Roadside Attraction

Chapter One: "Have Stranger Things Happened?"

 

“Fuck the cold. Fuck the snow and fuck fucking Christmas,” Brian snarled, reaching toward the center counsel. He shut off the radio because every single station seemed to be playing Christmas carols. He then grumbled, turned the heat up all the way and hit the button for the defroster.

The bitter man was on his way back from a meeting in what he thought of as a backwater town out in the countryside of West Virginia. His client had insisted he go to his home for dinner and Brian couldn’t say no. After all, it was a multi-million dollar account and he couldn’t pass up the exposure it would get for his new company, let alone the extra cash for himself, so he went.

Jackson Ross had tried to get him to go to their house for Christmas Eve dinner. Brian had done some maneuvering to get the man to agree to have dinner two nights before it. He was leaving for Ibiza at two p.m. on the 23rd; there was no way he‘d sacrifice his vacation for dinner with the Ross family. Brian was going to be relaxing and having fun in the sun. After the last year he had, he needed to relax. He might even get laid. Whatever happened he would be warm and there wouldn’t be a Christmas light in sight.

All of Brian’s friends were busy for the holidays, paired off with their special someone. Lindsay and Melanie were expecting their third child, which seemed to be all anyone could talk about now. The women had asked him to give his sperm to create this baby. Michael had been the father of the first two girls that Melanie had carried but this time Lindsay wanted to be pregnant and had asked Brian to father their child. However, Brian couldn’t do it. He told them ‘no’ and gave an excuse about not wanting to be a father….but that isn’t what it was really about.

Brian longed to be a father. He wanted to have a family and have the people who loved him unconditionally surround him. Brian wanted this not only to prove that his parent’s didn’t fuck him up as much as they’d tried, but also to have what he felt he was missing. He knew what was missing. And it wasn’t just a testicle.

His friends never knew that he had a testicle removed. They never knew that he underwent radiation treatments and lost all of his pubic hair. He couldn’t bear saying yes, and then trying and finding out he was sterile. He couldn’t allow anyone to know. They didn’t even notice that he hadn’t tricked in a little over a year since having it removed.

They were far too busy with their own happy lives to know of his loss. Except Ted. Ted had noticed and had become a good friend to Brian. Nevertheless, Brian wasn’t comfortable enough with discussing his wants and dreams with the man. He wasn’t comfortable with accepting them himself.

Michael fathered the child Lindsay now carried; they went on with their lives and grew distant from Brian. There wasn’t going to be a big holiday feast at Deb’s on Christmas Eve this year, that wasn’t happening until Christmas Day.

Too caught up in discussing what it was they wanted, bought, or where they would be going for Christmas Eve, no one batted an eye when last week during Sunday dinner Brian informed them that he made other plans for Christmas. He realized that night that he hated this year’s Christmas more than he ever had before.

Brian was polite and acted interested in all the stories his client and his client’s family told him about their Christmas traditions. He smiled and nodded his head in all the right places. He drank eggnog and gobbled down turkey and the fixings. Overall, it wasn’t a bad meal and the family was very nice, but their love and spirit made Brian long for something he knew he couldn’t have. His hatred for Christmas grew and grew.

The snow had been falling heavily, adding to the four inches that had already accumulated that day. Mr. Ross had tried to get him to stay the night, but Brian told him that he had to meet another client early the next day. He’d been driving for about an hour now. The road was slippery and there was very little visibility. The flakes of snow seemed to be accumulating much faster on his windshield. All the signs for the exits were nearly unreadable and Brian wasn’t sure if he was lost.

A few minutes later, he had convinced himself that turning around and going back to the Ross’ house, the way he came, would be his best bet. Not made for trekking through snow, the convertible’s top speed was only about 10 miles an hour. Any faster and Brian was sure he’d run off the side of the road.

Brian slowed down and got ready to cross at a median in the road, but as he pulled up, he saw that there was a Jeep parked in the space already. Too covered in snow the emergency lights barely flashed on the back of it. He inched forward and pulled up behind it, hoping that if there was someone inside, they weren’t frozen to death already.
 

*****
 

Justin cursed the Jeep as it putted to a stop in the median. He then cursed himself for not paying his cell phone bill. It wasn’t that he couldn’t afford it. He could afford to pay for a thousand cell phones, but it had been the last thing on his mind today.

He tried persistently to get the car to start, but now after almost an hour of sitting and trying the damn thing repeatedly he gave up. Justin hoped there would be some emergency vehicle out that would stop to help him soon. It wasn’t as if he knew anything about cars, and he certainly couldn’t go out in the snowstorm and attempt to see what was wrong with the engine.

Justin tried to calm down and assess the situation. First thing he needed to do was get warm. The heat wasn’t working and he was sure that the interior of the car was probably almost as cold as it was outside. He leaned into the back seat and retrieved one of the garbage bags full of clothes. He’d been meaning to drop them at the Salvation Army one of the millions of times he’d gone into town. They’d been sitting in the Jeep’s back seat for at least six months. For whatever reason he never remembered to drop them off, or that’s what he told himself. Either way, he was glad they were in there now.

Justin rooted around in the back and took out a large orange parka, a pair of thick gloves and a knitted scarf. He tied the bag back up and put it in the back seat. He reclined the driver’s seat a bit and tried to find a comfortable position. He unzipped the heavy coat and found warmth in it immediately. It covered from his toes all the way to his neck and he then put the scarf and gloves on.

Lying back in the seat, Justin tried to be grateful that the clothing smelled musty from sitting in the plastic bags in his car. He forced his thoughts away from anything that would probably make him feel colder, and positioned the rearview mirror in his line of sight. He was surprisingly warm and calm given the position he was in. He only hoped he didn’t have to pee any time soon.
 

*****
 

Brian pulled his leather jacket around him as he stepped out of his car. The wind and snowflakes bit at his exposed face like frozen needles. His eyes squinted and he trudged, in his brand new Prada boots mind you, up to the door of the Jeep. Before he could raise his hand to knock on the snow-covered window, the door started to open.

Justin was so glad to have seen someone, anyone, pull up and find him. But when he stepped out into the cold he hadn’t expected to see a gorgeous man eyeing him warily.

“Your car break down?” Brian asked needlessly.

Justin smiled through the cold and nodded his head. He’d put on and zipped up the large coat over his thinner one before getting out of the car. He was sure he looked like an orange snowman. “I have no idea what’s wrong with it,” Justin said, raising his voice above the wind.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride.” Brian yelled back at the man. He couldn’t make out anything through all the clothing he was wearing but a pair of blue eyes and soft pink lips that smiled brightly at him.

“Thank you,” Justin said, moving cautiously beside the gorgeous man. He clutched the man’s elbow. “I’m unsteady on my feet in this snow,” he said. “Do you mind?”

Brian rolled his eyes, thinking the man was hitting on him. “Not at all.”

In silence, they carefully walked toward Brian’s self-bought Christmas present. The Spyder was a 2008 model but he’d been able to buy it early before any others hit the floors for the public, due to the fact that he’d designed the advertising campaign for it. Now covered in snow and slush from the road it didn’t look so nice.

Once inside the car, Justin took off his black ski cap and unwound the scarf from his neck. The stranger’s car was very warm. He looked over and saw the man was staring at him. “Yes?” Justin asked.

Brian was mesmerized by how beautiful the man, no the boy, actually was underneath the hat and scarf. A mess of blond hair fell out and he could see the pale skin of his neck. He was hot! He blinked a few times, and when he heard the boy ask him a question and it took a second for it to register. “Where to?” he asked.

“My house,” Justin answered. For a short moment, the stranger’s beauty stunned him. His hair was in shambles and fell down against his tan face. He had a strong nose and chin and his eyes, his eyes…

“Which would be?” Brian smirked at the obviously flustered blond.

“Oh!” Justin was sure his cheeks were already red or he was sure the man would notice him blushing. “Pull back out onto the W-9 and I’ll give you directions from there. It’s not too far off but it’s sort of in the middle of nowhere at the same time.”

“Shit!” Brian said. “This is the W-9?” he asked, backing up onto the deserted snow-covered highway.

“Yes. Why?” Justin hoped that the man wasn’t going too far out of his way. Then again, the storm was coming down so hard he might have to convince the man to wait it out at his house for a little while.

“I’m supposed to be on the P-324.” Brian shook his head. “Just tell me when to turn, because apparently in this snowstorm I have no sense of direction,” he grumbled.

Justin was feeling rather embarrassed and quite the burden. “You don’t have to take me home. I can…”

“It’s okay.” Brian interrupted. “I’m sure you have enough padding on to survive a few days in your car, well…”

Justin laughed. The man certainly had a dry sense of humor. Either that or he hadn’t actually realized what all the extra padding really was. “I’m Justin,” he said, twisting himself a little to look at the driver. “Justin Kni- uh Taylor. Justin Taylor.” He was embarrassed at his slip-up.

Brian eyed Justin and could see the flash of pain in the blues. “Nice to meet you, Justin Taylor. I’m Brian Kinney, your friendly Good Samaritan.” He teased, trying to lighten up the blue eyes once again.

It worked. Justin laughed. “Something tells me you’re not always a good Samaritan.” He giggled. “Not that I’m ungrateful you decided to help me. I am, believe me,” he added for good measure.

Brian smiled. “What makes you think I’m not just in the Christmas spirit, huh?”

Justin buried his face in his gloved hands and groaned. “You are?”

Brian knew what he had against Christmastime, but he couldn’t imagine what someone so young and beautiful would have against it. “Isn’t everyone?” he asked.

Justin was glad he saw the exit for his road coming up. He really didn’t want to talk about Christmas anymore, even if it was its ‘spirit’ that supposedly made the man stop to help him. “There’s our turn,” he said, pointing.

Brian slowly glided the car around the exit path. He could feel the sudden tension that had come between him and Justin since the talk of Christmas spirit. He decided he wouldn’t mention it again. The only words spoken for the next fifteen minutes were Justin’s directions to his home.

“Who lives here?” Brian asked when he pulled up and parked in front of the house.

“We do,” Justin said softly looking up at the huge, dark and lonely house.

“So how do I get back to the Pennsylvania highway?” Brian asked as he watched Justin put back on the hat and scarf.

“It’s only a few minutes’ drive but it is sort of tricky. Why don’t you come inside and I’ll draw you a map real quick?” Justin suggested.

Brian thought about saying no, but he also didn’t want to take a chance on getting lost again. “Sure.”

Justin smiled at him and then turned for the door. Brian watched as the boy got out of the car rather awkwardly. “I’ll make you some hot cocoa too,” Justin told him.

Brian got out of the car and once again helped Justin navigate the snowy walkway. He watched as Justin opened the door to the big house and stepped inside. “Brr…” he heard Justin say as he followed him through the dark hallway and into a large room to their right.

Justin hit a few switches on the walls and illuminated the large living room. “You don’t by any chance want to light the fireplace, do you? I’m not really able to do that.”

Brian smiled and looked over at the grand fireplace and the logs. “Sure, I can do that,” he said.

“Here, I’ll hang up your coat on the rack to dry with mine and I’ll go start the cocoa if you want to start the fire.” Justin moved and held out his hands and took Brian’s coat.

Brian took the coat off and placed it into Justin’s still-gloved hands. He noticed that once again the boy was staring at him. He didn’t think twice about it though; it was obvious Justin had some kind of sugar daddy to be living in a place like this.

Justin took Brian’s coat and went to hang it up in the hall. He took off all of his layers too and then went to the kitchen. ‘I will not stare at Brian Kinney. Why am I staring at Brian Kinney?’ he thought to himself.

Brian quickly built a fire and relaxed in front of it for a few minutes before Justin came back into the room. “Would you like to have your cocoa over here?” he heard Justin ask.

Justin was carefully setting the tray with the two mugs down onto the tan leather coffee table in front of the dark brown leather couch. “It’s not really all that comfortable for me to sit over there,” Justin said, taking his mug and sitting down on the sofa.

Brian looked at Justin and was at a complete loss for words. This he had not expected. At all. “Yeah, sure,” he answered, finding his voice and getting up to join Justin on the couch.

