All The World's A Stage

Chapter Five: “One Last Refrain”

One Song, Glory, One Song, Before I Go, Glory, One Song To Leave Behind, Find One Song, One Last Refrain, Glory, From The Pretty Boy Front Man, Who Wasted Opportunity, One Song, He Had The World At His Feet, Glory, - J. Larson

 

3rd Person P.O.V.
December 15, 2007

"Brian, are you all right?" Justin asked as the nurse shut the door behind him. He slowly walked over to the man before him.

Brian said nothing, he never heard the dancer ask his question. Just as his brain cleared, with Justin’s words his brain had gone into information overload. He remembered everything about the night of the recital.

He remembered the way Justin’s lips felt as they kissed his flesh. His ears tingled even now as a memory of the boy's moan danced through his head. It was all there, every kiss, every word of love spoken and every single fucking caress and climax.

As quickly as that lost memory surfaced, more painful ones came into his mind. His body involuntarily shook from the shock of them.

Brian remembered making it to Daniel’s apartment that night. Daniel had started to push him around, grabbing onto his wrist painfully and dragging him to the bedroom. The fear he felt in those moments was all real and new as Brian relived the memories.

Justin did not know what to do. He thought of calling for a doctor when Brian did not answer him right away, but he could not bring himself to walk away from the hand that unconsciously reached out and grasped his arm just as he was about to get up and call one. Brian’s hand gripped him as though Justin were his lifeline.

Justin was scared when he saw the painfilled look Brian pinned him with. When Brian let out a small moan, full of pain, Justin knelt beside Brian’s chair and engulfed the man in a hug. It felt so heavenly to be finally touching Brian after so long, but it was frightening to him too. He was still scared of Brian hurting him, but Brian was obviously more vulnerable than he was right now.

All thoughts of pulling away from Brian went out the window when the brunet slid from his chair to the tile floor where Justin was and started to sob. “I didn’t want to leave you; he lied to me. I just did not remember. He made me not remember you, Justin.” These words were choked out over and over again.

Justin found his own tears staining his face. His small body cradled the larger man close to him whispering words of comfort. While cries of misunderstandings, lies, and regret bore into his ears, leaving him more than a little confused and completely terrified for the man he held, the man he loved.

September 2, 2000

“Daniel, no, please, I don’t think this is working between us. I don’t want to do this anymore,” Brian said crying, trying to release himself from the larger angry man’s hold.

Daniel spun around and pinned Brian against the wall in the hallway. “You don’t think this is working!” He spat each word into Brian’s tearful face.

Chills of fear crept up Brian’s spine. “N…”

Before Brian could get the word out he felt a hard punch go to his gut and then, not a second later a fist connected with his face.

He saw stars behind his eyes, barely felt the pain as the world went black.

The next thing he knew, he was on Daniel’s bed. His clothes were in the process of being torn from his body. Daniel was on top of him screaming, “Stop fucking fighting this, Brian. I know it's what you want.”

Daniel's dark coal-like eyes dared him to differ. And Brian did. He kicked Daniel in the chest, his strong muscled leg making the man lose his grip on his waist for just a moment, but that was not enough to stop the man.

“You like it rough, doll?” Daniel asked and started to punch Brian in the face repeatedly.

Brian cried out and struggled, but soon his muscles gave out and he could only lay there as his former lover stripped his clothing and flipped him onto his stomach. “Please stop. You’re hurting me!”

Daniel’s weight crushed the younger man into submission. “Shut the fuck up!” Daniel beat Brian in the back of the head with his fist twice before Brian’s head collapsed onto the mattress. He could not have lifted it if he tried. He could barely even scream.

The crying dancer felt his abuser’s thick rough hands part the cheeks of his bottom. He tried to imagine it was the blond doing this to him, but then pushed those beautiful memories far, far away from this terrifying reality.

The sound of a condom wrapper sliced into his head along with the beating of his erratic heart. He prayed to God and anybody else to stop what he knew was the inevitable.

As his ass cheeks were spread apart, Brian thought he was going to be killed for sure. He knew that his hole probably showed signs of his recent sex. He felt the man’s cock halt its rise to his hole. The cold air hit his warm orifice and he knew that Daniel was seeing the evidence. This scared him more than the beating had.

“Well you fucking dancing slut! You let someone else fuck you, shoot his nasty cum inside you?” With every other word spoken, a loud thump of Daniel’s fist pounded onto his lower back.

