Coming Home

Chapter 1

"Alright Mom, alright. I'll be home for Christmas. Are you happy now?" Justin spat, wondering why he couldn't just stand his ground.

"Honey, please don't be mad at me. Your father and I miss you. I don't think it's too much to ask for our son to come home for the holidays. Especially since we haven't seen you in almost two years. You know, just because you and Brian aren't together anymore doesn't mean that you don't have any ties to Pittsburgh," Jennifer replied.

"How is he?" Justin asked softly.

"I don't know. Why don't you call him and ask him yourself?" Jennifer suggested.

"Mom," Justin sighed.

"What? What is it that you want me to say? That he's miserable without you? That he hasn't been the same since you walked out on him two years ago? If you wanted to know the truth, you would've asked about him when you left. You've been hiding from the truth ever since you moved away and now you want me to tell you what's going on? I really don't think you have the right to know," Jennifer told him bitterly.

"That's not fair," Justin stated.

"Fair? Please Justin, what do you know about fair? Fair would've been telling Brian that you were unhappy in the first place. Or at least telling him that you were leaving instead of sneaking out when he was out of town on a business trip. You're my son, Justin and I love you; but I love Brian, too and you have no idea how hard it's been on me watching him go through all the anger and hurt of losing you. There was a time when I didn't think he'd ever recover."

"But he has, right? He's finally moved on with his life. I'm sure Cole helped him with that," Justin replied dryly.

"How do you know about Cole?" Jennifer asked in shock.

"I talked to Jeff and Shane the other day. They happened to mention that Brian was seeing someone." Justin kept his tone even in hopes of hiding his true feelings.

"Well, isn't that what you wanted? For Brian to move on and put the past behind him? Or were you hoping that he would spend his life alone, pining for you?"

"Of course not. Brian deserves to be happy," Justin said.

"He was happy, and he thought you were, too. What happened Justin? Tell me what caused you to walk away from the life you had here," Jennifer pleaded. She never knew what had caused her son to walk away from his partner after so many years together and Justin always refused to talk about it. If she even tried to mention Brian's name, Justin would come up with an excuse for having to hang up and avoid the subject. Jennifer finally gave up trying.

"I can't talk about it, Mom. I'm sorry, but I just can't. You wouldn't understand." Justin pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. "Look, it doesn't matter anyway. It was a long time ago and Brian and I have both moved on and put it behind us. You asked me to come home and I agreed. Now just drop it."

"Fine, consider it dropped. I'll expect you to be here by Christmas Eve and I plan on you staying through New Years," Jennifer said, changing the subject.

"I don't know if I..."

"Yes, you can. You haven't been home in two years. The least you can do is give us a week of your time. Call me when you have your flight information and I'll pick you up at the airport." Jennifer left no room for argument.

"Fine, I'll call you in a few days. I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Honey."

Once Justin hung up the phone, he walked over to the window and looked out at the San Diego skyline. He tried to push away the memories that were threatening to overtake him, but he wasn't able to do it. His mind went back to the last weeks he'd spent in Pittsburgh.

Things between them had been strained for months and try as he might; Justin hadn't been able to get Brian to talk about what was bothering him. He could feel the distance between them growing more and more everyday until Justin finally gave up trying to figure out what happened. It as obvious that Brian just didn't love him anymore and was just too afraid to do anything about it. That was when Justin decided to take matters into his own hands. He contacted the gallery in San Diego that had been trying to get him to accept an offer they had made and agreed to an interview. Once he was sure he had the position, he made his plans. The business trip Brian had to take seemed to be fate. The night before he left, Brian came home in an unusually good mood and Justin decided to take advantage of it. He prepared a nice dinner for them then they spent the rest of the night in bed together. As soon as the cab took Brian to the airport, Justin packed up his things and leaving a short note, walked away from the life and the man he loved. It hadn't been easy, but Justin managed to get through it by telling himself that it was what Brian wanted. It took him two months to get up the courage to call his mother and when he finally talked to her, he refused to tell her why he left. He just said that he had an offer he couldn't refuse. If she even started a conversation about Brian, he jumped in and said he had to go. The last thing he wanted was to hear all about how well Brian was doing.

