Strange Ways How We Fly

"Hey," Brian answered the phone expecting to hear Michael's voice on the other end.

"Da, I saw him!" he heard his son say excitedly instead.

"Gus, is that you?"

"Yes, it's me and I saw him."

"Slow down Gus. Who did you see?" Brian was confused. He knew Gus was on one of the weekend trips he took with some art group Lindsay enrolled him in. He was in Philadelphia this time, and Brian couldn't imagine who he could have seen that would make him this excited.

"Justin, I saw Justin. He was at the museum."

Brian sat down heavily as a million questions rushed through his mind. He didn't want to upset Gus so he settled for asking just one. "What did he say when you saw him?"

"Nothing. He didn't see me. We were in different rooms and I didn't go over to him. I wasn't sure it was him, but I looked at my pictures when we got back and it really was Justin. I thought maybe he was dead. But he's not, Da, I saw him," Gus's voice dropped to a whisper on the last two sentences.

"I know you did Gus. And it's good that you didn't say anything in case it hadn't been him. Listen, it's late you probably need to get to bed. I'll see you when you get home tomorrow."

"Good night Da. I love you," Gus said before hanging up.

Brian sat staring at the phone. Gus had seen Justin. It had been so long; long enough that Gus needed to look at a picture to be sure. Over two years since anyone had seen or heard from Justin. He'd never tell anyone, but sometimes he wondered if Justin were dead too. At night after the tricks left, when he couldn't sleep, he'd imagine all kinds of horrible things that could have happened to Justin. But Justin was alive; Gus had seen him.

Gus, God he hoped he wouldn't be too freaked out by this. Gus had only been seven when Justin left, but he'd never forgotten Justin. In fact, Gus was usually the one to mention him. He always acted like Justin would return at any moment. That was why Gus had a picture of Justin with him. Lindsay and Melanie had been able to chaperon all of Gus's trips until this one. Gus insisted that at nine years old he could go without them. Lindsay decided to have him take family pictures with him in case he got homesick. She told him he insisted in taking a picture of Brian and Justin together because "Da was happy then." Gus was too smart for his own good. He was the only one who understood how much Brian missed Justin. Even Lindsay and Debbie came to believe he was happy to go back to his old life. Now Gus had found Justin, and that changed everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next night Brian found himself and Lindsay and Melanie's listening to Gus recant every second of his trip as only a nine-year-old can.

"And that's when Bobby got sick on the bus. It was really cool."

"What about the ancient Egypt exhibit? Did you see any paintings you liked at the museum?" Lindsay tried to redirect Gus's story to the purpose of the trip.

"It was all right. I liked the mummy case. I wanted to open it and see if there was a real mummy inside, but they said no. Some of the paintings were OK, but lots of them looked like my finger paintings. Why would anyone want to see those? Oh, and that's where I saw Justin. They did have some naked pictures. They reminded me of Da's place."

Brian smiled as he watched the shocked looks come over their faces. "Wait a minute Gus," Mel finally managed to ask, "you saw Justin? Our Justin?"

"Yeah, I called and told Da. He was at the museum."

Lindsay and Melanie asked Gus all the questions Brian hadn't been able to bring himself to: What did he say? How did he look? Was he alone? What was he doing? Was he working there? Did he ask about anyone? Was he happy?

Gus rolled his eyes as he tried to remember everything his mothers wanted to know. "He didn't say anything cause I didn't talk to him. He looked like Justin. I don't think he worked there cause he didn't have a badge and he was just wearing jeans and stuff. He was in a room with some lady pointing to places on the wall. I don't know what he was looking at because the walls were empty. He laughed a couple times. Then we had to go. Can I have a snack? I'm hungry."

"Sure, but then it's off to bed. You have school tomorrow."

Brian knew the minute Mel took Gus to the kitchen he was in trouble. He braced himself for Lindsay's questions. "Why didn't you tell me Gus saw Justin? When are you going to Philadelphia?"

"I didn't tell you because it wasn't important, and I'm not going anywhere."

"How can you say that? Don't you want to talk to him? Find out what happened, why he left?"

"In case you've forgotten, Justin and I weren't speaking for six months before he left. Why start now? If he wanted to contact anyone, he could have. Now you know he's not dead; he's not being held as someone's sex slave. He has a new life, and we aren't part of it. Leave it alone," Brian gave Lindsay a quick kiss and walked out the door before she could say anything else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian spent the rest of the night with a bottle of whiskey and memories better left forgotten. He knew more about why Justin left than anyone, but he still didn't understand it. Maybe it had all just been an excuse, a reason to leave. Maybe he was happy now. For all we know he could be married to some guy who tells him he loves him everyday. Or maybe he regrets leaving and wishes he'd told me the truth. Or maybe I'm losing my fucking mind.

He couldn't help but remember the last time Justin had been in the loft. It had been a few months after his graduation from PIFA. Brian had come home to find Justin with all his belongings packed.

"It's over Brian. I'm leaving," was all he had said.

Brian had closed his eyes for just a second and when he opened them, they were expressionless. "Do you have somewhere to go? Do you need any money?"

"Stop trying to take care of me. They only things I need from you I can't have: love and commitment," Justin had searched Brian's face looking for any hope that he was wrong. Finding none, he'd shaken his head, "Forget it, Brian. Just try to be happy, OK?" With that, he walked out and never came back.

Brian had sunk to the floor right where he'd been standing. He'd stayed there for a long time. Even though he'd been expecting it, he couldn't believe Justin had left. Brian had been pushing him away for months. Ever since Mikey had told him about the job in California; the one Justin never mentioned. He'd always known Justin needed more than he could give him, but he realized he wouldn't leave without a push. So he'd been picking up more tricks, he'd stopped holding his hand or putting his arms around him, he'd spent more time at the office. Brian had hoped Justin would get the hint and leave on his own because Brian was never strong enough to make him go.

But now that it had happened, he didn't know what to think. He never expected it to be so easy, so emotionless. This was Justin after all. He expected arguments, tears, begging, anything but the cold resignation he'd gotten. Justin must have been more ready to leave than he'd realized.

Another shot of whiskey brought Brian back to the present. He'd let Justin walk out that day; never made a move to stop him. Damned if the loft still didn't seem empty. Even after all this time, he knew something was missing. God, I'm becoming maudlin in my old age, Brian thought to himself. Too much Irish whiskey and too much Irish heritage. Still, his thoughts strayed to Justin.

He didn't see Justin for almost six months after he left. Brian's life returned to the way it had been before Justin. He had his work, the boys, Woody's, Babylon, and of course the backroom. That was all he needed. No more strings or complications. Justin had kept his job as an illustrator for a publishing company, but stopped showing up on Liberty Avenue after work. He'd cut off ties with everyone but Gus. Justin and Gus had been very close so Brian wasn't surprised or upset that Justin had kept in touch with his son. He knew he saw him a few times a week and liked to bring Gus drawings from the children's book he was illustrating. So it made sense that when Gus was hurt, Justin received the same phone call from Lindsay that Brian did.

In all the time he'd known him, he'd never see Justin as upset as he was that night when he walked into the hospital. "Brian, what happened? Is Gus OK?" he'd asked panic evident in his eyes.

