Ardor

Chapter Three: “Wonderwall”

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall ~ Oasis

 

Friday, July 11, 2003

“Oh look!” Justin hobbled toward the large purple bushes that lined the iron gate at the entrance to the park. “S…so many butterfingers. Look!”

Brian was confused at what Justin was talking about until he walked closer to the bushes and saw dozens of butterflies fluttering around. There were many different colors of them and Brian wondered if Justin was a butterfly enthusiast and knew all the different names for them. One of the blue and black ones landed on Justin’s shoulder and the young man started giggling. Brian instantly thought of his son and how excited he got whenever he found a bug of some kind that fascinated him.

Justin frowned a little as the insect flew away. “Oh.” He peered into the bushes and started to count to them aloud.

Brian laughed when Justin’s counting faltered. “You know it’s probably hard to keep track of which one you counted when they’re flying everywhere.”

Justin bit his lip and sighed. He hadn’t stopped counting because he couldn’t keep track of them, he just couldn’t remember what number came after twelve. He knew that he knew it, but he couldn’t remember its name.

“So which ones are the butterfinger?” Brian asked.

Justin laughed. “They’re all butterfingers.”

Brian was confused. “All of them? But they’re different species if they’re different colors, right?” He pointed to an orange and black one that rested on the iron gate. “Like that one is a monarch butterfly isn’t it?”

Justin sucked in a deep breath and turned away from Brian, embarrassed. Butterflies. They were butterflies, not butterfingers. Justin wasn’t sure what butterfingers were but they had to be some kind of butterfly. Brian had thought that was what he meant, that he was smart and knew the different kinds of species, but he didn’t. He closed his eyes and silently repeated to himself, They are called butterflies, butterflies, butterflies, butterflies. Not butterfingers. Butterflies. The orange and black ones are monarch butterflies.

Brian walked around to face Justin who had his eyes closed and a look of concentration on his face. “Are you making a wish?” he asked.

Justin opened his eyes and looked at Brian, feeling more embarrassed. “No...I…”

“It’s okay,” Brian smiled. “When I was little, my grandmother used to tell me to wish on butterflies too. She said that when you see one, you should wish on it like it's a star because they’re the stars we have on Earth.” He couldn’t believe he’d remembered that. But it was one of his few good memories from his childhood.

“Oh.” Justin nodded and started walking into the park.

“So what did you wish for?” Brian asked.

Justin knew what to say. His mother had told him this on his birthday. “I can’t tell you or it w…won’t come real.”

“It won’t come true,” Brian corrected before he could stop himself. He was so used to correcting Gus’ language and as he did, he realized how odd it was that Justin had spoken like that.

“Yes,” Justin whispered. Taking a walk and talking to Brian was a lot harder than he thought it would be and he wondered if maybe his mother had been right not to want him to talk to people.

“How about we sit down over there?” Brian suggested. It was a nice, cool day for July, but the sun had been beating down on them during the walk and he needed to cool off a little.

Justin looked to where Brian was pointing, there were four sets of benches that surrounded a fountain underneath large trees that shaded the area. However, near them he saw some of the kids who always teased him. He looked around the park and saw a large willow tree far away from the teenagers. “Under that t…t…tree, okay?” Justin asked, pointing toward it with his cane.

Brian nodded. “Sure.” He wasn’t entirely thrilled about possibly getting grass stains on his pants, but he could always stop by the loft and change if he needed to.

Justin dropped down on the grass and leaned back against the trunk of the tree. He smiled up at Brian when he saw the man taking off his shoes and socks and then did the same. He rubbed his bare feet in the cool grass and sighed, “Feels good.”

“It does,” Brian said and sat beside Justin. They were both silent for a few minutes and Brian who never felt awkward suddenly began to feel that way. He could tell that Justin did too, so he decided to break the silence and asked, “Do you remember anything about the time you were in your coma?”

Justin shook his head. “No. I don’t…remember any… anything.”

“Well it’s probably for the better, right?” Brian asked, staring up at the large white puffy clouds in the sky. He was sure that one of them looked like a cock.

“W…why would that be better?” Justin asked, confused.

