Arms of Destiny

Chapter 16
 

Brian and Justin managed to get Justin all moved in by Friday night. Jennifer was very unhappy with the events that were taking place, but she could see the happiness in her son’s eyes and knew there was no way she could stop him from being with Brian. Now all she could do is pray that he didn’t get hurt again. She sent Justin out to the jeep, claiming to want to talk to Brian alone. Justin looked at Brian in fear, but the older man just nodded his head for Justin to leave and faced Jennifer with indifference.

“Go ahead, Mrs. Taylor. Say what you have to say. I’m listening.” Brian stated, looking into eyes that were so much like Justin’s.

“Brian, I obviously can’t tell Justin what to do anymore. He’s a grown man and old enough to make his own decisions. I’m just worried about him. Ever since he went to Dartmouth, he’s seemed sad and distant. I can see the difference in him since you two have been back together and I know how happy he is to be moving back to the loft. I’m just worried about him. I don’t want to see him fall back into the unhappy person he used to be. Promise me that you won’t hurt him. Can you do that, Brian?” She pleaded with him. She knew she was asking a lot and expected Brian to tell her to go to hell, but she still had to try.

“Look, Mrs. Taylor, you know as well as I do that that is none of your business. With that being said, I promise not to hurt him.” Brian replied, noticing the shocked looked on her face, before walking away.

Jennifer stood there, watching her son and his lover drive away and couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. She may not be Brian Kinney’s biggest fan, but she knew by the look on his face that he loved her son. That was enough for her.

Justin kept quiet for as long as he could before his curiosity won out and he had to ask what his mother had said.

“Well, what did she say?” He looked at Brian for any signs of anger.

“She just asked me to promise not to hurt you.” Brian replied, seeing Justin’s anxiousness out of the corner of his eye.

“What did you say?” Justin held his breath, waiting for Brian’s answer. He didn’t expect the man to admit that he was indeed going to hurt him, but he was curious as to what he had said to his mother.

“I told her it was none of her business.” Brian replied, seeing a look of disappointment flash across Justin’s face.

“Good. It isn’t any of her business.” Justin said, trying to hide his disappointment.

“Then I promised that I wouldn’t hurt you.” Brian explained, as he stopped at a red light. He saw Justin’s features change as his words sunk in.

Justin couldn’t believe that Brian would make a promise like that. Everyone knew that he always kept his promises. “Thank you, Brian. I love you!” Justin exclaimed, as he jumped across the distance between them, kissed Brian, feeling happier than he had before.

“Me too, Justin.” Brian replied easily. He was beginning to see how easy it was to tell Justin how he felt. Maybe he was finally growing up and for once in his life he wasn’t afraid of that thought.

The boys spent the night alone at the loft, making love and planning their future. They discussed their hopes for the agency and where they would like to be in five years, finally drifting off in each other’s arms, content to finally be together.

Brian woke up early and decided to go to the gym while Justin was sleeping. He knew the younger man needed his sleep and didn’t want to disturb him. He left a note on his pillow and walked out quietly, hoping to be back before Justin woke up.

Justin woke up to a loud pounding on the door. He was disoriented and looked around for Brian before finding the note he had left. When the knocking didn’t stop, he got out of bed and grabbed Brian’s robe, staggering to the door. He was surprised to find Michael on the other side.

“He’s not here, Michael. He went to the gym.” Justin told him, not wanting to have a confrontation with Michael at the moment.

“I know. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to talk to you.” Michael explained, making his way into the loft.

“Look Michael, I am not in the mood to fight with you. I know I was wrong when I walked away without saying goodbye, but I can’t change it now. I just did what I had to do. I knew if I told anyone of my plans, they would have tried to talk me out of leaving and I needed to go. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to walk away? It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I missed your mother and Vic everyday. I missed everyone, especially Brian, but it’s in the past. I refuse to keep apologizing for a mistake I made four years ago. Brian has forgiven me and that’s all that matters right now.” Justin couldn’t help feeling defensive where Michael was concerned. He knew the man never liked him and was jealous of the relationship he had with Brian, and he wasn’t about to let himself get upset by the visit. He just wished Brian was still there.

“Look Justin, I came here to talk to you, not fight with you. Could you just sit down and listen to what I have to say?” Michael asked, trying to avoid an argument. He had been thinking a lot about Brian and his relationship with Justin since he found them together and needed to get some things off his chest.

Justin looked into Michael’s eyes and could sense that he was sincere. He quietly walked over to the couch, ready to listen.

“When you left, I have to admit I was a little happy about it. It’s not that I didn’t like you. I just thought you were too young to be with Brian. He never believed in love and here he was spending most of him time with a kid. I didn’t understand it. I was mad as hell that my mother and Vic were hurt by your leaving and I kept hoping you would call them. After a couple of weeks, I began seeing a change in Brian. He was drinking and doing drugs like I have never seems him do before. I could see him falling into a dark hole and there was nothing I could do about it. He was hurting; the man who claimed to never care about anyone was destroyed by your leaving. I tried to help him forget you, but he just kept sinking deeper and deeper. Then one day he was gone. No one knew where he went and I was really worried, but when he finally came back he seemed better. He stopped drinking and doing drugs. He started taking pride in his work again. I thought everything was going to be okay and it was in a way. He had stopped trying to hurt himself, but I realized that he was different. The Brian Kinney that everyone knew was gone, replaced by someone unrecognizable. His eyes held this emptiness that scared me. Again, there was nothing I could do. He moved on, working harder than ever to make his dreams come true, but it didn’t seem to mean as much as it should. It was then that I knew that he loved you.” Michael stopped talking, allowing his words to sink in.

