Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 8

 Tell me and I'll forget. Show me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll understand. - Confucius

 

*****

Brian idly ran his fingers through the soft blond locks lying on his lap. He felt exposed, and yet there was a deep sense of relief flooding through him, as if a valve inside had been turned on and some pressure was released.

He looked down at the head resting in his lap. Justin’s cheek was warm against his thigh, his breathing soft as if he were asleep. But Brian knew better. Justin was waiting for his reaction. Probably gearing himself up for a fight, or rejection.

He had fought Justin from day one. He was always pushing him away, always making him work so fucking hard for something Brian believed he would never give him.

Yet being the selfish prick that he was, he pushed with one hand and pulled with the other. God, what had he done to him? Justin… who had only wanted to love him, and on Brian’s terms if that was what it took to be with him. Justin loved completely, unselfishly and fiercely.

But no, Brian fucking Kinney wouldn’t let him. Truth was, he didn’t trust love. Just about everyone he knew yearned for love, as if it were the only thing worth living for. But Brian knew better. Love was cruel and spiteful. Love fucked you with illusions of happiness and ever after when in reality it only led you on a path of pain and destruction.

But then there was Justin, who challenged every thought and belief he had on the subject.

Looking down on the beautiful boy who had just given him a precious gift, Brian knew he would gladly endure a lifetime of pain and misery just for the promise of five minutes in Justin’s arms.

“Hey,” Brian said softly.

Justin turned his head and smiled up at him. Brian saw the apprehension in his eyes.

“You know I want to fuck you into the mattress right now, don’t you,” Brian asked, giving Justin his famous sexy smirk.

Justin laughed and lifted himself up and gave Brian a kiss, hugging him fiercely.

Brian stood up, taking Justin with him. Between tripping over half-discarded clothes and groping and kissing each other, they somehow made it to the bedroom. By the time they reached the bed they were both naked.

Brian laid Justin down on top the cool dark colored duvet, the blue light illuminating their bodies. He loomed over him and starting kissing him all over, beginning with his eyes, then his cheeks, the corner of his mouth, down to his neck, and further.

Brian took his time in lavishing all of his care and attention on Justin’s body, taking care to linger at all the sensitive spots that he knew so well. He knew every nerve, every curve and line of his body and how to excite and elicit those sweet moans he loved to hear come from Justin’s mouth.

Justin withered beneath him, his body seeking more, and Brian gave more. He turned Justin over and starting kissing down his back, before running his tongue between his shoulder blades, as he ran his hands up and down his sides. He dipped his head lower to the small of his back where he traced little circles with his tongue. Justin moaned deeply and pushed his hips up to meet Brian.

Brian dipped lower, his tongue trailing hot saliva down to the cleft that led to his entrance. Justin grabbed the sheets tightly in his fists and hissed loudly.

Brian smiled to himself and continued his torturous onslaught on Justin’s tight opening. Brian took his time readying Justin. Justin’s body tensed and Brian could feel his orgasm creeping up on him.

“Shhh …” he whispered into Justin’s ear. “Not yet …”

Justin cried out in frustration. Brian laughed softly. “Such an eager boy, aren’t you,” he teased.

He reached over and grabbed a condom from the nightstand. He held the foil up to Justin’s mouth.

“Open,” he commanded. Justin opened his mouth and Brian placed the foil between his teeth. Justin bit down and tore the package open.

“Good boy,” Brian praised and kissed him behind his ear. Justin moaned.

“Now put it on me,” he said.

Justin turned over and rolled the condom onto Brian’s strained cock, kissing and licking as he did so.

“Roll over.” Brian instructed once the condom was on. Justin rolled back over and Brian grabbed him by the hips and pulled him up toward his throbbing cock.

Brian pressed himself against Justin and slowly entered him, reveling in the hot tightness of him. Justin was too eager though and pushed himself back hard against Brian, taking all of Brian in with one swift movement. He gasped loudly at the sudden intrusion.

