Author's notes:  This is a Hunter Fic for flashfly.  Thanks to the fabulous shadownyc for the excellent beta.

Title is taken from the Erasure song “Tune 5.”

 

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Hunter looked at the clock and breathed a sigh of relief. Only five minutes left of his shift, and so far Debbie hadn’t said anything. Maybe Michael and Ben had actually listened when he insisted he didn’t want a big deal made about his birthday. They’d both hugged him a little harder this morning and quietly wished him a happy birthday, and he knew there would be a few presents after dinner. But they promised not to force the big family event on him like they had every other year.

He hoped he managed to convince them that at twenty-one, he was too old and too cool for birthdays. That wasn’t exactly true although he’d always been too cool for the stupid hats and streamers Michael dragged out every year. Hunter had hated birthdays for as long as he could remember. When he was young enough to go to school, they were a reminder of everything he didn’t have. He was always the one kid in the class whose mom didn’t send cupcakes or cookies in for his birthday. After a few years, some of the teachers started doing it for him which made it worse. Once his mom put him to work, they both forgot all about his birthday.

The only parties he’d ever had were the ones Ben and Michael threw for him, and he never felt comfortable at them. Hunter really didn’t want to deal with that this year. His friends at school couldn’t wait to turn twenty-one. They went on and on about how awesome it would be to be able to buy all the alcohol they wanted without worry about fake IDs and to finally be able to get into the really good clubs where they actually cared if you were of age. Their birthday plans were all about getting plastered and finding hot girls to fuck.

Hunter turned down all the birthday night invites and refused to tell anyone when his birthday was. His friends thought he was weird, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like he needed a reminder that he didn’t quite fit in. Carnegie Mellon wasn’t the kind of place where you talked about being a hustler. And Hunter didn’t know how to explain that he’d had his fill of drugs, alcohol, and fucking before he was old enough to drive.

“Hunter, I need you to take out the trash,” Debbie yelled from the kitchen interrupting his thoughts.

“I’ll be right back.” Hunter took the three large bags from her.

“Thanks, Baby.” Debbie pinched his cheek, the one on his face thank God, but didn’t say anything else.

Once he threw the bags in the dumpster, he tried to get back in but the door was locked. “Fuck!” he kicked the door. He thought they fixed it last week after the new fry cook got locked out when he went to smoke before the lunch rush. Hunter yelled and banged on the door for a while, but no one answered. Sighing, he headed around to the front of the building. Some days he really hated his job. Thank fucking God the tips were good. Being Ben’s son might get him free tuition, but books still cost a fortune.

When Hunter reached the door, he thought about going straight home, but he knew Debbie would freak if he didn’t say goodbye. The door wasn’t even all the way closed before he heard, “SURPRISE!”

Hunter froze on the spot. He didn’t know how they managed it in the few minutes he’d been gone, but the back corner of the diner was covered in streamers and balloons. Michael and Emmett were even wearing party hats. Everyone was there, including Justin, and Hunter hadn’t known he was in town. They all looked so happy so he tried to smile as he headed toward them. “I told you guys,” he began looking at Ben and Michael.

“Don’t blame us. We tried, but. . .” Michael shrugged but didn’t finish his sentence.

Before Hunter could ask any more questions, Debbie came out from behind the counter carrying a large cake already smoking from what he assumed were twenty-one lit candles.

“No grandson of mine is having a birthday without a golden fudge triple layer cake.” He laughed when he saw Michael chanting the words along with her, but stopped quickly when she thrust the cake a little too close to his face. “Now blow,” she demanded.

Everyone clapped, and Hunter tried not to wince when they began an off key, but very loud version of “Happy Birthday.”

“So what did you wish for?” Emmett asked.

“He can’t tell or it won’t come true. Don’t say a word, Hunter.” Debbie pushed him into a booth, removed the candles, and began slicing and serving the cake with a frightening efficiency.

“Does wishing I was anywhere but here count?” Hunter complained half-heartedly. He might not want the party, but he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

“That’s one wish I can guarantee won’t work.” Brian reached around Justin and patted Hunter on the shoulder. “You’re stuck with us now. Adoption might have seemed like all sunshine and roses, but I warned you to read the fine print. Being part of this family comes with large doses of public humiliation.”

“He’s right, you know,” Justin added as he helped Debbie pass out cake. “And birthdays are the worst.”

Everyone nodded and “hmmed” in agreement. “But on the bright side, there’s always cake. And this one looks delicious.” Emmett smiled and took a plate from Justin.

They made small talk while they ate, and Hunter took the opportunity to ask the one question he’d been wondering about. “So what are you doing here?” he asked Justin.

“You’ve met Debbie, right?” He waited until Hunter nodded to continue. “Family events are mandatory.”

“And don’t you forget it, Sunshine, or I’ll come to New York myself and drag you back. And it won’t be by those pretty hairs on you head either,” Debbie laughed at her own joke.

