All The World's A Stage

Chapter Nine: “Still Spinning”

You love the limelight too now baby.–J. Larson


 

May 26, 2001

Justin was propped up in his kingsize bed. Dr. Minton was sitting on a chair at the bottom, examining Justin. This made Justin feel more uncomfortable than he already was, especially because Mrs. Montgomery was standing beside him, watching the whole thing.

Justin’s entire bedroom had been transformed into a hospital room in the three hours since he called for Mrs. Montgomery. ‘This is it!’ he thought, talking to his child in his head. ‘Months of waiting and now I can finally meet you, Sunny.’

Justin’s entire body trembled with the anticipation of birth, along with the pains of labor. He knew he would do anything to get through it so he could finally see his child.

“Justin, you are dilated enough to start pushing,” Dr. Minton said. He positioned Justin’s legs further apart. “On the next contraction, I want you to take a deep breath and bear down and push with everything you’ve got.”

Justin tried to even his breathing. He’d left being embarrassed five miles back and just decided to grit his teeth and go with each painful contraction as it came. ‘This will all be over soon,’ he chanted in his head.

“Oh God!” Justin yelled as a long hard contraction hit. He pushed with his muscles as much as he could, but damn, it was painful. “Is it supposed to hurt so badly?” he asked in between breaths.

“It's labor, Justin,” Mrs. Montgomery said snidely.

Justin looked down between his legs and nearly passed out from shock; he could see the top of his child’s head crowning. A mess of dark hair was coming out from his body, attached to a body still woven within his, yet ready to start life. It was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.

Up until, of course, the next contraction hit and he pulled his legs up and pushed; at the end of the contraction, he looked down and saw half of his baby’s body being pushed out. Tiny chubby arms were flailing about and a crescent moon shape appeared on the palm of the little, white outstretched fingers. A birthmark like the one on his hand. A son, he had a son. He watched as the rest of the tiny body slid into Dr. Minton’s waiting hands.

That was the last thing Justin remembered.

June 1, 2001

When he fully awoke almost a week later, there was no child to be put in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Justin, but she passed away not long after you went into shock." Mrs. Montgomery was sitting in a chair on one side of his room, watching him with her cold eyes.

Justin shook his head. “Shock!”

Dr. Minton sat on the other side of him. “You bled too much, Justin. We weren’t sure if you were going to make it. The baby, she just wasn’t strong enough.”

Justin screamed, “Why didn’t you take me to a fucking hospital? Why do you keep saying SHE? I had a little boy, he was crying for me. He was fine, I was fine. I saw him! I saw his hands, his ears, his eyes.” Justin started to sob and move around as much as he could in the bed.

“We called an ambulance here, Justin. They did what they could when they got here but they couldn’t save the baby. You were really out of it. It was a little girl, Justin,” Dr. Minton repeated.

Justin wiped his eyes, nose, and shook his head. “You still didn’t tell me why they didn’t take me to the hospital.” Justin spat. He couldn’t believe anything coming out of their mouths.

Mrs. Montgomery took Justin’s hand. “I thought that it would be best if you stayed here to recover. The E.M.T.s agreed that it was best to leave you here once you were stabilized. It’s nearly a two-hour drive to the hospital. You were doing fine after they stopped the bleeding."

"We have everything you need here, Justin,” Dr. Minton added as if it were the most normal thing in the world to be in a near coma for a week, wake up, and find out that the baby you just delivered had died.

“Except my baby!” Justin sat up and screamed. He ripped his IV out and stood up, only to get dizzy and have to sit back down on the bed again.

Dr. Minton put his strong but cold hand on Justin’s. Before he could speak, Mrs. Montgomery sat down beside Justin and looked him in the eyes. “She died, Justin. Daniel and I buried her next to your family.”

Justin was struggling for breath. The whole world seemed to be coming down around him. ‘This can't be right. I would feel it if you were dead, Sunny,’ he thought to himself.

He tore his tear-filled eyes away from Mrs. Montgomery’s stone-cold ones. He then tore his hand away from the doctor's just as cold grasp, and pushed at them both with his hands. “Get out of here! My baby didn’t die! And he wasn’t a girl. I had a little boy!” Justin insisted, crying.

Dr. Minton and Mrs. Montgomery both got up from the bed.

“I'll leave you to talk to your guardian,” the older man remarked, glaring at Justin. He then left the room.

Justin felt the air in the room close in around him. He gave Mrs. Montgomery a firm glare of his own that sent chills down her spine. Justin would have seen the woman visibly shiver if his eyes were not filled with angry unshed tears.

“I’m sorry, Justin,” she said, with false sensitivity. “This is the truth. Your little girl died. She just wasn’t strong enough. Dr. Minton told Daniel and me that it was probably because you didn’t exercise enough during your pregnancy. You kept trying to eat too much and you didn’t take care of the baby the right way.”

Justin buried his face in his hands. His whole body was silently shaking. He just could not believe it. He couldn’t!

Justin looked up at the woman; he held her gaze as he carefully got up from the bed and then dropped to his knees in front of her.

Startled, Mrs. Montgomery took a step back but Justin grabbed one of her hands and then placed his other hand on his so very empty, yet still pregnant looking belly.

“Please,” he begged, looking up at the woman whom his parents chose to protect him.

Mrs. Montgomery tried not to look at Justin. “What, Justin?” she asked, annoyed with his childish theatrics. “Please what?” She pulled her hand away.

Justin grabbed at her hand again. Desperately he clung to it and buried his face on her stomach. His body shook and tears fell down his pale cheeks. Snot imbedded itself into the over priced knock-off material of Mrs. Montgomery’s favorite lounge dress.

“Please, give me back my baby. I’ll do whatever you want, Mrs. Montgomery. Please...I need to hold him, Mrs. Montgomery. I need to touch him, feel him. He needs me too. I know he does. I know he needs me just as much as I need him. I can feel it. He can’t be gone!”

“She is gone, Justin,” the woman said strongly, backing away and causing Justin nearly to fall upon his stomach.

Justin looked up at the woman from the floor of his hell.

“If you insist on this nonsense and must see her grave, I will take you to it. You can mark it yourself tomorrow.” With those words she spun away and slammed the door upon leaving.

Justin put his head down on the floor. “Please God! Give me back my baby!” He then curled himself into a ball, his hands around his empty stomach. His entire young body ached with the pain of birth and the realization of death.
 

Chapter Ten: “Spun”
 

Baby love, my baby love, I need ya, oh, how I need ya. - Holland

 

May 26, 2001

“Please God, let my baby live. This is my entire fault. Oh, God, I am so sorry. Please do not take her. Let her be okay,” Brian gasped through his tears.

“It’s going to be all right, Brian, you just need to calm down,” Vic told him, trying to speak over the loud wail of the ambulance siren. “Just squeeze my hand when it hurts, baby boy.” Vic held onto Brian’s hand and felt the young man’s grip tighten to the point that Vic thought Brian might break his fingers.

However, Vic did not let go, and he did not show the pain he was feeling. He just brushed the sweaty locks of dark hair from Brian’s forehead with his other hand and prayed that his boy and the child would be all right.

Brian’s heart rate slowed and his blood pressure dropped to a somewhat normal level. It was comforting to have his “Uncle Vic” beside him throughout his difficult pregnancy and now labor. He had never been loved growing up in his household, but whenever he entered his best friend’s house, he always felt loved.