It wasn't until Shane had let something slip in their last phone conversation that Justin even knew that Brian had been seeing someone for the last year. His mother had finally given up trying to talk to him about what was going on with him and since Daphne had moved away from Pittsburgh a couple of years earlier, there was no one else around to keep him updated. He wanted to call his mother and find out exactly who Cole was but he knew he didn't have the right to interfere in Brian's life anymore. Well, now it appeared that Justin was going to be thrown back into the middle of it again. He just hoped that after his week home, he'd be able to jump right back on a plane and head back to his new life with what little he had left of his heart intact.

 

*****
 

Brian had just gotten home from work when his cell phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, he sighed before answering the call.

"What do you want?"

"Brian, is that anyway to talk to your sister?" Clair asked indignantly.

"Look Clair, I don't have time for games right now? Why are you calling?"

"I just thought I'd let you know that Mom's doctor said that she's showing more signs of improvement," Clair explained happily.

"Clair, she's been in a coma for over two years. How much improvement do you really think she's going to make?" Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting the urge to scream. It had been the same thing for the last two years. Clair believing that Joan was getting better, than falling apart when she slept on day after day.

"You know Brian; you could at last try to be optimistic. She's your mother and she needs you. After the way you deserted Daddy when he was sick, I would think you'd want to be a better son this time," she replied bitterly.

Those words caused Brian to lose whatever control he had. "What fucking planet are you living on? Jack beat the shit out of me for years and the minute I tried to get away from his rages, he disowned me. He was lucky I even went to see him before he died. And as for Mommy Dearest, she stood by and let it all happen, so don't try to make them out to be saints. Not to me. I know the truth. Now if you'll excuse me, I just walked in the door after a bitch of a day and I'd like to take a shower and relax. I'll be at the home on Saturday, just like every other weekend for the past two years." With that, Brian turned off his phone and threw it across the room in anger.

He still couldn't believe Clair had the nerve to call him and try to make him feel guilty. Hadn't he done enough for them? He lost the one man he'd ever love because of his family. Surely that was a big enough price to pay for his sins, wasn't it?

He stormed into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer from the refrigerator before throwing himself on the couch and letting his mind wander back to two years earlier. He'd gotten a call from Clair one day as he was on his way out of the office. She was hysterical and it took him almost ten minutes to get her calm enough to tell him what had happened. Joan had been drinking heavily ever since Jack had died. Clair had tried to talk to her about it, urging her to seek help, but she refused to admit that she had a problem. The choice was taken out of everyone's hands one day when Joan decided to drive into Philadelphia to visit an old friend. She was drunk out of her mind and lost control of the car on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Somehow she managed to survive, but she slipped into a coma and had been there ever since.

For some reason, Brian decided to keep the information about his mother a secret from Justin and his family. It might have been guilt; he didn't want to admit that he still cared for his mother after everything she had done to him, but whatever it was, the burden of keeping his secret caused him to pull away from his partner. It was subtle at first. He would take off on Saturdays, drive the two hour ride alone and sit by the woman's bedside praying she would wake up. Justin eventually noticed the distance between them and tried to talk to Brian about it, but Brian wouldn't open up to him. He couldn't. He needed to handle things on his own. It caused a lot of problems in his life, but he didn't think it was anything he couldn't handle. He had been wrong. An unexpected business trip came up and Brian had been looking forward to it. As much as he loved Justin, he needed to get away and be alone to think about everything that was going on around him. He still remembered the day he came home from the trip. He had decided to finally confide in Justin what had been going on and was anxious to come clean. When he walked into the apartment, he immediately noticed something was different. Before he had a chance to figure out what it was, he found a note from Justin, claiming that he was offered a position he couldn't refuse. Brian had always encouraged him to go after his dreams, but he never imagined that he would come home one day to find the blond gone. It took months for him to be able to wake up in the morning without feeling as if his whole world was shattering around him, and even longer for him to go to sleep at night without hugging Justin's pillow close, wishing it was really him.

