Coming Out

Chapter 14

One month had passed since the night of the barbeque and so far things were pretty good at the Taylor house. Brian and Justin’s love for each other continued to grow, although they still kept things to themselves, never allowing Jennifer to see that side of their relationship. Even though she knew they were together, they felt uncomfortable being themselves when she was around. The summer was coming to an end and the boys were looking forward to their senior year. Ryder was very impressed by Justin’s talent and offered to keep him on as an assistant in the art department. Everything seemed to be falling into place until Brian got a call from his sister.

“Hello, Taylor residence,” Brian answered.

“Brian? It’s Claire,” She sobbed into the phone.

“Claire? What’s the matter?” Brian asked, worried by the sound of Claire’s tears.

“It’s Mom,” she cried, unable to go any further.

“Claire, stop crying for two minutes and tell me what happened!” Brian demanded. He always hated his sister’s drama princess routine.

“She…sh…she had a stroke!” She wailed into the phone.

Brian stood frozen by fear by the news. His mother had a stroke? She could die and then what? He couldn’t think clearly with so many thoughts going through his head.

“Claire, where is she? What do the doctors say? Is she going to be okay?” Brian asked as he reached for his sneakers. He needed to get to her. Things may have been bad at home, but she was still his mother and he needed to be there for her.

“She’s at Allegheny General. Are you coming?” She asked, finally able to stop her crying.

“Yeah, I’m on my way.” Brian replied as he grabbed his jacket. At the last minute he stopping to write a note. No one was home and he didn’t want them to worry about him.

“I’ll meet you in the lobby. Hurry!” She exclaimed before disconnecting the call.

Brian finished writing the note and took off on his bike. His mind raced with all the things he’d never said to his mother. He prayed that she would be okay. He realized that he wanted a chance to try to make amends. He just hoped he would have that chance.

When Brian reached the hospital he found Claire waiting for him by the main entrance.

“How is she?” Brian asked, afraid to hear that she didn‘t make it.

“She’s stable. The doctors said it was a mild stroke. She’s going to be okay, but she’ll have to take it easy for awhile. Brian, I was so scared,” Claire replied, throwing herself into his arms.

“It’s okay, Claire. Calm down. Is Dad in with her?” He asked He wanted to see her for himself, but he definitely didn’t want to run into his father.

“No, he went out…to get a drink,” She answered cautiously.

“Of course he did! Fucking bastard! His wife’s in the hospital after having a stroke. Where else would he be?” Brian asked rhetorically.

“Brian, that’s not fair. You know Daddy…” she tried to explain.

“Save it Claire. I’m not in the mood for one of your praise Daddy speeches. I’m going in to see her. What room is she in?” He asked as he headed towards the elevator.

“She’s in room 312. Just try not to upset her. She needs rest right now. I’m going to go get something to eat. I’ll meet you there,” Claire answered.

When Brian found room 312, he walked inside. He was overcome with a mixture of emotions as he saw his mother attached to so many wires. He quietly approached the bed, knowing that he needed to try to make things right. He didn’t want to live his life with regrets, wondering if he could have done anything different to fix his relationship with his mother. He took her hand in his and felt the tears that he’d been holding back start to run down his face.

“Mom? Are you awake? It’s me, Brian,” he said, hesitantly.

Joan’s eyes fluttered open, but seemed unfocused as she tried to speak.

“Bri…Brian? Is that really you?” She whispered.

“Yeah, it’s me. How’re you feeling? Can I get you anything?” He asked, not sure of what to say. There were so many things that needed to be said, but he wasn’t sure that this was the time.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I want…” she stopped, as if trying to talk was taking all of her strength.

“Mom, it’s okay. Don’t try to talk right now. You seem pretty weak. We can talk later. You need your rest,” Brian said softly. He wanted to talk to her, but she seemed too weak to hold a conversation. He could wait a day or two before saying his peace.

“No, Brian…I want to talk…now. Please, just give me a minute,” she pleaded.