Brian had resisted the urge to pull Justin into his arms, but tried to calm him with his voice instead. "He's fine, Justin. He fell out of a tree and broke his arm. He hit his head, but there's no concussion. They're keeping him over night as a precaution."

"Why did he fall? Did something scare him?"

"Justin, he's a kid; he just fell. It happens."

"You're sure it was an accident?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Look, go in and see him. Maybe then you'll calm down," Brian was baffled by Justin's continued questioning. He thought being in the hospital might be bringing up too many memories of his own accident. Hopefully spending time with Gus would help.

Justin had stayed at the hospital all night. When Gus woke up, he'd asked Lindsay to talk to him alone. He walked out of Gus's room an hour later and vanished. No one saw him again.

Once everyone realized he was gone, Debbie had tried to find him. Justin had closed his bank accounts, changed his email address, quit his job with no notice, paid the balance of his lease, and left. There was no trail to follow. Jennifer had remarried and moved the year before and no one had a current name or address for her. Although Brian never told anyone, he'd used his contacts at the agency to quietly check other publishing companies or ad agencies Justin might have gone to for a job. He also found nothing.

Eventually they stopped looking. Gus had been the last one to speak to Justin, and now he was the one to find him. Brian laughed at the irony.

Now what? Lindsay wanted him to go after Justin. To find out what happened. But Brian had gotten most of his answers a long time ago. Unfortunately, they had lead to more questions he didn't think he really wanted answered. He should leave well enough alone.

But he hated to give Kip Thomas the satisfaction. He raised his glass in salute, "Fuck you, Kip. You really did screw up all our lives."

Four months after Justin disappeared, Kip had walked into Brian's office like he owned the place. "Get the fuck out," Brian had ordered without really looking at him.

"Don't be so quick to get rid of me Brian. You should hear me out first."

"Nothing you could say would interest me. So once more, get the fuck out."

"Justin was always interested in what I had to say."

Brian glanced up quickly, but otherwise managed to control his reaction. "Justin who?"

"Don't treat me like I'm stupid Kinney. I know all about Justin Taylor. Your live in lover. The trick who got to stay. You two were the talk of Liberty Avenue. In fact, I know more about Justin then you do."

Brian snorted, "I doubt that. Now are you leaving voluntarily, or am I calling security?"

"Didn't you ever wonder why I dropped the lawsuit?"

"Not really," Brian answered confused by the change in subject.

"He really didn't tell you. I'm not sure I ever believed that. Well, let me tell you a story. Your Justin seduced me and then threatened to have me arrested for having sex with a minor if I didn't drop the suit. Of course I didn't know who he was then, and by the time I found out he was old enough to consent it was too late. I'd dropped the suit and lost my job. Imagine my surprise when I reported to my new boss a few months ago. There he was with his nice office, giving me orders."

"Life's a bitch Kip. But since this is ancient history, I don't have time for it," Brian wanted Kip out of his office before he said anything else. He didn't want to think about Kip touching Justin. He didn't want to think about what Justin had done, risked, to save him.

"Oh, but I'm just getting to the good part. I finally had my chance for revenge. It was so easy once I found out you two were living together. I gave him a choice: leave you or be exposed for the blackmailing slut that he is."

"That's it? That's your great revenge? You're stupider than I thought," Brian shook his head, but he really wanted to ring Kip's neck. "Your big opportunity and all you ask is that he leave me. Boy, the mafia better watch out for your criminal mind."

"You don't get it. It wasn't about me; it was about hurting him. Sure, I could have asked for money, but it was more fun to watch the light fade from his eyes. Watching him suffer was the best revenge of all," Kip smirked as he told his story.

"And you're telling me this now because?"

"Now that he's gone, I was getting bored. I wanted to see if my plan had any extra bonuses. I know he adored you, but I could never get a straight answer about your feelings for him. Half of Liberty Avenue says you loved him, the other half says you kept him around out of guilt and because he was great in bed. So which is it? How many notches did I manage to knock the great Brian Kinney down?" So pleased to be able to tell someone about his great plan, Kip didn't realize that baiting Brian was never a good idea.

Kip really was stupid if he thought Brian would ever let him see how he felt. He pinned him with an icy glare and answered in a clam deliberate voice, "Sorry to disappoint you Kip, but I never even noticed that he left. Now for the last time, get the fuck out."

Realizing he'd pushed Brian as far as he could, Kip scurried for the door like the weasel he was. Brian waited until he was gone to throw the crystal paperweight at the wall and watch it shatter into a million pieces.

"So there you have it," Brian spoke to the now mostly empty bottle of whiskey, "the answer everyone has been waiting for. Why Justin left." But Brian knew it wasn't entirely true. Kip's story might explain why Justin left him, but not why he left town. Parts of what Kip told him made no sense, but there was enough truth in it to know it wasn't a total lie. Only Justin knew the whole truth.

And know that Brian knew where to find him, he wasn't sure he really wanted to know. So he finished off the bottle and went back to not thinking about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks later, Brian found himself standing outside a museum in Philadelphia wondering just what the hell he was doing.

Brian walked into the museum and realized this had to be the stupidest thing he'd ever done. But after two weeks of listening to Lindsay, Debbie, and Emmett harp at him to go find Justin and bring their Sunshine home, and he would do anything to shut them up. Even go off on this wild goose chase. And wild goose chase it was; it's not like Justin would still be standing in the same place Gus saw him. He figured he would walk around a bit, ask if a Justin Taylor worked there, and then be able to go home and tell everyone he tried.

After about ten minutes of wandering, he saw a sign advertising the "Faces of AIDS" exhibit and decided to check it out. He recognized the theme of this year's AIDS awareness campaign since his agency had done some work on it and was curious as to what he would find here. He picked up a pamphlet on his way in that said the exhibit featured the work of four local artists. He spent a few minutes looking at the sculptures in the middle of the room before turning his attention to the paintings.

The first wall of paintings contained some abstract pieces he didn't care for so Brian quickly moved on and found himself looking at Justin's work. There were about a dozen sketches, and Brian would have recognized Justin's pieces anywhere. Brian stood there for what seemed like forever completely amazed by what he was seeing. These drawings had a depth of emotion far greater than Justin's earlier work. Some made him smile; others made him want to look away from the sadness in them, but he couldn't. He found two of Vic. One showed him sitting at the kitchen table, in his robe and glasses, smiling, but with all his pill bottles spread out in front of him.

The other was of Vic and Debbie dancing. He couldn't count the number of times he'd walked in on the two of them dancing around the house like they didn't have a care in the world. Justin had captured them perfectly. Obviously, Justin hadn't forgotten about them after all. He flipped the pamphlet over and found a brief biographical sketch on all the artists. All he found out about Justin was that he was working in the art department of a local private school, and he recently had a few showings. It wasn't much, but as he reached for his cell phone, Brian hoped it would be enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian pulled up in front of Justin's apartment building and wondered once again if he'd lost his mind. He didn't want to be nervous, but he was. Justin still had too much power over him. It didn't matter how long they were apart; he knew the minute he saw him it would all start again. This wouldn't be some casual visit between old friends. Nothing with Justin had ever been casual. Thank God he knew Justin lived alone. Walking in on some cozy domestic scene might have been too much for him to handle.