Debbie, Michael, and Vic had all been there to encourage Brian with his ballet and they had been the ones to warn him of his relationship with Daniel Montgomery. He still felt terrible about the way he had nearly abandoned them when the ABC demanded so much of his time. Yet, when Daniel had abandoned Brian, they were all there waiting with their arms open. He had never known love like that before.

County General was more than busy when the ambulance arrived with Brian and Vic. There had been a recent 10-car pile-up downtown and the hospital was in chaos. Brian and Vic were taken through the noisy crowded halls to a small room that was sectioned off by sheets.

Brian was lifted onto the bed by the ambulance crew and told that there would be a doctor in to see him shortly. Brian did not like that at all. He wanted to see a doctor immediately. His water had broken and he felt as though his child was pushing to move inside him and he knew he was not supposed to allow that yet.

Besides that, Brian felt as though there was something off. The E.M.T.’s had told them the blood that had come out had been normal, but Brian still didn’t feel right about it. He knew he was supposed to be in pain but he really was not sure that what he was feeling was normal either. He still had not stopped bleeding. His classes had not prepared him to expect “this much bleeding” and they had never told him that he would think he was feeling like his inner muscles were squeezing the baby repeatedly.

Vic noticed that Brian’s normally olive toned skin was getting whiter and whiter the longer they sat and waited for a doctor. He tried his hardest to keep his adoptive nephew at ease, but the truth was, he was scared for him. Nearly an hour had passed since their arrival without being seen; Brian was still in a lot of pain and still telling him that he was bleeding. It was obvious that he still was, and Vic did not like the look of it as it soaked the area around Brian’s body.

Sadly, he knew that Brian, from experience, could endure pain like no one he had ever known. When he saw Brian’s eyes roll back in his head, not once but twice, Vic decided that he must do something. “Brian,” Vic shouted, trying to get through to the boy, past the obvious haze he was in. “Brian, I’m going to get a fucking doctor. I will be right back! Will you be okay for a minute?” Vic asked in a terrified voice.

Brian managed to nod his head. His whole body was starting to go numb. He could not even feel his baby inside him. He watched as Vic disappeared behind the curtain; that was the last thing he remembered before he awoke to his child being pulled from his body. He saw the little face and the tufts of blond hair; he heard a loud cry and saw that it was a little girl. He tried to reach out for his child but everything went black again.

“Brian, that’s it. Come on....” Brian could hear Debbie’s voice and Michael’s and Vic’s, all of them trying to lure him out of sleep.

He opened his eyes and rubbed at them, noticing the tubes connected to his arms. Then he remembered where he was and why. He bolted up and a shot of pain sent him lying back down again. “Where is my baby?” he asked, looking around at his family seated beside him.

Now he was in a different room. A large private room. Balloons and flowers sat all around on the tables and countertops.

Debbie sat beside him on the bed and took his hand. “I’ll go get a nurse and tell them you’ve woken and want to see him.” She kissed his cheek and then quickly disappeared behind the large door into the hallway.

Brian looked around again. Everything had to be okay or there wouldn’t be flowers and balloons, right? But, then he noticed the big balloon that was tied to the hospital rocking chair’s handle. It’s a Boy!, it read.

That could not be right. Brian looked around the room and saw that the cards on the nightstand by his bed said the same thing.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” Michael said coming toward his best friend with a smile on his face. “You have a son! Oh, and Brian, he looks just like you,” Michael said excitedly.

Vic walked closer to the bed. “I’m glad you decided to wait to decorate the baby’s room until he got here,” he said with a chuckle.

Brian shook his head. “But ... but ...I had a girl ...I ....” Brian was cut off by Michael handing him a cup of water to sip on.

He took the drink gratefully and swallowed a few big gulps. “What happened? Am I okay? Is the baby okay?”

“The baby is fine, Brian. After I went and came back with the doctor, Brian, you were in shock. The doctor that helped you deliver was not even on duty, but he came and helped you anyway. I was right beside you until they had to take you into surgery.”

“Surgery? Brian asked, horrified.

Vic nodded. “Yes, you were bleeding so much and in such distress that it was making it difficult for the baby to come out. You were in and out of it when they decided to take you into surgery. Luckily, you did not need it. I wasn’t allowed to go in there with you, but the doctor said that as soon as they got you in there the baby had crowned and within a matter of minutes the baby was born. I could hear the baby crying from outside the door. He definitely has a set of lungs on him.”

"I remember waking up and pushing her out,” Brian said softly. “It was a girl, Vic. I did not have a boy.”

Michael laughed. “Oh, Brian, you know that sometimes intuitions can be totally wrong. Mom said the whole time she was pregnant with me, the docs said she was having a girl, and well, here I am.”

Brian managed a small smile for his friend. He was entirely confused. He was sure that he had not seen a penis on the baby he birthed. There was everything that made up a little girl! But here he was, in the hospital room surrounded by cards, flowers and gift bags that all reflected him giving birth to a boy!

Before Brian could think anything more about it, Debbie came in and held the door open. A huge smile crossed her face and Michael got up from the bed. “Here he is, Brian,” he said excitedly as a nurse pushed the rolling cradle inside the room.

“It’s so nice to see you awake, Mr. Kinney,” the nurse said as he wheeled the cradle to the bed beside him.

Brian was almost afraid to look. But he did, and when he did, he saw a tiny little baby wrapped in a blue bundle wearing an oversized blue nursery cap on his head. There was a small sticker on front of the carriage that said BABY BOY KINNEY, and then right under it was his name and what was apparently the room number he was in.

“I told the doctor that you had woke up and he will be in here shortly to check on you. We thought that you might still be out of it for a while. There was a little mix up with your pain meds and we were not sure,when your last dose was,” Debbie told him.

“How long was I out?” Brian asked, still not taking his eyes off the bundled child as it was brought closer to him.

“Only about an hour, Brian,” Debbie answered.

Brian felt like it had been days. His head was so foggy and his body was so sore. He sat up a little more in the bed, ignoring the pain he felt in his backside. He heard the baby start to cry and chills ran up and down his spine. He did not know that cry. He did not think that it the same cry he had heard.

Rather than making a spectacle of this, Brian decided to look at the child a little more closely. ‘Maybe the pain meds have messed me up?’ he thought. He then asked the nurse if he could have a few minutes with the baby alone.

The nurse agreed wholeheartedly and his family went into the hall.

Brian watched as the nurse picked up the crying child and placed the baby in his arms. “He’s probably hungry,” he said, watching how the baby instinctively nuzzled into Brian’s chest calming down once he was in his father’s arms. “Have you thought about whether you are going to breast feed or bottle feed yet?”

Brian looked at the baby and then up at the nurse. “I was going to breastfeed, but....

“Oh! That’s wonderful! I can help you get situated with him if you would like. I nursed all three of my children. My name is Greg by the way.”

Brian warily nodded and smiled at him. “Okay, Greg, thanks. But I think I’d like to try it on my own. But can you hold him while I get situated?” He carefully handed the child over to the nurse and placed a pillow under his right arm. He was still feeling weak and new he would need it to help support the baby. Then, Brian opened the front of his hospital gown exposing his chest. “Ready,” he said softly.

Greg handed his child back to him and Brian thanked him and asked to be left alone again. He needed some one-on-one time with the infant, thinking that things would become clearer if he did not have any distractions.

