Credence
 

Chapter Seven: “Crest”

"Love is the emblem of eternity, it confounds all notion of time: effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end." ~ Germaine De Stael
 

*****

 

August Part 2

If anyone asked Justin to define beauty only five minutes ago, he would have told them that it couldn’t possibly be defined, because beauty meant something different to every person. He would’ve drawn parallels between art lovers and people who only see what they want in a canvas, picture, or person. To one, the most beautifully painted portrait could be nothing but imitation, not worthy of the word ‘art’. The painting may not evoke any feeling at all to anyone but the person who painted it. It was the same way with beauty and it could be found in every smile your lover gives you or every gum-littered, shimmering sidewalk your feet step upon. Justin knew better than anyone that an artist could not make anyone feel what he wanted the viewer to feel, no matter how extraordinary his techniques may be. And what bothered him most of all was that some of the most acclaimed art was purely superficial beauty to the viewer and likely hated by the artist.

Despite Brian’s high opinion of his own magnificence, Justin didn’t think he had the full grasp on the vastness of his splendor in Justin’s eyes. Before Brian undressed, Justin knew things about Brian that few who ever gazed at the gorgeous man had been privy to.

Justin realized that beauty was much more than what was projected from the surface; that it was an entity in and of itself, a flowing current of chemistry predetermined in Brian’s genetic makeup that encompassed everything about the world that Justin had ever admired in his life.

Justin appraised Brian’s naked body with an artist’s eye but also with the eyes of a young man who was falling in love. Brian’s skin was a golden honey color that glowed in the sunlight coming from the windows. His skin tone worked to define all of his muscles, but the color lightened around his pelvis, the creamy hue appearing to highlight his auburn pubes surrounding the large, tumescent cock. Justin’s mouth watered both from the sight of Brian’s body and the intoxicating scents surrounding him. Justin could taste him, even though Brian was standing a few feet away from him. The scent of arousal, need and what he could only describe as ‘Brian’, was tangible to his taste buds.

Suddenly Justin began to worry that he might have a weird taste to his skin. He’d heard about men’s bodily fluids tasting different depending on diet and if they were on any medication or took drugs. Justin took four different allergy pills a day and he wondered if that would cause his skin to taste funny. He would almost chance a lick of his arm if Brian wasn’t staring at him so....

Fuck! Justin didn’t know how to describe the look Brian was giving him. He wanted to sketch Brian’s expression, his entire body, but he knew it wasn’t the appropriate time to dash off and grab his pencil and sketchpad. He took a mental picture and hoped he’d remember him at this moment accurately. He would draw the first man he had ever seen naked and likely draw him over and over again, striving to create the perfection he saw before him, a two dimensional image never being as good as the model before him. Brian was the epitome of beauty to his virgin eyes.

In high school, Justin had peeked at the other boys as they changed in the locker room, how could he not? But he’d never seen any of them hard and none of them had the body or the cock of a man. Not even in Justin’s life class at PIFA had he been fortunate enough for his instructor to choose a male model who disrobed and showed his cock. They’d always had a sheet draped over their crotch prior to the students entering the studio, because his professor had been adamant about the students learning to paint draping the way the masters had. So often he’d find himself getting hard, his pre-come wetting his boxers as he focused on the crotch of the model, painting the folds of material carefully, much more detailed than the others in his class. His professor had been impressed. But it had been agonizing for Justin, because he’d suffer from fantasies of the material slipping from the model’s body to reveal the mysterious flesh that created the mound under the sheet.

Justin didn’t need a fantasy or an over-buff ‘lay-for-pay’ model. And it wasn’t so unfortunate in retrospect, because Brian Kinney was the most gorgeous and sexy man he’d ever laid eyes on and to see every part of his body, for it to be the first body of a man that he was allowed to appreciate and salivate over, it made the wait more than worthwhile. But it also made Justin feel completely inadequate. Brian was beauty defined and he... well... Justin didn’t even have the experience of any man seeing him naked to know what they thought. When he looked in the mirror with his clothes on, he thought he was hot, but naked all he saw a skinny, pale virgin.

“Your turn,” Brian encouraged after standing for long minutes, waiting patiently for Justin to get his fill of looking at him.

Justin flushed and took a few steps away from Brian, feeling overwhelmed as he realized that for page 101 to happen, he’d have to get naked too.

“I want to see you too,” Brian spoke in a soft voice. He had thought about undressing Justin himself, but he wanted the act to be a conscious decision on Justin’s part. “Take your clothes off.”

Brian saw Justin’s fingers shake as he gripped the bottom hem of the white t-shirt he wore. Brian stepped closer to him and grabbed his hands. “Hey, calm down.”