In other circumstances, Brian would have been amused by seeing Justin rendered speechless by the sight of his ex-lover leaning casually against the door frame. Instead, he was grateful that Justin's shock gave him a few minutes to discreetly look him over. He still looked so young, standing there in his jeans and oversized sweatshirt. Until Brian looked in his eyes. Then he knew leaving had cost him more than he'd imagined. The urge to touch him, comfort him was so strong, but Brian knew this wasn't the time.

"Brian?" Justin finally managed to whisper.

"Where are your manners, Sunshine? Aren't you going to invite me in?" Brian pushed himself away from the door frame and made his way into the apartment. He was settled in a chair before Justin turned to follow him.

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

Brian shrugged, "I was in the neighborhood and decided to drop by."

Something in Brian's tone seemed to snap Justin out of his daze. "Don't give me that bullshit. It's been too long." Then a flicker of fear passed over his face, "Is everyone all right? Did something happen?"

"Everyone's fine, Justin," Brian allowed his voice to soften for just a second. "Now sit down so we can get reacquainted."

"You're not staying Brian. We have nothing to say to each other."

"Look I have two choices. I can come back with you in tow or with a full report of your life for the munchers and Deb. Take your pick."

"What's really going on? Why after all this time did you decide to look me up?"

Brian chose not to answer that question just yet. He knew the best way to get answers from Justin was to keep him off balance. "I saw your work at the museum. I'm impressed. I'm sure Vic would love to see the sketches you did of him."

"What the hell were you doing in an art museum in Philadelphia? Fuck whatever game you're playing, Brian. Just get out."

"This isn't a game, Justin. It is, however, time for you to start telling the truth. What happened two years ago? Why did you leave?"

"I needed to start a new life. One without you in it. No big deal."

"You never were a good liar, Justin. And even if you were, that wouldn't explain the way you left. Do you realize how worried everyone was when they realized you were gone, when they couldn't find you, when you never called to say you were OK? Debbie looked for you for a long time. It broke her heart to give up."

"I never meant to hurt anyone. With the way things were, it just seemed best. But you found me, so let everyone know I'm fine and leave it at that."

"It's not that simple Justin, and you know that. If I can't offer them something better than that, they'll probably show up en mass next weekend. You'll have to see them eventually. You know that."

"You already told them where I am?" Justin asked starting to look nervous.

"I didn't have to. Do you really think I showed up here on my own?" Brian hated the way that sounded and wished he could take it back when he saw Justin wince. "I didn't find you. Gus did. He saw you at the museum a few weeks ago."

Justin's head flew up at the mention of Gus's name. "Gus," he swallowed hard and looked away, "Gus shouldn't even remember me."

"Well, he does. Fuck Justin, you spent more time with him than I did. How could you think he'd forget? Once everyone found out, I had no choice but to come after you. I just never expected to be able to find you."

"Are you sorry you did?" Justin asked quietly.

Brian ran his hands through his hair. Justin always did ask the hard questions. For once, Brian decided to give him a straight answer, "No, I'm not. This disappearing act of yours has gone on long enough. It's time to come home." He held his breath for a moment wondering if Justin would understand what he was trying to say.

Justin shook his head sadly, "This is my home now. I have a job I like; I have a life here. It's too late. I can't go back."

Brian should have felt rejected, but the defeat in Justin's eyes made him more determined. "It's not too late unless you want it to be. Of course, if there's someone else to consider?"

Again Justin shook his head, "No, there's no one. There never has been anyone else."

Brian allowed himself a small smile at that revelation. "Then come back. At least for a visit and fill everyone in on this new life of yours."

"No."

Realizing this conversation was going no where, Brian decided to pull out the big guns, "Gus wants to see you. He was afraid to talk to you at the museum and he's worried he'll never get another chance. Listen, all those art lessons Lindsay insisted on have paid off. His school is having a student art show and he has some drawings in it. It would mean a lot to him if you came."

Longing and fear washed over Justin's face before he answered, "I can't"

Brian got up to leave, but stopped when he reached Justin and spoke softly in his ear, "Kip's in Omaha."

Justin's only reaction was to whisper softly, "I'll be there."

Brian nodded as he walked out the door, "I'll be in touch. Later."

He didn't look back to see Justin's reaction to his parting word. He needed to get away from Justin before he did something stupid. Like kiss him, or physically drag him back to the loft. Justin hadn't said much, but Brian could still read him well enough to know coming here was the smartest thing he had ever done. For both of them. It wasn't going to be easy, but in the end Brian Kinney always got what he wanted. And what he wanted was Justin back with him where he belonged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian shifted restlessly in his chair at Woody's and tried to concentrate on Michael's endless babbling while ignoring the voice in his head that kept reminding him that Justin would be here in two days. As much as he'd wanted to, Brian hadn't gone back to see Justin. Instead he settled for three short phone conversations. The first to give him the details of Gus's art show; the other two to confirm he would be coming and staying for a few days. None of these conversations had reassured Brian. Justin sounded so quiet and hesitant. Except for after the bashing, quiet and hesitant were two words he would never have used to describe Justin. He mentally replayed their last phone which had taken place about an hour ago.

"Do you have somewhere to stay? I could arrange"

"It's taken care of, Brian."

"Well, be at the school around six. And then dinner at Deb's."

Again the hesitation, "I don't know."

"Justin do you really want the first time Debbie and Emmett see you to be at Gus's school? We'd probably all get thrown out, and then Gus would have to change schools."

He thought he might have heard Justin laugh. "I guess you're right."

"I'm always right. We decided to let this be a surprise for Gus so be prepared."

"I said I'd be there, Brian, and I will. See you Thursday."

With that, Justin had hung up the phone leaving Brian cursing himself for always saying the wrong thing.

"Brian, are you even listening to me?" Michael's whining brought him back to the present.

"Of course, Mikey. You were talking about Ben. Where is our favorite professor this evening?"

"If you'd been listening, you'd know. What's with you tonight? You haven't listened to a word I've said." Not getting an immediate answer, Michael continued, "You're thinking about him, aren't you?"

Partly because he didn't want to discuss Justin and partly because he got perverse pleasure out of fucking with Mikey, Brian decided to play dumb, "If you mean the blonde over by the pool table, I was thinking about several ways I might allow him to please me."

Michael rolled his eyes, "I'm not that stupid and neither are you. I meant Justin. That's all anyone's been talking about. Ma's still pissed at you for not giving her his address. She wanted to go see him after they saw Vic's pictures."

"Which is exactly why I didn't tell her. The last thing we needed was your mom, Vic, Lindsay, and Melanie showing up on Justin's doorstep. He would have disappeared all over again."

"What I don't understand is why any of you care? Especially you. You weren't even speaking to him when he left."

"That doesn't matter and you know it. And beside, it's not about me; it's about Gus. He wants to see Justin. Just drop it, OK. Let's go to Babylon; I feel like dancing." Brian was already out of his chair leaving Michael no choice but to follow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And Chase made this one, isn't it awesome?" Gus pointed to a clay sculpture of what Brian thought was an eagle.

"Awesome," he murmured in response. Gus continued to chatter away, happily oblivious to the tension emanating from his parents. Between the three of them, they glanced at the door every five seconds. In the end, it was Gus who spotted him.