Justin sipped the cocoa and moaned a little at the rich taste. “I’ve been craving chocolate since before I went to my appointment today.” He sipped again, another moan escaping his lips. “Damn, this is good.”
 

XXXXX
 

Chapter Two: "Baby It's Cold Outside"

 

Brian felt like a total ass. How in the hell could I not have noticed? he asked himself.

"So try it," Justin prompted in reference to Brian's untouched cocoa mug.

“It's very good,” he said after taking a heavy gulp.

Justin smiled and brought one of his legs up onto the sofa. “It’s Frango chocolate. I get it shipped from Chicago. It’s like my most favorite thing in the world," he said dramatically.

Brian smiled at the boy’s enthusiasm. "So you liking hot cocoa... it doesn’t have anything to do with it being a cliché part of Christmastime?”

Justin shook his head. "Hell no. I make this stuff in the summer.”

Brian laughed. "I like peppermints.”

“Peppermints?" Justin asked, wrinkling his blond brows in confusion.

“You know, the red and white little candies.”

“Hey, I know what a peppermint is.”

“Right. Well, I love peppermints. They're my favorite candy. My grandmother always had them in her candy jars. Every time I went over to her house when I was little she would give them to me. I eat them all year round and people think I’m crazy because, well, I guess they think you can’t eat them anytime but Christmas or something,” Brian explained. “I’m not sure why I just told you that,” Brian said nervously; he could actually feel himself blushing.

“If you love peppermint than you’ll love the peppermint cocoa I have. If you finish your cup, I’ll make you some of that,” Justin said.

Brian smiled back and then took a couple of large drinks. “Um... Okay. But, shouldn’t you be resting or something?”

Justin sipped the last of his drink before answering. “I feel fine actually. I got a check-up today and my doctor said we are just fine. We're in perfect health actually.” Justin moved his hand to his stomach and rubbed it proudly.

Brian couldn’t help but bask in Justin’s glowing pride. He looked at the hand and saw a gold ring shining on his ring finger. “Where is your husband?”

Justin’s hand stopped moving and his eyes clouded over with darkness. He looked at Brian and wanted so badly to share his pain with this man but didn’t want to burden him. He could feel his eyes start to tear up and closed them tightly to stop the tears from falling.

Brian moved closer to Justin, put his hand on the boy’s arm, and rubbed it soothingly. He hadn't meant to upset Justin with his overzealous question. “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’ll listen if you want.”

Brian was surprised at the words coming out of his mouth. More than surprised, but it had been so long since he'd been able to just sit and talk with someone. He actually enjoyed Justin's presence. That realization scared him, but it also made him want to spend more time with Justin.

Justin leaned into Brian’s body, feeling the larger man’s heat against his own body. It was so comforting, but so very confusing. He felt himself wanting more of Brian's touch; the feel of his soft hand rubbing soothingly on his arm made his heart flutter.

But Justin didn’t understand how he could even be thinking about Brian. He felt like he was the betrayer, especially because it hadn't been that long since Neil…. “He passed away.” Justin couldn’t believe he’d been able to get the word past his lips. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever actually said it before. Justin stared into Brian's shocked beautiful hazel eyes.

He hadn't had anyone to share his grief and pain. The days that he wanted to stay in bed, not eat or sleep; there had been no one there to comfort him. There was only himself and his baby. Focusing on the child within him was the only light in what seemed to be the never-ending darkness he'd been thrust into six months prior. Now he was sitting with someone, a stranger that...well...Brian didn't feel like a stranger at all. He felt like he was talking to a friend that could possibly become more.

However, Justin's fears of abandonment and betrayal were bubbling inside him too. He wasn't sure he could trust this man, hell, any man ever again. After all, Brian would be gone in a few minutes anyway and probably forget all about him, tossing any words that would spill from his lips to the wind.

“I’m sorry," Brian told him, at a loss for what else to say when he felt Justin start to shake under his caress.

Justin choked back his emotions, finally resigned himself to his fate and scooted away from Brian’s comfort. He mechanically grabbed their empty mugs, set them on the tray and quickly stood up. “I’m going to go make that cocoa.”

Brian watched Justin disappear from the room; his heart felt heavy and it hurt. He wasn’t exactly sure why. What is it that is drawing me to Justin? he wondered. Why do I feel the sudden need to make him happy? Why do I want to take away his pain and see him smile at me?

In the kitchen, Justin was having most of the same conversation in his head. In the six months since Neil had died he’d not had a meaningful or fun conversation with anyone besides his doctor. And even Dr. Rhine couldn’t make him feel as happy and carefree as Brian seemed to have done. He wanted to know Brian, be his friend and maybe…no. ‘There’s no way he would ever want me,’ he told himself. ‘And I should be damned to hell for thinking about another man so soon after losing Neil.’

Justin looked out his kitchen window as the milk heated up on the stove. He couldn’t believe how fast the snow had fallen! Justin quickly shut off the burner under the milk. He needed to show Brian this or he may not be able to leave tonight. He went as quickly as he could into the sitting room. “Brian you need to…” he stopped mid sentence when he saw that the man was apparently sleeping.

Justin stopped in front of Brian’s legs and gazed at him for a few minutes. He couldn’t help but feel his own dick twitch, recognizing his attraction to Brian. He took a deep breath, leaned toward the man, and whispered, “Brian. Brian, wake up.” Justin gently shook the man’s shoulder.

Brian felt someone shaking him. He moaned and grabbed onto the hands as his eyelids fluttered open. “What?” Then he suddenly felt a very heavy weight drop down onto his body. His confused hazel eyes opened and met surprised blue eyes.

Justin was startled as he fell forward into Brian’s warm lap. His stomach pressed up against Brian’s firm abs. He blinked rapidly at Brian. Once again, being this close to the man had his insides fluttering around nervously.

Both men’s hearts were racing along with their quickening breaths. Their nostrils flared as each smelled the delicious aroma of the other’s natural scents and their cologne. Pale skin quivered with excitement as tanned skin rubbed against it.

Brian and Justin both leaned in, their mouths puffed warm breath against one another’s lips as they got closer and closer. Their bodies pressed closer and tighter to one another, trapping their joined hands between their stomachs.

Brian felt a movement against his fingers and drew back away from Justin’s flushed face. “What was that?” Brian asked looking down between them as he felt it again.

Justin was mortified! He quickly let go of Brian’s fingers and stood up. “We…we… almost kissed,” Justin said in a horrified tone.

Brian winced at Justin’s voice. He didn’t think it would be that bad to kiss him! He quickly stood up and glared at Justin. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt so hurt to be so obviously rejected. “I meant that weird feeling by your belly,” he explained.

Justin shook his head at himself. ‘I’m such an idiot,’ he thought. “Brian, it was the baby,” he explained.

Brian’s eyes widened. “Oh, I thought…well your stomach was just growling or something. It felt really fucking weird.”

Justin couldn’t help but laugh; however, he stopped when he saw how embarrassed Brian seemed to be. "Brian,” he stepped closer, “haven’t you ever felt a baby move in a pregnant person‘s stomach before?”

Brian shook his head. "No... I...” he trailed off, having not much to say. Melanie and Lindsay always asked everyone else to feel their bellies when they were pregnant. He didn’t understand why they didn’t ask him, but it had never really bothered him so much until Justin asked him that question. “I’m going to pass on that cocoa,” Brian said, standing up. “I think I should get going.” Brian walked past Justin and started to walk into the hall.

Justin followed him quickly. He felt bad that he’d obviously said something that had really upset Brian. ‘Oh shit!’ he thought as he remembered what he’d gone to tell Brian about. “Brian, wait...”

Brian turned around, feeling extremely angry with Justin. Justin kept making him feel things, weird things, and he didn’t mean the baby moving. He was so confused and he didn’t like people that confused him. “Can you just get me my coat, please? And directions," he growled.

Justin flinched at the angry look and loud voice Brian directed at him. He quickly moved over to the closet in the hall and retrieved Brian’s leather coat. “Here,” he said, feeling rather stressed and emotional as he handed it over to him.

Brian saw the tears forming in Justin’s eyes and he felt bad. Once again, his heart hurt for Justin. This was even more confirmation as to why he needed to leave and get the hell out of the boy’s house. Immediately. He turned from the teary eyes and struggled with the locks on the door. "So, which way do I go?"

Justin went beside the fumbling man and unlocked the latches for Brian. He opened them and then grabbed the handle and swung open the door. Cold assaulted their warmth as he did so.

“Holy shit!” Brian and Justin said in unison.
 

XXXXX
 

Chapter Three: "A Little Conversation"

 

“Did West Virginia turn into the North Fucking Pole while we were inside?” Brian asked, looking out at the snow-covered land.

Justin couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I think it did.”

“Fuck! What am I going to do now? There’s no way I can drive anywhere. We can’t make it out of the doorway.” Brian shook his head in disbelief. “Shit, there is snow up to our waists, Justin!”

“We should close the door, “Justin said, stepping back just as a large gust of snow fell from where it had built up into the doorway and onto Brian.

“Shit!" Brian said again, stepping away and closing the door. He buried his face in his hands. “I left my cell phone in my car; there’s no way I can even make it out there now. Can I use your phone? I’ve got to at least call my...” Brian trailed off. Hell, there was no one to call. Everyone thought he was going out of town. No one would even care or know that he was stuck out in the middle of nowhere.

“I’m sorry; I don’t have a house phone. I was on my way back into town to pay my cell phone bill since it got turned off,” Justin told him.

“Of course,” Brian complained. “What am I going to do now?”

“You can stay here until it melts a little,” Justin told him. “I do have extra bedrooms and I’m sure you can fit into some of my sweats at least.”

Brian sighed, “Did you see the snow? It’s not going to melt for a while! I’ll be here until after Christmas.”

Justin blushed. “Oh, that’s right… I guess because I don’t have anybody I sort of forgot that you must want to spend Christmas with your family.”

“Actually,” Brian leaned down and brushed the snow off of his pants and took off his shoes, “I really don’t. I was going on vacation to Ibiza.”

“Well, this isn’t Ibiza but you can pretend you’re vacationing in the Alps or something,” Justin joked.

“I don’t really have any other choice now, do I?” Brian said a little harsher than he intended.

“Well you could go and clear the snow from your car and camp out there,” Justin answered angrily and started walking back toward the kitchen.

Brian quickly took off his coat, walked after him, and caught Justin’s arm. “That’s not a very nice thing to say to your rescuer, you know. That could have been you stuck out there.”

Justin sighed, “Oh, thanks. Remind me of the fact that my unborn child and I could have frozen to death, why don’t you!” he said as he went into the kitchen and turned back on the gas burner to start the cocoa again.

“I appreciate your offer to stay, Justin. Thank you,” Brian said coming up beside Justin.

“Well, you’re welcome to stay as long as you have to,” Justin said, feeling like he‘d just put the nail in his coffin. He didn’t know how he was just going to turn his attraction for Brian off, and be stuck with the man all alone for days. ‘Oh well,’ he thought, ‘it’s not like he’d ever reciprocate my feelings. Just look at me.’

“Do you need any help with that?” Brian asked.

“Well, actually I was going to make something to eat. I’m getting kind of hungry,” Justin said stirring in the cocoa.

“Oh, I have to warn you. I can make sandwiches but I’m a terrible cook. You don’t want me to poison you and the baby, do you?” Brian asked.

Justin smiled to himself; he liked that Brian acknowledged his baby too. “I actually have some Cajun turkey slices and Muenster cheese in the refrigerator if you want to prepare a couple of sandwiches?” Justin said.

Brian nodded and went over to the appliance and paused before opening it. He wondered yet again how Justin could afford to live in such a huge house. It was damn near a palace. He knew Justin said his husband had died, but the man had to have been rich or had a big life-insurance policy. However, the furnishings were somewhat sparse and it almost looked like Justin had just moved in. Brian saw that taped to the fridge’s door was a black and white picture of what had to be Justin’s ultrasound. He’d seen one on Lindsay and Mel’s fridge when they were pregnant too.

