Credence
 

Chapter Twelve: “International You Day”
 

 I'm sorry that it took so long to write this song
But I gave up
You see one million words can't describe how it feels to know your love
Where did I go wrong?
I should have told you from the start, that I'm closer than you think when we're apart
Nothing that I've tried is as simple as this line
But without you, my life is incomplete
My days are absolutely gray
And so I'll try
Let your heart know for sure that I have so much more to tell you every single day
I swear I'm giving up my insides to the one that I adore
I know this world is big enough for you and I, but I'll give you more

~ Selected lyrics taken from International You Day written by Tony Sly
 

*****

January

Justin jumped off the diving board and into the indoor pool; his form so perfect there was only a small splash from entering the water.

“He’s great, isn’t he?” Brian asked proudly.

Daphne and Trent shared a look of amusement with one another before nodding in agreement. Daphne smiled as she looked at Brian’s face and saw the easy smile. To her knowledge, Brian had never smiled so much as he had in the last month. Sure, Brian would flash predatory, satisfied smiles or paste on a fake one or a smug grin, depending on the situation. The smile he had on his face now, Daphne had never seen before. Justin, who smiled quite often, also had a brighter one lately. They were in love, that’s all there was to it.

“He swims like he paints,” Brian continued his appraisal of Justin’s swimming abilities.

“How so?” Trent asked curiously, sipping his beer to hide his amused smile.

Brian waved his hand and rolled his eyes, dismissing the question that was impossible to articulate. He stood up from his chair, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. “I’ve got some work to do, have fun with the rest of your play date.” Brian walked to the edge of the pool and bent down to engage in a heavy make out session before rising and watching Justin swim a lap. As he left, the towel around his hips did nothing to conceal his boner.

“He’s huge,” Trent whispered as Brian left.

“I know,” Daphne said, amazed. “Justin is one lucky boy.”

“Yeah, but he’s a virgin,” Trent said, wincing.

Daphne shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll be gentle with Justin.”

“Yeah, it’s not like they haven’t been preparing with all the outercourse and oral they probably do.”

“I feel kind of bad talking about this when he’s right there,” Daphne said. “Come on, we shouldn’t be letting Justin swim alone.”

Trent looked down at his cell phone reluctantly. “Just let me tell Clark I’ll be swimming,” he said.

“He knows you’re swimming,” Daphne said, rolling her eyes. “That’s the whole reason we came here.”

“I know,” Trent said, grinning. He couldn’t help it, he was in love. Trent quickly texted Clark and told him that he’d be unavailable due to cell phones and swimming pools being incompatible and joined Daphne and Justin in the pool.

“You have it so bad,” Justin said.

“Like you don’t?” Daphne asked teasingly.

“Oh, I know I do,” Justin admitted.

“And what about you?” Trent asked Daphne.

“Sam and I are taking things slowly,” she said.

Justin shook his head. “You are not taking things slow.”

“Compared to you and Brian, we are,” Daphne told him.

“You can’t be serious,” Justin said, shocked, “we are the definition of ‘taking it slow’, come on!”

“Well you’ve moved in together,” Trent told him.

“After being together for five months and knowing one another for like nine months or something,” Justin defended.

“So tell us,” Trent said, “when did you really know he was the one? Was it really love at first sight? Because you denied you wanted him for a while and I was sure you did.”

“Badly,” Daphne added.

“How is it that you met from here?” Trent asked. “I mean… I know it was the day you had that really bad reaction to mustard but I don’t think you ever actually told me how it came about that you became friends with him.”

“Let’s go use the hot tub,” Justin said. “I’m getting tired of treading water and if we’re not actually going to swim I’d rather relax while we talk about this.”

“Sounds good to me,” Trent said.

“And no you cannot grab your cell phone,” Daphne joked when she saw Trent eye the table where his lay.

Once the three friends got into the hot tub Justin told Trent about the day at the diner when Brian saved his life.

Trent shook his head and asked, “So you fell in love with him when he rammed the EpiPen into your thigh?”

“No way,” Justin laughed.

“So when was it?” Daphne asked.

“There’s a lot of things that made me fall for Brian, but there is one thing in particular that, I guess, made me realize it, even though I did deny it at the time.”

“The time you used him as a model for your last project at PIFA?” Daphne guessed.

“No,” Justin said, “it was before that. The night we went to go see A Streetcar Named Desire was when I fell in love with him. It was one of the best nights of my life. Before we went in, he gave me this sweater that he bought for me because he’d noticed I’d been cold in the theater the night before.”

“A six hundred and fifty dollar sweater,” Daphne elaborated.

“Holy shit!” Trent exclaimed.

Justin grinned. “He tried saying it was on sale but the salesperson who put it in the box left the tag on it.”

“It was the thought that counted,” Trent said, laughing.

“It was,” Justin said, “but there’s more. After we came out of the movie theater, it had rained and the street was lit up with all these colors from lights of the shops hitting the water. I got this incredible urge to draw but I couldn’t. I told Brian how beautiful I thought it was, he sort of made fun of me for it because the area was kind of slummy. I told him I wished I could set up an easel to paint it but settled on taking a picture with my cell phone. But the picture sucked and that’s when Brian got his really nice camera out of the glove box so I could take some pictures to paint from. And then we took a picture together and I just felt so fucking happy to be with him, you know? I felt like I’d seen a side of Brian that no one else ever had and I wanted so badly for him to see himself like I did. I felt him looking at me the whole ride back to my house, but he didn’t make a move or say a word. I felt like something big had changed between us and I knew he felt it too and it scared the shit out of me. Probably scared him too.”

“That’s when you knew?” Daphne asked.

“That was when I knew I fell in love with him,” Justin said. “But even what I felt then… doesn’t compare to what I feel now.”

“I think I know what you mean,” Trent said. “I know Clark and I haven’t been together for very long but I feel… Shit, I can’t describe it. I just know that I want to keep feeling like this.”

“So you think Clark is ‘the one’?” Justin asked.

“I do,” Trent admitted, blushing. “What about you, Daphne? Do you think Sam is the one?”

“I love him,” Daphne said, “but I guess I still don’t know. I mean, I know I want to be with him, but do I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I don’t know yet.”

“Well, we all know you want to spend the rest of your life with Brian,” Trent said.

Daphne nodded. “And I think it’s obvious that Brian wants to spend the rest of his life with you, Justin.”

“You think it’s obvious?” Justin asked, unsure.

“Yes,” Daphne and Trent spoke in unison.

“I don’t know. We just got back together and…”

“So what,” Daphne interrupted. “You two picked up right where you left off…”

“Further than where you left off,” Trent interrupted. “He’s moved in with you here and you two are so insanely happy together.”

“We are, but I honestly have no idea how Brian really feels about marriage.”

“But you want to marry him, don’t you?” Trent asked.

“Yeah,” Justin admitted. “But a few weeks ago, when he brought it up, he was all weird about it.”

“Wait a minute,” Daphne said, “Brian brought up the subject?”

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s a huge fucking step, right? He actually brought up marriage with you.”

“Well, we were at Michael and Ben’s wedding,” Justin said.

“He talked about marriage with you while you were at Michael and Ben’s wedding?” Trent asked for clarification. “Don’t tell me you caught the bouquet.”

Justin laughed. “There was no bouquet.”

“So what exactly did he say?” Daphne asked.

“He asked what I wanted for my wedding, like how it would look.”

“Oh my god!” Daphne guessed.

“So he was thinking about marrying you,” Trent assessed.

“Not exactly,” Justin said. “He was just curious, I think. And then he said something about how….” A light bulb went off in Justin’s brain and he realized what he was about to say and it sounded a lot different in his head now than it had then.

“What?” Daphne prompted.

Justin felt like the biggest idiot in the world. “Brian asked me to ask him to marry him,” he whispered.

“What!” Daphne yelled. “You’re just telling us this now!”

“I didn’t realize…” Justin said, breathless.

“How… what… shit, Justin!” Trent could barely speak. “Tell us exactly what was said!”

Justin was about to relay the conversation, but thought better of it. It was too personal, something he wanted to cherish and now that he was pretty certain of what it meant, how much it meant to him and Brian, he couldn’t bring himself to share the details. “I can’t,” Justin said finally. “But I think… no, I know that he wants me to ask him. Holy shit! What do I do?” Justin asked, completely overwhelmed.

Daphne stared at Justin. “If you’re so sure that he wants you to then I think what you’re supposed to do is ask him.”

“But when?”

“How should we know?” Trent asked. “You’re the one he loves. How would he like to be asked?”

“Not in some cliché romantic way,” Justin said.

“No, definitely not,” Daphne agreed.

“Well… if you’re not going to make a big romantic proposal, maybe you should just relax and let the time come whenever you feel like it’s right,” Trent suggested.

“Okay,” Justin sighed. “I can do that.”

“Yeah, you can,” Daphne encouraged.

“And you should probably stop freaking out about it if you can, because your show is tomorrow and you need to focus on that.”

“You’re right,” Justin said taking deep breaths. “Concentrating on my show only.”

Trent laughed. “Or we can talk about me asking Clark to move in with me to get your mind off that too?”

“That sounds perfect,” Justin said. “So, you think you’re ready for that?”

“I think so,” Trent said, grinning. “I hate waking up without him.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Justin said.

 

*****
 

Lindsay beamed with excitement as she led Ryan Whitmore over to Justin, interrupting the quiet moment between Brian and Justin. “Excuse me, Justin, I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

The man with Lindsay was gorgeous and if Brian’s gaydar was correct, which it always was, the man was also gay and his eyes were solely fixed on Justin.

“Okay.” Justin smiled at the handsome man holding Lindsay’s arm and then waited for his friend to introduce him. Since the show opening days ago, he’d already met so many people he was having a hard time remembering any of their names. None of them had been as gorgeous as this guy though and likely he’d remember him because of it.

“This is Ryan Whitmore,” Lindsay said and unlinked her arm from Ryan’s to rest her hand on Justin’s shoulder. “Ryan, this is our artist and Bloom Gallery’s collection manager, Justin Taylor.”

“Nice to meet you,” Justin said graciously and supplied his hand for Ryan to shake.

Ryan took Justin’s hand in both of his for a moment and said emphatically, “Good to meet you too, Justin. I’m very enamored with your work.”

