied.


End of part 4
5/30/03

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