Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 75

Of all the people there could be, you had to tell your lies to me
Of all the people there could be, it had to be you.

You don't feel the hurt like I do
You don't feel betrayed the way I do
You don't feel the hurt like I do
So don't say to me you've been there too.

Don't talk to me about living a lie
Because misery is more than just a tear in the eye

~ “Hurt” by Mesh

 

***
 

Justin took his jacket off and laid it on the vacant stool next to him. The diner was unusually quiet for this early hour. He smiled when he saw Deb approach him. She always took the early shifts. God he hated those shifts, the tips were lousy, and the customers grumpy.

“Hey, Sunshine! What are you doing up so early? I heard that shindig you guys threw last night was a doozy,” Deb said from behind the counter.

She grabbed the steaming glass coffeepot and poured Justin a cup of the dark brew.

“Thanks, Deb, the party was great. We missed you and Vic. How is he?” Justin asked taking a sip of the hot strong liquid. He made a face and added several more spoons of sugar. Jesus, the coffee here was always strong and bitter. No wonder Brian got into the habit of using so much sugar. You needed it just to choke this stuff down.

Deb snorted indignantly. “Better now, no thanks to those assholes down at the pharmacy. I can’t believe they gave him the wrong medication! He could have died, you know. Adam said he was looking into what happened. He thinks we may have a lawsuit.”

Vic had gotten sick yesterday morning unexpectedly. Deb had to rush him to the hospital. Apparently, the pharmacist had mixed up his meds with someone else’s. They had to pump Vic’s stomach. The doctors said he’d be fine, but it really shook up Deb and she opted to stay home with him last night. Vic was still too weak from having his stomach pumped to go to their grand opening.

“Well, thank God he’s alright. We were all worried.”

Deb smacked her gum and poured herself a cup of coffee. “Yeah. He’s a tough old geezer. Runs in the family. So, what brings you here this early? And alone?” Deb asked with an intuition only a mother could have.

“I couldn’t sleep, so I took a walk.”

Deb eyed him suspiciously. “Long walk, isn’t it? Where’s Brian?”

“He’s sleeping,” Justin answered shrugging his shoulders.

Deb put the pot of coffee down and leaned her elbows on the counter, bringing her face close to Justin’s. “Come on, spill. What’s wrong?”

Justin smiled weakly. “That obvious, huh?”

“Sweetie, I’ve known you long enough to know when something’s bothering you. Usually I could sum it up in one word. Kinney. But the past few months you two really got your shit together, so now I’m at a loss. Has something changed? Are the kids putting too much pressure on your relationship? You know that can happen; it’s normal. You just got to work it through.”

Justin laughed. Here Deb was already giving advice not even knowing what the problem was. You had to love her, she was always so eager to help those she regarded as her family. And Justin considered himself very lucky to be amongst that elite few.

It was why his feet found their way here to the diner when he went out for a walk earlier. He didn’t know where he was going, he just needed to think so he slipped out of bed when Brian was sleeping and ended up here, an hour later.

“Kids are great, Deb. It’s not that.”

Deb smacked her gum again. “Ok, so what is it?”

Justin sighed. “You know, Deb, I think you know Brian better than anyone. Including me and Rena.”

“I don’t know about that. I think we all know him well enough, in our own ways. I know the boy. You know the man. Big difference.”

“Is there? I mean, Brian still carries the young boy inside of him. He always will,” Justin mused.

“True, but the boy is only a small part of the man he’s become. And, Sunshine, no one knows that man better than you. It’s downright scary at times, the connection you two have.”

Justin frowned.

“Sweetie, what’s on your mind?” she asked, getting more concerned by the moment.

“Can I ask you a question, Deb?”

“Of course. You know I’ll answer honestly.”

“Knowing Brian as you do and seeing first hand all the pain he went through, if you could, would you betray his trust in order to avoid causing him more pain?”

Deb whistled low, shocked at the question. “Wow. What the fuck is going on?”