Once the nurse left, Brian took the blanket away from the baby. He wanted a better look at him. With the blanket off Brian could clearly see the baby’s face, and it was true, the baby did look a lot like him. Down to the complexion. In nothing but a diaper it was obvious that the child had olive toned skin mirroring his.

Brian guided the baby’s mouth to his nipple and soon the child suckled happily and like a pro. Brian instantly felt the bond that he knew he was missing and lay down onto the pillows behind him.

Brian’s fingers rubbed lightly on the baby’s soft skin. “Well, you are not what daddy expected, but I’ll love you all the same,” he said softly, not noticing the tears that ran down his face. He put the blanket back over the baby and then took the child’s hat off.

A few dark hairs were scattered on the top of the baby’s head. Brian stared at the baby who seemed to know him yet, again, Brian was not sure if he knew this baby. He was positive that he had seen a head full of blond tufts of hair. There was not any blond hair on this baby. But again, the baby looked just like him!

Brian switched the baby around to his other nipple, and that is when he saw the baby’s birthmark. It was just the same as his. He sighed in relief and put one of his fingers into the baby’s grasp. His heart tightened with the love he had for his little boy. He did have a little boy!

Dreams and Visions of the future with his son raced through his mind. He then realized that he had to choose a name for his boy. He wanted something that sounded happy. He thought back to his childhood and remembered his teddy bear Gus. He had named him that after watching Cinderella at Michael’s house. Gus had always been his friend, and he still had a place for the wornout stuffed animal on his bed at Michael and Deb’s.

It was decided. Gus Mathew Kinney. That was his son.

Gus had gotten his fill and Brian drew the covers over them both a little. He patted the baby’s back to release any air bubbles, and a few minutes later, the baby had fallen asleep. Brian followed his child into slumber and once again dreamed of a blond boy dancing and singing.
 

Chapter Eleven: “His Story and History”
 

Elphelba: "None of which would ever have happened. If it wasn’t for me. "
Glinda:"But that was the milk flower's fault. Not yours."

 

December 15, 2007

Brian held onto the blond, his fingers digging into Justin’s arms as the memories caused him to suddenly realize for a fact that Justin was indeed his son's other father. Not only that, but he was also the boy from his dreams, dreams he now knew for sure were actually his memories.

He could still hear his own voice telling his fellow danseur that he loved him and always would as he moved inside the blond's tight hot body. Brian was sure that he had meant it then, and he was sure that he had never stopped.

The unexplained feelings that held him back but made him feel full had been Justin all along. Justin had been the real reason Brian refused to date. It was not because Daniel broke his heart. It was because he had already given it to Justin. His subconscious had been waiting until Justin came along once again.

Brian was putting everything together. The blond he watched dance was without a doubt Justin, this Justin before him, his Justin… and that boy had been pregnant! Where was that child? Was that child his?

A quiet knock on the hospital door startled Brian and Justin out of their thoughts.

“You okay?” Justin whispered, looking into Brian’s eyes.

Brian gave Justin a nod, still trying to process the information he had learned.

"Come in," Justin said in a squeaky voice as he stood up.

A redheaded candy striper came into the room carrying what looked to be a few sets of green scrubs. "Hello, Nurse Hailey asked me to bring these to you both. She told me that they are going to keep your son overnight for observation and you'll need to get out of those clothes." She walked to Brian and Justin and handed each man a set. “The sofa has a pullout bed and there are some extra blankets in the drawers too.”

"Thank you," Justin said. He would be glad to get out of his tights.

Brian smiled. “Thank you. And will you tell Nurse Hailey that we are turning in for the night and to not disturb us unless it is to check on Gus?"

"Sure. I will let her know. She wanted me to assure you that the decision to keep your son is a precaution. She told me to tell you that his vitals are all still good and that he will make a full recovery," the bubbly red-head said and turned to scamper out the door.

When the door shut, Justin turned to Brian. “You want me to stay here tonight?" he asked, his voice still shaky.

Brian nodded his head. “If you'd like to. I would like for you to be here when Gus wakes up so that we can tell him about you and me, together.”

"You are so sure that Gus' mine?" Justin asked. He knew but he wanted to hear Brian say it.

"Aren't you, Justin?" Brian said.

"Of course I am. But that is because I have remembered the night we made him, every night since then. But you…"

Brian cut in, "I never really forgot. I had memories of you and me in my dreams. That was all I could rationally think they were. But I remember it all now."

Justin gulped in a breath. “You do?" He knew that there was no getting away from telling Brian the truth about his baby now. The man would hate him. But, Justin could not hide it any longer. It had too large of a weight to carry around secretively for the last five years. No matter what the outcome, Justin would be somewhat glad to share his years of pain. Even if it caused the man he loved to hate him, the truth would finally be spoken.

"Yes. I remember that I told you I loved you right before I came inside you, Justin. And I remember you telling me the same, over and over, while you were still inside me." Brian felt himself blushing and the pent up years of desire for the blond began to surge through his body.

Justin was breathing heavily. He felt like the world was spinning around him. He needed some space. “Brian, can I take a shower?"

Brian eyed Justin. The boy was shaking and his chest was heaving. Maybe they both needed a break. So many things in their lives had changed in the last few hours and he didn't want to hurt Justin, he loved him.

"Sure, Justin," Brian said. "We can finish talking after we clean up."

"Okay." Justin turned and walked on weak legs to the bathroom door. He turned and gave Brian a small smile before disappearing behind it.

When Justin reached the inside of the bathroom he sprinted for the shower and stripped off his ballet clothes as fast as he could. He turned the faucet on and let it heat up for a moment before submerging himself in the hot pounding water of the tiled sanctuary.

Brian sat with his head in his hands, taking deep breaths and trying to process all that had happened and all that was going to happen. He looked up and across the room at his son.

His beautiful child would now have another father. He loved Gus, always had. But the fact that he was sure Justin was his father, and not Daniel, made his heart soar. They had created Gus.

But then, they had also created another child. Gus wasn’t the only child conceived that night. Or had Justin been with someone else? What had happened? Did Justin have a child of his own at home that he did not mention? Was the baby Justin had been pregnant with his? Or was it someone else's? Is that why Justin never made an effort to contact him? Brian's head spun with questions.

A knock on the door sounded, pulling Brian out of his thoughts. “Who is it?”

“It’s Ms. Chanders,” the person said, opening the door a crack.

Brian ran a hand over his face and sat up. “Oh, come in, please.”

Daphne looked over at Gus. “I just wanted to make sure he was all right. And you too.”

“He’s going to be fine,” Brian said. “They thought I needed stitches at first but I’m fine too, just a scrape and bump actually, head wounds tend to bleed a lot more. It definitely looked worse than it was in my case.”

“I’m so glad you are both okay. I know Justin must be really heartbroken over what happened,” Daphne told him.

Brian nodded his head. “You know Justin?”

“Of course,” Daphne said. “We’ve been friends since I attended the ABC.” She smiled at him. “That’s where I recognize you from. You’re Brian Kinney!”

“Yes,” Brian said softly.

Daphne heard the water running. “Were you getting ready to take a shower. I can leave. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Justin is in there,” Brian told her.

“Justin?” Daphne scrunched her face up. “What’s he doing here?”

“It’s a long story,” Brian said, his face blushing. “He’s been in there for quite a while.”