Justin walked over beside Brian. “That’s the one I got last month. We still couldn’t ell what the baby was though. He just won’t cooperate.”

Brian could see clearly the outlines of a baby curled up. “When is your baby supposed to come?” he found himself asking as he opened the fridge to search for the sandwich fixings.

Justin went over to the cabinet beside the fridge and started to pull down a couple of bags of chips. “January 2nd,” Justin answered excitedly.

Brian grabbed the deli meat and cheese and closed the fridge door. He turned and stared at Justin. The boy was still rummaging around in the cabinet and couldn’t see him looking at him; his sweater had risen and Brian could see some of his stomach poking out over his waistband.

“Can you get the sour cream and onion dip out too?” he asked Brian.

Brian looked away and grabbed the item out of the fridge. He glanced back over and saw that Justin had what looked to be every type and flavor of chips on the counter in front of him.

“Found them!” Justin exclaimed as he shut the cabinet door and shook the bag in his hands. “Baked Krunchers are my favorite!” he said happily.

Brian looked at the other array of snacks. “You like chips,” he observed.

Justin grabbed the other bags and started to put them back in the cabinet. “I had a craving when I was at the store last week and I couldn’t decide what to get,” he said.

“So you bought one of each kind?” Brian smiled.

“Well, yeah,” Justin said closing the door once again and taking his find over to the island. He took out a loaf of wheat bread from the bread box and put some slices onto some paper plates, ignoring the other man's laughter.

Brian put his items on the counter and began to help Justin. “What’s it like?” he asked before he could stop himself.

Justin looked at him for a minute. “Being pregnant?”

Brian gulped and nodded. “Yeah.”

"What? Are you thinking about getting pregnant sometime soon?" Justin joked.

"Christ, no!" Brian said blushing. "I couldn't anyway even if I wanted to."

Justin looked up at Brian who was at this point turning completely red. "Why not?"

"I had cancer and radiation," Brian told him.

"Oh, did they have to remove..."

"No," Brian interrupted him, "but I mean, the chances of me being able to..."

Justin watched as Brian turned away from him and put his head in his hands. How was it that he and Brian seemed to keep delving into one another’s deep-seated demons? He hadn't meant to make a joke out of Brian becoming a father. He figured he needed to change the subject quickly; he didn't want his guest feeling any more uncomfortable than he probably already was.

Justin had to remind himself that just because he didn't feel like Brian was a stranger; it didn't mean that Brian felt that way about him. After all, he had shut down earlier when Brian had tried to lend a friendly ear. "Brian," he said gently, "do you think you can take the plates in the living room while I get the rest of the cocoa made?”

Brian sighed; he knew Justin was letting him off the hook. He took a deep breath and turned around. “Yeah, sure.”

Brian was glad for the time he had alone while walking into the living room. It gave him a few minutes to get his emotions back together and to assess his current situation.

Justin was intriguing and witty and Brian felt himself growing attached to him. He was actually going to open up to him. A perfect stranger! A stranger whose house he’d be stuck in for an undetermined amount of time. Could the situation get any worse?

“Here’s the cocoa,” Justin said coming into the living room.

Brian looked over at Justin. “Thanks,” he told Justin, taking the steaming cup from him and then handing the man his sandwich and chips.

They both dug into their food. Brian realized he was more famished than he thought even though he’d eaten dinner at his client’s house. They ate most of the meal in silence, watching the flames flickering on the logs in the chimney and stealing glances at each other, unbeknownst to them both of course.

Brian was just about done with his chips when he saw Justin put his plate down on the coffee table and let out a small laugh. “What?” Brian asked.

Justin looked at Brian and blushed as he sat back further into the couch. “Nothing,” he said but laughed again and put his hand on his stomach.

“Is it the baby moving again?” Brian asked, setting his plate beside Justin’s and then moving closer to Justin with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, he or she always gets hyper whenever I drink cocoa. I know you’re not supposed to have a lot of caffeine when you’re pregnant but I’ve been craving chocolate I think since day one.”

“My friend Lindsay is always craving chocolate too,” Brian told him. “She’s always calling Mikey up in the middle of the night to run and get her some kind of candy bar or another.”

“Mikey is the father?” Justin asked.

“Yeah,” Brian answered with another far-away look.

“Are they a couple?”

Brian laughed. “They’re both gay.”

“Oh.”

“We’re all friends, and Michael donated his sperm to Lindsay and her partner Melanie. Lindsay is carrying their third child. She... she asked me to father her child but I said no.”

“But why, Brian? It seemed to me like you’ve obviously thought about being a father.”

“I have, but not with her. If I had a kid, I wouldn’t want to be a drop-in-dad like Mikey is. I’d want a real family. Besides, I didn’t even tell them about the cancer. Even if I had wanted to have a child with Lindsay, I wouldn’t have wanted to disappoint her if my sperm was no good and she couldn’t conceive.”

Justin sat looking at Brian in shock. “You didn’t tell your friends you had cancer.”

“Well, my friends are actually my family.”

“All the more reason,” Justin said.

“No, you don’t get it,” Brian told him a frown on his face. “They all would have overcrowded me and pitied me and it would have made everything so much worse. I used to be a real asshole, a player, and they probably would have thought I deserved it or something,” Brian said sarcastically.

“Jesus, Brian!” Justin said, at a loss for words.

“Ted, my friend and business partner, knows.”

“And you’re okay now?” Justin asked, putting his hand on top of Brian’s hand.

“I’ve been in remission for exactly a year. That’s why I was going to Ibiza to celebrate,” Brian told him as he moved his fingers to squeeze Justin’s hand.

“And now you’re stuck here with me,” Justin whispered, letting go of Brian’s hand and bringing it to his belly to feel his baby kick at him again.

Brian looked into Justin’s beautiful blue eyes and smiled softly as he cautiously put his hand on Justin’s stomach, feeling the bumping roll of what had to be a foot under his palm. “Yeah I guess I am,” he answered back softly.

Justin moved his hand over Brian’s, never losing eye contact as he daringly leaned forward and pressed his soft lips onto Brian’s mouth. “I’m glad you are,” he spoke against them, staring into the warm honey-colored eyes as he felt warmth spread through him.

“Me too,” Brian whispered back, moving his free hand up to Justin’s hair and burying his fingers in the soft blond strands.

Just as their lips were about to touch again a loud groan went through the house and they were suddenly left in darkness; only the light of the fireplace illuminated their shocked and disappointed expressions.

 

XXXXX

Chapter Four: "Illuminate"

"Brian, that mattress has to weigh a ton," Justin said, holding a lone candle that barely illuminated the large master suite.

"I got it," Brian grunted.

"I feel really stupid just standing here doing nothing," Justin said nervously.

"Well," grunt, "it's not like you can help."

"I already told you I could," Justin tried to reason as he moved back away from the door and into the hallway.

Brian was grateful for the handles on the side of the king mattress as he clumsily dragged it across the wood floor. It was true; the mattress did weigh a ton. But once Brian got it up and off the box springs it was a lot easier to maneuver. "I don't know much about being pregnant, Justin, but even a fool would know that you shouldn't be lifting anything this big." Brian paused for a moment and wiped the sweat from his brow.

Justin huffed and his breath blew out the candle. "Crap."

Brian only laughed in the darkness and propped the mattress up on the wall. "Come here."

"Would you light my candle?" Justin said in a sing-song voice as he approached Brian, guided by the moonlight that streamed in from the large windows at the end of the hall.

"Careful," Brian said watching Justin's slow movements. "I don't need you tripping and falling."

"My eyes adjust easily in the dark," Justin said holding out his candle. "Would you light my candle?" he sung again and smiled up at Brian. "Thank god for the moon."

Brian dug out his lighter and retorted, "Why are you singing?" he asked lighting the candle once again.

"It's from RENT," Justin said with a laugh.

Brian huffed out a large laugh. "Baby, it's not the moon at all," he retorted making the candle blow out again from his breath.

He and Justin both started to laugh and through giggles Justin said, "What'd you do to my candle?"

Brian couldn't help but smile as he lit the candle again. "You're crazy, Justin."

Justin laughed and moved away from Brian and down the hall, illuminating the space a little more.

"Baby, it's not the moon at all," he said through his laughter. 'Or the candle', Brian thought as he looked at Justin standing illuminated from what seemed like an inner glow. He knew it wasn't that cheesy 'pregnant inner glow shit'; he was pretty sure that Justin probably had that glow pregnant or not.

Justin was thrilled to see this silly side of Brian. When the lights had gone out, essentially all of the power in the house, he nearly freaked out. Being without power in the middle of nowhere nine months pregnant immediately made him panic. He'd started to ramble on about all his worries, but Brian had immediately stepped up and calmed him down. Their kiss had been almost forgotten.

Justin knew how cold the upstairs got at night. He usually had to crank the heat to high. With no heat there was no way they could possibly be warm enough, so he suggested that they stay downstairs and make a pallet of blankets and cushions on the floor. Brian, however shot that down, claiming that Justin would be uncomfortable and had suggested bringing down the mattress from Justin's room.

It was a good thing considering Justin hadn't put sheets or blankets on the guest room bed. Everything he'd bought was still with most of the boxes in one of the spare rooms. The same place all of his candles were, and with only one candle that was running low, he doubted they'd have time to search and find anything in the dark.

Justin had collected them both a pair of sweats and t-shirts from his drawer. He took the blanket and sheets off the bed and placed them downstairs. When he came back up, Brian was bent over the bed and Justin watched as he strained to get the heavy-duty mattress out of the bed frame. His ass stretched the fabric of his pants and made Justin shiver, but not from the cold. He never stopped to wonder why exactly it didn't feel strange that he and Brian would be sleeping on that mattress in front of the fire together.

"Can you handle putting the sheets back on?" Brian asked once they'd arranged the mattress near the fireplace and moved the sofa up against it.

"Sure," Justin said. "I'm going to change my clothes first."

It was dark in the living room; the fire had nearly gone out but Brian could still see Justin's cheeks flushing in the candle light. He cleared his throat. "Okay, I'm going to go change in the bathroom and turn on the faucets in the downstairs bath, the shower and the kitchen to keep the pipes from freezing."

"Well, take the candle then," Justin told him, picking it up from its original spot on the mantle and handing it to Brian.

"Thanks. I'll relight the fire when I get back," Brian said as he grabbed up the sweats in his other hands and left Justin to take care of the tasks.

Justin remade the mattress and then he got undressed and pulled on his sweat pants. As he did he felt his baby kicking him in a fury and had to sit down. "Whoa, little guy," he said as he rubbed his big tummy.

Brian walked back into the living room and paused in his step. He could see Justin was sitting back against the couch, his eyes closed and his hands rubbing around on his stomach... and he was talking. But not to him. Brian didn't mean to eavesdrop but he couldn't help but be lost in the way Justin looked in the firelight. He couldn't even stop for a minute to analyze how odd it was that he was constantly caught up in the beauty of Justin. He just stood there and listened to the man's melodic voice as he talked.

"I really wish that'd I'd met Brian before I met Neil. But then I wouldn't be having you so I shouldn't say that. I'm so confused, baby. He probably thinks that I'm just some money grubbing kid. I know that I'm acting crazy and because of that you're probably feeling all my excitement or you'd probably be asleep right now like you usually are at this time of night." With those words Justin let out a big yawn.

Brian took the break in Justin's speech as a cue to move further into the room. "I got everything all set." Brian didn't want to let on that he'd heard Justin's conversation with the baby. He too was confused and had a lot to think about. He had so many questions but he knew that Justin was tired and he didn't want to pry more than he already had that evening, though he wasn't sure he'd be able to go to sleep after hearing Justin's words.

Justin looked up and sat up straighter. "Oh, sorry." Justin turned to find his t-shirt but realized it was still sitting near the coffee table.

Brian smiled, "What are you sorry for?"

Justin pulled the covers over himself, "I'm sure the last thing you want to look at is my big huge ugly stomach."

"I was just thinking about how beautiful you are," Brian said. His mouth immediately hung open at the surprise of what had just come out of his mouth. For some reason, being around Justin made cheesy shit just fly out of his mouth. Even if it was the fucking truth, he normally didn't have a problem with saying anything remotely as cheesy or emotional as he had in the last couple of hours.