“Well there’s not much to do in a hospital, right? Not unless you really like watching daytime television. Nothing to remember.”

Justin realized that Brian had misunderstood him and didn’t understand that he meant that he couldn’t remember anything at all. He was about to explain it to Brian, but he wondered if his mother had been right and if the man knew then he would take advantage of him. Justin didn’t think the man would be mean like that, but he couldn’t be certain so he decided not to tell him yet. “What did you r…read to me?”

“Lots of stuff, but mostly I read books about raising a baby.”

“Have you read Ha…ha…ha… Harry Potter?” Justin asked.

Brian shook his head and laughed. “No, not yet but I’m sure when Gus gets older he’ll make me read them to him. Do you like fantasy books?”

Justin grinned. “I like all books. I read a lot! Mmm my mom doesn’t like me to w…watch too much TV. She said there’s t...too much bad stuff on it.”

Brian couldn’t believe that Jennifer was controlling what her adult son watched on television. “Well, I’m sure you could decide what you think is bad TV.”

Justin liked that idea. “I could,” he said firmly. “Oh!”

“What?” Brian asked, finding it funny how many times Justin used that word.

“How old is y…your son?”

“He’ll be four next month, he was born a few months before you were hurt. How old are you?”

“Twenty-five.” As soon as Justin said it, he knew the answer was wrong. “No…no. I’m…” The Elaine woman said he was five but he knew that wasn’t right. He was… “Two. Twenty-two.”

Brian realized that as weird as it was for him to talk to Justin, the young man was obviously suffering from anxiety as well as the PTSD. “Hey,” he put his hand on Justin’s knee, “you don’t have to be anxious with me. I know it’s hard for you to talk to people, I heard you and your mom talking about that. Anyone that’s gone through what you have would be the same way. But hey, I’m not really good at talking to people either because that’s just how I am, so you don’t need to feel nervous answering my questions. Hell, if there's anything you don't want to answer just say so, all right?”

Justin’s heartbeat raced and his stomach flip-flopped from Brian’s touch. He didn’t understand why Brian could make him feel like this if he liked girls, had a baby and wasn’t gay like him. He wanted to know more about the man. “Your son?” he asked, hoping Brian would answer his earlier question and tell him a little more about himself. There was something so captivating about the man, Justin didn’t understand what it was but he felt as if he needed to know him.

Brian wasn’t too keen on telling someone he hardly knew about his son, he was hesitant about it but he also felt comfortable enough to do so. After all, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t already told Justin countless details about his life and his son, even if the man didn’t remember it. What would it hurt if he told him again? He probably wouldn’t see Justin again after today. He just needed to satisfy his curiosity about Justin’s recovery and he supposed he could satisfy Justin’s curiosity about him. “My friend wanted to have a baby with her partner and she wanted me to be the baby’s father.”

Justin wondered why someone would want a baby to have that many parents, but he didn’t ask because he thought it was probably something that he knew about before.

“My friend, Lindsay and her partner Mel, they were in a car accident,” Brian spoke quietly, effortlessly remembering the events of that night. “Mel died in the crash before help could get there, but Lindsay…she fought to stay alive because she was pregnant with our son and she wanted to make sure he was okay. The doctors weren’t sure that either of them would live, but Gus did.”

Justin felt a deep ache for the man beside him but didn’t know what he could do to help him feel better. “I’m sorry your friends died, but I'm glad your son lived.”

Brian sighed and tried to get the image of Lindsay telling him that she wanted them to save the baby instead of her out of his mind. “Gus wasn’t supposed to be born yet. He was supposed to be able to grow inside Lindsay for a long time still, so they didn’t think he’d make it. He had a lot of problems when he was born and he had to stay in the NICU there. That’s why I was at the hospital. I spent almost all day, every day, there with him and slept in this little chair beside him at night. My friend Cynthia knew that I needed to get some time to myself though, so she and the nurses watched over Gus. One of the nurses told me about you. She said you were alone at night and so I would take a break from Gus and come read to you.”

“Thank you,” Justin said. “I don’t r…remember but thank you.”

“I’m glad you’re okay now.”

“I will be,” Justin said determinedly. “Gus is okay now?”