He could not even process what the cum inside of him meant. He was in so much fucking pain.

“You nasty whore!” Daniel roared and punched him one more time.

Brian could feel and hear a crack in his ribs and an enormous amount of pain. “Ahhh! Stop!” he whimpered.

The angry latex covered rod quickly found his hole. “At least you’re lubed up, cause I am not going to stop fucking you until you pass out!”

Brian knew Daniel’s cock was tearing up his insides. He cried out, “Justin!”

Then another hard thump walloped onto his back and he was gone.

December 15, 2007

When Brian had awoken in the hospital, dazed, memory lost, with his loving boyfriend telling him he was mugged outside his apartment. Brian believed him. He knew of no other explanation. He was also on a variety of painkillers at that point so he accepted any calm words spoken to him by Daniel as truth. “How could I have been so stupid?” he cried.

Justin listened to the broken sobs of sentences about the abuse and lies. Then the name Daniel Montgomery grazed Brian’s lips and traveled to his ears. It caused him to stop rocking Brian. However, the man seemed to be so out of it, he did not notice.

Daniel Montgomery was the man whom his parents left his care to when they died. He still had seen none of the man’s caring side. All the Montgomery’s ever wanted of Justin was a playtoy to mold into the perfect danseur. At least that is what Daniel's wife wanted.

Justin learned at an early age to stay away from the man. He also knew that Daniel could not give two shits about his well-being as long as he kept Mrs. Montgomery out of his hair and entertained.

In turn, any of Justin’s dreams were spoiled and forgotten. All except one, and it seemed now, in some crazy fucked up twist of fate; Daniel Montgomery had cost him the only dream he had left in his life and the one that had started to flourish the day Brian helped him in dance class. Justin was determined not to allow that man, or his wife any more power over his life.

“Brian, it’s okay,” Justin whispered.

“But if I hadn’t gone, if, if, I didn’t answer that phone, fuck! I knew it was him, Justin.” Brian wiped the tears from his face and stared up at the blond.

Justin had tears rolling down his cheeks and wiped them away as well. He wanted Brian to see his eyes. He wanted Brian to see the truth in them. “No, Brian, if you didn’t answer the call he would have come to the dorms and found you. Found us.” Justin touched the side of Brian’s face and stared into his eyes with affection and assurance. “You saved me, Brian. Who knows what he would have done.”

“If I knew that Gus was your baby, Justin, I would never have kept you from him,” Brian swore.

“I know that Brian.” Justin thought of the last few years and how he had sponsored Gus Kinney. Justin could not help but smile at this good twist of fate.

Brian noticed the grin that spread across Justin’s face and the faraway look in his eyes. “Justin, what is it?” he asked confused.

“I have been Gus' sponsor. My own child’s sponsor.”

“What?” Brian asked amazed.

“I am the person who has been sponsoring Gus!” Justin smiled, looking like a child. Like Brian’s child. It made Brian’s heart flutter. “When my parents died they left me money in a trust fund, but the only way I could use it was for my own housing or charities until I was 25, unless I got married or had a..” Justin trailed off on the last word. He now did have a child.

“What? Brian asked seeing sadness once again enter Justin’s baby blues.

Justin shook his head to clear it from the dark thoughts. “A child.” He looked over at Gus and smiled and then back at Brian.

“Well, now you do have a child. That is if you want to be his father, Justin,” Brian said softly. He did not want to scare the blond away. No, he and Gus had gotten along just fine before, and he was not going to force his son on Justin. No matter how much Brian could admit he loved Justin and wanted to be a family with him.

Justin smiled. “Yes, Brian.” Justin embraced the ex-dancer and whispered in his ear, “Gus is a beautiful boy and I have waited a long time to be a father.”

Late November 2000 

The ABC’s officials told Brian to take as much time as was needed to recover from the attack before going back to the classes at the ABC. His favorite instructor, Mrs. Lintel stopped by with soups and the occasional batch of cookies. She was his only visitor. Brian was not allowed to have any non-ABC members visit unless it was family week, no matter the circumstances.

Daniel refused to go to Brian’s room at the dorms. However, he had been before. He told Brian it was too risky because now the officials were keeping an eye on him. Once Brian’s 18th birthday hit the next month they would not have to hide anything. Of course, Daniel was really only staying with Brian to make sure the boy did not remember what had actually happened to him.