“Now Deb, how do you know Justin has any other hair? “

“Do you shave or wax?” Ted blurted out looking at Justin.

“Perhaps I prefer nothing between my hand and his smooth, soft skin,” Brian continued as if Ted hadn’t spoken.

“I’m sure I’ll find something down there to grab onto,” Debbie shot back.

Brian slouched against the wall and pulled Justin closer. “There is plenty to wrap a hand around,” he leered while Justin gasped.

Hunter moved farther away from Justin in the booth and tried to ignore the less than discreet rustling coming from under the table. At least at home or at Debbie’s, he wouldn’t be sharing a booth with the two of them. He had the most embarrassing family in the world.

“Brian, cut it out!” Michael hissed leaning across the table. “I know you two haven’t seen each other in a while, but save it for Babylon. This is a family party.”

“You know, Michael, they say the best way to teach children about love is to normalize displays of affection between adults,” Justin said before kissing Brian.

“I’m pretty sure they mean hugging and kissing not jerking your boyfriend.”

“Partner,” Justin broke off the kiss to interrupt.

“Partner,” Michael corrected with a roll of his eyes, “off under the table.”

Brian sighed dramatically and wrapped his arms around Justin, wiggling his fingers so everyone could see where his hands were. “Deb, could we get on with this? Some of us have a month of sex to pack into two days.”

“Presents,” Debbie stood up and snapped her fingers.

Before Hunter knew what was happening, the plates were gone and a pile of gifts were placed in front of him. “Don’t be shy, just dig in,” Debbie urged him.

He reached for the closest gift bag and began to pull out the contents. There were boxes of condoms-flavored, ribbed, sensation enhancing, even female; bottles of lube and spermicide. “Dudes?” Hunter raised his eyebrows and looked at Ben and Michael. They might not be traditional parents, but he hadn’t expected this.

Ben raised his hands and shook his head. “Our presents are still at home.”

“Brian,” Michael looked disgusted and threw a napkin at his friend.

“Those are from Carl and me,” Debbie declared proudly.

“Ma,” Michael groaned turning red.

“What? Gift cards are so impersonal, and I wanted to get him something he would use.”

“She’s got a point. I can’t tell you how much use I get out of last year’s present,” Emmett said over everyone’s laughter, a dreamy look coming over his face.

“Carl.” Michael looked for support.

“Your mother’s a force of nature. It’s best to go along for the ride.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Debbie kissed Carl on the cheek.

“Moving on.” Ben picked up a box and handed it to Hunter. “This is from Melanie, Lindsay, and the kids. They wanted to come, but Gus has school.”

Hunter couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to come all the way from Canada for his birthday, but one thing he’d learned from living around gay men is that lesbians weren’t like normal people. He opened the box and found one of the new phones he’d been drooling over. “Awesome!” He held it up for everyone to see.

“There’s already something on it. Look,” Michael pushed a few buttons then handed it back to Hunter.

An awesomely clear video came on. Melanie and Lindsay had the kids on their laps, and they yelled, “Happy birthday, Hunter! Wish we could be there. We miss you.” Gus blew a party horn and waved. After a few seconds of silence, he heard Mel whisper, “Honey, remember what you have for your brother.” JR held up a cupcake with a single unlit candle and enthusiastically mumbled something that might have included the words “Hunter” and “birthday.” They all blew kisses, and the video ended.

“This is so cool.” Hunter hit save when he thought no one was looking.

“This is from us,” Ted took an envelope from Blake and held it out to Hunter.

Hunter accepted it with a tentative smile. He didn’t know Ted all that well, and had only gotten to know Blake recently while trying to set up an internship. He had no idea what they might have gotten him. Maybe a bond or something else practical. Inside the envelope was a brochure for some art thing. He turned it over trying to figure out what it meant.

“We know you’re not into opera,” Ted explained. “But the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust sponsors all kinds of events.”

“Comedians, more popular artists,” Blake added.

“So check out their website and find something you want to go to, and we’ll buy the tickets.”

“And we’ll spring for dinner.” That came from Carl.

“Somewhere nice,” Debbie said. “That way maybe you can use the rest of our gift.”

“Along those same lines, here.” Emmett handed him a gift card to Torso. “This comes with moi as a personal shopper so you’ll end up with some fabulous clothes.”

“What’s wrong with the way I dress?” Hunter asked gesturing to his baggy T-shirt and loose fitting jeans.

“Yeah,” Michael echoed.

Emmett eyed Michael’s faded Red Cape shirt critically. “Let’s just say it’s obvious which parent gave Hunter his fashion sense, and it wasn’t Ben with his sinfully, sexy tight jeans.” Emmett winked at Ben.

There were only two small packages left. Hunter grabbed one and started unwrapping it before Emmett could say anymore about Ben’s butt.

“That’s mine,” Brian told him.

“Uhh, thanks?” Hunter held up a pair of earplugs. “But they’re really not that loud.”

