I'll Point You Home

Author's Notes: This fic was written for the LJ Catchallthon run by inlovewithnight as a gift for mosca.  Title taken from the Barenaked Ladies song "Call and Answer." Thank you to my wonderful beta tweedygal.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ted watched Emmett rearrange his toast and bacon on his plate and sighed. The diner was quiet this morning, even Debbie was absent, so the full brunt of Emmett’s mood fell to Ted. He’d already asked him what was wrong twice only to have his concern brushed off.

“You know,” he said finally, “if you move that piece of bacon here, it looks a lot like something I stumbled across at the baths last year.”

Emmett made a face.  “I could have done without the breakfast pornography. And please, no jokes about pork.”

“Emmett, for the last time, what’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing, normally you’d be shellacking the plate and shipping it to Justin to see if there was a market for breakfast porn.”

“You know what they say, one person’s bacon is another person’s masterpiece,” Emmett said, sounding almost like himself.

“Someday your true genius will be discovered, but in the meantime, stop stalling.”

“You remember the dinner party I had the other night?”

“The one with the kabob things and the little pies?”

“No, that was the office party. This was the one with the salmon and asparagus bundles.”

“Mmm, delicious!” Ted was the lucky recipient of frequent test recipes and leftovers from Emmett’s events.

“They did go over well; I think they’ll become a regular item. But the point was, the party was only a few streets away and really it was on my way.”

“What was?”

“Oh Teddy, it’s for sale. Our house is for sale.”

“Our house?”

“Yes, Ted, our house. The one we owned oh-so-briefly,” Emmett snapped.

“Oh.” Ted couldn’t think of anything else to say. He didn’t think about the house or that time in his life anymore. It was obscured by what had come after. He certainly wouldn’t have expected Emmett to bring it up either. After all, their ability to resume their friendship had always seemed dependent on pretending their romantic relationship never happened.

“If ‘oh’ is all you have to say I think I should be going.” Emmett stood and stomped out of the diner.

“Emmett!” Ted called for his friend, but he was already gone.

Ted spent the rest of the day trying to think of ways to make Emmett understand his lack of reaction. Even now that he’d been clean for years, Ted knew how easy it would be to drown in regret, to get caught up in the life he could have had. He’d had no choice but to put all that behind him.

But when he finally worked up the nerve to call Emmett, his reaction wasn’t what he’d expected. “Look Emmett, about earlier, I don’t want you to think. . .”

“Oh, Ted don’t worry about it,” Emmett cut him off. “Sometimes I’m just a sentimental old fool, you know that. I mean, I still have the very first outfit I wore to Babylon hanging in my closet.”

“Well, in your defense, fuchsia hot pants never go out of style, at least not at Babylon,” Ted joked. “But seriously, Emmett, it’s not that it doesn’t matter to me.”

“Ted!” This time Emmett’s interruption was firmer. “Don’t give it another thought. Houses get sold every day. I know I won’t be losing any sleep over it. Now how about meeting me at Woody’s later?”

Confused by Emmett’s change in mood, Ted turned him down. He went to a meeting instead.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

“Psst.”

Ted looked up from his desk to see just Emmett’s head peeking into his office. “Emmett?”

“Shh,” Emmett pressed a finger to his lips. “We’re breaking you out of here. Come quickly and quietly.”

Once Ted reached the doorway, Emmett grabbed his hand and made a show of checking the hall. “All clear,” he whispered loudly. Then he took off running, dragging Ted with him.

They burst out of the building, out of breath and laughing. Ted turned to Emmett and threw up his hands. “What are you doing? Are you crazy?”

“We’re playing hookey. It’s a beautiful summer day, don’t tell me you really want to be cooped up in that boring old office.”

“What if I had an important meeting or something?”

“Then you wouldn’t have come with me,” Emmett smiled confidently. “I’m not trying to get you fired, Ted. I peeked at your calendar when I picked you up for lunch the other day.”

That reminded Ted that Emmett had recently become a regular visitor to Kinnetik. Over the last few years, with Brian spending more of his time in New York with Justin and Michael and Ben settling into life in the suburbs, Ted and Emmett ended up together quite a bit. But since the incident with the house, Emmett had been unusually attentive, meeting Ted for at least one meal a day, getting tickets to a play that recently opened. He’d even brought Ted flowers once claiming they were a sample bouquet a client had rejected. If Ted didn’t know better, he’d think Emmett was flirting with him. But that wasn’t possible so Ted put that thought out of his head.

