Coming Out

Chapter 27

Two weeks had passed since the accident and everyone was starting to settle into a routine. Jennifer had been moved into a long term care facility, where she was recovering quickly, much to the shock of the doctors. Craig was still in a coma, but the doctors were still optimistic that he would regain consciousness. Brian and Justin were managing to handle taking care of the house and Molly, although they were both exhausted by the added pressures of their everyday lives. Brian could sense that Justin was holding back some of his emotions, but couldn’t seem to get him to open up, so he chose to let him take things at his own pace. They always spent the night together since Molly knew the truth. Brian just hoped that one night Justin would let loose and share his feelings.

Justin was walking out of school one day when Jason caught up to him. "Hey Justin! I've been trying to talk to you for weeks now, but you keep taking off before I get a chance. I'm sorry about your parents. How’re they doing?"

"Okay, I guess. My mom is doing better now. She's learning how to get along in her wheelchair so that she can come home to finish recovering. My Dad is still in a coma, but the doctors still think he might be okay. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm blowing you off, but I have to get home everyday for my sister. She needs someone to be there after school," Justin explained. Before he could say good bye, his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Justin. Is it alright if I go to Kelly's house after school? I can take her bus home and her Mom will drive me home around seven," Molly asked.

"I...I guess so. Is Kelly's phone number on the refrigerator at home?" Justin asked, somewhat relieved that he didn't have to race home and play Dad.

"Yes, thanks Justin. I'll see you later. I love you," Molly replied. Ever since the accident, she and Justin began telling each other how they felt, realizing how quickly everything could be taken away.

"Love you too, Molly. I'll see you tonight," Justin replied, disconnecting his phone and looking at Jason. "I guess she doesn't need me today."

"Good. It sounds like you could use a little time away from responsibility. How about we rent a movie and veg out in front of the TV?" Jason suggested. He hated seeing his friend so sad and tired looking.

Justin thought for a moment. Since Molly didn't need him, he really should go to work. Ryder had been great, letting him come in whenever he wasn't needed at home, but at that moment, all Justin wanted to do was forget his troubles. "Sounds good. You can follow me in your car."

During the ride home, Justin contemplated calling Brian and telling him about his change of plans, but decided not to say anything. Brian still didn't like his friendship with Jason and Justin didn't want to upset him. Once they reached the house, they grabbed some drinks and headed to the family room. They ordered a movie off cable and made themselves comfortable. About fifteen minutes into the movie, Jason spoke.

"Have you ever smoked pot?"

"No. I don't do drugs," Justin replied, looking at Jason with a shocked expression.

"Pot isn't really a drug. In fact, one day I wouldn't be surprised to find out that they legalized it. I have a joint if you want to try it," Jason offered, hoping to relax his friend.

"I don't think..."

"It’ll relax you. Take away some of the stress you've been under lately," Jason encouraged.

Justin thought about it for a minute. He could use a little time to relax. Ever since the accident he had been running around in circles, trying to do everything that needed to be done, plus keep up with his school work. He was completely exhausted.

"Okay, I guess."

Jason reached for his jacket and pulled out the joint and a lighter. He lit up and took a long hit before handing it to Justin. "Take a long hit and hold it in for a minute," He explained.

Justin did as Jason told him to, and began choking. Jason just said that the first hit did that sometimes, so he took another one, this one going down smooth. They passed the joint back and forth, and in minutes Justin started feeling a lot more relaxed. In fact, he was feeling pretty good.

"Wow! This stuff is great!" Justin exclaimed, bursting out in laughter.

"I told you it was good. Why would I lie to you?" Jason replied.

The two of them finished the joint, both of them laughing at nothing in particular. For the next hour they sat side by side and giggled about everything from what teachers they liked or didn't, to what they wanted in the future. Jason was the one who turned the situation more serious.

"Do you love Brian?"

Justin didn't know where the question came from, but he already knew his answer. "Yes I do. With all my heart."

"But doesn't it bother you that you’re only eighteen and already settled down with one person? Shouldn't you be keeping your options open?" Jason pushed.

"What options? Jason, I don't even know anyone else who’s gay. It's not like there are a lot of guys to choose from," Justin replied, wondering what brought all this on.