"Justin! I knew you'd come," Gus shouted as he flung himself at the blonde making his way toward them.

Brian had to look away from the emotion in Justin's eyes as Gus wrapped his arms around him. When he looked back, both Mel and Lindsay were hugging him, tears streaming down their faces.

"Baby, it's so good to see you."

"I can't believe you're really here."

"We've missed you so much."

Finally, Brian had enough, "Christ, you two are causing a scene. And I think you may have smothered our son."

Laughing and wiping their eyes, Lindsay and Melanie reluctantly let go of Justin.

Lindsay reached out one hand to gently touch Justin's face, "Thank you."

Justin looked like he was going to say something, but the moment was lost was Gus piped up, "Thanks, Da. I couldn't breathe down there. Come on, Justin. I want to show you my pictures."

Everyone relaxed and followed as Gus dragged Justin down the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian pulled the jeep into Deb's driveway and waited for the others to arrive. Gus had insisted on riding with Justin, something Brian was thankful for because it meant Justin had to show up. He hoped this dinner wasn't as awkward as the school visit had been. While Justin had talked to Gus at length about his drawings, he'd otherwise been uncharacteristically silent. Even Lindsay had given up on trying to make small talk. Luckily Gus kept up a running commentary on everything they had seen.

He could still hear Gus talking as they made their way onto the front porch. Justin reached out a hand to knock on the door, but Brian beat him to and walked in unannounced. All conversation stopped when the door opened.

Debbie broke the silence with a loud shriek when she got her first glimpse of Justin, "Sunshine!" she shouted. "Oh honey, I can't believe it's really you. Let me get a good look at you." She held him at arms length for a second before enveloping him in a rib crushing hug the likes of which hadn't been seen since Michael returned from Portland.

Vic was the next to greet him. He settled for a long hug and a subdued, "Good to see you again."

"You too, Vic. You look good," Justin managed to answer.

Emmett opened his mouth three or four times to speak but no words ever came out. He finally hugged Justin and kissed him on the top of the head. Brian's glare kept the others at bay and once again Gus came to the rescue.

"Can we eat now Grandma? I'm starving."

"Of course, sugar. What was I thinking? Everyone to the table." Deb was in full waitress mode now, and there was no stopping her. "Michael, make sure the glasses are full. Gus, you give everyone their napkin. Ben, come help me with the serving bowls. Mel, light the candles." Justin took a step forward, but she cut him off before he could speak, "Don't even think about it Sunshine. Just sit your bubble butt down and let me enjoy you."

Brian sat as far away from Justin as he could. Usually when they ate at Deb's, they played some interesting variations of footsie under the table. A little distance was probably for the best. There is nothing like good food, lots of wine, and a nine-year-old for easing tensions. As a result, dinner went surprisingly well. Once he relaxed a bit, Justin's breeding took over and he was his usual charming self. He kept the conversation focused on what everyone else had been doing rather than on himself. He and Ben discussed teaching. He laughed with Emmett over his latest romantic disaster. He seemed surprised but pleased to learn Ted had been living with someone for over a year. Michael pouted most of the evening, but even he gave in and told Justin about the new store he was opening.

They only person Justin never directly addressed was Brian. As far as Brian was concerned, this was a good thing. Justin wouldn't bother avoiding him unless he still had feelings for him.

"Justin, honey, those pictures you did of Vic. Well, they were just beautiful," Deb told him reaching for his hand across the table.

"You saw them?" Justin asked clearly startled.

"Of course we did. As soon as Brian told us about them, we had to see them. Lindsay and Melanie came with us. The asshole, here," Deb gestured toward Brian, "wouldn't tell us where you lived or we would have come to see you too."

"Love you too, Deb," Brian yelled across the table.

"You don't mind do you, Vic."

"Not at all. In fact, I'm flattered you included me," he reassured Justin.

"I'll send them to you once the show's over, if you want."

"Justin, I was impressed by the whole series. How long did you work on it?" Lindsay asked.

This led to a rather lengthy discussion on art Brian only half listened to. Justin planned to stay in town few days which didn't give Brian a whole lot of time. He had two objectives. One was to find out what really happened with Kip. The other was to start convincing Justin to come home. He wasn't sure which would prove more difficult. The more time he spent with Justin, the more realized how much he missed him. He was tired of games and being alone. Brian Kinney might finally be growing up, but he didn't want to do it without Justin. He reluctantly tore his thoughts and gaze away from Justin when Ted asked him about a new campaign he was working on.

Finally around 10:30, Justin got up to leave. Overexcited and up past his bedtime, Gus began to whine, "But I want to go with you, Justin."

"Gus, stop that or you'll grow up sounding like your Uncle Mikey," Brian scolded him.

Everyone laughed at Michael's indignant, "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't worry, Gus. I'll be over after school tomorrow. Think of something fun for us to do," Justin told him.

After twenty minutes of goodbyes, hugs, kisses, and promises to see everyone again, Justin made it out the door. Brian slipped out behind him and caught up to him before he reached his car. "So was it as bad as you thought?"

"No, it wasn't bad at all. It was," Justin looked away as if searching for the right answer, "strange. It was like I'd been gone forever, but sometimes it felt like I never left. Everyone seems happy. Even Ted."

"Not everyone," Brian answered softly. He sighed when Justin averted his eyes, afraid he was pushing too fast. "Look Justin, you don't have to avoid me. I won't bite."

"I'm not avoiding you." At Brian's look he gave in, "OK, maybe a little. It's just I can't figure out where you fit into all this. I understand how they all feel," he said pointing to the house. "I even know why Michael wishes I'd never come back. But you, I don't understand. If it were really all about Gus, you could have sent Lindsay or Melanie after me. After the way things ended between us, why did you come find me?"

"Maybe because I wanted to. If you want a better explanation than that, you're going to have to answer some questions of your own. But not tonight. You need your beauty sleep because we're going to Babylon tomorrow."

"I am not going to Babylon."

"Oh yes you are. Come on, it will be fun. The lost king returns to his kingdom. Everyone will fuss over you. You'll love it. I'll pick you up at your hotel around ten."

Justin raised his eyebrows in disbelief, "You are going to pick me up and take me to Babylon. That sounds more like a date then anything we ever did before. Is the world coming to an end?"

"Fuck you. I just thought you might have forgotten where it was," Brian was secretly pleased Justin was beginning to act like himself. He took a step toward Justin and gave him his most persuasive look. The one Justin had never been able to resist. He leaned down so his face was close to Justin's before speaking, "Please. I haven't had anyone good to dance with in forever. I promise no trips to the backroom. Unless of course, you'd care to join me."

Justin laughed and gave Brian the first real smile he'd seen from him. "What the hell. Ten it is."

Brian leaned all the way in then and captured Justin's lips in a soft kiss. He was about to pull away when he felt Justin's tongue slip into his mouth. Surprised, but pleased Brian deepened the kiss. He brought one hand to the back of Justin's head to pull him closer and traced a lazy path up and down his back with the other. He felt arms wrap around his waist as he heard Justin groan.

They stayed like this for a long time, but eventually and with great reluctance Brian broke off the kiss. He slowly caressed Justin's face and tilted his head to meet his eyes, "Later."

This time Justin answered him. "Later," he said with a small smile.