Daphne smirked. “Do you want to go check on him?”

Brian thought about it. “I guess, but…”

“Oh, I’ll look after Gus if he awakens.”

“Thank you. I’m sure if he sees you if he wakes up, he won’t be scared. If he is though feel free to bang on the bathroom door.”

“I will,” Daphne said sitting down beside Gus and turning the television on.

Brian grabbed his set of scrubs and entered the bathroom. He could faintly here sounds of crying from within the large shower enclosure. He knew he loved Justin, and his heart was breaking at the sounds of the broken and painfilled sobs.

"Justin?" Brian said. He could not see Justin through the foggy glass of the enclosure. "Justin?" Brian spoke a little louder over the sound of the spray but still did not get a response. All he heard were hiccupping sobs and cries.

Justin sat in the bottom of the shower. His legs were folded underneath him and he rocked back and forth, holding his stomach. Memories of the hopes he had for himself and his child beat into his head. There was nothing but agony inside him now.

Rationally, Justin knew that he should be crying tears of joy, because he did have a son. But his mind was not allowing that. His fears overtook him. Every irrational thought about what Brian would do or say to him once he found out the truth was at the forefront of his mind.

His fingers pressed almost painfully into his abdomen. It did not matter how many years had passed. The fact that he was fit and healthy and did hundreds of sit-ups a day was not an issue. His belly had never recovered from becoming stretched with pregnancy. It was a constant reminder that Justin felt each day.

On the outside, it was possibly unnoticeable. His abs looked trim and taut. The stretch marks were easily hidden by tights, or passed off as growing marks, if anyone did see. But Justin knew why they were there. Each one served as a reminder of each memory lost with his baby. The skin around his belly, when pressed in, felt like hollowed gel. Much as the way he had been feeling since the loss of his child.

Brian opened the shower door and saw Justin sitting on his knees, rocking back and forth, his arms wrapped around his waist. Justin looked up at him with fear. There was no light in those blue eyes. He had stopped crying, but they were still tearing.

At that moment, all Brian could see were two dark blue, red-rimmed eyes, full of guilt and pain. The blond looked so small and childlike in the large stall. Justin’s expression changed from blank pain to recognition. “Brian,” he pleaded.

Brian quickly got undressed and got into the shower. He crouched down beside the small man and gathered him in his arms. The hot water poured down onto them. Brian held the man he loved tightly. He could feel Justin's body shake and then sobs erupted from the blond again. The cries were so painful that Brian prayed for them to stop. They echoed off the walls and buried themselves into Brian's heart.

"I'm sorry," Justin said through his sobs. His body had gone limp now and had melted into Brian's embrace. "I don't know how... I...I…I, Oh...god, Brian."

"Shh," Brian soothed, his hands clasped now with Justin's fingers. He buried his face into Justin's neck and knew that he had to help the blond say what it was that he needed to know. "Was the baby mine, Justin?" Brian asked in a broken tone. He tried his best to give the boy a reassuring squeeze.

Justin turned around. His body slippery, gliding against Brian's body effortlessly. His legs were now circling Brian's waist. He had dreamt of this connection far, far, too many times. He was finally going to tell the man he loved for so long, what he had wanted to tell him so many times over the years.

"Justin?" Brian asked. He turned Justin's face up to look at him. "Where is that baby?" It took so much for Brian to ask that. Because truthfully, Brian was scared of the answer he was sure the question garnered by the way Justin was behaving.

He did not miss the way Justin tensed in his arms before he started to speak, “She... she was yours... and mine." Justin told him quietly, one of his hands made its way to his abdomen. "They...the...doctor said, that I, that I... didn't exercise enough, or...or...eat...the right things. My body was too young." He looked away from Brian and gulped in a breath.

“Oh God,” Brian choked out kissing Justin’s forehead, feeling his eyes start to tear.

"She had heart problems when she came out." Justin's memory of the delivery surfaced like a fog in his brain. "I don't remember much...I mean, I...when...when I woke up from a coma a week later, I had thought I had given birth to a boy. I had been so out of it, Brian. I did not even get to hold her. They told me it was a girl. My guardian, she...she buried her before I even woke. I woke up and I was alone. I did not have my baby."

Brian's face was now streaked with tears. His child had died. Oh, God, he could not even begin to imagine what it had been like for Justin to be alone dealing with that. All this time to have obviously, kept that tragedy a secret to himself. He knew that there was no way Justin would have been dancing at the ABC if it had not still been a secret. Brian held Justin to him. “I’m so sorry.”

“I wanted my baby, Brian. I did,” Justin told him, his hands on Brian’s face, daring him to believe him.

“I know,” Brian whispered.

“I did, Brian. I wanted my baby. I still want my baby,” Justin cried.

Brian brought Justin’s head down onto his shoulder and held the blond as they both cried.

Both men relished in one another's comfort. Finally, they both grieved for the child they had lost and the past that had been taken from them. This act was the start of how they needed to cleanse themselves, to start their future together.

Once Justin’s sobs had died down, he cleared his throat and looked up at Brian again. "I'm so fucking sorry, Brian. I should've taken better care of myself," Justin said. “I swear I really did listen to everything the doctor told me to do.”

Brian cleared his throat. “Justin, I'm sure it wasn't your fault. Did you have a tough pregnancy?"

Justin shook his head. “No, that's what I don't understand. Everything was going just fine until that day."

"Well I had a bad pregnancy with Gus. I was put on bed rest and I nearly lost him because I was stupid and stubborn. But I didn't and Gus turned out to be just fine. Sometimes things we can't control turn out all right," Brian told him as he wiped his wet face with his hands. His vision was blurry with his tears.

"But the doctor's and my guardian..."

"Were assholes," Brian interrupted. "They buried our child before you ever saw her. They don't seem like very smart people to me."

Justin nodded. "I wish I could have been there when Gus was born," he said quietly.

"Me too," Brian said and hugged Justin into his body. "I wish I could have been there for you too, Justin."

"You were. I thought about you all the time," the blond, told him.

"I love you, Justin," Brian whispered into his ear.

Justin looked up into Brian's eyes as shivers passed through his body. He was suddenly all too aware of their nakedness that was pressed so tightly together. “I've felt so lonely and empty all these years, Brian. I'm so glad to know that Gus is mine. I'd like for us to be a real family."

Brian nodded his head. He could feel his member harden as Justin shifted his body weight, sliding his own silky hardening dick against his own. He wanted Justin. He wanted Justin forever. "Do you want to marry me, Justin?" Brian asked, his hands cupping the blond's face.

"God yes!" Justin said. "I love you, Brian."

Brian smiled and touched Justin's belly with his fingertips. "I know we can't replace the little girl that we lost. But if you want to, we can try and not make this feel so empty anymore." Brian pressed his fingers softly into Justin's stomach.

Justin smiled at Brian. “I want to. But don't you think we might be rushing things a little bit. What about Gus?”

“Daphne Chanders stopped by to check on us,” Brian told him. “She’s got the television on and is keeping an eye on Gus while we’re in here.”

Justin blushed. “Did you tell her?”

“No. I think she just thinks we are becoming a couple,” Brian said smirking.

“Good, because I don’t want to tell anyone until we talk to Gus. I mean, we don't even know if he will like me. This will be a lot to take in," Justin said furrowing his brows.

