Waltzing in A Winter Wonderland

Brian loathed most cold weather geared activities. He’d rather be hot, sweaty and sticky than wet, blue and frozen. But as a child, that was a different story. He far preferred playing soccer when it was cold outside. He loved building ice forts, snowmen and assassinating unsuspecting neighbors with snowballs. He’d stay outside for hours, even in a blizzard he’d go sledding down a sixty foot hill at the neighborhood park, only returning home when his entire body was completely numb from the cold.

When he was seven he began running with a crowd of neighborhood kids who were all at least three years older than him. They weren’t aware of his age because Brian was taller than most of them and he went to private Catholic school while the others went to public schools. One day, the self-appointed leader of the group dared everyone to climb a tall, frozen, snow-laden tree. With the exception of Brian, all the other kids refused the dare, receiving wedgies in return for their cowardice. The danger of the limbs breaking under his weight due to the frost and possibly sending him plummeting to the ground was made worse by the fact that the branches he’d have to use to climb up most of it were hanging over a deep frozen pond. He’d blamed the cold for his hands shaking, which may have been a part of it, but really it was the adrenaline rush he was getting as the boys cheered him on with every scramble up the tree. After he reached the top of the tree, he climbed back down and was surrounded by his friends who where hooting and praising him. That victorious moment sparked the competitive nature within him and his love for taking risks was born.

Brian had always thought that ice skating over a pond which could very well collapse out from under you was a pretty bad ass thing to do. So, he saved the money he made from shoveling driveways and bought a pair of ice skates from a hand me down store. As awkward as his tall lanky body often made him feel, he felt the total opposite when he skated. His skills were honed by critically watching the other kids and soon he glided across the ice so gracefully his friends were in awe of his abilities.

Brian hadn’t worn a pair of ice skates since he was thirteen and his father threw them away after catching Brian skating. He called Brian a fairy and told him that if he wanted to skate, he’d have to play hockey. The game had never appealed to Brian, not even when his friends had begged him to join him when they played it at the pond. The sport was even less appealing when he watched a game on TV and found out that half of the game was spent with the players throwing punches and subsequently sitting in a penalty box watching as their teammates made plays they couldn’t be a part of. Brian dealt with enough fighting at home and he wasn’t interested in doing it for sport only to be locked in a cage like an animal while he waited to play like an unruly child who was put in time out. No, hockey wasn’t for him, so he didn’t ever buy hockey skates and didn’t ever go on the ice again.

 

***
 

Justin excelled at a lot of things his father often labeled as ‘girly’ or as a waste of time. No matter how much Justin hated sports; his father would sign him up for baseball, basketball and soccer, year after year and pretend to ignore Jennifer encouraging Justin’s natural abilities. Justin came upon his favorite sport by complete accident. Daphne’s grandparents had a large fishing pond at the end of their property that became a nice thick ice rink in the winter. Daphne’s birthday was close to Christmas and her grandparents hosted her seventh birthday out at their house. They had a large pond at the back of the property and all the kids from their first grade class were invited to come ice skating. Justin was smaller than most seven year olds, but for once his stature helped him because he was able to balance much easier than the kids who were at least a head taller than him. He’d fumbled around the ice at first like the rest of the kids, but once he got his bearings he began gliding around the ice magnet kids. Daphne had been ice skating on her grandparent’s pond since she was three years old but even she couldn’t compete with the grace and skill Justin had appeared to develop in an hour.

When it was time to go inside for presents, cake and games, Justin was very reluctant to go. As soon as the games ended, he begged his mother to let him go back outside and skate. Jennifer had never known Justin to want to be outside for any stretch of time. He liked catching snowflakes on his tongue and liked the art of building the perfect snowman, but usually he came inside a long time before the kids he played with wanted to. Unfortunately, it was already getting dark and the party was coming to a close so Justin wasn’t allowed to go back out to the pond. However, many of the mothers who had watched Justin skate had suggested that Jennifer get Justin into lessons because he was so good. Knowing that her son didn’t care much for sports she was hesitant to consider it, but seeing how sad Justin looked because he hadn’t gotten the chance to skate again, as they drove home she asked him if taking lessons might be something he wanted to do.