Brian grinned proudly. “Yeah, he’s healthy and smart and a wonderful kid. I never thought I’d be a full-time father but Gus is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I just wish he would’ve gotten to know his mothers.”

“Mothers?” Justin asked, confused. “Mel is a girl?”

“Yes, Melanie was her name, but we all called her Mel.”

“S…so they’re homosexuals like me?” Justin asked.

“And me,” Brian added and in silly tone he said, “I also prefer to have sex with people of my own sex.”

Justin flushed in embarrassment. “I dddd….don’t do that! I’m not…not ma…married!”

Brian’s eyes widened and the innocent look and the way Justin spoke had him biting his lip to stop himself from laughing at the statement. He wasn’t sure how to respond to this and wondered just how sheltered Jennifer Taylor had kept her son before he was bashed. How could someone who was twenty-two years old not know that people had sex even when they weren’t married? He had to tell him because it just wasn't in Brian to allow that to go on. “People have sex when they’re not married, Justin. Gay people and straight people.”

“Oh!” Justin gasped. “Mommy and Daddy do too?”

Brian had heard Justin call his mother this before, but hearing him ask such a question and call both of his parents ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ in such an innocent voice had Brian reeling. He felt like a pervert. “Justin, we shouldn’t be talking about this.” Brian reached forward to grab his shoes but Justin gripped his arm stopping him.

“I know what s…sex is,” Justin said with determination not to let the discussion end. Brian liked boys just like he did! “I have it in a magazine. I’m n…not a kid, Brian.”

Justin’s words made Brian feel even worse. He was frightened by his own stupidity and wondered how he hadn’t noticed it before. There was something very wrong with Justin. Some kind of learning disability that was probably there before he had been bashed. Brian wondered if the person that had attacked him thought Justin would be easy prey and wouldn’t understand what was happening to him and fight back. This would explain why Jennifer Taylor had been so protective of her son. He didn’t have the capability or understanding to take care of himself. Brian felt sick and mournful for the young man beside him as he wondered why Jennifer had agreed to let Justin be alone with him if this was the case.

He was certain that post-traumatic stress caused Justin to stutter and be anxious, but there had to be something worse than that. So many quirks he noticed about Justin came into his mind as evidence to his realization. Justin emphasized words that didn’t need to be stressed and lacked social speaking skills. On the walk to the park, he had pointed out flowers and birds and told Brian about all of them in the same manner that Gus did when Brian took him to the park. Brian had passed off the childlike attitude as Justin being young or having a love for the environment or just as part of Justin’s personality. Butterfingers, Brian thought. He confused the word butterfly with butterfingers. They’re not a species of butterfly!

“My… my Daddy said…”

Justin had been talking and Brian had to force himself to focus on the young man without giving away what he was thinking.

“…that you share s…s…sex and being naked with a…” Justin tried to search for the words his father had told him but his brain was having a hard time grabbing them from his memory. He went on talking, hoping he was correct, “…with a roman partner and if they want it too.”

Brian’s body was completely still as he took in what Justin had told him. He ached for him, for the man Justin was trying to be. It was so incredibly sad and Brian wished he wouldn’t have jumped to conclusions with Jennifer and had listened to her. Obviously, she hadn’t explained Justin’s real issues because she wasn’t ashamed of him, as Brian had accused her of being. “Romantic,” he said in a miserable voice, correcting the word Justin had used. “It’s romantic partner.”

Justin nodded. “Daddy said I can’t tell Mommy that I’m gay.”

Brian gulped around the lump in his throat and asked, “Why?” The woman had to know he was gay, that was one of the reasons the other kid had attacked him, wasn’t it?

“She isn’t ready for me to g…grow up.” Like I was before, Justin thought to himself.

Brian had to bring the boy back home to his mother; he couldn’t handle this discomfited feeling festering inside of him any longer. He grabbed Justin’s shoes and socks and handed them to him before getting his own. “We should get back. I have some things to go over with your mom, all right?”

“Oh.”

Brian had put on his socks and shoes and he noticed that Justin was struggling to tie his. Justin couldn’t seem to manipulate the string to go around the loop. Brian saw him biting his lip and getting frustrated and asked, “Do you want me to help?”