One night a week Brian would take a cab to Daniel's apartment, where Daniel would so kindly be awaiting him on the sidewalk. The older man would lead a shaking Brian up the stairs of the complex and into his apartment. The younger man was none the wiser.

Brian had yet to give himself to his boyfriend. He had not been feeling well, and though it had been almost three months since the attack, he could not bring himself to be that close to Daniel or anyone else.

Each one of those frustrating nights, Brian would go back to the ABC and make his way to the training rooms to get back in shape. Each night he saw a young blond boy doing what Brian figured was a nightly regime of an attitude, arabesque, and attitude combination in front of the long wall of mirrors in the dark room. The boy seemed so in tune with silent music that Brian was sure played only in his head.

Brian would watch as the blond moved throughout the room effortlessly and comfortably as though he was the music. The boy looked young and Brian was sure that once the kid was his age he would have the Academy’s full support in his dancing career.

For an hour or more Brian watched the young man. Oddly comforted and soothed by the familiar and new movements. Brian never felt as relaxed as he did when he watched the boy dance. Then when the boy would leave for the night, he would take over the studio and feel such a sense of freedom as he danced within the same place the mysterious blond had used minutes before.

December 1, 2000

Tonight, Brian had left Daniel’s house feeling sick to his stomach. He knew he was depressed and had gained some weight in the time he had been away from the rigorous training but he did not realize how much until he was standing in his navy tights and tank top and could see clearly that his stomach had become mound-like. Normally, he wore sweats but tonight he wanted to work his muscles and really see the outlined movement the tights provided.

Before Brian could think anything more of it, he heard the sound of quick soft footsteps heading toward the back of the studio into the bathroom where he was. He quickly ran to the last stall and found himself sitting on the lid of the tank with his feet on the toilet seat. He did not want anyone to know he was training or the instructors would begin to pester him about everything, and he just could not deal with any of that yet.

He sat and listened as one of the far stalls swung open rapidly and then he heard the sound of heaving. It was not exactly an unfamiliar sound in the halls of the ABC, but Brian had not ever imagined the fit and healthy looking blond to be one of the many who were so unhappy with their bodies that they needed to throw up after they had eaten. As Brian thought about it, he realized it was nearly three in the morning. What would the blond have eaten recently to throw up?

Snacks were not allowed in the young ABC dorm rooms, and Brian was sure that was where the boy lived. He would know him otherwise.
 

***
 

For the fourth time that day, Justin was puking his guts up in the toilet. This had been the third week he was labeled by his classmates as a bulimic.

It was also going into the fourth week since Justin realized he probably was not bulimic. Especially because he ate nearly every sweet and salty thing he could get his swollen hands on while the eatery was open.

After Justin was finished, he decided to get his worn out body into bed and left the studio. Tomorrow morning he would tell his class instructor that his allergies were bothering him and would make a doctor's appointment.
 

***
 

Seconds after the blond left, Brian felt his own stomach churn, and spit suddenly claimed his mouth. Within seconds, he too was throwing up down the toilet. His whole body ached when he was finished and instead of training, Brian went to his room. “Maybe something is going around the ABC?” he wondered.

He also decided to make an appointment with his doctor the next day. If he was going to get back to dancing, he had to be healthy.

December 2, 2000

Two young men in two separate doctor's offices in two different parts of New York received the same tests. Then two hours later, both of their doctors gave them the same positive test results.

What happened from there for each boy, who had suddenly become a man, was two entirely different things. The outcome at the end of the next two weeks so entirely different, that neither man could ever want or expect.

December 15, 2000

“Justin, I really recommend that you take the ABC’s offer to advance early. They have been watching you closely and they have recognized your talent.” Justin sat across from Mrs. Montgomery at the café down the street from the dorms.

He did not want to meet with her, but it was necessary. He had to tell her. “I did not come here to talk about that, Mrs. Montgomery.” He never called his caregivers by their first names. When he did as a child, they only corrected him stating the proper etiquette.

The wiry looking woman looked at Justin in shock. “Well, then, why on earth did you demand to my secretary that you needed to meet with me to discuss something very important? I fail to see how anything is more important than your advancement in the ABC.”

Justin knew that this would be hard. He rolled his eyes. “Actually, the life of me and my child is much more important.” Justin spoke quickly waiting for the woman across from him to start shrieking at him. He had taken her to a public place to assure that nothing physical would happen to him.

“Did you say child?” she shrieked and drew attention from the other patrons to her and Justin’s table.