“I’ve never been naked in front of another man,” Justin confessed, staring into Brian’s eyes which had changed color to blue-green. This color Justin had only seen reflected in the man’s eyes a few times, usually in the daylight when the sun was shining on them and Brian was laughing or other times, when he was amused or surprised. Justin didn’t think this would have been a shock to Brian but his expression showed that it was. “And after seeing how beautiful you are… I think… I can’t imagine how I could compare. How I’ll measure up to the men you’ve been with.”

“Those men were forgettable.” Brian had been the aggressor in many a man’s firsts when it came to sex acts. There were some that he’d never forget and many more that he’d forgotten so fast that he didn’t even boast to his friends about them. He wasn’t one to go after virgins though. Sure, they held their appeal at times, but he generally wasn’t into being patient with tricks, and helping a chicken earn his wings often resulted in Brian holding back his sexual appetite and feeling unsatisfied in the end. Despite everything he’d done, he’d never been with a virgin who had absolutely no experience with sex. Usually, to gauge if the untouched twink was worth the trouble, he’d start them off by making them suck his cock. It was a test and if they passed he’d give them a fuck they’d never forget. If they failed, he’d give them a hand-job and send them on their horny way.

Brian wanted to take things slow; he knew that Justin needed them to be that way. He just wasn’t sure he could give him that. Then, the thought of being inside of Justin crossed through his mind and he knew that if he ever wanted that experience he couldn’t scare Justin away by behaving like a sex-crazed asshole for his first sexual experience.

“You’re not going to think the same thing about me when we’re finished, are you?” Justin asked uncertainly.

With Justin, Brian felt like everything was new and that didn’t only apply to sex. Maybe that was the reason Brian knew he could wait for Justin to be comfortable, let Justin have the time he needed to gain confidence and be patient as Justin experienced his first time revealing himself to Brian. “You already aren’t, this...” Brian gulped in a deep breath and then pushed the words out upon its release, “What we’re doing... what we’re about to do, is only going to cement that.” He knew that Justin had needed that reassurance, especially because he knew about Brian’s sexual history, but just speaking that way to Justin was making him doubt doing this. He was sure that Justin deserved someone who didn’t have to force words like these out of their mouth.

Justin’s stomach flip-flopped and he felt like he might throw up and worse, his dick did not respond well to his embarrassment and began to flag. Brian’s words should have made him feel better but the ‘about to do’ part was what his mind focused on. He could read the directions in the book a million times and he would still be an inexperienced virgin. He was so scared that he wouldn’t please Brian.

Brian could see that, despite his words, Justin looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. His hands were shaking and he stared at Brian with a fearful expression. It was up to him to calm Justin and show him how great sex could be and before things had started it seemed like he wasn’t making progress. Brian had never felt inadequate when it came to sex, but that was because sex had never been like this. He took Justin’s hands away and brought them to his mouth and kissed them. “We’ll go slow, all right?” He held Justin’s hands until they stopped shaking, then took two steps back to give Justin a little space. “Taking your clothes off for me shouldn’t strip you of your confidence. Now, please, stop me from saying more lesbianic shit, which you are entirely responsible for, and get naked so my mouth can get busy doing something worthwhile.”

Laughter bubbled up and out of Justin’s mouth and he momentarily forgot how embarrassed he felt. He quickly pulled his shirt off, the cool air in the room making his nipples immediately harden. Then, he unzipped his jeans, bent over and slid them down his legs before stepping out of them. Standing upright he turned toward Brian, his hands covering his crotch, one of them fondling his dick.

“Jesus, Justin,” Brian released the words in one hot breath, “you’re beautiful.”

Justin smiled, felt a little more confident and dropped one of his hands, using the other to stroke his cock, his yearning for Brian winning out over his bashfulness.

“Why were you hiding your dick?” Brian asked, his eyes widening as he saw Justin’s cock grow to its full length.

Justin looked down at his cock and was happy it was now at its full length, his nerves had gotten to him and he’d softened when it was time for him to undress. “No one wants their first to see them soft,” he explained.

Brian rolled his eyes. “You’ve got a big dick, even soft I bet it’s bigger than most guys wish theirs could be.”

Justin let go of his cock so Brian could get an unobstructed view. “Glad I meet with your approval.” He spoke that much more confidently than he felt, a feeling of disbelief settling upon him as he realized that he was standing naked in front of a naked man who desired him.

Brian had to wipe the saliva away from the corners of his mouth as he walked around Justin, pausing behind him for long minutes to stare at his ass. Justin was pure perfection. His body type was the complete opposite of his own, with the exception of having a thick long cock that almost matched his length. Justin’s skin was porcelain-pale, his upper body nearly hairless with the exception of a thin treasure trail running below his perfect belly button down into a thick nest of untrimmed pubes. His legs were a little bony, dusted with golden curls that Brian was sure could only be seen because of the sunlight. His chest was more sculpted than Brian had thought it’d be and he realized how far from ‘twink’ Justin really was.

