Breathless

Chapter Six

TWO MONTHS LATER--CHRISTMAS DAY

Justin woke up and stretched, glancing at his wall calendar. December twenty-fifth. Christmas...

Justin had forgotten that it was Christmas. Of course, he had never liked Christmas... so he had probably forced himself to forget that it was that time again. Shaking his head, he tried not to think of all of his past Christmases. The ten year old got up and dressed, then walked downstairs. Looking out a window, he saw that the sun was just starting to rise. Hearing somebody coming down the stairs, he turned around and saw Molly walking toward him.

She gave him a smile and said, "Merry Christmas!" Justin remained silent. "I went to your room to get you up, but didn't see you. How long have you been up?"

Justin shrugged. "A few minutes."

"What made you get up so early?"

"Just did."

Molly nodded, her eyes sad. She wished that she and Justin could talk and get to know each other. Even though she had had custody of him for three months, things weren't going well. He still only talked to her when he had to and he didn't like being alone with her. 'I guess that all I can do is keep trying,' Molly thought. She just hoped that, eventually, Justin would give her a chance. "So," Molly asked trying to get a conversation started, "are you excited to see what Santa brought you?"

"Not really. Besides, there's no such thing as Santa," Justin replied. It wasn't a bitter tone, just a matter-of-fact tone. A tone that Molly thought had no place in a ten year old boy. But she knew that he had lived a rough life and that he had had to grow up fast. Before Molly could respond, Justin walked away heading back up the stairs. Sighing, Molly headed to the kitchen and and started breakfast.

TWO HOURS LATER

Breakfast had been a silent affair with everyone lost in their own thoughts. Molly was thinking about Justin, Justin was thinking about how much he wanted Christmas to be over, and Lindsay and Melanie were worrying over Molly and Justin. Now, the three adults were cleaning the kitchen while Justin had been sent to his room to get ready to go to Deb's. They were going to have a 'family' day at Deb's, for Christmas, consisting of opening presents, eating dinner, and just having fun... hopefully.

Up in his room, Justin had finished getting dressed and was sitting on his bed. He wasn't looking forward to celebrating Christmas. He knew that people thought he was weird... he was ten and not the least bit interested in Christmas. He could care less what he received. Maybe if people knew what had happened every year at Christmas, they would be able to understand. But he *was* looking forward to seeing Brian. Over the past couple of months, he and Brian had gotten closer. He really looked up to the older boy and knew he was safe with him. Brian had become like his best friend.

There was a light knock on his open door. Looking up from staring at the floor, thinking about Brian, he saw Melanie standing there. "Ready, Kiddo?" she asked.

With a slight nod of his head, he stood up and followed her downstairs. Five minutes later, they were on their way to Debbie's.

Twenty minutes later, they pulled up and parked in front of Debbie's house. When they walked inside, they saw that everyone else was there. Emmett and Ted were sitting on the couch talking, Debbie was in the kitchen making sure everything would be ready to cook for dinner, and Vic was sitting on the floor with Brian and Michael. Justin had to fight to keep the smile off his face at the sight of Brian. He couldn't understand why he always wanted to smile when he was close to the older boy... he had hardly ever smiled in his young life. As if feeling eyes on him, Brian looked up and his hazel eyes locked with blue ones.

Brian gave Justin a genuine smile and waved him over. Brian didn't know what it was about the blond boy, but he felt protective of him. And, whenever he saw Justin... he felt happier. Telling himself that it was just protective feelings towards a friend that had had a rough life, Brian greeted Justin when he reached them.

"Hey, Justin. Excited for Christmas?" asked Vic.

Trying not to show any annoyance, Justin shook his head. Seeing something... pain... in Justin's eyes, Vic was going to change the subject. But before he got the chance, Michael spoke up.

"Not excited? How can you be *not* excited for Christmas?!" His loud exclamation had drawn everyone's attention.

"Michael..." Brian started in a warning voice.

"I wanna know, B." Turning his attention back to Justin, he asked, "What kind of person, or kid, doesn't get excited for Christmas? That's weird, man!"

Blushing at the attention and from what Michael said, Justin didn't say anything. He just stood up quickly and hurried out of the house. Everyone's eyes turned to Michael, who looked down shamefully. Too late, he realized what he had done.

"Nice one, Mikey," Brian said sarcastically.

"Ow!" Michael whined when Debbie hit him upside the head with her dishtowel. Brian started to stand up, but Michael beat him to it. "No, no, let me. It's my fault he's outside."

Walking out the front door, Michael saw Justin sitting on the porch swing. Sitting down beside him, they were both silent for a couple of minutes. Then, Michael spoke. "I'm... uh... sorry. I shouldn't have embarrassed you like that." Letting a small chuckle escape, he added, "Sometimes my mouth overruns my brain."