Justin enthusiastically said that he did want to take lessons and the next week Jennifer signed him up for some beginner class. After the first four lessons, the teacher moved Justin up to the next level. He loved the feeling of dancing on the ice and when they held the Christmas exhibition that year, he was the featured young performer for the skating club, chosen over the children who had been skating for much longer than himself. For the next couple of years, Justin took lessons during the winter, honing his skills and enjoying the thrill he got every time he landed a new trick. On the ice, all the confusing thoughts Justin had about boys and all the bullying he experienced at school melted away and he felt in control and at peace.

When he was twelve, his father came to see him skate for the first time. Justin had long since given up on his father showing interest in something he’d heard him declare many times wasn’t actually a sport. He was surprised to him in the stands watching him but it didn’t make really make a difference to him because he knew that if his father knew anything about ice skating, he’d start to hassle him and encourage him to do better, to be perfect, and when he was on the ice, he left his father’s expectations behind him. After practice, Justin found his father talking to his teacher and immediately Craig began to grill Justin about signing up for the competitive skating group. He held up a newspaper article about a skater, pictured with his parents, who was going to the Olympics who had attended the same skating club and Craig wanted Justin to make him proud the same way the skater had made his parents proud. Justin refused and Craig’s reaction got worse when his teacher, thinking that Justin only lacked the confidence to advance in the sport, told Justin that he was a better skater than most of his peers in the competitive group. Justin refused again and tried to make his teacher and Craig understand that he didn’t want to be a figure skater; he wanted to be an artist and refused to budge even when Craig threatened to stop paying for his lessons.

After a month of hearing his mother and father bicker over his decision, or what his father called ‘his stupidity’, Justin decided he didn’t like ice skating any longer. He occasionally went with Daphne at her grandparent’s house, but it never felt the same to him again.

 

***
 

The tennis courts had been in worse shape than Brian thought when he bought Britin, so during the two years of on and off remodeling the house and its grounds, the court had been torn up. They planned to put in an outdoor pool in its place but the economy went south and that became an expense that was a bit frivolous because they had an indoor pool already. Five years later, they were happy with the one pool, money was nowhere near as tight as it had been; Justin was successfully selling his art at galleries around the world and making an obscene amount of money that even trumped the exceptional profits Brian made from Kinnetik and Babylon.

Occasionally they talked about what to do with the empty piece of land but it was usually just an offhanded comment or suggestion that never took fruition.

Gus and Lindsay came to visit for Thanksgiving, something Gus was not happy about it. Usually he loved visiting his dads but he’d recently begun playing Canada’s favorite pastime and was angry that he’d be missing two hockey practices while they were in Pittsburgh. Lindsay had been reluctant to allow Gus to play because of all the possibilities of injuries and the general distaste all of his parents shared for the sport. However, she allowed Gus to play in a church league that didn’t allow any harsh contact and Gus had learned to skate and developed into a wonderful right wing with a great shot. This year Gus was too old for the church league so he was allowed to join city league for his age group. Gus was mad that he hadn’t been able to play ‘real hockey’ any sooner because he felt like was the last string on his team when he used to be the captain. He was a hockey fan so he knew all the real rules but playing with them was a different matter and he was far behind the rest of the kids. He took his practices seriously and spent every free moment he could going to the ice rink and practicing.

Gus was in a bad mood and refused to spend much time with Brian or Justin, sulking in his room whenever they were home. The morning they were leaving to go back to Toronto, they woke up to a light dusting of snow on the ground. It had been a mild winter so far, but the weather channel indicated that was over with and they would soon be dropping into normal below freezing temperatures.

Justin was enjoying a cup of coffee as he stared out the kitchen windows and felt inspired by the beautiful scene until his eyes rested on the empty stretch of land that looked out of place between the lines of trees on each side. “We’ve really got to do something with tennis courts in the spring. It throws off the backyard’s proportions,” he told Brian.

“You’re the only thing I like that’s out of proportion,” Brian teased, coming up behind Justin and grabbing his cock.

Justin leaned his head back on Brian’s shoulder and looked up at him quizzically. “As I’m sure you meant that as a compliment, because my cock is huge compared to my height and stature, there are better ways of appreciating my dick,” he teased.