They walked to their cars still slightly dazed and oblivious to the faces pressed up against Debbie's front window.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian waited until Justin was settled in the jeep to speak. God, he was gorgeous. Luckily, Brian had enough sense to have Justin meet him in the lobby. One look at him in his tight black pants and basically see through silver shirt and he knew he's made the right decision. Otherwise, they'd still be in Justin's hotel room. As much as Brian wanted that, he wouldn't risk sending Justin back into hiding. "So, what did you and Gus do today?"

"We went to one of those arcade/restaurant combos. Your son is quite the video game master," Justin laughed.

"Who had more fun? I recall someone else having a fondness for video games."

"Well it wasn't a hardship to play with him. Who's going to be there tonight?"

Brian heard the tension in Justin's voice when he asked that last question, "Michael and Ben, Emmett, Ted. Dan, Ted's whatever, is still out of town so he won't be there. Why? Are you nervous?"

"No, it's just they all know what happened last night and . . ."

"Don't tell me you think our friends and family would stoop so low as to spy on us? Whatever gave you that idea?"

Justin laughed at Brian's feigned shock, "Mel and Lindsay were too giddy even for them. And when I stopped at the diner for lunch, Deb told me three times how happy she was with the way things ended last night, emphasis on ended."

"Not exactly subtle are they? At least you missed breakfast. Michael glared at me the whole time, Emmett felt compelled to review his favorite screen kisses, and Deb smiled at me all morning without yelling even once. What did Gus have to say? I'm sure he was watching along with the rest of them."

"He told me he wished he had two dads like he has two moms," Justin looked away as he answered.

"Oh," Brian was saved from making a more meaningful response when they arrived at Babylon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, Brian was searching the club for Justin. Between Emmett's fussing and what seemed like eighty million other people who wanted to talk to Justin, Brian hadn't spent more than five minutes with him. Spotting him at the bar, he slipped up behind him, "Hey, I thought you came here to dance?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Justin gave him a bright smile and led him to the dance floor.

It didn't take long for them to get back in sync with each other. To say they attracted attention was an understatement. They had once been the most interesting couple on Liberty Avenue and most people were hoping they would pick up where they left off. Dancing gave both of them an excuse to relax the walls between them. Out here it was OK to be close and touch each other. Brian couldn't believe how relaxed he was. He hadn't been this happy in God only knows how long. But as Mikey once told him in a rare and ill-timed moment of perception, he always liked dancing with Justin.

Several songs later Brian was seriously rethinking his no backroom promise. Being this close to Justin had him ready to explode, and sexual frustration was not a feeling Brian was used to or enjoyed. Finally, he put a hand on Justin's shoulder to stop his movements, "Let's take a break. I'll buy you a drink."

Justin followed him to the bar, teasing him about his age. "I'd watch it if I were you. You're not getting any younger. Before you know it you'll be as old as I was when you met me."

"I'll always be younger than you," Justin replied sticking his tongue out at Brian.

"Brat. For that, you can buy the drinks."

A few minutes later, Emmett dragged Justin back out to the dance floor. Brian smiled as he watched them. Now he understood how Justin felt last night. Right now it was like Justin had never left. This was just another night at Babylon. But he could feel every minute that Justin had been absent from his bed. Not wanting to follow that line of thought, he decided it was time to reclaim his favorite partner.

"Want to go back to the loft?" Brian asked as they walked to the jeep a few hours later.

"No. And you're not coming up to my room either."

"You are no fun at all. Remind me why I asked you to come with me?"

"Don't blame this on me. You came up with the no backroom policy all on your own," Justin continued to tease. "It's not that late. I'm sure you can pick someone up on your way home."

Brian didn't want to break the mood so he didn't tell Justin that he was the only person he wanted in his bed. Instead he made some joke about lack of options and turned the radio on. When they reached the hotel, he stopped Justin before he could get out. "It's still early. Stay and talk to me for a little bit."

"Nothing too serious. I had a good time tonight. Let the rest go."

"All right, no twenty questions for now. But at least tell me why Philadelphia?"

"Why not Philadelphia? No reason really. It was the first bus leaving. I didn't plan to stay; I didn't plan anything. Things just worked out."

"I can't believe you're teaching. At a private school of all places. Is it St. James all over again?"

"God no," Justin laughed. "It's a very student centered school. My classes are small and the kids in them are actually interested in art. It's not just an easy credit for them. And the schedule's great. I have a lot of time to work on my own stuff."

"I imagine once they get a look at you there's a waiting list of teenage girls for your classes. Maybe a few boys as well. I would have loved to have a teacher like you in high school."

"I'm glad there are no Brian Kinney's in my classes. I don't want to end up being someone's shower story. I've had my share of propositions from girls and boys. It's a bit disconcerting especially when I remember what I was like. I don't know how you put up with me."

"I guess you can't really go with the standard `you're too young for me' excuse. But don't fool yourself; you were never the average teenager. And it was no hardship putting up with you. So what is your social life like? You said there was no one to consider. Why not?"

Justin shrugged, "At first I wasn't ready. Then later, there just hasn't been anyone who interests me. You're a tough act to follow." He shot a meaningful look in Brian's direction before continuing. "But there are plenty of backrooms in Philadelphia and plenty of guys willing to show them to you. What about you? Has there been anyone for you to consider?"

Brian laughed and gave Justin a look of total disbelief before answering, "Are you crazy? Absolutely not. I find I do my best work on a one time only basis."

"I think that's my cue to leave. Good night, Brian. I'll see you tomorrow," Justin smiled and reached for the door.

"Wait," Brian reached out and grasped his wrist. "Since I don't get to walk you to the door, don't I at least get a kiss?"

He expected Justin to refuse and was pleased when he leaned toward him and gave him a gentle kiss. But Brian wasn't interested in gentle. He pulled Justin closer and began a heated exploration of his mouth. He then traced the line of his jaw with his tongue and pulled Justin's ear lope into his mouth, nipping at the flesh with his teeth. Justin responded by pressing himself as close to Brian as he could. Brian then returned his attention to Justin's mouth. Lips met, tongues dueled until finally Justin pulled away. He rested his forehead against Brian's for a moment as they tried to catch their breath. Before Brian could say anything, Justin placed a quick kiss on his lips and left.

"Fuck!" Not rushing Justin was going to kill him, Brian thought as he headed back to an empty loft and a cold shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian slipped away from the crowd and lit a cigarette. Round two of `Welcome Back Justin' events was a barbeque at the munchers. All this family togetherness was getting to be a bit much, but Justin seemed to be enjoying himself. Brian took a deep drag on his cigarette, grateful that Gus had left a few minutes ago for a sleep over and he would be spared his son's one-man anti-smoking campaign.

Realizing Justin would be leaving soon, Brian decided it was time to get his answers.

"Hey, want to go for a drive?" Brian asked as he pulled Justin aside.

"Now?"

"Yes, now. You'll be heading back soon so it's now or never."

Justin looked nervously at the rest of the group, "Won't it be rude to just leave like that?"

"It will save you a big long drawn out goodbye scene. We'll just slip out. No one will care. It's not like we haven't done it before." Brian didn't add that in the past they always slipped away for sex. No point in pushing his luck yet.

"Let's go before anyone notices."