“Mikey may not be a screamer,” Brian explained while Michael hid his face against Ben’s chest. “But Justin is. You’ll need those when you go to New York with me over Spring Break.”

“Seriously?” Hunter had wanted to go to New York for ages.

“Now that you’re legal, Justin and I can take you to some of our favorite places with parental approval.”

“That’s so cool. I can’t wait.”

“The last one’s from me,.” Justin pointed to the final gift.

Hunter was even less sure of what Justin would get him then he had been of Ted. And really the New York trip was enough. He was surprised to find a small laminated card declaring him a lifetime member of Babylon. “This is great. Thanks.”

“I know you mostly date girls, but Babylon’s still a cool place to hang out.”

“No, it’s great. All the girls at school want to go there so I can really score with this.” And like Ben said, it never hurts to keep your options open. “I hope Brian gave you a discount.”

“Yeah, well.” Justin shrugged and gave him a small smile. He seemed weirdly nervous which Hunter didn’t understand. “Turn it over.”

When Hunter looked at the other side, he saw it was Michael’s uncle’s Babylon membership card.

“Vic gave that to me the first night I went to Babylon so it’s kind of an heirloom,” Justin explained. “I thought it should stay in the family.”

When Justin looked at Michael, Hunter saw him mouth, “Thank you.”

“You take good care of that.” Debbie pointed a finger at him. “Vic would have wanted you to have it. Every time you go, you have an extra drink and an extra dance for Vic. That’s what he would tell you.”

“Amen.” Everyone followed Brian in lifting their glasses.

Hunter pressed as far back into the seat as he could to avoid being crushed by Debbie as she leaned over him to hug Justin. “You did good, Sunshine. I know Vic’s as proud of you as I am.”

“Well, shit.” Debbie pulled back and wiped her eyes. “I’ve got to get back to work. Kiki could only cover for an hour. “Happy Birthday, Baby,” She kissed Hunter on the forehead, then Carl on the cheek. “I’ll see you at home.”

As Debbie headed to the counter and Carl to the door, Hunter stood up. “Thanks everyone. This was great.” He should probably say more, but he was never good at this kind of thing so he was relieved they all stood and seemed ready to leave.

“Woody’s?” Emmett asked hopefully. “I can use a good drink”

“No thanks, now that family hour is over, Justin and I plan to indulge in some very adult, very private entertainment.” Brian pushed Justin out of the booth before grabbing his hand and practically dragging him to the door. Justin just smiled and waved goodbye with his free hand.

Ted raised an eyebrow at Blake who nodded. “We’ll join you, Em.” They gathered their coats and stopped to hug Ben and Michael before wishing Hunter a happy birthday again and leaving.

And then it was just Hunter and Ben and Michael. Hunter watched them begin to take down the decorations, and made a move to help.

“Relax, we got it,” Michael shooed his hands away. “It’s bad enough you worked on your birthday. We can handle a little clean up.”

“Hey Pal,” Ben put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him. “We know this isn’t the birthday you wanted, and we tried. But Debbie really wanted to have a party. And you know how she is.”

“Ma doesn’t know how to love quietly,” Michael filled in.

Hunter laughed a little at that because it was pretty obvious. “Don’t worry about it; it’s cool.” Hunter shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the gifts piled on the table. He wanted to tell them it was more than cool, that even though he didn’t know how to show it, he loved being a part of a family. But like a lot of things he wanted them to know, he didn’t know how to say it. He saw them exchange a look and a smile and realized they understood.

“We’re glad you think so because maybe we didn’t fight Ma as hard as we could have.” Michael looked sheepish.

“We know birthdays don’t mean as much at your age, but it’s a big deal for us. We’re really proud of you, Hunter. Not just for how you turned your life around, but for the man you are becoming. We couldn’t be happier that you chose to be our son so your birthday is one of our favorite days.” Ben pulled him into a tight hug.

Michael wrapped his arms around both of them. “We love you, Hunter,” he whispered.

Hunter cleared his throat. “You too, guys.” They stood like that for another minute until a shout from the other side of the diner caught their attention.

“Are you actually going to serve me my dinner or just stand there holding it?”

“Hold your fucking horses,” Debbie yelled back. “Some of us are having a moment here.”

“Okay, mushy stuff over,” Michael smiled and bounced on his feet. “Since this wasn’t exactly how any twenty-one year old wants to spend his birthday, we wanted to let you know our presents will keep till another day.”

“If you want to try out your Babylon membership or meet up with some of your friends, we understand,” Ben smiled encouragingly. “We want you to have a good time.”

Hunter thought about the party he’d just had. It had been a bit awkward and embarrassing just like he imagined most birthdays were once you were too old for Chuck E. Cheese and too young to go out with your friends. Hunter had spent those years on the streets “enjoying” the freedom most kids thought they wanted. Maybe he was living his life backwards, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

“You promised no tofu for dinner, right?” Hunter smiled when Ben nodded. “I’d be crazy to pass up on real food and presents. Let’s go home.”