Brian smiled and ran his fingers once again over Justin's face. “You look so much like him," Brian whispered. "I promise you, Gus will love you as much as I do. And he will be very happy to have a new Daddy and a baby brother or sister. It's what he asked for for Christmas."

Justin smiled at that. He could not wait to really meet his child. Hold him and kiss him. "But what about us?"

Brian shook his head. “That is simple. I love you and you love me. Nothing else matters. Don't you think we have wasted enough time apart?"

"You're right," Justin said holding Brian's face. They stared into one another's eyes deeply. "I don't want to waste any more time. I want to feel you inside me now." Justin pulled Brian's head down and their mouths met in a crashing kiss.

Their hands roamed and groped all the places they had both dreamt about for years until finally Brian gently laid Justin down on his back on the floor of the stall.

"Are you sure?" Brian asked looking down at a completely wanton Justin.

"I haven't had anyone since you. Just be careful okay?" Justin said.

"Okay," Brian leaned down and kissed Justin. He then placed Justin's legs on his shoulders and positioned his cock head at Justin's pink hole.

"Ahhh…" Justin panted heavily when Brian breeched his entrance. "Oh, god I forgot how much it hurts," he said through clenched teeth.

Brian looked down at Justin and paused his movements. “Do you want me to pull out?"

"No, keep going. I need it," Justin ached to feel Brian's cock fill him completely once again. "Oh, yes,” he hissed, trying to keep as quiet as possible. His hands clung to Brian's sides. "More, please," he said as Brian's cock stretched his walls and slid inside his warmth.

"You're so tight, Justin," Brian said. He was not even fully imbedded in Justin's hole. But he could already feel his balls tightening. Justin's muscles were squeezing his first four inches so tightly he had to give himself a minute or he would come too quickly.

Both of their hearts were pounding and their bodies seemed to be surging with electricity. The shower spray that landed on their lower halves seemed to intensify the tingles on their skin. It was the most thrilling experience either man could ever remember. The world began to fall away as they stared into one another’s eyes and processed their reunion into each other’s bodies.

"Kiss me, Brian," Justin ordered.

Brian leaned down and did just that. His tongue traced every place inside the blond's mouth and he felt his cock sinking in, enveloped to the hilt, in Justin's body.

Justin writhed around. He'd forgotten how big Brian was. But it felt so good. He knew that there was no turning back. He was at a prime time for becoming pregnant and he knew that shortly they would be making a child together. And this time they would be with one another to share in it all.

"Open your eyes, Justin," Brian said, shaking Justin out of his thoughts.

Justin opened his eyes to see Brian's lusty gaze trained on him. "You are so fucking beautiful," Brian told him.

It was then that Brian pulled out all the way to the tip of his cock and then plunged back within a half a second. Justin cried out in pleasure and moved his legs down to encircle and squeeze Brian's waist.

"So good, Justin," Brian breathed as his hips pistoned his cock in and out of his lover's hole. "I love the way you feel inside." Brian started to place kisses all over Justin's face.

Justin was lost in ecstasy. He could not speak anything but moans and groans. But Brian understood every one. His eyes were once again tightly shut. It was just too much passion and love. He was on sensory overload.

Soon he felt Brian's hand on his cock. But then Brian once again stilled his movements. Justin opened his eyes.

Brian saw the question in Justin's dark blues. “I want you to look at me when I come inside you, when we make our baby."

Justin had tears spring up from his eyes and down his cheeks. “I love you."

"I love you too, Justin.” Brian had a few tears rolling down his cheeks as well. He leaned down and started to kiss Justin fiercely.

Both of their eyes remained open, locking on each other's as Brian started to pump his dick furiously in and out of Justin in time with his hand pumping on Justin's cock.

"Come with me," Brian said huskily.

"Come inside me," Justin answered breathlessly, grinding his ass into Brian's cock as he stared into Brian’s eyes.

Justin lost the shred of reality he had left when he felt Brian's thumb nearly bury itself in his piss slit and he came in a blindingly intense orgasm. His cock shot spurt after spurt of juices, bathing Brian and himself in come before most of it washed down the drain.

Brian felt Justin's walls contracting around him. "Justin," he called his lover's name as he came hard and deep inside his lover.

They both lay in the bottom of the stall, their bodies shaking with aftershocks of orgasms. Brian stayed inside Justin's hole as long as he could. But eventually his cock slipped free.

The shower had started to cool down and was like knives to their over-heated sensitive bodies. Together they stood up and cleaned themselves. Both men were silent; the music of their love making hanging in the air was loud enough.

Brian helped Justin step into his set of scrubs. Justin was pretty weak and shaky so he was thankful for Brian's assistance. He nearly fainted though when Brian pulled up his pants and placed a gentle kiss on his stomach. He gave his lover a small smile. Justin was so glad that there was now so much hope for his future.

“I’m gonna go out first,” Brian said, sitting Justin down on the toilet.

Justin blushed. “Good, I’d hate to have to face her right now.”

Brian smiled and kissed Justin’s forehead. “How do you think I feel. She is my son’s…. our son’s teacher.”

Justin laughed quietly as Brian went into the other room to say his goodbyes, and thank Daphne for watching over Gus. Justin sat on the toilet and daydreamed, a smile plastered to his face.

Brian came back a few minutes later and led Justin out into the hospital room and sat Justin down on the bottom of Gus' bed while he started to pull out the foldout couch. It was late and he was sure Gus would be up early if he was feeling better. After he had the pillows and blankets on, he led Justin into the bed and climbed in beside him.

Justin felt so warm and safe. Brian spooned in behind him and drew the blanket up over them. "I love you," he heard Brian whisper into the night.

"I love you too, Brian. So much." Justin felt Brian squeeze him tightly.

Together both men fell into a deep restful sleep. Inside Justin, his body was working overtime. There was a child to be made.
 

***
 

December 16, 2007

"Daddy! Daddy!" Gus was sitting on top of Brian's stomach.

Justin and Brian both opened their eyes.

"Gus?" Brian said looking at his smiling son. He then looked over at Justin who was rubbing the sleep from his eyes the same way Gus did every morning. This made him smile. He sat up and hugged Gus to him.

"Good morning, Daddy!" Gus said. “I feel a lot better today."

Justin stared at Brian and Gus. He really, really wanted to hug his son but did not want to scare the child, so he just sat back and watched the interaction between the father and son with an anxious smile on his face.

"I'm so glad, sonny boy," Brian said. Justin's head snapped up. He had called his baby Sunny. He tried not to think of that but focused in on the smile Gus had on his face. It was like looking in the mirror; well, when he smiled, which had not been very often, until now.

This had been what he had imagined with his child. Then it occurred to him. Really hit him. Gus was his. All the things he had dreamt about with his baby he could now have with Gus, and hopefully with the baby he knew instinctively that he and Brian had created last night.

"Did you and Mr. Justin have a sleepover last night, Daddy?" Gus asked looking at Justin curiously.

Brian smiled. "Yes, Gus."

"Well good morning, Justin," Gus said crawling onto Justin's lap and giving him a kiss on the cheek before hugging him. "Hart was right. You are huggable." Gus buried his head into Justin's chest and Justin squeezed the boy back.

Justin never wanted to let Gus go. He put his nose into the boy's auburn hair and smelled it. He would never forget that smell as long as he lived. It smelled so familiar to him. He opened his blurry, teary eyes and saw Brian smiling through tears of his own. He reached his hand out and Brian held onto it, squeezing it tightly.

