Ardor

Chapter One: “A Glimpse”

Warnings: Circumstantially Out of Character, References to Violence, Disability!Fic

Wednesday, June 18, 2002
Pittsburgh

Justin continuously rubbed his left thigh as he walked beside his mother along the nature trail that circled Mcgunnagle playground. He hated taking walks, but hated when his mother insisted they take them at the park even more.

“Does your leg hurt?” Jennifer asked.

“No. It wa...won’t wa…work.” Justin breathed deeply and concentrated on taking the next step with his left leg, slowly placing the heel of his foot down first.

“Good job, Justin,” Jennifer praised. She watched her son take four more perfect steps before she caught up with him. “You did it!”

Justin smoothed his sweaty long bangs out of his eyes and smiled. “I did!” he shouted excitedly and hugged Jennifer. “I d...d…did it!”

“There’s the retard hugging his Mommy!”

“Watch out, fag boy!”

Jennifer’s head whipped to her right. She saw a group of teenage boys on skateboards and bikes rounding the curve a few feet away. Fear flashed through her as she realized they were riding at top-speed directly toward her and Justin. She quickly pulled Justin off the track and into the grass as the teens barreled past them.

“Fucking ‘tard, fucking fairy freak!” the last boy to pass them shouted loudly amongst the other muffled obscenities.

“Fuck you!” Justin yelled back, his words clear and strong.

“You wish! Dumbass cock-sucking queer,” another boy called back.

“Fuck you!” Justin yelled again, having the last word.

Jennifer stared at her son in surprise. “What did you say?”

“F… fuck you,” Justin repeated nonchalantly and began walking again. Almost every time he went anywhere with his mother people would stare at him, yell out bad words or whisper about him. The gang of kids at the park constantly harassed him. It was nothing new and usually he didn’t get upset about it. He usually cowered away behind his mother but today something inside of him had snapped. Now that he’d yelled back, a feeling he couldn’t describe swelled inside of him.

“Where did you hear that?” She had censored everything Justin read, watched and heard the last two years.

“The Big.. k..k..Q,” Justin said, lying. “On… on Saturday.”

Jennifer sighed. “Well don’t say that again.” She wasn’t sure if she was more surprised that Justin had actually cursed, or because he’d actually used the curse word in the correct manner.

“Why?”

Jennifer wondered how many times Justin would ask that question each day. Today, and it was only noon, the count was at least twenty. “It’s impolite to speak that way. Nice people don’t use bad words like that. Those kids aren’t nice kids.”

Justin thought about the story he’d read in the magazine he found hidden in his room that morning. He had many good feelings inside his body when he looked at the pictures and read the bad words that told naughty short stories. He had decided that he wasn’t going to talk to his mother about it, because there were only men in the magazine and something told Justin that his mother wouldn’t like that he’d looked at it. He knew that even though he hadn’t remembered and would never remember hiding it away, he had probably hidden it for a reason. He wondered if his mother knew how much he liked reading it if she’d think he wasn’t nice.

“Don’t worry about what those boys said,” Jennifer consoled misinterpreting Justin’s worried expression. “You have a higher IQ than all those boys’ IQs combined,” she proudly told him.

Justin nodded his head and stepped back onto the path. After learning how to read again, he relearned all school subjects quickly. He had taken online college courses last year and would be taking more in the fall. He told his mother that he wanted to go to a real school and learn there, but his mother was against that because emotionally and physically she said he was not ready.

Justin figured his mother was probably right. It was hard for him to be in crowds unless she was there to reassure him that he was safe and if people, especially men, got too close to him, a feeling of utter despair would set upon Justin and leave him immobile or violently angry. Unable to stop himself, he’d shut down, lash out or go into total hysterics. Elaine Kersey, the therapist he visited once a week backed his mother on slowly integrating Justin back into the world. She didn’t think it was wise or safe for him or other students to let him attend college. Elaine and his mother constantly told him that once he was ‘better’ he’d be able to do everything he used to do. After every session, Justin would ask his therapist how long it would be before he was better and every week she’d tell him that next week he’d be closer to being better.

Justin wanted to get better so badly, but it seemed like his physical and emotional recovery was taking forever. Every night he’d look up at the stars and wish that tomorrow would be the day that he’d wake up and be the boy he used to be. Every day that didn’t happen, Justin would awaken even more determined to one day be all better.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian nervously paced behind the pediatrician.

“His eyes are fine, Mr. Kinney,” Dr. Moone said, looking over his shoulder. “But if it’ll ease your mind, I’ll recommend an ophthalmologist you can take him to.”

“What if it’s not even his eyes? What if it’s a seizure? He could be having seizures and we don’t even know it,” Brian persisted. He grabbed Gus off the exam table and held him close, running his hands through his thick head of auburn hair.