“Easy,” Brian cautioned. “I’ll take you there. Trust me.”

Justin relaxed and let Brian control him. Brian remained embedded in him for a few seconds so that Justin could adjust to the fullness of him before he started the age-old rhythm of their union. He kept his strokes slow and steady, all the while kissing the back of Justin’s neck, whispering words of passion in his ear.

Justin rocked back against him, savoring each stroke, each kiss, each word. Brian was taking him to that place that only he could take him.

Brian reached beneath Justin, took hold of his cock and started stroking him.

Justin turned his head to kiss Brian. Brian met his mouth eagerly and ravished it. His strokes intensified. He started fucking him harder and faster, while Justin urged him on.

Their passion was at fever pitch; pure, animalistic instinct seized them as they became one. Each fed off the other, giving and taking.

Where one ended and the other began was no longer discernable.

And then it hit them, like hot waves of molten gold running through their veins; their orgasms rippled through them. Brian bit down on Justin’s shoulder, marking him. Justin cried out his release. Their bodies locked together, their release washed over them until they were reduced to listless masses of flesh, quivering and sweating.

Brian collapsed on top of Justin, spent, sated. Justin melded into him.

After a few minutes Brian rolled to his side and took Justin with him. They lay like that, Brian’s arm draped over him, pulling him tight against him.

Yes, Brian thought, this was worth any hell that might come his way.

 

*****
 

Justin stretched and looked over at the clock on the nightstand— six p.m. Shit! He needed to call Ethan. That should be an interesting conversation.

He felt Brian shift next to him. Memories of their passion flooded him. Never had sex been so intense, so … if he dared think the word, emotional. Brian would surely cringe at that lesbianic thought.

He turned over to look at Brian. He looked to be at peace, sleeping soundly. Brian hardly ever slept soundly. Justin knew that those few words he spoke about his pain were in some way liberating to Brian. He felt it in his touch, in his kiss, in their lovemaking.

Justin had so many questions for Brian. ‘He died,’ Brian said. Who? It was obvious from the pain in his voice that Brian had strong feelings for whoever he was. Was he the one who turned Brian against love? And who was “she” that was coming home? Justin’s head was spinning. He would have to be patient. He had to let Brian tell him in his own time. Justin had to be careful not to push too hard. Brian had already given so much.

Justin quietly slipped out of bed and waded to the living room to find his pants. He pulled them on, and then went to the kitchen, careful not to step on the broken glass from Brian and his earlier encounter.

Justin smiled to himself. They were nothing if not volatile. He grabbed the phone off the counter and dialed. It barely rang on the other end before Ethan answered it.

“Justin?” Ethan breathed into the phone.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Justin didn’t know what the fuck to say to Ethan.

He was such a fuck up. First he cheated on Brian and left him for Ethan, now he had cheated on Ethan and would most likely leave him for Brian. And they say Brian’s the asshole? Wait. He said that. He was a cheat and a liar. Well, he couldn’t fix the cheating part, but he wasn’t going to lie anymore.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Ethan screeched into the phone.

“I’m with Brian.” Justin said emotionlessly.

Pause.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Okay, Ethan was freaked. Did he expect less?

“Ethan, calm down,” Justin tried to reason. Yeah, you’re going to reason your way out of this one, Taylor. Nice try. There was no way around this. He was going to hurt Ethan, probably as bad as Brian had hurt him though he doubted it. He doubted very much that Ethan had ever loved him as much as Justin loved Brian.

“Calm down. You stood me up at the park. I called all over looking for you. And several hours later you call me to tell me you’re with your ex? Next thing you’ll be telling me is that you spent the day fucking him as well!” Ethan accused.

Justin physically cringed. Ouch! Put like that it did sound bad, Justin thought. He went silent.

Ethan heard that silence loud and clear.

“Motherfucker! How the fuck could you do this to me!” Justin could hear the tears in his voice.

