Coming Out

Chapter 31

It took over a week before the doctor would release Craig from the hospital, but everyone was so happy that he was getting better that the waiting was fine with them. Once he was home Brian and Justin continued to do most of the chores but they didn't mind. Everyone was just thrilled to have him back.

Things between Brian and Justin were better than ever. Since Craig knew about their relationship they didn't have to hide anymore and were able to show their affection for one another. They still had rules regarding what they were allowed to do while in the house but that was okay with them. They were just happy that their secret was out in the open and that everyone accepted them. Unfortunately as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end and life once again managed to throw a curve into their happy little world.

One Saturday as Justin walked through the door after work he was greeted by Brian carrying an envelope and looking like he had lost his best friend.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Justin asked, kissing his boyfriend softly.

"This came in the mail for you. Why didn't you tell me?" Brian replied quietly.

Justin looked down at the envelope and saw that the return address was from Brooks College. It was an art school he had applied to months ago at the encouragement of his guidance counselor. It was in California.

"I…uh…I didn't think it was a big deal. My counselor thought it would be a good idea to send out applications to all different schools to keep my options open. It doesn't mean that I'm going to accept; or even that I got in. In fact, you can just throw it away. I'm going to PIFA, remember?" Justin assured him, trying not to think about what the letter might say.

"Don't you at least want to see if you were accepted?" Brian asked, thrusting the letter towards him.

Justin studied Brian for a moment before taking the envelope and slowly opening it. His hands were shaking as he read the letter of acceptance.

"Well?" Brian asked impatiently.

"I got in," Justin replied softly.

"I figured you did," Brian admitted sadly.

Justin could see the pain in Brian's face and needed to reassure him. As much as he would’ve loved to go to Brooks, there was no way he was going to move across the country and leave Brian behind. "It doesn't matter, Brian. I'm not going."

"What do you mean you're not going?"

"Just what I said. I'm…not…going."

"Justin, Brooks is one of the best art schools in the country. You can't turn them down."

"Watch me. Brian, I only applied to make Mr. Collins happy. I never intended to go. I'm not leaving you," Justin insisted.

"Justin, you may not have planned it, but you can't turn your back on this opportunity. I won't let you give up this chance to stay here with me," Brian demanded gently.

"But Brian…"

"We weren't going to be living together anyway, remember? I'm going to New Jersey and you were staying here. Now you'll be in California," Brian explained, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"No I won't. New Jersey in a six hour car ride. California is 3000 miles away. There's no fucking way that I'm going."

Brian sighed, taking Justin in his arms. "Please Justin, if you won't do it for yourself, then do it for me. I can't be the reason you don't get out of Pittsburgh. You have to go," Brian pleaded softly.

"Brian," Justin whispered, his eyes brimming with tears.

"Promise me."

"But…"

"Do you love me?"

"More than anything," Justin replied weakly.

"Then go to California and study hard so that you can get your ass back here. I'll be waiting," Brian assured him, hugging him tightly.

Justin couldn't say another word as tears silently ran down his face. He knew Brian was right. He'd be a fool to pass up the chance to go to Brooks, but he didn't know how he was going to live so far away from the love of his life. They held each other tight, so lost in thought that neither one of them heard Jennifer walk into the room.

"Is everything alright in here?" she asked tentatively. She’d overheard part of their conversation and was so proud of Brian for pushing Justin to go when she knew deep down that it was breaking his heart.

Brian pulled away first. "Everything's fine, Jennifer. Guess what? Justin got accepted into Brooks College."

"You did?" she exclaimed, looking at her son. "Justin, that's wonderful. I'm so proud of you." She took him in her arms, noticing the sad look on his face.

"Thanks Mom," Justin replied as he pulled away. "I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. I'll be down soon for dinner."

Jennifer watched her son walk upstairs before looking back at Brian. "Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm so happy for him. Brooks doesn't take just anyone. It's an honor to be accepted," Brian replied with a fake smile.

"Brian, I overheard you. I know you pushed him to go. I also know how hard that must’ve been for you. Thank you for putting his future above your own feelings," she said softly.

"I love him, Jennifer. My feelings aren't important. While he's in the shower, why don't I help you with dinner?" Brian asked, needing to change the subject before he lost what little bit of control he had left.

"Now that's an offer I'd never refuse," Jennifer teased, sensing Brian's need to keep busy.