Dr. Moone understood Brian’s concerns. Raising a child that was so severely premature put any parent on high alert whenever they experienced their child doing any behavior that was odd to them. “Often, young children stare off into space because they’re learning and taking in their environment. The MRI he had nine months ago showed us nothing of concern.”

In the middle of the night, Gus had fallen out of his crib and cracked the back of his head open, needing four staples and eleven stitches to secure the wound. Brian felt horribly guilty about that. Brian had been reluctant to take Gus out of the crib and give him a toddler bed, but had refrained because Gus was still small enough to fit in it. That incident had taken the decision from him. The MRI has been done fairly recently so Dr. Moone didn’t feel it was necessary to put Gus through another. However, to ease his and Brian’s mind about the ‘staring in space episodes’, he suggested, “I can schedule him for an MRI and an EEG as well as run some blood tests to be certain that he isn’t epileptic. I’d like to send the scans to a Pediatrician friend who specializes in childhood Epilepsy, but it might take a few weeks for him to review them. Would that be all right?”

Brian shivered in fear at the thought of putting Gus through more tests. “I don’t want to put him through more tests, but if he’s having absence seizures its better if it’s diagnosed early, correct?”

Dr. Moone nodded. Knowing how protective Brian Kinney was of his child, he knew it was best to go ahead with the tests. He didn’t want to scare the man and he honestly didn’t think there was anything wrong with Gus, but because of Gus’ medical history, he needed to be sure and his friend would give him a clear diagnosis that others not specializing in childhood Epilepsy might miss. “Yes, it is better if it is caught early. Will tomorrow work for you?”

Brian didn’t need to check his appointment book; he didn’t care what he had scheduled at work. Gus was his number one priority. “That’s fine.”

Dr. Moone wrote on Gus’ chart and asked, “Any other concerns?”

Brian ran his hand down Gus’ back, feeling his ribs more notably. “You’re sure he isn’t too skinny?”

“He was a plump little boy only a few months ago, Mr. Kinney. He hasn’t lost weight, he’s just gained height, and a lot of it in the last three months. As long as you say he still has an appetite then I am sure he’ll be back to being a pudgy toddler in no time. It’s very rare for children, especially preemies, to soar up in height the way he has. I’ve seen it before though, so there’s no reason to worry. I’m sure that by his third birthday, he’ll have balanced out once again. Because he is growing taller so quickly, he might need more calcium in his diet. Do you still have him on a daily vitamin regiment?”

“The Flintstones ones with the added calcium, Vitamin C and an Iron tablet for his anemia.”

“Good, good,” Dr. Moone said, running one finger beneath Gus’ eyes. “I can definitely tell that the iron is working, he barely shows any signs of iron deficiency now. I’ll have them test for that once again too so that we can see where his levels are for that. I think it might be a good idea to get him drinking some of those Pediasure shakes. Have you heard of those?”

Brian laughed. “I do the advertising for them.”

Dr. Moone smiled. “Well, from a medical perspective I do believe they can be helpful with a child’s growth and weight gain. Get some of them, or even the off-brand, which has all the same benefits, and have Gus drink one every day for the next couple of months. We’ll wait until his third year check-up to see if that’s made a difference and go from there.”

“All right,” Brian agreed. He tilted Gus’ chin up so his tired little boy would look at him. “When we’re done here we can stop at the store and get you a shake, Sonny-boy, what do you think about that.”

“Shake?” Gus asked, perking up and looking around. “Bye, bye, Doctor Moone. Bye bye!” he told the man, waving at him.

Brian laughed. “In a few minutes we’ll leave, Gus. Then you can pick out any flavor of shake you want, okay?”

“Ohhhkayyy.” Gus nodded and smiled, before burying his face against Brian’s neck once again. “Sweepy.”

Brian kissed Gus’ head and whispered. “I know you are. It’s almost nap time, just stay awake until we get home and you can have your shake there, all right?”

“Shake?” Gus asked again, popping his head up and batting his dark eyelashes. “McD’s shake?”

Brian rolled his eyes and cursed Cynthia for getting his son addicted to McDonalds’ strawberry milkshakes. “No, not McDonalds. We’ll get them from the grocery store and then we’ll put them in our fridge at home and you can have one every day. How about that?”

Gus smiled and gasped, “Yes!”

Dr. Moone ruffled Gus’ hair. “It was good to see you, Gus.” He addressed Brian, “I’ll go put in the order for tomorrow’s tests and then I’ll send a nurse back to check you out and give you the time for the tests, all right?”

“Sounds good,” Brian replied. “Thank you. I know you probably think I’m overreacting but I have to be sure, for his sake.”

Dr. Moone clasped Brian’s arm and gave him a warm smile. “If he were my child, I’d want to be absolutely certain too. As my patient, I feel the same way. I’ll call you in to discuss the results when I have them. If you have any other questions or concerns before then, don’t be afraid to come back and see me.”