“Ethan … I’m so sorry. Please…Please what? Please forgive him? He didn’t deserve Ethan's forgiveness. Justin felt like shit.

“Sorry? SORRY? Justin, what the fuck is wrong with you? Is the sex that fucking good that you’re willing to throw away all self respect on that whore,” Ethan screeched.

Okay, that pissed Justin off. “Ethan, first of all, I ‘am’ sorry. You deserve better than this. I cheated on you, just like I cheated on Brian. And you have every right to be angry." He paused. “But don’t you EVER refer to Brian as a whore to me again. EVER!”

Fuck it. What was done was done. Justin had made his bed two years ago with Brian. In or out of their non-relationship, Justin would always be loyal to Brian. If Ethan didn’t understand that before, he surely would now.

Justin looked up and saw Brian watching him from the bedroom door. He probably woke Brian with his yelling. He shrugged his shoulders at Brian and gave him a sad smile.

Brian walked into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of guava juice. He held it up to Justin, silently offering him some of the juice. Justin shook his head no.

“I can’t fucking believe I’m hearing this! Don’t I mean anything to you? We love each other, Justin. You said you loved me!” Ethan sounded desperate.

Justin rubbed his temple. Brian took a swig of the juice and set the bottle on the counter. He came around and placed his hands on Justin’s shoulders and gently massaged them. He knew this was difficult for Justin.

Justin sighed heavily into the phone. “I never said I loved you, Ethan.”

Justin could feel Brian stiffen behind him, but he didn’t stop massaging his shoulders.

“You didn’t have to. I felt it.” Ethan said.

“Did you,” Justin asked honestly.

“Let's be clear, Ethan. You never even asked me if I loved you. Were you that sure of me, or yourself? Truth is, you didn’t want to know. The only thing you truly love is your music. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. You were there for me at a time when I needed someone to pay attention to me. You gave me that attention. I'll always be grateful to you for that.”

Justin paused, acutely aware that Brian was listening to this whole conversation, but these things had to be said, and both Brian and Ethan needed to hear them.

“Our relationship taught me a lot, Ethan. Things were always very good with you. Being with you was easy, and you were very loving and attentive. I was truly content. Unfortunately, I realized that I don’t do contentment. I do intense. I like being intense about my art, my school, my family, my friends and, yes, Brian.”

Justin raised his free hand and laid it on top of Brian’s hand that was still rubbing his shoulders.

“I'd burnt out, Ethan, and I was looking for a place to rest my mind for a while. I’m sorry, but you were that place. Now it’s time for me to go home.”

Justin hated doing this to Ethan, especially over the phone. But there was no going back. He hadn't planned this.

Brian reached down and kissed his neck.

“Just like that? You’re going back to Brian?” Ethan asked dejectedly.

“Yeah, just like that. That’s how it’s always been with us, together, not together. Just like that. I’m sorry.” There was nothing more to say.

“I want you out of here tonight. You’ll find your things out on the street. Put the key in my mailbox. Oh, and Justin, I hope you get all you deserve!” Ethan spat out sarcastically, and then slammed the phone down.

Justin winced away from the phone as it slammed in his ear.

He placed the phone back on the counter and raised his other hand to hold Brian’s.

“You okay?” Brian asked, rubbing his nose in Justin’s hair, his hands clutching his shoulders.

“Other than being kicked out again and having my things thrown in the streets, I’d say yeah, I’m pretty good.” Justin turned around to face Brian.

Brian laughed. “And they call me the heartbreaker!”

Justin playfully smacked his arm. “Not funny, Brian. I hurt Ethan.”

“He’ll live. That’s love for you, Sunshine. I’d rather have a swift kick to the balls,” Brian said with a smirk.

“That can be arranged if you don’t shut up,” Justin retorted.

“I can think of better things you can do with my balls,” Brian replied suggestively.

“Hmm … me too. But right now I have to figure out what I’m going to do.” Justin wasn't happy about this latest development. Now he had to find another place to live. He hated having to knock on Debbie’s door again.