Justin’s eyebrows knit together and he shook his head. “I’m not a baby,” he muttered.

Brian had wished his curiosity hadn’t gotten the best of him and he would have left Justin alone. He didn’t want to think of Justin like this. He had spent so many nights at the hospital telling Justin things about the world, things he could see and reasons why he had to wake up and live to see them all. It wasn’t that he didn’t think that Justin couldn’t live a wonderful life being the way he was. It was that, even though he had denied it to himself, he had thought that maybe he and Justin might have been able to be friends and share some of their life together. They had a connection and Justin obviously felt it too. Now, Brian felt gutted. “Listen, I don’t think you’re a baby, but it’s starting to get hot out here and I’d like to help you tie your shoes so that we can get back into some air conditioning.”

Justin gave up and dropped his hands. “Ohhhhkay.”

Brian quickly tied one of the shoes and began to tie the other when he heard Justin mutter something under his breath. “What?”

Justin tried to knock Brian’s hands away from his shoes. “Let me.”

“Look at the retard!” a boy yelled from behind them, startling Brian. He skated past them on the sidewalk. “He’s gotta have his big brother tie his shoes!”

Right behind the kid, a bunch of young boys on bikes followed him, all of them chanting, “Fagtard!” and a slew of other disgusting insults.

Brian jumped to his feet and yelled back, “Fuck you, you little cock snots!” He felt like beating the pulp out of all the kids but there was no way he was going to chase down a group of boys whose balls hadn’t even dropped and punch their lights out, no matter how much he wanted to. He felt helpless.

“My brother went to school with the fagtard!” one of the boys yelled to the other kids, now on the other side of the park. “He said the sissy used to be so smart! Then he got his head banged around and now he can’t even remember how to tie his shoes or wipe his own ass!”

The answering laughter from the other kids made Brian even more furious. He looked down at Justin and saw his blond head hanging low in shame. Brian felt ashamed at his own prejudiced thoughts. Wasn’t he thinking just like these kids not five seconds ago, maybe not as cruelly, but just as ignorant? He was ready to get as far away from him as possible because he thought Justin was mentally handicapped. If what the asshole kid had said was true, Justin wasn’t or…he hadn’t always been the way he was now. Still, Brian knew that shouldn’t have made a difference in his behavior and he thought about all the years he waited for Gus to grow up to see if he had learning disabilities. He had been terrified of Gus not having friends and living in a world that considered him less because of people's fears and ignorance. Gus was very smart but he was still young and there was still a possibility that he could have delays that had yet to be discovered.

Brian couldn't believe how quickly he had let his fears change his attitude toward Justin. He squatted down beside Justin and touched his shoulder. “Hey. Don’t fucking listen to them.” He went back to tying Justin’s shoe, waiting for the young man to respond or look at him but Justin said nothing. "You hear me, Justin? Don't listen to them."

Justin wished that he had chosen to walk around the block with Brian. He shouldn’t have taken the man here to the park and they should’ve left as soon as he saw the boys who always made fun of him. He felt so stupid.

“Justin?” Brian pushed the blond locks of hair away from Justin's forehead and titled his chin up to look at him but Justin’s eyes focused behind him. “Do you want to go home now?”

“Yes,” Justin whispered. He grabbed his cane from beside him and stood up. He couldn’t look at Brian; he didn’t want to see how differently the man looked at him now that he knew the truth about him, just as so many other people did.

Brian’s heart beat erratically; he didn’t know what he could say to make Justin feel better. It was obvious this was something Justin dealt with a lot; he seemed to accept it, which wasn’t right. Though, Brian guessed that Justin didn’t really have a choice, he couldn’t defend himself. “Don’t let those fuckers get to you, okay? They don’t know shit!”

Justin looked at his feet through his tear-filled eyes and shook his head. “They…they were r…right.”

Brian tilted Justin’s face up, and with his palms wiped away the tears that fell down his cheeks and asked, “What were they right about?”

“I’m retarded. I c…can’t speak right. I don’t know how to walk right. I can’t th… think right. I’m retarded now.”