“Please, Deb, I can’t say, I just need your honest opinion on this. You and Mikey saw how he was when he came back from New York. I can’t ask Mikey, you know he’ll go right to Brian. I trust you to keep this conversation confidential. I just need to know what you would do,” Justin asked in a barely controlled voice.

This whole situation with Rena was taking its toll on him. He was in an impossible situation and needed some validation that he was making the right decision.

Deb squished her face up in concentration. The kid had a big problem on his hands and though she didn’t know the details, she knew what Justin was asking. Should he lie to Brian in order to protect him from getting hurt?

“Well honey, as a mother, I would do anything to protect Mikey and Brian.”

He suspected she’d say as much but Justin didn’t feel the relief he thought he would at her response.

“But…” she said leaning forward looking from side to side to make sure no one was within hearing distance. “Brian is not your son. He’s your lover, your partner. Honey, life is painful at times. Brian knows that. He’s been through so much. Losing Andy, then Rena, living on the streets, you getting bashed, him getting shot, but you know what? He survived, and he’s stronger because of it and because of you. The day you walked into his life, Sunshine, I saw a new man emerge. You give him hope. He trusts you.” Deb put her hand over Justin’s on the counter. “Life can be a bitch at times, Brian knows that and accepts its. He’s pretty much learned how to survive most any shit life throws at him. But if he should ever feel you abused his trust? Well, that I’m not so sure he’ll survive,” she said in what Justin could only describe as sage motherly advice.

She was right. He had to tell Brian. He could not live the rest of his life feeling like he betrayed Brian’s trust by holding something this personal and tragic from him.

Deb had a way of clearing away all the bullshit to get to the heart of the matter. He did know Brian, the man, and the man would not forgive him if didn’t tell him about Rena’s rape. As it was, he was going to receive hell for holding it back this long, but Justin hoped Brian would understand why he did. He still believed it was Rena’s place to tell him.

“Fuck,” Justin said knowing what he had to do, but not liking it.

“Oh come on, Sunshine, nothing is as bad as it seems.”

“This one’s pretty bad, Deb,” he said then stood up and leaned over the counter. He planted a big kiss on her cheek. “Thanks,” he said then grabbed his coat.

“For what?”

“For always knowing exactly the right thing to say,” Justin said giving her one of his million watt smiles.

Deb laughed. “Yeah, well sometimes my big mouth gets me into trouble. You really don’t need me or anyone else to tell you how to handle that man of yours. Trust your instincts. They’ve always worked for you before.”

“I will.” He was going to do just that.

“You going to be ok?” Deb asked as Justin stood to leave.

“Eventually,” He said then left the diner.

The sun shone brightly high in the sky. Justin lifted his face to embrace the warmth it offered and took a deep breath.

His chest felt both light and heavy at the same time. Light for he had made a decision he could live with. Heavy because it would be a long time before any of them would heal from this.

His pocket vibrated pulling him from his thoughts as his cell went off. He took it out and flipped it open.

“Hey, where are you?” Brian asked.

“I took a walk and ended up at the diner.”

“Long walk. Are you ready to tell me what’s wrong yet?”

Justin didn’t even bother to deny it. Brian had known something was wrong all night. He kept asking Justin, but Justin kept pushing him off. He didn’t want to ruin the night. “Yeah,” Justin said, his voice sounding utterly dejected.

“You’re scaring the shit out of me. I’m coming to get you.”

“No, don’t. Let me walk home. We’ll talk when I get there. I’m fine, we’re fine, and the kids are fine, every one is fine. Just give me this time, ok?”

Brian paused on the other end. Something was bothering his boy, and it was breaking his heart not being able to help him. It wasn’t like Justin to shut him out when he had a problem. But there was nothing he could do until Justin was ready to talk to him. He’d just have to wait.

“Ok. Justin…”

“Yeah?”

There was a long pause…

“I love you.”

Justin choked back a sob. “I love you too.”

Justin put his cell back in his pocket then turned toward home. His mind and heart were consumed with despair. He was about to do the one thing he never thought he’d do in a million fucking years. Knowingly hurt the love of his life…

 

***
 

Brian hung up the phone and headed downstairs.

It was Saturday morning and all the kids were home. He could hear the TV blaring as he descended.