Brian began rubbing Justin’s crotch with one hand and took his coffee cup with the other and placed it on the counter. “Is this what you want?”

Justin shook his head no because what he really wanted was Brian’s mouth on him.

“Really?” Brian huffed out a laugh. “Your cock is certainly enjoying it,” he said, squeezing the growing erection through the soft material of Justin’s sweat pants.

“I said I didn’t want to!” Gus’ yelling and the sound of him stomping down the staircase made Justin and Brian break away.

Justin picked up his coffee cup and hid his lower half behind the island counter.

“He’s becoming a true drama queen,” Brian muttered. “I wonder what they’re arguing about now.”

At the sound of heavy footsteps in the hall leading into the kitchen, Justin replied, “I think we’re about to find out.”

Gus entered the kitchen a moment later, his face angry red. He pointed a finger at Brian and yelled, “Do you know how many practices I’m going to miss if I come here to stay for winter break? Tell Mom you don’t care if I stay with Ma instead.”

Justin watched as Brian’s peaceful expression became pained before he quickly masked it with indifference. His erection deflated remarkably quickly as he fought the urge to say something to protect his husband. There were two people on the earth who could cause Brian to look so devastated in a single moment and they were both in the same room with him. Justin understood that Gus had no idea how his little statement made Brian feel, how much it would hurt him because Brian would never forget it. Lindsay and Melanie had broken things off two years ago and Gus’ response to the dissolution seemed to get worse as time went on.

“I’m not going to lie to your Mother,” Brian said.

It wasn’t, ‘I do care if you’re here’, but Justin knew it was as close as Brian could allow himself to say, so he said it for him, “We want you here, Gus, and we’re sorry that you’re going to miss some practices but...”

“This is stupid!” Gus interrupted. “I’m not going to be ready for the season if I miss anymore. I should just quit.”

Brian knew how much Gus loved hockey; he didn’t want to be the reason that his son quit something he enjoyed so much. “No, you won’t. Look, if you really don’t want to be here and your mom says it’s okay, you can stay with Mel.”

“Except she doesn’t celebrate Christmas,” Justin tried.

Gus shrugged. “I don’t care. It’s not a big deal.” His eyes locked on Brian’s and his expression became worried. “Is it really okay, Dad?”

Brian pushed out the word, “Yes.”

Gus ran toward Brian and gave him a crushing hug. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You’re the best dad in the world!” He released Brian and jumped up and down a few times. “I’m gonna go tell Mom,” he said and ran out of the room.

“Don’t say anything,” Brian warned, turning away from Justin and going over to the coffeemaker.

Justin’s heart was in his throat and he really didn’t know what to say to Brian so he didn’t speak at all. Brian Kinney truly was the most selfless man he’d ever known.

“You know,” Brian said, his gaze fixed out the backyard windows, “we could build a greenhouse out there.”

Justin had taken to gardening and with Brian’s propensity for eating healthy and him slowly getting accustomed to cooking organic foods; he often used fresh vegetables and herbs in their meals. He’d love to have a greenhouse built. Then he could grow all the plants he wanted throughout the year and… “That’s a good idea,” he admitted. “We’ll talk about it in the spring.”

But Brian didn’t want to wait to talk about it. To combat dealing with the intense emotions he was feeling, he began talking about plans for the greenhouse and quizzing Justin on all the things he’d want to grow in there.

Though Justin gave responses, his mind was preoccupied, and the possibilities for the empty space began to grow.

 

***
 

It was Christmas Eve and Brian had been travelling for business for the last week. He hadn’t wanted to leave Justin alone so close to the holidays but he’d had various clients who needed to have their hands personally held by him as they prepared for the New Year ads. He was tired from the long flight from L.A. to Pittsburgh and without any means of relief besides phone sex with Justin accompanied by his own hand; he was looking forward to fucking Justin as soon as he stepped inside the house. At this time of year, the airport was much too hectic to fuck in the bathrooms and though Justin had offered to pull over on the side of the road to suck him off, it was snowing and Brian was worried if they did that the snow would build up and they might not make it back onto the road.