The hardest part was knowing that Justin had turned his back on his family, too. He felt so guilty knowing that Justin was staying away because of him. He hadn't been home to visit since he left and only called about once a month to let his mother know that he was alright. Otherwise he was apparently content with his new life in San Diego. A life that Brian wasn't a part of. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing and Brian hesitated before going to check the caller ID. He sighed in relief when he saw it was Jennifer and put on his happy face before answering.

"Hey Jenn, what's up?" He asked cheerfully.

"He's coming home," Jennifer blurted out when she heard Brian's voice.

Brian didn't need to ask who she was talking about. She finally managed to talk Justin into coming home for the holidays. "When?"

"He'll be here Christmas Eve."

"Okay, I'll make sure to have other plans," Brian said casually though his heart was practically beating out of his chest at the thought of Justin being back in Pittsburgh.

"Brian Kinney, you will do no such thing. You are a part of this family and I expect you to be here for the holidays, too," Jennifer said, raising her voice slightly.

"Jenn, I can't. I'm sorry but I can't spend my holidays with him. It'll just be too hard. Besides, what about Cole? I promised him I'd spend it with him. What am I supposed to do, leave him here alone?"

"Of course not. He's coming, too. Justin knows about Cole so it's not like he's a big secret. I told you boys long ago that I expected you both to be a part of this family whether you were together or not," Jennifer reminded him. "Now nothing has changed. You're to be here at seven and don't be late."

"What am I supposed to tell Cole?" Brian sighed as he sank down on the couch.

"What do you mean? Why would you have to...oh my God," Jennifer gasped as realization set in. "You never told him about Justin, did you?"

"I told him," Brian replied sheepishly. "I just never told him it was Justin. As far as he knows, Justin is just a part of the family like Molly is. He doesn't know that he's also the one who..."

"Hurt you? Brian, you have to tell him. If you love him..." Jennifer's voice trailed off when she heard Brian grunt. "You do love him, don't you? I mean, you've been living together for six months."

"Yeah, what's your point? He knows where he stands," Brian said sullenly.

"If you don't love him, why is he there?" Jennifer prodded.

"Just forget it, alright? It's no big deal."

"But if..."

"Look, he's here because Justin's not, alright?" Brian replied angrily. "Are you happy now?"

"Oh Sweetheart, I thought you were doing okay now. I thought that you were finally moving on," Jennifer said with sadness.

"I am doing okay. I have a great job, money in the bank, and someone to come home to at night," Brian said, his voice void of emotion.

"But what about love?"

"Love is bullshit. I loved Justin and look where that got me. It's better this way." Brian heard a key in the lock and knew that Cole was home. "Listen, I've got to go. Cole's home and we have dinner plans. I'll talk to you later in the week."

Jennifer stared at the phone; long after Brian had hung up, trying to figure out what to do to make the holidays a happy occasion for everybody. She was beginning to think it was going to be an impossible task.

Brian hung up the phone and greeted Cole with a passionate kiss, hoping to push away the memories of Justin that his conversation with Jennifer stirred up. Cole kissed him back hungrily, ready to drag his lover down to their bedroom when he felt Brian pull away.

"That was some welcome home," Cole said breathlessly.

"That's nothing. Wait until I have you sprawled out on the bed, naked and begging me to fuck you," Brian replied huskily.

"Lead the way," Cole said as he took Brian's hand, their dinner plans forgotten.

 

*****

It took Justin about an hour to claim his luggage and rent a car before he found himself on the way back to his childhood home. He had called Jennifer the day before and told her of his plans to get a car and meet everybody at the house. Since it was a holiday, the flights to Pittsburgh were limited and he didn't want to make his mother sit in the airport on Christmas Eve. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was almost eight o'clock. That meant that everyone would be there already and he'd be walking in alone. It wasn't the way he pictured his homecoming, but there was nothing he could do but suck it up. He'd just walk in with his head held high and hope for the best. By the time he pulled into the driveway, he was a nervous wreck. The bravado he planned on having had disappeared about five miles down the road and he wished more than anything that he could turn around and go back to the airport. Instead he took a deep breath and climbed out of the car, pulling his bag of gifts with him and started towards the door. The minute his foot hit the top step, the door flew open and he was being pulled into his mother's arms.