“Thank you,” Justin said. For the first time since the show’s opening, besides his family and friends, he believed the praise was genuinely spoken from the heart and not from a pretentious art collector’s wallet.

If he weren’t with Justin, Brian would’ve dragged Ryan to the bathroom and fucked him in one of the stalls without any introduction at all. But he was with Justin and the guy hadn’t taken his eyes off his partner or even acknowledged his presence. So Brian changed his mind quickly and decided that even if he were free, he wouldn’t give the guy the pleasure of getting the best fuck of his life. Or maybe he had already fucked him and had forgotten it because, the longer Brian looked him over, the more it seemed like there was something very familiar about Ryan Whitmore.

“And this is his partner, Brian Kinney,” Lindsay said, noticing the glare Brian gave her. She was quick to introduce him too.

“I know; we’ve met. You’re the owner of Exhibition,” Ryan said, offering his hand to Brian.

Brian pretended a casual grin and offered his hand as well. “Yes.”

“You must be very proud of your partner,” Ryan said, dropping Brian’s hand after a quick shake.

“Yes, Justin is extremely talented,” Brian said proudly.

“You two know one another?” Justin asked.

“I used to write features for the business section of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette,” Ryan explained. He gave Brian a quirky grin, “I interviewed you shortly after you won the CLIO the year you opened Exhibition. Now I write for the Arts & Leisure section.” His eyes landed on Justin once again. “Justin, if you’re willing, Lindsay said we could make use of her office for a quick interview and then I’d like to take a few photos of you in front of your work.”

Brian had to fight to keep the grin off his face as he recalled the reporter. The Ryan Whitmore standing before him barely resembled the one who had been drooling over him during the interview. Then, Ryan had looked every bit of a harried, dorky reporter and Brian had completely played him during the interview. Ryan had come on to him when they finished and Brian had told him that he didn’t mix business with pleasure. After the article was published in the Post-Gazette, Ryan had found him in Babylon and came on to him, stating that they no longer had a business relationship so they could move on to a purely pleasurable one. Brian remembered that he turned Ryan down, rather harshly.

“Of course,” Justin said in a cautious tone. Brian’s arm had tightened noticeably around his waist when Ryan made the offer. Justin wondered why Brian kept such a firm hold on him and quickly realized it was because Brian was jealous! He turned toward Brian and gave him a loving reassuring kiss. “I’ll be back in a few and then we can head out.”

Brian nodded and forced himself to say, “Take your time.”

When Justin and Ryan had walked far enough away from them Lindsay asked, “Did you fuck him?”

Brian scowled. “I think Justin made it clear that what happens between us is none of…”

“I mean Ryan Whitmore,” Lindsay said. “I saw the look on your face when he asked to interview Justin. You looked like you’d swallowed a…” she laughed and joked, “well you look like you’d swallowed.”

“I have no problem with swallowing and I certainly didn’t make any face when he said he wanted to interview Justin.”

“Yes, you did,” Lindsay insisted. “So, you fucked him and that’s what your problem is with him?”

“I most definitely didn’t fuck Ryan Whitmore,” Brian said, “that’s the problem.”

“He turned you down?” Lindsay asked.

“No, it’s the other way around,” Brian said.

“Why?” Lindsay asked, completely shocked. “Wait… was it while you were being treated?”

“No,” Brian said, though it wasn’t that long after, if memory served correctly. “I didn’t want to fuck him.”

“But he’s gorgeous,” Lindsay said, confused.

“He wasn’t back then,” Brian said. “I didn’t even recognize him at first. Picture some greasy-haired, overweight, pimply-faced, unconfident guy using some cheesy pick-up line to come on to me and imagine my reaction.”

“Oh… ooooh! I see. You’re worried that he’s going to hit on Justin as some kind of revenge for you being such an asshole to him.”

“No, I’m worried that he’s going to give Justin a bad review as some kind of revenge.”

“Please,” Lindsay said, “Ryan is very respected in the art community, he wouldn’t do that. Besides, he was being truthful when he said he liked Justin’s work and you saw the way he looked at him. I doubt he’d…”

“What do you mean ‘the way he looked at him?” Brian asked. Of course he’d noticed it, but he didn’t want to admit how much it bothered him. Whenever they went dancing at Babylon, they were on his turf and he had yet to deal with any men hitting on Justin there. They looked of course, but they weren’t stupid enough to try to get him alone. Ryan had a perfectly good reason to get Justin alone. And though Brian completely trusted Justin, he didn’t like that Ryan could damage Justin’s career if Justin turned him down too.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Lindsay said. She put her hand on Brian’s arm comfortingly and whispered, “But don’t worry, Ryan isn’t a pretentious prick like a lot of the art critics that have interviewed Justin so far. He’s a really decent guy and he has a partner. Though I do think they have an open relationship. So, at worst, he’ll hit on Justin and...”

“And Justin would turn him down if he did,” Brian said adamantly.

“Of course,” Lindsay said. “Ryan would accept that, believe me. There’s nothing to worry about. He’s interviewed all of our featured artists in the last two year and he’s always been very thoughtful and truthful in his articles. Justin will be just fine with him.”

“I’m sure he will be,” Brian said. He’d reserve judgment of Ryan Whitmore until after the article was printed. “So, how are the sales?” he asked, changing topics so that he wouldn’t be thinking about what was going on in Lindsay’s office.

“Sales are great,” Lindsay told him. “He’s sold all but two of the smaller canvases and the painting he did of himself for you has been the talk of the show. Do you know that last night a collector offered him ten grand for it?”

“Are you serious?” Brian asked. The painting was priceless to him but he hated that Justin would be missing out on such a huge sale that might boost the price of his future paintings.

“Yes. The gentleman settled with buying two other paintings, but he really wanted that one. You’re very lucky to own it.”

It occurred to Brian how Lindsay had described ‘Risqué Safety’. “Did Justin tell you that it was him in the painting?” Today was the last day of the show and with each one that passed, Justin had mentioned how relieved he was that no one had guessed who the model was in the painting.

“Oh, I guess I shouldn’t let on that I know and I don’t think a single admirer has figured it out. I noticed because he blushes every single time someone compliments the model he used and because of how uncertain he was about showing it. You replaced the ugly naked guy with what I bet you think is the most beautiful guy in the world.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

Lindsay laughed. “Oh, I think you would. No wonder you’re so jealous of Ryan Whitmore. Justin is smart, talented, and sweet and he’s gorgeous.”

“You don’t have to sell me on Justin,” Brian said.

“No, I suppose he did that a long time ago, without even knowing what he was doing.”

“And on that lesbian note, I’m going to get a drink.” Brian walked over to a waiter and grabbed a glass of wine from his tray, all the while trying to stop his mind from coming up with the dozens of other flattering words that could describe Justin.

 

*****
 

“Brian’s fortunate to own something so beautiful,” Ryan said softly, looking from the panel painting and back to Justin.

During the interview, Ryan had been very professional, though Justin definitely sensed the desire for him that the reporter did little to hide. “Brian will always have first choice.”

Ryan cocked his head to the side and asked, “Why is that? Shouldn’t you decide what you want first?”

Justin realized they were obviously not only talking about art so he decided it was time to make something clear. “Brian doesn’t own me or make any decisions for me. If I give him first choice of my paintings it’s because he’s the one who has inspired most of them. I paint for myself first and he comes second.”

“Tell me,” Ryan said in a rough tone, “are the rumors true? Has he really given up tricking for you or are the two of you just discreet?”

“That’s none of your business,” Justin said, growing annoyed.

Ryan leaned closer to Justin and said, “It is if I want to fuck you.”

Justin laughed and pushed at Ryan’s chest, making the man take two steps back. “That’s not going to happen.”

Ryan sighed. “So you two don’t mess around?”

“I don’t mix business with pleasure,” Justin said.

Ryan laughed uproariously but covered his mouth and calmed down when he noticed the few people left in the gallery had turned to stare at him. “I’m sorry,” Ryan said, “it’s just… oh, you two are really made for one another, aren’t you?” He waved his hand. “No, don’t answer. Really, this was fun.”

Justin scowled. “Did Brian fuck you?” he asked.

“No, no he didn’t,” Ryan said, grinning widely. He offered his hand to Justin, “It was good to meet you, Justin Taylor. I look forward to seeing your career flourish.”

Justin slowly grasped Ryan’s hand and shook it, knowing he was missing something he’d have to have Brian explain to him. “It was interesting meeting you,” he said cordially and dropped the man’s hand.

“Uh-huh,” Ryan replied, hefting his camera strap up on his shoulder. “I bet it was.”

Justin watched Ryan walk away, trying to understand what exactly had made Ryan suddenly stop hitting on him and act so strangely.

“How’d it go?” Brian asked, walking up behind Justin and draping his arms over his shoulders.

“All right, I guess,” Justin said.

“You guess?” Brian prompted. He didn’t want to outright ask if Ryan had hit on Justin. He didn’t want to sound like a jealous lover, because he wasn’t, but no doubt Justin would think he was.

Justin leaned back against Brian and nodded. “It was just like every other interview I’ve had, except Ryan personally likes my work. He wasn’t told to like or not like it by the magazine or paper he works for.”

Brian turned Justin around so he could read his expression and was glad to see that he looked calm and happy. “Lindsay said we can go whenever you’re ready.”

Justin looked around the gallery and felt sad as he realized this was the last time all of the pieces would be hanging together. This was his first solo show; there would only ever be one first and he was reluctant to leave. “Do you mind if we take a look around again?”

The gallery was closing in fifteen minutes but Brian was sure Lindsay and Sydney would have no problem with them staying as long as they wanted. “The gallery has been so busy every time I’ve been here. If it’s not Lindsay and Sydney taking you away to do interviews and mingle with art collectors, our friends and family are here mooning over you. I think I’d like a little time alone with you and your art.”

“To properly critique it now that it’s all hung?” Justin asked, linking his fingers with Brian’s as they walked toward the first piece in the series.

“To moon over you as you realize just how amazing your work is… and later maybe I’ll moon over how properly hung you are.”

Justin’s heart swelled and he stood on his tiptoes to kiss Brian’s cheek. “That was probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Brian looked thoughtful. “I’m sure I’ve complimented your cock countless times.”