Justin carried Brian’s luggage while Brian followed closely, one hand carrying his briefcase and the other fondling Justin’s jean-clad ass. “I’m going to fuck you so hard,” he told him the moment they stepped inside.

Justin pushed his grabby hands away and told him, “Later, I have a surprise for you first.”

Brian let out a long groan but it was Christmas Eve and he knew how much Justin reveled in gift giving and he had a hard time waiting to give Brian what he bought him and it became tradition that he gave Brian one on Christmas Eve. Brian grumbled as he began to take off his winter wear but Justin stopped him.

“Leave your stuff on, your surprise is outside,” Justin said.

For the life of him, Brian couldn’t imagine what Justin could have bought him that was outside. Unless… “You didn’t buy me another horse, did you?”

Justin’s face lit up and he cracked a laugh. “No. I didn’t.” He frowned. “Did you want another horse? I thought we decided to keep Stanley.”

“I have,” Brian said and felt relief. The horse trainer and stable caretaker had been trying to persuade Brian for months to buy another horse for himself because Stanley was very ornery with anyone who wasn’t Brian or Justin. They got paid handsomely though so Brian wasn’t too worried about who the stallion liked as long as he liked his owners. “If Gus was here more I might consider getting him one too, though.”

“Maybe he will be here more often,” Justin said. “Cover your eyes, okay?”

“I’ll crack my head open trying to go down the steps!”

“You won’t,” Justin assured. He’d already thought of that. “The gardener came by and shoveled a walkway down the porch and steps.”

“Fine,” Brian accepted and closed his eyes.

Justin opened the back door and took Brian’s hand. He led him onto the porch and directed him down the steps and then led him toward his surprise.

There wasn’t much wind, but the snowflakes falling on his face were annoying Brian and he was having a hard time imagining enjoying anything that was located outside.

“Almost there,” Justin said.

Brian felt like they’d walked a mile, when finally Justin stopped them both and the crunching noise their feet made in the snow came to an end. Brian’s ears picked up on a faint swishing noise that sounded familiar to him but he couldn’t place why that was. The sound became closer and closer and then abruptly stopped.

“Okay,” Justin said, “open your eyes.”

The first thing Brian saw before him was his son’s smiling face and then as his vision expanded he realized just what had brought his son to Britin. He stared down at Justin and exclaimed, “You built a fucking ice rink in our backyard!”

Gus giggled nervously.

“Yup,” Justin said and shrugged his shoulders. “There’s a company who does this sort of thing. It only took them two days. Don’t worry, it’ll come down in the spring and we’ll have it relandscaped or…”

“You built a fucking ice rink in our backyard!” Brian said once again and stepped away from Justin and eyed the large rink. “This is insane.” He turned and pointed to Justin. “You’re insane!”

“He did it for me,” Gus defended, stepping off the ice. He wrapped his arms around Brian and hugged him. “But it isn’t why I came home.”

Brian snorted in disbelief and forced Gus to sit down on the wooden bench beside the rink as he tried to take in the shock. His mind cued into what Gus had said to him. “Home?”

Gus nodded and smiled. “This is the only stable home I’ve ever had. I’m really sorry, Dad; it was shitty of me to complain so much. I called Justin a few days after we went back to Toronto and told him I’d decided to come home for Christmas. He let me in on his plans for the ice rink so we decided to surprise you.”

“I’m glad you came home but this…” Brian gestured to the massive ice rink. “I’m not too sure how I feel about this.”

Gus reached under the bench and produced two sets of skates. He handed the black ones to Brian and gave the red ones to Justin. “Put them on,” he encouraged. “Come see how amazing the ice feels under you.”

“How do you even know I can skate?” Brian asked both Justin and Gus.

Justin sat beside Gus on the bench and began to change into the skates as he explained, “I saw a picture of you on a pond in that stack of pictures Claire gave you last year.”

“I haven’t been on the ice since I was twelve,” Brian said, but he sat down and began to take off his boots anyway.

“I don’t think you can forget how to ice skate,” Gus said.

“I swear to God,” Brian warned, “if I break my fucking arm or leg or anything, you two are going to be waiting on me hand and foot.” He asked Justin, “You never told me you could skate.”

“Just wait to see what he can do!” Gus said.