Brian nodded and watched the doctor leave the little room, feeling relieved that the man truly did understand his concern for his son. He wasn’t a hypochondriac and he certainly didn’t want Gus to have Epilepsy, but he was glad to know that in a few weeks he’d have the answers to support or put to rest his fears.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

London

“Pa!” Justice ran at full speed toward Mitchell and wrapped her arms around his legs.

“How’s my birthday girl?” Mitchell asked, bending down and picking up the child.

“Good!” Justice snuggled into Mitchell’s arms and kissed his cheeks. “Pawty time?”

“Oh,” Mitchell quickly placed the girl back on her feet. “Go potty, hurry up.”

Justice looked confused but walked down the hall into the bathroom anyway. She didn’t think she had to go but Mommy and Pa always gave her a sticker when she did so she figured she’d try anyway.

Daphne watched Mitchell from the doorway of the kitchen, shaking her head and smiling at him. “She said, ‘Party time’.”

“Ahh…” Mitchell laughed and walked over to Daphne, grabbing her into his arms. “You’re her interpreter.”

Daphne pecked Mitchell’s lips and walked back into the kitchen. “You spend all day with her and you’d understand her too.” She hadn’t meant for her words to come out sounding so harsh, but her hidden worries had reared forth anyway.

Mitchell stood in the doorway, gazing at Daphne as she dabbed at the red frosting on the cake with a fork. He wondered how it was that they’d become so distant the last year. Then again, he knew the answers and the least of them had to do with him spending more and more time at the hospital. “Did your parents arrive already?”

Daphne sighed and quelled her aggravation. She didn’t want to fight with Mitchell and she knew she would if she allowed herself to reply with what she really wanted to say. Her parents had flown in last night and when she’d spoken with Mitchell on the phone that morning, she’d told him that she and Justice were about to go have lunch with them. “We had lunch together, remember?” she asked, her voice calm.

“Right,” Mitchell replied, mentally kicking himself. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.” He looked down at his scrubs. “I’m going to go take a shower and change.”

Daphne looked up from the ‘Elmo’ cake and gave Mitchell a forced smile. “All right, just hurry. The party starts in forty-five minutes.”

Mitchell could feel the tension coming from Daphne but knew he had to ignore it. Her parents already didn’t like him and if he was going to survive the evening, he and Daphne had to be connected, not distracted by what was coming between them. “All right, I’ll be fast.”

Daphne exhaled a loud breath and went back to frosting the head of the Elmo cake that Justice insisted upon having. A few minutes later, Justice came running into the kitchen, her blond curls bouncing against her tan forehead. When Daphne looked at her, her breath caught in her throat. The older Justice got, the more she resembled Justin. The only part of Daphne she’d received was her thick hair and complexion. Only, her hair had a silky sheen to it and wasn’t kinky, instead she had thick blond waves and her skin, it wasn’t brown like Daphne’s skin. Justice appeared to have a permanent tan, which gave her an exotic look with her bright blue eyes and long dark lashes. Daphne couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful child, but there were times it pained her to see how much she resembled her father.

“I gots a sticka’,” Justice said, holding her hand out.

Daphne smiled and looked at the smiley face on her daughter’s hand. “Did you go potty like a big girl?”

“Uhuh, Pa told me to go an’ I did.” She stood up on her tiptoes and tried to peer up at the counter. “I can help?”

Daphne looked at the cake that was, in her eyes, a total mess. She shrugged and figured it couldn’t hurt. At least she could tell everyone at the party that Justice had helped her and that was the reason why Elmo was barely discernable. “All right, come on.” She lifted Justice up and sat her on the counter. “Take a fork and do this,” she said and demonstrated how she was lifting the icing up from the cake to make the frosting look like fur.

Justice took the fork and in moves that Daphne could hardly believe, she began to do as Daphne showed her, only her hand was much steadier and the fur looked much better than how she’d done it. “Like it?” Justice asked.

Daphne smiled. “You’re very artistic, Justice. It looks great!”

Justice smiled at her mother. “I’m an awtist!”

“You are.” Daphne grabbed her ever-present camera from her apron pocket and began snapping photos of Justice. With every click of the camera, her heart ached a little bit more for her best friend, for Justice’s father, the man who was missing so much. “You take after your Daddy, you know that?”

Justice grinned up at Daphne, her smile wide and bright. “I know’d.” She went back to making fur on the cake while Daphne switched the camera to video and captured the brilliance of her two-year-old. Twenty minutes later, Justice had gone over all the red fur, even the parts Daphne had attempted and the cake looked amazing. She looked up at Daphne with a thoughtful expression and asked, “Gonna meet Daddy soon?”

It wasn’t the first time Daphne had heard the question and she couldn’t pinpoint when it started, but the question came at least three times a day. Daphne gave her daughter the answer she always did. “He’s sick, honey, remember?”