"Oh Honey, I'm so happy you're home," she exclaimed as he hugged him tightly. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, Mom," Justin replied tearfully. He didn't realize how true that statement was until that moment.

Jennifer pulled back and wiped away her own tears as she smiled at Justin. "Come on, everyone's inside."

Justin felt her take his hand, but stopped her before she could drag him inside. "Mom, is Brian here?"

She could see his hesitation and nodded. "Yeah, he and Cole are both here. Come on, it'll be okay."

Justin allowed himself to be led inside and was quickly engulfed in his father's arms. "It's good to see you, Son. You've been away far too long."

"I know, Dad. I'm sorry about that," Justin replied as he clung to his father. He wanted to say more but couldn't as he felt his father pull away being replaced by Molly.

"It's about time you got here. I'm starving," she teased as she hugged him.

"I missed you too, Mol," Justin laughed as he held his sister. It was then that he felt eyes upon him and looked over Molly's shoulder to see Brian sitting on the couch next to a strikingly handsome man. Their eyes locked and for a moment Justin felt as if he couldn't breathe.

Jennifer noticed the look that was being passed between Brian and Justin and decided to intercede. "Justin, come on in and sit down."

Justin pulled himself out of the trance he was in and walked over to the tree, placing his bag down alongside of it before turning to Brian. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," Brian replied, feeling an awkward tightening in his chest. "Um...this is Cole."

Cole, who was oblivious to the tension that was surrounding the room, stood up to greet the phantom member of the family. "It's nice to meet you, Justin. I've heard a lot about you."

"You too," Justin replied.

"Okay, can we eat now," Molly said, more as a distraction than an actual need for food.

"Just give me a few minutes to get everything together. Justin, why don’t you help me?"

Justin looked at his mother gratefully before replying. "Sure Mom."

Brian watched Justin walk away, trying hard to hide the emotions that he felt from seeing Justin again after so long. He jumped when he felt Cole's hand on his leg. "Are you alright? All of the sudden you don't look so good."

“What?” Brian said when he realized Cole was talking to him. “Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm just kind of tired.”

“Are you sure?” Cole persisted.

“Of course I’m sure, now drop it,” Brian barked, suddenly feeling smothered. “I need some fresh air.”

Craig and Molly looked at each other as Brian got up and stormed out the front door leaving a very confused Cole in his wake.

“What did I say?” he asked quietly.

“It’s not you,” Craig said, hoping to elevate Cole’s fears. “Christmas is just a busy time for him at Ryder. He always works himself to hard. I’ll go check on him.”

Cole nodded his head in understanding, but started to feel as if he missed something.

 

*****
 

Jennifer pulled the turkey out of the over and placed it on the stovetop before turning back to look at her son.

“Are you alright?”

“This was a bad idea. I never should’ve come here,” Justin said as he sank down in a kitchen chair.

“Of course you should have. We’re your family and you belong here,” Jennifer assured him.

“Really? Cause it doesn’t feel that way to me. I feel like an outsider, looking in at this nice family and wishing I was a part of it,” he admitted.

“That’s because you’ve been away for so long. It’ll get easier, I promise.”

“I can’t do this, Mom. I can’t sit down at the dinner table with him and pretend that everything’s okay.” Justin voice was choked with emotion and he felt a stray tear make its way down his face.

“Justin, I don’t understand. You’re the one who walked away. Why is this so hard for you now?” Jennifer asked, pushing to finally get the answers she’d been searching for.

“But I’m not the one who walked away!” Justin exclaimed, losing the little bit of control he had left. “I may have been the one to take off, but Brian walked away from me months before. You think you know what happened, but you don’t. Hell, I don’t even know what happened.”