Justin blushed but his face was already red from the cold so you couldn’t tell. “I’m all right.”

“Bullshit! You’re like a real figure skater!” Gus hopped off the bench and took to the ice. “Hurry up so you can show him.”

“If Gus is complimenting your skating you really must be good,” Brian said. He hoped that maybe he had retained at least enough skill to not fall on his ass.

“I can do a few a spins and bunny hops, but I’m no Johnny Weir,” Justin told him walking over to the rink.

Justin waited for Brian at the edge of the ice and gave him a hand as he stepped up onto it. Brian gripped his biceps tightly as his legs wobbled back and forth. “I got you.”

“You’d better.”

Justin began to skate backwards and Brian held on with a death grip as he got his ‘ice legs’ and grew accustomed to keeping his balance.

“You’re doing well,” Justin praised.

Feeling confident after a full trip around the rink, Brian released Justin’s hands and glided away from him, his movements looking as if they required no effort whatsoever.

The lights around the rink turned on and Justin watched slack-jawed at Brian skating in circles around him, his blades glittering in the light. “So we’ve finally found something we’re both good at,” Justin said, following behind Brian, his blades entwining with the marks Brian’s left, creating beautiful spindly designs on the ice.

“I think there are a few other things we both excel at,” Brian said and turned to face Justin. He grabbed Justin’s hands and slid their bodies together, skating slowly backward as he leaned down to kiss his warm mouth. “Show me what you got,” he said, stepping away and backing up to the edge where Gus had been standing and watching them.

“So you don’t mind the rink?” Gus asked.

Justin leapt into a small spin, his hair whipping around his head, his lips drawn into a peaceful smile as he spun around and around. “I think I can learn to love it,” Brian said.

“Like with Justin?” Gus asked boldly.

Brian grabbed his son in a one-armed hug. “You’re too smart for your own good.”

“Sometimes I think about you two and all the stories I heard about how you used to be. It’s hard to believe you were ever the guy I’ve heard Uncle Mikey and Uncle Em talk about.”

“I’m still that man in a lot of ways,” Brian said, not wanting Gus to be disillusioned.

“I know. I just don’t understand why you and Justin could stay together when you guys have had a lot more shit thrown at you than Ma and Mom ever have. I’ve been so mad every time I come here because seeing you and Justin makes me wish…”

“What?” Brian asked, his attention now only partially focused on Justin’s beautiful skating.

“I wish I lived here.”

“Gus…”

“I know. I know you don’t want me here because you guys like not having a kid around all the time. I get it. But I wasn’t joking before. I don’t remember you living at the loft and I barely remember all the different places I moved around with Mom and Ma here and in Toronto. We were never in one place long enough for me to think of it as home, but Britin is. I talked to Ma about it and she said that if you’re cool with it, I can stay for all winter break. I think it’d be good for me to not be around them and their fighting for a while.”

“You can come here whenever you want,” Brian told him. He took a deep breath and swallowed thickly before looking down into Gus’ hazel gaze. “And you can stay however long you want to.”

Gus grinned widely. “Are you serious?”

“I wouldn’t say that if…”

“Then I can move here?” Gus interrupted.

“Huh?”

“What’s going on?” Justin asked, coming to a sliding stop in front of them.

“Dad said I could move here.”

“Gus,” Brian choked out and looked at Justin for help.

“You want to live here?” Justin asked in shock.

“I have, for a long time. Ma and Mom both know but they said you two probably wouldn’t ever go for it.”

“But what about your friends and hockey and…”

Gus interrupted his father, “I have a laptop and Skype and I’ll still have to visit the moms so I can see my friends then. I’m going to go call them all now!”

“Gus, maybe we should talk to your moms first,” Justin suggested.

“It’s okay,” Gus assured. “They won’t care.”

“You’re their kid,” Brian protested, “of course they’ll care. You’re twelve, not eighteen!”

Gus stopped skating and gave Brian a worried look. “So you don’t want me to move here?”

“Of course I want you here if you want to be. But your mothers aren’t going to let you.”

“Yes, they are,” Gus insisted. “I asked Mom again before I came. She told me you’d probably say no but she said if you said yes, than I could move back here and live with my dads.”