“Uhuh.” Justice frowned. “I know’d.”

“As soon as he gets better we’ll go see him.”

“Mmmkay,” Justice said sadly. “To ‘Merca’, in Pissbark.”

“Yes, Daddy lives in America, in Pittsburgh and when he’s all better, we’ll go see him there.”

Justice’s frown turned to a smile once again. “He’s weally weally weally sick. But I see him soon.”

“Yes,” Daphne said, hoping for it to be true. “Soon. And you know what? Last night I had a dream and do you know who I saw in the dream?”

This was a sort of game between them and it always made Justice happy. “Huh, Mommy? Who?”

“Your Daddy, Justin. He said, tell my Justice Happy Birthday and tell her that Daddy loves and misses her.”

Justice’s eyes widened and she giggled, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Daphne kissed Justice’s forehead. “Now how about you go and draw a picture for Daddy so that when Grandma and Grandpa come you can give it to them and when they take the airplane back to America, they can give it to your other grandma and she’ll give it to your daddy for you.”

Justice reached out for Daphne to help her get down and as soon as her feet touched the floor, she was bolting out of the kitchen and running past Mitchell who stood in the doorway. “I’s goin’ to dwaw, Pa. I’s dwawin’ for Daddy!”

Mitchell mentally removed the knife from his heart and cleared his throat as he approached Daphne. “Did your mom say how Jennifer said he’s doing?”

“He’s still in that damn recovery center,” Daphne replied, washing her hands. She reached for a towel and clutched it tightly, her anger transferring into it as she squeezed. “I can’t believe Craig and Jennifer are being so selfish.”

Mitchell treaded lightly, “Maybe it’d hurt them too much to see her?”

Tears stung the back of Daphne’s eyes as she nodded in agreement. “I know, but she’s their granddaughter. My parents hate that I didn’t give her up and they still come to visit her. The least Jennifer could do is talk to me on the phone but she refuses to allow my mother to give me her new number. My mother has tried to talk to her, but she refuses to speak about Justice or me. My mom doesn’t want to push her because she says Jennifer is so fragile she thinks if she pushes too hard then she won’t speak to her at all and she refuses to break her promise to Jennifer about me contacting her. Jennifer told my mother that I’m the reason Justin was hurt and that until Justin can decide on his own if he wants to see us, she doesn’t want anything to do with us. When Justin wakes up, she’s going to have a lot of explaining to do to him. He’s not going to understand why his parents would turn their backs on us, why they’d keep me and Justice from seeing him, even if he is just lying in a hospital bed unconscious.”

Mitchell overcame the jealousy he felt and suggested, “Then why don’t we make a surprise trip to Pittsburgh? Maybe if you go to their house and see her, she won’t be able to turn you away. Maybe she’ll let you both see him.”

Daphne’s heart swelled with pride and love, something she had felt had been lacking. Her features softened, her stress lessened and she stepped into his awaiting arms. “You really think we should just do it?”

“Before you start teaching and Justice starts pre-school, yes I do,” Mitchell answered, rubbing Daphne’s back. “You need to do it or you’re going to get angrier and angrier at them and I don’t think that’s what Justin would want from you, right?”

Daphne stared up at her husband with a fascinated look on her face. “I’m so lucky to have found you.”

