Arms of Destiny

Chapter 10
 

Brian sat there, looking into Justin’s eyes, waiting for the answer to the question that had been plaguing him for years. He knew that now was probably not the best time to discuss the past. They both had been drinking all night and the topic of conversation would have been better left to talking about the weather, but he couldn’t stop himself. The alcohol, while not making him drunk, gave him the courage to ask the question he had been to afraid to ask. Now all he had to do was wait for the answer. Maybe it didn’t matter anymore, but he needed to know why Justin disappeared without looking back.

Justin was staring at the floor, trying to come up with the words to explain why he walked away like he did. He was surprised that Brian had still cared after all these years and wanted to make sure he explained what he was thinking back then. He took a deep breath before he began.

“Brian. Let me just say that I am sorry that I left without saying goodbye to everyone. I felt it was what I had to do. If I had told you I was leaving, you would have tried to get me to stay again, and I knew that wasn‘t an option. I had to try to save my parents marriage and I figured that going to Dartmouth was the only way. Yeah, it didn’t work, but at least I can say I tried. I had caused them so much pain, and before you say it, I know that we cause our own pain. You have to see things from my point of view. My parents seemed to be the happy couple until I came out. I figured that if I did what my father wanted, he would be happy and they could work out their problems. I planned on calling after I got settled but as time went by, it just seemed harder to make the call. I was afraid that no one would want to talk to me anymore. I was a coward, I guess. I just figured it was easier to live without saying goodbye then to have everyone hate me. If I could go back and do things differently, I would, but it’s too late to turn back time now. All I can do is apologize and hope that everyone can forgive me.” Justin explained, hoping that Brian would chose to forgive him.

“You know Sunshine, I understand why you would want to keep the news to yourself until the day you left. You are right. I would have tried to talk you out of it. I just couldn’t believe that you would leave without so much as a goodbye. All those months, you tried to get me to believe that you cared for me. I let you get closer to me then I’ve ever let anybody else and then you disappear. You just proved my point to never let anyone get close.” Brian admitted, not even bothering to hide his pain.

“You let me get close? How do you figure that? By letting me watch you trick every night? You never gave me anything to stay for. You never once showed me that I was more then just a trick that wouldn’t go away!” Justin exclaimed, feeling tears building behind his eyes. He didn’t want to let Brian know how much he still cared, but the alcohol they had consumed had other ideas.

“I have never had a trick that wouldn’t go away before you. I never had the same trick twice. That alone should have told you that you were different. You know I was never good at expressing my feelings. I didn’t even understand them myself. I was trying my best to show you how I felt by keeping you around and you threw it back into my face when you walked away. I will never make that mistake again. From now on I will make sure to keep everyone at a safe distance. It’s easier that way.” Brian replied jumping up from the bed and walking towards the window. He hated opening up to anybody and was cursing himself for showing Justin his feelings.

Justin was shocked by what Brian had just revealed and wasn’t sure what to do with the information he just learned. He watched Brian standing over by the window and in his somewhat drunken state needed to feel closer to the man he loved. He slowly approached Brian wrapping his arms around the man, ignoring the way Brian stiffened at the touch.

“Brian. I am so sorry for not understanding what you were feeling. I never meant to hurt you. I need to know that you forgive me for walking away. If we are going to be friends, you can’t hold a grudge after all these years.” Justin stated, hoping to put the past behind them and move on. He wanted to have a friendship with Brian more then anything else.

Brian didn’t know how to respond to what Justin was saying. He decided, when he agreed to let Justin continue working at the agency, that they needed to put the past behind them and become friends. Now that the offer was on the table, he wasn’t sure if he could be friends and not cross the line. Knowing that he needed to make some kind of peace offering, he turned around to accept Justin’s apology. Once they were standing face to face, all conscious thought left Brian and he attacked Justin’s mouth with all the pent up passion that had been building inside since the last time they were together. The minute their lips met, Brian could feel the heat between the two of them and the familiar tightening in his groin. He groaned as he deepened the kiss, lost in his former lover’s embrace.

Justin was overcome with emotion the minute Brian’s mouth descended on his. He immediately parted his lips, allowing Brian the entry he was searching for. As the kiss deepened, Justin knew it was a mistake, but he couldn’t seem to find the willpower to stop what was happening. He decided to let things happen and worry about the consequences in the morning. Justin allowed himself to be dragged over to the bed and began to remove Brian’s clothes as he went. He had dreamed of this moment for four years and now that it was actually happening, he wanted to make the most of it.

Brian knew that what they were doing was wrong, but after all the alcohol they consumed and dancing like they used to, he couldn’t seem to help himself. He devoured Justin’s mouth as he steered him over to the bed, allowing his clothes to be removed as they went. The only conscious thought he had was how much he needed to be inside of Justin, to feel his warmth wrapped around his aching cock. Once he was naked, Brian quickly removed Justin’s clothes and pushed him back on the bed, covering the beautiful body with his own. He began to kiss his way down Justin’s body with a passion he had never felt before. When his mouth reached the hard, leaking cock he took it in his mouth and was pleased with the moan of pleasure he heard. After a few minutes of sucking, Brian heard Justin speak and looked up into two beautiful, lust filled eyes.