He had to stop himself from appreciating the bubbly globes of Justin’s butt too much. It was too tempting because he desperately wanted to throw him on the bed and beg Justin to allow him to fuck him. With as hard and needy as he became looking at Justin’s ass, he wasn’t as in control of his libido as he’d have liked to be. No one, not the best fuck he’d had left him feeling as out of control as Justin was making him feel. He felt pulled in two directions, wanting to run and wanting to stay exactly where he was.

He stopped in front of Justin, pushed him backward onto the bed and stretched out on top of him, letting their erections rub together. Kissing Justin’s mouth was so toe-curling, Brian understood why Justin had passed out when he first kissed him. He felt lightheaded himself and pulled away before he came all over Justin’s belly. “You ready?” he asked, his voice almost unrecognizable to him. Him asking, <i>caring</i> about the answer sent warning bells off in his head.

Justin felt overwhelmed from the contradicting emotions inside of him. He forced his mind to concentrate on all the good sensations and spread his legs wide. “Yes.”

Brian kissed Justin again and wrapped his hand around both of their cocks, stroking them in tandem while his tongue searched for more and more of Justin’s taste. “Feel good?” he asked, pulling away from Justin’s addictive mouth.

The touch, taste, and smell of Brian caused Justin’s brain to short-circuit and he couldn’t form words. It was too good. So good, he couldn’t believe he’d denied himself this and managed to moan something that sounded like the word yes but he couldn’t be sure.

“All right,” Brian said, sliding backward to kneel on his haunches in between Justin’s legs. He looked down at Justin’s cock, grasped the heated flesh and his stomach growled, surprising him. He laughed at himself and looked back up; smiling at Justin to see if he’d heard his stomach’s noises. He’d hungered for sex many times but hadn’t ever had a true physical expression of his yearning to taste any man’s cock.

Justin grinned wide, his teeth reflecting the sunshine, his flushed chest heaving as he fought the need to come and wished he’d known this was going to happen because he would’ve jerked off a few times so he didn’t embarrass himself and come like an overeager teenager. Brian’s eyes darkened to a honey-brown color and Justin felt goosebumps bloom on his skin.

A warm wave of emotion starting in Justin’s chest spread through his body as he memorized Brian’s expression. No one had ever looked at him like this, so possessively and aroused. He felt like he was coming and yet he wasn’t. He was lightheaded because he had stopped breathing, only realizing it when he heard himself gulp in a breath of air. He watched, fascinated as Brian’s head bowed and his face brushed against his cock, his nose sniffing Justin’s groin, and one last coherent thought passed through Justin’s brain before Brian’s mouth moved to capture his leaking cock, ‘I love him’.