“Honey, explain it to me. Tell me what it is that I don’t know,” Jennifer demanded gently.

Justin jumped out of the chair and walked outside, knowing without looking that his mother would follow. Being outside in the cold air helped him to pull himself together so that he could finally tell his mother his reason for leaving.

“For months before I left, something was bothering Brian. I tried to get him to talk to me about it, but he wouldn’t. He kept telling me that nothing was wrong, but it was so obvious. I knew he wasn’t sleeping right. I would wake up at night and find his side of the bed empty. I would try to go to him, get him to say something, but he just pushed me away. On Saturdays he would disappear for hours at a time. He never told me where he went and he’d always be so down when he got home. Nothing I said would get through to him so I finally gave up trying. It was becoming more and more obvious that he didn’t love me anymore. We never spent any time together or had any real conversations. I finally decided to walk away and let him go. It was what he wanted otherwise he wouldn’t have pushed me away. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to leave? It almost killed me to walk away from him, but what choice did I have? We were falling apart and there was nothing I could do to stop it. For weeks after I left I would pick up the phone to call him; to apologize and ask him to take me back, but I couldn’t do it. As hard as it was for me to leave, it would’ve been even harder to actually hear him come out and admit that he didn’t love me anymore. I don’t think I would’ve survived that,” Justin finished tearfully.

“But Justin, what if you were wrong? What if Brian just had something on his mind that had nothing to do with you? You threw away everything that you two had together on something you had no proof of,” Jennifer said, trying to get her son to see his mistake.

“You weren’t there, Mom. You don’t know what those last few months were like.”

“You’re right, I wasn’t there but you weren’t here afterwards. I’ve never seen Brian so upset. It was like a part of him died the day you walked out that door,” Jennifer insisted.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Justin said suddenly, refusing to believe, even for a second, that he had been wrong. He couldn’t have been wrong because if he was, that meant he threw away the love of his life for nothing. “We’ve moved on. It’s too late to go back now.”

Jennifer wanted to object. She wanted to tell him that Brian hadn’t moved on, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t her place to betray Brian by telling Justin about his relationship with Cole. She still couldn’t believe what Brian had confided in her. She hated to see how much both of her boys were hurting and knew she had to find a way to get them talking before Justin took off again and it really was too late.

“Honey, it’s cold out here. Let’s go back inside and have dinner. We can talk more later.”
Justin wiped his eyes and took a deep breath before following his mother inside. He just had to get through the next week and he could go back to San Diego and try to get on with his life.

 

*****

Brian was sitting on the front step trying to figure out how to get through dinner when he heard someone approaching from behind. He was relieved when he saw it was Craig.

“Sorry about that,” he sighed as he slid over and made room for the older man.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. It wasn’t me you snapped at like that. Would you like to talk about it? Jenn says I can be a good listener when I want to be,” Craig said, hoping to get Brian to open up.

“It’s just hard seeing him again after all this time. The last time we were together I was kissing him goodbye, expecting to see him again in a couple of days.”

“Maybe now’s your chance to talk to him and find out why he left,” Craig suggested.

“Why bother? He made it perfectly clear what he wanted the day he left.”

“Maybe, but I know it’s been killing you not knowing what happened. Maybe getting the answers to your questions will help you move on,” Craig said softly.

“I have moved on,” Brian insisted.

“Have you? That’s not how it looks from where I’m standing. Look Brian, I’m not as good at this stuff as Jenn is. All I know is that if it were me, I’d want to know what happened.” Craig gave Brian a minute to think about what he said before standing up. “Come on, let’s go eat.”

By the time everyone sat down at the table, the tension had eased slightly. Brian placed a comforting hand on Cole’s knee in silent apology and pretty soon the conversation between everyone started flowing easily. Even Brian and Justin managed to join in, although both of them were a lot more subdued than normal. After dinner was done and the table was cleared, everyone moved into the living room and sat around talking about the old days. Jennifer had filled Craig in on the fact that Cole didn’t know who Justin was, but no one had told Molly. It was that fact that led to the next disaster of the evening.