After a few moments of silence, the patrons turned back to their caffeine and magazines. Justin leaned in across the table. “Yes, I am pregnant, and I am going to have my baby, and I want you to give me my legally gained access to my parents' will and P.O.A.” Justin stared as the woman became white and frazzled but then straightened herself.

“You listen to me, Justin. You will not have this child. You will not throw away everything I have worked for to help you. You will take the position you have been offered, and Daniel and I will figure out what to do to get you out of this mess that you are in,” she told him firmly, squeezing Justin’s hand a little too tightly.

Justin shook his head and drew his hand back. “No, I will not!”

“You will.” Mrs. Montgomery’s voice was but a cold whisper. “You are nothing, you know nothing about raising a child, you are too young and I am sure whoever the father is probably wants nothing to do with you. What are you going to tell your child when they ask about him or you and why you threw away all your dreams so you could raise the little bastard? You will not throw your life away, Justin. I will not allow it. When your father left you to us, it was up to us to mold you into a good person who would become a success, not some dropout with a kid.” Her brown eyes softened for a moment and she took his hand again. “This is what your mother would have wanted for you, Justin. They never would want you to risk the rest of your life to raise a kid you do not want.”

Justin had tears in his eyes as he wondered what his mother would say to him about the baby. Was Mrs. Montgomery right? Would his parents be disappointed in him if he failed out of the ABC? Moreover, what did he know about being a father? Nothing. Because he was nothing, and he could not have his child raised by someone like him. Maybe if Brian even talked to him the slightest he could tell him about the baby. Then maybe they could raise the baby together.

Justin had gone through that scenario too many times. He knew he could never do it. Brian would toss him away the way he had probably intended on doing that night. Mrs. Montgomery was right. He could not have his child.

Justin nodded his head in submission. “I will have to have a late term..." He could not finish his sentence. It was too hard. He had dreamed of what his life would be like with the small being inside of him, but those were just fantasies. His reality was apparent.

Or was it?

Chapter Six “Take a Bow”

Say Goodbye. All the world is a stage. And everyone has their part. But how was I to know which way the story’d go? How was I to know you’d break, you’d break, you’d break my heart. I’ve always been in love with you. Guess you’ve always known. You took my love for granted. Why? Oh, why? The show is over say goodbye. Say goodbye. –Madonna
 

December 16, 2000

Shortly after Justin's meeting with Mrs. Montgomery, he decided that no matter what, he was going to keep his baby. Once he had time alone to himself, he started to weigh everything in his head.

He knew he would have to quit the ABC. He decided that he would rather run away and live in a shelter than have an abortion. He would then get his trust and legally be an adult. He knew he would have to work very hard to give his child a chance at a real life, but already he loved his baby, and no one was going to force him to get rid of his sunshine.

Justin walked back to his dorm room, sent home sick from his morning class. He had to tell his instructor that he wasn’t feeling well when she suggested that the class go to the pool and swim as a part of their exercise.

It was one thing to practice in tights and baggy sweaters, but it was entirely another to be in a pair of skimpy swim trunks. Everyone would have noticed his plump little belly.

That was when he knew that he would have to leave the ABC. The sooner the better. As soon as he reached his room he changed out of his tights and started to pack his things.

There was only so much he figured he could take with him, so he was nearly packed in just under an hour when a loud knock sounded at his door. He grabbed his terrycloth robe to hide his stomach. He had changed into his street clothes, pair of pants and a t-shirt that was too small for him. After donning the robe he opened the door and rolled his eyes at the woman before him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Instinctively he clutched his arms around his belly, to hide his child from the woman who wanted it aborted.

"Justin, I think we need to talk," she said with a soft tone Justin had never heard her use.

"What's there to talk about?" he snipped once she sat on his sofa.

"You, your baby. The state we left things, well, I just want you to know that I talked to Dan." She looked at Justin who stood above her. “I told him that you were pregnant and that you needed our help."

"Your help?" Justin scoffed and started to pace. “You want to give me money to get rid of my baby! I don't think so."

"Oh, Justin." Mrs. Montgomery buried her face in her hands. "I am so sorry; I thought that was what was best for you. I didn't mean it."

Justin stopped pacing and looked at his guardian, if she could be called that. “Yes, you did." He hissed, "You do not give a shit about me or my baby."