Justin laughed loudly, his giggles echoing around the nearly empty gallery. “I love you too, Brian,” he said easily and stopped in front of the panel painting.

Brian looked down at Justin and then back up to the painting he’d made just for him and then back down at Justin’s face and he felt like he’d swallowed a huge bubble of air and yet his lungs were constricting and he realized he was feeling desperate, desperate to so easily say the words like Justin had.

“Ryan Whitmore knows this is me,” Justin said, his tone even. He squeezed Brian’s hand a little tighter and shrugged his shoulders. “He’s probably going to write about it and tell the whole world that it’s me.”

Brian’s body settled a little before his protective instincts took control. “Did you tell him it was you?”

“No, but he knows and you know what?”

“Huh?”

Justin looked up at Brian and smiled as he walked over to the next painting. “I don’t care. So what if people figure out that I gave you a painting of me naked? So what if whoever sees the pictures knows. It’s only paint; you’re the only one who’ll ever really see me completely laid bare.”

“Me too,” Brian said, knowing that with Justin he felt more vulnerable than he ever had in life.

Those two words were possibly more important than ‘I love you’ to Justin and he couldn’t let them be spoken without saying something back to Brian. He looked up at him and he knew that this was it. He stepped close to Brian and put his hands on his waist and looked up into his eyes. “Brian?”

“Hmm?”

“Brian Kinney, I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”

Brian let out a puff of breath that he thought would be a laugh, but instead the truth of what he wanted, prompted by Justin’s proposal came forth, “Yes.”

 

*****
 

After accepting Justin’s proposal, Brian practically dragged Justin out of the gallery and to the Jeep. He didn’t even ask Justin where he wanted to spend the night because he was desperate to be free of his constricting clothing and be naked with Justin. They disrobed on the elevator ride up, throwing their clothes off the moment they were inside the loft and slamming the door closed in a rush of excitement.

Brian felt a new kind of liberty pouring out of him. It transferred to Justin, only to be given back to him and then mutually shared. Brian spooned Justin, lubed his inner thighs and slid his dick between them, thrusting gently as they both manipulated Justin’s cock with their hands. They kissed hungrily but the lovemaking was slow and quiet. After coming together once, Brian moved Justin onto his back and slid his wet cock against Justin’s, smearing their come around on their bellies and dicks until they were both hard and ready for another orgasm. Justin was loud and eager this time, his legs tightly wrapped around Brian’s waist, hands gliding smoothly up and down Brian’s back, tracing the well defined muscles before moving around to caress his chest and nipples. Brian waited for Justin to come first, wanting to see his lover in the throes of ecstasy, memorizing his beauty and then allowing his own body to reach orgasm minutes later.

Brian fell to the side of Justin and kissed his cheek. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Justin cocked his head to the side, held Brian’s eyes and drew his fingers through their come before licking it off them. He grinned deviously. “Mmmm.”

Not one to be outdone, Brian wiped at the come on his abs and licked it off his fingers, making a slow show of it. “Tastes delicious.”

Justin curled up against Brian, placing his head on his chest and his arm around his middle. “There’s so many things I look forward to, but mostly, I just want to know what it’s like.”

Brian played with Justin’s hair and told him, “It’ll be amazing. So, when do you want to do it?”

“When do you want to do it?” Justin asked, laughing. “Not that we have to wait until we’re married. Knowing you want to marry me is more than enough of a promise to me, Brian.”

“We’ve waited a long time,” Brian said. “I think we can wait until we get tested, get the results and get married then.”

“So soon?” Justin asked, shocked.

“Are you ready?”

Justin pecked Brian’s lips. “Absolutely. I have to get my blood drawn and have another skin allergy test on Tuesday. I can have my doctor test me then.”

“I’ve got a check-up Wednesday and will get tested then. My appointment is pretty routine for me,” Brian said, playing with Justin’s hair. “It’ll be two years since my last treatment.”

Justin had never asked Brian for many details about the time he had cancer. He was curious about it, but he knew that Brian didn’t like to think or talk about it. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”

“It will be,” Brian said softly. “I worry about Gus. Before the cancer, I worried mostly about what I’d pass on to him... didn’t want to ever have the chance to pass on the asshole gene. But then, after I got cancer, I started worrying about passing on that.”

“You’re a good man,” Justin said. “I never knew your father, but from what you’ve said about him, I know you’re a better father than he ever was and you aren’t like him so you couldn’t have ever passed on any asshole gene. It wasn’t passed on to you.”

“I was different before,” Brian admitted. “I know I’m not that man anymore, but I tried so hard to not let my childhood affect me that I became more like Jack and Joan Kinney than you’ll ever know.”

“If that’s true, which I don’t think it is, but if so, it’s in the past now and what matters is that you show Gus how to be a real man and a good father.”

“I’m not ever going to have another child,” Brian said. “I know I told you that you shouldn’t limit what you want from life because of your allergies, but cancer is different. Gus was already born before I even realized how at-risk he is.”

Justin nodded. “I know it’s different and I accept that. But maybe you can just share Gus with me, would you do that?”

“Gus loves you,” Brian told him. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

“So,” Justin said, resuming their previous conversation, “how long do you think we need to plan a wedding?”

“It depends on what you want,” Brian said.

“I wasn’t kidding; I just want you and some golden gardenias.”

“And an officiant,” Brian said, “and the whole fucking gang.”

“Can’t we just go up to Vermont and elope?” Justin asked.

“I’m all for that,” Brian said, “except Gus would be really sad if he missed our wedding.”

“Maybe we could just take him,” Justin said. “It wouldn’t seem odd to take off on a ski trip. It is winter.”

“Are you serious?” Brian asked. “Would you really get married in another state away from everyone?”

“I want to, but I guess our family would all be really disappointed. If it weren’t for them, we might not have ever gotten off our asses and gotten back together.”

“They’re going to be in shock when we tell them,” Brian said and laughed. “I can just imagine the looks on their faces.”

“I know.” Justin giggled and got off Brian’s lap. “My mom is going to freak out.”

“Probably.”

Justin grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand and brought up the calendar. “How long will it take to get the HIV test results back?”

Brian gave Justin an odd look. “Don’t you know?”

“Well, I am a virgin,” Justin said. “I never really worried about the results before. It was just another word on my blood test results and beside it has always said negative.”

Brian had no clue what it must be like to be so blasé about the results of an HIV test. “You usually have to wait a week or more for blood tests,” Brian told him. “But there is another kind of test you can ask for, it’s taken orally and the results show in twenty minutes.”

“Are those accurate?” Justin asked.

“I wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t so. I was negative six months ago and three months ago too. The chance of me being positive for any STD’s for the next HIV test is miniscule.”

“So you’ll have the oral test done too?”

“Yes.”

“But you’re going to an oncologist,” Justin said. “Will they even do that there?”

“My doctor will,” Brian said. “He has before.”

“Okay, so we’ll know our results Wednesday. So what about we get married on the twenty-first?”

“Of January?” Brian asked.

“Is that too soon?”

“That’s less than two weeks away!”

“So…”

“It’s fine,” Brian said, took the phone out of Justin’s hand and tossed it aside. “The twenty-first for your first.”

“And yours,” Justin said, grinning.

 

*****
 

Justin drove from his doctor’s office to his mother’s house as if his brain had gone into autopilot mode. He hadn’t planned to go there, but he realized as he rang the doorbell there was nowhere else he could go, no one else he could talk to about this who would be able to help him make sense of his confusion. No matter how old he was, no matter how independent he wanted to be, sometimes he just needed the love and understanding his mother had always given him.

The door opened and Tucker appeared, smiling, “Hi, Justin.” His smile faltered a split-second later. “Are you all right?”

“I need to see my mom,” Justin said. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped into the house and past Tucker, not waiting to be invited in.

Tucker closed the door behind him. “Your mom isn’t here. She’s with Molly’s girl scout group at the movies.”

Justin felt like his world was coming to an end and the idea that he couldn’t talk to his mother made him feel even more emotionally unstable than he felt leaving the appointment. Turning away from Tucker he asked, “Do you know when she’ll be home?”

“Not for a few hours,” Tucker said, his voice gentle. “But if it’s an emergency we can text her and tell her to come home.”

“No,” Justin said, wiping moisture from his eyes and facing Tucker. “It’s not… I don’t want to do that. I just really need to talk to her.”

Tucker approached Justin slowly and asked with a hesitant tone, “Is it something you can talk to me about?”

“No,” Justin grunted.

Tucker placed his hand on Justin’s arm comfortingly. “Should you call Brian, then?”

“No way!” Justin said, backing away from Tucker. “I can’t talk to him yet and he’s in meetings with clients and won’t even be home until late tonight.”

“Okay,” Tucker said, “then what do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Justin said. He knew what he wanted, but that wasn’t going to happen now.

“How about we just go sit in the living room and hang out until you decide what it is you want to do,” Tucker suggested. He sighed, “Or until your mother gets home.”

“You want me to just stay here and hang out with you?” Justin scoffed.

“Sure, maybe after you chill for a little while and collect your thoughts, you’ll feel like talking out whatever it is that has you so angry. Maybe I can help.”

Something about the way Tucker had spoken the word ‘angry’ pissed him off even more and tipped him over the edge. “You think you can help me?”

Tucker blanched and he looked hurt. “Maybe I can,” Tucker said. He let out a deep breath. “Justin, I know I’m not your mom and…”

“You’re not my dad, either,” Justin interrupted. “So stop acting like you are.”

“Look,” Tucker said, crossing his arms over his chest, “I know you’re upset but that’s no reason to act like this toward me. I am not trying to act like a father to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Justin asked. It felt good to have somewhere to direct his anger that wasn’t himself. “You just offered to have a little father-son talk with me. What’s next? Are you gonna go on a very special father and son camping trip?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Tucker said. “I know that we’re never going to have the kind of relationship you once had with Craig, but I thought we’d started growing closer and were at least becoming friends.”

“I have enough friends,” Justin told him. “A few of them are actually just about your age.”

“Maybe you should leave and go talk to one of them. I love your mother, but I’m not going to let you talk to me like this in my home. If your mother was here and heard what you’ve said, she’d be very disappointed in you.”

“So you’re going to scold me and kick me out?” Justin asked. “Maybe you want our relationship to be more like mine and Craig’s than you think?”