Brian was sure that wasn’t how mentally impaired persons referred to themselves, and after hearing what the boys had said, he wasn’t sure he believed that was accurate. “No, you’re not. You’re the way you are now because of what happened to you, right? And if you weren’t, it doesn’t give them the right to say those things to you.”

“You…you know they are right. You don’t have to imagine it’s not true.”

Brian stopped himself from correcting Justin and telling him the word he meant to use was ‘pretend’. “They’re bullies and bullies say a lot of dumb shit.”

Justin shook his head. “You… you don’t get it.”

“You’re right,” Brian said, “I don’t, so please explain it to me.”

“I was hurt.”

“I know,” Brian replied.

“In my brain,” Justin said, his words barely whispered. “I’m like they say because I don’t r…rrrr… remember anything at all.”

Brian dreaded the answer to the question he needed to ask but knew he had to. “You don’t remember anything about your life before you were hurt?”

“I don’t remember life,” Justin said.

This time, Justin had emphasized the word properly. Brian’s mouth went dry and he struggled to ask, “Nothing?”

“No,” Justin said and began walking toward the park exit. “Except my dead dog and my friend who doesn’t see me anymore.”

Brian walked beside Justin, silent for a few minutes as he struggled with all the conflicting emotions inside of him.

“The doctor Elaine my parents m….make me talk to thinks I’m only five years old.”

“When you came out of your coma?” Brian asked. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what Justin must have had to go through if he woke up with no memory.

“Now,” Justin said, “she thinks so now. That’s… that’s why you wanted to go back because I d…did sss…something or said something t…to make you see what she does. You see what they all do.”

Brian felt like his blood had suddenly become lead and found it hard to keep up with Justin’s slow walking because his body felt stiff. The kid was more than just lonely and Brian had enough friends and enough of his own issues in his life to deal with. He was a father and he had to focus on raising Gus, not on…well, he didn’t know what the fuck he’d do with Justin. He felt pity for him and that wasn’t any reason for him to come into Justin’s life and possibly fuck it all up. He had no idea what kind of life Justin was even living and if there was room for him in it. He didn’t think he could be any good for Justin, but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting Justin to think differently of him. “No,” he spoke finally, “that isn’t true. I like you, just the way you are and you're a young man who was hurt and is trying to get better.”

Justin’s eyes brightened as he glanced over at Brian. “S…so you want to be my friend now?”

Brian didn’t have a place for Justin in his life but the hope in the young man’s voice was so endearing and Brian knew that he couldn’t bear to turn Justin down. Brian hadn’t been bothered by any of Justin’s ‘quirks’ until he realized that they were a mental impairment, which as he thought about this, it was pretty fucked up that he was. He had liked Justin, just the way he was and it shouldn’t have suddenly mattered to him. He had behaved no worse than the bullies had and he wasn’t sure he could forgive himself for that. Still, he didn’t know how he could be Justin’s friend but he wanted to. Justin had been there for him, even if he didn’t know it and would never remember the things he’d confessed to him. Justin had helped him, had been his companion and now, Brian knew that fate or maybe just coincidence had brought them together again. This time, Justin needed him, even if Brian had no idea where to start with helping him.

“You don’t want to?” Justin asked when Brian didn’t answer. He liked Brian. The man was handsome, smart and he stood up to his mom for him! Justin had really liked that.

“No,” Brian said quickly, making the decision. “I want to, Justin. I want to be your friend.”

Justin giggled. “Good!”

Brian smiled. “But, I think you should know that I’m really busy with work and taking care of my son, so I might not get to hang out with you a lot.”

Justin shrugged. “Okay.”

They rounded the block and Brian could see a car was parked behind his in the driveway of Justin’s house.

Justin immediately began to walk faster. “That’s mmm…my daddy! He’s here!”

Brian gulped and wondered what meeting Justin’s father would be like. He followed Justin up the driveway and saw Jennifer sitting on the back porch steps beside a man who was obviously sizing him up. Jennifer, on the other hand, was smiling at him and Justin.

“Did you have a good walk?” Jennifer asked, standing up and hugging Justin. She seemed to be looking him over the way Brian did to Gus.

