Arms of Destiny

Chapter 15
 

The next morning when Brian and Justin woke up, things between them were great. Justin had been worried that there would be some kind of tension between them after what had taken place the night before. He even expected Brian to pull away a bit, but if anything he was pulling Justin closer. They took a shower together, and just like the old days they lost themselves in each other until the water ran cold. Everything was going great until there was a knock on the door.

“Were you expecting someone?” Justin asked, as he continued to dry off Brian’s perfect body.

“No, but you know how it is. Some people think my place is Grand Central Station. I’ll get rid of them.” Brian assured him, reaching for his robe.

“I’ll just finish getting ready since we’re supposed to be on our way to the office by now.” Justin responded with a gleam in his eyes.

“But…” Brian began, but was interrupted by Justin’s laughter.

“No buts, Brian. We have to go to work. Now go answer the door.” He ordered as he reached for his clothes.

“You are just no fun!” Brian exclaimed, as he walked out of the room.

“That’s not what you said in the shower.” Justin called after him as he reached for his bag. Before heading over the night before, he managed to pack his things so he didn’t have to go back to his mother’s before work.

“Twat!” Brian called back with a chuckle, pulling back the door to find Michael on the other side.

“Brian! Where have you been? I haven’t heard from you in days. I was worried about you!” Michael whined as he pushed his way inside the loft.

“Mikey, I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to check up on me if I don’t call you for a few days. I’ve been busy and right now, I’m late for work so if you don’t mind, I’ll call you later.” Brian replied, wanting to get him out before he saw Justin. It wasn’t as if he wanted to keep his relationship with Justin a secret. He just didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with the scene he was sure Michael would make. That was one of the reasons Brian hadn’t called his best friend. Michael never forgave Justin for walking away and upsetting everyone like he did four years ago.

“Why don’t you come to Babylon with us tonight? The guys miss you, too.” Michael asked, hoping to get Brian to agree.

“Sorry, Mikey. I’ve got plans. Maybe another time.” Brian told him, ushering him to the door. Unfortunately, he was too late. Michael had spotted Justin coming out of the bedroom.

“What’s he doing here? Is he the reason you’ve been blowing off your friends?” Michael asked, his jealousy obvious in his voice.

“Nice to see you, too, Michael.” Justin said dryly, as he made his way to the kitchen.

“Look, Michael. I really have to get to work. I’ll call you later.” Brian assured him as he led him out the door, closing it behind him.

“Sorry, Brian. I didn’t know he was here. I didn’t mean to start trouble.” Justin apologized.

“Sorry is bullshit, Justin. You didn’t do anything. Mikey is still Mikey. I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with him this morning. It’s not like I plan on keeping our relationship a secret.” Brian replied, without conscious thought of what he was saying.

“Our relationship? Is that what we have?” Justin couldn’t hide the shock he was feeling.

“Well, what would you call it? We spend our free time together, we have fabulous sex, and we…care about each other. I know I’m new at all of this, but it sounds like a relationship to me.” Brian explained, looking deeply in Justin’s eyes. He could see a certain sadness in the blue eyes and was wondering if maybe he was pushing too hard.

“Are you sure? I know I hurt you when I left and I was surprised that you were so willing to forgive me and try being friends. I’m just happy to be a part of your life. Don’t do this out of some sort of guilt because of what happened to me.” Justin could feel the trembling from deep inside his body. Brian was basically saying all the things he had always wanted to hear and he was afraid to put too much into it for fear of losing it all when the guilt faded.

“Justin, what do you want? Are you really content with us just being friends? Can you honestly say that you don’t think about us having something more? It’s your call, Justin. I need to know what it is that you want.” Brian could feel his heart racing at the intensity of their conversation. He felt open and exposed, but he knew he needed to be honest if he was going to keep Justin with him and after losing him four years ago, there was no doubt that was what he wanted. He wanted to be with Justin.

Justin stood there, looking into Brian’s eyes, trying to make sense of what he was saying. He had spent so many years wishing things were different. Dreaming about being reunited with the man he loved more than anything and wanting to spend his life making up for leaving him without so much as a goodbye. Now here he was, being offered the opportunity to fix things, to make things right between them, and he was scared. He was terrified to take the next step, knowing that he couldn’t survive losing Brian a second time. He was so lost in thought that he almost didn’t hear Brian start speaking again.

“Look, maybe this isn’t the best time to talk about this? Forget I said anything and let’s just finish getting ready for work.” Brian said, trying to hide his pain at Justin’s lack of enthusiasm.

“No! You want to know what I want? I want to be with you, it’s all I ever wanted. I’m just scared, Brian. At least if we are friends, I know I’ll always be a part of your life. What if we try being together and it doesn’t work out? Then what will I have? I spent four years without you in my life. I don’t think I can go through that again.” Justin replied honestly. He could feel the tears building behind his eyes, but pushed them away in an attempt to be strong.

Brian took Justin in his arms and held him tight. He could understand his fears, because Brian was experiencing those same fears. He couldn’t even think about his life without Justin being a part of it, but he knew that he would never be happy with just being friends. He pulled back slightly and looked into Justin’s face, wanting to be sure the man could see what he was feeling. “Justin, those four years we were apart were the longest four years of my life. I have no intention of ever letting you out of my life again, and if things don’t work out between us we will just have to find a way to be friends. I promise you that I will always be there for you, no matter what, but I think we need to explore what we have. I…” Brian stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath before saying the words he never thought he would say. “I love you.”