 

~~~~~~

Brian cracked his eyes open when he heard a funny sound Justin was making and looked down to see Justin’s cheeks were moving and his puffy lips were pursing. “What are you doing?”

Justin swished Brian’s come around in his mouth and then swallowed it. He sighed and crawled up to lie beside Brian, his cheeks blushing. “I was tasting you.”

Brian let out a half-hearted laugh. He was exhausted. It was hard to believe that giving and receiving three blow jobs could tire him out, but he supposed it was all the kissing, licking and discovering in between the blowjobs that had done the job. “So, what do you think?” he asked, running his hands through Justin’s hair only to be stopped when he encountered a crusty knot.

Justin dislodged Brian’s fingers. “I love it!” He said it with enthusiasm but still he could feel a fresh blush creep upon his cheeks.

Brian pulled Justin closer, the shy announcement unnervingly endearing. Justin placed his head on his chest and Brian was well aware that to an outsider what they were doing might be considered cuddling, but he knew what it was. Conserving body heat in between rounds of sex. As soon as he thought it, he called himself a liar. “We really should take a shower.”

“I know.” Justin lifted his face off Brian’s chest and felt a little bit of the dried come on it transfer onto his cheek. “But I’m too tired,” he said, placing his head back down and kissing Brian’s nipple.

Brian was amazed to feel his cock stirring just from the tiny, innocent kiss. “You’re a great cocksucker,” he praised.

Justin winced at the seemingly derogatory term but knew it was just Brian being Brian. “You know, of all the times I’ve been called that I didn’t think it’d ever be such a great compliment.”

“That thing you did with your tongue at the end… did you learn that from watching porn or something?” Brian asked.

“Nah, I was just experimenting,” Justin mumbled, covering his face with his hands.

Brian took Justin’s hands away from his face and asked, “How can you still be shy?”

Justin felt like an idiot and didn’t want to answer so he ignored the question and changed the topic and asked, “So, what grade do I get, Professor Kinney?”

“Definitely an A+,” Brian said, a little amazed at the truth of that. It wasn’t the blowjobs he was grading, it was the overall experience and though he would never admit it aloud, there was a distinct possibility that they could’ve cut out the orgasms and he would still feel just as satisfied.

Justin saw a splotch of dried come near Brian’s pelvis and scooted down to lick at it. “Mmm…”

Brian sat up on his elbows. “What are you doing?”

“Cleaning you up,” Justin said, before going back to lick away the last remnants of Brian’s release. He carefully studied Brian’s body looking for other spots and found a shiny patch on his ribs.

“You’re a come slut already,” Brian whispered, the affection in his tone soothing the crude words. He wondered how he’d gotten so lucky to have met someone who was such a perfect mixture of sweet and nasty. “What did you like the best?” he asked, seriously wanting to hear Justin’s answer. He wanted to know how to turn him on, how to please him and if there was anything he didn’t like.

Justin gulped. “I can’t answer that.”

Brian ran his hand up and down Justin’s arm and settled his hand over Justin’s. “You can, and tell me the truth.”

“Oh god,” Justin groaned. “I really don’t think I can.”

“Justin, tell me.”

“Okay, okay.” Justin thought for a few minutes. “I really liked the first time when you pulled out of my mouth and came all over you. It was so hot watching you rub it into your skin, watching you lick it off your fingers.”

Brian was surprised. “Really?”

“Oh Jesus, I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No, I was just surprised.”

“Why?”

“Because I was expecting you to say something about your own orgasm, not mine,” he laughed.

“Well I did like them, more than liked them,” he confessed. His conscious mind ruled by desire, Justin grasped Brian’s twitching cock and started to pump it.

“What else?”

“The second time, when we did the sixty-nine and you shot all over my face and hair, I loved that. But I loved the last time the best, holding your thighs down so you couldn’t control how I was sucking you, so you couldn’t pull your cock out of my mouth before you came. I loved feeling you throb in my mouth.”

Brian jerked upright, grabbed Justin under his arms and flipped them both over so Justin was squashed beneath him. “Was there anything you didn’t like? Be honest.”

“No, nothing,” Justin gasped. “It was exciting, all of it. So hot!”

Brian slid to the side and roughly pushed Justin’s legs up toward his chest. “You are so hot!”

A flash of fear went through Justin as his leg muscles strained and he saw the wild look in Brian’s eyes. But he trusted Brian and held his breath, waiting to see what the man had planned.

Brian’s hands parted Justin’s cheeks and he licked each one. “And now I’m going to feel how hot you are.”

“Oh God!” Justin yelled as Brian’s tongue poked inside of his hole without preamble. “I guess… we’re skipping ahead chapters.”

“Mmmhmmm,” Brian moaned.

Justin didn’t know if Brian was answering his question or voicing his pleasure, but he really didn’t care because Brian’s tongue was doing amazing things and that was enough to turn his mind to jelly.

 

~~~~~~

“Come on, wake up, Sunshine.” Brian shook Justin’s shoulder. “Get up.”

Justin whined, “I don’t wanna.”

Brian laughed. “Wake up and I’ll give you a rim job,” he taunted in between kisses along Justin’s chest.

Justin’s eyes popped open immediately and he gave Brian a sleepy smile. “Really?”

“Yup.” Brian stood up beside the bed and held his hand out. “In the shower. We’ve got to get clean first.”

Justin pouted and drew the covers over himself. “I’m tired.”

Brian pulled the duvet off, bent down and kissed Justin while palming his morning wood over the blanket. He stood back up and grinned deviously as Justin groaned at the loss of contact. “Get up and I’ll take care of you.”

Justin reluctantly sat up and climbed out of the bed to follow Brian into the bathroom where the shower was already on and steaming up the air. “Sex is hard work,” he said, his throat feeling a little scratchy. He supposed that’s what happened when you had a nine and a half inch cock down it. He wondered if the feeling would go away and if not if he would get used to it. He wanted to ask Brian, but felt too embarrassed to ask him and decided to ask Daphne instead.

Brian pulled Justin into the shower and kissed along Justin’s collar bone while moving him into the warm spray. “It’s hard work but worth it in the end.” He licked a stripe up Justin’s neck and settled a sucking kiss behind his ear, a place he’d learned drove Justin crazy.

“Ohhh,” Justin moaned and his knees weakened. “Don’t make me pass out again,” he warned. He wondered, not for the first time in the last twenty-four hours, if he’d be able to stick to his morals and not allow Brian to have sex with him until they were married. Not that he was sure he wanted to marry Brian, but he could almost imagine it.

Brian laughed, his lips now sucking on Justin’s stomach, he murmured against his wet skin, “Debbie would kill me if you busted your head open and I had to take you to the emergency room on your last day at the diner.”

Justin laughed half-heartedly. “Well, it wouldn’t be much different than the first day we met.”