“Brian. Make love to me.” Justin whispered, feeling as though he would explode if he didn’t have Brian inside of him.

Seeing the blond so full of lust caused Brian’s heart to flutter and he rose off the bed to go get a condom and lube from his pants pocket. He was glad that he decided to come prepared, just in case. Hearing Justin groan at the loss, Brian reassured him as he went.

“I’m just going to get a condom. I’ll be right back.” Brian explained as he made his way across the room. He returned to find Justin staring at him in wonder.

“God, you are still beautiful.” Justin said as Brian climbed back on the bed between his legs.

Brian felt a tingle down his spine at those words and quickly rolled the condom on his cock. He lubed his fingers and slowly inserted two into Justin’s waiting hole. Feeling Justin stiffen at the intrusion, he gave the blond time to adjust before pushing in and out of the warm hole, preparing Justin for the next step. Once he was sure Justin was ready, he pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his cock, lost in the joy of being inside Justin again. He felt like he was finally home.

Justin felt Brian’s fingers slip from his hole, but didn’t have time to feel the emptiness before feeling Brian slide himself in. It was a feeling that Justin had missed so much in their time apart and he couldn’t stop the tears that were building behind his eyes. All thoughts ceased when Brian started to thrust in and out and Justin knew it wouldn’t be long before he exploded. He reached up and pulled Brian down in an earth shattering kiss, wanting as much contact as he could get. The feeling of having his cock trapped between their two bodies was sending him over the edge and he wanted Brian to go with him.

“Brian…” he growled, unable to say anything more.

“That’s it, Sunshine, come with me…” Brian said, as he felt Justin’s muscles tighten around him.

The two men came together, each lost in their own explosive orgasm. Neither said a word, trying to get their breathing back under control. Brian recovered first and let his softening dick slip out of Justin as he rolled away to dispose of the condom. He then rolled back and took Justin in his arms, not ready to break their connection for the moment.

Justin happily laid in Brian’s arms, pushing away thoughts of what was going to happen next. He knew that they couldn’t just pick up where they left off, but he wasn’t sure where they were going to go from there. As he drifted off to sleep, Justin felt complete for the first time since leaving Pittsburgh.

Brian watched Justin sleep peacefully in his arms and he knew that he needed to get out of there. His emotions were too close to the surface and he needed some space to try to sort them out. Climbing out of bed, he headed to the bathroom to take a shower, wanting to clear his mind. After a quick shower, he dried off and got dressed, determined to leave when he saw Justin start thrashing around on the bed. Figuring it was just a dream, Brian was walking towards the door when he heard Justin shouting in his sleep. He couldn’t quite make out what was being said, but it was obvious that whatever was going on in Justin’s dream, it wasn’t good. He approached the bed, not sure of what to do. He could see Justin getting more agitated by the moment and reached out to wake him up. Before he actually touched him, Justin jumped up in bed with a wild look in his eyes. His breathing was labored and there were tears streaming down his face. It was obvious that he was confused as to where he was and Brian took him in his arms, trying to comfort him.

“Justin. It’s okay. I’m right here and everything is okay. Take a deep breath and try to calm down.” Brian said softly as he stroked Justin’s back. He could feel the kid shaking and was starting to understand why Justin didn’t sleep much at night.

“Bri…Brian? What are you doing here? Where are we?” Justin asked, trying to get a grip on his surroundings. After a few moments, he began to calm down and suddenly realized what had happened. He had another nightmare, only this time Brian was there to witness it. He looked up into hazel eyes and felt foolish knowing that his secret was out.

“Justin. Are you okay? I was getting worried there for a minute.” Brian said as he pulled back to look into Justin’s face. He could see the fear lessening and figured he was settling down a bit.

“I’m okay. It was just a little nightmare. I’ll be fine.” He replied, taking in the fact that Brian was dressed. He must have been making his escape when the nightmare started. His heart sank when he realized that Brian was going to leave without even talking about what happened between them.

“A little nightmare? That seemed like more then a little nightmare to me. What’s going on, Justin? Is this why you don’t sleep much at night?” Brian asked, wondering what the nightmares were about.

“Look Brian. It’s no big deal. I can see you were on your way out so why don’t you just go. I’ll be okay. I’ve learned how to take care of myself.” Justin said as he rose from the bed and pulled on the robe that had been in the chair. He needed to be alone for awhile to try to get himself together.

“Justin…” Brian tried to talk about what happened, but Justin wouldn’t let him.

“Brian. Just go.” Justin demanded before walking into the bathroom and shutting Brian out.

Brian watched Justin walk into the bathroom and close the door. Realizing that there was no way he was going to get through to the blond tonight, he walked out of the hotel room promising himself that he would return in the morning. Justin was going to talk to him whether he liked it or not.


End of part 10
9/11/03

Return to Arms of Destiny