Justin felt as if his heart had stopped beating. His ears were ringing and he was afraid to move for fear that he would wake up and find he was dreaming. He had been wanting to hear those words from Brian since the night they met, and now that he had, he thought his heart would burst with happiness. “I love you too, Brian.” He whispered, reaching his hand behind Brian’s neck and pulling him down for a deep kiss. The two men clumsily made their way back to the bedroom, never breaking contact as they were desperate to show their love for one another. All thoughts of work were forgotten.

Three hours later, Brian and Justin walked into the agency hand in hand, causing Cynthia to break out in a huge smile.

“Good morning, gentleman. You both look happy this morning.” She could see the love they had for each other on their faces and knew immediately that something had happened between them.

“We are happy. Justin and I have decided to give it another try.” Brian said, beaming with pride and happiness.

“That’s great, you two. I’m so happy for you. Does this mean you are going to be coming in late every morning?” She teased.

“No such luck, Cynthia. This was a one-shot deal. Justin and I just had some things to work out today. From now on, we‘ll just save our ‘talking‘ for nighttime.” Brian explained, watching Justin’s face turn red.

“Okay, then. I’ll just go to my office and get started.” Justin said, trying to hide his embarrassment.

As Justin tried to walk away, Brian grabbed him by the arm and kissed him quickly. “Later.” He said with a gleam in his eyes.

“Later.” Justin smiled back before walking away.

“Brian, I am so happy that you and Justin are back together. Don’t screw it up.” Cynthia said as she walked away.

“I have no intention of it.” Brian said to himself as he walked into his office, ready to start his day.

Justin was busy working on the Playtime Toys boards when Amber buzzed him that he had a phone call.

“Justin Taylor.” He answered, somewhat distracted.

“Hi, honey. I hate to bother you at work, but I have some bad news for you. Your landlord called again this morning. Apparently, the electrical problem was more serious than they thought. He has to rewire the whole apartment. You won’t be able to move in for another three weeks at least. He said that if you wanted out of the lease, he wouldn’t stop you. He feels really bad about the delay.” Jennifer explained, thankful for the extra time with her son.

“Shit! I guess I’ll start looking around for another place. I don’t want to wait any longer than I have to.” Justin sighed. He needed to get out of his mother’s house as soon as possible. Now that he and Brian were officially back together, she was bound to be even harder to live with.

“Justin, there’s no reason to look for something else. I love having you here, and there’s plenty of room.” Jennifer told him, saddened that her own son couldn’t wait to get out of her house.

“Mom, I love you, but our living together isn’t a good thing. I’m sorry, but I need my own space. You understand, don’t you?” He hated hearing his mother sound so sad, but he needed to do what was best for him.

“I guess so, honey. Well, I’ll let you get back to work. Will you be home for dinner?” She figured she’d make the most of the time she had.

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll call you and let you know. Bye, Mom.” Justin hung up the phone and sat back in his chair, trying to decide what to do next. He saw that it was lunchtime and figured he could run to the corner store and get a paper. He needed to find another place to live immediately. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Looking up, he saw Brian enter with a smile on his face.

“Hey, you ready for lunch? My treat.” Brian walked over and gave Justin a kiss on the cheek.

“Sorry, Brian, I can’t. I just talked to my mother. It appears that the minor electrical problem with my apartment was not so minor. It’s going to be another three weeks at least till I can move in, so I’m going to look for another place. I figured I’d run down to the store and grab a paper so I can start looking right away. I don’t know how much longer I can last with my mother.” Justin explained, wishing he could just go to lunch with Brian.

“I know a place where you can live. It’s really cheap and already furnished. In fact, it even comes with a hot looking roommate.” Brian chuckled, trying to hide his nervousness at suggesting Justin move into the loft. He knew, without a doubt, that he wanted him there. He just didn’t want to rush him.

“Brian, you’re not suggesting the loft, are you? Don’t you think it’s a little soon for that?” Justin asked, shocked by what Brian had suggested. He wanted to move in with Brian more than anything else, but was afraid to rush things.

“Justin, it’s not as if we just met. We’ve known each other for years. We’ve even lived together for a short time. I don’t see what the problem would be if you just moved in.” Brian explained.

“Brian, we haven’t even worked out all the rules of our relationship. What about when you want to bring tricks home? Or when you get tired of listening to me? You always said your loft was only big enough for one person. If I lived there, you would never have time to yourself.” Justin argued, hoping to get Brian to see what he was seeing.

“Justin, first of all, I won’t be bringing tricks home. I can’t promise that there will never be a blow job in the back room now and then, but my tricking days are just about over. I have you now. As for me getting tired of listening to you…I spent four years alone in the loft wishing I could hear your voice. I’ll never get tired of listening to you. I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want, but if you’re worried about me, don’t be. I want you there with me, every night when I fall asleep and every morning when I wake up. So, what do you say? We can have you moved in by the end of the week and have the whole weekend to lock ourselves in and fuck our brains out.” Brian searched Justin’s face for any signs of distress, but all he saw was happiness.

“I say yes!” Justin exclaimed as he threw himself into Brian’s arms, kissing him deeply. He felt like his dreams were finally coming true. As much as he missed Brian while he was away, he was beginning to think it was the best thing for them. They each had time to grow up a bit and decide what they wanted. Apparently, they wanted the same things. “I love you, Brian.” he whispered as he pulled back to look into his lover’s eyes.

“Me too, Sunshine.” Brian whispered back, confident that he had made the right choice. He felt complete for the first time in his life and he knew Justin was the reason for that. After all these years, he could finally say he was happy.


End of Part 15
10/24/03

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