Justin nodded, "I know." Justin showed Michael a small smile and said, "I forgive you. It's not your fault that you don't understand about Christmas."

"You don't have to tell me anything. I shouldn't have said what I said. You're not weird."

Turning so that he could face Michael, Justin said, "I wanna tell you." Taking a deep breath, he started. "From the time I can remember, Christmas was never a happy time at my house. Craig and Jennifer would fight. Then the punches and furniture would start flying. Mo--Jennifer would try to stay out of Craig's way. I would get punished, always for somethin' I never did. Then my presents would be taken away and I never saw them. I would never get to finish dinner." After a slight pause, Justin continued. "It would get so loud that I always wondered why nobody ever investigated. Why didn't anyone ever come to see what was goin' on?"

Michael saw tears starting to roll down Justin's face and he wrapped his arms around the younger boy in a hug. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Jus. But everything will be different now. And you'll start to love Christmas. Mom makes the best food and we all always have a ton of fun!"

Justin pulled out of Michael's hug and wiped his eyes with his hands. "If you say so. But Christmas has always been a bad time for me." Before Michael could say anything else, Justin added, "Let's go inside. I'm *freezing*!"

Justin had rushed outside without his coat and gloves and Michael could see him trembling. Standing up, they started to walk inside. Throwing his arm around Justin's shoulders, Michael said, "This will be your best Christmas. I really think that you'll love it."

Justin gave Michael a genuine smile, not the sunshine smile that he would always give Brian, but it was close.

LATER THAT NIGHT---11PM

Justin was lying in his bed, thinking about the day. For once, besides the Michael incident, Christmas had been fun. He had never known that Christmas could be something to enjoy. They had all had a great big Christmas dinner that Debbie and Vic had cooked. There had been a honey-glazed ham, mashed potatoes with gravy, green bean casserole, rolls, a chocolate cake shaped like Santa Claus, and fudge brownies. The whole meal had been delicious!

After dinner, Vic had read the Christmas Story... doing different voices. After that, they had all opened presents. Justin had felt bad not having anything to give, but they had all assured him that it was alright. He had received a CD player from Debbie and Michael, two CD's from Brian, a sketch book in leather binding from Vic, charcoal and sketch pencils from Lindsay and Melanie, a pink sweater that Emmett had made himself, and a book of Edgar Allan Poe poems from Ted.

He had truly loved all of his gifts, even the pink sweater... he had never received a present before. But he didn't know if he would use the sketchbook and pencils.... every time he thought about it, he would flashback to all of the beatings that he got from Craig for sketching.

He hadn't received anything from Molly, but he didn't allow himself to think about it. A knock on the door pulled him out of his ten year old musings. "Come in!" he called.

The door opened and Molly poked her head in. When she saw that Justin was still wide-awake, she walked in and sat down on the foot of his bed. Justin saw that she was holding a box and waited for her to speak.

After a couple of minutes, Molly turned to face him and started talking. "You probably thought that I didn't care enough to get you anything for Christmas." Justin just shrugged. "Well, that's not true. I wanted to give you this," she said as she glanced at the box, "but I wanted to do it in private." With that said, she handed him the box.

Justin timidly took it and took off the lid. Inside were pictures, a plaque of baby hand and feet imprints, and a pair of baby shoes that had been bronzed. "What... is this?" he whispered.

"It's stuff I took with me when I left you with Craig and Jennifer. That's all I had left of you." Tears welling in her eyes, Molly continued. "I love you Justin. I have since I found out that I was pregnant with you. I was young, fifteen, when I had you. I didn't care, though. I had every intention of raising you... always being there for you.

"But I allowed Jennifer and Craig to convince me that it would be best if I left you with them and left the house forever. I didn't wan to, but Craig had connections. I didn't want you to end up in a foster home or anything, so I gave in to them. I *never* thought that they would treat you the way that they did.

"Craig always wanted a son... was disappointed when I was born. I thought that he would be happy that he had you... I am *so* sorry! Can you forgive me? Can we start to try and build a mother-son relationship?"

Justin saw Molly crying and felt a little of the iciness he felt toward her thawing. Tears were slowly making tracks down his own face. He nodded. "We can try... it'll take time."

With that sentence, Molly was once-again reminded that Justin had had to grow up fast. She was just happy that he was willing to try. She gave him a watery smile and asked, "Can I hug you?"

After a minute's hesitation, he nodded. She wrapped her arms around him and held on for several minutes. Pulling back, both of their eyes still wet, she asked, "Want me to tell you about everything in this box?"

Allowing a brief smile to escape, Justin nodded.

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