“What about when Mom and Dad were in the hospital and you guys had to take care of me. I’ll never forget how embarrassed I was when Rachel and I walked in and heard you two having sex. I had to explain to her about how you were both gay and in love with one another. It took weeks to get her to come back over here again.” Molly laughed at the memory until she realized the shocked look on Cole’s face and the tension in Brian’s. “Did I say something wrong?”

Brian ignored Molly as he watched Cole and saw realization set in. Cole had known that Brian was coming out of a very long term relationship when they had met. He even knew that they had been together since senior year. What Cole didn’t know was that the boyfriend that broke his heart was part of the family, but now he obviously did.

“Cole,” Brian said softly, unsure of what to do.

“Excuse me. I need some air,” Cole said politely as he got up and walked out the front door.

“What just happened,” Molly asked.

“Honey, Cole didn’t know about Brian and Justin’s history,” Jennifer explained, watching Brian carefully.

“You never told him you were just coming out of a relationship?” Molly asked in horror.

“I told him,” Brian replied somberly. “I just never told him it was Justin. I’ll be right back.”

Justin sat there quietly watching the scene before him unfold and wondered why Brian had more or less kept him a secret.

Brian found Cole out front in the same spot he’d been sitting in earlier and was relieved that he hadn’t taken off. He sat down beside him but didn’t know what to say.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cole finally asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence between them.

“What difference does it make? You knew everything but his name,” Brian replied softly.

“What difference does it make? It makes a big difference. I wouldn’t have come here tonight if I knew it was going to be a lovers’ reunion,” Cole exclaimed as he jumped up and began pacing on the porch. “You told me you haven’t spoken to him since the split.”

“And I haven’t. Craig, Jennifer, and Molly have but I haven’t had any contact with him until tonight. And I didn’t tell you because I knew what an awkward situation it was. These people are my family; the only ones who gave a shit about me for the last nine years. I won’t stay away from holidays and family gatherings just because of Justin,” Brian insisted, his voice rising slightly.

“And I wouldn’t have expected you to, but you didn’t even trust me enough to tell me the truth,” Cole replied. “Sometimes I think I’m the only one in this relationship.”

“Cole, that’s not fair.”

“Fair? What do you know about fair? You keep me around so that you have someone to cook your dinner and suck your cock. How fair is that?” Cole yelled, his anger getting the best of him.

“That’s not true and you know it,” Brian said getting to his feet.

“No, I don’t know it. What I do know is that I give you everything I have and work my ass off to make things work between us and all I get in return is half your attention. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t wait around for you to get over…Justin…and move on,” Cole replied weakly.

“I have moved on…with you,” Brian said, reaching out to Cole.

“Don’t…just don’t. You haven’t moved on. I’ve always had the feeling that I was just your stand in; someone to pass the time with until you could get Justin back and now I know I was right.”

“What are you saying? You’re leaving me?” Brian asked incredulously.

“I don’t know. I just know that I need some time. We both do. You need to figure out exactly what it is that you want and I need to decide if being second best is enough for me,” Cole said sadly, his heart breaking at the thought of losing Brian.

“Cole,” Brian began but stopped when he saw the look on Cole’s face.

“My parents wanted me to drive down to Virginia for the holidays but I decided to stay here with you instead. I think a trip home is exactly what I need right now. Stay here tonight and I’ll be out of the apartment by noon tomorrow. I’ll be back after the New Year and we’ll decide where to go from there,” Cole said with more confidence than he felt.

“You don’t have to do this. What Justin and I had has been over for almost two years now.”

“Brian, stop trying to kid yourself. It never really ended for you and by the look on Justin’s face; I don’t think it ended for him either. Do yourself a favor and take this time to work things out with Justin and decide once and for all if there’s anything left between you. If not for me, than for the next guy who comes into your life who can’t even begin to compete with the memory of Justin Taylor. Good bye, Brian. Merry Christmas.” Cole leaned in a kissed Brian softly before hurrying to the car and pulling away. He needed to get out of there as fast as he could before all his good intentions went out the window and he begged Brian to stay with him.