Tucker walked over to the door and opened it wide. He held his ground and kept his eyes on Justin’s. “I’ll tell your mother you dropped by and refrain from telling her about this, because I don’t want to hurt her. But you should know that the next time you come into my home, it will be only on her invitation and not mine.”

Justin stared at Tucker who stood before him looking extremely hurt and angry, which was exactly how Justin felt. He couldn’t believe that he had intentionally caused Tucker to feel the same. Sure, he often poked fun at Tucker about the age gap between him and his mother, which he really had no right to do, especially now that he was with Brian. But it was never in a hurtful way, not like this. He’d taken out his frustrations on the man who loved his mother and sister better than Craig ever had, a man who took care of them and made them both happy. Tucker had also always done everything he could to not come between Justin and his mother, to give him space and time to accept him into their lives and he’d always been open and caring toward him.

Not once had Justin ever felt like Tucker disapproved of him for being gay, or for choosing his own path and becoming an artist. In reality, Tucker was one of his biggest supporters. Tucker never missed going to an art show, he attended all the GLC benefits with his mother and every single time he’d been hospitalized since he knew him, Tucker was always there to offer any support he could. Justin had even ruined the man’s honeymoon and yet Tucker had never held a grudge about it. He’d been more concerned with Justin than he was with cancelling many of the plans he had and losing tons of money. Justin had learned to be cordial to him and had reluctantly accepted the man his mother loved, but he’d never done anything to deserve such kindness and acceptance from him.

What the fuck was wrong with him? He’d used Tucker as a vessel for his anger and said some of the worst things he could say to him! He really was an asshole and his mother would be disappointed. Hell, she probably wouldn’t want to extend any invitation to him ever again if she knew what he’d said. Still, Tucker had said he wouldn’t tell her. Tucker was a good man, a better man than Justin deserved to have for a step-father. “I’m sorry,” Justin spoke, his voice hitching. He walked toward the door and met Tucker’s sad eyes. “I’m really fucking sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I said. I’m upset and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I hope you can forgive me.”

Tucker’s hand fell away from the door and caught Justin’s arm before he could go by him. “If you really didn’t mean it, then I forgive you.”

“I didn’t,” Justin said passionately. “I know you love my mom and Molly and you’ve been really good to me too, better than Craig ever has been. I never should’ve compared you to him. You didn’t deserve that. Just tell my mom to call me when she has a chance.”

Tucker nodded. “Are you going to Daphne’s?”

“No,” Justin said in a depressed tone, “she’s working. All my friends are working.”

Tucker smiled softly and put his arm around Justin’s shoulder and turned him toward the living room. “Except one.”

Justin took the comfort that Tucker’s one-armed embrace offered him and immediately felt the stress draining from him. “Are you sure you want to hear me talk after what I said to you?”

“You need to talk, I’m here to listen,” Tucker assured him.

Tucker couldn’t help him with his dilemma, but just having someone neutral who listened to him made things not seem so dire. They ordered pizza, watched a movie and occasionally talked about things going on in both of their lives. Justin had never spent much alone time with Tucker and he was pleasantly surprised at how smart and funny he turned out to be. Relaxing and hanging out with him put Justin in a better state of mind and by the time he left he was ready to talk to Brian.

 

*****
 

When Justin got home he kept himself busy by cleaning the house. Brian wanted to hire a housekeeper, which Justin was sure he would do sometime soon, but for the time being it was up to him and Brian to keep the huge home clean. It was after nine p.m. by the time Justin finished dusting and mopping the downstairs. He felt exhausted and wondered if he’d manage to stay awake until Brian got home. After taking a hot shower to clean off the grunge of the day, the hot water relaxed him and he was even more tired. It was now getting close to ten o’clock and so he checked his cell phone to see if Brian had called. Brian hadn’t, so Justin decided to call him to get a read on what time Brian expected to be home.

There was no answer on Brian’s cell phone, so Justin tried his office.

“Exhibition, this is Jeffery speaking.”

Justin was surprised that Brian’s assistant answered the phone. He’d expected that the switchboard for Exhibition’s calls would be switched on and he’d have to punch in Brian’s extension. “Hi, Jeffery, this is Justin Taylor. Is Brian available?”

“Yes, he’s available,” Jeffery said. “Let me put you through.”

“Thanks.” Justin waited and the phone rang three times before it was picked up.

“Justin?”

“How’d you know it was me?” He hadn’t been put on hold so he knew that Jeffery hadn’t screened the call for Brian.

“I just looked at the clock a few minutes ago and realized how late it was. I was picking up my cell to call you and realized it was dead. I left the charger at home.”

“You need to buy an extra one,” Justin said. “I’ve got to get one for my car. Do you want me to pick you up one too?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Brian said. “I’ve got one at the loft I’ll just leave here at the office.”

“Oh, okay. I haven’t heard from you other than that text message earlier today so I thought I’d call and see if you know what time you’ll be home tonight.”

“I honestly don’t know,” Brian said, the stress he was under evident in his tone of voice. “My whole team is still here and we might be working for a few more hours.”

“What happened?”

“Same shit, different day. I swear to God I have no idea why I’ve hired half of these fucking people. Nobody seems to know what the fuck they’re doing.”

Justin was tired but he’d helped Brian with ads a few times. “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“Where are you?”

“At home.”

“If you were still in Pittsburgh, I might take you up on it.”

“What exactly is the problem?”

“I’ve got a meeting tomorrow morning at nine a.m. for Benson Baby Wipes and the boards look like shit. Every fucking change I’ve had the team make has either been fucked up or doesn’t look right.”

“Do you want to email me a picture of them?” Justin audibly yawned. “Maybe I can make some suggestions?”

“Nah, that’s okay, we’ll figure it out. You sound tired and should probably go to sleep. Hey! How did you appointment go?”

Justin gulped. “I’m negative,” Justin said, “but there’s…”

“What the fuck?” Brian shouted. “This is not eighteen font, Marcia! For fuck sake, I think we might finally have this shit right and you give me this?”

Justin heard the woman apologize to Brian and promise to fix it immediately and then Brian was back on the phone. “Fucking idiots,” Brian grumbled. “Look, I’ve got to go. I think I might just stay at the loft tonight.”

The thought of Brian not coming home made Justin feel a mix of sadness and relief, but he asked, “Would you like me to drive back into town and be at the loft?”

“I’d like you to,” Brian admitted, “but I’ll probably only have a few hours of sleep before I have to get up again.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You don’t have plans for tomorrow, do you?”

“No. I told you I’d go with you to your appointment if you wanted me to. It’s at noon, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but I need you to do something else. Shit, I meant to call you hours ago and ask you about it, but I got sidetracked.”

“What is it you need me to do?”

“Lindsay has work and Melanie found out she’s going to be stuck in court all day. She asked me if I could pick Gus up from school, but he gets out right in the middle of my appointment. I told her you would do it. She was going to call and ask you herself, but I told her it’d be fine. I should’ve asked you first, but you did say you wanted to share him.”

Justin beamed inside. “Of course I’ll do it!”

“She said she’d call the school and have you put on the approved list. You know what school he goes to, right?”

“Yup.”

“Okay, you have to go to his classroom to pick him up between 12:30 and 12:45, no later.”

“Okay. Should I take him back to the house then?”

“No, I’ve cleared my schedule for after the appointment. I can meet you guys somewhere. Lindsay gets out of work at 3:30 so there’s no sense in us going all the way out to the house and then having to come back into town. I’ll have my phone on vibrate so why don’t you text me once you pick him up and we’ll figure out where to meet.”

“All right, that sounds good.”

“Okay, I’ve really got to go and get this ad finished. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Later.”

“Later.” Justin hung up his phone and crawled into bed. He was too tired to think about anything at all and quickly fell asleep.

 

*****
 

Brian wasn’t sure what test results he was more nervous about receiving. Two weeks ago he’d had the initial cancer screening and today his doctor had given him the good news that he was still cancer free. He walked out of the appointment completely clear of cancer and all STDs, he couldn’t have felt better, even if he’d only gotten three hours sleep the night before. He was ready to celebrate with Gus and Justin, and when Justin texted, asking if he was up to going to a museum, he agreed with enthusiasm.

Brian and Justin spent the afternoon with Gus at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History. Gus had recently become obsessed with dinosaurs, so most of their time was spent viewing the dinosaur exhibits but they enjoyed it almost as much as Gus. Gus was an endless ball of energy and Justin felt completely carefree when he was with him. Knowing that Brian was clean and perfectly healthy made the day even better. He told himself that all the fears he had yesterday were unfounded. He focused on having fun with Brian and Gus.

The bubble it seemed they’d been inside all afternoon lasted for the drive home. Brian pulled up beside him in the garage and when Justin looked at Brian’s face, the bubble suddenly burst and he felt like was going to have a panic attack. Brian didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong with him, because his mood didn’t shift at all once they were inside and divesting themselves of their winter coats.

“How many days do we have?” Brian asked, coming up behind Justin and wrapping him in his arms while licking his neck. “Ten?” His hands splayed over Justin’s torso and moved lower while he ground his erection against Justin’s ass. He separated their bodies and grabbed Justin’s hand, pulling him toward the living room.

Justin stumbled after Brian and tried to think of a way to start the conversation as he was led into the living room and pushed down onto the sofa. Brian stepped away and began loosening his tie, his eyes filled with lust as he looked down at him.

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next ten days,” Brian admitted. He pushed his suit jacket off his arms which revealed the shirt that was Justin’s favorite.

Justin took the opening and asked, “What if we didn’t have to wait?”

Brian grinned deviously and shook his head while slipping his tie off and throwing it to Justin. “I’m going to tie you up with that.”

Justin picked up the silk tie and placed it beside him and noticed that his hands were shaking and then realized his whole body was. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

Brian nodded and began opening the buttons on his shirt. “I heard you,” he said. “But I’ve waited six months… fuck, I’ve waited longer than that. I can wait to fuck you.” He laughed as he slipped the shirt off and went for his belt. “Or maybe I should tie you up with this?”

Justin blinked slowly. “Do you really think there’s a difference? I mean, would you have fucked me six months ago if you could’ve?”