“Ted, are you coming?” Emmett was halfway down the sidewalk.

With one last look at Kinnetik, Ted joined Emmett. He hadn’t done anything spontaneous like this in years. “So where are we going?”

“Let’s go to the park! We can fly kites and run through the sprinklers.”

Ted rolled his eyes. “Oh yes, Emmett, because there is nothing parents like more than two middle aged gay men frolicking with their children in the water.”

“Party pooper.” Emmett made a face. “How about the zoo?”

Visiting the zoo as a child was nothing like going with Emmett. He talked to all the animals, advising them on everything from grooming to sprucing up their habitats. Emmett’s hair was longer than usual, and he molded it the best he could to match whatever animal he was trying to converse with. Imitating the animals’ movements and body language, he explained to Ted, was the key to getting them to listen.

He said this as he fluffed his hair out and bent at the waist, curving his spine forward and clasping his hands behind his back. Pacing back and forth while jutting his head forward, he spent the next five minutes trying to converse with an agitated ostrich. Ted laughed so hard he ended up on the ground wheezing.

Eventually the heat got to them, and they fled to the aquarium. “Can you pick out the gay ones?” Emmett asked as they watched the penguins dive and swim.

“Sadly my gaydar doesn’t extend to the animal kingdom,” Ted replied, reaching up and spiking Emmett’s hair without thinking about it.

“Hmm, well I think I detect a slight swish in his waddle.” Emmett pointed to penguin dancing at the edge of the ice.

“You might be on to something. He does seem to be tapping out the beat to ‘Dancing Queen.’”

Emmett did a quick version of the penguin’s steps. “Nope, that’s definitely ‘Sexy Back.’ Our boy is a Timberlake fan. And look, that other penguin is checking out his ass.”

“It’s like Babylon on Ice,” Ted laughed.

“I fucked a penguin once. A Pittsburgh Penguin,” Emmett drawled at Ted’s incredulous look. “You know, the hockey team. Drew wasn’t the only athlete to be swayed by my charms. And let me tell you, fucking on the ice might be exhilarating, but it better be damned quick!”