“Uh-huh,” Justin answered. He wasn’t going to tell his mother about the bullies. “Daddy!”

Craig’s expression changed to delight as he stood and embraced his son. “Dad, remember?” Craig whispered this, but it was still loud enough for everyone to hear.

Justin nodded. “Dad, why are you here so soon?”

“I came a little early to talk to your mother about something.” Craig turned his attention to Brian. “I was surprised when she told me you went on a walk with Mr. Kinney.”

“It’s Brian,” Brian spoke and held out his hand. “I was the one who read to Justin while he was in the hospital.”

“Craig Taylor,” the man said and shook Brian’s hand. He gave Brian a small smile. “Jennifer told me that when I got here and found out my son was off taking a walk with some strange man.”

“Dad!” Justin yelled angrily. “He’s my…my friend!”

“Okay, Justin,” Craig said worriedly. The last thing he wanted to do was upset his son. “Why don’t you go inside and watch a movie? Your mother has work to do for Brian.”

Justin looked over at Brian and his blue eyes watered. “You’ll c…come back?”

Brian nodded. “I will. But remember what I said about me being busy with work and my son, and now trying to find a house too?”

“Yeah.” Justin brightened. “Okay. Bye.”

“Later,” Brian whispered and watched as the boy walked up the steps to the back porch.

“Justin, wait,” Jennifer said and waited for Justin to turn back toward them. “Your father and I have cancelled your appointment with Elaine. But we’re still taking you to your physical therapist at three. So why don’t you go take a hot bath to loosen up your muscles before you settle in for a movie?”

Justin nodded at his mother and disappeared inside the house.

The moment the door closed, Jennifer began grilling Brian. “How was Justin’s walking?”

“He seemed fine from what I could tell,” Brian told her. “I’d like to know where Justin is at this point in his recovery.”

“What should that matter to you?” Craig asked defensively.

“Because Justin obviously needs a friend. He wants me to be his friend, he’s lonely and I…” Brian wasn’t sure what he was doing defending himself to Justin’s parents. “I want to be his friend. Seeing Justin, while my son was in the NICU, it helped me more than you could know and if there’s anything I can do to help him, then I want to do it.”

Craig narrowed his eyes at Brian. “I don’t see how you could do anything to help him.”

“Like I said,” Brian said gruffly. “I’ll be his friend. He needs someone to talk to who isn’t a therapist or his parents.”

“Brian,” Jennifer said in a placating tone, “it’s sweet that you want to do that but he’s just a child and you’re…”

“He’s not a child, Jennifer,” Craig cut the woman off. “He’s twenty-two and maybe…” he sighed, “maybe the fact that Justin is comfortable enough to be alone with Brian means that he really does need his friendship.” He stared at Brian again. “I just don’t understand what you get out of it.”

Brian shrugged. “I honestly don’t get it either. I’d probably be cautious of someone striking up a friendship with my son if he had the same problems that Justin has, but Justin isn’t always going to be the way he is now, right? There’s room for improvement?”

“And if there’s not?” Jennifer asked. “Will you stop being his friend?”

“No,” Brian said adamantly, “I just want to know where Justin is in his progress.”

“Brian, how about we go into my office and talk, and we can also talk about finding you a house,” Jennifer suggested.

“All right.” Brian realized with startling clarity that he was about to complicate his life in ways that he knew couldn’t be predicted or controlled.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

Cynthia closed Brian’s office door behind her and crossed her arms over her chest. “So, you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Brian slumped further into his chair and gestured for his friend and business partner to sit down.

Cynthia sat down and took the opportunity to kick off her high heels. Her feet were already swelling and she was only five months pregnant. She wondered when she’d have to start wearing flats. “So you gonna tell me or just watch me rub my feet?” she asked.

Brian sighed. “Do you know exactly who Jennifer Taylor is?”

Cynthia thought for a moment. “Well, her husband owns that big electronics chain. Why? Are you planning on pitching to him?”

Brian smirked. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea, but no. Jennifer Taylor happens to be Justin Taylor’s mother.”

Cynthia nodded. She knew that the woman had both a son and daughter but she didn’t know why Brian was so interested in the son. “What? Don’t tell me you fucked him in your former life.”

