Breathless

Chapter Four

"Well, have a seat, cutie!" said a smiling Debbie.

Justin waited as everyone sat down, before taking a seat between Brian and Michael. Debbie and Vic finished setting all of the dishes on the table. From what Justin could see, there was a lasagna dish with hamburger and lots of sauce mixed into it. Plus, there was mashed potatoes with gravy, peas, and he could see a double fudge chocolate cake sitting on the stove.

As Debbie sat a glass of milk in front of Justin, he couldn't help but think, 'Great! Everything's messy to eat!' He tried not to show his panic. He was hungry, but he was scared to eat anything. When he was with Craig and Jennifer, he used to get beaten when he would make any type of mess. So, finally, he had learned how to avoid making messes. And, not eating messy food, was at the top of his list!

"Dig in, Justin. Everyone just helps themselves," said Lindsay. Justin just gave her a smile to acknowledge that he had heard her, but he made no move to get anything. Hopefully, they would just let it drop. A few minutes later, Debbie noticed that Justin wasn't eating. In fact, he had *nothing* on his plate. A fact that did not set well with Debbie. Laying her fork beside her plate, she looked at Justin. "Justin, why aren't you eating? Don't tell me that you don't like any of this food!"

Justin gave her a weak smile, which disappeared as everyone around the table looked at him.

"What's the matter, Justin?" demanded Molly. "You need to eat." Justin ignored her, not even looking at her.

Brian immediately knew what was wrong with Justin and, frankly, he was  surprised that nobody else knew. "Justin... look at me," Brian firmly but gently said.

Justin slowly turned his head to the right and looked into Brian's hazel eyes. After a slight pause, Brian said, "You're afraid to eat, aren't you?" Justin didn't reply, but Brian could see the answer in Justin's blue eyes. Continuing, Brian stated, "It's because of the food. You're afraid you'll make a mess."

Justin merely shrugged. Brian nodded in understanding as he picked up his fork. Brian scooped up a good sized bite with his fork and started it toward his mouth. Just as Brian was about to put the food in to his mouth, it slipped off of the fork and onto his shirt and the table, leaving behind hamburger, cheese, noodles, and sauce. "Aw, shit!" Brian exclaimed as he made a face, scrunching up his nose. Justin couldn't help it... he started to giggle. As did everyone else around the table.

Brian hid his smile, leveling a glare at everyone around the table. In reality, he didn't mind the laughing. He had succeeded with what he had been trying to do... he had made Justin laugh and relax somewhat. Catching Debbie's eye, she winked at him letting him know that she knew what he had done.

All of a sudden, Justin quit laughing and looked scared. Noticing, Brian asked, "What's the matter, J?"

Ignoring him, Justin talked to Debbie, "He didn't mean to do it!" Everyone could tell that Justin was getting ready to panic.

Michael gently laid his hand on Justin's left shoulder, quickly removing it when Justin flinched. "Justin, don't worry. Ma knows that Brian didn't mean it. It's a mess... not a big deal," Michael gently said.

Justin couldn't believe it. Brian had made a mess and everyone was acting like it was no big deal. He wasn't used to that!

"Justin---," started Molly. Justin didn't let her say anything else as he jumped up and ran out the back door, leaving everyone concerned.

Molly started to stand up at the same time that Brian did. "I'll go, Molly. He might feel more comfortable talking to me." After a slight hesitation, Molly nodded her head in agreement. Brian walked out the back door, seeing Justin on the grass a little ways away from the house. He had just met the blond boy, so he didn't understand why his heart was breaking at the downtrodden look on the boy's young face.Taking a deep breath, he started making his way toward Justin.

Justin could hear someone walking up behind him, and he knew that it was Brian although he didn't know how he knew that. But he didn't bother to turn around or look up.

Once he reached Justin's side, Brian stood still and looked down at the blond's bowed head. Staying silent, he sat down beside Justin. He knew that Justin would talk when he was ready. A few minutes later, Brian was proven right when Justin spoke.

"My da--, well my grandfather I guess, used to get really mad when I would make a mess. He would... smack me and use a belt on me. I learned to not
make messes. If we were having food for dinner that was messy, I wouldn't eat. He didn't care. Jennifer wouldn't do anything about what he did." Sighing, Justin asked, "I guess you and everyone else think I'm crazy?"

Brian gently tilted Justin's chin up, until they were looking into each other's eyes. Shaking his head, Brian said, "No. None of us think that. Although, there are several people inside that are very concerned. Me, included."

Justin shrugged, remaining silent. Brian asked, "You're waiting for the same thing to happen to you, aren't you? You're waiting to get beat." When Justin didn't disagree, Brian continued. "That's over Justin. You have to believe me. You're safe now."

Studying Brian's face, Justin asked, "How do you know so much about what I'm thinking and feeling?"

After a moment's silence, Brian answered. "The same thing used to happen to me. Until I was five. Then, I was removed from my house after Jack caused too much damage. I ended up with Debbie, Vic, and Michael. I was with them for a year when Debbie adopted me."

"You have a different name, though," Justin commented.

Brian nodded, "Yeah. She left my last name the same. And I'm glad that she did. Even though the Kinney name holds bad memories, sometimes, I want to make the name mean something different. Something good. I plan to make a huge success of myself *and* the Kinney name."