Gus leaned back, looked over at Brian, and then back at Justin. "Why are you both crying, Daddy?" Gus said worried that he had upset his dad or Justin.

"It's ok, buddy," Brian soothed. "We are crying because we are happy."

"You are?" Gus questioned looking at the blond.

Justin smiled. “Yes, Gus. We are both very, very happy."

"But why, Justin? You fell off the stage last night. Aren't you sad?"

Justin and Brian laughed. “I was, Gus. But only because I thought that I had hurt you and your Daddy."

"But we are okay, right, Dad?" Gus asked looking to his father.

Brian nodded his head in affirmation. “Gus, Justin and I have something to tell you."

Gus climbed off Justin's lap and back onto Brian's stomach. Justin immediately felt the loss. "What is it, Daddy?"

Brian smiled. “Do you remember what you asked Santa for about Daddy?"

Gus smiled. “Of course. I wanted you to get married so I could have a new Daddy and a little brother or sister."

Justin looked at Brian and they both smiled widely.

"That's right, Gus," Brian said. "Well, Santa wanted to give you your present early this year, since you have been such a good boy. And then maybe you could write to him and ask him for those new dance shoes I know you want.”

Gus smiled and looked from Brian to Justin and back and forth again. “Do you mean that you and Mr. Justin are going to get married and have a baby?"

Justin smiled. “Yes, Gus, we’re going to get married and try to have a baby."

"Yippee!!!" Gus launched himself once again into Justin's arms and started giggling. "Does that mean you are going to be my other Daddy, Justin?"

"Gus, Justin is your other Daddy," Brian said.

Gus' eyes got as big as saucers. "You are!" he nearly shouted. His small hands started to touch Justin's face. "I am your little boy?" Gus asked.

Justin nodded his head. “Yes, I am your Daddy, Gus. You are my little boy."

"But why didn't you ever see me?" Gus asked.

Justin frowned. "I didn't know you were mine. I only found out yesterday."

"Why didn't you tell him, Daddy?" Gus turned to Brian again.

"I didn't remember, Gus. The night that Justin and I met, I was in an accident that caused me not to remember him. After that, I was with another man. Do you remember me telling you about Daniel?"

Gus nodded his head. “You said that he helped you make me."

"I thought he did, Gus." Brian took a deep breath. “But I remembered last night, seeing Justin on stage dancing, that it was him. You see, I used to be a dancer at the same school that Justin went to. That is how we met. And last night I remembered him."

"But how do you know I am Justin's little boy?" Gus asked.

"Well, for one thing, last night they told us that you and I have the same type of blood. It's different than Brian's," Justin explained. "And because ours are the same it means that you are my son.” He knew that it wasn’t that simple, but it seemed like Gus was understanding it that way.

Gus smiled. "Really?" he asked.

Justin nodded. “Yes, but that's not the only way I knew you were mine."

Brian smiled at Justin. "How?" he asked, not sure how Justin would explain due dates to a boy of six years.

Justin took Gus' hand in his and opened his son's palm. He pointed to the crescent moon birthmark. "You have the same birthmark as me." Justin opened his palm.

Brian looked at Gus' hand and Justin's hand. Sure enough, the little 'cluster of freckles' he had kissed numerous times on Gus' palm was indeed a matching birthmark. "He also has one on his back that matches mine," Brian said. He lifted Gus' scrub shirt and in the center of the boy's back was a purplish red heart. "Mine is in the same place," Brian turned and lifted his shirt to show Gus and Justin.

"Daddies, this means you can be in me and Hart's secret club. She has a birthmark just like my heart on her back and she has a little moon right under her armpit," Gus said innocently, smiling at the thought of his new Daddy and Justin getting to be in his club.

Glinda- "That may be your secret Elphelba, but it doesn't mean it's true."
 

Chapter Twelve: “All Grown Up”

 

Little lies and big decisions
Who to tell and where to go
Follow someone else's vision
Or trust my own 'cause I don't know -BAP


December 16, 2007

Justin was lost, thinking about his past. The cruel harsh realities he had lived with. The guilt and pain that ate at his soul had made him almost inhuman. Just a dancer, nothing more, it had been all he would allow himself to believe he could be.

Last night, he had become a father. Now, it sounded as if maybe his daughter was not really lost. Could she really be alive? Or was it just a coincidence. His mind could not handle the questions, he felt himself falling into misery.

"What?" Brian gasped, jolting Justin out of his heartbreaking trip down memory lane.

"Me and Hart's secret club!" Gus said again. "Now you and Mr. Justin… I mean Papa, can join! It will be so much fun!" Gus climbed into the middle of the bed and started to jump up and down.

Brian and Justin's minds were running away from them. Did that mean that Hart was theirs? Somehow the daughter that Justin lost may be alive? If what Gus said was true, and Hart did indeed have the birthmarks that were an inherited trait from both Brian and Justin, she had to be theirs. But then, why would someone tell Justin that his child had died?

"Daddies, Daddies!" Gus broke his fathers out of their thoughts. "So do you want to join the club, daddies?"

Justin was forcing himself to hold back his tears, his thoughts. He did not want his imagination to blow things up and give him hope, but this seemed like too much of a coincidence. "Brian." Justin's lip was trembling; he looked to Brian for help.

"Yes, Gus, Justin and I would love to be in your secret club." Brian smiled and hugged his son. "So that means we have to go see Hart. But we need you to keep another secret until Daddy says it's okay to tell," Brian said in a very serious tone.

Justin looked at Gus and Brian. Their features so similar, but that face that Gus was making in that moment was one he had seen himself make many times. He could not stop from crying now. Tears once again spilled down his cheeks. Gus was his little boy, and it seemed, that possibly Hart may be his and Brian's little girl.

"What is the secret, Daddy?" Gus asked. "Sky Club Honor I won't tell."

Brian nodded his head. “I need you to not tell anyone that Justin is your other father just yet."

"Daddy," Gus said pouting. He wanted to tell everyone that he had met his other daddy and that he was going to have a baby.

"Brian, maybe..." Justin wiped his tears. He wanted to shout from the rooftops that he had a little boy. After last night's fiasco at the ABC, he doubted that he had any kind of career left with them. He wanted to be a family with Brian and Gus, and possibly, a new baby, and Hart.

"Hey boys." Brian pulled both of them close to him. "It's not that I don't want anyone to know. I want to tell everyone!" Brian said smiling. "But there are some things that Justin and I need to figure out before we do. The first thing we need to do is to call Lindsay and see if you Gus can stay the afternoon with them while Daddy and me work some things out."

Justin looked up at Brian with pleading eyes. He did not want to separate from Gus for a minute! He had already missed so much of his young life. He did not want to let him go.

Brian could read the look in Justin's eyes. He understood where the man was coming from. It was still a shock to him that Justin was real, not just a dream mystery man. He did not want to let Justin out of his sight. But, they had so much to discuss. “I know that you guys want to spend some time together. But there will be time for that for the rest of our lives. But today..." Brian turned his gaze to Justin's and spoke in a low tone. "We have to find out."

“Okay.” Justin put his arm around Brian’s waist. “Where do we start?”

“That’s definitely a loaded question,” Brian told him, kissing Justin’s forehead.