Brian laughed. “No. Definitely not. He would’ve only been like seventeen.”

“As if that would’ve stopped you,” Cynthia teased. “So, who is he?”

“He’s the boy who was in a coma, the one who was bashed; the one I read to while Gus was in the hospital.”

“Holy shit!” Cynthia exclaimed. “Small world!”

Brian rolled his eyes. “That seems to be the consensus.”

“So… how is he?”

“He’s…” Brian thought about Justin’s diagnosis and the treatment and therapy Jennifer had explained he’d gone through. Her rehashing had been blunt and filled with so much information Brian had barely been able to manage to get his thoughts collected for the ‘house hunt’ part of their meeting. “Justin woke from the coma in practically the same state as a newborn.”

“Oh god,” Cynthia gasped. “And how is he now?”

“Jennifer gave me the medical play-by-play and he’s improved a lot but…” Brian paused and decided against telling her about him going to the park with Justin. For now, though he didn’t know why, he wanted to keep that to himself. “But he still doesn’t remember much of anything. He has physical impairments, a severe limp and walks with a cane and something is wrong with his hands to the point that he has trouble tying his shoes, all due to his loss of motor control. But that isn’t the worst of it. He has a hard time speaking and making eye contact and the PTSD he’s suffering from makes him uncomfortable around people. Jennifer said sometimes he has debilitating headaches which usually signal he’ll be in an emotional rage or some shit. But when I met him, at first, I didn’t see any of that. I just thought he was a little odd, you know? He sees the world as if he’s seeing it for the first time and he probably is, because from what I overheard of an argument Jennifer had with Justin, it sounds like she doesn’t take him out to experience it. She’s really overprotective and afraid for him, which I get, but I think it’s holding him back. He’s smart, you can tell that in the first few minutes of talking to him, but I think his parents are trying to hide him from the evils of the world and he isn’t behaving like a twenty-two year old should.”

“How much time did you spend with Justin?” Cynthia asked. Brian’s concern about Justin was palpable but there was something else there she could tell he was keeping from her.

“A little, we got to talking while his mother was busy,” Brian replied. “He’s lonely and from what he says, he doesn’t have any friends. He asked me to be his friend.”

“Jesus, Brian, what did you say to him?”

“I told him that I was busy with the house hunt, with my son, with work…”

“But you told him you’d be his friend,” Cynthia surmised in awe.

Brian nodded and raked his hands through his hair. “I shouldn’t have. I mean, this kid, Cyn, he’s like… he’s so damn innocent. I don’t want to fuck him up, but at the same time I think that maybe he needs someone in his life that doesn’t treat him like he's a child. I think that maybe if he had someone like that, he might get better, faster. The question is why the fuck do I even give a shit?”

Cynthia leaned back and looked at her friend with wide eyes. “Why do you?”

Brian shook his head. “I honestly don’t know. There’s this… this thing there between us and even his innocence can’t stop me from feeling it. It’s totally freaking me out.”

“Well maybe you need to just take things slowly and not think too much about it. If what you’re saying is right about Justin then he may need you. Maybe its fate just bringing you back into each other's lives so this time, you, can help him.”

“But what am I even helping him do?” Brian asked, frustrated.

“Become the best possible homosexual he could possibly be?” Cynthia suggested.

Brian snorted. “Oh, I’m sure his parents would love that.”

“They should,” Cynthia said softly, “because you obviously see Justin as more than just a hurt kid, you see him as a young man struggling to be more than what his injuries have caused him to be now.”

Brian felt a weight lift off his shoulders and managed to give Cynthia a genuine smile. “You know I love you, right?”

Cynthia smirked. “Of course. So tell me about the house hunting? Did you see any listings you liked?”

Brian nodded. “I’m going to take Wednesday off to go house hunting. I figured you could handle the pitch with Lindale Foods alone.”

“Of course.”

“Well I thought I’d take Gus along with me. Jennifer has a bunch of different houses for us to look at, and upon my suggestion, which she wasn’t very happy about at first, she’s going to bring Justin with her.”

“Why wasn’t she happy about it?”