Ever since she realized that the pain she was experiencing was more than just indigestion, she knew she needed to set things right with her son. She wouldn’t admit it to Jack, but she missed having Brian at home. He’d always been her favorite. That was one of the problems Jack had with him. When Joan found out she was pregnant with Brian, she had been thrilled; until Jack found out and demanded that she have an abortion. She refused to go against her beliefs and harm her child. That was when Jack changed. He started drinking more, always accusing her of loving the baby more then him, and refusing to acknowledge his son as his.

As time went on things just got worse. She learned not to show too much affection towards her son. She was afraid of making Jack even angrier then he already was. She spent many nights wondering if she should just pack up her kids and leave, getting them away from the monster he had become, but she had nowhere to go. In the eyes of God, her place was with her husband and she couldn’t just walk away. She was weak and Brian was the one who suffered from her weakness. Now, after everything that happened, Brian was there by her bedside. She was finally going to get her chance to try to make up for the pain she had caused.

“Brian, I’m sorry. I…I should have protected you…I should have stood up to your father. It’s just that he’s so angry at the world and his drinking…maybe if you came home, we could work it out,” Joan suggested, hoping that Jack would understand how important it was to have Brian home again. They needed to try to put their family back together again.

“Mom, I want to come back home, but I can’t live there and continue to be his punching bag. I’m almost a man now. I won’t live in fear, always wondering what is going to set him off. I shouldn’t have to. I need to know that I’ll be safe. Can you promise me that? Can you promise me that I won’t end up in the hospital the next time Jack has too much to drink?” Brian cried, wanting to believe that things would be different.

Before Joan had a chance to answer, Jack barged into the room reeking like alcohol and cigarettes. When Brian looked at him, his breath caught in his throat at the pure hatred he saw reflected back at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here? You aren’t welcome here. Go back to where ever it is you came from. You’re dead to us!” Jack slurred.

“Jack, don’t say that. He’s our son!” Joan exclaimed, looking at Jack with contempt in her eyes.

“I don’t have a son and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll tell him to get lost. That worthless piece of shit is nothing to us!” Jack yelled back, shoving Brian in an attempt to get him to leave.

“Mom?” Brian asked, waiting for his mom to say something, to say anything that would prove that she loved him. He wanted her to protect him, like she should have done for the past seventeen years. He needed her to stand up for him. When he looked into her eyes, he knew that no matter what she said, she would never be the mother he needed. What he saw in those eyes broke his heart and he knew that any hope he had was gone.

“Brian, I’m sorry. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” she said, lowering her eyes and refusing to look her son in the face.

Brian took one last look at the woman he called mother, knowing that any hope he had of rebuilding their relationship was gone and ran from the room. He took the elevator down and fled from the hospital, needing to get some air. Once outside, he jumped on his bike and peddled as fast as he could, trying to get as far away from Jack and Joan as possible. After a few minutes, Brian found himself at his and Justin’s special place. He hopped off his bike, and sat down on the ground; finally able to give in to the pain he was feeling. He couldn’t control the sobs that overtook him. His hopes were shattered for the last time. He promised himself right there that he’d never allow himself to feel that way again.

Justin and Jennifer walked into the house around five, after having spent the last two hours searching for a birthday present for Brian. His birthday was in a couple of weeks and Justin had asked his mother to help him find the perfect present. After searching the mall from one end to the other and coming up empty handed, Justin decided to give it more thought before making a purchase. He wanted the present to be just right and wouldn’t settle for anything less. When he entered the kitchen, he found the note that Brian had written before he left.


Justin,

My mother had a stroke. I went to the
hospital. I’ll be back when I can.

Brian


“Mom, we’ve got to go. Brian needs me,” Justin insisted as he handed Jennifer the note and headed for the door.

“Honey, don’t you think you should just wait here for Brian to come home. Maybe he needs this time with his mother,” Jennifer replied. She didn’t want to intrude on Brian and his family. Maybe something like this could bring them closer together.

“Mom, please. I have to go to him,” Justin begged. He had a bad feeling about Brian seeing his mother and needed to see for himself that everything was okay.