 

~~~~~~

Michael breezed past Cynthia, who was gathering her things to leave, and entered Brian’s office. “Why are you avoiding everyone? Ma says she hasn’t seen you in a while, Lindsay said you stopped by to see Gus last Sunday, but no one has seen you since and you’re not answering any of our calls.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Chill out, Mikey. As you can see, I’m alive and well.”

Michael put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes, giving Brian an expression that was much like Debbie’s when she was about to weasel information out of him.

“What? Is there is something in particular that you wanted?”

“Ma said that Justin showed up on Sunday looking…what were her words? Oh yeah, ‘sublimely happy’.”

“I wasn’t aware your mother used adjectives that didn’t reference gay stereotypes,” Brian teased. He was actually surprised that Michael hadn’t shown up at Exhibition or his loft sooner.

Michael ignored that remark because he really couldn’t defend it. “The last time any of us saw you, you two were headed out of Babylon together. And Ma said you showed up at the diner Saturday morning looking for Justin.”

Brian pointed to one of the leather seats in front of his desk. “You might want to sit down for this.”

Michael’s face paled and he stumbled into the seat. “What’s going on?”

Brian leaned back and casually said, “Justin and I are official.”

“What?” Michael yelled.

Brian smirked. “Jeez, Mikey. Calm down, you’re gonna scare the employees.”

“Oh, shut up. Cynthia was leaving and no one else is here. So, tell me just what the fuck you are doing using the word ‘official’. What does that mean? Official fuck buddies? Official members of the NRA. What?”

Brian couldn’t help but grin smugly. “Official boyfriends,” he said smoothly. “Though I don’t really care for that term.”

Michael’s mouth hung open and his eyes got glassy.

“Close your mouth, Mikey. It shouldn’t be so shocking since you’re the one who pushed me into it.”

Michael grinned proudly. “Yeah, right. You don’t ever do anything unless you really want to do it. Jesus, Brian. I mean, I hoped for you two… but I didn’t think…”

“Didn’t think I’d have the balls to do it?” Brian asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Or didn’t think that Justin would want me?”

Michael was surprised that his friend asked a question that was so out of character. “Oh, I knew he wanted you, there was never any doubt about that. But I didn’t think you had the nerve to admit that you wanted him. That you wanted him even with his demands.”

“We’re working on that shit,” Brian said. He was determined to show Justin that the man could trust him and that he didn’t have to be married to lose his virginity. It would be a slow process, but Brian was sure that once Justin realized how good they could be, without a meaningless marriage binding them together, that would be enough for him. What he could possibly offer Justin in the future could be enough to sway his beliefs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, we, as in me and Justin, are working on it. Our relationship isn’t anyone’s business but ours. So, now that you’ve done your part, you can stay out of it. And when you go blabbing about us, make sure that the rest of the gang knows to do the same.”

“Holy shit! You said the word ‘relationship’ and the world didn’t cease to exist. Holy crap!”

Brian turned off the light on his desk, grabbed his keys and briefcase, and stood up. “Shut the fuck up, already.”

Michael followed Brian out of his office. “So, are you two going to Babylon tonight?”

“Not tonight,” Brian replied. Justin had called him on his lunch break at the gallery and told Brian that he’d been reading through ‘the book’ and had marked a half a dozen pages that he wanted to get through before the end of the weekend.

“Well, whatever you and Justin are doing, don’t forget about Ted’s birthday dinner at Ma’s on Sunday.”

Brian winced. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll be there.”

Michael batted his eyes. “You mean, you don’t have to check Justin’s schedule first? Oh, wait, you guys probably coordinate them…”

“Fuck you.” Brian playfully punched Michael’s arm and then shoved him out of Exhibition’s front door.

“Hey,” Michael protested. “I was going to say you coordinate them to maximize your opportunities for orgasm. You are still Brian Kinney, even if you do have a boyfriend.”

Brian glared at his friend. “Shut. Up.”

Michael’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute. You totally coordinate your schedules for real and it isn’t just so you two can engage in…whatever the fuck kind of sex you are engaging in?”

Brian turned a sweet smile on his friend. “So, you want a ride?”

Michael shook his head. “Nah. I’ve got the car. Besides, knowing you, you might just want to throw me out of your car and kill me to keep your secret.”

Brian shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

“See you Sunday, Brian,” Michael said, standing on his tip-toes to give Brian a kiss goodbye. He started walking away and called back, “So, are you and Justin going to buy Ted a gift together?”

“Fuck off!” Brian hollered back. The fact that they probably would, didn’t bother him as much as Michael’s know-it-all attitude did. “Some best friend you are!”

“Your best friend is Justin!” Michael turned to yell back.

Brian had no answer for Michael, because the statement had left him speechless. Michael had grown up and Brian hadn’t even realized it. Brian’s whole world was changing and he figured it was about damn time he did some growing up too.

 

~~~~~~~

“Fucking Daphne,” Justin bitched, shoving his phone into his pocket.

Brian looked over at Justin. “What’s she done now?”

“She’s found this fucking website with glass dildos and she’s ordered one for me,” Justin said, slumping into the car seat.

Brian laughed. “That’s my girl!”

“Oh, shut up. What would your reaction be if Lindsay started buying you dildos?”

“Uhh…” Brian shuddered. “That’s different. She’s a lesbian and has a lesbian’s eye for phalluses. Daphne, she appreciates cock.”