Mitchell kissed Daphne, long and slow, sucking the tension out of her body through her mouth and disposing of it with a long release of breath. “I love you, Daphne.”
 

~~~~~~~~~~

Pittsburgh

Jennifer quickly shut Justin’s bedroom door and ran down the stairs.

“What is it, Jen?” Craig asked, noticing his wife’s horrified expression. “Is Justin okay?”

Jennifer sat down on the last stair and ran her hands through her hair. “He’s… he’s…” She couldn’t say it.

Craig started to go past Jennifer and walk up the stairs but she grabbed his hand and stopped him. “What’s going on?” he demanded.

“Where’s Molly?” Jennifer asked, looking around for daughter.

“She went out in the backyard,” he answered and sat down beside her. “What happened?”

“I’d forgotten to stock his bathroom with towels. I was going to bring him some and he’s…he’s taking a shower,” she gritted out, moaning the last word.

“You walked in on him taking a shower?” Craig gasped. “I thought you were supposed to give him the privacy anyone his age would want,” he replied in anger.

“Don’t!” Jennifer barked at him and stood up, practically running into the living room.

“What’s the matter with you?” Craig asked, catching up with her.

“Don’t act like I’m a bad mother because I take care of him, Craig. Don’t you do that to me! He needed me to help him,” she defended. “He needed me to do EVERYTHING for him!”

“He doesn’t need you to help him with a lot of stuff anymore. You need to leave him alone!”

“Me? Leave him alone?” Jennifer growled. “Then what? He can cut himself buttering a piece of bread because his hand shakes. He can catch pneumonia because he doesn’t know when to come out of the pool? Or, wait… maybe I’ll leave him alone so that he can never learn to speak correctly or walk without falling over.”

“Christ!” Craig ran his hands through his graying hair and paced in front of Jennifer. “You know damn well that’s not what I mean, Jen! You act as if he’s only your son! You’re the only one that can do anything for him!”

“You left us!” Jennifer wailed.

“You forced me to leave! You didn’t want me to have anything to do with him! You had to be the one that did it all. You couldn’t trust me to look after my son.”

“I trust you to look after Molly,” Jennifer countered.

Craig laughed sarcastically. “Bullshit! You trust Molly to live with me because her presence upsets Justin.”

“That isn’t true,” Jennifer yelled. “I don’t want her hurt.”

“He’s never going to get used to either of us if you don’t start letting him be around us. You have to let him live his life. If he has a breakdown again, then we’ll deal with it.”

“You ran away,” Jennifer hissed.

“Molly and I weren’t running from Justin,” Craig spoke evenly. “We were running from you. We couldn’t speak to him without you dictating every word we said to him. You still do that! You control what books he reads, what movies he watches, who he talks to when you take him places, you control everything!”

“Do you want Justin’s doctor to say he’d be better off in a facility? If he gets stressed out and has one more set-back I won’t be able to stop them from taking him!”

“You know that’s not what I want. I want him home, with his family, with all of his family, not just with you.”

“You know that isn’t possible, not until his therapist clears it. She thinks it’ll be soon,” Jennifer said in a hopeful tone.

“Don’t placate me, Jen. Now, tell me what happened upstairs,” he demanded.

“He was touching himself,” Jennifer whispered.

Craig shrugged his shoulders. “And?”

“He doesn’t know anything about sex, Craig,” Jennifer reminded him. “He… he…”

Craig laughed, “What? He could get hurt by jacking himself off?”

“Oh god!” Jennifer groaned. “Did you have to say it like that!”

“Well, that’s what he’s probably doing. So, I think today should be the last time you enter his room without knocking. And you’re never to go in the bathroom when he’s in it, again.”

“You’re going to have to talk to him about it,” Jennifer said.

“I already have,” Craig replied. “You and I both know that nothing I said made a difference to him then. So what do you think I can say to him now?”

“Craig, he’s probably confused,” Jennifer surmised. “You need to tell him what’s going on with his body. He only knows the medical side of things, he doesn’t remember ‘the talk’, and you know that.”

Craig rolled his eyes. “He’s read practically every book on every single subject you let him get his hands on.”

“But none of them involve sex,” Jennifer said. “Not really.”

Craig rolled his eyes. “You actually think that he can’t read between the lines of Shakespeare and couple that with all those Science and Biology books he reads? Do you really think he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing? He probably found some old magazine he had stashed.”

“Just talk to him about it, okay?” Jennifer asked, worried that Craig was right.

Craig grumbled. “Fine. Whatever. But I’m telling him exactly why I’m bringing it up.”

“But it’ll embarrass him,” Jennifer said.

“Nothing embarrasses him, Jen. If he does feel embarrassed, than it’s a good sign,” Craig replied heading for the stairs.

Craig listened outside Justin’s bedroom door to hear if the shower was still running. He heard no sign of it and knocked. “Justin? It’s Dad, can I come in?”

“Yes,” Justin called out, drying his body on a towel.

Craig opened the door and walked in but turned around when he saw Justin was still naked. “Get dressed.”

“I…I…am Daaadddd,” Justin answered. “You d...don’t look ‘cause I’m ugggly n…now?”

“I don’t think you’re ugly. You’re my son and you’re an adult so I shouldn’t see you naked.” Craig wondered why in the hell his wife had been against teaching Justin about this. He thought privacy and decency should’ve been one of the first things a young man was taught. “You shouldn’t let anyone see you naked, Justin. You’re a man. A man doesn’t…” he trailed off searching for the right words. “You should be private with your genitals,” he explained, knowing Justin would know what that meant. “You should decide who sees your body and it shouldn’t just be anyone. The only person to see you naked should be a person who you love and who loves you.”