"I do, Justin." Mrs. Montgomery looked up at Justin with tears in her eyes. "I just wanted you to be successful. I wanted you to have a good life, and I thought it was best at the time, but I thought it over last night and now I know that's not true." She stood and neared him.

"I'm quitting the company." Justin said sternly. "And I am going to raise my child; I don't need your kind of help. I may have to work my ass off, but I know that there is money to be used for my housing expenses. It may not be much but..."

"You can live in your parent's house in Jersey. We had been renting it out to help pay for your schooling and your lessons, but, this is more important."

Justin eyed the woman carefully. “Are you serious?"

"I talked to Daniel and he came up with the perfect plan to help you." Justin wasn't sure if he liked the idea but he kept his mouth closed and listened.

"Do you really want to quit the ABC?" Mrs. Montgomery asked, thinking she knew Justin’s answer.

Justin shook his head. “That’s not the point. It doesn’t even matter what I want from the ABC, because once they hear about this, they'll kick me out. Not to mention, I am going to have to raise a baby on my own. I won't have time for it."

"Well, Dan and I already thought of that," Mrs. Montgomery said. "We thought we could tell the ABC that you have come down with mono. And you need to take some time off until you are well enough to return. They don't need to know about the baby."

“Then what happens after I have the baby?” Justin asked. “You think I will give it up for adoption or something? Cause I’m not!”

“No, Justin,” Mrs. Montgomery said. “I thought that Dan and I could help you out. You could live off campus in the guesthouse and we could hire a nanny.”

Justin sighed. What Mrs. Montgomery was offering was definitely better than doing it all on his own. “They’ll want a doctor’s excuse or something,” Justin said.

Mrs. Montgomery smiled. “Dan has a friend who could help out. We talked to him and he already agreed to write a note excusing you until you are better. He is an OBGYN, but the ABC does not need to know that.”

“No, I guess not,” Justin said softly. He did not like lying about being pregnant, and he knew he would also have to lie about having a child once he was back at the ABC. However, he also knew that the only way he was going to be able to provide for his baby the way he wanted was to take the Montgomery’s help. At least, for now.

If he did not like the way things were going he could always leave. Really, he was not sure if he would want to go back to being a dancer. However, the Montgomery’s did not have to know that.

“Ms. Gordon called me and told me you were ill. Dan and I had already discussed this and when she suggested I come and take you to the doctor, I thought that I would. I mean, well, actually, I told her I would take you and let her know how you were after the appointment.”

Justin cringed. He hated that his every move was reported back to the woman in front of him from his instructors. “Well, I don’t have an appointment,” Justin said dryly.

Mrs. Montgomery smiled and opened her purse. “Sure you did.” She took out an envelope and handed it to Justin.

He opened it cautiously. Inside was a document of diagnosis and an excuse note from a Dr. Minton, for his patient Justin Taylor. “How did you do this?

“I was pretty sure that you would accept my offer. I didn’t want you to have to give up your child, Justin,” Mrs. Montgomery said and hugged the boy.

It was awkward and Justin was not too sure he liked the woman’s gall very much. Just twenty-four hours ago, she had tried to convince him to have an abortion, but now, she seemed to have all the answers.

He warily replied, “Ok, let’s do this then.”

“In about an hour I’ll take this to Dean Ryan and have a talk with him. I am sure there will not be any problem. I will make sure that your position to advance will not be jeopardized,” Mrs. Montgomery patted Justin’s shoulder making him shiver.

Mrs. Montgomery helped Justin pack the rest of his things and then went to meet with the Dean.

Things went smoothly and much to her delight Justin still owned a spot in the ABC as soon as he was well enough to come back.

“Dean Ryan said to take all the time we need to pack, but I was thinking that the sooner we get to Jersey the better,” she told him once she got back to his dorm.

Justin sighed. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I would like to stay here tonight. I have some friends I need to say goodbye too.” Justin was of course lying. Most of the kids were jealous of him and in turn hated him for his talent.

The only friend he had, Daphne Chanders, left the company last year to pursue college. Something he was now considering doing after the baby was born.

Tonight though, what Justin really wanted was one last night dancing in the moonlight with his child. He decided while Mrs. Montgomery met with the Dean, that he would not be coming back. His child would just be the beginning of all the dreams that he would make come true.
 

***
 

Justin silently wept the entire walk home from his last dance session. He knew that he would always dance. Whether it was with the ABC or on a street corner, Justin really did not care. He really had no sentiments regarding the halls of the ABC, or anyone in the company. Even if he did give his last performance to the night. None of that really mattered to Justin at all.

