Breaking Internal Barriers

Chapter 8

By the end of the week, Daphne and Cynthia couldn’t stand seeing Brian and Justin walking around with the smug looks on their faces. They met for lunch on Friday to compare notes.

“So what do you think we should do?” Cynthia asked Daphne as soon as the waitress took their order.

“I think we should leave them alone for awhile and see what happens. Justin was so upset the other day. Apparently, sleeping with Brian more than once rocked his normally controlled world. I don’t want to cause him anymore stress,” Daphne admitted.

“I know what you mean. Brian has been having so many mood swings you’d think he was suffering from PMS. Maybe it’s best for us to stay out of it. I never wanted to upset them, I just wanted them to get together if it would make them happy,” Cynthia replied.

“I know me too. I still think they would make a good pair, but it’s up to them whether or not they stay together. Do you think we should let on that we know what’s going on between them? Justin knows that I know about a part of it, since he admitted to me that they slept together, but when I asked him this morning what was going on between them, he just told me that they were friends. He wouldn’t say anything else and told me it was none of my business when I asked.”

“Well, let’s just give them some time to work things out between them before we decide what to do next. In the mean time, it should be fun to see what they do when they’re together at work. Brian thinks he’s so good at hiding his feelings, but apparently Justin has him off his game because there was no hiding the smile that broke out on his face when Justin walked into his office the other day,” Cynthia giggled.

“I know…Justin’s the same way. When I told him this morning that Brian wanted to see him when he came in, Justin put down his things and immediately went in search of him. He never moved that fast for anyone, including Alex. I guess all we can do is wait and hope that they don’t screw this up,” Daphne sighed, hoping that they would indeed work things out.

“I’ll drink to that,” Cynthia replied, holding up her iced tea in response.

They spent the rest of their lunch talking about work and making plans for the weekend to see a movie, but both women had Brian and Justin on their minds the whole time.

Brian was sitting at his desk trying to get some work done, which wasn’t easy since his mind kept running back to the previous evening. He had once again found himself at Justin’s loft, sharing dinner and a bed with the blond. He knew they agreed to be fuck buddies, but he was beginning to wonder if that was possible. He could feel himself starting to care for the man, which only managed to confuse him even more. They needed to put some distance between them and get back to their way of life before things got too out of hand. His thoughts were interrupted when the Cynthia walked in.

“Hey Boss, Justin called earlier, while you were in the meeting with Alex. He told me not to bother you and to let you know that he had a family emergency and was leaving early,” Cynthia told him, watching his face for any signs of emotion.

“A family emergency? What happened?” Brian asked, reaching for the phone.

“He didn’t say,” Cynthia replied to deaf ears, since Brian was already on the phone with the man in question.

“Hey, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, my sister broke her arm playing softball and my mother’s away for the day at a conference, so they called me. I’m at the hospital right now waiting for them to put the cast on. I’m sorry, but I didn’t get those boards finished for the Henderson account. I’ll swing by the office once my mother gets home and work on them tonight,” Justin told him.

“You aren’t going out tonight?”

“I wasn’t sure, but since I had to leave early I’ll finish up the boards first and go out if I get done early enough. Were you planning on going to the Coliseum tonight?”

“I was planning on it. How about if I pick up the boards and bring them back to my place. You can come by when you can and work on them at my loft. When you’re done, we can just head out together. I have a few things I need to finish up anyway,” Brian offered, wondering what had happened to his idea of putting some distance between them.

“Okay, that sounds good. I’ll call you when I’m on my way. Later.”

“Later,” Brian replied, hanging up the phone. He looked up and was startled to see Cynthia still standing there. “Is there anything else?”

“Uh…no…that’s it,” Cynthia stammered. She turned around and left without another word, leaving Brian behind confused by her reaction.

Later that night Brian was sitting at the computer when his phone rang. Looking at the caller ID he saw it was Justin.

“Hey,”

“Hey, I’m on my way. Did you get the boards?”