“Well, she’s going overboard. I never should have told her about the blindfold. Now she thinks I’m into all kinds of kinky shit.”

“A blindfold isn’t exactly kinky and neither is a dildo. Every gay boy should have one.”

“I know,” Justin said, his face flushing. “It’s just that…”

“What?” Brian asked, pulling the Jeep into a parking space in front of Debbie’s house.

“This is so not the time for me to tell you,” Justin said, adjusting his cock in his pants. “We’ll never make it inside if I do.”

Brian raised one eyebrow. “Really?”

“Well, actually, you may just think I’m an idiot so… let’s just forget this conversation now.”

“Oh, hell no,” Brian said. “As soon as we get back to the loft you are telling me.”

Justin turned an even darker shade of red. “Don’t make me.”

“I’ll give you time,” Brian said in a taunting voice. He reached over and cupped Justin’s dick. “But I’m not going to let you come until you tell me.”

“Jesus Christ!” Justin’s head rolled back. “Fuck! I’ll tell you now.”

Brian smiled and unzipped Justin’s pants. “Good boy.” He fished out Justin’s hard cock and stroked it.

Justin looked out of the car windows. “Brian, maybe we shouldn’t. Anyone could see us.”

“We’re late,” Brian said. “Everyone else is here.”

“Someone could walk by,” Justin said breathlessly.

“Tell me,” Brian said, his thumb digging into Justin’s piss slit. “Tell me.”

Justin put his hands over his face and mumbled something indiscernible.

Brian grabbed his hands. “Tell me so that I can hear you.”

Justin sighed. “I don’t want to use a dildo.”

Brian sprang back into his seat. “What? Why ever not?”

“Because, the first time I feel a cock inside of me… I want it to be real. I want it to be…” Justin was stopped from speaking the last word ‘yours’, as Brian moved and suddenly deep-throated him.

Brian quickly deep-throated Justin’s cock three times, pulled back to settle his cockhead in between his lips and sucked hard. He felt Justin’s dick pulse against his tongue, heard him let out a long deep groan as his hands gripped his hair and a second later come flowed into Brian’s mouth. He sucked on the head of Justin’s cock until Justin’s pelvis stopped bouncing around, licked his cock clean and tucked him back in his pants.

“I’m so sorry,” Justin said, horrified.

Brian shrugged and kissed Justin deep and slow before breaking for air. “No need to apologize, Sunshine. You did exactly what you were supposed to do,” he said, laughing.

Justin’s eyes widened. “Yeah, except... Brian, I didn’t give you any warning. Hell, you barely had my dick in your mouth before I shot. This is so embarrassing.”

“You have got to stop being embarrassed about sex and never apologize for getting off. You came so fast because I turn you on, right? Because talking about me being inside you one day, it made you ache.”

“Yeah, but...”

“Why wouldn’t I like that?” Brian asked curiously. “Why would you be embarrassed about wanting me and enjoying the feel of my mouth on you?”

“I guess when you put it like that, it doesn’t seem so bad. But I should’ve at least warned you,” Justin insisted.

“Remember what you said the other day about feeling me throb right before I came? That’s what you do too only that’s not what tells me you’re about to come.”

Justin licked his lips and asked, “What is it?”

Brian placed two fingers on Justin’s mouth. “You make this groaning noise that’s totally different from any other sound that comes out of your mouth, every time, right before.”

“A groaning sound?” Justin wasn’t sure he liked that he groaned weird.

“Yeah, you can’t control it and don’t you dare start holding it back.” Brian pinned him with a serious look. “Promise?”

“Okay,” Justin said, but still knew he would be self conscious the next time he came. “Promise.”

“Now that you’re sated for now, before we go inside I want you to tell me why dildos are out of the question.”

“What? I told you already.”

“But why? Why is that important to you?” He didn’t understand it.

“I... I guess it’s just that I want the whole experience, you know? When I lose my virginity, I want the sensation to be completely new.”

“A real cock and a dildo are two completely different sensations,” Brian assured.

“I’m sure, which is why, when I have something inside of me for the first time, I don’t want it to be fake.”

Brian sighed in defeat when he saw the firm look Justin was giving him. There would be no budging on this, he could tell. He mentally crossed off the long list of toys he’d hoped to introduce Justin to. “You know you might enjoy your first time more if you were more familiar with being entered.”

Justin squirmed. “Brian, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I’m just stating facts here. It’ll hurt, no matter how careful the man you’re with is. It hurts just a little bit every time, that’s one of the reasons men wear butt plugs.”

Justin flushed. “Brian, I am not ever wearing one of those.”

Brian refrained from rolling his eyes. He knew that whether Justin was with him in the future or not, after he lost his virginity, he’d be even more adventurous than he already was. “Whatever, that’s not my point. I just... I don’t want you to feel any more pain than you have to and if you let me use some toys on you, you’d be much more comfortable the first time.”