Both men were silent during the drive to the loft. Surprisingly, Justin didn't object when they arrived at the destination. He followed Brian into the elevator and paused for a moment at the entrance to the loft. "You haven't changed anything. It looks the same."

Brian just shrugged, having no interest in discussing decorating. "Want something to drink?" he asked moving into the kitchen.

"Sure."

Brian got them both a beer and waited until Justin sat down on the couch before asking his first question, "What the hell happened with Kip?"

Justin shot him a panicked look before turning away, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit. Kip came to see me after you left. He had some interesting stories to tell me. What the fuck were you thinking? Having sex with him and then blackmailing him? Were you out of your fucking mind?" Brain stopped there when he realized he was yelling. He took a deep breath while he waited for Justin's answer. He was shocked when he heard Justin laugh.

"He told you we had sex? And you believed him? Please. I have better sense than that," he raised his eyebrows and gave Brian a long look before continuing. "I didn't even let him finish blowing me. A few vague references to my psychotic father and he was more than happy to drop the lawsuit. It was no big deal."

"If it was no big deal, why did I have to hear about it from him? You acted as clueless I as was when he dropped the lawsuit. Why didn't you tell me?"

"What did you care? The suit was dropped; you were happy. I didn't want you to think I wanted anything from you. I had enough trouble figuring out where I fit into your life without adding guilt and obligation to the mix. Look Brian, this all happened a long time ago. There is no point to this conversation. If this is what you wanted to discuss, I might as well go," Justin stood up and seemed ready to walk out the door.

"Sit down. You're not going anywhere," Brian quietly commanded. "We have a lot more to discuss. Starting with Kip's little blackmail scheme."

"If Kip already told you what happened, you don't need to hear it again."

"What I need is to hear the truth. What Kip told me made no sense. He said he forced you to leave me by threatening to expose you. To who? He thought I already knew. He could tell your bosses, but even if they cared he'd have to tell them about his lawsuit. And it's not like you couldn't find another job." Brian moved to stand in front of Justin and looked him directly in the eye, "Tell me what really happened or I'll hunt Kip down in Omaha and beat the truth from him."

Looking decidedly uncomfortable, Justin sat back down, "Kip showed up in my office one day to work on some project. He was pretty pissed when he saw me. He told me I had ruined his life and he was going to return the favor. At first he did threaten to expose me, but I told him to fuck off. Like you said, who was he going to tell. I told him to do whatever the fuck he wanted, but he couldn't hurt me." Justin looked down at his hands and took a deep breath. "Then he saw a picture of you and Gus on my desk, and he knew exactly how to hurt me. Are you sure you want to hear this? It's over; it shouldn't matter anymore."

"It matters. Go on."

"He became obsessed with breaking us up. He asked around and found out who Gus was. Then he had his weapon."

Not wanting to scare Justin, Brian kept the anger out of his voice, "Did he threaten to hurt Gus?"

"Not physically. He said it would be bad for Gus if people found out what kind of man his father was. If they found out how much time he spent with his blackmailing slut of a lover. I figured he meant going to Gus's school or at worst children's services. I couldn't let that happen. Especially since you had signed your parental rights over to Melanie. What if they tried to stop you from seeing him? So I did what he wanted."

"Then why did you freak out when Gus was hurt? Why did you leave town the next day?" Brian had to be sure Justin wasn't lying to him. If Kip had thought about harming Gus, he was a dead man.

"It was mostly about timing. Kip had been pressuring me to quit my job. I think the thrill of our breakup was wearing thin. We were almost finished with a big project, and I told him I wanted to wait until that was done. He wasn't happy with the delay and when Lindsay called and said Gus was in the hospital, I panicked. I couldn't be sure Kip hadn't gone one step further. That isn't what happened, but I couldn't take the chance anymore."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have taken care of Kip."

"It was my problem. I didn't want anyone else involved, and I didn't want to worry anyone. Leaving was the easiest solution. If I was gone, Kip would lose interest in Gus. I knew Gus would be safe. Kip was too afraid of you to go after you so his plan would be ruined. It worked out for the best. No one was ever supposed to know. Why the hell did Kip come to see you?"

"He wanted to gloat. He told me how much fun he had hurting you. He left out the part about Gus. He's not as stupid as I thought because if he had mentioned Gus's name I would have killed him right there. He wanted to know how I felt about your leaving."

"What did you tell him?" Justin asked quietly.

"What the fuck do you think I told him?" Brian was so angry he didn't know what to do. Angry at himself for fucking Kip in the first place. He never thought a quick fuck on his desk would lead to all this. Angry at Kip for hurting Justin and having the balls to threaten his son. Angry at Justin for letting Kip get away with it instead of coming to him. He ran his hands through his hair and practically shouted his answer, "I told him I never noticed you were gone. Jesus, Justin"

Justin cut him off before he could continue, "Well now you know everything. The whole stupid story. You have your answers." He got up and headed for the door.

Brian hated the bitterness he heard in his voice. "Justin," he grabbed his wrist and stopped him from leaving. But he didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to scream at Justin for letting Kip screw up their lives. Part of him wanted to thank him for giving up his whole life to protect Gus. So he decided not to say anything and kiss Justin instead.

Before he knew it, they were making their way to the bed; mouths still joined, clothes frantically removed on the way. Brian paused when he got his first look at Justin naked. He was still the most beautiful, perfect man he had ever seen. He could stare at him forever. Justin took advantage of his stillness to begin covering his body with kisses. When he reached his very hard cock, he flashed Brian a bright smile before taking it in his mouth. At the feel of Justin's mouth and tongue on his cock, Brian thought his heart stopped. All he could do was lay back and enjoy what Justin was doing to him. Justin deep throated Brian's cock while lightly stroking his balls with one hand. He alternately sucked, licked and teased until Brian could take it no more. As Justin once more engulfed his entire cock, Brian let out a loud groan and shot down his throat.

Once he recovered, Brain decided it was his turn to torment Justin. He rolled Justin onto his back and start with several deep kisses. He then nibbled and licked his way along his collarbones and down his chest. He circled his nipples with his tongue and just before he took the first one into his mouth, he reached down and took Justin's cock into his hands. He would gently tug on one nipple with his teeth, then lick and blow on the other one; all while keeping up a steady rhythm with his hands. When he heard Justin gasp for breath, he knew he was close. He than abandoned Justin's nipples and turned his full attention to his cock. He traced the tip with his tongue and lightly ran a path up and down the length. Then at the last minute, he took the whole thing in his mouth so he could taste Justin as he reached his climax.

He went back to kissing Justin until both their heartbeats returned to a reasonable level. He then positioned Justin on his stomach and gave him a very thorough and erotic massage. Once Justin was relaxed, his tongue followed a familiar path down his back. But this time he bypassed his ass and concentrated on placing open mouthed kisses along his inner thighs. Finally when Justin was squirming in anticipation and pleasure, he parted his cheeks. Just the sight of his hole was enough to make him harder, something he hadn't thought possible. With a sigh, he leaned in and slowly licked around the opening.

"My God, Brian. Please," Justin muttered breathlessly.

Without warning, Brian thrust his tongue into Justin. Enjoying the sounds of pleasure Justin was making, he continued to explore with his tongue. When they had both had enough, he reached for a condom and prepared himself. With one long, smooth stroke, he entered Justin completely.

