Arms of Destiny

Chapter 13
 

Brian and Justin spent the day in the loft hanging out and working on their friendship. They laughed and joked like they didn't have a care in the world. There were times when Brian wanted to talk about what had happened to Justin, but he didn't want to ruin the day. By 9:00, Justin knew it was time to leave. They both wanted to get to the office early the next morning and Justin could see that Brian was getting tired, probably from their emotional evening the night before.

"Well, I guess I better get going. Thanks for letting me stay here this weekend. I had a good time. Definitely better than if I spent the weekend at my mother's," Justin laughed, as he grabbed his bag.

"Are you going to be okay tonight? We haven't even had a chance to talk about what happened." Brian asked, his voice filled with concern. He was worried about the nightmares and didn't want to think about Justin being alone if they were to come back. He knew the man would never confide in his mother if they did.

"Brian, I've been taking care of myself for four years now. I think I'll be okay, but thanks for worrying about me." He smiled his sunshine smile and gave Brian a soft kiss before heading to the door.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Brian said as he followed Justin to the door.

"I'll be there, bright and early. Later, Brian." Justin said as he walked down the stairs.

"Later." Brian said to his retreating form. He shut the door to the loft, hoping that everything would be okay. Justin was right. He had been taking care of himself for years, so there was nothing to worry about. Brian took a shower and then went over some files he had brought home from work, before heading to bed. He didn’t realize how exhausted he was until his head hit the pillow. He was sound asleep in minutes.

Brian awoke hours later to a pounding on the door. Glancing at the clock, he realized it was after 2:00 am. He jumped out of bed quickly and raced to the door, figuring it was an emergency. When he pulled back the door, he was surprised to see Justin standing there looking like he had seen a ghost with a hint of tears in his eyes.

“Justin?” Brian hesitated, unsure of what happened.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I was sleeping and there he was. I tried to get away, I really did. He was just so strong. I couldn’t get away!” Justin cried, looking down at the floor. He couldn’t look Brian in the eyes for fear of seeing disgust staring back at him.

Brian took Justin in his arms and helped him inside. After stopping to lock the door and set the alarm, he led him to the bedroom and began taking his clothes off. Justin seemed to be in some kind of trance, moving when he needed to aid Brian, but not responding to anything Brian was whispering in comfort. Once he was stripped down to his underwear, Brian pulled back the covers and helped him in bed, climbing in alongside of him and taking him in his arms. Justin seemed to snuggle up to Brian and they drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

When Justin woke up he looked around in a panic for a moment until he realized he was in the loft. Brian’s side of the bed was empty so Justin laid there for a moment, thinking back to the previous evening. He remembered telling Brian he would be okay when he left last night. He fell asleep fairly early and woke up in a panic from another nightmare, but for some reason this one was worse. He couldn’t seem to pull himself together after it was over. All he could think about was being in Brian’s arms again. Without thinking, he dressed and jumped in the car driving as fast as he could to get to the loft. The minute he saw Brian standing at the door he felt safe. He remembered Brian undressing him and helping him to bed. Drifting off to sleep in the older man’s arms was sheer heaven. Now, in the light of day all he felt was shame. He was 22 years old and couldn't seem to sleep by himself. Hearing the bathroom door open, Justin looked up and was once again startled by the heat he always felt just from looking at Brian.

“Hey. How are you feeling this morning?” Brian asked as he approached the bed. He could see the dark circles under Justin’s eyes again and cursed the man who did this to him.

“Better. I’m sorry, Brian. I never should have come here last night. I don’t know what happened. The nightmare was worse than ever and I couldn’t seem to shake it off. I just needed to see...I mean I needed to get out of the house. Somehow I ended up here.” Justin explained, hoping Brian didn’t pick up on his little slip. He didn’t think it was a good time to tell him that every time he wakes up from a nightmare, all he wants is Brian.

“Justin, I told you that I am here for you and I meant that. You are welcome here anytime. In fact, I’m going to give you a key so if this should happen again, all you have to do is come over and get into bed. Your nightmare was probably worse because we were talking about what happened. I still think you should talk to someone. I’m sure they can help you more than I can.” Brian said, hoping to get through to him.