Justin noticed Brian's surprised look and spoke in a soft tone, "It's okay. You don't have to say things you don't mean."

Brian opened his mouth and closed it. Now he didn't know what to say at all. He was afraid that if he actually spoke again, worse shit would fly from his mouth.

"Do you want to put some more logs on the fire?" he asked, trying to diffuse the sudden tension in the room.

Brian immediately went to do the task; he winced to himself when he saw Justin covering his body with the sheet as he went after his abandoned t-shirt. Fuck, he had to say something; he didn't want Justin thinking that he thought his stomach was ugly. Fuck? Who would think that? It was true. He was fucking gorgeous. Of course, he never in his wildest dreams would have thought he'd think that in the first place!

Justin was once again trying to mentally talk himself out of the disappointment he was feeling as well as the other feelings he was developing for Brian. He knew damn well that Brian was there because of some unfortunate circumstances. He would most likely never see Brian again once the snow cleared. He had his baby to think about too; he couldn't just go falling in love with a man that really was only being nice to him because he was stuck with him. He had nowhere else to go and whatever had transpired between them before had fizzled.

Brian stoked the flames and the fire rose once again in the fireplace. He warmed his chilled hands by it for a moment, trying to get the courage to just turn around and tell Justin what was on his mind. When he finally did turn around it was only to find that Justin was laid curled onto his side, apparently asleep.

Brian sighed to himself and climbed under the comforter beside Justin. He stared at Justin again and reached his hand out to find Justin's under the blanket. When he couldn't find it he looked under and saw that Justin's shirt had risen and it was placed right under his stomach near his waistband. He slowly moved his hand to cover Justin's and spoke into the cool night air, "I think every single ounce of you is beautiful, Justin." Brian settled his head on his pillow and blinked his tired eyes as he stared at Justin's face. "You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen."

Justin's eyelashes fluttered open as he stared at Brian who had fallen asleep. His heart was beating so quickly and his breath had quickened at Brian's words, stopping him from responding immediately. But when he did, he spoke softly as he threaded his fingers with Brian's. "I feel the same way about you, Brian."
 

XXXXX

Chapter Five: “Golden Gardenias”

“Justin, please wake up!” Brian gently shook Justin's shoulder.

“Neil, come back,” Justin moaned out.

“Justin, come on, please wake up” Brian leaned down to speak in the boy’s ear.

“No!” Justin’s eyes flashed open. “Brian.”

“You were having a nightmare.” Brian was glad he heard relief when Justin had said his name. When he had awoken to Justin’s whimpers and moans, he was not sure what to do.

“Yeah,” Justin spoke groggily as he struggled to sit up.

Brian grabbed Justin’s elbow and helped the him situate himself in the upright position. He watched as Justin bowed his head and breathed in and out deeply. “Are you all right?”

“I’ll be fine,” Justin told him as he let out a long sigh. “I just need a few minutes to calm down.”

“You get these nightmares a lot?” Brian asked.

“They come and go.” Justin reached up and patted down his unruly hair.

“Since your husband died?” Brian pressed. “I’m sorry, you must miss him.”

Justin looked over at Brian and studied him for a minute; the events of last night made his next words easier to speak. “I miss the idea of him, but Neil wasn’t who I thought he was so I can’t say that I miss him.”

Brian wrinkled his brow in confusion but then remembered the words he had heard Justin speak to his child. “What happened?”

Justin sighed and shook his head. “It’s too early for this conversation.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Brian replied. “I know I can be...”

“Perfect,” Justin whispered.

“What?” Brian said leaning back against the sofa.

“Nothing...” Justin said. “You’re fine, Brian, and you didn’t upset me. I actually don’t think I would mind talking about this with you. After what you shared with me, I’m sure I should probably do the same. I just don't think I want to talk about this as soon as I wake up.”

Brian nodded his head. “Well then, how about we start the day with breakfast? I saw your stocked refrigerator. Though I said I was a terrible cook, I can actually make some pretty mean omelets and I even learned how to microwave bacon when I was in college.”

Brian reached his hand down and helped Justin to stand.

Justin scrunched up his nose. “Microwave bacon?”

“Well, if you can do better…”

“I can,” Justin told him laughing. “But I’ll let you try your hand at the omelets, just make sure you don’t get any eggshells in them.”

Without thinking, Brian spanked Justin’s ass. “If you’re going to be a smartass, I’ll leave you to the whole meal.”

Justin felt heat travel up his spine from Brian’s playful smack. His dick seemed to react right away and he scurried as quickly as he could in front of Brian, willing the hard-on to go away before the man noticed. He was glad that the kitchen was cold because it took care of his problem right away.

“Jesus Christ! This kitchen is fucking freezing!” Brian said as he walked across the cold wood floor and to the refrigerator. “Someone needs to call the front desk about this,” Brian smirked at Justin before hiding his face in the fridge.

“Do you think you’re at a bed and breakfast, Brian?” Justin teased. “I know I said you could pretend this was the Alps, but I never said you’d get five star services. This isn’t Aspen.”

Brian laughed as he shut the fridge door with his foot. “Now you tell me.”

Justin smiled as he took the food from Brian’s hands. “I’m going to start the bacon. If you want to take a quick shower there are some extra towels in the linen closet beside the upstairs bathroom.”

Brian smelled himself. “I guess I must stink.”

Justin laughed. “I didn’t say you did. I just thought you might want to take a shower is all.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Do you have any more sweats I can borrow? I really don’t want to put my suit back on.”

“Sure. Do you remember the drawer I got them out of yesterday?”

“Yeah, the bottom one right?”

“There’s a whole bunch in there and some t-shirts and sweaters too. Wear whatever you’d like.”

“Okay, thanks,” Brian said smiling as he walked out of the kitchen. “Oh, Justin?” he called once he was on his way up the stairs.

“Yeah?” Justin called back.

“You’ve just moved your accommodations up to three stars,” Brian yelled from the landing at the top.

He smiled to himself when he heard Justin’s answering laughter and response,
“What do I have to do to get five?”

“If you have to ask then you don’t deserve them,” Brian shouted back.

Justin’s giggles sounded throughout the house.

Brian took a quick, hot shower. When he arrived back down in the kitchen, he found Justin dancing in front of the stove as he flipped the strips of bacon. Brian called his name twice but realized when Justin turned to the side that he could see his Ipod attached to the waistband of his pants and the headphones were in his ears. Brian stared at how the small device pulled down the band on his sweats, dipping just low enough so he could see a sliver of white skin. God, it was almost infuriating to Brian how just the tiniest glance or piece of skin revealed was making him hot and bothered. Being in Justin’s home, away from all of the distractions and the pressures of the family that knew him, was doing things to his mind and body he never would have thought would be possible.

Not only was he undeniably attracted to Justin, he felt so happy being around him most of the time. Moreover, he was really starting to consider wanting so much more than this weekend friendship. He was starting to think that he might want to make a life, a future with the young man and his child. However, before he could allow himself to continue on the path of those thoughts, he needed to know more about Justin. His brain was telling him that he needed to know what he was getting into, even if his heart did not want to listen.

“Oh!” Justin jumped in surprise when he turned around to find Brian leaning up against the entrance to the kitchen. Brian had a longing, almost hungry look in his eyes that made tingles go through Justin’s body. He blushed at the look he was given before shutting off and putting the Ipod down on the counter.

Brian realized he had been caught staring, but he really did not care at this point. He could not fucking help it, it was all the boy’s fault for shaking his ass and just looking totally adorable, which he’d never admit to thinking about. Nevertheless, he felt his cheeks heat up at the thought.

Justin smiled at Brian when he saw the other man’s tan cheeks get rosy. “I was listening to some techno. It always gets me pumped in the morning.”

“Don’t let me stop you,” Brian smiled and moved over to pick up the headset. He tried to hand it to Justin but Justin batted his hands away.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that I was your entertainment,” Justin told him. “Did you have a nice laugh?” He asked this question because he wanted to know if the look he saw in Brian’s eyes had been what he thought.

Brian cleared his throat. “If you really noticed me looking at you, you’d know that I was far from laughing.”

Justin smiled widely at Brian and turned back to tend to the bacon. Brian smiled to himself and started on the omelets.

Both of them kept their smiles through out the entire cooking process.

“Uh oh,” Justin said while chewing a big bite of his cheesy omelet.

“What?” Brian asked. “Is there a piece of a shell? I thought I was really careful.”

Justin smiled and placed his hand on top of Brian’s. “No. There’s no shell.”

“Then what is it?” Brian hoped that he had cooked it right. He had never actually cooked an omelet for anyone besides himself.

“This is so delicious I think that I’ve got a new craving, Brian,” Justin squeezed Brian’s hand and then withdrew it to dab at his mouth with a napkin.

“So you like it?” Brian ventured.

“I love it!” Justin told him. “The baby does too.” He placed his napkin on top of his stomach and leaned forward to keep eating.

Brian smiled. It seemed like the more he has gotten to know Justin, the more he liked him. Even though they were essentially trapped together by the still raging snowstorm... it did feel like he was on vacation. He was able to leave his worries and fears behind and he had the added bonus of a blond bombshell at his side.

Justin debated on what exactly he felt comfortable telling Brian. He longed to open up to the man. He was so lonely, but it was not only that. Brian had this attitude that Justin loved. Brian was direct but caring, strong but gentle and a complete smartass. Justin loved his sense of humor. He also loved the way… ‘Wait a minute,’ Justin stopped his Brian musings. ‘I have to stop using the word love. It will only get me in more trouble. Even if we do have an attraction to one another, I have to be practical. We can be friends, but there is no way that Brian will want more from me, not once the baby comes, and I have to think of the baby’s needs first before my own. ’

“Justin, Earth to Justin?” Brian was waving his hand in front of his face.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you find the plastic box labeled Candles and Knickknacks? ”

“I said your name like five times,” Brian said as he pushed a large red and green plastic storage box with his foot in front of Justin’s feet.

“It must be the pregnancy; it always has me daydreaming. I don’t usually daydream about anything unless I’m drawing or painting.” Justin looked down at the box Brian had put in front of him.

“You draw and paint?” Brian asked lifting the lid and peeking inside.

“I’m an artist.” Justin brought his foot up and then down onto the lid. “Don’t!”

Brian stood up straight and wiped his sweaty brow. “You actually have Christmas stuff. I thought you hated Christmas.”

Justin brought his foot down to the floor and then sat on the box. “I don’t.”

Brian stood behind Justin; the boy’s head was level with his stomach and Brian couldn’t resist bringing it back against him and massaging the boy’s scalp. “Are they Neil’s decorations?” Brian asked softly.

Justin closed his eyes and took comfort in Brian’s perfect touch. “No,” he whispered.

Brian moved his hands and started to massage Justin’s tight shoulders. “They’re yours?”

“Yes.”

“Do you not like Christmas because you don’t have Neil to share it with? Or is it because of something…”

Justin jerked away from Brian. “Stop!”

Brian caught Justin under his arms as the man tried to jump up too quickly. He urged him to sit down on the box again and then moved to sit on the floor at his feet, between the boy’s legs. “I don’t want to upset you but I’m worried about you.”

“You don’t need to be worried about me, Brian. I’ve been fine all on my own and I’ll be fine once you leave.” Justin did not mean to sound so harsh but he started to feel himself closing up from the pain that was trying to surface.

Brian took Justin’s shaking hands in his own. “I’m sure you will be. Most people usually do a lot better when I’m not around. I have seen that first hand. However, with you, I think you might actually like my company. I would even dare to say that you have not minded being stuck here with me.”

“Oh, Brian,” Justin squeezed Brian’s hands. “I have not minded at all. But once the snow melts you’re going to leave.”

“Justin...”

“No. Let me finish.” Brian nodded his head for him to continue. “I have my baby to think about.”

Brian felt himself grow cold and pale. “You’re right, Justin.” He stood up. “I probably wouldn’t want a child around me either.”

Justin tugged on Brian’s hands. “No, that’s not what I was going to say. You know I think you would be a great father and probably are great with kids. It is not that, Brian, not at all. It’s the opposite.”