Brian watched Cole drive away with a heaviness in his heart. He knew deep down inside that what they had was over and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Even though his feeling for Cole weren’t even close to what he felt for Justin, he still cared for the man and enjoyed their time together. Saying good bye wasn’t going to be easy, even if it was the right thing to do. Once the car was completely out of sight, Brian entered the house and came face to face with Jennifer.

“Is everything alright?” she asked hesitantly.

“Is it alright if I stay here tonight? Cole needs a little time alone,” Brian asked, keeping the details of their conversation to himself for the time being.

“Of course it is. This will always be your home. Now why don’t you come back inside and have a glass of wine? I’m sure things will look better in the morning,” Jennifer offered as she took Brian’s hand and led him back to the others.

Justin watched his mother and Brian come back into the room and saw the sad look in Brian’s eyes. It was obvious that the man was hurting and Justin couldn’t help but feel that it was all his fault. If he had stayed away instead of caving to his mother’s wishes and come home for the holidays, Brian and Cole wouldn’t be arguing or whatever it was they were doing and everyone would be having a happy holiday.

“Mom, I’m kind of tired. I think I’m going to go up to bed,” Justin said as he got up and made his way towards the stairs. “Good night everybody. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Once Justin was alone in his old bedroom he realized that he’d left his luggage in the rental car. He’d just have to wait until everyone was sleeping before going down to retrieve his things. It wasn’t like he was going to fall asleep anytime in the future. The way his head was spinning over everything that happened since walking through the front door, he doubted sleep would come for a long time. Instead he lay on the bed, thinking about Brian and coming to the conclusion that no matter how far apart they were, nothing took away the love he had for the man. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, calling the one person he knew would understand exactly what he was going through.

“Hey Blondie, how’s the family reunion going?” Tyler asked as he answered the phone.

“How do you think its going? I knew this was a bad idea,” Justin said softly.

“Uh oh, what happened?” Tyler asked as he made himself comfortable on the couch. He had a feeling it was going to be a long conversation.

Justin sighed as he began telling his friend everything that had happened since he arrived home a few hours earlier. It was difficult to relive each moment but he knew that he needed to talk to someone about what was happening. Once he was done, he waited for his friend to give his advice.

“It sounds to me as if Brian isn’t quite as over you as you thought he was,” Tyler offered.

“But how is that possible? He’s the one who pulled away in the first place. I would never have left if I thought he still wanted to be with me,” Justin said, trying not to get his hopes up that there was anything left between them.

“Jus, I’ve been telling you since day one that you should’ve confronted Brian with your suspicions before jumping to conclusions. How can anyone as smart as you be so dumb sometimes?”

“What do you think I should do? My mother will freak if I try to leave early. She’s making me stay the week.”

“Maybe it’s time for you to talk to Brian about what happened,” Tyler suggested.

“And if I was right all along? If tonight has nothing to do with me, then what?”

“Then you know for sure, come home to lick your re-opened wounds, and really start moving on. But if you were wrong; if there’s a chance you can fix things and get Brian back, isn’t it worth it?” Tyler could hear the anguish in Justin’s voice and wished he was there to comfort him. “Are you sure that you don’t want me to catch a flight out there? I could probably be there the day after tomorrow.”

“But what about your job? Didn’t you say that your boss was getting pissed at all the time off you’ve been taking?” Justin asked, wishing he could have Tyler there with him.

“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got that other job I’ve been interviewing for. Let him fire me. I could care less.” While Tyler was talking, he had managed to boot up the computer and search for available flights. “Just as I suspected. I can be there by dinner time on the 26th. Should I book it?”

“Yeah,” Justin whispered, sighing in relief at knowing that his friend would be there in less than 48 hours to help him through the rest of his trip. “Thanks.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for. Now why don’t you try to get some rest and I’ll call you as soon as I land. Love you, Blondie.”