Once again Ted found himself laughing as he wondered why he and Emmett didn’t do things like this more often.

~~~~~~~~~~

A few days after their trip to the zoo, Emmett invited Ted over for dinner claiming he needed to practice for an upcoming event. Dinner was a spectacular three course feast accompanied by wine for Emmett and sparkling water for Ted. Fresh flowers decorated each plate, and Ted couldn’t help but wonder who all this was for.

“Are you catering a horticulturists’ convention?” he asked as he moved a white orchid from atop his strawberry tart.

“Not unless they are extremely wealthy horticulturists. You’d be amazed at how much this intimate dinner for two costs.”

Ted thought again about the delicious food he’d eaten and decided he didn’t want to know. “What’s the occasion?” he asked instead.

“Some rich old guy is proposing to his much younger girlfriend and wants all the ammunition he can get. I think as long as he brings his checkbook, she’s bound to say yes.”

“Emmett, really.” Ted couldn’t help but think of George, and Emmett’s very real feelings for him.

“Don’t look at me like that. Normally I’d be the last person to judge. We all know George was quite a bit older than me. But I’ve met the young lady in question, and trust me this is no love match. She couldn’t even remember the poor guy’s name, kept calling him Howard, and his name is Harold.”

“That’s terrible.”

Emmett shrugged. “It’s not like he’s all that interested in what comes out of her mouth.”

“Just what she’s willing to put in it?” Ted couldn’t resist.

“Exactly!” Emmett popped a large strawberry into his mouth and smiled innocently.

No longer sure where the conversation was going, Ted stood up and headed to the kitchen. “Let me help you clean up,” he said over his shoulder.

When he turned from the sink, Emmett was standing behind him. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Emmett kissed him, but he was. He stood completely still for a second, trying to accept that Emmett’s mouth was on his. Emmett’s lips were sticky, from the strawberry glaze he imagined, and without thinking about it, Ted flicked his tongue out for a taste.

Emmett did taste like strawberries, and coffee too, Ted discovered when Emmett opened his mouth and deepened the kiss. The kiss was gentle but not at all tentative, and Ted soon found himself pressed back against the sink. It was easy to lose himself in the kiss, to savor the rough slide of Emmett’s tongue against his, to lean into the hand stroking his hair. It wasn’t until Emmett pulled back and whispered his name against his lips that Ted came to his senses.

“What was that?” Ted sidestepped Emmett and straightened his shirt.

“Why I do believe we call that a kiss.” Emmett played up his long lost accent and winked at Ted.

“Emmett, I’m serious.”

“Come on Ted, you had to know that was coming. I’ve been courting you for weeks.”

“Courting!” Ted sputtered. “Since when does anyone court? I thought we were just spending time together.”

“We were spending time together just with. . . a purpose.”

“Emmett,” Ted sighed. He made his way to the living room and sat down heavily on the couch. There were so many reasons they couldn’t do this that Ted didn’t know where to start. He seized on the first argument that came to mind. “What about Drew?”

“What about him?”

“Aren’t you waiting for him?”

“Ted, it’s been five years. If he was coming back, he’d be here by now. It’s not like I sent him off to war or something while I tried to save my family plantation.”

Despite the situation, Ted smiled at the thought of Emmett in hoop skirts. “I just thought you were still hoping.”

“Drew’s a good man, and he loved me, but I knew when he left he was never coming back. Drew didn’t cheat because he was gay or conflicted; he was just one of those guys who always wanted something else, something more. And I’m tired of not being enough. I want more than that. Don’t you?”

Ted shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to answer. Emmett knew Ted longed for a stable relationship, a home, the things he and Emmett had shared once. But their time was over; he couldn’t imagine why Emmett was bringing it back up. “I know everyone else has settled down or at least close to it, but we can’t end up together by default.”

“If I wanted companionship and sex, I would have stayed with Debbie and Carl.”

The image that flashed into Ted’s mind was too horrifying to contemplate.

“Not like that! How depraved do you think I am? Never mind don’t answer that.” Emmett made a face and waved off Ted’s response. “What I meant was when I was living there, I had someone to watch movies with and gossip with and laugh with, and I could have all the wild, uncomplicated sex I wanted on the side. I want all that from the same person.”

“I gave up the right to be that person a long time ago, Emmett. We can’t go back.” Ted swallowed hard and forced himself to meet Emmett’s eyes.

“OK, ca la vie.” Emmett gave him a kiss on the cheek and herded him out the door. Ted found himself standing outside feeling like he’d missed something important.
 

~~~~~~~~~~


 

When Emmett first said he’d been courting Ted, the idea seemed absurd, but as soon as he stopped, Ted felt the absence. They still spent time together, but Emmett no longer let his hand linger on Ted’s shoulder or back, his eyes didn’t light up when Ted sat next to him, he stopped leaning toward Ted when he laughed. Such small changes Ted never realized when they started, but he missed them immediately.

Ted reminded himself daily that Emmett’s easy acceptance of his rejection was a good thing. They’d fought so hard for their friendship Ted couldn’t stand for things to become awkward between them so he should be thrilled that Emmett acted like his courting of Ted had never happened. He’d almost convinced himself when he saw the notice in the paper.

“Emmett bought a house!” Ted stormed into Brian’s office needing to tell someone.

“Ted, you know I value your financial advice, otherwise I wouldn’t have put you in charge of my considerable assets, but an hour before the Diva Pets pitch is not the time for a lecture on soft markets or whatever else has you all worked up.” Brian never looked up from the papers spread before him.

“It’s not that he bought a house; it’s that he bought our house.”

“You’re not going to let this go are you? Fine, you have my undivided attention,” Brian pushed his chair back. “Now, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Emmett bought the house we were going to live in. You remember, before Stockwell, before. . .” Ted paused to allow Brian to fill in the rest of the sentence mentally.

“Before your rapid and ugly descent into an addiction to crystal, creepy doctors and bad sex,” Brian finished helpfully.

“I would have just gone with drugs, but your version is more colorful,” Ted acknowledged.

“Words are my business. Not that I care, but why is this a problem?”

“He bought it as part of an abandoned plan, at least I thought it was an abandoned plan, to court me.” Ted began to pace in front of Brian’s desk.

“Houses do have a certain romantic appeal as tokens of affection,” Brian smiled, and Ted knew he was losing him.

“Focus, Brian.” Ted snapped his fingers. “Emmett and I aren’t like you and Justin, incomprehensible yet somehow perfect for each other. We had our chance, and I blew it.”