Brian warmed at Justin’s words and lowered himself back to the floor. “What is it?” he asked through the lump that formed in his throat.

Justin took a deep breath. “I hardly know you, but it feels like I have for my entire life. I am already dreaming about things that will never happen with you. I am wanting something that I do not think I have the right to want.”

Brian smiled and then let out a laugh.

Justin glared. “Brian! I can’t believe you’re laughing at me when I’m…”

Brian rose up onto his knees and took Justin’s mouth with his own. He moved his hands to Justin’s sides and then slid them around Justin’s back, pressing them as close together as they could with Justin’s tummy in the way.

Justin opened his mouth and as soon as he tasted Brian’s tongue his entire body felt like it was on fire. However, his stomach chose that moment to let out a loud growl. He pulled his mouth away from Brian. “Brian.”

Brian didn’t want to stop kissing Justin; he opted for kissing a trail down Justin’s neck, licking and biting at the salty sweet skin and he went, “I…”nip “feel” kiss “the” bite “same” lick “way,” he finished and then pecked Justin’s moaning mouth with another tongue-filled kiss.

Justin stared at Brian in amazement. “Did you… just...”

“Yes,” Brian said with a smile. He rose to his feet. “Everything you said, Justin. I feel the same way.”

“You do?” Justin allowed himself to be helped to stand.

“I do,” Brian told him. “Now, let’s go make some more of those sandwiches we had last night and warm up by the fire. All this sorting through boxes has me cold and hungry.” and horny, he thought to himself.
 

***
 

"Golden Gardenias - Part B"

After lunch, Brian and Justin went back upstairs to continue to sort through the boxes while it was still light out. Justin pretty much stood and directed Brian, much to his embarrassment. He did not like watching Brian doing something he should have and could have done himself months ago. There was something relaxing though watching Brian move and he could feel something inside him bubbling, needing to be released, and no, it was not his constant erection.

“Found this,” Brian told him, holding up a clear box that held extra linens.

“Thank you, Brian,” Justin said and went over to look through it as Brian continued to sort through the messy spare room.

“You really should have hired moving men to do this for you,” Brian told him. “Not that I mind, of course.”

“I know,” Justin blushed. “It’s a mess because at first I couldn’t go through it all. Then I just could not bear to have a stranger going through Neil’s things and mine. Actually though, most of this stuff is mine. Neil was a minimalist… in most aspects of his life anyway.”

“This seems like a pretty big house for a minimalist, that’s for sure,” Brian said, hoping that what he had read in Justin’s tone had been wrong.

“Neil never lived here. He hated this house actually.” Justin laughed bitterly.

Brian stopped what he was doing and sat on one of the storage containers. “This is the most beautiful house I’ve ever been in. Its extravagant but it also felt like a home as soon as I’d walked in.”

Justin smiled. “That’s how it was for me too. We looked at probably five dozen houses. I wanted this house. Neil hated it. He and I did not have the same tastes. He wanted something small and closer to Pittsburgh. He was a surgeon at Allegheny General and did not want to drive so far to and from work. I understood and so we did not put an offer in on any house actually. I thought he’d gotten cold feet but then I found out the real reason was because…”

“He was seeing someone else,” Brian filled in and gestured for Justin to sit beside him. He took the boy’s hand in his own when he did.

“I was at school and had gone to see the nurse for the third day in a row to get some Pepto after getting sick in the bathroom for the second time that day. She suggested that I might be pregnant and happened to have an at-home test there. I took it and well…” Justin rubbed his belly.

“You were pregnant,” Brian finished for him.

“Right,” Justin answered. “I stopped at the drugstore on my way home and bought a couple more tests. I took all of them and they were all positive. I was scared but excited too. I mean, Neil and I had been married for almost three years, together for almost four. I knew I was young but I thought that it was just the natural progression of our relationship. Neil and I had talked about starting a family once I graduated from PIFA, so I figured we would just start on that dream early.”

Brian listened and was more than a little surprised to hear Justin tell him he had been going to school at PIFA. It was a prestigious art school; he had many talented artists in his art department that were alumni of PIFA and was immediately interested in Justin’s art. However, he also was interested in the rest of Justin’s story, so he kept his mouth shut and his fingers threaded through Justin’s fingers.

“I was so excited, so I called him at the hospital. Neil usually did not like me calling there. He said it was unprofessional so I usually just paged him if I needed him and he always called me back. That day though, I let my excitement get the best of me. The receptionist I talked with told me that his shift had ended two hours before and he had left to go home. I wasn’t worried that he had not arrived home. Neil had started going to the gym after his shift regularly a couple of months before. I figured he’d gotten off early and that’s what he was doing.” Justin paused and let out a shuttering breath. “Saying this all out loud, I can’t believe I didn’t see it then. I cannot believe I did not know. I was so stupid.”

“He was your husband,” Brian said evenly, putting his arm around Justin’s waist and bringing Justin’s head onto his shoulder. He caressed Justin’s hair, running the soft tendrils through his fingers. “You weren’t stupid. You were in love and you trusted him with the vows you took.”

Justin huffed out a sarcastic laugh. “Actually we didn’t take any vows.”

“What? I thought you said…”

“Neil didn’t want to go the traditional route,” Justin told him. “We just signed some papers and went to the courthouse to be married by the judge. The only thing the judge asked me was if I took Neil Knight to be my partner. I agreed and Neil agreed and that was that.”

“That doesn’t sound very romantic,” Brian commented. He thought briefly about what he would like his and Justin’s wedding to be like and chuckled to himself.

“What?” Justin asked looking up at Brian with sad, blue eyes.

“Oh, never mind. I was just thinking…” Brian trailed off, not wanting to share his crazy thoughts with Justin quite yet.

“Tell me,” Justin prodded him and batted his eyelashes at Brian, unknowingly making the other man’s heart quicken.

“I was thinking about what I would like my wedding to be like,” Brian said, omitting the part about the other groom.

Justin raised his blond eyebrow and smirked. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Brian said, taking in Justin’s beauty.

“Tell me what your dream wedding is like?” Justin asked wistfully.

“Some other time,” Brian said. “I want you to finish your story while I keep looking through the bins.”

Justin pouted for a moment and then leaned up to kiss Brian’s jaw. “You will tell me though, right?”

“As soon as you get done telling me your story, I’ll tell you whatever you want, deal?”

“Deal,” Justin bumped his shoulder with Brian’s. He marveled at the ease and comfort he felt in Brian’s presence and was so happy that it went both ways. Never in his life had it been so easy to talk to someone before and he had the feeling that talking was not something that Brian Kinney did very often.

“So… you were saying…” Brian prompted as he started moving more stuff around.

“I waited a couple of hours before I called his cell. He picked up the phone on the first ring and sounded all out of breath. I immediately apologized for disturbing him while he was working out. Looking back on it I guess he did sound confused, but he covered it up and then he asked how I knew he was not at the hospital.”

“Testing out the waters to see if you knew about his cheating?” Brian suggested.

Justin nodded. “Yeah, but of course I just told him I’d called the hospital and they told me he left. I told him that I figured he had gone to the gym but that I had something important to tell him and that I could not wait any longer. He tried to get out of it, told me he had made plans with a friend for dinner but well, I guess my emotions got the better of me and I ended up crying and telling him I needed him to come home as soon as possible. He reluctantly agreed and so I waited… and waited. After about an hour, the phone rang and when I looked on the caller ID, I saw that it was the hospital. I thought he was called in to do an emergency surgery or something. But it was a nurse telling me that he’d been involved in a car accident and that I needed to get to the hospital because he was barely hanging on.” Justin wiped away the tears that had fallen from his eyes and took some calming breaths.

“How did you find out about everything?”

“That’s probably the worst part,” Justin interrupted, waving his hands in the air.

“Neil passed away before I arrived. I went into the room, said my goodbyes and to be honest with you, Brian, I don’t remember much until a nurse stopped me and asked if I wanted to talk to the surviving passenger.”

“Oh.” Brian moved back over to Justin and sat beside him. He could not believe that Justin had gone through this. He felt so guilty for the preconceived thoughts he had had about him in the beginning. Justin was anything but a spoiled boy toy.

Justin leaned his head against Brian’s chest and closed his eyes, remembering that day, those moments, in vivid detail. His voice was monotone as he relayed them to the man holding him in his arms, keeping him safe and making it so much easier to tell this secret he’d not spoken.

*Flashback*

“There…there was another passenger? Oh, no, Neil’s friend, is he all right?”

The nurse looked at him wearily. “He’s going to be okay but he sustained some injuries and will have to be kept overnight.”

“Has he been told of Neil?” Justin trailed off, not being able to speak the words as tears fell down in face.

“Yes, he’s very upset. Maybe you could go and talk to him?”

“Would you show me to his room?” Justin asked, wiping his face and trying to pull himself together. He had not met many of Neil’s friends and did not want to look like the total mess that he was. It would help him if he could be strong for someone else.

“Of course,” the nurse said and then led Justin to the room and walked away.

Justin peeked inside and could see a man curled up on his side facing away from the door. “Hello?” he said in a throaty voice.

“I already told you I don’t need anything,” the person said in a sob.

Justin walked further into the room, “I… I uh, they told me you were the passenger in the c...c…crash. I wanted to come see how you were doing. I’m Neil’s husband.”

The man in the bed instantly turned toward him and looked at him with rage. “You’re Justin!”

Justin took a step back. “Yes,” he whispered. The man did not look that much older than he did; it took Justin a moment to recognize his face. The man was one the interns on Neil’s surgical team.

“Get out!”

“What?”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out!”

Justin jumped back. “I… I’m sorry… I…”

“You don’t have any idea who I am, do you?”

Justin shook his head and fought back his tears. “You’re Neil’s friend. You’re on his medical team.”

“No, Justin! That isn’t who I am,” the red haired man clutched his stomach as he glared with glassy reddened brown eyes.

Justin felt chills run through his entire body. “Who… who are you?” he gulped.

“I was Neil’s lover until you killed him!” he spat.

Justin froze in place. He could not comprehend what the man was saying at first. “No, Neil is my husband.”

“Yeah, well he wasn’t going to be for much longer, Justin!”

“No,” Justin shook his head. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because it’s true, little boy. We’ve been sleeping together for the better part of a year and he was going to tell you after we had dinner tonight.”

“No, you’re wrong.”

“I’m not! Believe me; he was going to tell you. You called him and he was out of breath. Why do you think that was?”

“He… he was at the gym lifting weights…”

“He had his dick inside me and was fucking ME! That’s why!”

“No! You’re lying.”

“That’s not all! You want proof, you little shit!”

“No! Stop it!” Justin started to turn to run from the room. His entire body was shaking from grief and from… from what he was sure what had to be lies.

“I was having his baby!” the man shouted, making Justin turn in his steps to face him.

“What?” Justin’s lips trembled as he spoke.

“He was trying to rush me home before he went home and told you he was leaving you. He was worried you would find out about us and wanted to end it right away. He was tired of the lies and your bullshit. He was going to leave you because I was pregnant.”

“No!” Justin roared. “You’re making this up.”

“I’m not. You needy little boy! He did not ever love you. He told me that when he picked you up at seventeen it was because you were innocent and then he felt bad because you left your family to be with him. You were a hot piece of ass at first but you couldn’t keep up with him. He wanted to leave you even before he met me. He was constantly giving into you because he felt sorry for you!”

“No!” Justin buried his face in his hands. “It’s not true, Neil loved me.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” The man yelled. “Neil loved me and he was leaving you to be a family with me and our child.”

“No! He wouldn’t do that. He didn’t get you pregnant!”

“He did. And if you want proof! Why don’t you go ask my good doctor who just had to perform my fucking miscarriage!”

“What?”

“I lost my baby because he was rushing home to get to you! Now get out!”

“James, what’s going on? Are you okay?” A doctor, Mitch Holmes, one of the friends of Neil’s that Justin had met, came into the room. He looked back and forth between the two distraught men. “Justin…”

“Mitch, is it true?” Justin asked shakily.