An hour later they all sat down at the dinner table. Justin's future was the main topic of conversation. Jennifer could see the sadness in both Brian and Justin's face, and her heart went out to them, but she knew that they needed to find a way to come to terms with their new situation on their own. After dinner everyone sat around in the living room and watched a movie before bed and Justin didn't get a chance to talk to Brian alone until everyone was settled for the night. He quietly made his way down the hall and lightly tapped on Brian's door before entering.

"Hey, got a minute?"

"For you? I've got all the time in the world," Brian replied with a smile.

"Did you mean what you said? Are you really going to wait for me?" Justin asked cautiously.

"Of course I meant it. I love you, Justin. Your moving to California is not going to change that. We might not see each other as often, but it's not like we'll never see each other again. You have to do what's best for you. Whatever it is, we'll find a way to work it out. Understand?"

"I love you too, Brian. God, when I filled out those applications I never imagined that I would be accepted. I don't know what I'm going to do without you," Justin admitted tearfully.

Brian swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. He needed to be strong for the blond or he would never walk away. "Hey…you’ll never be without me. I'm always going to be here for you. Remember that, okay?"

"Me too," Justin choked out, throwing him arms around Brian and hugging him tight.

Brian could feel his control slipping and knew he needed to get Justin out of his room before he broke down and begged him to stay. "Okay, enough of this. We have to get up early tomorrow, remember? We told Daphne and Cynthia that we'd pick them up at nine. Besides, we still have six more months until you leave. Let's not spend it worrying about school. Now get out of here and let me get my beauty rest," he teased.

"Like you need it. You're already beautiful," Justin replied honestly. "Good night, Brian. I love you."

"I love you, too. Sleep well," Brian said, kissing Justin softly.

Justin took one more look at Brian before walking back to his room. Once he was alone in his bed he let the tears fall, thinking about what would happen when the time came for him to leave. He prayed to God that he would be strong enough to walk away and leave Brian behind.

Brian waited until he heard Justin's door close before he gave into the tears that had been threatening to fall all night. When he’d gotten the mail earlier, the first thing he noticed was the letter addressed to him from Carnegie Mellon and he wasted no time in tearing into it. His heart soared when he saw that he had been accepted on a full scholarship. He hadn't told Justin that he had applied, unsure if he would be able to get in. The scholarship at Princeton had been a done deal and he needed to go wherever the money was. It had been Ryder's idea for him to apply to Carnegie, offering to keep him on part time and work around his classes. It had sounded like the perfect plan since he didn't want to be away from Justin.

His happiness had been short lived though when he had seen the letter from Brooks. Somehow he’d known right away what was inside and a cold sense of dread filled his heart while he waited for Justin to get home from work. It had taken everything in him to encourage Justin to go and now that he knew that they only had six months left together before being separated for God knows how long, his heart was slowly breaking. He just hoped that when the time came to say good bye he would be strong enough to survive.

The next morning both Brian and Justin dragged themselves out of bed after very little sleep and managed to make it out of the house on time. They had made plans with the girls the week before to go snowboarding out at Ryder's cabin, and even though neither one of them were in the mood to be social, they didn't want to disappoint their friends.

Daphne and Cynthia noticed some tension between the guys right away, but neither of them said a word as they made their way to the cabin. When they reached their destination, Brian and Justin went to the shed to retrieve the boards giving the girls a moment to talk.

"What do you think is wrong with them?" Cynthia asked immediately once they were out of earshot.

"I don't know, but whatever it is it can't be good. Neither one of them look like they slept much last night. Why don't you get Brian alone and I'll get Justin and we can find out what happened?" Daphne replied with concern.

"Sounds good to me. It's obvious that something’s wrong and I hate to see them like this."

Their conversation was halted when Brian and Justin returned with the boards. It took about an hour, but the girls managed to separate themselves enough so they could talk to their friends.

"Justin, is everything alright? You don't seem like yourself today," Daphne questioned hesitantly.

"Yeah, everything's just peachy," Justin replied sarcastically.

Daphne didn't like the tone of his voice. "Bullshit Taylor, now out with it? Are you and Brian having problems?"

Justin thought about denying there was a problem, but he knew that Daphne would never believe him anyway, so he figured he might as well tell her what happened.

"Daphne, remember how Mr. Collins had us send out all those college applications a few months ago?"

"Yeah, I thought he was crazy at the time, but he said that it's always best to keep my options open."

