Sun Meltdown

Note: Takes place sometime in the future. In this future, Justin never went back to school, Brian never had cancer, and Rage was not a movie.

Thank you so much to philiflam for not only her beta work, but also for her encouragement!

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Justin sat on the steps watching the sun sink into the horizon. He watched the play of colors as they changed and blended. The sight should have been relaxing and peaceful, but for some reason Justin felt restless, off center. He never heard the door open or footsteps approach him, but the smell of marijuana gave Brian away before he sat down one step above him. Justin settled against Brian's chest, and they passed the joint back and forth between them; neither speaking.

Finally, Justin broke the silence. "I used to hate this time of year." Brian's fingers lightly stroking his neck encouraged him to continue. "The end of summer, it always meant the end of freedom, going back to school. No more sleeping late and hanging out with Daphne by the pool. It was back to living up to Dad's expectations and dodging bullies."

"And now?"

"It doesn't mean anything. That still seems weird to me even though I should be used to it by now. Guess I really am an adult."

Brian laughed softly and kissed the top of his head. "Do you regret it? Not going back?"

"No," Justin answered, and he meant it. His not finishing PIFA had always bothered Brian more than it bothered him. "I assumed I'd get my degree because that's just what you do, but I don't think it matters now. I was never good at fitting into their idea of what an artist is anyway. I think they made that pretty clear."

"It would look good on your resume, though."

"Is that a hint? Do I need to worry about how my resume looks?" Justin tried to sound worried even though he knew Brian was just teasing him.

"No, your job is safe. At least until you get discovered and leave Kinnetik behind for endless gallery openings."

"I think you may be stuck with me for a while. But if I do ever get famous, my lack of education could come in handy."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was in school, we always had to memorize stupid facts about writers and artists. Then we had to match them with the right person. It was just pointless shit that had nothing to do with their work. You know, `What author planted six apple trees in his backyard?' or `This artist always had yellow curtains.' All this random crap. Someday some poor kid at St. James will read `Which twenty-first century artist was expelled from the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts twice and never completed his education?' and have to match it to Justin Taylor."

"You are completely insane. You know that."

Justin could feel Brian shaking his head, but he kept talking. "We had this one English teacher, Ms. Sommers. She was repressed as hell, but totally obsessed with literature. She used to tell us all kinds of stuff that wasn't in the book especially about the Victorians. They were her favorites; probably because they were a kinky bunch. They were always going off on these retreats that were just big orgies. And half of them were sleeping with their cousins because their wives were nuts, and they had them locked up somewhere. My favorite was a story about some woman author. She was a big feminist, but decided to get married so everyone would leave her alone. She married some gay guy she knew, but then she comes on to him on their honeymoon. He jumps out the window and lands in water; I think they were in Venice so maybe it was the canals. Anyway, he catches pneumonia and dies. How crazy is that?" Once he stopped talking, Justin turned around and reached for the joint, but Brian held it out of his reach.

"No more for you. Pot makes you talk too much."

"It also makes me horny so hand it over."

Brian made a face, but gave in just like Justin knew he would. "Since when do you need help getting horny? I bet she masturbated while reading poetry."

"Huh?" Justin was having trouble following the change in subject.

"Ms. Sommers. She'd probably lay in bed at night reading sonnets and getting all hot and bothered. Then she'd start touching herself."

"Shut the fuck up!" Justin elbowed Brian in the ribs. "That is so sick. I don't want to think about Ms. Sommers getting herself off. Christ, I'm completely traumatized."

"Poor baby," Brian laughed. "Well in Ms. Sommers honor, we need to come up with a more interesting fact about you. Getting kicked out of PIFA isn't going to cut it."

"What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Something about all the hot gay sex you had with an extremely sexy, brilliant, handsome man."

"Not bad, but a little too explicit. I think she would faint before saying `hot gay sex.' If you can keep from freaking out on me every few years, we could go with something about my long term love affair with a very sexy and successful older man."

"I'm not sure if I'm more offended by `love affair' or `older.'"

"I said very sexy."

"True, but `love affair still has to go."

"Freak, would you prefer relationship?" Justin laughed when Brian smacked the back of his head. "I didn't think so."

"Shut up and give me my joint back." Justin did as he asked and rested his head on Brian's thigh when he stretched his legs out along side him. They finished the joint in silence just watching the sky fade. Eventually, Brian spoke again, "This was always my favorite time of year."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I couldn't wait to get back to school. No more hiding from my dad if he wasn't working which was most of the time or being dragged to church with my mother every day. School was a guaranteed eight hours out of the house, more if I could find after school activities that were free."