Justin smiled as Brian talked to him as an equal, even though there was four years difference. Brian was taken aback by Justin's smile. It was the first full-fledged smile that Justin had let any of them see and Brian felt like the sun was shining just on him.

"So... what did your father do to you? To get them to finally take you away?" asked Justin.

"I'll tell you... one day."

"Craig beat me with a belt...." Justin said, trailing off.

Seeing Justin's eyes starting to cloud over, Brian stood up. Knowing better than to touch Justin uninvited, Brian said, "Come on. Sunshine. There's
some food with our name on it!"

Justin huffed out a laugh as he stood up and started to walk to the back porch, with Brian. "Why did you call me Sunshine?" he asked.

Brian shrugged. "It suits you." Justin smiled, liking that Brian had a nickname for him. He didn't know why, but he felt so safe with Brian. But he was also wary of these feelings. He didn't care what Brian said... he was just waiting for things to start going the way they had before.

When Justin and Brian walked back into the kitchen, talk stopped and all eyes were on them.

"Everything alright?" demanded Debbie.

Brian nodded while Justin remained silent. Giving his mother a look, Brian tried to convey for the discussion to be dropped for right now. Catching the look in her fourteen year old's eyes, Debbie complied. "Well, let's all get back to eating," Debbie said with a smile. After Justin and Brian were seated, again, everyone was glad to see Justin dish himself out some of the food. Evidently, whatever Brian had said had worked.

LATER THAT NIGHT---11PM

Lindsay and Melanie had gone to bed and Justin was settling under the covers in his bed, when there was a slight knock on the bedroom door. A second later, the door was opening.

Molly stepped into the room. "Justin, I just wanted to see how you are. After what happened at Deb's---"

Justin interrupted, "I'm fine, Molly."

Molly sighed as she sat down on the end of his bed and looked at him. "Justin... I love you. I always have. What can I do to fix things?"

Justin just shrugged. He didn't, *couldn't*, believe that Molly had always loved him. If she had, she wouldn't have abandoned him, when he was a baby, to go through what he did. She would've cared that he was being hurt.

"I truly am sorry," Molly said softly. "I *never* thought that they'd hurt you or I never would have left you with them. I thought it was for the
best...."

Justin didn't cry, he couldn't. He stared at Molly blankly for a moment, then turned his back to her and laid down. He knew that he wouldn't be able to get much sleep, if any. He never did. He always had nightmares and thoughts running through his head. He heard Molly sigh softly, then he heard his bedroom door closing. Fighting back the tears, Justin stared into the darkness of the room.

THE NEXT MORNING--9AM

Justin sat in math class, suffering through another day at school. It seemed like everyone knew that he was now living with his birth mother and what had happened to him. It seemed like everyone had known the minute he had been admitted to the hospital. And, for the past week his life at school had been hell. The teachers were acting overly sympathetic when, before, they had done nothing. And, most of the other kids were bullying Justin. It had been going on before, but now it was worse. Hearing the bell ringing, signaling the end of class, Justin got up and walked out of the room into the hall.

All of a sudden, Justin was shoved from behind. Stumbling, he managed to catch himself before he fell and dropped his backpack. Turning around, he
came face to face with one of the school's worst bullies. Todd Smith. Todd had been bullying him for three years, ever since the second grade. Justin
didn't know why. 'I guess I just attract these people. First my par--Craig and Jennifer, then school bullies,' thought Justin.

"Hey, Taylor," sneered Todd. They were already starting to draw an audience. The other children were circling them, waiting to see what would happen. Justin didn't say anything, he didn't want to make matters worse. He was hoping that he would be able to walk away without any pain.

Todd pushed Justin, again. When Justin didn't do anything, Todd snorted. "No wonder your real momma and your parenta have never wanted or loved ya. You're nothin' but a pathetic freak!" With that, Todd threw a punch and caught Justin in the right eye. Justin stumbled back, hitting the back of his head into a closed locker. Justin couldn't help the hiss of pain that escaped his mouth.

Todd pushed Justin to the floor and started raining punches onto his face and stomach, while the other children yelled, "FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Justin covered his head with his hands, while trying to block Todd's punches. Todd just kept giving him the most feral smile a ten year old can give. Justin had had enough, he caught Todd in the stomach with his right fist. The boy grunted in pain and rolled off of Justin. Justin, then, punched Todd in the nose, causing the boy to yell and hold his nose. Just then, two male teachers hurried forward and grabbed both boys.

"Show's over. Get to class. All of you!" commanded Mr. Rikens, the teacher keeping a hold on Justin. As the students started to depart Mr. Rikens and Mr. Holland, the two male teachers, marched Justin and Todd to the nurse's office. After it was determined that both boys were fine, they were taken to the principal's office.

A few minutes later, Justin and Todd were sitting in front of the stern-looking principal. "Now, would one of you boys like to tell me what happened?"

When neither boy spoke, the principal, Mr. Wallis, tried again. "What were you fighting about?"

"He broke my nose!" Todd blurted out.

"Todd, you know that's not true. Nurse Evelyn said that your nose would just be sore for a day or two," said the principal. "Now, why were you and
Justin fighting?"

"He started it," pouted Todd. The principal looked at Justin, who was looking at Todd.

"That's not true!" protested Justin, although he had a feeling that it would do no good.

"Well, since neither of you will tell me what you were fighting about... maybe you'll tell your parents." Principal Wallis said as he picked up the
telephone.
 

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