“Of course.” Brian dropped his pants to the floor, revealing his very tight black briefs. He walked over to Justin, straddled his legs and sat in his lap. He leaned in, kissed his jaw and told him, “I like the idea of having a virgin bride in my bed on our wedding night.” He laughed, throwing his head back. “Who would’ve thought that me, Brian Kinney, would be monogamous for the last six months and would be marrying a man I’ve never fucked? Not me, that’s for fucking sure.” He pushed his lips against Justin’s, but pulled away when he got no reaction from him. Brian stared at Justin curiously. “What’s going on?” He moved his ass over Justin’s clothed crotch. “Why aren’t you hard? We haven’t had sex in over twenty-four hours. Don’t tell me you jerked off all night and have nothing left.”

“No,” Justin said and gently pushed Brian off him and onto the sofa cushion beside him. “I didn’t jerk off at all. I was too tired.”

“Then what’s the excuse now? I know you slept in and…”

“I think we should call off the wedding,” Justin interrupted and looked away from Brian.

Brian released a gulp. “We haven’t even told anyone but the officiant that we’re getting married. I don’t think it’s officially on yet.”

“I know,” Justin said and chanced a look at Brian. “But maybe that’s best.”

“What. Is. Going. On?” Brian demanded.

Justin felt like he was drowning and tried to get up from the sofa, but Brian’s hand shot out and pulled him back down. “Let me go,” Justin pleaded.

“Fuck that! You tell me you want to call off the wedding ten fucking days before we do it and you’re just going to run off and not talk to me about it? I’m not running from this conversation and you can’t either, so tell me exactly why you don’t want to marry me.”

“I want to marry you! But… are you marrying me so that you can fuck me?” Justin asked.

“Of course, that’s a big fucking part of it! I’ve never gone this long without sex, but the wait will be worth it. But if we had to go on non-fucking for the rest of our lives I’d fucking do that for you.”

Justin shook his head and tears brimmed in his eyes. “Don’t you understand? That just makes this worse.”

“Makes what worse?” Brian said. “You’re really freaking me out here. All day you’ve been all sunshine and rainbows and we get home and you spring this shit on me! I don’t know what the fuck happened. Was it the talk about me tying you up or…”

“No, it wasn’t that,” Justin said. “You know that I like that. Christ, that is no reason for us to call off the wedding.”

“Then tell me what the fuck reason you’ve come up with?” Brian said in a softer tone.

“This whole time… the last six months… Shit. I… I… Brian, all the things I’ve thought about relationships and sex… ever since I knew what sex and love was, I think it’s changed. I just don’t know how I feel about them anymore.”

“You're second-guessing marriage after you fucking proposed to me and I said yes?” Brian asked in disbelief. “You don’t know if you love me or if you want to marry me?”

“No! I do love you!” Justin gave up on trying to control his tears and let himself cry. “I love you so much and I do want to marry you but I don’t know if you’ll want to marry me once I tell you what I have to tell you.”

Brian pulled Justin closer and looked into his eyes. “Listen, you’ve gotten cold feet, that’s okay. We don’t have to do it now or ever if you don’t want to if you’re not ready.”

“I am ready,” Justin said passionately. “There’s no one else I love but you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Then nothing is going to stop me from marrying you. So whatever it is you think that will, just fucking tell me…” Brian hugged Justin tightly and spoke in his ear, “I love you.” He pulled away a little and said in a broken whisper, “I love you.”

Justin’s heart dropped into his stomach. Brian looked so vulnerable and open and he had spoken the words to him, he’d given him everything now and Justin wasn’t sure if it would be enough to keep him. “We can use condoms,” he said. He felt Brian’s hands tense and then slowly slip from his back. “This whole time, we could’ve been using condoms and we could’ve been having sex. I’m not allergic to the polyisoprene condoms that don’t have the additive chemicals. I thought I was allergic to all of them, but it was just an ingredient in most of the brands, but my doctor….”

“What the fuck?” Brian interrupted and backed away from Justin. “How the fuck did you find this out? When did you find this out?”

“Yesterday, at my appointment. When I told my doctor that wanted to have an oral HIV test, he asked me if it was because I’d had unprotected sex. We’d just gotten through talking about my fiber, chemical, drug and food allergies. So I didn’t understand why he asked me that. I told him that I hadn’t had sex yet because I was waiting until I found the person I knew I could trust to have sex with unprotected. Then he asked me why I was against using condoms. I was so confused and started reminding him that, of course I wasn’t against them, that I wished I could wear one or my partner could so that we could have safe sex, but that obviously, with my allergy, I couldn’t. That’s when he told me that it was a chemical additive in the polyisoprene that I was allergic to and that not all brands had those chemicals and he thought he’d explained that to me when we first realized I had a latex allergy.”

Brian stared at Justin, his mind running over everything Justin had said to him. For a second, he’d actually considered that Justin was lying and had lied to him about being allergic to condoms in the first place just so that he could ploy Brian into being monogamous. But that was a fleeting thought because Brian knew deep down that Justin would never do anything like that. Seeing how upset Justin was over this made it apparent that he was just as shocked by this information. Brian scooted closer and reached out to touch Justin’s cheek, wiping his tears away. “It doesn’t matter, we’re going ahead with our future the same way we were before you found out we could use condoms.”

“But… but Brian, even if we got married, you could still trick and…”

“And be unfaithful to you?” Brian interrupted, shaking his head slowly. “Isn’t fidelity something you want that has nothing to do with whether or not you can fuck raw? Has your opinion changed on that or do you just think it should change because you are worried about what I think? Be honest.”

“No,” Justin said, knowing it was how he felt, it was what he wanted. “I want my partner to be faithful to me.”

“And I have been,” Brian said. “So why, if we’re getting married, would I be unfaithful to my husband? Do you think you would want to be unfaithful to me?”

“No, never,” Justin said adamantly. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Where have you been the last nine months?” Brian asked. “I’m fucking happier than I ever have been.”

“But we could still use them, if that would make you feel better.”

Brian pulled Justin into a hug and kissed his hair. “We’re not using those condoms, they’re not that safe. With all your damn allergies I wouldn’t doubt that one day you’d develop an allergy to them. I’m not taking any chances. I might want to fuck you within an inch of your life, but I’m certainly not going to risk fucking you to death. I trust you and you trust me, That’s good enough for me.”

“Really?” Justin asked, wrapping his arms tightly around Brian. He rubbed his face against Brian’s chest and heard the man’s heart beating loudly against his ear.

“Yeah, really. So no more freaking out. I can’t wait to feel you from the inside but that isn’t why we’re doing this, is it?”

“No,” Justin said and looked up at Brian. “I want to marry you because I love you and you’re who I want to be with.”

Brian leaned down and gave Justin a gentle kiss. “Me too.” He kissed him again and again until he felt all the tension release from Justin’s body. He had made a promise to marry Justin, to be monogamous to him. Nothing was going to make him break that promise.

 

*****
 

Gus opened the front door, walked inside and yelled, “Daddy, we’re here!”

Lindsay stayed just outside. “Gus, you should always knock and wait for them to answer.”

Gus looked at his mother over his shoulder. “I don’t have to knock,” he said, “this is my house too.”

“That’s right,” Justin said, as he walked down the stairs. “We left the door open for you. Come in, Lindsay.”

Brian entered the foyer from the living room and grumbled, “And for Christ sakes, Linds, shut the door, you’re letting all the cold air in.”

“Hi to you too, Brian,” Lindsay said, kicking the door shut behind her.

“I’ll take your coats,” Justin offered, helping Gus with his.

“I can’t stay for very long,” Lindsay said. “Mel and I are meeting Ted and Blake for dinner.”

“Cause they’re the baby’s daddies,” Gus said.

Brian laughed. “Oh, I’d love to hear Mel’s reaction if she heard you call them that, sonny boy.”

“Why?” Gus asked. “That’s what they are.” He pointed to Brian and Justin. “That’s what you are too, right? Or…” he paused and rubbed his chin, “do I have to wait till you’re married to have two daddies?” He looked at Justin. “When can I call you Dad, too?”

Justin felt like he’d just been told he was going to have his art on permanent display at the Louvre… or, quite possibly he felt even happier than that. Still, he couldn’t get too excited; he had to know what Brian thought of this before he said a word. Even if Brian said they could share Gus, he didn’t necessarily mean that they could share the title, did he?

“Yes, Justin,” Lindsay said, clearly amused, “when can Gus call you Dad?”

Brian saw the stunned happiness on Justin's face change to apprehension and he immediately wanted to put a stop to it. “I suppose you can start tonight,” he told Gus. Sure, it was a little weird… sharing a kid with Justin, but he’d been doing it with Melanie for years and nothing could be weirder than that.

“All right!” Gus cheered and ran to hug Justin. “Hi, Dad!”

“Hi, Gus,” Justin spoke with emotion. He laughed joyously and picked Gus up and spun him around.

“Hey wait!” Gus said. “Put me down.”

“There you go.” Justin placed Gus on his feet and watched as the boy ran into the living room, stopped short and then ran back to them.

“Why isn’t my tent set up?” Gus asked.

“We have a surprise for you,” Brian told Gus.

“Oooh! Is it a new tent?” Gus asked.

“No, it isn’t,” Justin said. “But I think you’ll like this surprise even better.”

“Can I see it? Can I see it?” Gus asked, bouncing up and down.

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Lindsay said.

“But aren’t you gonna see it too?” Gus asked.

“I already have,” Lindsay told him. “Justin showed me a picture.” She gave Gus a kiss. “You be good. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy,” Gus said, clearly focused only on his surprise and not his mother’s departure.

Brian saw Lindsay out with a kiss on the cheek and turned to Gus. “So, you ready for your surprise?”

“Yes!” Gus’ cheer echoed around the foyer. “Where is it?”

“Upstairs,” Justin said, feeling just as giddy as Gus. “Come on.” He took the boy's hand and led him up the staircase, Brian trailing behind them until they stopped in front of a door at the top of the staircase. “This is your surprise,” Justin said.

Gus stared at the wooden door and then looked up at Brian. “Dada, you got me a door?”

Justin laughed. “Is that the surprise, Brian?”

“Technically, Justin bought you the door,” Brian said.

“Technically, Monday morning your name will be on the mortgage too,” Justin said.

“Dads!”

“Your surprise is behind the door,” Justin said, ruffling Gus’s hair.

“Go on, open the door, Gus,” Brian encouraged.