"There's one," Jason whispered, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on Justin's lips.

Justin was startled by the kiss. He knew it was wrong and that he should pull away, but all rational thoughts slipped away as he pulled Jason closer. He heard Jason moan as he felt his lips part. Taking advantage of the moment, Justin slipped his tongue inside the warm mouth. As the kiss deepened, Justin allowed his hands to roam over Jason's body, sliding them under his shirt and feeling his warm skin. He felt his cock jump in response and knew that he needed more. He let one of his hands travel down and cupped the growing bulge that was begging for attention. Pulling on the buttons there, it only took a moment before Justin's hand was wrapped around Jason's naked cock. He pulled back and looked Jason in the eye.

"Have you ever been with anyone before?" Justin asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, but I want it to be you," Jason admitted, grabbing Justin's cock through his jeans.

"Jason, we shouldn't..."

Jason wouldn't let him finish. He attacked his mouth with all the passion that he felt. He knew if he gave Justin time to think, he would think about Brian and pull away. Jason had wanted this ever since he found out Justin was gay and didn't want to lose his opportunity. He opened Justin's jeans and grabbed his leaking shaft, wanting to give his friend pleasure.

As soon as Justin felt Jason's hand on his dick, he knew he was lost. His mind was cloudy from the pot, and he couldn't seem to think straight. Within minutes, both of them were naked and lying on the couch, hands roaming everywhere. Their cocks were grinding together and neither one of them heard the front door open.

Brian had gotten out of work early for a change. He was exhausted from all the events that had taken place in the last couple of weeks. Ryder noticed a change in him. He confronted Brian earlier and told him to take the rest of the week off to get some rest and to be back the following Monday. Brian didn't need to be told twice. He raced home, wanting to spend some extra time with his favorite blond. He entered the house quietly, hoping to surprise Justin, but he was the one to receive the surprise. He walked into the family room to find Justin and Jason naked together, oblivious to his presence.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Justin heard Brian's voice and jumped up, his heart racing at the surprise. He looked at Brian and could see the pain that was written all over his face. He looked down at Jason and knew in an instant that he had made a huge mistake.

"Brian, this isn't..." Justin stopped as he watched Brian turn and walk away. He heard the front door slam and the sound of tires screeching as the jeep pulled away. He was overcome with guilt and self hatred and dropped down into the nearest chair. "What have I done?"

"Justin, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have..."

"Just get your things and go," Justin replied without emotion.

"But, Justin..."

"Get out!" Justin exclaimed, grabbing his clothes and walking upstairs. He stood in his bedroom until he heard the front door close. Then he went to take a shower. The high that he’d felt earlier was now gone and all he felt was pain and regret for what he’d allowed to happen. Brian didn't trust people easily, and had been hurt by everyone close to him all of his life, and now Justin was no better than the rest of them. How could he have let this happen? Standing under the shower, he allowed the tears to fall, hoping that he could find a way to make this up to Brian.

Brian drove down the street, tears running down his face, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. The one person in his life that he trusted had betrayed him in the worst way, and he didn't know what to do next. He found himself at their special place and shut off the engine, sitting there in the silence. He heard his cell phone ring, but refused to answer it, knowing who it would be. Time past by unnoticed, and before he knew it, the clock read after midnight. He looked at his phone to see 22 missed calls, then tossed it back on the seat and started the jeep. He slowly drove back home, unsure of what to do next. He had hoped that Justin would be asleep when he got there, but he should have known better. The blond was sitting up waiting for him.

"Where have you been? I've been calling you and you never even answered the phone!" Justin exclaimed, relieved to see that Brian was alright. He had visions of Brian lying dead somewhere and was about to call the police.

"You don't have a right to ask me that anymore. I was out!" Brian barked, his voice holding every drop of anger he felt.

"Brian, don't say that. I'm sorry about what you saw earlier, but it was a mistake. It didn't mean anything," Justin explained, hoping to get through to Brian.

"Apparently, I don't mean anything, either," Brian said quietly, desperately trying to hold back his emotions.

"Brian, that's not true! You mean everything to me! I love you!" Justin cried, scared by Brian's reactions.