“I knew it was a mistake to get surround sound,” he grumbled as he reached the bottom step. He then turned and headed towards the kitchen.

“Brian, what are you doing up this early?” Lizzy asked as she approached him from behind the kitchen island.

Brian opened his arms to hug her. “I thought I smelled pancakes.”

Lizzy hugged him back then shot him a doubtful look. “From the loft? I don’t think so.”

Brian laughed. She was right. The loft, though connected to the rest of the house, and accessible by inside stairs, was an entity unto itself. There was a buzzer, and intercom system connecting them to the two bottom floors so they were always available to the children. But Brian had Justin keep the separate entrance to the elevator that gave them private access in and out of the building without having to go through the rest of the house.

They intended to keep the loft their private sanctuary, so that they could maintain their sanity. Having five kids in the house, and one on the way, could be a little daunting at times; it was nice to have a place they could escape to.

“So no pancakes?” Brian teased. He knew Lizzy loved to cook pancakes on the weekends.

“Don’t be silly. Of course there are pancakes,” she said and went off to get him a cup of coffee.

“I don’t fucking care what you say. I’m not watching that shit.” Brian heard Jaggers unmistakable voice.

“Well I’m not watching your shit either. So deal,” came Peter’s reply.

Brian walked into the living room to find the boys playing tug of war with the TV remote.

“Fuck TV. Go read a book,” Brian said grabbing the remote from them.

Each boy made a face at him.

“I read one of those once. Highly overrated in my opinion,” was Jagger’s sarcastic reply.

Peter laughed.

“Where’s Johnny?” Brian asked looking around the room.

“He’s in the library. He’s got a report or some shit due Monday and tomorrow he has a game, so today is the only day he has to work on it,” Peter said.

“You two misfits should take a cue from him.” Brian threw the remote onto the coffee table after turning the TV off. He then turned to walk back into the kitchen. The boys followed.

Lizzy handed him his coffee. He thanked her and carried it over to the dining room table.

“So how was the party?” Jagger asked pulling a chair out to join him. Peter did the same on the other side of the table.

“It was great. Your “Aunty Em,” danced until he dropped. James had to literally carry him out of there.”

The boys laughed.

“Where’s Justin?” Peter asked.

“He went out for a walk. He’ll be home soon.”

Lizzy brought a plate of pancakes over to Brian and placed them in front of him.

“Hmmm.. These smell great, Liz. Blueberry?” he asked picking up his fork.

“Yep. Your favorite,” she said smiling.

“She’s kissing up, Cuz. You guys left last night without giving her an answer. The pancakes are a bribe,” Jagger said with a candor that was pure Brian.

“Shut up, Jag! I’d think you’d have enough to worry about without sticking your nose in my business!” A disapproving look fell over her face.

Brian’s eyebrow rose. “Something I should know about, Jag?”

“No!” Jagger replied hastily.

“Hey, dude, might as well spill. You know he’s going to find out soon enough anyway.”

Brian put his fork down on the table. “Jagger, what have you done?”

Jagger was doing very well these days. Brian was surprised he would risk fucking up at this point. He and Justin bought him a guitar as kind of a reward for his one-month sobriety anniversary. Lizzy had told them that their mother owned a guitar, the only thing she never hocked to get drugs, and that Jagger often played it.

As it turned out, Jagger was a very talented musician. He found a band that needed a guitar player and he auditioned. They loved him and wanted him to join the group. The problem was, they were much older, eighteen to twenty-one and played weekends in nightclubs. Brian and Justin consented to let Jagger join the band provided he stayed in school and kept his grades up. They talked to each band member; and found them to be stand up guys. They promised to keep an eye on Jagger.

The situation was working for Jagger. He loved performing, and he was staying clean. Brian couldn’t fathom what the boy did to jeopardize their agreement.

“Fuck you, Peter!”

Peter laughed. “Actually I wasn’t the one fucking.”

“When the fuck did cursing become acceptable in this house?” Brian demanded in an angry tone.

All three kids looked at him stunned and then broke out laughing.