Brian rarely shared much about his family, but Justin knew better than to comfort him. Instead he asked, "Tell me a good summer memory."

"A good one."

"Yeah, something fun you did or whatever."

"OK." After a slight pause, Brian told him, "The summer I was sixteen I was working at a gas station, and Mikey had a job at some ice cream place. It was hot as hell that summer, and I had a cheap piece of shit car. My mom had given up on me by then, and as long as I gave Dad money he left me alone. So I picked Mikey up from work one day and told him we were going to the gay Y."

"I wasn't aware there was a straight version," Justin snickered.

"Pay attention. You're the one who wanted a story. Anyway," Brain dragged the last word out, "we drove down to Liberty Avenue. We'd been there before. Debbie was already working at the diner, but Mikey would never go anywhere else."

"Wait a minute," Justin interrupted, "there's no Y on Liberty Avenue."

"Exactly."

"Oh my God, you took him to the baths!"

"I always knew you were a smart boy. You should have seen his face when he realized where we were. Vic had been down from New York the week before and had told us about the baths, but Mikey was too scared to go. I think he hid in a corner the whole time half staring and half trying to look away. Luckily no one approached him, or he probably would have had a heart attack on the spot."

"God, I wish I could have been there."

"It was fucking hilarious. He was terrified, but I loved it," Brian's voice took on a slightly wistful tone. "To quote Emmett, it was fabulous. Naked men everywhere, sucking and fucking. It was pure pleasure, sensation. I was in heaven. I'd never felt so free. There's just nothing like the first time, Sunshine."

"Tell me about it," Justin sighed against his leg.

"Brat."

"You were the one who was all `I want you to remember this every time you have sex.' It's not my fault you ruined me for other men. Serves you right to be stuck with me."

"That was my plan all along, you know. All the hundreds of times I told you to fuck off were just a cover."

Justin turned his head so he was looking up at Brian's face. "I knew it, I knew it! You fell madly in love with me the moment you saw me. How sweet." He laughed and batted his eyelashes at Brian.

"Enough already. Tell me a bad summer memory."

"What?"

"Come on, that's a lot more interesting than the Taylors do Disney or hearing about you and Daphne ogling ass at the Country Club."

"You are so weird," Justin sat up a little and shook his head. "Let's see. I guess the summer after Molly was born. Mom was worried I'd feel neglected since she'd be busy with the baby, and we always spent a lot of time together. So she convinced my father he needed to bond with me or some shit. His answer was to sign me up for Little League."

Brian let out a loud bark of laughter, "Please tell me you're kidding."

"Unfortunately for all involved, I'm not. As you can imagine, it was a complete disaster. I hated every minute of it. I was hopeless so of course they stuck me out in the outfield somewhere. So in addition to being clueless, I was bored out of my mind. You can just imagine what happened."

"No, please tell me more."

"You're not supposed to be enjoying this so much," Justin turned slightly so he could see Brian's face. The amusement he saw there annoyed him, but he continued, "I'm not sure what pissed my dad off more. The time I snuck a sketchbook and a pencil out with me, or the time I was distracted by watching a butterfly turned away from the field and was hit in the back by the one ball that came my way."

"Priceless, absolutely priceless. Just how delusional is Craig? He couldn't possibly have imagined you would be good at baseball," Brian continued laughing.

"The worst part was he insisted I finish the season `like a man,' " Justin lowered his voice to sound like Craig's, "even though I'm sure the coach would have paid me to quit. I begged him to let me quit, but he kept telling me not to be a sissy. He never said faggot or fairy, but he used the same tone so I knew what he meant. Mom felt really bad about the whole thing, and I never had to play again. When I realized I was gay, I thought back to that summer, and I knew my dad would never understand."

Brian had stopped laughing and was lightly stroking Justin's hair. "I bet you looked cute in your uniform. I'll have to ask your mother for pictures next time we're at her place."

"No way. Not unless I get to see pictures of you as an alter boy."

"I think my mother either burned them or they're part of the shrine she prays to for my wicked soul."

"Then no Little League pictures for you. I'll just go back to forgetting it ever happened. Thank you very much," Justin failed to keep all the bitterness out of his voice

Brian stood up and pulled on Justin's hand. "Come inside. It's dark now." When Justin didn't respond, he tugged again and kissed his wrist. "It's getting cold," he lowered his voice seductively. "Come in and let me warm you up."

Justin looked at the stars just starting to appear for a moment before standing up to join Brian. He leaned his head on his shoulder, and Brian wrapped an arm around his waist. They headed inside, and Justin realized most of the restlessness had left him.

Return to Jule