“So tell him no.” Brian shrugged like it was no big deal.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Yes it is. No means no. Don’t they still teach that?”

“You don’t understand. After everything I did, it never occurred to me that Emmett could ever want me again. I mean how could he? It was months before he could even look at me.” Ted didn’t know how to explain to Brian that there were things he simply could not let himself think about. The pure bliss that crystal could give him was one. Being loved by Emmett was another. They were both too painful in their own ways.

“But now that I know I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s everything I dream of, but if I fuck up again I really won’t have anything left.”

“Are you done?”

Ted nodded and flopped on the couch.

“Good, because as you know self pity makes my dick soft. If you want someone to yammer at you about trusting yourself or taking a chance on true love, go to a fucking meeting or better yet, call Michael. We’re not kids anymore, Ted. If you ever actually believed in true love or an easy relationship, you should fucking know better by now. If Emmett made you happy, and you want that again, go for it. Nothing worth having comes without risks.”

“Thanks, Brian.”

“And Ted, in case you need further prove that people are insane, think of the billons of dollars they spend on their pets. In about,” Brian paused and looked at his watch, “thirty-five minutes I am going to convince the head of Diva Pets to give several of their millions to us. If I don’t have your earning projections in front of me in less than twenty-five minutes, you’re going to be very glad Emmett bought a house because you’ll be homeless after I fire your sorry ass.”

“Understood,” Ted laughed and hurried back to his office.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

Emmett didn’t mention the house at breakfast the next morning or the next or the one after that. Ted couldn’t bring himself to say anything so he spent the next two weeks thinking about what Brian had said and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In typical Emmett fashion, the other shoe came in the form of an engraved invitation inviting Ted to tour the familiar address. So Ted found himself knocking nervously at the door still having no idea what to do and hoping against hope that Emmett would give him a lead he could follow.

“Ted!” Emmett threw open the door and ushered Ted inside. “Welcome to my humble abode. I can’t wait until you see what I’ve done to the place.”

Ted’s first look around left him speechless and inching back to the door. “Umm, Emmett?” At a complete loss, Ted just stared. The living room looked exactly like it was supposed to all those years ago. Apricot walls, plum carpet, there was even a raspberry sofa.

“Don’t you just love it?” Emmett beamed at him. “You said we can’t go back, but sometimes you can.”

Another step back brought him that much closer to freedom. Brian was in New York, and it might be a week before anyone realized he was missing. “You haven’t been watching Misery lately have you?” Ted asked while trying to decide if he could beat Emmett in a sprint to his car.

“Ted, I’m not kidnapping you. And you’ll only end up tied to the bed if you ask nicely.” When Ted didn’t laugh, Emmett sighed. “I’m not crazy; I was just trying to make a point which you missed completely.”

“It’s a little hard to buy the not crazy part when I feel like I’ve stepped into a time machine.”

“I just wanted to remind you that we were happy once, really happy.”

“I won’t do a reenactment to remind you of how really miserable I made you.” Ted meant it as a joke, but it fell flat.

“I haven’t forgotten, but you spent a lot of time convincing me that your addiction wasn’t about me, that nothing I did caused it. I believe that so I’m not afraid.”

“How can you have so much faith in me?”

“Do you know why this house is so important to me?” Emmett asked abruptly. “It’s not like we ever actually lived here.”

Ted shook his head and thought the answer might be what he’d been missing since this whole thing started.

“When we bought it, I wanted so badly to fit because I wanted you to be proud of me that I was willing to hide who I was. But all you wanted was for me to be myself, flamboyant and proud, no matter what anyone thought of me. No one, Teddy, has ever loved me like that. No one else has ever made me feel like they know I’m complete exactly as I am.”

Ted couldn’t argue with that, and he knew Emmett had made him feel exactly the same way. He was still afraid, but he looked at the love and hope shining in Emmett’s eyes, and none of this seemed so impossible anymore. “I still love you, Emmett, exactly as you are.”

“Well, it’s about time you realized it,” Emmett sniffed and rolled his eyes. “So are you going to come home?”

As sappy as it sounded, this house still felt like home to Ted. “On one condition, you redecorate the way you want it now, not the way it used to be.”

“Oh, thank God. Apricot is so five years ago. I was thinking sunflower for the kitchen and maybe something in the topaz family for the master bedroom.”

Ted laughed and kissed Emmett to silence the decorating talk, confident he was finally right where he belonged. No matter what color the walls were.
 

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