Justin didn’t know what to say. He knew some of Brian’s past, but the picture Michael was painting was causing an ache in his heart. The knowledge that he was the cause of so much pain was almost more than Justin could bear. He remained silent, waiting for Michael to continue with his story.

“I did the only thing I could do. I let him know I would be there if he needed me. If the circumstances were different, the changes would have been great. He spent time with his son, developed a strong relationship with Joshua, and eventually opened his own agency. The tricks had all but stopped. He wasn’t abusing himself with drugs anymore. He had the perfect life except for one thing. His eyes had lost the passion they used to have. It was as if he was dead inside, just a shell of the man he used to be. I was beginning to think that he was gone forever…until you came back. His passion is back. When I was over here the other morning, I could see an excitement in his eyes that I haven’t seen in years. I know you are the reason he is happy again, just like I know you are the reason he was so lost to begin with. I need to know what your plans are. If you are going to leave again, I need to know. I don’t know what will happen to him if you walk away again.” Michael took a deep breath and waited for Justin’s reply.

Justin sat there, staring at Michael, letting the man’s words sink in. Could Brian really have changed that much because he left? Is it possible that Brian was so hurt because he walked away from him? Justin pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to think about all the pain he might have caused the man he loves. “Michael, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going anywhere. I am so sorry for walking away, but I never meant to hurt anyone. I was doing what I thought was best for my parents and to be honest, I never thought I would be missed all that much. Believe me Michael, I was as miserable as Brian was and if I knew he was suffering, I would have raced back here, the hell with my education. I promise not to hurt him again.” Justin couldn’t help but think of the similarities between Michael and his mother, both out to protect the ones they love. He just made the same promise that Brian had made the night before and he had no intension of breaking that promise.

“Well, okay then. I guess we understand each other. I won’t bring it up again, but just so you know, if you hurt him I will kick your ass!” Michael smiled to take some of the sting out of his words, but he meant every one of them. He was willing to give Justin a chance, but he refused to sit back and watch Brian be destroyed again.

“If I hurt Brian again, I will let you kick my ass.” Justin chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. Before anything else could be said, the door slid open and Brian walked in. Once he saw the two men standing there, his face took on an angry expression.

“What’s going on?” Brian asked, walking over to stand alongside Justin as if to protect him.

Justin could hear the tension in his voice and knew he was assuming Michael was there to start trouble. “Nothing, Brian. Michael just stopped by to catch up since we haven’t really seen each other much since I got back. Right, Michael?” Justin gave Michael a wink, letting him know that they were okay.

“Uh…yeah…I just wanted to see how boy wonder was doing.” Michael replied once he caught on to what Justin was doing. The last thing he needed was to have Brian know he came to threaten Justin about him.

“I see.” Brian said, not believing their story for a second.

“Well, I better get going. Will I see you two at Babylon tonight?” Michael asked, making his way towards the door.

“Sounds good to me. Brian, are you up for Babylon tonight?” Justin asked, letting Brian know that it was alright with him.

“We might stop by for a little while, but I have other plans for you tonight and it doesn’t include hundreds of hot, horny men and loud music.” Brian explained with a smirk. He could see Justin’s face light up with anticipation and felt a tightening in his groin at the sight of his sunshine smile.

Michael could see the looks Brian and Justin were giving each other and knew he needed to leave. He could see the love they shared and he was actually happy for the both of them. After seeing Brian so unhappy for so long, Michael realized that Brian did believe in love. He just needed to find Justin to help him believe. “I’ll see you both tonight. Later.” Michael said as he slid open the door.

“Later, Mikey.” Brian replied, before taking Justin in his arms. Neither man heard the door close. They were so lost in each other.

Two hours later, Brian and Justin, exhausted after their passionate love making, were cuddling on the couch when Brian finally asked the question he had been dying to ask.

“So, what was Mikey really doing here?” He made eye contact with Justin, letting him know that there was more to the story.

Justin could see that Brian wasn’t going to believe anything other than the truth so he figured that he might as well come clean. “He came here to warn me not to hurt you.”

“He what?” Brian asked incredulously.

“Relax Brian. He was worried about you. He just kind of said he would kick my ass if I hurt you.” Justin said, trying to hold back his chuckle.

“He would kick your ass? Did you tell him that you could knock him into next week before he ever got one punch in?” Brian laughed at the thought of Michael trying to fight Justin.

“No, I let him think that he could really kick my ass. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Besides, it doesn’t really matter since I have no intention of hurting you again. I learned my lesson and I’m just happy that you’re giving me a second chance. I will not screw things up again.” Justin assured him, knowing that what he was saying was the truth.

“Yeah, I think I learned my lesson too. If I was honest with myself, and you, and admitted my feelings maybe you wouldn’t have felt the need to leave without saying goodbye. I know you did what you thought was best for your parents, but we could have worked something out instead of being apart for four years. I may not always be able to express my feelings, but I will make sure you know how I feel about you everyday.” Brian placed a soft kiss on Justin’s lips, needed to feel the other man’s warmth. The kiss was brief, but held a lot of meaning for both of them.

“As long as you keep looking at me the way you have been since we got back together, I will always know how you feel about me, and I love you, too.” Justin replied, snuggling up even closer. They stayed that way for the rest of the afternoon, talking and just enjoying being in each other’s arms.


End of Part 16
10/29/03

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