Brian had the good grace to blush at his own faux pas.

“Ok, point taken. Jagger, just tell me what happened.”

“I got caught fuc… having sex with a senior in the coach’s office.”

Brian nearly choked. Jagger was in tenth grade, having skipped two grades. He was tall for his age and most kids thought he was sixteen or seventeen, not many suspected he was only thirteen, well fourteen in a month. And even though Jagger had tricked for a while after his mother died, he really had very little experience with sex, other than giving the occasional blowjob to score money or drugs.

“First, how the fuck did you get into the coach’s office, and second, did you use a condom?”

Lizzy made an exasperated sound. “See, Justin needs to be here. That’s not what you should be telling him, Brian! You should be telling him he should NOT be having sex at his age, AND in school!”

Brian snapped his eyes to her. “A little late to be giving that speech now, isn’t it?”

Lizzy folded her arms and glared at him. Brian had to hold his laugh in. She looked so much like Justin right then.

“What I want to know is was it a girl or a boy? You never said.”

“Don’t worry, Pete, you’re not the only straight kid in this house. God has a wonderful sense of humor. He blessed Justin and I with all straight children.”

Jagger laughed. “Ah, don’t despair, cuz. You still got a shot with Gus. And the new baby.”

“We can only hope.”

“So am I going to get a phone call from the principal?”

“Um, not exactly. You see it was the coach who caught us, and he’s the girl’s dad.”

“Fuck.”

Of course the coach wasn’t going to tell the school that his “senior” daughter was having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy. They would most likely expel her. Still, the father had to be angry.

“He called several times last night while you were out, Uncle Brian. I told him that you would call him today,” Peter offered.

“Great. How old is the girl, Jagger?”

“Eighteen.”

“Eighteen! Fuck, that makes her an adult, legally. She could be charged with statutory rape. The father is probably worried I’m going to press charges!”

Jagger made a snorting noise. “Please, as if I’d cop to it. No fucking way. She’s a sweet girl, and didn’t know how old I was. It’s my fault.”

“You bet your ass it’s your fault! And you didn’t answer me, did you use a condom?”

“Of course I did! Jesus, I wish I had a dime for every time you and Justin had that talk with me!”

“Me, too.” Lizzy added.

“Don’t let me get started on you, young lady. Is Devil going with you and your friends to New York?” Brian asked, turning the subject to her request to go to the concert in New York.

“His name is Devin!” Lizzy snapped.

“Whatever. And no, it’s only us girls. And we’ll be staying with Melissa’s aunt.”

“Well, as soon as I talk to Melissa’s aunt, I’ll let you know if you can go. And I’ll talk to her after I call this poor girl’s father. You got his number Pete?”

“Yeah, I’ll get it. His name is Frank,” Peter said getting up from the table to retrieve the phone number.

Brian picked his fork up again and took a bite of his pancakes while he waited for Peter to return.

Lizzy brought him over the portable phone and placed a piece of paper with Melissa’s aunt’s number on it. “There. Call her.”

Brian chewed and swallowed his food. “Can I get a fucking break here?” he said taking a sip of his coffee.

Jagger laughed.

Brian glared at him. “This is NOT a funny situation, Jagger. You were not honest with that girl. She must feel horrid.”

“Um, I don’t think so. Actually, she felt pretty good about it,” Jagger said tongue in cheek.

Brian glared at him.

“Bri, come on man, you can’t blame me. You have to see her, she’s fucking hot.”

“Dude, you’re wasting your time. He thinks Justin is hot,” Peter ribbed his uncle as he returned to the table with the phone number.

Peter had come a long way in healing from his own wounds. He was very much at home and comfortable with Brian and Justin’s relationship, and with his place in their little makeshift family. Justin had done wonders with him, and with all the kids. He was an amazing parent, unlike Brian, who was barely winging it. Justin was nurturing and patient with the children. Brian was grateful one of them had a handle on this parenting thing. He noticed that when Justin was away, they all took to ‘parenting’ him. He had to smile at that. Justin had them well trained.

“Justin IS hot,” Brian said smiling at his own wayward thoughts.

