Coming Out

Chapter 3

Starting out gentle and warm, the kiss quickly turned into something so much more. Justin, feeling Brian's tongue seeking entrance, parted his lips to allow access. In all his life, he had never experienced this kind of passion and he felt overwhelmed as to what to do next. As much as he was enjoying what was happening, he knew he had to stop before it got any more out of hand. Needing to clear his head, he gently pulled back, regretting the absence of those wonderful lips.

“Brian. We can’t do this right now,” he said with regret in his voice.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t mean to upset you. Maybe you should just take me to that bus stop now,” Brian replied.

He hadn’t meant to scare Justin off. Would this mean the end before they even started? God, why couldn’t he seem to think clearly when this boy was around? It was just so startling to find out that Justin was like him. That maybe there was a chance for them to be together. Did he blow it? It was just so new to him, these feelings he was having. Ever since he figured out that he was different, all that he could think about was sex. He never once had any thoughts of anything more. Then Justin showed up and everything changed. For the first time in his life he felt that maybe there was more to life then sex. His feelings towards Justin were new territory and he didn’t know what to make of it all. He should have just taken the time to think things through before acting on anything. Now he scared the boy off and he’ll never know what could have been. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Justin’s voice.

“No Brian, I’m sorry. It’s just that this is all so new to me. I never planned on acting on my feelings until I was far away from here. I’m just so confused. The kiss was incredible. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I just need to take a step back and think about this. I need to know what you’re thinking. What I’m thinking. I don’t want to be just some one night stand,” he whispered. He feared he might push Brian away, but he needed to know what was going on in his head. Scared of what he was feeling, he needed to work some of it out before they went any further, if they went further.

“I don’t think of you as a one night stand. Look Justin, I need to be honest with you. I’ve known that I was gay since I was in seventh grade. It wasn’t easy to accept, but I knew that there was no way I could live my life as a breeder. I didn’t act on anything until I was fourteen. I gave my first blow job to my gym teacher. The next day, he acted like nothing happened. I realized that day that fags are different. They will suck or fuck anyone without a second thought. From that moment on, I decided to keep emotions out of my life. If you don’t feel anything, you won’t get hurt. For the last three years, I went about my life not caring about anyone or anything except getting out of here. All that changed the minute I met you. You made me feel things I didn’t want to feel. I spent the last two nights lying in bed thinking about you; hoping that we could be friends even though I thought you were straight. When you told me you were gay, I felt like I’d won the lottery. You wanted to know what I was thinking. That’s it,” Brian said, unable to believe that he had just poured his heart out to someone.

“Wow, Brian. I don’t know what to say. Everything seems to be happening so fast. I haven’t been able to think about anything but you either. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I didn’t think I’d have to deal with this stuff for awhile. Like I said, I was content to keep this part of my life to myself until I went away to school. Now here it is, right in front of me, and I don’t know what to say or do,” Justin answered honestly. He was so confused. He knew he really liked Brian, that wasn’t in question. The question was whether he had the courage to do anything about it. Could he open himself up to this? It terrified him to think about being with another man. He knew he was gay, but he was also raised to think that it was wrong. Could he cross the line and allow himself to experience what Brian had to offer? This one decision would change his life. “I’m scared,” he whispered.

Brian took Justin in his arms and whispered back. “It’s okay. I’m scared too. But if you want me half as much as I want you, we can work something out. We can do it together. I don’t know what the future will hold for us, but I do know that we’ll probably regret it if we don’t give it a try. We’ll go slow, just let things happen. I don't want to rush you into anything. Let's get to know each other and see what happens, okay?"

"Thanks Brian." Justin replied.

They spent the next two hours together, looking out over the lake and getting to know each other. They talked about school, what their favorite movies were, what colleges they were planning on applying to. They felt so comfortable just being together, shutting out the rest of the world. Time flew by and before they knew it the night was almost over. Justin had to be home by midnight. He hated to see the evening end. He couldn’t remember a time when he felt as happy as he did tonight. "Brian, as much as I hate to say this, I have to be home by twelve. I wish the night didn't have to end," he said softly.

Brian could hear the disappointment in Justin's voice. "Justin, the night may be ending, but we’re just beginning. I meant what I said before; I want us to give this thing a try. We owe it to ourselves. We’ll take it slow and see where we end up. We have the whole summer to get to know each other," Brian replied.

"That sounds wonderful," Justin responded as he gently touched Brian's cheek. Brian felt the heat from the simple touch and turned his head to kiss Justin’s palm. Not wanting to scare the boy he controlled the passion he felt at the touch. He wanted to take Justin in his arms but he’d promised to go slow and didn’t want to push him. Justin could see the look of hunger in the hazel eyes staring back at him. He suddenly felt drawn to those beautiful lips and leaned in to take them in a soft kiss. What started as a gentle touch of lips quickly escalated into a kiss filled with passion and longing. Brian could feel his pants tighten and knew he needed to put a stop to this before it got anymore out of control. As much as he wanted the boy in his arms, he knew he had to take things slow. This was all so new to Justin and he wanted to do the right thing. Brian slowly pulled back and looked into Justin’s face to see a look of confusion. It took all of his willpower to say his next words.