He barely saw Mitch nod before he sprinted out of the room.

*Present*

Justin was bawling his eyes out and shaking in Brian’s arms. He had felt the pain bleed through him and rush out as he recited the memory. All these months he had kept the feelings buried within him. Each time they had tried to arise he ignored them. He was so afraid that he would fall into them and never make his way out. Now he had Brian to catch him. It was such a relief.

“I’m here, Justin,” Brian told the boy. His emotions had gotten the better of him once he’d heard Justin start to sob. Everyone he knew betrayed him. Justin had not had anyone to turn to. He found himself wishing that he had met Justin then. He wanted to have been there for him, but he knew it was not possible to go back.

“Christmas was my favorite Holiday, Brian. Neil would always tell me that I overdid the decorations. He thought it was silly, but he indulged me and I thought it was because he loved me and wanted to make me happy. He did not have any family and I could not go to my parents’ house, so each year he would surprise me and book us a suite or a cabin somewhere. He would even have me bring a box of Christmas stuff to decorate the place. Now, I know that it was only because he felt sorry for me, Brian. This year I just didn’t want Christmas to come. I didn’t want to celebrate something that for my entire life had always been filled with lies.”

Brian’s heart broke for Justin, because of what Justin had gone through and also because regarding Christmas. Brian completely understood where the boy was coming from. His childhood Christmases were always horrible. It was not because he didn’t get what he wanted from Santa; hell, he was pretty sure he never even believed in the man. It was because of the hell his mother and father would put him through on the day. He was expected to be on his best behavior. He had to perform the part of happy family in front of everyone. Then at home, no matter how good Brian acted he was usually beaten so badly that his bruises and sores had only begun to heal by the time school started in January.

Nowadays Brian disliked Christmas for different reasons. But as he held Justin, sitting on the box filled with the boy’s Christmas memorabilia, he started to think that it might be possible to make Christmas better for them both.

“I’m sorry, Brian,” Justin said once he got himself under control. He sat up and looked at Brian. He was a little shocked yet warmed when he saw Brian’s glassy eyes.

Brian ran his hand down Justin’s face. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Justin. I am glad you shared your pain with me.”

“Me too,” Justin sniffled. “It helped a lot… you being here, I mean.”

Brian ran his hand down Justin’s chest and then placed it on the big belly. “I want to be here for you, Justin. I would want to even if I wasn’t stuck here with you.” He stared at his hand moving over the expanse of Justin’s flesh.

“Oh,” was all Justin could manage to say. He tried to stop his mind from racing and reading into the touch and Brian’s words but he could not help it. He felt his eyes tearing up again and whimpered.

Brian looked up at Justin and saw the beautiful boy’s pink lips trembling once again. He watched as Justin blinked and two tears fell from his eyes before he opened them and his gaze pierced into his own. “I want to make you happy, see you smile again,” he whispered. “How can I do that, Justin?”

Justin cleared his throat. “Tell me, Brian.”

Brian raised his eyebrow in confusion, “Tell you what, Justin? I will tell you anything. I told you I would.” Brian felt Justin’s hand come on top of his, the boy pressed them down a little, and Brian felt the baby turning inside Justin for a magical moment before the pressure was gone.

Justin struggled to smile. “Every time you touch me the baby moves. It’s like the baby feels your warm hand protecting us.”

Brian smiled. “It does?”

“Yeah… so tell me, Brian. Tell me what your dream wedding would be like.” Justin kept his hand over Brian’s and looked up into the hazel eyes.

Brian laughed, “I’d probably be extravagant. I don’t do anything halfway.”

“I’m sure you don’t,” Justin agreed.

“I’d have my friend Emmett plan it and cater it of course,” Brian told him. “He’s a wedding planner and caterer. He did the mayor of Pittsburgh’s wedding last June. Anyway… legend has it that if your lover breathes in the scent of a golden gardenia, he’ll love you forever. I read a poem once about it, and I always thought that’s what I’d want to put in our boutonnieres.”

“That’s very romantic, Brian,” Justin smiled.

“Ridiculously romantic, something I usually am anything but.”

“Really?” Justin asked with a teasing tone, his expression lightened and his body feeling much better after Brian’s description

“But none of those details really matter. Because if it were my dream wedding, the only thing that I would really need would be my dream groom.” Brian brought his free hand up to trace Justin’s soft face and lips.

Justin gulped in a deep breath before speaking. “Who would that be, Brian?” he whispered against the fingers on his lips.

“It would be you,” Brian told him. He took his fingers away from Justin’s face and stared at the young man; his heart started to beat erratically as he tried to decipher Justin’s unreadable expression.

“Brian,” Justin whispered Brian’s name and then his entire face broke into a smile before he leaned up and kissed Brian thoroughly and passionately. “You have no idea how ridiculously romantic you are, do you?” he said pulling back and staring into Brian’s deep hazel eyes.

“You bring out the best in me,” Brian told him and then leaned down and claimed Justin’s lips.

 

XXXXX
 

Chapter Six: “Surprises”

“Oh my god,” Justin gasped, putting one hand over his mouth as his eyes scanned the bathroom.

“You like it?” he asked in a near-whisper.

Justin turned around to face Brian. The man’s eyes had taken on a dark bronze-like color in the candlelight. He had to catch his breath before he spoke. “God yes, it’s amazing.”

Brian pressed his lips together in a shy smile. “I wasn’t sure you would. I mean, I’ve never done…”

“No one has ever done anything this nice for me,” Justin told him, stepping closer to the taller man and taking his hands in his own. He looked up at Brian, “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Oh,” Brian said, embarrassed. “It’s not a big deal… I just wanted to make you comfortable.”

Justin dropped his hands from Brian’s and moved them to Brian’s slim waist. He then leaned in close to him and stood on his tiptoes, kissing Brian’s mouth with a soft peck. “It is a big deal, Brian,” Justin said softly, his eyes starting to brim with tears. “It must have taken you forever to light all these candles.”

Brian pulled Justin’s body as close to him as he could. “You deserve to be pampered every now and then.”

Justin nuzzled his face in Brian’s shoulder. “What about you? You’re the one that worked hard moving all those boxes and stuff today. It took forever to find the boxes of candles, no thanks to me.”

“It was no big deal. Besides, I get myself pampered enough. I have a bi-weekly appointment at a spa in Pittsburgh,” he admitted.

Justin laughed, “Of course you do.”

Brian pulled away from Justin. “Well, you better get in before the water gets cold.” He could not resist running his fingers through Justin’s beautiful hair.

Justin turned and looked at the huge bathtub, filled to the brim with hot steamy water and bubbles. It looked so inviting, but something occurred to him that had him feeling extremely nervous and made him pause in his steps.

Brian walked around Justin, facing him again. The boy was staring at the bathtub and he could see, even in the candlelight, that Justin’s face was getting red. He also noticed the expanse of skin on his chest not covered by the terrycloth robe had started to flush. “What is it?”

Justin bit his lip, looking back and forth between Brian and the water before gulping in a big breath and speaking, “Um… I remember why I don’t usually take baths in the master bathroom.”

Brian’s face fell in disappointment. Shit, he thought. I should not have done this, I did something wrong. “Why?” he voiced in a nervous whisper.

“Ever since I started getting really big I can’t get in and out of this tub. It’s too deep,” Justin told him, putting his hands over his flushing face and shaking his head. “When you told me you’d run my bath I just figured you’d do that in the guest bathroom. I wasn’t really thinking.”

Brian sighed, relieved that it had not been worse. He was not very good at this kind of stuff, not at all. “I can drain this and make you one in there.” Brian turned and started to go to do just that but Justin’s hand on his arm stopped him.

“No! No, Brian. I love this. It is beautiful, and I cannot wait to relax in it,” Justin paused and said the next sentence as calmly as he could. “Just… if you don’t mind seeing me big, fat and naked, I’d need you to help me get in and out.”

“Oh,” was all Brian could utter. He felt the stirring of lust inside him when the plump lips had said the word naked. Justin’s embarrassment was heightening it, pulling on Brian’s common sense. He was trying to prepare himself for actually seeing Justin naked and he forgot to answer Justin’s question.

“It’s okay, Brian,” Justin said sadly, touching Brian’s arm. “I don’t like to look at myself in the mirror naked either.”

Brian snapped out of his daze at Justin’s words and laughed, “Oh, no Justin. It is not that! Believe me, I was just trying to… oh never mind. I’d love to see you naked…” Brian paused then, “I mean… I don’t… I…shit!” Brian could not believe he had been reduced to this! He was acting like a schoolboy! He had fucked hundreds, if not thousands of men! He’d never, not once, been this nervous or excited just at the fucking prospect of seeing a man naked. But it was Justin. Justin! Justin had been driving him crazy since the moment he met him. He had Brian feeling so comfortable with him that he had begun to think and say and do things where Justin was concerned that he never imagined himself doing.

Justin was laughing softly and smiling at Brian’s plight. “It’s okay, Brian. I get it.” Justin hoped that his hard-on would go away by the time he took his robe off; the second Brian had uttered that sentence it made his cock jump and his body tingle.

Brian took in a deep breath and let it out, getting himself under control. “I just meant that I wouldn’t mind seeing you naked. I’m sure you’re just as beautiful with your clothes off as you are with them on.”

Justin smiled, once again feeling shy as he felt Brian’s gaze roam up and down his body. It burned into his skin, and he was not even naked yet. The room was cold though, so he was sure that would make his now raging hard-on deflate as soon as the air hit it.

“Let’s get you in the tub.” Brian waited as Justin walked over and turned away from him. He watched as the young man’s back rose and fell, taking in a deep breath, and he heard it let out slowly as he saw the belt of the robe fall to the ground. He wanted so much to go and slip it off Justin himself; he ached to do it. He wanted touch him, be touched by him.

But who was he kidding? He had not let anyone touch him, see his naked body, other than doctors or his masseuse, in over a year. He had told himself he was going to Ibiza to have fun in the sun and get laid. Really, he knew the weather was bad this time of year and most likely there would not be anyone around. He probably would have spent the whole time being pampered alone. Spending the last twenty-four hours with Justin had been amazing and he knew that he wanted Justin, more than just to get laid. He could not bring himself to allow Justin to see him naked, see the ugly scar that marred him. It would surely scare the man away.

Justin slowly opened the material on his robe and looked at Brian over his shoulder as he shrugged it off his shoulders, down his arms and then let it lay pooled at his feet on the floor.

Brian was positive that Justin probably had no idea how sexy he truly was. He forced himself to not stare long and moved toward the young man. “Hold on to my shoulder,” Brian told Justin, putting his arm around the boy’s waist. His hand sizzled from the warmth of touching Justin’s body. He stared into the blue eyes, not wanting to make Justin more uncomfortable. He was sure that if he allowed himself a look at Justin’s nakedness, he would not be able to stop appraising him. He barely could when Justin was clothed.

Justin shivered from the cold, but also from excitement as he leaned his body against Brian and stepped into the tub. He had been wrong; the cold had not done a thing to his erection. Brian’s gentle touch only made it worse. They had kissed, felt each other’s bodies, but not skin-to-skin. It was driving Justin wild. He wanted Brian Kinney.

Brian held on to Justin, supporting Justin as he slowly sunk into the warm bath. He tried his hardest to keep the moan in his own body from escaping when he heard the moan come from Justin, right at the point that Justin turned and Brian looked down to see Justin’s pink, hard cock, jutting up from his thick bush of blond pubic hair. He held in the moan, but realized that his mouth had watered and he had been on the verge of drooling and had to wipe his mouth. “I’m going to crack the door open so you can yell if you need anything.”

Justin leaned his head back and smiled. “Okay. Thanks, Brian.” He smoothed the thick bubbles all over his chest and body innocently.

Brian felt his dick twitch again; he needed release immediately. “I’m going to go shower and then I’ll make us a sandwich and some Jiffy-Pop. Do you want me to come and help you out when I’m done with that?”

Justin nodded. “You could always get in here with me. This tub could fit like four people,” he joked but then reprimanded himself as soon as the words came out of his mouth.

Brian wanted to take Justin up on his offer, but he could not, for more than one reason. “I’m just going to take a quick shower.”