“Hey, I’d do him. If he wasn’t my cuz,” Jagger teased.

Brian glared at him. “You need to stop ‘doing’ anyone!”

“Ok, let him eat his pancakes. Then he’ll make the phone calls,” Lizzy ordered.

She always had a way of taking control of the family when they got out of hand. A skill Brian wished he could acquire.

Brian finished his pancakes then made the calls. He confirmed the arrangements with Melissa’s aunt and gave his consent to Lizzy to go to the concert then he called Frank, the father.

That conversation went better then he thought. They pretty much both agreed their kid’s behavior was irresponsible at best. Brian assured the man he wasn’t going to press charges and that he would keep Jagger away from his daughter.

That seemed to pacify him. When he hung up the phone he noticed an hour had gone by since his phone call with Justin. He should be home any minute.

“Ring, Ring…”

The phone rang, Brian ran to get it thinking it was Justin.

“Hey.”

Fuck, John silently cursed. He was hoping Justin would answer the phone. Well, it couldn’t be helped now. He needed help.

“Hey, Brian, it’s me. Listen, Robert was in a car accident,” John’s frantic voice came over the line.

“Shit! Is he ok?”

“I think so. He’s conscious, but it looks like he may have a broken leg and maybe a couple of bruised ribs. None of the paramedics can sign, and he’s too shook up to read their lips. I need to go with him to the hospital.”

“You want me to meet you there?”

“No, actually I need another favor.”

“No problem, what do you need?”

“Rena is having a small procedure done today at Mercy hospital and I was supposed to meet her there. I don’t want her going through it alone. Can you or Justin maybe be there for her?” John said, hoping Justin would go.

“What kind of procedure?” Brian asked suddenly concerned. Rena didn’t mention anything to him about having a medical procedure done.

“Fuck, Bri, she didn’t want you to know. She wanted it to be a surprise. We found this surgeon who thinks he can fix Rena’s problem so she’ll be able to have children. It’s a minor procedure. Outpatient surgery. She wanted to wait to see if it worked before telling you. Can Justin go? I really don’t want to ruin her surprise.”

Brian smiled on the other end of the phone. His heart swelled. Rena refused to talk to him about her condition, but he knew his sister well enough to know it bothered her a lot not being able to have children. He hoped this procedure worked.

“I’m sure he would, but he’s not home. Don’t worry, I’ll go. I’ll tell her what happened with Robert and that you asked me to fill in. It will be fine. I’ll tell her you told me she was having some minor cosmetic work done. She’ll buy it. Everyone knows her vanity nearly rivals my own.”

John knew he was only half joking. “No one is as vain as you, bro. But yeah, that will work. Thanks, man. I’ll keep you posted on Robert. Oh, and can you call Ted?”

Brian knew Ted would want to be at the hospital. He really had it bad for Robert, though no one would suspect. He was playing it very cool, but Brian knew him too well. The man was in love.

“Sure, no problem. Call me when you can. I’ll call you as soon as Rena’s procedure is done.”

Brian hung up the phone and grabbed his leather jacket.

“Lizzy, I have to go to out for awhile. You’re in charge,” he yelled out as he threw open the loft door.

A smile spread across his face as he came face to face with his blond who stood on the other side.

“Hey…Come on. We have to be at the hospital,” Brian said grabbing Justin’s arm and turning him back around leading him out of the building

“What’s up?” Justin asked startled at Brian’s behavior. Why did he look happy about going to the hospital?

“Rena is at Mercy hospital having some minor surgery done. John can’t be there, Robert got into a car accident, so I said I’d fill in,” Brian explained as he unlocked the ‘Vette and got inside.

Justin got into the passenger side and buckled up. “Wait, how is Robert?” Justin asked as Brian pulled out into the street.

“John said it looks like he has a broken leg, and maybe some bruised ribs. It doesn’t look too serious, but he’s pretty shook up. Fuck, call Ted and tell him.”

Justin took out his cell and dialed Ted’s number.

A few minutes later he ended the call.

“Man, Ted’s really freaked. He’s on his way to the hospital.”