Except of course for that one person. Brian Kinney; Principal Danseur of The American Ballet Company, beautiful, charismatic and sexy. He was the love of Justin’s young life. He was also the reason for the tears that flowed down Justin’s cheeks as he snuggled into his bed to sleep. Brian Kinney, the father of his baby.

Justin whispered into his almost empty room, “I did love you, Brian, but you didn’t even give me a chance. And I cannot take the chance of telling you about our baby.” With those last words Justin passed out from the day’s exhaustion.
 

Chapter Seven “Limelight”

Living on a lighted stage. Approaches the unreal.
For those who think and feel. In touch with some reality.
Beyond the gilded cage.
Cast in this unlikely role, Ill-equipped to act.
With insufficient tact. One must put up barriers.
To keep oneself intact.
Living in the limelight. The universal dream.
For those who wish to seem.
Those who wish to be. Must put aside the alienation.
Get on with the fascination. The real relation.
The underlying theme.
Living in a fisheye lens. Caught in the camera eye.
I have no heart to lie.
I can’t pretend a stranger, is a long-awaited friend
All The World’s Indeed A Stage. And we are merely players.
Performers and portrayers. Each another’s audience.
Outside the gilded cage

January 3, 2001

Brian had invited Daniel over to his dorm room for a late night romantic candlelit dinner. A little over a month had passed since Brian found out he was having a baby. Brian had also turned eighteen in that time. Daniel's baby. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about the father of his child. He knew he was supposed to love the man, but ever since he awoke in the hospital he felt so distanced and extremely uncomfortable whenever they were alone. He often wondered if he wanted to raise a child with a man who often made him feel an overwhelming sense of dread.

The therapist he talked to assured Brian that it was a normal part of the anxiety disorder he’d been diagnosed with because of the mugging. Something that to him seemed as though it was a story that happened to somebody else. No matter how hard Brian tried to remember anything about it, he couldn’t remember a thing.

Daniel was kind and urged Brian to not rush it. He reasoned that it would probably be much worse if he were to remember the actual, and most likely terrifying events. Therefore, Brian agreed with his older, worldlier boyfriend, and tried his best to push any of those bad thoughts away.

Speaking of thoughts, Brian had as of late been plagued with, well, thoughts that were so good; he’d awaken from a dream, at night or day and find his pants soaked in fluid as if he were still a thirteen-year-old boy.

These thoughts started a few weeks ago. Brian imagined that they all stemmed from his very overactive imagination. He read that pregnancy would make for some wild dreams and attributed all the images of, who he was sure was the blond boy from the late night practice sessions and himself making love, to his over active hormones. Still, Brian was plagued with an odd sense of worry whenever he watched the boy dancing in the moonlight and mirrors.

He supposed that was the reason that he risked exposure in his skintight tights and tees every night. That was not the only reason though; about two weeks ago Brian realized why the boy worked out at night.

It was right after his neighbor Tommy, a younger danseur, had left his dorm as Brian was going into his own. Tommy had informed him that someone from the YABC had to turn down a position to advance to the Pro-ABC. This person had been struck with mono. “Some young blond kid, a lot of talent,” Tommy told him when Brian asked for the kid’s name. Instantly Brian thought of his blond dancer and wondered if that was why he felt worried about the boy?

December 15, 2000

Brian went to the studio, not expecting to see the blond boy. He almost went straight into the room the boy was in, but stopped when he heard faint whispers. Slowly he tiptoed up from the dressing room and to the adjoining door that led to the room full of bars and mirrors.

Tonight the young dancer was not engrossed in his routine. Instead he was standing in the center of the windows where only one solid long beam stretched between the small body and the cool glass.

Brian noticed that this time the blond was not wearing the large black sweater he had donned since winter began, he was back to the small tank Brian had first remembered seeing him in. However, this time there was a big difference in what once was the small lithe but perfectly muscled danseur.

“This is the last time you’ll dance with Daddy in this studio, baby.” The boy’s hand rubbed his swollen stomach tenderly.

Immediately Brian put his own hand to his own abdomen. He looked down at it and rubbed while he listened to the boy talk to the child within him.

“I love you very much,” a small sob escaped the dancer’s throat as he spoke. “I won't, I won't let anyone take you away from me. No matter what I have to do. We’ll run away together and maybe someday we might even see your other daddy. For now, it’s going to be just you and me.”