Gus opened the door and slowly stepped inside. “Whose room is this?” he asked, his voice filled with awe as he looked around the room.

“Is that your name painted above the bed?” Brian asked.

Gus looked around and his eyes landed on his name, three of his favorite dinosaurs were positioned so they spelled the letters of his name. “It does say Gus!”

“That’s right,” Justin said. “Do you like it?”

“I love it!” Gus made a running leap and landed on his bed and began to bounce. “This is mine! All mine!”

“Yes, it is,” Brian affirmed, his son’s excitement affecting him. This secret room that Justin had created for Gus, even when they hadn’t been together, it was everything Brian could’ve ever wanted in his home for his son, correction, their son.

“So do you think spending the night in your own room might be a little bit better than sleeping in a tent in the living room?” Justin asked.

“Ohhh yeah!” Gus said, scrambling off the bed when his eyes caught sight of the three large toy boxes across the room. Each one was filled to the brim, the tops held open by dozens of brand new toys. Most of the toys and the clothes (not that Gus would care about them yet) were Brian’s contribution to the room.

“How long do you think those will keep him occupied?” Brian whispered, wrapping his arm around Justin’s waist and placing open mouth kisses along the back of his neck.

“Dads, come on, come play with me,” Gus said, dragging a large dinosaur out of the box. “We can play for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours!”

Justin chuckled and extracted himself from Brian’s hold and asked him, “You didn’t actually think it’d be that easy, did you?”

 

*****
 

Emmett dabbed at the sweat on his brow with a handkerchief as he looked at Brian’s ensemble. “Something is missing.”

Brian turned from side to side and disagreed. “I look perfect.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “I’m sure Justin thinks so.”

Brian raised one eyebrow questioningly, “And you don’t?”

“Oh, shut up,” Michael said. He handed Brian one of the glasses of whiskey he’d poured. “Actually… now that Em mentioned it, you are missing something.”

“The boutonniere!” Emmett shouted. “Where is it?”

“Calm down, Honeycutt,” Brian quipped. He drank his glass of whiskey in one gulp. “Jennifer ran to the store to buy some safety pins; she’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Okay then, I’m going to give the officiant your vows,” Emmett said. “If you need anything…”

“Em, I’ll be fine,” Brian said. He put his hands on Emmett’s shoulders and stared down at him. “It’s time to relax now, everything is done. You’re not the wedding planner today.”

“I’m just not used to being only the guest,” Emmett said. He picked up the envelope with the vows inside. “Just this and then I’ll take my seat and be a guest just like everyone else.”

“Okay,” Brian agreed. It wasn’t like he cared who brought the officiant the vows.

Michael started giggling the moment Emmett left the room. “He’s never going to forgive you for not letting him plan this. I think he might be more stressed out because he didn’t.”

“Some people should learn to give up control every now and then,” Brian said.

Michael laughed harder. “Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.”

Brian shrugged. “I’ve been known to give up control every now and then.”

“Yeah, once a decade,” Michael quipped. He downed the rest of his whiskey and held the glass bottle up. “Want another?”

“Nah, I don’t need it.”

“You’re surprisingly calm,” Michael observed.

Brian sat down on the leather sofa. “It’s not like it’d do me any good to be freaking out.”

“True,” Michael said, and joined Brian on the sofa. “So you’re sure you don’t have cold feet?”

“The library does have a draft,” Brian teased, “but nope, toes are warm.”

“I’ll be nervous for us both,” Michael said.

“Why the fuck would you be nervous? It’s not like I’m going to make you give a ‘best man’ speech, even if you put me through that bullshit at your wedding.”

“Oh shut up, you love making speeches.”

“Yeah, because I get paid for it,” Brian said. “So, why are you nervous?”

“I guess it’s just a shock, you know?”

“You’re shocked and yet you’re one of the only people who knew this would be a possibility,” Brian said.

“I think everyone else was just so surprised when you and Justin announced you were getting married and then they all started helping you plan it that they haven’t had a moment to really think about how shocking it actually is. Probably a month or two from now, you guys will be having dinner at Ma’s and it’ll actually hit her that you, Brian Kinney, are married!”

“Are you saying that you think Justin and I are in shock too? That if we gave ourselves some time to think about it, we’d wait to get married?”

“Oh no, not at all,” Michael assured. “Like you said, I knew this might be a possibility for a while. You and Justin knew it too so of course you’re not in shock, you’re just… happy. Right?”

Brian nodded. “Or crazy.”

“Probably that too,” Michael said. “But I know you love him and I know you want to… you know…”

“Fuck him?” Brian asked and laughed. “Has married life made you a prude and suddenly you can’t say ‘fuck’?”

“No, it’s just… I would’ve used the words ‘making love raw’ since it is your wedding night, and then you would’ve probably thrown up on your Gucci loafers and I never would’ve heard the end of it, so no, I didn’t say that.”

Brian was silent for a minute. “Maybe you wouldn’t have been wrong to use those words,” he said quietly.

“I don’t think I’m nervous for you anymore,” Michael replied, just as quiet. “I bet you’re really looking forward to tonight,” he spoke in a far off tone. “Will you tell me what it’s like?”

“I’m not going to give you details about me and Justin,” Brian said.

“No, just… you know, tell me if it feels different?”

Brian turned and stared at Michael. “Mikey, do you love Ben?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then it isn’t going to feel any different for me and Justin.”

“Of course it will,” Michael said. “You’re not going to be using condoms.”

“Listen, I’m going to tell you something but you can’t breathe a fucking word of it, all right?”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Ted and Blake, they’ve been having sex raw for a while.”

“He told you that?”

“It sort of came out and I know he doesn’t want anyone making a big deal about it, all right?”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Michael said. “It’s just weird that he’d share that with you and not…” Michael sighed. “Oh, it’s because I’ll never have that with Ben.”

“He told me that it wasn’t any different,” Brian lied. Michael was his best friend and he didn’t want him to always be thinking that he and Justin had something that he and Ben could never have. He just couldn’t do that to him. “He said that the only difference is that he can get hard again and keep on fucking him, that’s it. Condoms are so thin there really isn’t a difference of what it feels like.”

“That’s it?” Michael asked, doubtfully. “Then why do so many men want to do it?”

“Fuck if I know,” Brian said lightly. “If Justin weren’t allergic to condoms and we were married and monogamous we’d still use them.”

“But why?”

“It saves on the dry cleaning bill,” Brian said. “Plus, it’s not very PC if you like to fuck in public.”

Michael laughed and sighed as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “When you put it that way, I guess we’re not really missing much.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Brian said and gave Michael a one-armed hug.

There was a short knock on the door and Jennifer popped her head in, “Can I come in?”

Brian stood up and gestured her inside and told Michael, “Go make sure Emmett isn’t trying to take over anything else, will you?”

“Yup, see you in a few minutes,” Michael said and kissed Brian’s cheek before leaving.

Jennifer walked over with the pins and boutonniere. “Would you like me to put it on you?”

“If you’d like, Mother Taylor,” Brian quipped and smirked.

Jennifer smiled and began to pin the flowers to Brian’s tux. “I’m glad you’re going to be my son-in-law.”

Brian had just about had his fill of sentimental conversations, but he figured he owed Jennifer this one. She’d been a damn good mother to Justin. “Me too.”

Jennifer fixed Brian’s tie and then stepped back. “I was scared for him,” she said. “Scared that he’d never meet anyone who he could trust, who would want to be with only him. I wasn’t ignorant to the gay lifestyle, naïve, sure, but it isn’t only gay men who sleep around, you know.”

“I’d never put him in danger,” Brian said.

“I know,” Jennifer said. “Last night, Justin told me about his visit to the doctor’s office and he told me that you still don’t plan on using condoms. I overheard a little bit of your conversation with Michael.”

Brian shook his head. “You were eavesdropping on us?”

Jennifer blushed. “I’m sorry, I was about to knock when I heard Justin’s name and I know I shouldn’t have listened but…”

“It’s all right,” Brian said dismissively.

“Why did you lie to him?” she whispered.

“Michael has been in my corner since we were kids,” Brian explained. “He’s dealt with all my bullshit and all my success. He’s the one who encouraged me to get the fuck over myself and go out with Justin. After Justin told me about his views on relationships and why he couldn’t have sex until he got married, I was a selfish asshole and I told Michael, because I needed to talk to someone about it. I could’ve gone to Ted or Em or Deb or fucking Carl, but I went to him and not until I was done ranting and let him have his say did I realize how badly he wanted what… at the time, I wasn’t sure I wanted. It’s something he and Ben will never have and I hurt him.”

“But that wasn’t your fault,” Jennifer said soothingly. “You needed to talk to your best friend. That’s what people do.”

“It was about the most insensitive I’ve ever been toward him,” Brian said, “and believe me, that’s saying something because I’ve been a real asshole to him.”

“So you lied to him about the condoms and you told him that he and Ben aren’t missing out on anything?” Jennifer asked. “Do you really believe that?”

“Michael and Ben, whether they could have sex safely without a condom or not, neither one of them are ever going to be with your son, so of course they’re missing out on something.”

Jennifer gave Brian a tight hug. “You’re a good friend, Brian, and that has to be one of the nicest things I’ve ever heard anyone say about Justin.” She stepped back and looked into his eyes. “You really will take care of him and treat him the way he deserves to be treated, won’t you?”

Brian shrugged. “In about twenty minutes from now I’m going to promise to love him, that’s going to have to be enough.”

“It is,” Jennifer said and kissed Brian’s cheek. “I’ll see you at the altar. I’m going to go give Justin his boutonniere.”

As Jennifer opened the door to leave the room, Gus came barreling in around her. “Dada! It’s almost time. Can we do it again?”

By that, Gus meant that he wanted to practice his duty as ring bearer. “Sure, buddy.”

“Say it,” Gus said, standing a few feet away from his father.

In a deep voice Brian said, “May I have the rings, please?”

 

*****
 

Molly’s face crinkled as she looked at herself in the full length mirror. “I still say that I’m too old to be a flower girl.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “I’m not making you wear a traditional flower girl dress.”

“That’s because Brian would never allow anything bought at David’s Bridal in his wedding,” Daphne said.

Justin stuck out his tongue. “I never would’ve allowed that either. Stop frowning, Mollusk. I’m not even making you toss petals down the aisle. If you didn’t want to be in the wedding you could’ve just said no to me.”