“Yeah, he really likes Robert,” Brian mused, his mind was on Rena.

Justin stole a sideways glance at Brian. He was afraid to ask how much Brian knew about Rena’s procedure. Last night Rena told him she wasn’t going to tell Brian until she had the results. Well, he had decided to tell Brian the truth. He wasn’t going to start lying now.

“So John told you about the procedure Rena’s having?”

Brian’s eyes snapped to him. “You knew?”

Justin nodded. “She told me last night. She was very hopeful it would work and wanted to surprise you with the results.”

“Yeah, that’s what John said. Listen, I told John I wouldn’t ruin the surprise for her, so when we get there, I’m going to tell her that John told me she was having some minor cosmetic surgery. Hopefully the procedure worked, and then she can tell me the good news herself,” Brian said smiling over at Justin.

Justin groaned inwardly. This was NOT the time to tell him. They had to be there for Rena first, make sure everything went fine with the procedure, whatever the outcome. Once he knew she was fine, he was going to tell him, and let the chips fall where they may.

He only hoped they didn’t all fall on his head.

 

***
 

“The doctor will be out in a minute, Mr. Kinney, you can wait in here for him,” the nurse said.

They had just arrived a few moments before and were escorted to this small waiting room. Apparently, according to the liaison nurse, the surgery went fine, there were no complications and the doctor would be out shortly to talk to them. She gave no indication if the surgery was a success or not.

Brian paced the small room much like an expectant father. Justin sat on one of the small cushioned chairs with his hands in his lap, his own anxiety building, but for much different reasons.

Ten very long minutes later the doctor appeared.

Brian walked over to him extending his hand. “Hi, I’m Brian Kinney, Rena’s brother. How is my sister?” he asked shaking the doctor’s hand.

The doctor smiled sadly and shook his head. “She’s fine. All things considered, it went well. It was not easy, but I believe the procedure worked. You have to understand, Mr. Kinney, with that kind of extensive scarring, it was very difficult. I can’t give any guarantees. I haven’t seen damage like that since my days at the prison infirmary. The rapes committed there were almost as brutal.”

Justin’s heart literally stopped for a split second in his chest before it began pounding again frantically against his breastbone.

He stood up abruptly. “Thank you, doctor, can we see her now?” he tried to interject.

“Rape?” Brian’s voice came out devoid of emotion. Justin knew that voice. He grabbed Brian’s arm in a desperate attempt to get him out of there, quick.

“Come on, Bri, we need to see Rena, NOW.”

Even though Justin’s voice sounded frantic, Brian ignored him, his eyes locked on the doctor.

“I thought you knew? I’m so sorry. I was informed that her fiance knew, I just assumed…” The doctor trailed off suddenly very concerned for his own liability in revealing patient doctor confidentiality.

“Doctor, I have not seen my sister in over six years. Apparently, something happened during that time that she did not tell me. I would appreciate any information you can give me that will help her,” Brian said in his dead calm voice.

The doctor blinked a few times. “Six years? The scarring I cleaned up was at least fifteen years old, if not more. This did not happen within the last six years,” the doctor explained figuring he already gave too much information away, the man might as well know the whole of it.

Brian’s face went white as his brain calculated the time. Fifteen years or more…

Emilian…

He stumbled back into Justin.

“Brian don’t. Let’s talk to Rena. You have to keep it together, for her sake,” Justin said holding onto Brian, preventing him from falling.

Brian turned to look at Justin, his eyes were unfocused, his mind was somewhere else.

FUCK! “Brian!” Justin shook him.

“Maybe I should get him a sedative,” the doctor offered nervously.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Justin asked.

The doctor pointed to the room across the hall. Justin managed to get Brian into it. Once there, Brian reached for the toilet and threw up.

Justin wet some paper towels and wiped Brian’s forehead with them.

“Breathe, Brian, breathe… We still need to see Rena. She is fine now. Focus on NOW!”

Brian retched again. His body shook with the exertion. He sat back on his heels once he was done and wrapped his arms around his stomach as he howled out in pain.