“Brian, I’m not going to some therapist so they can tell me that what I’m feeling is normal and it will pass. I’ll be fine. Your right, it was probably because of talking about it. Now stop worrying about me. I’m going to take a shower since I have to go home to get clothes before going to the office. Thanks again for coming to my rescue.” Justin headed into the bathroom and shut the door, signaling the end of the conversation.

Brian thought about what Justin had said. He wished he had come to Justin's rescue, but he wasn't there when he was needed. Rationally, he knew that what had happened hadn't been his fault, but he couldn't help feeling guilty for not being there. He promised himself that from that moment on, he would be there when Justin needed him, no matter what. He finished getting ready for work, pushing aside his emotions until he had more time to dwell on them.

Brian had been having a hard time concentrating on work and by noon he came to the conclusion that the day was wasted. He was lost in thought and jumped when he heard a knock on his door.

"Come in." He called, rising from his desk and walking over to the window.

"Brian? Is something wrong? Usually by now you would have made about thirty demands on my time." Cynthia joked, sensing something going on within the man.

"Nothing you need to worry about, Cyn. I just have a lot of things on my mind right now." Brian explained. He would really love to have Cynthia's opinion of what he learned, but he knew he couldn't break Justin's confidence.

"Bad weekend?" She questioned.

"Actually, I had a good weekend, except I learned something very disturbing and I'm not exactly sure what I should do about it." Brian knew that was an understatement, but he didn’t want to let on the severity of the situation.

“I’m here if you want to talk about it.” Cynthia offered, hating to see the sadness in her friend’s eyes.

“I know, Cynthia, thanks. It’s not my place to talk about it. I would be breaking a confidence and I can’t do that.” Brian told her.

“This has to do with Justin, doesn’t it? I noticed he has bags matching yours under his eyes this morning.” Cynthia pointed out. She assumed that they were together this weekend by the way they greeted each other when Justin arrived earlier, but now it was obvious that it wasn’t a very good weekend. Something had happened that upset them both and as much as she knew it wasn’t her business, she was curious as to what put the sadness in both their eyes.

“Yes, it is. Now I don’t want to be rude, but would you mind dropping it? I really can’t talk about Justin with anyone.” Brian smiled to take the sting out of his words.

“Consider it dropped. Do you want anything for lunch? I’m running down to the deli at the corner.” Cynthia asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah, get me a turkey on whole wheat, no mayo. Here’s some money, see what Justin wants, too. My treat.” Brian insisted, handing her some cash.

“Thanks, Boss. I’ll be back in a bit. Remember, Amber called in sick today so there is no one to answer the phones. I’ll direct them to your phone till I get back.” Cynthia said as she walked out the door.

“Fine, but hurry up then. You know I hate people.” Brian called after her. He could hear her laughter through the door. He hated answering the phone, which was why he hired a receptionist before he even hired his art director.

About twenty minutes later, the phone started to ring. Looking at it like there was a bomb strapped to it, Brian hesitated before answering.

“Just In Time Advertising, Brian Kinney speaking.” He barked into the phone.

“Uh...hello, Brian. It’s...Jennifer. I was looking for Justin. Is he busy?” Jennifer stammered. She was surprised to hear Brian answer the phone.

“Hello, Jennifer. Let me see if he’s available.” Brian replied in his best business voice. He put her on hold and buzzed Justin’s office.

“Yeah,” Justin answered, sounding out of breath.

“Hey, Sunshine. Your mother’s on the phone. Do you have time to talk to her?” He asked, feeling a strange tightening in his groin by the sound of Justin’s breathless voice.

“Not really. I am kind of in the middle of something. Could you take a message? Tell her I’ll call her back.” Justin said absentmindedly.

“Is everything okay? Do you need any help?” Brian could tell that Justin was distracted.