“Justin, we have to stop this. I said we could go slowly, but I have to be honest. I want you so bad that if this continues, I don’t know if I will be able to control myself,” he chuckled.

“Oh, sorry.” Justin blushed. “I guess we should get going. I’ll drive you home,” he paused. “Will I see you tomorrow? Maybe we could get some lunch, or something. I mean...if you want to...unless you have plans already,” Justin asked, suddenly feeling self conscious. He didn’t want to seem too eager, but the thought of having to wait until Monday to see Brian drove him crazy.

Brian chuckled at the insecurity he heard in Justin's voice. "Oh you’ll definitely see me tomorrow. Why don’t you call me when you get home and we can decide what we want to do tomorrow?” Brian didn’t want the night to end. He’d never felt like this before and he didn’t want the feeling to end. He planned on going home, taking a cold shower and climbing into bed to await his call from Justin. He was hoping that talking to the boy before bed would help him sleep. Sleep hasn’t come easily for him since he had met Justin and now that he knew they were going to be together, he hoped it would help to stop the thoughts that have been filling his head.

Brian had just settled in bed when the phone rang.

“Hey,” he answered on the first ring.

“Hey.”

“Are you all tucked in for the night?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, you?”

“Just climbed in. So, what would you like to do tomorrow? Anything special in mind?”

“Well, there’s this new art exhibit downtown that I wanted to see, but if you don’t want to go there it’s okay. Anything you want to do is fine,” Justin replied.

“Justin, if you want to go to the exhibit, that’s fine. We can leave in the morning to go see the art, and then grab something to eat. Maybe even catch a movie when we’re done,” Brian suggested.

“That sounds great. I had a really good time tonight, Brian. It was nice to be able to be myself and not have to hide my feelings. Thank you.”

“I had a really good time, too. What time should I expect you tomorrow?” Brian asked.

“Around nine? That should give us time to get to the gallery before it gets too crowded,” Justin said.

“Sounds good. I guess I’ll see you in the morning. Sweet dreams, Justin.”

“Sweet dreams, Brian.”

Justin picked Brian up at nine the next morning. They went to the gallery and Brian found himself enjoying the show through Justin’s eyes. Then they had lunch in a small out of the way diner off route 22 and spent the afternoon together in the balcony of a movie theater, paying more attention to each other then the movie on the screen. Time was moving too fast though, and before they knew it the day was over. Neither one of them wanted the magical day to end. They ended up back in the car at the lake, trying to hold on to the day for just a little while longer.

“I guess the day is over” Justin said as his thoughts drifted over the time they spent together. He couldn’t remember having such a wonderful day before. Brian was everything he had hoped he would be. They talked and laughed and gotten to know each other a little better. Everything was perfect. He looked up to see Brian staring at him with hunger in his eyes. The look sent shivers down his spine. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Justin whispered.

“I was just thinking about how beautiful you are. Look Justin, my life hasn’t been easy. My parents tolerate me because they have to, and I spend my days trying to stay out of their way. My only thoughts have been about getting out of here and on with my life. Now here you are, giving me something to look forward to when I wake up. I want you to know that in the last few days you have become very important to me. Thank you for giving me that.” Brian took Justin in his arms, needing to feel the warmth of his body. He was almost overwhelmed by the emotions that he was experiencing. He felt Justin start to pull back and before he had a chance to respond, he felt soft lips on his own. The kiss was innocent and sweet and as much as Brian wanted to turn it into more, he thought again about the promise he made to go slow. He wondered how many cold showers a guy could take.

Justin pulled back, a little shaken by the words Brian had said to him. "Well, I guess we should get going. I'm going out with my parents tomorrow so I guess we won't see each other till Monday." The sadness he felt was obvious in his voice.

As disappointed as Brian was by the thought of having to go a day without seeing Justin, he realized it was probably a good thing. He didn't know how he was going to find the willpower to keep their time together simple when all he wanted was to sink himself into Justin and never leave. Shaking those thoughts out of his head while he still had some control left, he smiled at Justin.

"Will you miss me?" he chuckled to lighten the mood.

"I’ll think of nothing else while we are apart," Justin teased even though he new he spoke the truth. Justin started the car and drove Brian home, wishing there was some way to prolong the night. As he pulled up in the driveway, Brian leaned over and gave him a quick kiss before jumping out of the car.

"Don't forget to call me when you get home. I like being the last one you talk to before you go to sleep," he said.

"I like that, too!" Justin replied before Brian shut the door and went into his house. "I like that more then you’ll ever know," he said out loud to himself before driving away.


End of part 3

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