“And give up the opportunity to wear this,” Molly said, twirling around in her pale gold dress. “I don’t think so.” She picked up the tin basket that held the bunch of golden gardenias. “I don’t understand why you even need these if I’m not throwing them around.”

“It’s a part of the ceremony,” Justin told her. “You’ll hand the bunch to me when the officiant asks you to.”

“If it was my wedding, I’d want a really pretty flower basket, not this ugly thing,” Molly said. “What is this tin thing, anyway?”

“It’s old, whatever it is,” Daphne said.

“It’s an antique incense burner,” Justin said, “the kind they’d use in churches or something, Brian had it and I thought it’d be perfect.”

“So this is your ‘something old’?” Molly asked.

“My what?” Justin asked, confused.

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe,” Daphne recited.

“Oh!” Justin said, cluing in to the tradition. “Hey, I’m not the fucking bride and I’m not a ‘her’!”

“Oh, come on,” Daphne teased, “I know for a fact you’ve got something blue on.”

“What?” Molly asked, looking up and down at Justin’s tuxedo. “Where’s the blue.”

“It’s his underwear,” Daphne revealed. “I saw it when we were getting dressed.”

“Eww! Gross! I don’t want to know what color underwear my brother is wearing!”

“You asked where the blue was,” Daphne said.

Justin fixed his tie and looked at himself in the mirror. “I’m ready.” He looked… like he was getting married. “Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m about to get married.”

“Me neither,” Jennifer said, walking into the room. “Found the pins.”

Justin held out the boutonniere made from golden gardenias and handed it to his mom. “Did you give Brian his?” he asked.

Jennifer nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. “I pinned it on him myself. He’s ready for you, Justin. He’s really ready for you.” She eyed the spot on the lapel of Justin’s tuxedo and pinned it in place, afraid she’d break into tears if she looked Justin in the eyes. “Now, you’re ready for him.”

Justin swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Yes. I am.”

 

*****
 

It wasn’t anything like Brian expected, actually he told himself not to have any expectations of a personal transformation at all. He knew not to anticipate a feeling that would change something inside of him, something that would make him different once the words were exchanged, or after they shared a kiss to seal the commitment or following their dance to a song that was entirely too fast paced (according to their guests) to be the first song they danced to as a married couple.

The dance, as unromantic as the fast-paced punk music could have made the experience, was perfectly, undeniably ridiculously romantic as far as Brian was concerned, not that he’d reveal that to anyone. Falling in love with Justin had been a slow rebellion of his self-imposed nature. Still, if Brian were to pick a single moment, a peak into that time when he absolutely had no choice but to think, ‘I love him’, he knew when that change had come. They were driving, Brian couldn’t recall where, maybe because Justin was doing the driving or maybe because ‘the moment’ took such precedence in his memory that everything else seemed inconsequential.

Justin and his tastes in music were as different from his as they were the same with movies. Brian thought that there was a place for techno (dance clubs and the occasional playlist during sex), and the place for punk rock was nowhere near his ears unless it was the eighties. But Justin was always listening to it and usually it was nothing more than fast-paced annoying sounds that Brian sometimes didn’t mind having on the sex playlist. Playing it while they danced slowly to it at their wedding wasn’t even Justin’s idea. He’d left all punk off the playlist he gave the DJ, and which Brian reviewed and then edited, surprising Justin with the song when they were announced and directed to the makeshift dance floor.

And then, Brian held Justin against him, their feet shuffling around, Justin’s body vibrating from excitement, awkwardly out of tune with his own movements but keeping a beat to the music and doing the weird hopping thing he did while listening to it in his studio, alone. Justin danced like a fool and didn’t care who was watching him today, because in Brian’s eyes he appeared happier than he’d ever been in his life and Brian had his undivided attention. Brian definitely watched him, not a moment did his eyes stray to the crowd who silently stood around the dance floor. It was just like that day in the car when Justin sang the lyrics to the song, occasionally glancing over at him, his head shaking, body bopping in a way that was entirely too animated for someone who was driving a vehicle at sixty miles per hour. But Brian hadn’t cared, because those lyrics, sung perfectly on key, came from the one man who could actually make Brian believe that a song could be more than just lyrics written for a rhythm, an ex-boyfriend or for some other stale reason.

Brian knew what it was to be in love and dancing with Justin at their wedding to a song that made him feel awkward and sublimely happy all at once, that was a rare moment when he would publicly express being in love. The song, ‘International You Day’, was absolutely perfect for them, for today and that’s all Brian cared about. When the song ended, drifting into something much more ‘wedding appropriate’, “strictly as a favor to the guests,” Justin had previously explained, their family and friends joined them on the dance floor. Brian looked around at everyone who was gathered in the living room turned reception room and allowed Justin to catch him off guard. Justin pushed him away, keeping his hand tight on his wrist, spun him around once before he caught him in his arms again and kissed him until neither one of them could breathe. As Brian’s lungs took in the next breath, his head a little fuzzy, cock more than a little hard, he felt different.

Brian knew that marrying Justin might not have made a difference if they remained committed partners, but for a reason he’d never be able to articulate, it also made all the difference in the world.

Whether he’d have to spend a week away from Justin schmoozing clients in London, or Justin was gone for a month travelling for his soon to be exploding art career, they would be more to one another apart than they’d been before today. But that still wasn’t the explanation for how different he felt. There could only ever be one word that might encompass the reason.

Justin.

 

*****
 

“I really like you,” Justin said, standing beside Brian on the stoop of their home, enthusiastically waving goodbye as their family and friends began to drive off.

Brian took the glass of wine from Justin’s non-waving hand. “I think you’ve had enough, young Taylor.”

“You think so, huh?” Justin asked, turning toward Brian. “I’ve only had two glasses of wine.”

Brian downed the rest of Justin’s glass, his fourth. “You can have more later if you need it.” As Emmett’s car, the last in the parade of vehicles pulled out of their drive, Brian pulled Justin inside with him, shut the door and armed the alarm. He placed the wine glass on the foyer table, not giving a thought to the fact that he’d leave a ring on the surface of the wood. The house would be cleaned and polished top to bottom after they left for their week long honeymoon in Fiji tomorrow afternoon. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“We can always just wait until we’re in Fiji,” Justin joked, pretended to resist as Brian pulled him toward the staircase.

“No fucking way.”

“Well if you’re in that big of a hurry we could always use ‘the bedroom closest to the garage door’,” Justin offered.

Brian swept Justin into his arms and hauled him up the first step. “Since the moment you showed me those panels with the mirrors above the bed I’ve been wanting to put them to use.”

“We have,” Justin said, dashing up the stairs in front of Brian.

Brian watched Justin’s ass stretching the fabric of his tight pants as he ran ahead of him and thought, ‘I can’t wait to fuck that ass.’ The thought made him stop because he was overcome with the knowledge that the wait was finally over. Every single thing he’d talked about, imagined doing and jerked off to that involved Justin’s ass, would become reality. All right, he admitted to himself, taking off up the stairs after his husband, he would never be able to fuck Justin while also sucking Justin’s dick; he’d never be able to fuck Justin while they were flying mid-air and he’d never be able to fuck Justin in the oval office on live TV (don’t ask). But he was going to do everything else and he was going to savor every second of it and what they couldn’t do tonight, they’d do tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and the day after that and… Well, Brian was sure that in the nine months since knowing Justin he’d come up with enough ways to fuck him that it might take forever to do every single one and that wasn’t factoring in all the things Justin had described wanting to try, fantasizing about and well… it didn’t scratch the surface on Justin fucking him. Forever didn’t sound like long enough and with that thought, Brian caught up with Justin, just inside their bedroom and threw him on their bed.

Justin screeched and giggled as he bounced on the mattress, one hand rubbing over his erection as he stared up at Brian looming beside the bed.

“I’m going to fuck you,” Brian said, his voice raspy. He tossed his suit coat to the floor and his tie was yanked from around his neck a second later.

Justin spread his arms and legs out, happy to be the banquet he was about to become, but he knew he had to get Brian to calm down, at least a little bit. “I think you’ll have to undress me first, husband.”

“I’ll undress you,” Brian said, ripping his own shirt as he pulled it apart.

Justin’s eyes widened and he sat up. “I like this suit too much to damage it, and from the look in your eyes I think you might just want to tear my pants down the seam and fuck me through them.”

“Not tonight,” Brian said, breathing heavily, “but I’ll remember that one for another time.”

Justin got up on his knees and crawled toward Brian. Brian’s hands were shaking where he was trying to unbuckle his belt so Justin placed his on top of them and stared up at Brian. “Slowly, remember?” he asked, softly. “Let me finish undressing you, Brian.”

Brian was suddenly embarrassed with how he was acting if Justin had to remind him to take things slowly, and he felt ashamed that he didn’t pay attention to how nervous Justin was. He didn’t want to let him down before things even really started. . He held his arms out to the sides and relinquished control to Justin. “Slowly,” he agreed. “I’m all yours.”

Justin relaxed and pressed his face against Brian’s bare stomach as he extracted the hooks on the belt and began to tug it out of the belt loops. He peppered kisses from Brian’s belly button to the waistline of the pants and back again and again until the belt was freed and dropped to the floor.

Brian planned to come once before he fucked Justin, he just didn’t plan to feel on the brink of doing so before his pants had even come off and definitely not before Justin was undressed too. He had to slow things down, but anticipation and desire were consuming him to the point of no return. He realized there was no point in holding back and that it might be a good thing because he needed to be in control of his body when he undressed and then prepared Justin.

After divesting Brian of his pants and briefs, Justin sat back on his heels to properly look at Brian’s beautiful body. He was no less gorgeous than he’d been the first time he saw him naked, but a different thrill accompanied this moment of revealing. His mouth watered as he leaned toward Brian, one of his hands held onto his thigh and with his other he grasped Brian’s cock. “Only mine,” he said, his voice possessive and filled with surging lust. He rubbed the come spilling head against his cheek and then across his lips and whispered, “Mine”, once more before taking his husband’s cock into his mouth.

Brian grasped Justin’s shoulders as his knees slackened the moment Justin’s mouth closed over his cock. “Justin!” he cried out, warning and thanks coupled as he spilled into Justin’s mouth. “Fuck,” he breathed out, pulling his cock from Justin’s mouth and standing upright.