Justin knelt down and held him tight, rocking him. His own tears spilling freely down his face.

“Shhh… it’s okay, Brian. It’s going to be ok…” he chanted over and over.

Brian held onto him as heart-wrenching sobs consumed him.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.” Brian cried over and over again.

Justin lost it. “I’m so fucking sorry, Brian. Please, don’t. Please. Rena needs you, the kids need you, I fucking need you!”

Brian heard Justin’s voice through his pain and pulled forth every ounce of strength he had to calm himself. He slowly pulled away from Justin and sat on the floor with his back against the cold tile.

Justin got up and wet some more paper towels. He handed them to Brian who took them and wiped the tears away from his face.

After a few minutes, he took a deep breath and pulled Justin down to him.

“How am I going to face her?” His voice sounded utterly broken.

“How can you not? It’s not your fault, Brian.”

Brian’s bitter laugh cut him off. “Isn’t it? How could I have not known? Why didn’t she tell me?” Brian asked the questions only Rena could answer.

“Because she didn’t want you to know. She loves you unconditionally. She would rather die than tell you something that would cause you this much pain,” Justin explained as if he knew exactly how Rena felt.

Brian’s body stiffened. “Tell me.”

Justin pulled away from him and sat on the floor facing him.

“Emilian raped her.” He said the words Brian feared hearing. The words that were only spoken in his head up till this point.

Brian’s chest tightened painfully. “When?” he asked, his mind not even registering that Justin knew.

“When your parents took you to New York. That week. You told her not to go near Emilian, but she didn’t listen. He was sleeping on the couch and she picked up his nightstick and struck him with it…”

“God, noooooo!!” Brian reached for the toilet and retched again.

Justin held onto him as he vomited, rubbing his back with small circles.

“Brian, I’m so sorry! Please, you have to…”

Brian shoved him away and stood up. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and glared at Justin.

“HOW DO YOU FUCKING KNOW!!” The accusation was clear in his tone and words.

Justin recoiled at the hurt, anger and betrayal he saw in Brian’s eyes.

“Rena told me” he choked out, his voice hoarse from his own tears.

“When?”

“In New York.”

Brian swung around to face the wall and punched it. He cried out in pain and anger.

“WHY!!!!!! WHY!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!” he demanded as he pounded on the tiled wall. Justin saw blood trickle down from his knuckles.

He reached for him, putting his hand on his shoulder. Brian violently shook it off. He swung back around to face Justin.

Justin took a step back.

“How could you?” Brian asked in a pained voice.

Justin looked into his eyes and thought he would die at what he saw in them. “Oh God no, please, anything but this.. I can endure anything except this. Please God, don’t let him hate me..” Justin earnestly prayed. But no words came out of his mouth. He was literally frozen in fear. Fear that he was going to lose Brian.

Brian pushed past him and walked out of the bathroom.

Justin followed noticing he was heading in the opposite direction of Rena’s room. He was leaving the hospital.

Justin caught up to him. “You can’t just leave!”

Brian turned on him. “Can’t I?” he said viciously.

Justin recoiled at the coldness of his words.

“No, you can’t. She needs you.” Justin held his ground.

“For what? I obviously couldn’t help her then, why the fuck would she need me now? She couldn’t even trust me to be honest with me. Nor could you for that matter,” he spat out through gritted teeth. “I can’t leave?” He made a choking noise in the back of his throat. “It’s the only thing I seem to do well,” he said then turned his back and left Justin standing in the hospital corridor.

Justin stood there crying, his body shaking with panic as he watched Brian’s retreating figure.

Rena…

He turned and headed to her room. Brian would not want him to leave Rena. He was just too upset to be thinking clearly right now, Justin told himself. His feet made their way to her room. His mind and body were acting on autopilot at this point. He couldn’t think past getting to Rena’s room.

He wiped his eyes outside her door and tried to compose himself as best as possible. He took a deep breath and opened the door to her room. She was sitting up on the side of her bed when he entered.

“Hey.”

Rena took one look at him and cried out.

“You fucking told him!” she said before collapsing back against the bed.

 

Return to Before There Was You, There Was You