Brian’s heart broke at the boy’s words. He realized how lucky he was to have someone like Daniel Montgomery to turn too, even if he hadn’t told the man about his pregnancy yet. He was sure that when he had his last dance in this studio he and his child would soon be in Daniel’s loving and awaiting arms.

Brian had to stifle his own sob as he saw the boy move away from the window to the stereo player across the room.

The blond rustled around in his gym bag, pulled out a CD, and placed it in the player. After a few buttons were pressed an instrumental lullaby began to play.

In seconds the boy began to dance about the room. Brian could not tear his eyes from the emotional display the blond dancer put on. Silent tears found their way down his face as he heard the boy start to whisper along with the words, while eerily dancing them to life in the mirrored, moonlit studio before him.

“You are my Sunshine. My only Sunshine. You make me happy. When skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Oh, please don’t take my sunshine away.”
 

Chapter Eight: “Spinning in Circles”

May 26, 2001

Justin had been living with the Montgomery’s in New Jersey. It was his mother and father’s first home, one he’d never lived in so Justin didn’t feel very connected to it as he had hoped he would be.

In two days Justin would reach his due date. To say he was tired, lonely and unhappy would be an understatement. The only thing to be happy about was the big huge baby growing inside him.

At first the Montgomery’s had seemed, well, nice really. Justin cursed himself for his stupidity. He never should have trusted them. However, he couldn’t run away now. Even though he had had a surprisingly mild pregnancy so far, Justin wasn’t permitted to leave the house.

All appointments were done within his house. He was coerced into sticking to a strict exercise and eating regimen. It was easier and less stressful to agree with the doctor, Dan, and Mrs. Montgomery. The doctor also told Justin scary stories of what might happen if Justin left on his own. The boy wasn’t sure what to believe, but he knew he couldn’t risk his child’s life.

“You’re very young, Justin. Your body shouldn’t already be carrying a child at such a young age, and with your little frame it would be very dangerous for your baby if you do not listen to everything I tell you.” Dr. Minton told him this every time he visited him.

There was no satisfying Justin’s cravings for apple pie and chocolate milk. It was only the best and the basics for Justin. The doctor told him that he must eat exactly as he was told or it would possibly cause him to have a stillbirth.

After his limited calorie diet and three hours of Pilates a day for the last few months, Justin was being driven mad. Justin had made a decision. As soon as his baby was born, he was taking his Sunshine and moving back to the city; he was going to get over his fears and find Brian Kinney.

Two days to go and Justin found himself sitting in the downstairs rocking chair, singing lullabies to his huge belly. Sunny, as Justin nicknamed his baby, had been active the entire afternoon. He lifted his shirt and could see, as well as feel, an elbow moving along the inside of his womb.

At first, Justin found the sensation of another little person inside of him to be a little creepy and alienlike. However, after overcoming the initial shock of seeing limbs look like they would break through his skin at any moment, only to disappear back inside him without a trace visible to the naked eye, he began to find it mesmerizing.

He wondered what the baby’s skin would look like. He desperately wanted the child to have Brian’s looks; after all, he thought himself rather plain. However, Justin was anything but.

“You seem like you want out, Sunny,” Justin whispered. “I want you out too, so I can see you. Watch how you’ll grow into a little person. I can’t wait. I also want you to come out so we can leave this place and these terrible people. I’m even going to be brave and find your other daddy. I gave it a lot of thought, and I think no matter what he thinks or doesn’t think of me, he would want to know you. Who knows, maybe he’ll even want to keep you. Cause as much as I love you, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to give you all the things you need. I’m so young. I won’t leave you, but a man needs to know when to ask for help, and well, Daddy needs a lot of it. Even if Daddy has to be really brave.” Justin rubbed his stomach for a few more minutes and then went upstairs to retire to his bed.

Halfway up the stairs he felt a cramping that started slow and intensified into a pulsing pain. He slowly sat down on the steps and called out for help. Even if it was from Mrs. Montgomery. He promised himself that it would be for the last time.
 

***
 

Living at Debbie’s, Brian was showered with attention. Michael, Debbie and Vic spoiled him and his unborn baby. Any craving that Brian ever had was quickly satisfied with the help from one of his friends, and Brian could not have been happier or felt more loved.

Nightly he was plagued with the weirdly erotic dreams, and daily he dreamt of his child and the life he was going to make for them both.