“Alright, let’s go,” Jennifer agreed before grabbing her keys and heading out behind her son.

At the hospital, Justin went to the front desk and asked for Joan Kinney’s room. When they reached the room, Justin knocked lightly before peeking inside. Joan was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Justin approached her slowly, noticing that Brian was nowhere to be found.

“Mrs. Kinney, remember me? I’m Justin Taylor, Brian’s friend. I was looking for him. Is he here?” Justin asked.

“He…he left. I don’t think he’ll be back,” Joan replied, keeping her stare aimed at the ceiling.

“Oh, okay. I’ll go find him, maybe he’s on his way home…I mean back to my house,” Justin said, feeling uncomfortable about calling his house Brian’s home. As he turned to leave he heard Joan call to him.

“Could you give him a message for me? Tell him I’m sorry about everything,” Joan said, as a tear to ran down her face.

Justin could tell that something must have happened while Brian was there and knew that he needed to find him. He walked out the door without replying and found his mother waiting for him.

“Mom, he’s not here. We need to find him,” Justin said, walking towards the elevator.

“But honey, he could be anywhere. Where would you look?” Jennifer asked, concerned by the look on her son’s face. It was obvious that something had happened and she was starting to worry about Brian, too. After he moved in with them, she could slowly see some life come back into his eyes as he settled in with her family. The last thing he needed was to have his parents upset him again.

Justin spent the ride in the elevator trying to decide where to start looking first when it hit him. “I know where he is Mom, we have to hurry,” Justin said. As soon as the doors opened he raced out of the elevator and out of the hosptal. He had to get to Brian.

When Jennifer pulled the car into the parking lot by the lake, they could see someone sitting off to the side with his head down. Justin knew it was Brian immediately.

“There he is!” Justin exclaimed jumping out of the car before Jennifer had it in park. “I’ll be back. Just give me a few minutes.”

As Justin made his way over to where Brian was sitting, he could hear him sobbing softly. He sat down on the ground and took Brian into his arms.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Justin whispered. His heart broke at the sound of his boyfriend in so much pain.

“I thought it would be different. I thought that maybe she did love me; that maybe she would protect me. But then he showed up. He said I was dead to them, that I meant nothing to them. She just laid there and did nothing, said nothing. Why can’t she love me? What is it about me?” Brian cried as he held on to Justin with everything he had.

“It’s not you, Brian. It’s them. They’re the ones with the problem. You’re a wonderful person. There’s nothing wrong with you. Please don’t let them hurt you anymore. I love you Brian, and it kills me to see you like this. I know it’s hard but you have to put them behind you. You have a new family now. One that loves you like their own. You have to move on from here,” Justin spoke softly.

“I know, I just thought…forget it. I don’t know what I was thinking,” Brian replied, pulling back to wipe his eyes. He was staring to feel a little embarrassed by his display of emotions.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Justin asked.

“No, I just want to go home…with my family,” Brian said with a small smile on his lips betraying the hurt in his eyes. He would move forward. He promised himself that much but something inside him had died.

“Let’s go,” Justin smiled, as he got up and pulled Brian to his feet. The boys embraced and Justin could feel the desperation in Brian’s hold. He wished there was something he could do to take away the pain, but he knew that Brian just needed time to sort out his feelings. Justin would just have to make sure he was there if Brian needed him. He reached up and pulled Brian’s head down, kissing him softly.

“Thanks for coming here and finding me,” Brian whispered, feeling the love that Justin had for him.

“I’ll always be here for you.” Justin replied, taking his hand as they walked to the car.

Jennifer was waiting by the car for them when they got back. She had watched the exchange between the two of them and could see the calming effect her son had on Brian. It warmed her heart to know that they could be there for each other. She still had some lingering concern where her son was concerned, but anyone could see they cared deeply for each other.

“Is everything okay?” Jennifer asked, concerned about Brian.

“No, but it will be. Let’s go home.” Brian replied with a smile. There was no other place he would rather be.


End of part 14
7/9/03

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