“I got them. They look great so far. You don’t need to do that much work on them,” Brian commented.

“Thanks. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Did you eat yet?”

“No, I wasn’t sure if you were going to eat so I waited. Are you hungry? I could order Chinese,” Brian offered.

“Sounds good. I’ll have whatever you’re having. I’m not picky. See ya soon,” Justin replied.

Justin got to the loft the about ten minutes later. He and Brian kissed hello then got busy working, only taking time out once the food arrived. Around ten o’clock Justin announced that he was finished. Brian walked over to see what the younger man accomplished.

“That’s perfect, as always,” Brian said with pride. He loved how Justin always managed to portray exactly what he wanted to see.

“Thanks. So, are you ready to hit the club?” Justin asked, suddenly wishing that they could just hang out at the loft. He really didn’t feel up to the club scene at the moment.

“Uh, yeah. Just let me go get changed,” Brian replied quietly. He had enjoyed having another quiet evening at home, but he didn’t want to admit it to Justin.

They made their way into the Coliseum and headed to the bar for a drink. After they downed a couple of shots, Justin was ready to hit the dance floor with Brian when Kevin approached them.

“Hey guys, what are you doing here?”

“It’s Friday night. Where else would we be?” Justin asked defensively.

“I don’t know. I guess I just thought that since you guys got together we wouldn’t be seeing as much of you. You have been pretty scarce lately,” Kevin replied casually.

“We aren’t together, Kevin. We’re just friends,” Brian replied quickly, almost too quickly for Justin’s taste.

Justin glanced over at Brian, trying hard to hold back the hurt of his words. He wasn’t quite sure why Brian’s denial hit him so hard and really didn’t want to think about it.

Kevin watched the reaction between the two men and realized that he said the wrong thing. “Right, well I better get back to my station. I’ll talk to you two later.”

Brian watched Kevin walk away, confused by his comment. He and Justin weren’t together, right? They were friends, but that’s all it was. They had agreed from the beginning to keep it that way. Leave the relationship shit to the hetero’s. He thought back over the last few weeks and knew where Kevin had gotten the idea from. He and Justin had spent a lot of time together and it was time for them to get back to their usual behavior. Spotting a potential trick off to the left, Brian leaned forward and whispered into Justin’s ear.

“I think I found tonight’s entertainment. I’ll catch you later.”

Justin watched Brian walk away with a mixture of hurt and anger. Rationally, he knew that they each had a right to trick since they were only friends, but it had been a while since Justin had to watch Brian in action and something along the lines of jealously began settling in his gut. He ordered another drink and downed it quickly before scanning the room for his own source of entertainment. Minutes later, he found someone passable and made his way to the dance floor, keeping an eye on Brian the whole time. Both men seemed to be lost in the music, but through every song their eye contact never wavered. Almost simultaneously, they grabbed their tricks and headed towards the back room, oblivious to the stars they were getting from the bartender.

“Talk about living in the land of denial,” Kevin mumbled to himself as he shook his head with a grin.

Brian found an open wall and leaned against it, dragging his trick towards him. The man leaned in to place a kiss on Brian’s mouth, but Brian headed him off and pushed him down on his knees leaving no doubt as to what he wanted. The trick proceeded to unbutton Brian’s jeans and take him in his mouth.

Justin walked into the backroom and immediately found Brian in the middle of receiving a blow job. Pushing away his thoughts, he took the wall opposite him and nudged his trick down in front of him. Once his cock was inside the tricks mouth he glanced up to see Brian staring at him with lust in his eyes. He was unable to look away as a mixture of emotions ran through him. He could still feel a little bit of jealousy watching someone else be where he knew he wanted to be, but he was also incredibly turned on watching the trick bringing Brian closer to orgasm. The two men never broke eye contact; their need for each other building along with their orgasms. Once they were done and their tricks discarded, they silently left the club and headed back to Brian’s loft. No words were spoken as they entered the loft and attacked each other with a passion that surpassed anything they had ever felt before.