“She said that Justin’s psychologist, who he’s now no longer seeing, had said that going out to new places could trigger a breakdown. However, she and her husband have decided to find a new psychologist because they didn’t like how she was dealing with Justin, so Jennifer reluctantly agreed to take him with us.”

“But what if he does freak out?” Cynthia asked worriedly.

“He can’t be kept locked up. Besides, I think it’d be good for him. His mother said that the only memories he has of his old life came back to him while they were at the park. I think he needs to be stimulated and then maybe more things will come back to him. Maybe he won’t ever be the same as he was, but he could improve.”

“You’re probably right,” Cynthia said hopefully. She could hardly believe how invested Brian was in Justin’s Taylor’s well-being. She knew that he had no idea how deep he’d already gotten himself in, and she looked forward to meeting the young man that had gotten under Brian’s skin.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, July 14, 2003

Mitchell rushed through the front door and slammed it behind him. “Daphne! Daphne!”

Daphne ran from down the hall, the basket of laundry she’d gotten out of the dryer in her hands. “What? What’s going on? Why are you home so early?”

Mitchell ran over to his wife and took the basket from her, placed it on the floor and then brought her into his arms. “I have news! Wonderful, spectacular news for you!” He began to kiss all over her face. “Where’s Justice?”

“She’s over at the neighbor’s, playing with Allie. Why?”

“Well, I didn’t want her to overhear this because what I’m going to tell you has to do with Justin.”

“What? Have you found out if he’s…”

“Oh shit, no!” Mitchell interrupted and led Daphne to sit down on the sofa beside him. “I don’t know anything about him, but it’s about us going to the U.S.!”

“What?” Daphne asked. “Tell me!”

“The last couple of days I’ve been talking to Alan Fugate about you and what’s been going on with Justin.”

“You told him,” Daphne said, dryly. “I don’t want a stranger knowing…”

“He’s my boss, the chief of staff. And he’s also my friend. We were talking about it because he knows we’re leaving to go to the U.S. and he was asking me why we were going there.”

“Okay,” Daphne said slowly. “So what does this have to do with Justin?”

“Well it has to do with all of us. You see, Alan’s sister owns ‘Sleeth Family Medical Center’ in Morgantown, West Virginia.”

“I’m still not seeing how…”

“Let me talk,” Mitchell hushed his wife, smiling at her. “Morgantown is only like an hour, or so he tells me, from Pittsburgh. She’s looking to hire another OBGYN because they’re expanding and she was trying to get Alan to go back to the States. But he really doesn’t want to leave London, he loves it here.”

Daphne could see where this was going and though she loved him for it, Mitchell had already given her so much. “But so do you and…”

“I don’t love it as much as I love you and I certainly don’t love it as much as I would love for Justice to know her father. You still have other friends there too, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Daphne said, her mind floating. “But you’re studying and you can’t…”

“I can study there,” Mitchell said. “Alan is speaking to his sister tonight and he’s going to talk to me tomorrow. He says that if she’s interested, she’ll want to interview me as soon as possible so we might have to leave sooner than Friday. Are you all right with that?”

“But what about my…”

“Your schooling? You’re between semesters. You can transfer there, can’t you? It’s worth it, isn’t it?”

Daphne looked at Mitchell and couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have met a man who was so giving and loving. “You really want to do this?”

“Daphne, even if I don’t get hired there, then I’ll try for somewhere else. Hell, even if we lived in California, it’d be closer to Pittsburgh then here.”

“But what about your family?”

“They’re all around the world, you know that. I’ll be closer to some and further away from others, but you and Justice and our little peanut, you’re the family that matters most to me. I want to do everything I can to make sure that Justice knows that I love her enough to do this for you both.”

Daphne threw her arms around Mitchell and proceeded to kiss him until they were both breathless. “You’re…the most amazing…man I’ve ever known,” she gasped. “I love you.”

Mitchell held his wife tight. For the first time since learning about Justin being awake, he felt secure in the knowledge that his family would be all right. He didn’t ever want Daphne or Justice to have to choose between him and Justin, no matter how much he knew that his wife loved him, there would still be room for resentment. He needed to do this for them as much for himself. “I love you, too.”
 

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