Justin shook his head. “I appreciate you saying that, but it’s my decision. I’m sure you or whoever the man may be,” though Justin couldn’t imagine it being anyone but Brian, “he’ll make me feel so good that the pain becomes secondary.”

A knock on Justin’s window startled them and cut off any further conversation about that topic.

Michael stood outside the car waving. “Ma sent me out to get you two!” he yelled.

“We’re coming!” Brian yelled back and watched Michael retreat.

“Oh my God! They know what we were doing in here. Everyone is going to know what we’ve been doing because you’re with me and you wouldn’t be with me if I didn’t put out,” Justin said, moaning.

Brian was startled by Justin’s statement. “What?”

Justin realized what he said sounded really shitty. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just... it’s just that everyone knows you love sex and they’ll be thinking we had sex. They’re going to know. They’re going to know what we did and they’re going to look at me and they’re going to wonder what we did and...”

Brian laughed and covered Justin’s blubbering mouth with his own and kissed him until Justin relaxed. He held Justin’s eyes with his own and said, “Fuck what anyone thinks but me and you.” He pecked him on the lips and gripped his shoulders. “Understand?”

“Yeah,” Justin spoke breathlessly and smiled. “Yeah,” he repeated in a determined voice.

 

~~~~~~

Michael walked out on the back porch and found Brian and Justin beside one another smoking. “You know, Justin, with all your allergies I’m surprised you can do that.”

“Me too. It was quite a risk the first time. I’m an idiot.” Justin shrugged and flicked the end of the cigarette into a bucket of sand. Something about the way Michael was looking at Brian made him realize that the man wanted to speak to him alone. He kissed Brian’s cheek. “I’m going to go color with Gus.”

Brian swatted his ass as he turned toward the house and stared after him until he disappeared behind the door. “So, what’s up, Mikey? You’re not going to join the party inside and start giggling about me and Justin, are you?”

“No,” Michael said and grabbed Brian’s lit cigarette from him. He took a deep drag and then said, “I wish this was weed.”

Brian took the smoke back. “You wanting to get high means you don’t want to talk about Ben’s rimming technique.”

Michael laughed. “No, not today.”

“Sooo?” Brian prompted, sounding annoyed, but he was truthfully a little worried.

“Have you told Justin about what Lindsay and Mel asked you last Sunday?”

Brian glared. “What the fuck? They come whining to you about my refusal, to see if you could convince me?”

“Not exactly,” Michael muttered. “I get why you don’t want to do it. Too many changes in your life right now.”

“And, I have a kid,” Brian added, “one is enough. One is more than I wanted.”

“But you want him now, you didn’t know you wanted to be a father until you were one,” Michael said.

Brian shrugged. “Well it didn’t happen that fast, but yeah, something like that.”

“Well, I guess I don’t think I want to be one either. I mean, Hunter… he’s a lot of responsibility and he’s a teenager. I don’t know what the fuck I’d do with a baby.”

“Whoa. Did the lesbians ask you to be the donor?” Brian asked loudly.

“Shh!” Michael hissed. “The last thing I want is for my mom to find out. God, she’d probably sneak into my house and steel a condom full of my jizz to give to the girls.”

Brian laughed. “Michael, when have you ever filled a condom?”

“Shut up, I can top too. And, as you know, Ben does bottom on occasion.”

Brian nodded. “So? You turn them down?”

“I talked to Ben about it and he agrees with me about the responsibility and how a baby really doesn’t fit into our lives. You know?”

“Michael, what do you want?”

“I don’t know. After seeing the way they were about Gus’ rights and how you practically had to go to court to keep them, that was a big mess I don’t want to go through.”

“That’s one of the reasons I told them I wouldn’t do it.”

“Well, they told me that things have worked out for the better with you and Gus and they know that now. So they say they’d do the same thing for me. They’re not the same people they were then, no one is.”

Brian nodded, wondering how many times in the last month people had acknowledged how much he changed and he wondered if he truly had. “So, you want to do it?”

“I want to say yes but I think that might be because I want to say yes for them and for my mom. But then I think, she has Hunter, and she spoils him like she would a grandchild; and Gus, he’s like her own too, you know?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Ben and I, we’re just getting by with our bills. We spent all our savings on fixing up the house and there’s still a lot of shit that needs to be done. When we bought it last year the inspection guy told us the roof would only last a year or two more and that it could cost us ten grand to get it done. But we figured we could save that by then. But with Hunter going to college next year…”

“Doesn’t he get free tuition at Carnegie since Ben works there?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, he would, except he doesn’t want to go to Carnegie. He wants to go out of state, to U MASS with Delilah. They might not even be together by then, but he still might want to go there. He’s worked his ass off at school and he’s made so much progress. He even says he’s going to apply to Harvard just for the hell of it. So what if he gets in? It’s not like we could tell him not go. We’d have to find the money to allow for that to happen.”

“Mikey,” Brian said softly, “you don’t have to convince me of your reasons for not wanting to father a kid. It’s okay to say no.”

“I know they’d tell me that I wouldn’t have to financially support the kid if I told them all that. But I don’t want to just be a sperm donor and have the privileges of being a dad to a child I couldn’t at least help with financially. It wouldn’t be right.”

“And if you had the money?” Brian asked.

“I still don’t know if I’d say yes,” Michael admitted. “Ben and I have been talking about letting Hunter run the shop for us before he starts school and spending a month next summer in Tibet. If there was a baby around or on the way, I wouldn’t want to be away like that.”

“Michael,” Brian said firmly, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder and looking him square in the eyes, “you don’t want to do it.”

“I don’t want to disappoint the girls,” Michael said softly.

Brian brought Michael into a tight hug. “Join the club.”

 