“Brian,” Justin moaned as he pulled back for air. “I need you.”

Brian didn’t reply. Instead he pulled Justin by the hand and led him into the bedroom. He quickly stripped the blond before pulling off his own clothes and pushing Justin on the bed, following him down. He took Justin’s mouth again as he reached down and grabbed his leaking cock, enjoying the reaction he was receiving.

“Brian, no games tonight. I need you inside of me,” Justin whispered huskily.

Brian reached over to the night stand and grabbed a condom, sheathing his aching hard on quickly. He then grabbed the lube and coated his fingers, preparing Justin while the man writhed beneath him. Placing Justin’s legs on his shoulders, Brian entered him swiftly, losing himself in the warm confines.

“Justin,” Brian groaned at the feeling of being buried inside of Justin. No matter how many times they were together, nothing eased the passion that he felt every time they came together.

Justin was lost in the feelings that Brian was creating. Even though he’d always been a top, nothing compared to bottoming for Brian, feeling the fullness that only he created. His orgasm was building and Justin could feel himself racing closer to the edge.

“Brian, God…yes…”

“God Justin, you’re so tight…”

Brian picked up the pace knowing Justin was as close as he was. It only took a few more thrusts until Brian felt the tightening in his balls, quickly followed by his earth shattering release.

Justin felt the moment Brian peaked, causing him to plummet into his own amazing orgasm. He didn’t want to question the feelings he was having as Brian collapsed on top of him. The feeling of wanting to stay that way forever.

A few moments later, Justin broke the silence that had filled the loft.

“Brian? Do you think that maybe things have gotten a little out of hand?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, what Kevin was saying? I know that we agreed to be friends, but maybe …,” he stopped, rethinking his words. “You know what? Never mind. Forget I said anything,” Justin sighed, not sure exactly what he was trying to say.

“Justin, you’re not changing your mind about…things, are you? We agreed…” Brian trailed off.

“”I know what we agreed. I was the one who suggested it, remember? It’s just that…”

“Justin, this is the way it has to be. I don’t believe in love and relationships. Hell, you don’t either. At least I thought you didn’t. This is a matter of convenience, nothing more,” Brian said, not sure who he was trying to convince, Justin or himself.

Justin felt the words slice right through his heart. He knew that he had agreed to their arrangement, but he was beginning to think that it wasn’t that simple. There was something there between them that kept them coming back for more. Or at least he thought there was. Apparently it was only one sided and it hurt to know that he opened himself up to Brian, only to be kicked in the gut in the end. Without replying, he climbed out of bed and went in search of his clothes. He needed to put some distance between them before he made an even bigger fool out of himself.

Brian watched Justin get ready to leave and wanted to say something to stop him. The only problem was that he didn’t know what to say. His thoughts were all mixed up and he could feel something close to fear in his chest as he watched Justin get ready to leave. He glanced up when he heard Justin speak.

“I guess I’ll see you on Monday,” Justin said softly, trying to hide his pain. He made his way to the door and reached for the handle before he heard Brian call his name.

“Justin.”

He could see a mixture of emotions deep in those hazel eyes, but couldn’t read what they were trying to say. “Forget it, Brian. We gave it a shot, but it’s just not working out. We’re better off as just friends. Have a good weekend.”

Brian watched Justin walk out the door and reached for the first thing he could find, a bottle of beam, throwing it across the room. The sound of broken glass drowning out the sound of his cursing.

Justin hurried downstairs by-passing the elevator. He needed to get away, away from the man he left upstairs and the pain he was experiencing. Once he reached his car he fumbled with the keys before getting inside and laying his head on the steering wheel.

“If this is what it means to be in a relationship, I want no part of it,” he said to himself in the small confines of the car. The only problem was that it was too late. He already managed to lose his heart to the one person who had the power to destroy it.

End of part 8

6/15/04

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