Brian had been put on bed rest almost a month earlier; his entire pregnancy had been a painful one. The morning sickness lasted all day and he was often weak and tired. At first Brian worked at the restaurant Debbie managed, but after working a particularly busy shift waiting tables one afternoon, he went into early labor.

Brian blamed himself, of course. They gave him a shot in the emergency room to stop the labor but Brian could not forgive himself. Debbie had asked him to take it easy but he assured her that he was fine, when in truth he had felt like shit after every single shift the preceding month.

The young brunet and his child were given a second chance and he followed the doctor’s orders to the letter. This meant him staying in his small room at Debbie’s house day in and day out. For someone who was as active as Brian once was, this was extremely hard to endure. He loved to be coddled and cared for, which his family of friends did for him, but he felt like he wasn’t contributing to the household and he hated that.

He decided that today he would go downstairs and clean Debbie’s kitchen; there was no harm in that. He would only use Dawn dish soap and water.

Sitting up in the twin sized bed, which he looked ridiculous in by the way; Brian swung his long legs off to the side. Looking down, he could not see his knees over his gigantic stomach. His hips had separated easily, he had always had a nice turnout and the pregnancy had actually helped that as they spread to accommodate his child’s growth. However, his lean and battered danseur’s body was not forgiving.

He got to his feet and stood in front of the full-length mirror that was attached to the back of his bedroom door. He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. The turnout wasn’t exactly a real turnout anymore.

The doctor told him his body would almost go back to normal but he couldn’t imagine it, given the way he looked now. He raised his t-shirt and traced the barely visible stretch marks on his sides. He pressed lightly and could feel the bulky baby inside.

He definitely didn’t look like himself. After he was given some pills to keep the food down, Brian had gained 30 pounds in four months. It was all in his belly and his ass. He turned and looked at his rump. It had once been somewhat flat but now it was what Vic and Debbie called a “bubble butt”. He didn’t mind if that didn’t go away, but the belly definitely had to go. The boxer shorts he wore hung low, beneath the belly. They were the only thing he felt comfortable in lately.

He wondered how long it had been since he’d worn his tights but quickly banished those thoughts. Ballet had once been such a huge part of his life, the only part he really loved besides his friends that he rarely saw because of it.

It had been in him; he ate, slept and breathed it. Life equaled ballet. It had once been his future, his only future. He would never see ballet in his life again; that was not his future.

Because now he was eating, sleeping and breathing for something else that was inside him. Someone else was now a real part of him. He loved this life. Life now equaled his baby. He was staring right at his future. He was going to give life to his future.

Brian ran his hands all over his belly, all the while staring through sudden tears at the mass of flesh that encased his growing child, whom he suspected was sleeping.

He hadn’t felt her move all day. He did not want to know the baby’s sex but he had inklings that it was a girl. He had already picked out a few names for either sex, but he was leaning toward the girl side.

“Are you tired today, my little love?” he asked the baby, giving it his nickname for it. He glanced back in the mirror and saw the huge grin he had every time he thought about his baby. He couldn’t wait to be a daddy.

It had taken a long while for Brian to get over Daniel. Debbie and Vic acted as his parents and Michael was acting, as if he was the second Daddy. It was wonderful knowing that no matter what, he and the baby would have a family.

Vic was even going to hire Brian to manage an apartment complex he owned, once the baby was born. It wasn’t exactly the future Brian had once dreamed of, but without Deb, Vic and Michael's support, he didn’t want to think about where he would be.

Everything was going to be different.

Brian made his way out of his bedroom and to the stairs. His back started to ache so he rubbed his lower back area and reached for the railing with his other hand. He heard the front door open and turned to go back to bed, not wanting to be caught sneaking out. At the top of the landing, one foot on the wooden stairs and one on the hall carpet, a tidal wave erupted from within his body and all he could feel was an intense painful pressure in his bottom.

“Brian, what are you doing out of bed?”

Brian turned, feeling a wetness glide down his legs. He saw Vic standing at the bottom of the stairs with his hands on his hips. He saw the man's face go from scolding to horrified.

Brian looked down. He could see that blood was running out between his ankles and feet. His insides suddenly felt like they were on fire. He tried to turn and go up the step but his bare foot slipped on the liquid that now coated the stairs and he felt himself fall back.

“Brian!” he heard Vic scream.

Moments ago, everything had seemed so clear. Now the world spun around Brian and all was soon black.
 

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