"Don't say that! Don't ever say that again! I believed you once, but never again!" Brian exclaimed, turning his back on Justin and heading up the stairs. He needed to get away; needed to be alone to figure out what to do next. He couldn't live in the house anymore. Every time he walked into the family room, he would be reminded of what he saw there. He wouldn't be able to forget the images that were invading his mind. He walked into his room, looking around at all the drawings that Justin had made for him, and felt his heart break a little more. He wasn't sure how he was going to go on without his Sunshine in his life. He threw himself down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, knowing that sleep would be a long time coming.

Justin watched Brian walk away and couldn't stop the sobs that came. He couldn't stand seeing the pain in those hazel eyes, knowing that he was the one who put it there. How could he have let this happen? How could he have hurt the one person he loved most of all? He was glad that he had called Kelly's mother and asked her to keep Molly for the night. It was usually something that was forbidden on a school night, but under the circumstances, Justin felt it would be better if Molly wasn't in the house. He’d driven over to the house to drop off clothes earlier, and Molly immediately knew something was wrong.

"Is it Mom or Dad? Did something happen to them?" Molly asked in a panic.

"Oh, God no. I'm sorry Molly. It has nothing to do with them," Justin assured her.

"Then why am I staying here tonight?" She asked, relieved to know that her parents were okay.

"Brian and I kind of had a fight."

"So? You guys have fought before," Molly pointed out.

"Not like this, Mol. This is pretty bad. I did something really stupid and Brian stormed out. Now he won't answer the phone and I don't know where he is," Justin admitted, feeling the need to share his concern with someone. He and Molly had gotten closer since she told Brian she knew about them and Justin felt comfortable talking to her, although he wasn't about to tell her what he did.

"Justin! What did you do? You need to fix this. I love Brian and I don't want to lose him because you are a jerk!" Molly exclaimed, obviously upset by their fight.

"Molly!"

"I'm sorry, Justin. You know I love you, too. It's just that you will always be my brother, but if you and Brian aren't together anymore, I could lose him, too." Molly explained, trying to make Justin understand.

"Don't worry, Molly. I’m going to do everything I can to make things right again," Justin assured her, wishing he could feel as confident as he sounded.

"You better," Molly replied, hugging her bother before taking her stuff back into the house.

Coming back to the present, Justin shut off all of the lights and locked up the house before heading upstairs to go to bed. He paused at Brian's door and laid a hand on it, as if he could somehow feel closer to the man just by the touch. Shaking his head, he walked to his room and threw himself on his bed. His thoughts went back to everything that had happened over the last few weeks and he started sobbing quietly at the mess his life had become. He continued to sob until exhaustion took over and he drifted off to sleep, feeling lonelier than ever.

Brian woke up as the alarm went off and realized that he had only been asleep for a couple of hours. He wanted to stay in bed, but knew he couldn't miss school. His future was too important to screw up now. Thinking about his future caused him to realize that everything had changed the day before. His future was supposed to be about him and Justin being together, but that wasn't an option anymore. He needed to think about what his next move was going to be. He pushed away his thoughts and got out of bed, heading to the shower. The water helped to revive him a bit and he got dressed and grabbed his books before heading downstairs. He found Justin in the kitchen staring into space. He could see the dark circles under his eyes and felt his heart breaking for him, but couldn't make himself offer comfort.

"Hey," Justin said softly. "I think we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about, Justin. It's over," Brian replied, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Don't say that, Brian. It doesn't have to be over. I said I was sorry. It was an accident. I never meant to hurt you," Justin assured him, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"But you did, Justin. You hurt me more than you’ll ever know and I don't think I can forgive you for that. What you did was a thousand times worse than what my parents did to me. At least they never claimed to love me. You did," Brian replied.

"I do love you, Brian," Justin said, rising to stand before him. He reached out a hand to touch his face and flinched when Brian pulled back.

"Don't! Don't say that you love me and don't touch me. I've got to get to school. I'll find a place to live as soon as I can and be out of here," Brian said, turning to leave.

"You're leaving? Why?" Justin asked in shock. He never thought that he would want to move out.

"There's nothing left for me here," Brian replied before walking out the door without looking back.

Justin sank down in the chair and placed his head in his hands and cried, his thoughts replaying the same thing over and over again. What have I done?

End of part 27
1/25/04

Return to Coming Out