"Fuck," was all Justin could manage as he pushed up to meet Brian.

Brian struggled for control as Justin's tight heat surrounded him. He finally set a slow deep rhythm designed to give both of them maximum pleasure. With each thrust, Justin arched up toward him. Brian reached for Justin's cock again. As he pushed even deeper into Justin, they climaxed together. Still trying to catch his breath, Brian collapsed against Justin and kissed the side of his neck. "You OK?" he whispered.

He felt more than heard Justin laugh before he managed to flip himself over so he was facing Brian. He reached a hand up to Brian's face and gave him a long kiss as an answer. After a quick clean up, Brian pulled Justin into his arms and fell asleep.

When he woke up the next morning, the only thing on the other side of the bed was a piece of paper. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" he exclaimed as he reached for the note Justin left him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian,

Last night was a mistake. A beautiful mistake, but still a mistake. I am going back to Philadelphia. Don't contact me again. If Gus wants to see me, Lindsay and Melanie can call. You got what you wanted from me. Now let me go like you did before.

Justin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The fuck I will," Brian crumbled up the note and threw it across the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later, Brian was trying to figure out what to do next. He had called Justin's school to make sure he showed up for work. As long as he knew where Justin was, he had to time to come up with a plan. He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Gus opening the car door. "Hey, how was practice?"

"Good. Can we go to the diner now? I'm hungry."

"Of course," Brian answered with a smile. Not many nine-year-olds frequented the diner, but Gus had grown up on Liberty Avenue. And Debbie loved to fuss over him.

"Da, why did you let Justin leave?"

"What?" Brian asked, looking up from the plate of food he'd been picking at.

"You were supposed to make him stay."

Brian really did not want to have this conversation, but it didn't look like he had a choice. "Look Gus, I know you saw Justin and I kiss. Maybe you thought that meant he would stay, but we don't have that type of relationship anymore. Even before he moved, we weren't together. You remember that. Besides, Justin lives in Philadelphia now. It's not that far you can still see him."

Gus rolled his eyes, "I know I can see him again, Da. But I wanted him to stay for you. When Justin was here you used to smile and laugh all the time, I just wanted you to be happy again."

"Gus, I appreciate that, but I am happy. With a great son like you, how could I be anything but happy? I know that you remember Justin and I being happy together, but sometimes it's more complicated than that. Things didn't work out for us."

"I'm not stupid, and I'm not a little kid anymore. I know what it means when you kiss someone like that. Justin would have stayed if you asked him."

Praying this wasn't going to turn into a conversation about sex, Brian tried to wrap it up, "It was just a friendly kiss. You see me kiss people all the time. Your mom, Uncle Mikey. I don't want you to think it means Justin and I are getting back together"

"Mom doesn't count because she's a girl. And you never kiss Uncle Mikey like that, gross! Mama said you never told Justin you loved him. That's why he left you. That and something about doing too many tricks. I never saw you do any tricks. Did she mean magic tricks?"

Brian choked on his water when Gus mentioned tricks, "It means you shouldn't eavesdrop on your mothers' conversation."

"When I was in the hospital, Justin told me he was leaving. He said it wasn't because of me and that he loved me. Than he said, he had a really important favor to ask me. He said since he would be gone I needed to take care of you and tell you I loved you everyday so you wouldn't forget. If you never told Justin you loved him, how is he supposed to remember? If you told him now, he'd come home. I know he would."

Not knowing what to say to Gus, Brian changed the subject by asking him if he wanted dessert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, Brian sat at the bar at Babylon trying to forget his talk with Gus. He looked out and saw Michael waving to him from the dance floor. Brian finished his drink and decided to join his friend.

"Hey, what's up?" Michael asked him with a smile.

"Not much. Are you on your own tonight?"

"Ben will be here later. Emmett's on a date and Ted is having a reunion dinner with Dan. So it's you and me for now."

"Great," Brian answered hoping Michael wouldn't be in the mood to talk.

"Mom talked to Justin today."

Brian tried to appear uninterested, "Did she?"

"Yeah, she wanted to know when he was coming back."

"Hmmmm."

"He said he didn't know. We could be rid of him for good if you didn't keep encouraging him."

Obviously, Michael wasn't taking the hint, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"First you kiss him. Where everyone can see you!"

"I didn't realize Deb's driveway was a public viewing area."

Michael continued as if Brian hadn't spoken, "And then you fucked him!"

"And how would you know that?"

"Lindsay said he didn't pick up his car till morning. I know you two weren't talking all night."

"What the fuck to you care, anyway?"

"I don't want him getting any ideas about you getting back together. Then he'll be hanging around all the time again."

Brian was really starting to get pissed so he didn't say anything. But Michael just kept talking, "I mean it took him forever to get the hint last time."

"What are you talking about?"

"Anyone could see you were sick of him right around his graduation. But did he get it? Nooo. It was months before he finally left. I don't now why you didn't throw him out once he had a job. He didn't need you to take care of him anymore, and it was clear you didn't want him around."

"Is that what you think?"

"It's not what I think; it's what I know. You felt responsible for his dad cutting him off and for what happened to his hand. But he got through school, he got a good job. There was nothing for you to feel guilty about anymore. No wonder you were so eager to get rid of him. You'd put your life on hold long enough. Even he finally had to admit he wasn't there because you loved him. He should have let you go along time ago. Just tell me it isn't starting again."

Brian didn't hear the last thing Michael said because he had finally figured it out. Between what Michael and Gus had told him, he might actually know what Justin was thinking. Feeling hopeful for the first time since he woke up alone, he gave Michael a huge smile, "Mikey you are so fucked up, but sometimes you're a genius. If this works, I'll owe you everything." He gave him a quick kiss and headed out the door ignoring the questions Michael continued to yell after him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday afternoon Brian stood outside Justin's apartment waiting for him to come home. He had been tempted to drive here straight from Babylon the other night, but decided to wait. By coming on the weekend, Justin couldn't use work as an excuse to escape him. A few minutes later, he spotted Justin coming toward him.

"Brian, what are you doing here?" he asked clearly irritated.

"We have some unfinished business. Now be a good boy and let me in."

Justin glared at him as he unlocked the door, "I told you not to contact me again. I thought I was fairly clear."

"I lied to Kip. I thought you would know that," Brian got right to the point. No games this time.

"What are you talking about?"

"When I told him I never noticed you were gone. Did you think I would actually tell him the truth? I wouldn't give him the satisfaction."

"Brian," Justin whispered closing his eyes.

"Listen to me for a minute," he led Justin over to the couch and sat down facing him. "I wouldn't tell Kip that I hated coming home to an empty loft. That I missed all the stories you told me about your day. That I had gotten used to having the same person in my bed every night. That I still picked up the phone to call you when a meeting went well. I wouldn't let him see that he had won; that he had taken something away from me."

"Don't," Justin put a hand up to stop him. "Don't do this. I don't want to hear this."

"Justin, I never let you go."

"Don't lie to me, Brian. I was there; I know what happened. Why do you think I didn't come to you about Kip? Because I didn't think you would care. I may have left town to protect Gus, but I left you because it was what you wanted. You let me go Brian. You let me walk out the door without a word. There was still a part of me that hoped I was wrong, but you didn't fight for me, for us. Don't try and tell me you didn't let me go."