Gus stared at the two men with a big smile on his face. He really liked seeing his Daddy so happy, especially with his new Daddy. He started to giggle, plopped back down on the bed, and crawled toward Brian and Justin.

“What’s so funny, sonny-boy?” Brian said smiling as he saw Gus laughing and burying his head against Justin’s chest.

“You’re my Papa,” Gus told Justin looking up at him and smiling.

“I am,” Justin, said smiling. Putting his arms around Gus and holding him. “You’re my little boy Gus, and I love you so much.”

Brian watched the interaction as Justin peppered kisses all along Justin’s face. “You two really do have the same smile.”

Justin looked at Brian and smiled even wider at him. “We do?”

“Yeah, it’s always taken my breath away,” Brian, told him. “He was six weeks old the first time he really smiled.”

A knock on the door sounded and Dr. Hailey popped her head in. “Good morning, guys.”

“Good morning,” the three boys in the foldout bed said.

“Well, I’ve come here with your release papers,” she told them walking into the room. “I’d like to have a look at Gus’ head one more time.”

“Oh,” Gus pouted.

“It’s all right, Gus, Daddy and I will stay right here with you.”

“Thanks, Papa,” Gus said, puffing his chest out. “I can be brave if you hold my hand.”
 

***
 

After the doctor gave the brunets their release papers, nurse Hector delivered the three of them breakfast. Which surprisingly wasn’t bad for hospital cafeteria food. Over breakfast, Brian and Justin discussed their plans for the day. Then, Brian called Lindsay to tell her he would be coming by with Gus and that they needed to talk. They knew that anything they talked about concerning Hart needed to start with Lindsay. After that was confirmed, Brian took Gus into the bathroom to help him shower while Justin took care of the vehicle arrangements.

Justin called Daphne to see if she could pick up his car from the parking garage at the ABC. Thankfully, Daphne and her boyfriend were shopping in the neighborhood. She also offered to go by the theatre and picked up Brian and Gus’ coats that had been in the coat check.

Justin met her downstairs and she tried to ask Justin what was going on, but as usual, the blond was very secretive, something Daphne was used to. Therefore, she told him to get in touch with her if Justin wanted to talk. He assured her he would and gave her a hug before she left. She really was a good friend, Justin only wished that he would have been as good a friend to her over the years. He was always so busy with the ABC, and then added to the time he spent with Hart he rarely got to see Daphne.

There were also a lot of things in Justin’s life that he’d kept from her for various reasons. He wanted to tell her about Gus and everything else. But Brian and Justin were unsure of who they would tell these revelations to. They didn’t want people to think they were crazy before they had the facts. The two men needed some time alone to process everything before all the questions started. They were sure that once everything came together, they would need to contact the police for starters.

Justin parked his car in the lot before grabbing the coats and some items from the clean basket of laundry he had in the trunk. Even though Brian was tall, Justin was sure the man could fit into one of the pairs of jeans that Justin wore long. He also grabbed his old winter coat he’d stuffed in his back seat. For Gus, Justin went down to the gift shop and bought a sweatshirt and sweatpants outfit that bore the hospital's name.

He figured it would be good enough until they got him home. But Justin wondered where home would be. He and Brian had not had time to discuss any of it. Justin assumed that he would go and live wherever Gus and Brian did, but what he would do once there was another story. Justin knew there were so many things he and Brian needed to work out, but first they needed to find out the most important thing. Today, he was going to find out if Hart was his child. That thought made him extremely nervous, excited, scared, happy and hopeful, though he did not want to get his hopes up too much.
 

***
 

“This is a really nice car,” Gus said as Justin buckled him into the built-in child seat in the back of the SUV.

“Thank you, Gus,” Justin smiled, buckling his son inside and kissing him on the forehead.

“Definitely beats our old beat up station wagon doesn’t it, Gus?” Brian remarked as he got into the passenger side.

Justin frowned, he hated to think, to know that Brian and Gus had probably struggled financially all this time. He vowed to himself that now that he would have access to his trust, they would never have to worry about money again. “I won the car through a ballet competition earlier this year,” Justin told them as he buckled himself in and started the car. “I wouldn’t have had the money to pay for this yet.”

Brian screwed up his face. “How do you have the money to sponsor Gus?”

“When my parent’s died they left me a trust fund, Brian. Though I'm not able to access it until I am twenty-five,” Justin told him.

“Papa, can you turn on Disney radio?” Gus asked from the back seat.

“Disney Radio?” Justin asked Brian.

“It’s a radio station that plays Disney songs,” Brian told him.

“Oh, well go head,” Justin said, turning on the radio.

Brian programmed the station and then Justin reached forward and changed the speakers only to play in the back.

“Thank you!” Gus said, settling back into his seat.

“You’re welcome, Gus,” Brian told him. He then turned toward Justin. “He’ll probably take a nap now. He usually goes to sleep pretty easily if music is playing and he’s in a car.”

Justin gave Brian a little smile. “I really hate that I don’t know these things about my own child. I want to know everything. I should know all of this, Brian,” Justin said desperately.

“I know,” Brian told him, placing his hand on Justin’s thigh. “I want you to know everything too. One day you will, Justin,” Brian told him.

“Brian, there’s something I haven’t told you yet,” Justin said nervously.

“What?” Brian said worriedly.

“Daniel Montgomery and his wife were my guardians, Brian,” Justin told him. “I keep asking myself why they would have done all of this to us, and I think I’ve figured it out.”

Brian shook his head. “This is nuts. It feels like there is some sort of conspiracy against us, Justin. This all can’t be a coincidence.”

Justin swallowed. “I am pretty sure it isn’t, Brian.”

“But why would they do this? It couldn’t have been only because Daniel wanted to cover up what….he… what he did to me.” Brian felt tears coming into his eyes and wiped them away.

“He’s going to fucking pay for that,” Justin told him, lacing his fingers with Brian’s. “They are going to pay for everything they did to us.”

“But why, Justin? Why do you think they did this?”

“That trust fund that my parents left me, and god knows what else, they have had sole control over it until my twenty-fifth birthday,” Justin explained.

“Money!” Brian said. “But, you’re only twenty-three, why would they do this?”

“I was able to access the money for charitable uses, housing, food, and clothing. But I would have received full access to everything in the will if I had a child,” Justin told him. “They did this because they didn’t want me to take their free ride away. That, and the fact that Mrs. Montgomery was using my abilities as a danseur to advance her standing within the American Ballet Company.”

“I can’t believe this, Justin. I can’t believe that people would be so evil to…”

“They are, Brian. What else could explain it? They must have somehow found out you were pregnant with my child, too. I think they took my baby, I think they paid my doctor off and I do not know what else happened. But we’re going to find out, Brian.”

“And they’re going to pay for everything they’ve done,” Brian vowed.

Justin looked in the rearview mirror, it reflected Gus’ seat filled with his little boy, conked out napping. He turned back to Brian. “Brian, we’re going to figure out everything. Everyone that has hurt us will pay for it. But, I don’t want to think about that right now. We can think about that when we go to the police.”

“I know,” Brian told him. “I’m just so angry. But I should also be so happy, I’m just scared I’m going to lose you. I’m scared that Hart may not be ours.”

“Whatever happens, Brian, you aren’t going to lose me or Gus. We’re yours forever, just as you both are mine. Now, I want you to start catching me up.”