“You... mmmm…my dad.”

“I mean, like a romantic love, like Romeo and Juliet.”

“Ohh…” Justin sighed.

“You’re not a child. You’re a man,” he reiterated. “You can go to the bathroom and take baths and get dressed all by yourself so there is no reason for me or your mother to see you naked, understand?”

“Uhuh,” Justin answered, pulling on his sweatpants. He didn’t really understand the big deal but he didn’t want his father to be mad and leave. “Done!”

“Are you dressed?” Craig asked, thinking it was a little too fast for that to happen.

“Pan…ts are on,” Justin answered.

Craig really didn’t think it was the time to explain the proper etiquette for going shirtless so he left that topic alone and turned around. He saw Justin’s ratty blue sweat pants hung off his hips and his body still looked sickly thin. For a split second, he wondered when the last time Justin looked healthy was, but he knew when as soon as he thought about it. It was also the last time he’d seen his child wearing anything other than sweatpants and t-shirts. He’d been beside Daphne, dressed in a dapper suit, smiling for him as he took their picture.

“Daaaad?” Justin asked, repeatedly using the sign for ‘father’ as he sat down on his bed. He was always nervous when his father was around, especially when his mother wasn’t. His dad talked loud and it made him feel like he needed to talk loud too. He struggled with finding a way to calm down and his repeated signing gave him the outlet.

“I need to talk to you,” Craig spoke gently. “Can I sit down with you?”

Justin looked away from Craig and stared out his bedroom window to the front lawn. He used his left hand to tap on his knee and sign, ‘okay’.

“Are you listening to me, Justin?” Craig asked, barely touching his son’s arm.

Justin kept his gaze on the little bird outside but nodded his head.

“Okay,” the man sighed. “Your mother came in here to give you towels. She saw you in the bathroom taking a shower.”

Justin whispered, “Okay.”

“She wants me to talk to you about sex. Do you know what that is?” Craig asked, bluntly.

Justin whipped his head toward his father and nodded dramatically while smiling and signing ‘yes’.

Craig ignored the need to question Justin about why he usually used signs to speak to him and continued the hard conversation, “You know that you shouldn’t… touch yourself in front of anyone, right?”

Justin thought about that for a moment, piecing together what his mother might have seen him doing in the shower and then nodded his head.

“How do you know about sex, Justin?” Craig wondered. He believed that what he told Jennifer before was probably true, but then again, he wanted to make sure that Justin hadn’t somehow gotten on the internet and seen or read something outrageous. He was certain Jennifer had parental blocks on the computer in Justin’s room, but he wanted to be sure his son hadn’t accidentally stumbled upon a site that was way too much for his innocent eyes.

Justin stood up, motioned for his father to come with him and walked over to his dresser. He opened his underwear drawer, reached all the way in the back and grabbed two magazines from the hiding spot in the lip of the dresser. “Re…member,” he told Craig, thrusting the magazines into his father’s hand.

Craig was too shocked to look at what he was holding. “You remembered them being in there?” he gasped.

Justin’s nerves settled and he now felt pride booming inside him and he smiled at his father and pointed to the top magazine. “S…set…sex is in there,” he spoke excitedly.

Craig looked down and felt his stomach heave when he saw the magazines covers. He tried to keep a cool demeanor as he handed them back to Justin. “Okay, put them away,” he suggested. “It was okay that you showed me this, Justin, but all things that have to do with sex, or being naked, we only share with our partners, our romantic partners and only if they are okay with it too. Do you understand?”

Justin grinned and nodded as he put the items back into the drawer and closed it. The men in the pictures showed each other their bodies, touched, kissed, and put their mouths on their bodies. Sometimes there was more than one man. He wondered if they were all partners.

Craig’s mouth was dry; he wasn’t sure where to go from here. “You can’t ever show your mother those so you should hide them where you found them, okay?”

Justin nodded emphatically, smiled and spoke in a strong voice, “I’m gay.”

Craig felt all the blood drain from his face, surge down to his toes and then skyrocket back up again. “What?”

Justin sat down and studied his father’s face. He didn’t look mad, but his face was red. “I…I…” he paused, searched for the correct word and once finding it said, “embarrassed you?”

“This whole conversation has been a little embarrassing,” Craig admitted, laughing softly.

“Oh,” Justin said, dreadfully. “Why?”

Craig shook his head. “How do you know you’re gay?” He wondered if there were other memories attached to Justin finding the magazines.

“K…k…kissing.” He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them, looking directly at his father. “I like kissing boys not girls.”

Craig had yet to hear Justin speak one sentence so plainly since awakening from his coma. A dozen emotions mixed within him as he struggled to accept the truth. He knew that he could pass off this revelation as Justin being naïve and confused, but he knew the truth. He knew it, Justin knew it, Jennifer knew it too, and the reason for her keeping him from learning about sex had nothing to do with Justin possibly reliving Chris Hobbes trying to force himself on him.