"I didn't let you go, but I did push you away."

"Semantics, Brian. It's all the same in the end."

"No, it's not. There is a difference. I didn't fight you because I thought you needed to go. Even after I found out about Kip, I thought that was just an excuse."

He could see Justin struggling to decide if he should say anything. Finally, he just asked "Why?"

"Because of the job in California."

"What job in California?"

"The one you never told me about. You were going to outgrow me eventually. You just needed a push to move on. You even told me when you left I was never going to give you what you wanted."

"If I never told you about the job, how did you know about it?"

"Michael mentioned it to me. He said it was a great opportunity, and he couldn't believe you passed it up."

"You are so fucked! Why would you ever listen to Michael, who would sell his soul to get rid of me?" Justin pulled farther away from Brian anger evident in his voice. "I didn't tell you about the job because I wasn't interested. It was drawing for some stupid comic book. That's Michael's dream job, not mine. I only told him because I knew some people who were interested, and I wanted to know if it was a good company. If it was important, I would have talked to you about it."

"I didn't want you to miss out on anything because of me. I didn't want you to feel tied down," Brian tried to explain what he had done.

"Again, those are your demons, not mine. When are you going to stop hurting people for what you think is their own good? Instead of asking me what I wanted, you decided for me. Fuck that."

"Will you calm down. I am just trying to explain what I thought at the time. I know better now."

"And how did you arrive at this brilliant revelation?" Justin threw back at him.

"Gus. He told me what you said to him at the hospital. How you asked him to take care of me and tell me he loved me so I wouldn't forget."

"Someone needs to tell you," Justin answered softly.

"Gus is pretty smart you know. He also said you would come home if I asked you to. Was he right?"

"What do I have to go home to?"

"He asked me if I never told you I loved you how could you remember? I also depended on you to know how I felt about you, but that doesn't work anymore. I can't tell you I love you. I'm still not sure what that means. I can tell you that you mean more to me than anyone else in my life. When we were together, I was happy or as close to happy as I've ever been. You complete me in ways I don't understand. I want you with me. Can that be enough for you?"

"Brian, I love you; I always have. It's not the words I need from you. It's the feeling behind them. I thought I knew how you felt about me, but then you changed the rules on me. It was easy to let other people's doubt creep in. I needed to know that I mattered to you, and you wouldn't give me that. Your reasons don't matter. I need to know that you would fight for me."

Obviously Justin wasn't quite ready to jump back in his arms, but Brian was determined. "I'm fighting for you now. All I've ever had is my reputation and my pride. I am putting that aside for you. I always said never go after anyone, but here I am. I'm asking you to come back. Don't misunderstand, I'm not proposing marriage or anything. But I still want to come home to you every night. I want you to be the only who sleeps in my bed. I want to wake up with you every morning." Brian stopped and waited for Justin's reaction. This was the most he'd ever opened up to anyone, and he hoped it would be enough.

Justin gave him the most beautiful smile and said, "Gus was right. All you had to do was ask."

"Thank God," he whispered before pressing his mouth down on Justin's. He wanted, needed to reclaim Justin. He quickly shed both of them of their clothing and pulled Justin tightly against him. He kissed him roughly, pushing his tongue deep into Justin's mouth. He groaned when Justin reached his hands around to his ass and pressed their hardening cocks against each other. Brian responded by rolling Justin's nipples in his fingers and then pulling on the hard buds. When Justin slipped a hand between them and began stroking Brian's cock, Brian bit him gently on the neck and nuzzled the sensitive flesh there.

They continued teasing and tormenting each other until they were both panting and covered with sweat. At one point, Justin reached a hand up to stroke Brian's face. When he neared his mouth, Brian pulled his fingers into his mouth. He sucked then deeply into his mouth then pulled back and sucked them back in. He swirled his tongue around and in between them smiling when Justin closed his eyes and sighed. Justin pulled his hand away and stunned Brian by sliding one wet finger into his hole.

"Ahhh," Brian gasped at the unexpected pleasure. Justin explored him gently for a minute then added a second finger. He slipped them in an out slowly going deeper and faster with each entry. Finally, when Brian thought he would explode right then, Justin pulled away and shoved a condom into his hand.

"Fuck me Brian," he demanded breathlessly.

Brian positioned Justin beneath him. He leaned down and kissed him once more while he put on the condom and lube Justin had also managed to produce. He pushed partly into Justin and paused to make sure he was ready. When Justin tried to push up and bring him the rest of the way in, Brian thrust as deeply as he could. He saw Justin's eyes glaze over with pleasure before Justin leaned up, reached a hand into Brian's hair, and pulled him down for a kiss. Brian knew they would last long as continued to pound into Justin.

With each thrust, he pulled almost all the way out before quickly pushing back in as deep as he could. His hands kept up a similar rhythm on Justin's cock. They were both gasping for breath and straining to stay as close as possible.

"God, Brian I love you," Justin yelled as he climaxed. Brian felt Justin contract around him and shouted his own release. After getting rid of the condom, he shifted on the couch so they were laying side by side. He kissed Justin gently and stroked his hand along his back. Justin wiggled closer and brushed Brian's hair back from his face.

"I do love you Brian. We'll be OK this time."

"I know we will, baby," Brian answered as he laid his head on Justin's shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, they made it to the bed. Justin turned on his side and smiled at Brian. "So I have Gus to thank for this reunion?"

"Well Gus and Michael."

"Michael? You've got to be kidding."

Brian laughed and filled Justin in on the conversation they had at Babylon. "Mikey unintentionally gave me the last piece to the puzzle. He helped me understand what you were thinking when you broke things off. That's when I knew what to do to get you back."

"Give me your cell phone," Justin demanded with a devilish look in his eye.

"What?"

"Give me your cell phone," he repeated.

Brian shook his head and gave it to him. Justin turned it on and hit a speed dial.

"Ben, hi I didn't wake you up did I? It's Justin. Can I talk to Michael? Hi Michael, just wanted to say thank you. For what? Well if it wasn't for you, Brian and I would never have gotten back together. He's right; we do owe you everything. No, I am not making a crank call," he put his hand over the mouthpiece and turned to Brian, "He doesn't believe me. You talk to him."

Brian took the phone back in time to hear Michael say, "What the fuck is going on. Brian is that you? Where are you?"

"Hello to you too, Mikey. I'm in Justin's bed right now. No, he's not kidding. We have you to thank for it. Tell your mother he'll be home real soon. Bye." He shut the phone off ignoring the sound of Michael's voice as he kept talking. "You are evil Justin. I am never going to hear the end of that one."

"Poor baby."

"You're not getting off the hook that easy."

"I guess I'll just have to make it up to you," Justin replied reaching for Brian. He spent the rest of the night doing just that.

When he woke up the next morning, Brian was staring at him. "What are you doing?"

"Enjoying my first day of waking up with you."

"I love you."

"What was that for?" Brian asked.

"Now it's my job to tell you everyday. That way you'll never forget."

"Neither will you this time?"

"Never," Justin said with a smile and he leaned over for his first kiss of the day.

**Title from the fabulous Erasure song Alien.

Return to Jule