~~~~~~

Brian came back inside to find Justin helping Lindsay with the dishes. “I thought you were going to color with Gus,” he said, wrapping his arms around him from behind.

“Gus fell asleep while you two were out smoking,” Lindsay replied for Justin.

Brian nuzzled Justin’s neck. “Hurry up with those dishes.”

Lindsay slapped Brian away, leaving a wet handprint on his shirt. “You could help, you know.”

Brian backed away. “I think I’ll leave that to the ladies.”

“Fuck you,” Justin grumbled.

Lindsay smiled at Justin. “It’s nice to see Brian so happy,” she said once the man had left the room.

“So you’ve said,” Justin replied. He and Brian had barely made it through the door before their friends had bombarded them with everything between questions about their sex life to taunts about Brian Kinney finally taking the plunge.

Justin looked over his shoulder and saw Brian demanding to shuffle the deck of playing cards, saying that he’d played with the group of cheaters far too many times to know that they liked to hide the aces. “I didn’t picture Brian as a card player.”

“It used to be the ending to every night we’d get together for dinner here. Debbie’s a genius at poker.”

“Used to be?” Justin asked.

“We all stopped playing when Brian got cancer. During his chemo treatments he wasn’t able to stay awake long enough to play. It was the only day any of us got to see him during all that, unless he was well enough to see Gus. Then he’d call me out of the blue and demand that I bring him over right away and usually we’d end up leaving shortly after because he’d start to feel sick again.”

“How did he get to his treatments if he didn’t see any of you guys? He didn’t drive himself, did he?”

“He hired a driver to take him and worked from home. But Debbie would show up at his loft every Sunday and try to drag him over here if she thought he was well enough to come. There were quite a few times that he wasn’t. Michael and Ben would leave here early, always pretending like they had to get back early because Hunter had school. But really it was because he’d be falling asleep by seven o’clock.”

“He didn’t let any of you take care of him?” Justin asked sadly.

Lindsay had finished rinsing the last dish, but kept the water running to cover their voices. “He was too proud of his image, you know? It’s like… he didn’t want any of us to see him weak. And we all knew that, so we tried to ignore the big elephant in the room, which wasn’t easy, but it’s what he wanted. It was what he needed.”

Justin’s heart physically ached for Brian. “How did Debbie get him to come on Sundays if he was so against you guys seeing him?”

“I don’t exactly know,” Lindsay admitted. “I think Brian probably saved all his energy for those days, because he’d always look a thousand times better than he did when I’d stop by with Gus.”

Justin dried his hands on a washcloth and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I hate that he was alone.”

Lindsay turned off the water and placed a comforting hand on Justin’s arm. “He isn’t anymore. And, contrary to what it might have seemed like when you two walked in here and we were grilling you both… we’re damn glad he isn’t. We might tease him about it, but Justin, it really is about damn time Brian accepted love into his life.”

Justin turned toward the living room and looked at the group sitting at the table. Some of them were laughing and some of them were bitching at Brian while moaning about losing. Brian was smiling deviously at all of them as he grabbed the poker chips from the center of the table and slid them toward himself. And as Justin glanced at each person’s face, their attention on Brian, he told Lindsay in a near whisper, “I think he did that before I came along.”

Lindsay shook her head. “But yours, Justin, that’s something for him alone and Brian wouldn’t have even thought it was possible for him until you came along.”

Justin wanted desperately for Lindsay to be right, but he couldn’t allow anyone’s hopes get in the way of reality. “I’d like to think you’re right, Lindsay, but this is only the beginning.”

“I know,” Lindsay conceded, “but it’s what it’s the beginning of that really matters.”

Brian must have felt their eyes on him, because he looked up from stacking his poker chips and smiled sweetly at them both. But then his eyes locked with Justin’s and he gave him a smile of another kind, a promise… and Justin’s stomach flip-flopped. He was in deep with the man. It was terrifying. Because he wanted Lindsay to be right, that what she had hinted at could be possible. He wanted it to be the beginning of forever and that sappy thought would most likely taunt him for a long time coming.
 

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