“And what about Mel?” Brian asked.

“She’s the one who convinced Mom when I first asked about it after they divorced. She said that it’d be good for me, at least until they settled down. But then Justin got that commission in South America and you were planning to practically live down there with him so I didn’t ever ask. I wasn’t sure if I could even work up the courage to ask now but it really is the best time for all of us. Ma and Jenny are moving to Quebec next month and Mom spends all her time traveling now that she got that promotion at work.”

“We travel a lot too,” Justin interjected.

“Yeah, there’s like a dozen family members that I can stay with when you’re both gone,” Gus said.

Brian eyed Gus critically. “You really want to live here with me and Justin?”

“Yes,” Gus said firmly. “So can I?”

Justin held Brian’s hand and squeezed it, causing him to look down at him. They talked with silent expressions and then looked at Gus. “Yes,” they spoke in unison.

“Awesome!” Gus jumped and laughed as he scrambled to keep his footing. He wrapped his arms around both Brian and Justin. “You’re the best dads ever!”

“There will be rules,” Brian said as Gus skated away from them.

“Duh, I’m a kid,” Gus said, rolling his eyes and skating backward toward the edge of the ice. “I’m going to call everyone!”

“All right,” Brian said softly.

“Best Christmas present ever!” Gus yelled at the top of lungs as he made his way back toward the house.

Brian waited until Gus was well out of earshot before he asked Justin, “You’re totally sure you’re ready for this? You think we can make him happy?”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for this,” Justin admitted, “but we’ll try our best and honestly I think no matter what he’ll be happy. I’m sure about that.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he wants to be here as much as we’ve always wanted him here,” Justin said. He took Brian’s hands and led him out into the center of the ice. “Dance with me.”

“Dance?”

“You’re more graceful on ice than on a hardwood floor,” Justin teased.

Brian put his arm around Justin’s waist and pushed off, whipping them both around into a figure eight before spinning their bodies into a tiny circle that got smaller and smaller until their bodies pressed tightly together, their feet barely moving as they danced on the ice. “You built this to entice Gus into coming here for Christmas.”

“That was my intention,” Justin said. “I wanted to give him a place to practice.”

“And you wanted to give me the best Christmas present I could never ask for too?” Brian whispered as he leaned his cheek against Justin’s.

Justin tilted his face and spoke against Brian’s lips, “Was it really the best?”

Brian chuckled. “Do you really have to ask?”

Justin smiled.

“That smile’s a damn good present too,” Brian said and pressed a warm kiss to Justin’s lips.

“You’re being cheesy.”

Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and held his arm above his head while encouraging him to spin as he glided down the length of the rink. As they got to the end, he caught him in his arms and told him, “And here I thought dancing on ice was being romantic.”

“It is,” Justin assured and wrapped his arms tight around Brian’s waist. “But you know what would be even more romantic?”

“I am not making love to you on the ice.”

Justin pushed Brian away and started giggling. “Did you just say ‘making love’?” he teased, dancing circles around Brian.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“I was going to say that it’d be even more romantic if we have music.”

Brian held up one of his fingers and grinned as his other hand dug into the inside pocket of his coat. He withdrew his iPhone, took off his gloves and began scanning the playlist. When he found the song he was looking for he hit play and the beginning strains of ‘Baby it’s Cold Outside’ began to play.

“Oh my god!” Justin gasped. “You actually have Christmas music in your playlist?”

“Not just any Christmas music,” Brian said. He put the phone in his front pocket so the song could still be heard and placed the gloves back on his hands. He gave Justin a sly look, pulled him close and maneuvered them both into a waltzing position. “I planned on turning this song on tonight while I fucked you in front of the Christmas tree and fireplace, but this’ll have to do.”

Justin allowed Brian to lead them into the waltz, their steps were occasionally out of sync and once Justin almost fell on his ass, the snowflakes were fat and caused temporary blindness and they had runny noses, but none of that mattered. As far as Justin was concerned, they were making love with their clothes on.

They were both transported back to their childhood and the freedom and peace they encountered on the ice then, was now woven into the art they shared on the ice together. It was Christmas Eve and they suddenly felt like they were the only two people in the world, waltzing in a winter wonderland.

The End
 

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