"Well, I got an acceptance letter from Brooks College in the mail yesterday. It's one of the best art schools in the country."

"Justin, that's great! I'm so proud of you. I always knew that you were talented," Daphne exclaimed with excitement for her friend. "But that doesn't explain why you seem so upset."

"It's in California," he sighed.

"California? Wow, that's…oh," Daphne replied as realization sunk in. "What are you going to do?"

"I wanted to throw the letter out. I wasn't even going to open it, but Brian got the mail while I was at work and figured out what it was. He not only made me open it, but he made me agree to go," he explained sadly.

Daphne could see the pain in Justin's eyes and her heart went out to him. She knew immediately how much she would miss him while he was away and could only imagine how hard it would be on Brian and Justin. She wasn't sure what to say to help him.

"Maybe it won't be that bad," she offered encouragingly.

"Not that bad? How do you figure that? God Daph, I miss him during the day while he's at work. How am I going to move 3000 miles away and still be able to breathe? I couldn't even imagine how we were going to survive with him being in New Jersey, but at least we were going to be in the same time zone. I don't think I'll make it without him," Justin cried, hating the sound of despair in his voice.

"Did you try to explain that to him?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Of course I did. He told me that we’d find a way to get through it. He said he couldn't let me give up the opportunity to go, and that if I wouldn't go for myself, then I had to do it for him. I agreed because I’d do anything for him, but my heart is in a million pieces right now and it's only going to get worse once I leave. The thought of going to school so far away from my friends and family is scary enough, but to go without Brian? I don't know if I can do it."

"It sounds to me as if you don’t have a choice. He's right, you know. You can't give up this chance just to stay here with him. You could end up regretting it, and him, if you did," she said softly.

"I’d never regret staying here with him, but you're right. I don't have a choice. Now I have to spend the next six months figuring out how to say good bye to the one person I never want to say good bye to. My senior year is supposed to be the best year of my life and it's turning into the worst."

"I wish there was something I could say or do to make this easier for you. Just remember that I'm here if you ever need to talk."

"Thanks Daphne. I'm sure I'll be taking you up on that offer," Justin said with a weak smile.

Once Cynthia got Brian alone, which wasn't easy, she immediately asked him what was wrong.

"I got my acceptance letter from Carnegie Mellon in the mail yesterday," Brian replied sadly. Cynthia was the only other person besides Ryder that knew he applied and why.

"That's great. Now you can stay in Pittsburgh with Justin. So why are you so down?" she asked.

"That wasn't the only acceptance letter that came yesterday. Justin got one from Brooks College in California," he explained.

"California? I didn't know he applied there."

"Neither did I. Apparently his counselor encouraged him to apply to different art schools, telling him to keep his options open. Brooks College is one of the best in the country," he replied dryly.

"Wow, that's impressive. But he's not going, right? I mean, he planned on going to PIFA," she pointed out.

"Cynthia, I can't let him stay here with me when he’s been accepted at Brooks. That wouldn't be fair to him. He needs to do what's best for his future. Besides, it's not like we planned on being together anyway."

"Yeah, but now you're staying here."

"But he doesn't know that," Brian admitted.

"You didn't tell him?" she asked incredulously.

"Of course not, and I don't plan on telling him until it's too late to change his plans. I knew that if I told him I would never get him to go…and he has to go. It's what's best for him."

"But what about you?"

"What I want doesn't matter. I love him Cynthia, and I want him to have the best possible life that he can have. A degree from Brooks can give him that; and it's only for four years. After he graduates, he can come back and we can live the life we've been planning together," he said, not sure who he was trying to convince, Cynthia or himself.

"But what if he doesn't want to come back? What if he makes a life for himself out there and decides to stay?" Cynthia knew she wasn't being very helpful, but she loved Brian dearly and wanted what was best for him. She could see how much he was hurting and wanted to smack Justin upside the head for agreeing to go.

"Don't you think I've thought about that? It scares me to death to think that he might not come home to me, but I can't worry about that right now. All I can do is be strong and keep encouraging him to follow his dreams. Once he's gone I'll have four years to worry about facing the fact that I might one day lose him for good."

"Oh Brian," Cynthia whispered.

"Let's go find the others. I only have six months left with Justin and I want to make the most of it," Brian replied, brushing away the dampness at his eyes before going off in search of his boyfriend, leaving Cynthia behind to mourn for him.

End of part 31
8/02/04

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