“Well, if you weren’t so reckless, you wouldn’t get yourself in these predicaments,” Brian said.

Justin glared at him. “If I weren’t so reckless you wouldn’t have met me two years ago,” he said.

“And that would have been bad how?” Brian teased. He was having such a good time bantering with Justin again. He'd missed that.

“Well first of all, without me, who would point out how truly pathetic you are?” Justin smiled at him, and then went behind the counter.

“Thank God I have you then!” Brian laughed and went behind the counter to grab Justin.

“Bri …” Justin laughed, “I need to clean up that mess." He was referring to the shattered glass and liquor on the floor.

“Fuck!” Brian noticed the mess for the first time. “That better not stain the woodwork!”

Justin sighed. “Don’t worry, your precious floors will survive.”

“Just like Ethan,” Brian quipped.

“You really are an asshole, Brian,” Justin said while shaking his head.

“Yeah, so I’ve been told.” Brian couldn’t help but smile.

Brian helped Justin pick up the shards of glass from the floor. They worked silently together until they were satisfied they got everything. When they were done they walked back to the kitchen.

Brian went to the counter and picked up the phone. He turned to look at Justin.

Justin was washing his hands at the sink. He turned off the water and picked up a towel to dry them. He turned back towards the counter and saw Brian looking at him intently.

“What?” he asked.

“Do you trust me?” Brian asked, suddenly very serious. Justin saw the phone in his hands.

“You know I do,” Justin replied truthfully.

“The she who is coming home, her name is Rena. She's my sister,” Brian said without preamble.

Justin looked confused. “Jack had another child?”

“Good God no!” Brian made a face like he had just tasted something bitter.

Justin waited patiently.

“Before I moved to the Pitts, I lived in New York.”

“I know,” Justin affirmed.

“What you don’t know is that I grew up with a family who lived next door. Joanie and Jack only acknowledged me as their son when it suited them. For the most part I lived with Cardie’s, our neighbors. I grew up with Rena Cardie, who’s a year younger than me, and her…our older brother…Andy. Andy died when he was 16.” Brian paused to see how Justin was taking in this information so far.

“Okay. This is interesting. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Justin asked, and then amended. “Never mind, stupid question. Let's start with this: where has she been all this time?”

Brian smiled awkwardly. He still had the phone in his hand.

“That…is a very long story, one I’ll tell you on the way to New York.”

“I’m going to New York?” Justin asked, surprised.

“Why, you got some place better to go?” Brian asked, holding his breath.

Justin tilted his head and looked at Brian. Brian could see the wheels turning as he looked into his eyes.

“What’s in New York?” he finally asked.

“Rena.”

“Can we at least pick up my things from Ethan’s place? I hate having my stuff lying out in the streets. It's so undignified,” Justin complained, a sly smile playing across his lips.

Brian reached over the counter and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Sure, Sunshine. We wouldn’t want that WASP upbringing of yours to be compromised, would we?” He teased.

Justin gave Brian his best haughty look. “I should hope not!” he huffed.

Brian dialed the phone.

“Cynthia, I need you to change my flight reservations to a later time, and make it for two.”

“Jesus, Cynthia, alright already! You can have the bigger office at the end of the hall!” Brian gave Justin an exasperated look.

“Great, I’ll see you next week.” He hung up the phone.

“Is this going to be a problem with school?” Brian asked as an afterthought.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll talk to the professors in the morning and get my assignments for the next few days. We're coming back next week, right?” Justin asked.

“That’s the plan.”

“Then it’s not a problem. The only problem I have is getting my things off the street.” Justin sighed.

“Well then, we better get going,” Brian said.

They both got dressed.

Brian grabbed the keys to the corvette off the kitchen counter and opened the door to the loft for Justin.

When they got in the elevator Brian turned to Justin.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Justin understood what he was thanking him for.

“You don’t have to thank me, Brian. You should know by now that where you go, I’ll follow.”
 

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