“Okay. I’m going to enjoy the best bath I’ve ever had,” Justin smiled.

Justin watched Brian smile at him once again shyly. Then the man slowly turned around and cracked the door behind him, looking into his eyes as he did. Justin’s heart swelled and thumped in his chest and he knew he was falling for Brian, because of so many different reasons. He was so confused though because he had no idea how it had happened, and in such a short time. He was so fucking scared too. Brian had told him that Justin was his dream groom.

Then, shortly after their talk, he seemed to grow embarrassed of his admission. Brian had gone around the room and finally they located the bin with the items they needed and found some extra blankets. Their conversation for the rest of the evening remained light, and Brian seemed to be almost scared to touch Justin whenever he had gotten close to him. The electricity between them was intense, undeniable. Justin had never felt anything like it, even if all they did was dance around their attraction, without a touch or bit of flirting.

Nevertheless, here was Brian, doing things and saying things, ridiculously romantic things that had him re-thinking everything. He also knew, from what Brian admitted about himself, that it was also surprising and out of character for him to act in such ways. Would the love, if that was the right word for it, also melt away once the snow did?

Really, Justin did not know what to think. He was not sure it was possible to fall in love at first sight; he thought he had with Neil, but he convinced himself he had been wrong. Love at first sight did not exist, if love truly did at all. He was wrong in ever thinking Neil loved him in the first place. The whole time the man had used him and felt sorry for him. In hindsight, Justin saw that it was true. He had latched on to Neil from their first night together, but even then, if he was honest with himself, it wasn’t because he loved Neil, it was because for the first time in his life Justin felt like someone wanted him. The draw of that is what led him to believe he was loved and in love.

*Flashback*

Justin took a deep breath and braced himself, summoning all the confidence he could as he approached, “Excuse me, uh… could you tell me like, where’s a good place to go?” He knew his voice had threads of nervousness in it, but he had come here for a reason. He was not going to back down.

“Depends what you’re looking for. If you want twinkies, go to Boy-Toy; if you want leather, go to Meat Hook; if you want snotty conceited assholes who think they’re better than everyone else, try Pistol.” The man leered at him, sending chills up and down Justin’s body. “It’s kinda late to be out though, isn’t it? Especially on a school night?” The man put his hand on Justin’s neck and rubbed it sensually, “Why don’t you come home with me, huh?”

Justin took a step back. “No thanks,” he said nervously.

“Go on home to your mommy, go on,” the man laughed.

Justin stopped in his tracks and looked back at the man. He did not get a creepy vibe from him, and he was not bad looking. He just was not the Adonis type man Justin had imagined meeting, but he realized that this was his only chance. The fantasy type of man he created in his sketchbook probably did not exist. Liberty Avenue was crawling with people and he had not seen one that looked like his fantasy yet. “What… what’s your name?”

The man seemed a bit surprised, but then recovered quickly. “Neil. Neil Knight?” Neil sidled up closer to Justin and put his hand around the boy’s waist. “And you are?”

“Justin Taylor,” the boy said, giving the man a small smile.

“You still wanna go check out the bars? Or do you wanna come back to my place?”

Justin could feel the man’s jean-covered erection press into his crotch. He gulped, “Your place.”

The next morning Justin woke up to Neil pressing kisses down his spine and trailing them toward his sore ass. The sex had been gentle and fulfilling. It had not been what Justin had imagined it would be, but it was good and Neil had even let him top him too. He felt Neil licking at his sore entrance; it felt sooo good, and so forbidden and devious, much like he felt when he’d first stepped onto Liberty Avenue…. ’Oh shit!’ Justin thought, tensing up.

“You all right?” Neil asked, lifting his face up from the boy’s delicious ass.

Justin turned back to look at Neil as the man climbed off him. “What time is it?” Justin sat up and looked around for a clock; he had no idea where his watch was.

“It’s eleven thirty,” Neil said. “You have somewhere you have to be?”

“Oh fuck!” Justin jumped up from the bed and started to gather the pieces of his clothing from around the room.

Neil got up from the bed and caught Justin in his strong arms. “Where are you going?”

“I have class,” Justin told him, trying his hardest to get into his pants.

“What time does it start?” Neil asked, releasing the boy to start getting his own clothes on.

“It started at nine, fuck! My mom is going to kill me!”

“Your mom?” Neil gasped. “You mean… shit, you really are a kid.”

“I’m seventeen, don’t worry. I’m legal,” he told Neil.

“Christ Justin, well hurry up and I’ll take you to school,” Neil said, throwing his clothes on.

“No, I can’t go to school late without my parent’s signing me in. Dammit, you’ll have to drop me off at home.” Justin collapsed onto the bed, putting his shoes on. “My parents are going to kill me.”

Neil sat down beside him. “For ditching class?”

“I told them I was staying at a friend’s house last night.”

“You were.” Neil gave Justin’s cheek a kiss.

Justin leaned his head against Neil’s for a moment. “She thinks I was at my best friend’s house. By now, the school probably called to tell her I did not show up. I’m in deep shit!”

“Fuck!” Neil hung his head.

“Do you know where I put my cell phone and watch?” Justin asked, looking around.

“They’re on the bathroom sink,” Neil reminded him but got up and retrieved it for him.

Justin was dressed by the time Neil came back into the room. “I can take the bus. You don’t have to drive me.” He could feel his nerves getting the better of him and felt tears pooling in the back of his eyes.

“Hey…” Neil brought Justin into his arms and rubbed soothing circles up and down his back. “Let me drive you home. That is, are you sure you want to go home?”

Justin shook his head. “No, I’m not sure. I know they are going to freak out, but I’ll have to take it like a man. They cannot do much to me. I’ll be eighteen in a few months.”

“Do they know you’re gay?” Neil asked.

Justin frowned, “I doubt it. It’s not that they wouldn’t approve exactly, they just… they want me to be their little boy forever and go to the college they want me to go to, do whatever they want. Not me, even though I got an early acceptance to PIFA, they still want me to go to Dartmouth. I hardly have any friends besides Daphne because I don’t have time to do anything but study, study, study.”

“Well, I went to Dartmouth. But I wouldn’t suggest that if you want to be an artist. Plus, I know how hard it is to get into school there. I remember a buddy of mine applied like five times, he ended up going to medical school with me, said getting into that was easier.”

Justin paused, “You’re a doctor.”

“A surgeon, yeah.” Neil took Justin’s hand and led them out to the car.

Justin gave Neil directions toward his home and instructed the man to let him out at the corner of his block. “Thanks for the ride. And for last night.”

Neil leaned in and kissed Justin deeply, “Thank you.” His voice was husky but then he turned serious. “If your parent’s won’t let you follow your dream, come see me. I wouldn’t be adverse to letting you take out a loan from school, or giving you a sympathetic ear if you need it.”

Justin nodded, “Thanks. Bye.”

Neil kissed him one last time. “Remember what I said. Come see me if things don’t go so well. I’m not on call today so…”

Justin smiled, “I appreciate that. Bye, Neil.”

“Bye, Justin.”

 

***
 

Two hours later Justin had knocked back on Neil’s door, tears streaming down his face, his hands holding the two bags of his belongings.

Neil opened the door and took the gorgeous boy into his arms.

 

***
 

*Present*

Brian looked at the clock on top of the fireplace. It was almost seven o’clock. Justin had been in the bath for almost two hours. He had quietly checked on the boy twice since then; one of the times he saw the water running. The water must have gotten cold. He stood up from the floor and looked at his creation, it of course was not perfect… but it would have to do. He popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth and went into the kitchen.

Once there, Brian quickly prepared them both a roast beef sandwich and poured the uneaten popcorn into a bowl. He grabbed the two cans of soda he’d sat near the kitchen window to get cold and brought the meal into the living room.

Brian surveyed the room one last time and then climbed the stairs to retrieve Justin. The excitement built inside of him with each step he took and he was relieved when he finally reached the master bath door. “Justin, dinner is ready. Are you ready to come out?”

Justin poked his head out of the water, “Yeah, come in.”

Brian opened the door and walked into the room. “Did you have a nice bath?” he asked approaching the boy.

Justin smiled, “Yeah.”

Brian did not keep himself from staring this time. “Oh wow!” The bubbles had depleted and Brian could easily see into the water.

Justin put his hands on the top of the baby bump that poked out of the water. “The baby has been moving a lot lately.”

Brian smiled and crouched down beside the tub. “Can I feel it?”

Justin took Brian’s hand and placed it on top of his stomach.

“Come on, move for me,” Brian coaxed.

“Oh… wow!” Justin yelped.

Brian laughed and smiled at the feeling, “That’s so amazing.”

“It is,” Justin agreed. He shifted a bit in the tub. “Really Brian, the baby seems to like you and your voice. It moves so much every time you talk.”

“It can hear me?” Brian asked.

“Well, not if I talk, cause then it’s like a loud speaker, but yeah,” Justin smiled. Justin enjoyed the feeling of Brian’s hand gliding back and forth over his stomach, but the baby had stopped moving; he was sure it was because Brian stooped talking. “Go on, talk some more.”

Brian blushed. “What should I say?”

The baby started moving as soon as Brian talked. “Anything, Brian. See?”

Brian laughed, “I bet you want out of there, don’t you?” Brian asked and the baby seemed to be rubbing a foot back and forth under Justin’s skin. “Is it getting pretty cramped in there? You’re Daddy’s body is so tiny it’s a wonder you were able to stay in there as long as you have,” he joked.

Justin’s face was still flushing; the intimacy he knew with Brian was thankfully coming back. “You know, you probably shouldn’t be saying that Brian,” Justin laughed. “We don’t want the baby to come out right now, not while we’re stuck here.”

“You wait inside at least until the snow clears, you hear me baby?” Brian said, changing his tune. “I think your Daddy will be just fine if you do. Good bye.”

Justin looked at Brian and felt himself falling, even deeper than he knew he had. The innocence in the way Brian reacted to the baby was so heartwarming and Justin desperately wanted to tell Brian he was being cute; he almost did until he saw Brian dipping his head down toward where his hand was.

Brian kissed the bump of Justin’s belly, gave it one last rub and stood up. “You ready to get out now?”

Justin shivered from Brian’s gentle and loving kiss. He realized Brian must have thought he was shaking from the cold, but cold had nothing do with it. Justin was far from feeling cold. He was burning inside. “Yeah,” Justin answered and leaned up. This time he seemed to not care that Brian saw him naked. Something much more intimate had taken place seconds before. He gripped onto Brian, smelling the man’s fresh clean scent from the shower he had taken and almost growled when he brushed against him and could feel his erection through the sweat pants.

“I’ll leave you alone to get dressed, but I’m going to wait outside for you. I have a surprise for you so I’ll have to help you down the stairs while you close your eyes,” Brian told him.

Justin smiled, “Another surprise! God, Brian! You’ve done enough for me.”

Brian smirked, “Just hurry up and get dressed.”

Brian disappeared through the door. Justin could not stop smiling the entire time he dressed, which was, in his state, a record time.
Part B

“Mmmm, the popcorn smells good,” Justin said as his stomach growled.

Brian laughed, “Almost there, you can have your popcorn in just a few minutes.”

Justin was not worried about his footing; he had Brian to lead him and felt completely safe as he did. Brian’s body felt so good pressed close to his own. Brian’s strong arm circled his waist and the tips of his fingers brushed back and forth along the dip on the side of his waist.

Brian loved how it felt to have Justin so close to him. Every time they touched, it made his heart beat accelerate. He never would have guessed he would be in the situation he was in, doing the things he was doing for and with Justin. Nevertheless, he found that as each hour wore on, the affection and the attraction he had for the man grew.

Brian knew even before he met Justin that he was on the precipice of a huge change from within. The last year he felt like his life had fallen apart; he felt like he had lost his identity. At the same time, he knew with clarity the type of person he had been. He did not want to be that person. His brain was scrambled trying to find out who it was he did want to be. The years of hiding who he truly was and what he really wanted were drawing to a close; if only he could he find the crucial piece that would help him become open to all that wanted to be.