“Love you too,” Justin replied before disconnecting the call. He thought back to the day he met Tyler almost two years earlier with a smile. Justin had been in San Diego for two weeks and was missing Brian and his family terribly. He decided to go out to one of the local clubs and try to forget his problems. Tyler was the best looking guy there and Justin was immediately drawn to him. They ended up going back to Justin’s apartment, but much to his horror, instead of ending up fucking as they had planned, they ended up getting drunk and Justin broke down and told him all about Brian Kinney. It felt good to finally talk about what had happened and instead of scaring Tyler away, it turned out to be the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

Since then, the pair grew even closer, leaning on each other when things got hard. Their friendship was unlike any other and despite the fact that they slept together on a fairly regular basis, neither one of them was foolish enough to think that what they had was anything more than two friends that relied on each other. The sex was incredible and since neither man had any desire to get involved with anyone romantically and didn’t enjoy anonymous sex, their situation worked out well for both of them. They knew that when the day came that one or both of them met someone special, the sex would stop but the friendship would remain intact. It was their little secret that none of their friends knew about and it worked out well for them both.

Knowing that Tyler was going to be there eased Justin’s mind and before he knew it, he drifted off into a deep sleep.

Brian sat with the family, drinking his wine and trying not to think about the blond that was sleeping upstairs. Molly had tried to apologize for causing problems with Cole, but Brian wouldn’t listen. He assured her that it was all his fault for not being completely honest but refused to discuss it any further. By midnight everyone was pretty tired and Jennifer locked up the house before they all went up to bed. Brian found himself back in his old room, a place he hadn’t been since Justin had left, and tried not to let his emotions get the better of him. Even though he knew that he still loved the man, he was surprised by how much he was affected by seeing him again. It was as if the last two years didn’t happen and he wanted nothing more than to go to his room and forget all about the pain and anger that he’d been experiencing for so long. With his mind a little fuzzy from the wine and his brain not thinking too clearly, he found himself waiting until the others had time to fall asleep and tiptoeing down the hall to Justin’s room. He knocked lightly but when he didn’t hear a sound, he gently opened the door and slipped inside. The sight of Justin sleeping there, looking so peaceful, tugged at his heart as he made his way over to the bed. He reached out and lightly ran his hand along Justin’s cheek, and was rewarded when Justin’s eyes blinked twice then opened and focused on him.

“Brian?” Justin whispered, wondering if he was just dreaming. “What are you doing in here?”

“I’m not sure,” Brian replied softly.

Justin knew that he should send Brian away, but he couldn’t. After all this time, just having the man standing by his bed was causing him to feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time. Without thinking about the consequences, Justin pulled back the covers and held his breath while Brian slid in beside him. It only took a moment for their mouths to come together and at the first touch, everything that happened between them slipped away. Nothing else mattered at that moment but their connection and Justin immediately parted his lips to let Brian inside. After their first initial contact, they tore at each other’s clothing, quickly finding themselves back in the dance that they shared for so long. It didn’t take long before Brian finally entered Justin for the first time in two years and it was as if everything was right again in the world, if only for that moment. Brian wanted their reunion to last as long as possible, but that was an impossible feat and pretty soon they were flying over the edge, quietly calling out each others’ name as they came together.

Brian collapsed on top of Justin, struggling to catch his breath, when the reality of what had just happened washed over him. He never should’ve sought Justin out. He quickly scrambled off the bed, pulling on his clothes as he made his way to the door. Just as he reached the knob, he heard Justin’s voice calling out to him.

“Brian,” Justin said, stopping Brian from opening the door. “Please don’t go.”

Brian sighed, but didn’t turn around as he addressed Justin. “I have to. I’m sorry; I never should’ve come here.”

Justin didn’t stop the tears that started flowing down his cheeks as he watched Brian walk out of the room, leaving him all alone. “I know what you mean,” he whispered to the empty room.


End of part 1
05/22/05
 

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