“Everything is fine. I’m just in the middle of going through the rest of the files we talked about and I have them spread out across the floor. I kind of have a mess on my hands and I want to finish what I’m doing so I can clean everything up. I know for a fact that the boss is a stickler for neatness.” Justin joked, looking around at the mess he made.

“Not always. I know for a fact that sometimes he likes to get down and dirty.” Brian laughed back. “I’ll tell her you’re in a meeting and will call her when you get out. Let me know if you need me.” Brian told him, disconnecting the call.

Justin looked at the phone in his hand and couldn’t help the flutter he felt at Brian’s words. If only the man knew how much Justin needed him. He pushed those thoughts aside and went back to the files on the floor.

Brian took a deep breath before taking Jennifer off hold. “Sorry, Jennifer. He’s in a meeting. Do you want me to give him a message for you?” Brian was using all of his willpower to keep his voice emotionless. He couldn’t help but blame her for the horror Justin had to live through. It was bad enough that Justin ran away from his friends and family trying to save a marriage that was destined to end, but what really bothered him was that she never noticed Justin was in pain. Why didn’t she notice a change in him after the attack? Didn’t she even see him during that time? He was brought out of his thoughts by her unexpected question.

“Brian, what’s going on with you and my son?” Her voice was cold.

“What do you mean? I’m his boss, he works for me.” Brian answered, knowing that wasn’t what she was talking about.

“Brian, I’m not stupid. I know that you two have been getting closer since he moved back home. If fact, I’m willing to bet my biggest commission that he was with you this weekend. I want to know what’s going on.” She demanded.

“Jennifer, whatever may or may not be going on between Justin and me is none of your business. If you think otherwise, I suggest you talk to your son.” Brian looked up to see Justin standing in the doorway.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get involved with him again. I’m asking you to stay away from him.” Jennifer knew that she was taking a chance asking this of Brian, but she didn’t want to see her son suffer like he did before he went to Dartmouth. She never really knew exactly what their relationship was about, but she knew Justin was constantly on a roller coaster of emotions.

“Look, Jennifer. I told you before that what goes on between us is none of your business. I’ll be sure to tell him you called. Have a nice day.” Brian said cheerfully, hanging up the phone. He looked over at Justin with a smile on his face.

“Let me guess. She told you to stay away from me. She didn’t think it was a good idea for us to be together.” Justin quoted the words that his mother repeated to him every chance she got.

“I take it you’ve heard it all before. Didn’t you explain to her that we are just friends? Brian asked, knowing full well that they were a little more than that.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact I did. For some reason, she doesn’t want to believe me. I wonder why that is?” Justin asked as he approached the older man, stopping inches from him.

“Could it be because we were never able to be friends?” Brian asked, looking into those deep blue eyes.

“I think you might have a point there, but that was a long time ago. Things are different now, right?” Brian could feel the electricity bouncing between the two of them.

“Things are definitely different now. I think it’s safe to say that we are friends, nothing more.” Justin could hear the quiet passion in his own voice.

“Yeah, nothing more.” Brian replied before swooping down and taking Justin’s mouth in a passionate kiss. All thoughts of Jennifer were gone as the men devoured each other, unaware of their surroundings, until they heard someone clear her throat from the doorway.

“I’ve got lunch! Who’s hungry?” Cynthia said with a smile and a gleam in her eyes.

Brian and Justin pulled away and looked at each other before laughing at the situation they found themselves in. Justin could feel his face turning red at being caught in Brian’s embrace, but Brian just had that self-satisfied smirk he always wore when he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.

“I think you should start wearing a bell so everyone hears you coming.” Brian joked, as he took their lunch to his desk.

“Then I would miss all the fun.” She joked back, happy to see the two men getting along so well.

“How 'bout we just have our lunch and forget this ever happened?” Justin suggested, his embarrassment growing by the minute.

“We can have our lunch, Sunshine, but if you think I’m going to forget that kiss, you obviously don’t know the power you have.” Brian replied, honestly. Maybe the day wasn’t a complete waste after all.


End of part 13
10/16/03

Return to Arms of Destiny