“What do you want to know?” Brian asked.

“Everything…” Justin told him with a small smile as he once again glanced back at his son.

“Where should I start?”

“At the beginning,” Justin said softly. “Tell me what it was like the first time you held him. Tell me what he looked like the first time you saw him sleeping.”

And so, Brian began to talk and answer as many questions as he could that Justin had as they made the drive to Lindsay and Melanie’s house.

They parked the car in Lindsay's driveway.

Immediately Hart and Jenny Rebecca came running out the front door, bundled in matching pink fluffy winter coats, hats and mittens. A golden retriever came out behind the girls. Both were excited to see Justin’s car pull up unexpectedly in front of their house.

Then they noticed the now wide-awake Gus that was climbing out of the SUV too. They crowded around him as they always did, and greeted them all.

Lindsay and Melanie came out the door after the giggling girls. They were wondering why Brian and Justin had shown up there together. When Brian called that morning, he had not mentioned anything about Justin. Now they were wondering what in the world they wanted to talk to them about. It all seemed very weird.

Brian noticed the look on his friends' faces. They were more than surprised. Brian had not dated or been interested in the same sex at all since Gus was born, and Justin was equally the same, claiming responsibility to his dedication to Hart and to the ABC. Now, in one night, could the eternal bachelors they both knew and loved actually have fallen in love?

Last night's fiasco was all over the news. Lindsay and Melanie were all too aware that the ABC suspended Justin. And today he was here, with Brian and Gus. She wondered if maybe Justin had decided to settle down and get out of the ABC like he’d always said he wanted but had been too afraid to do. She whispered this to Melanie but her partner had told her not to get her hopes up, but neither woman was blind to the bond that they saw between Brian and Justin on first glance.

They had also immediately seen the bond between Justin and Hart, from the beginning. Maybe now, Lindsay hoped, Justin would go for the adoption of Hart, like she knew he'd wanted to since he first saw her.

Seeing Hart was like seeing the little girl for the first time. Both Brian and Justin got out of the car, Gus already beating them to Hart. They watched with new eyes as the two children smiled together and kissed each other's cheeks. Brian stood next to Justin and took his gloved hand within his own.

Brian and Justin greeted Lindsay and Melanie from down in the yard, as Jenny Rebecca ran up to the front porch, taking their attention.

Lindsay was busying herself attaching the leash to their dog for Jenny Rebecca to walk him around the yard. They were trying to teach her responsibility. While Lindsay was occupied with Jenny and the dog she heard Melanie calling her name softly.

"Lindsay. Lindsay," Melanie prodded. Helping her wife stand back up from the step she’d sat on, she pulled her up so Lindsay could look across the yard to the driveway where Brian was holding Justin close to him. “They are together.”

Hart and Gus started talking to one another a mile a minute. Their matching expressions sent chills down all four of the adults’ spines. It was noticed before, they had all commented on it. But this time, with Brian and Justin smiling and looking on, to Melanie and Lindsay, things seemed to be completely different.

Lindsay and Melanie did not know how, or why. Somehow, they were suddenly sure that Justin Taylor and Brian Kinney had a little more in common than the ABC. That was when it all clicked.

The women could not tear their eyes away as the saw the happy expressions on Brian and Justin's faces while they watched the children playing. They also saw tears falling down their faces too. They watched quietly as Justin turned to Brian.

"She, she's ours. There is no doubt in my mind," Justin whispered, restraining himself from running toward Hart. The wind carried his soft whisper to Mel and Lindsay’s ears.

Brian squeezed Justin to him and nodded his head. He then took a deep breath and took Justin's hand as they walked to where Gus and Hart were standing and both crouched down to be at their level.

"Hello, Brian. Hello, Justin," Hart greeted them.

Both men were speechless. She rolled her eyes in a very Justin way and launched herself into both of their embraces. Soon Gus was in on it and they began rolling around on the grass, tickling one another and laughing.

Still, Melanie and Lindsay stood to the sidelines. Questions ran wild through their heads. If Hart was their child then how did they not know where she was? How did they find out who she was?

Brian and Justin untangled themselves as Jenny came up begging for Gus and Hart to go up the ladder into the tree house with her for just a few minutes. It was actually one of the warmer days of winter and they liked to give their kids some outdoor time if they could. It helped them run off steam and sleep soundly at night.

Brian and Justin waved to them and kept their eyes trained on their children, as first Jenny, Gus and finally Hart started to climb the long ladder. Just before they looked away, they saw Hart lose her footing and fall the six feet to the ground.

Hart let out a cry. She was not hurt too badly; she just hit her head hard in the sandbox below. It had scared her more than it hurt her, but she was still crying and in need of comfort.

Justin, Lindsay and Melanie took off running to see after Hart. By the time they got there, Jenny and Gus surrounded her making sure she was all right.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," she said through hiccups, choosing to hold onto Justin. Justin rocked her small body close to his. Feeling the connection they had always shared and now, suddenly knowing why.

Justin looked for Brian and saw the man walking toward them in a daze. Hart's cry still echoed in his ears. "She's fine, Brian," Justin said as Brian stared at the little girl with tears in his eyes.

Brian sat down beside them. Gus plopped himself on Brian's lap and hugged him. “The sand saved her, Daddy!" Gus told him.

"I heard her cry," Brian said, now staring at Justin. His entire body was shaking as he smoothed the blond hair out of her eyes.

"I know, Brian. But she's fine." Justin smiled at Brian, a little worried at the man's behavior and then looked down at his daughter. "You are going to make it Hart, right?" Justin said at the now smiling girl.

"I sure am." She then smiled at Brian and traded Gus spots. Brian caressed his child's beautiful blond hair.

Melanie and Lindsay stood speechless watching the intimate moment.

Brian's eyes sought Justin's blue eyes. "Her cry matched the one I heard in the hospital when I woke up as I was giving birth," he whispered.

"What?" Justin said.

"I was sure I had a girl, Justin, and I did."

"But, but, what about Gus?" Justin said hugging Gus to him.

Brian just stared from Gus to Justin, prompting his lover to say what was in his heart.

"He, he's mine, I had a little boy," Justin said, holding Gus to him. “I had Gus. I knew I saw that I had a boy. They told me it was a girl! But I didn’t believe them.”

“I gave birth to her,” Brian said. “I don’t know how they switched them, but… they had to have.”

Melanie and Lindsay gasped as they heard this.

Brian and Justin held tight to their children. Wondering how in the hell all of this could have happened? But they knew who was behind it and they would pay for it.

All this time Justin thought he had given stillbirth to a little girl. Moreover, all this time Brian had been raising his baby, and poor Hart had been stuck in the foster system until Lindsay and Melanie had taken her. Then, Justin sponsored her. They were all so close to one another for all these years. The ABC had been what had torn Brian and Justin’s family apart, but now it was what had brought them together.

It seemed the more they learned the more questions Brian and Justin would have. It was obvious that the Montgomery's had lied to Justin about his baby. But they wondered exactly how they had accomplished it all.

Daniel had lied to Brian about so many things. They were going to find out the truth.

Brian and Justin grasped hands and looked into one another's eyes. The world seemed so scary. Now, Brian and Justin were not alone, they were not children. They were all grown up. They would figure it all out in time, as a family.

The people who had separated them would have that power stripped from them. Brian and Justin would go on and be the family they were always meant to be.

THE END
 

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