Justin grinned at Brian as he lay back on the bed, once again spreading his arms and legs out. “Now that that’s out of the way” he said, “we can get on with it, slowly.”

 

*****
 

“Too much?” Brian asked, resting his head against the inside of Justin’s thigh.

Justin looked away from the ceiling mirror and back down at Brian. There was a little pain, he’d never had three fingers inside of him, but he knew that Brian’s cock would feel much bigger. “I’ll get used to it, just don’t move them yet.”

Brian kept his left hand still but moved his right hand away from Justin’s belly to his wet cock. He stroked it in a slow rhythm until he was fully erect. “You ready?” he asked.

Justin rested his head back on his pillow and released a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Relax for me,” Brian encouraged. He dropped Justin’s cock and told him, “Stroke yourself.”

Justin grabbed his dick, closed his eyes and began to jerk himself off. He felt a sting when Brian’s fingers slid further inside of him. He tried to focus on the pleasure, on the long fingers rubbing against his prostate, on the hand job he was giving himself but he couldn’t focus and began to tense up.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Brian spoke gently, “take it easy, relax.”

Justin sat up and stared down at Brian, tears in his eyes. “I don’t know how your cock is going to feel inside of me when I can hardly handle your fingers.”

Brian wanted to grab more lube and try again, but he decided against it. “I’m pulling them out now, okay?”

“Okay,” Justin said, collapsing back onto the mattress.

Brian wiped his fingers off on the towel and crawled up the bed to lie on his side facing Justin. “It’s going to be fine,” he told him.

Justin turned on his side and pressed his body against Brian’s, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his head against his chest. “I’m sorry it’s taking so long.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Brian’s hands ran up and down Justin’s back soothingly. “I’m enjoying every second. I just want to make sure you are too.”

Justin lifted his head up and looked at Brian. “For the last two and a half hours you’ve been rimming me, sucking my cock, fingering me or jerking me off, all the things we’ve done before. I guess I started tensing up because I realized how patient you’ve been with me and you haven’t gotten any attention at all.”

Brian scooted down so their faces were inches apart and then pressed his mouth against Justin’s, slowly kissing him, which led to them licking and touching and stroking and rolling around on the bed. When he knew that Justin had completely relaxed and, hopefully, forgotten about time entirely, he pinned his hands beside his head and told him, “You should know by now what a voyeur I am. Plus, you know I get off on making you come, hearing you moan and gasp and beg for more. I’m getting enough attention, believe me.”

Justin wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist and told him. “I’m ready now.”

“You sure?” Brian asked.

“Yeah.”

Brian kissed Justin once more, sliding his tongue deep into his mouth and then down his chin, neck, chest and belly as he slithered down Justin’s body.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to preparing you,” Brian said, and grabbed the lube.

“No.” Justin’s legs now rested on top of Brian’s shoulders and he used his heels to stop him from moving further. “I meant that I’m ready for you. I want you inside me.”

“Oh.” Brian looked down at Justin’s entrance, it was still a little open and slick from the lube. He grabbed the lube and flipped the cap open as he crawled back up, pushing Justin’s legs out so they would rest around his waist once again. “If you want me to stop, tell me,” he said, slicking his cock with the lube.

Justin nodded. “Just, kiss me while you push inside.”

Brian threw the lube to the side and leaned over Justin, propping one arm beside his shoulder while he held his dick against the silky folds of Justin’s hole. He whispered, “Take a deep breath and let it out into my mouth.”

“Okay.” Justin sucked in a deep breath and gripped Brian’s shoulders as he felt the spongy head press against his hole. Brian’s lips crushed against his and his air whooshed out of his lungs into Brian’s mouth at the exact moment that he felt Brian push inside of him.

Brian was certain that him being hyper-aware of Justin’s virginity had been both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing, because he kept his mind about him, didn’t push deep inside in one thrust, gave Justin some time to adjust before inching in, gave himself time to adjust and regroup and not come the moment he felt the nearly unbearable tight heat surrounding his cock. It was also a curse because no matter how many times he’d fingered Justin before or how long he’d fingered him tonight, it didn’t seem to have made a difference. Justin’s ass clamped so tightly around his cock that even the best oil-based lube on the market wasn’t slick enough to allow for the smooth, pain free experience he wanted to give Justin.

Brian kissed Justin, small tongue kisses that allowed him to breathe, to grunt and whimper into his mouth as he pushed little by little all the way inside the tightest, hottest place he’d ever been. His heart was beating fast, trying to keep up with the blood flow his cock was demanding. The feeling of being inside of Justin didn’t end at the base of his cock; it travelled into every nerve his body had and he would’ve blacked out from the intense pleasure he was feeling if he wasn’t constantly telling himself to keep his eyes open, to keep control and watch Justin. To please Justin first.

Justin’s back bowed in pleasure as he felt Brian’s balls press against his ass and his cock, stretching him and filling him, setting his body on fire with brand new enlightenment. He’d waited a long time for this and as the foreign sensations and the pain diminished, he looked at Brian’s face and knew that nothing had been a mistake. This moment, these feelings and the all consuming love he felt for Brian was returned to him, in Brian’s dark eyes, as they watched him; in the rapturous expression on Brian’s face and with his cock, which now joined them together deep inside in a place that Justin was certain had been made just for Brian. He stopped gripping Brian’s shoulders, instead moving them around his back and pulling Brian’s weight down till it rested completely on top of him. He arched his back, pressing as close as possible to Brian’s body as a wave of unlimited pleasure uncurled from the place where they met inside. “I love you,” he spoke into Brian’s ear. “Now show me what you’ve waited months to show me.”

Brian lifted his head and moved his arms back to support himself beside Justin and stared down at his husband. He slowly moved his hips back, his cock gently pulling out, just a little bit. It was all he could do to not just stay there inside him. “I don’t know what to show you,” he said, laughing in shock, “this is all completely new to me.”

 

*****
 

Brian pretended that he wasn’t cuddling Justin. He did this by occasionally placing a kiss on his chest and calling it ‘foreplay’, as Justin idly ran his fingers through his hair, recounting his favorite moments over the last couple of hours with dirty details that made Brian’s sore cock even sorer when it tried to sport an erection without his consent. He didn’t care though. He liked listening to Justin’s raspy voice retell the events, because whenever he needed to jerk off alone, these words and scenes would be what played in his head.

Justin shifted a little, moving Brian’s head higher up on his chest. “There.”

Brian looked up. “I’m too heavy. I do have a pillow so…”

Justin held Brian’s head against his chest. “I like you where you are. No matter how I lie tonight, my ass is going to feel sore.”

“Too much?” Brian asked, hesitantly.

“I’ll get used to it,” Justin said, “but will you?”

Brian Kinney had never been fucked twice in the same day and definitely not right in a row, but he’d also never had Justin Taylor fuck him before. He wasn’t even sure that Justin had learned a thing about technique from him because he came up with ways to move his hips and cock that Brian didn’t even know. “I’ll manage.”

“You know it’s going to suck being on a plane in,” Justin glanced at the clock, “eleven hours.”

“Then we should get some sleep,” Brian said, pulling away from Justin and lying on his pillow.

Justin scooted close to Brian and pressed his body against the side of Brian’s. “We fit together perfectly,” he said, “our bodies, no matter what position we put them in.”

Brian silently agreed. “Was it all you imagined?”

Justin grinned against Brian’s bicep and kissed it. “And more. There’s something I’ve been waiting to tell you and I think now that we’ve been properly joined…”

“You don’t want to hyphenate our names, do you?” Brian asked.

Justin hadn’t thought about that before, they’d gotten married so quickly that hadn’t even been a thought. “Uh, no. Why? Are you against me tacking on Kinney at the end of Taylor?”

Brian thought about it and figured that maybe it wasn’t so bad. “Would I have to tack on Taylor at the end of Kinney?”

“No, I think Taylor-Kinney sounds good but Kinney-Taylor, I just don’t think it has the same ring to it. But anyway, that’s not what I was going to say to you.”

“I’m listening,” Brian said and yawned. “What about our joining?”

“Well, you know how this estate…”

“Mansion.”

“Manor,” Justin continued, “whatever. You know how I said it needs a name?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I came up with one. Britin. It’s a joining of our names which now that we’ve joined in every other way possible, it makes even more sense.”

“You want to call the house Britin?” Brian scoffed. “That’s really cheesy, even for you.”

Justin jabbed Brian in his ribs and began to tickle him. “I am not cheesy.” He quickly slipped on top of Brian and straddled him, pinning the tired man’s arms to the mattress. “Now, what do you say to one more joining?”

Brian’s cock was already up; sore, but up, because Justin’s ass was rubbing all over it. “You’re sure you’re up for that?”

Justin bent down and kissed Brian, tasting the things they’d done on his tongue. “I’m always going to be up for it. I’ve got a lot of time to make up for and thousands of things I want to try.” He leaned back, spit on his hand and began to slick Brian’s cock with his spit and precome.

Brian put his hand on Justin’s wrist when he grabbed his cock. “Get the lube.”

“Don’t need it,” Justin said. “I doubt that you were actually able to lick it all out.”

“Ahhh, fuck,” Brian groaned in equal parts pain and pleasure as Justin’s tight heat swallowed his sensitive cock.

Justin seated himself completely on Brian and began to stroke his dick as he began to ride him. “This was one of my favorite fantasies.”

“Now it’s reality,” Brian said, fingers digging into Justin’s hips.

“All of my dreams have become reality since I met you, Brian.”

Brian wasn’t going to reply with a cheesy sentiment. He’d said enough to Justin and he was sure that Justin was on to him and knew just by looking at him that he felt the same way. Still, sometimes words didn’t hurt and it was their wedding night so he allowed himself a moment of confession, “I love you, Justin.”

Justin laughed and bent to kiss Brian. “Because your cock is in my ass?”

“That too,” Brian said. That was the thing about Justin. He had this way of making Brian not regret any of the sentimental things he did or said. Brian knew that it wasn’t just their bodies that fit together perfectly.

They would fight about stupid things; they would never agree on music, they would remain opposites on all the things that didn’t matter so that in the things that needed to matter the most, their unyielding determination and passion would be what kept them fitting together.

That meant everything.

The End

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