Variations on a Theme: Cuddling or Something Like It

Author's Notes: Written for the First Annual Brian and Justin Cuddle Day Celebration on InsaneJournal. Inspired by the wonderful happier_bunny
Beta: pinkfriction Thank you!

 

I.
As Brian walked back to the bed he noticed the scarf still lying on the floor. He picked it up and folded it carefully before setting on the top shelf of his closet. He wouldn’t be wearing it again. Brian wasn’t stupid; he knew one night, one fuck couldn’t fix anything. Justin’s hand was still damaged; he’d still been bashed in the fucking head, and Brian knew the litany of what ifs that ran through his own head weren’t going away. But it was more than they had yesterday; it was a start.

Justin didn’t stir when he got back into the bed. Despite sleeping earlier, Brian knew he had to be exhausted. Brian settled carefully behind Justin, mimicking their earlier position. He wrapped his arms around Justin and waited. If anything, Justin relaxed even more, his body warm and solid against Brian’s. It was such a relief to be able to touch Justin without him flinching or shying away; Brian gradually stopped holding himself still. He rested his head in hollow of Justin’s shoulder, breathing his scent and feeling his heartbeat. Without thinking, he picked up Justin’s right hand and began massage the palm with his thumb. Justin sighed and moved closer to Brian, but didn’t wake up.

Time passed, and Justin continued to sleep. Brian began to hope the nightmares would leave him alone at least for tonight. Just in case they didn’t, Brian would keep watch.

II.
Brian woke with a gasp as another dream about Vic startled him from sleep. Justin was holding him tightly, his face pressed against Brian’s chest, the skin under Justin’s cheek damp with his sweat. The dream began to replay in his mind, and Brian shook his head, trying to chase it away.

The movement must have disturbed Justin because he turned toward Brian. He lifted his head and frowned, face and eyes still puffy with sleep. When Justin opened his mouth to speak, Brian gently pressed two fingers against his lips. “Shhh,” he whispered, “Go back to sleep.” He smoothed his hands up Justin’s face, brushing away hair that wasn’t long enough yet to require the gesture.

Brian breathed a sigh of relief when Justin settled against his chest again. Any other night Justin would have kissed Brian, then crawled on top of him and ridden him slowly like they had all the time in the world. Any other night Brian would have quirked an eyebrow and found himself with a face full of Justin’s perfect ass, and his cock engulfed in Justin’s even more perfect mouth.

But it wasn’t any other night, and those comforts were denied Brian. If Justin had pushed, Brian wouldn’t have had an explanation; at least not one he was willing to give. But the moment had passed, and Justin was still there. He was still here in Brian’s bed, in his arms, and that would be enough. At least until it wasn’t.

Convinced Justin was asleep, Brian kissed the top of his head and trailed his fingers along his back. Justin was heavy, and his arm kept Brian’s neck at an awkward angle, but Brian didn’t move him. The familiar scent of him, the feel of his skin under Brian’s hands lulled him back to sleep. Just as he was drifting off, Brian imagined he felt a hand stroking his hair.


III.
Justin pulled the covers up over Gus’s shoulders and gently kissed his forehead. He moved quietly out of the room, pausing in the doorway for one last look. Gus looked so much like Brian in that moment that it took his breath away. Gus smiled in his sleep, and Justin found it hard to believe this was the same child who had driven them crazy for the last four hours.

Overwhelmed by the excitement of the airplane ride with Brian and seeing Britin for the first time, Gus had alternated periods of hyperactivity with tears over being away from his mothers and sister. He’d go from anger to sadness to laughter in a matter of minutes, leaving all of them frustrated and confused. Finally, two hours after his bedtime, he’d fallen asleep on the floor while watching a movie with Brian.

Justin wasn’t surprised to find Brian exactly where he’d left him, still sprawled on the floor, although he’d apparently moved enough to find the remote since the TV was off. “I think he’s out for the night,” he said, nudging Brian’s leg with his foot.

“Thank fucking God.” Brian opened his eyes and reached his hand up.

“No way,” Justin smiled and shook his head. “Gus was heavy enough; I’m not carrying you to bed too.”

Brian rolled his eyes, “Just help me up, asshole.” But when Justin took his hand, Brian pulled him down to the floor.

“Now I’m really not helping you,” Justin said once he stopped laughing.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m never moving again,” Brian moaned and covered his face. “What the fuck were we thinking?”

“That Gus really wanted to spend some time with you in your cool house with the pool and the game room and the super fabulous bedroom decorated exactly the way he wanted it.”

“I should have known that if Melanie and I agreed on something, it was bound to be a disaster.”

“Stop,” Justin pulled Brian’s hands from his face and kissed his forehead just like he had Gus’s. “It’s just the first night. Everything will be better tomorrow.”

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin and turned him so Justin’s head was on his shoulder. “And if it isn’t?”

“Mel and Lindsay will be here in what, three days? We can manage until then.”

“Yes, because nothing improves a situation like a house full of lesbians and a toddler.”

“Brian, it will be fine. I promise,” Justin couldn’t help but laugh a little at Brian’s dramatics. “Come on, let’s go to bed. I think you’re going to need your rest.”

“Not yet.” Brian turned on his side so they were facing each other, his expression suddenly serious. “If I let you up, you won’t go back to New York, will you?”

“No.” Justin barely breathed the word. He traced the lines of Brian’s face with his fingers, caught up as he often was in Brian’s beauty. Brian was always beautiful, but when he opened himself like this and let Justin see what he was feeling, he was stunning. Justin cherished these moments because he knew how special they were. Brian turned slightly, and kissed Justin’s palm. “I’m here for two weeks, and I’m not giving up one minute of it.”

“Good,” Brian smiled before moving closer to kiss Justin. They kept their eyes open and kissed slowly, tongues barely brushing each other before they pulled back. They stayed on their sides, each resting their head on an outstretched arm, faces so close they were almost touching. Brian’s free hand toyed with Justin’s hair while Justin rested his in the small of Brian’s back. Sometimes they kissed, sometimes they just looked at each other. Neither mentioned moving for a long time.

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