He realized, with frightening clarity that the reason his wife kept such a close eye on Justin’s education into becoming a man was because she was scared shitless of him becoming a gay man, and she wanted to do everything she could to stop that from happening. It wasn’t that Jennifer was prejudiced or had religious hang-ups, hell, he’d more fit that category than she did, at least he once did. It was because she was frightened that Justin would enter a much more dangerous world than the one right outside their home and she couldn’t handle the possible consequences of that. He wasn’t angry with her about that, he couldn’t be, and because in reflection he was sure, he’d want to do the same thing. However, looking at Justin, his expression so familiar, so confident and assured, he knew there was no stopping this.

He’d let Jennifer run the show for far too long and he didn’t care if Justin’s therapist didn’t approve. He’d allowed Jennifer to scare him into staying away for their son’s sake but he knew with certainty that it wasn’t in his best interest. Jennifer may have been advocating for Justin’s best interests on some level, but it was time for him to take part. In another world, he may have hated his son, disowned him for the mere suggestion that he was gay. The thought sickened him. In this world, he knew what he’d almost lost forever. There was no quick recovery to erase the reality of his son nearly losing his life. He understood what he had to do, and that meant it was time for him to stand up, to be a father to Justin and show him the path to becoming a man, gay, straight, bisexual, it didn’t matter.

He grasped Justin’s hands in his own and smiled. “I’m proud of you for telling me, but your mother, she may not understand about it, okay?”

Justin frowned. “L…ly…lying to her?”

“No, I don’t want you to lie. But I think you should wait, wait until you’re a little better to tell her, all right?”

“Why?”

“Because being gay…” Craig almost told Justin it was the reason he was hurt but that wasn’t really the truth. The truth was too much for him to comprehend and he supported the therapist and doctors' instructions to keep it from Justin, until he emotionally improved. He cleared his throat and started again, “Being gay is something that makes you an adult and your mom just isn’t ready to see you not be her little boy anymore.”

Justin squeezed Craig’s hand and thought it over. “Okay.”

“Good.” Craig gently hugged Justin and was surprised; elated really, when his son returned the hug with intensity he hadn’t felt from him since he was a child.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

London

A cool summer breeze wafted in through the kitchen window while Mitchell put the dinner dishes into the dishwasher. He glanced out the window and saw Daphne pushing Justice in the new tire swing he’d rigged up for her on the old oak tree in their small stretch of garden. They were beautiful, the both of them, and they deserved everything he could possibly give them, which is why he suggested them flying to America. They decided not to tell anyone else about it though. They didn’t want Daphne’s parents alerting Jennifer and scaring her off.

As he placed the last plate into the rack, loud voices on the other side of the wall interrupted the peaceful summer night. He rolled his eyes, in disbelief that the Chanders, who acted so prim and proper, were actually having a loud argument in someone else’s home. Then again, the walls of the guest bedroom were quite thin, so they must not have realized that their voices carried.

He didn’t mean to, but when he heard them say Daphne’s name, he couldn’t help but hold his breath and listen closely to their conversation.

“Daphne can keep hoping all she wants but she’s going to ruin everything she has here if we tell her.”

“You don’t know that, sweetie,” Mr. Chanders spoke. “He doesn’t even remember her! He may never remember her! What’s the harm in telling her that he’s awake and has no memory of her?”

“If she knows he’s been awake all this time, we’ll lose her for good!” Mrs. Chanders wailed. “You know it’s true! And Jennifer, she’d never forgive me for lying to her about the baby.”

Mitchell’s knees weakened and he had to grip onto the counter for balance as he took in the conversation.

“You never should’ve told her that Daphne had a miscarriage. All of your lies are going to blow up in your face, my dear, and when they do…”

“They won’t! Jennifer is under the impression that Daphne wants nothing to do with Justin. She knows Daphne is married and has moved on and wants to forget about her life in Pittsburgh. It’s better for her if she does forget about it because if she goes back it won’t only hurt our relationship with her, it’ll be the end of her relationship with Mitchell. You heard Justice. She thinks that when Justin wakes up they’re going to move back to America and become a happy family with her real daddy.”

“That isn’t what she said. She just wants to see him, and keeping them apart isn’t right.”

“The boy isn’t right! He’s been in and out of the loony bin since they checked him out of rehab. He practically broke his sister’s arm when she wouldn’t give him the toy he wanted to play with. Do you really think our daughter, or our grandchild, needs to be around a person like that?”

“It isn’t our decision to make. It can’t be like this forever, dear. One day, she’s going to contact Jennifer and all the secrets will be out.”

“And when she does, that boy will probably be back in the loony bin where he belongs and she’ll be thanking us for protecting her from that violent man. A man, who isn’t her best friend any longer. He’s no one. He remembers nothing. Nothing at all. Daphne will see that we did what was best for her.”

“And Jennifer? What about Jennifer and Craig?”

“I’d rather lose their friendship and trust than allow them to let that boy around my daughter and granddaughter. Now enough talk about this. I won’t hear another word about it. I’m tired and we have a flight to catch in the morning.”