Justin had given Brian shelter from the all the storms he found himself always weathering. His whole life had changed direction. Brian finally saw himself, and he wanted to take the steps to be that person, turn his life around and help Justin
do the same with his own alongside him. He only hoped Justin would be ready for him.

“On the count of three you can open your eyes,” Brian said, pulling Justin to a stop. He left Justin alone for just a second and grabbed the digital camera he found on the top of Justin’s shelf in his bedroom. He walked over and stood in front of Justin, the camera at the ready, “Okay. One… two…three, open your eyes.”

Justin’s mouth dropped open; he stared at the sights around him and turned slowly, taking everything in. His mind did not even register the camera’s flashes. He was completely, totally speechless. When he turned back to Brian and saw the man giving him an apprehensive smile, hands out to his sides as if he was saying ‘I’m waiting,’ Justin moved as quickly as possible, buried himself in the man’s arms and began to cry. Brian had managed to break down the last wall that surrounded his heart.

“Shh…” Brian squeezed Justin against him and ran his hands up and down Justin’ s back and neck.

Justin rubbed his face back and forth on Brian’s chest and absorbed all the warmth he could from him. “I can’t believe you,” he kept whispering repeatedly.

Brian wasn’t sure at first if Justin’s words were of surprise or of anger, but when the boy looked up at him and gave him a wide watery smile, eyes shining bright, Brian felt happier than he ever could remember feeling in his entire existence. Justin was looking at him as he had always dreamed someone would. Justin loved him! “Do… do you like it?”

Justin brought his hands up and cupped Brian’s face. “Yes. I love it, Brian. I’ve never known anyone that could amaze me like you have.”

“Me neither,” Brian whispered, his heart swelling. He leaned down, looking into Justin’s eyes the entire time, and kissed him.

They kissed with their eyes open. It was an action both men could not remember engaging in ever before. Each movement of their tongues and the sensations they absorbed from the actions were expressed in their eyes. The men breathed against each other’s faces, devouring one another until Justin’s growling stomach forced them to break apart, both of them giggling as they pulled away, but not too far from one another.

“I have our sandwiches over at the table,” Brian said taking Justin’s hand.

“Wait,” Justin laughed. He dropped Brian’s hand and wiped his face before grabbing it again and pulling on it, “I want to see everything you did first.”

“But the baby wanted food,” Brian retorted, patting Justin’s belly.

Justin laughed. “The baby is sleeping right now. The stomach growling was all me. I want to look at everything Brian.”

“Okay,” he smiled.

“You did this while I was in the bathroom?” Justin asked walking back and forth.

“Yeah, and because we didn’t have electricity I couldn’t give you the full effect. So I hope this works.”

“Brian, it works. It definitely works!” Justin gave Brian a quick kiss. “I just can’t believe you did this.”

“I was afraid you’d be angry. I know you told me you didn’t want to celebrate Christmas and really, neither did I. But Justin…” Brian paused to collect himself. He felt himself shaking inside as he tried to get his words right, tried to find the right way to express and sell his real self for the first time.

Brian didn’t realize that he had been doing just fine. There was no need to sell himself to Justin. Justin had owned him from the very beginning. Justin was now fully aware of it.

Justin watched as Brian bowed his head and pressed his lips together, looking at him through his long dark eyelashes. It was amazing to Justin how Brian had first seemed to him to be only a gorgeous, pretentious man. It seemed like he had thought that years ago, but the man had changed before his eyes in only a little over twenty-four hours. He stepped toward Brian and put his hands on his shoulders. “Where did you come from?”

Brian’s face contorted into beautiful confusion. “Pitts...”

Justin started laughing and shook his head. “That’s not what I meant, Brian. I know where you live. I was asking you where you came from.”

Brian looked past Justin and scanned the room as he tried to figure out what Justin was asking and how he was supposed to answer that question. He was more than a little confused. He started to answer sarcastically “Well, one night my…”

“You rescued me, Brian,” Justin interrupted, “from everything that I was drowning in. Do you understand what I mean?”

“I just…” Brian let out a deep breath and took Justin into his arms, one arm rose and he combed his fingers through the thick blond hair. “I want make you happy. That’s all I know, Justin.”

Justin beamed. “How could I not be happy, Brian? I didn’t even know what it was like to be happy until I met you.”

Brian’s smile lit up his face. It was smile rarely seen by anyone; maybe it had never been seen before. “Did I give you your Christmas spirit back?”

“You gave me more than that, Brian.” Justin’s stomach growled. “Well, I guess this time I better eat. Even though the baby seems to be sleeping, I don’t think I can wait any longer to eat.”

“Okay, we’ll eat and enjoy the Christmas tree.” Brian took Justin’s hand and helped him to sit down on the couch.

Justin and Brian ate in relative silence. They were both thinking about the last day and the future. By the time they finished their meal, they had both decided exactly what and who they wanted in their future.

“I have something I want to show you now, Brian,” Justin told him after they cleared their plates.

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Justin took Brian’s hand. “I do.”

A look passed between them that spoke volumes as Justin took Brian’s hand and led him up the stairs and down the hallway. They stopped in front of the door beside the master bedroom.

“What’s this?” Brian asked the young man. The house was huge and he had only explored a few of the rooms; he was very interested in what was behind this door. Justin seemed to be very excited about it.

“You’ll see.” Justin opened the door and flipped on the lights, pulling Brian in behind them.

“Oh my god, Justin, this is beautiful!” Brian said looking around. “Did you do all this yourself?”

“It’s practically all I’ve done since I got pregnant, and before you ask, all the paint was non-toxic and I ventilated the room.”

“You hung those up there?” Brian pointed to the ceiling art and shook his head. “I knew you had to be a good artist when you said you went to PIFA, Justin, but this is the most amazing nursery I have ever seen.”

Justin laughed. “I did the painting and ceiling pieces before I got too big to stand on a ladder. All the other details I did the last couple of months. I mean, it wasn’t as if I had anything else to do. It’s just been me and the baby.”

Brian detected the sadness in Justin’s voice. “Why did you stop attending PIFA?”

Justin sat down into the big white chair and rubbed his belly. “After Neil died I couldn’t even imagine painting or drawing again. I tried to draw again but nothing would come. I finished the spring semester and tried to use the summer to get my head around things, but I just couldn’t go in the fall.”

“Are you going to go back?” Brian asked, crouching down beside Justin.

“Maybe one day, but not for a couple of years. I am going to be a single father and I can’t imagine raising a baby and going to art school. I want to be there with my child. I was practically raised by nannies and my parents didn’t really ever know me. I don’t want that to happen with me and my baby.” Justin rubbed his belly and smiled. “I spent a lot of time decorating this room. Even though I couldn’t exactly paint masterpieces, I wanted to do something special.”

“I’d say you went beyond special, Justin. And the painting you did for the canvas drape is…. Dammit, Justin,” Brian laughed. “I don’t have words to describe what you’ve done here. I know the baby will appreciate it.”

“You don’t think it’s too artsy?”

“It’s serene and well, I can tell you that I never really imagined thinking a nursery could look designer and also warm and inviting at the same.”

Justin leaned forward. “You really think so, Brian?”

Brian leaned down, holding Justin’s gaze. He kissed the young man’s knee and then placed his hand on Justin’s stomach. “I do.”

A moment passed and then, “Brian, I want to show you something else.”

Brian smiled and stood up, holding out his hand to help Justin. Justin walked over to the closet and opened the door.

Brian came up behind him, awed by the array of unisex baby clothing Justin had hanging. “You sure have everything ready.”

“I have something else I wanted to show you,” Justin dug into the very end and drew out an item Brian was surprised to see. “The reason I didn’t want to celebrate Christmas wasn’t only because of what happened with Neil. It was because I didn’t want to celebrate alone. I bought this for the baby so I could celebrate Christmas with him, even if I had to wait a couple of weeks. But you changed everything Brian and it wasn’t only because you set up that Christmas tree.”

“Justin, I…”

“Wait, please. Let me finish. I’m so fucking nervous.” Justin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I thought I knew what love was with Neil. I met him at a time in my life when I was confused and he took me in when my parents kicked me out. He gave me the money to go to school and I thought I owed it to him to love him. I spent almost four years with a man that I thought I loved and that I thought loved me. After what he did, I thought that love didn’t exist, at least not in a relationship. I was completely alone and whether or not Neil died, he was going to leave me and I still would have been alone. So I just spent time here making up this room. I sat in that chair over there and read books to the baby or to myself. That’s what my life has been like for the last six months. Me alone with my baby. And then you came along, Brian. Just yesterday and it feels like, God, I hope I’m not alone in this, but it feels like for the first time, I know what love is.”

Brian could feel tears prick at the back of his eyes and he took Justin into his arms. “You aren’t alone, Justin.” They were the easiest and most meaningful words he had ever spoken. He rubbed his face in Justin’s hair. “I’ve been so lonely too, Justin. I’ve been surrounded by people the last year and I always felt so alone until yesterday.”

Justin moved his face, brushing his lips against Brian’s. “I want you in my life, Brian, but I’m so scared that it’s all happening too fast.”

“Maybe it isn’t too fast,” Brian replied. “We’ve lived our whole lives without each other and with one chance meeting we both found…love.”

“I’ve been falling in love with you since the second I met you, Brian,” Justin whispered.

Brian smiled. “Even when I was an asshole.”

“Even then,” Justin said in a choked voice.

Brian held Justin’s face in his hands. “I meant what I said earlier. You are the man I want to marry. I don’t care if I’ve known you one day, Justin. I’m so fucking scared… I’m not sure when the moment was that I fell in love with you, but I do love you.”

“Then you want to be with me?” Justin asked.

“I want to spend every Christmas from here on out with you… and the baby.” He put his hand on Justin’s stomach and dropped to his knees, kissing Justin’s belly along the way. “I love you Justin and I want to marry you.”

Justin sucked in a breath and smiled as silent tears ran down his face. “You realize that means the baby is in this too?”

Brian stood up and brushed Justin’s tears away and kissed his eyelids. His hands shook as he took Justin’s hands in his own. “You don’t think I’ll be a bad influence, do you?”

Justin saw the vulnerability in Brian’s eyes and heard the shaking in his voice. “That would be the last thing I would think, Brian.”

“I want you and the baby, Justin. So will you marry me?”

Justin nodded and laughed. “I will. You realize we’re completely crazy, don’t you?”

“For the first time in my life I don’t care, Justin. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me but you. But do you realize that I… I’m deformed, Justin.” Brian said in sad voice.

“No, Brian,” Justin told him passionately, “that isn’t true.”

“You haven’t seen me Justin, I… I haven’t shown anyone. I haven’t had sex with anyone in almost a year. I just… I’m so afraid that once you see it’ll turn you away from me.” Brian wasn’t sure when he’d started to cry, but he found himself wrapped in Justin’s arms and the floodgates opened.

“You are fucking gorgeous, Brian. I don’t have to see a scar you got because you chose to live; that won’t change anything, Brian.”

“I couldn’t let anyone touch me or see me, Justin.” Brian pulled away and wiped his eyes. “You have done something to me though, touched places in me that… fuck, Justin. A couple hours ago I still couldn’t bring myself to think you would want me.”

“I want to marry you, Brian. All of you.”

“You do?”

“I do.” Justin smashed his lips against Brian’s. “I haven’t been with anyone in almost as long as you Brian. The only man whom I’ve ever been with hurt me intentionally and I really wasn’t sure I’d ever let anyone close to me again. I especially didn’t think that any guy would want to even consider being with a widow and their child.”

“I want you, Justin.” Brian grabbed Justin to him and kissed him. “I want to touch you and I… I really want you to touch me too.” Brian ground himself against Justin. Both of their cocks were hard and rubbed against one another through the thin fabric of their sweatpants.

Justin kissed Brian’s face. “I want that too, Brian.” Justin took Brian’s hand and pulled him along with him into the hall. “Show me what it’s like to make love, Brian.”

Brian put his arm around his blond. “I’ve never done that, Justin, but I’ll try to show you.”

“We’ll learn together,” Justin smiled and closed the nursery door behind them.

 

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