“All right, dear. Goodnight.”

“Good. Night.”

Mitchell’s ears began to ring and he started to feel light-headed and sweaty. He struggled to keep himself standing long enough to make it to one of the kitchen chairs. Plopping himself down in it he put his head down on the table as he tried to process the enormity of what he’d overheard. He wished he hadn’t heard any of it. He wanted to wipe it from his mind. He couldn’t though. He knew he couldn’t. The words would keep repeating inside of his head until he figured out what he was going to do with them.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, July 4, 2003
Point State Park, Pittsburgh

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Jennifer said for the hundredth time since they’d arrived at the park.

Craig watched as Molly held her brother’s hand as they walked toward a concession stand to retrieve cotton candy. “He’s fine. He’ll be fine. We brought earplugs for him just in case the noise gets too much, and if he really hates it we can leave.”

“I know,” Jennifer said doubtfully, “but what if he has an episode in front of all these people?” She gestured around to the huge crowd of patrons, some sitting on blankets having picnics, others milling about at the concessions or waiting in line for the carnival rides.

“Then we’ll take him home,” Craig replied. “You can’t keep him locked up.”

Jennifer bristled. “I don’t. I take him to the park every morning. I take him shopping with me and I take him to the library once a week.”

“He needs experiences that normal men have.” Craig pointed at their children. “Look, he’s doing just fine. He’s getting stronger on his feet the longer he walks.”

Jennifer had to admit that was true. When they first arrived at the park, Justin had to use his cane but once they’d reached the place they put their blanket down, his steps had been almost normal. His gait was only a little wobbly and to an outside observer, one would think Justin was only holding Molly’s hand because he was protecting his little sister, not the other way around.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian bent down to intercept Gus as he ran toward him. “Hey! Did you have fun, buddy?”

“Yup!” Gus kissed his father’s cheek and wiggled around. “I wanna wide mo’ wides!”

Cynthia and her new husband, Nathan, came walking up, both looking wind-blown and worn out. Brian laughed at them. “So I take it next year you two won’t be volunteering to take Gus to the carnival early?”

Nathan grinned, kissed Cynthia’s cheek and placed a hand over her small belly. “I think next year we may be otherwise occupied by an infant.”

“I wonder if she’ll like fireworks?” Cynthia said dreamily. “I guess we’ll see if she kicks my insides out or not tonight.”

“I suppose I’ll wrangle Debbie and Carl to do the honors next year.” He looked at his son. “So were you good for Aunt Cynthia and Uncle Nathan?”

“Uhuh,” Gus said, nodding. Once Brian placed him on the ground, he walked over to Cynthia and gently placed his hand on her stomach. “I’s got to be caweful of the baby.”

“That’s right,” Cynthia said, rubbing Gus’ hair. She bent down and kissed him on the forehead. “You’re going to be a good big cousin, right?”

“Big!” Gus announced. “Cause I’m no baby.”

“That’s right, you’re not,” Nathan agreed. “No baby could ride on the tilt-a-whirl three times in a row.”

“Three times?” Brian asked in shock. “I couldn’t do that without getting sick.”

“I feel grrrreat!” Gus exclaimed, pumping his fists in the air. “I wanna go again, Dada.”

Brian looked at the sky. “No, it’s almost dusk. That means the fireworks will be starting soon. We should go put out our blanket and find a good spot to watch them.”

“We can take care of that,” Cynthia said, grabbing the blanket out of Brian’s arms. “Why don’t you and Gus go get us some junk food?”

Brian kissed her cheek. “Anything for you.” He rubbed her belly. “And you. You’re making your mommy fat, you know.”

Cynthia giggled, “Brian!”

Nathan rolled his eyes. “Why is it when he makes jokes like that you think it’s funny but I can’t tell you that I like your thicker thighs without it offending you.”

Cynthia’s eyes widened and she grabbed Nathan’s hand leading him away while explaining, “Because you used the word thick.”

“Fat is so much better?” Brian heard Nathan ask as they walked away toward the grassy picnic area.

“Ooh!” Gus hopped up and down and pointed. “I want that!”

Brian looked to where Gus was pointing and his stomach lurched.

“Cotton Candy is so Dandy, Daddy, can I have some Cotton Candy?” Gus sang.

Even the world’s most annoying children’s song couldn’t break Brian out of the fog he was in as he stared at the young blond man walking past them. He was breathtaking, beautiful and so familiar.

“You want some too, Daddy?” Gus asked, pulling on Brian’s hand.

“Yes, Gus,” Brian replied, his gaze fixed on the young man and the little girl holding his hand. He’d thought of him often and had even talked to Sherry once or twice to find out about him. The last he’d heard, the young man had been taken to a rehabilitation clinic but that was all Sherry knew or could tell him.

It had been around two years and now, he’d obviously woken up from his coma but as Brian watched him with a careful eye, he could tell something was off about him. It wasn’t just the ill-fitting clothes, or the small, wobbly steps he was taking. There was something about his expression as he looked around, there was a childlike wonder about him and that realization brought back other memories for Brian. He continued to watch the blond until he and the little girl disappeared into the crowd.

“Cotton Candy!” Gus sang again, pulling his father toward the concession stands. “Cotton Candy is Dandy!”
 

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