Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 70

“Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting…”

~I’m not ready to make nice – Dixie Chicks

***

“We’re not staying here, Lizzy. Don’t even think about it. I don’t have time for your shit.” Jagger opened the bedroom window. The old wooden frame splintered burying a sliver under his fingernail.

He hissed in pain and sucked the blood from his finger as he threw their suitcases out onto the sidewalk.

Lizzy sighed. “Jag, where will we go?”

Though Lizzy was the older of the two, just turning sixteen, it was her thirteen-year-old brother who took up the reigns of parent when their mother died two weeks ago.

“I’ve got a friend in the East Village we can stay with for awhile. I can hustle some good money there and you can get a job,” Jag said turning to his sister.

“I can’t get a job. I don’t have working papers.”

She ignored the part about Jagger hustling. For the past year or so, Jagger pretty much brought most of the money into the house. Their mother never asked where he got it, she was just grateful for the extra cash. Food stamps and welfare only went so far and she had a habit to support.

Jag snorted in frustration. “How the fuck did you live with our mother and still remain so fucking clueless? I’ll get you a fake ID. Hell, with some makeup, you’ll pass for eighteen, maybe twenty, easy.”

Lizzy hated it when her brother mocked her. She was not stupid. They grew up with a mother who had a drug addiction. Lizzy was raised by a revolving door of friends, dealers and other users, just as Jagger was. They lived the same life, but gained different perspectives.

Lizzy believed there was a better way; Jagger believed that this was as good as it got.

“This friend got a name?” Lizzy asked suspiciously. Jagger had too much of their mother in him. She didn’t trust the people he dealt with.

“What the fuck does it matter what his name is? Let’s GO!” Jagger insisted.

Lizzy heard the fear in his voice. For all his bravado, Jagger was very, very frightened. When he got scared, Jagger got tough. He believed if he gave into his fears they would crush him, so he dealt with them by taking control of the situation, which was exactly what he was doing now.

“We can go to Eliana’s. She’ll help us. She was always good to Mom, she’ll help us get settled somewhere better,” Lizzy offered.

“Oh yeah, I can’t image where we’d be without her help,” Jagger sneered sarcastically. “Where was she, Liz? I didn’t see her in the court room last week when the fucking Judge sentenced us to life in foster homes!”

“You heard the social worker; she was away on personal leave. She’s probably back by now.”

Eliana had been their social worker for the past several years. She was responsible for keeping them ‘out’ of foster care. She believed that Celia, their mother, was a good-hearted woman with a bad problem, which was exactly how Lizzy viewed their mother. Jagger, however, viewed their mother as a weak pathetic excuse for a human being. He was bitter, resentful and full of anger.

“All I know is she wasn’t at the funeral, she wasn’t at the hearing, and she ain’t here now. CC’s dead two fucking weeks now, and no word from her. Now, if you want to stay with the “Royal Tetenbaums” then go ahead. I’m getting the fuck out of here before that boy from Deliverance shows up.”

Lizzy looked around their dismal little room. She was at least grateful that the judge didn’t separate them. They had found a family that would take both of them in but because of their age, and Jagger’s record, they were placed with a family notorious for taking in wayward kids just for the money.

Their new ‘home’ was an apartment in the projects, located in the worst part of the city. It had several bedrooms, all currently occupied with unwanted teens, and one bathroom. The foster parents set the rules down the minute the social worker walked out.

“You get one bed, one meal and no extras.”

They had already missed the meal for today, they’d have to wait for tomorrow.

Lizzy knew they couldn’t stay there, but she didn’t trust where Jagger was taking them to be much better.

She rose from the bed and grabbed her worn coat. “I’m going to Eliana’s,” she said climbing out the window.

Jagger cursed a string of the foulest expletives that Lizzy ever heard. She smiled to herself. For all her brother’s claims of not giving a shit for anyone but himself, he would not let her go to Eliana’s alone.

He followed her to the main highway and stood by her as she tried to hitch a ride.

A blue van pulled up and they jumped in. Lizzy got in the front with the driver; Jagger sat in the back with three other passengers.

“Where to, darlin’?” the man said in a southern drawl.

Jagger was on high alert in the back. His hand instinctively went to the shank that was taped to his calf under his jeans. There were two boys, and a girl in the back with him. They all looked too stoned to be of any trouble, still he was cautious.

He heard Lizzy give the driver directions to Eliana’s house. Fucking great. They were just going to land in another foster home he thought.

Fucking Lizzy! He could not for the life of him understand why she held onto a fucking dream that was never going to come true. Since he was old enough to understand she’d been telling him they weren’t meant for this life. That someday they were going to be loved and cared for and never have to worry about money.

She fervently maintained that a sandy haired young boy, who looked like James Dean, came to her every night in her dreams and promised her that she and him were going to have a better life one day.

Stupid prick that he was, he believed it for a while. But years of watching CC, their mother, shoot their food money up her veins, and letting men use her just for a fix, taught him one thing. Dreams came in the form of a needle, bottle or pill. Not in the form of young men who looked like James Dean.

Jagger did NOT believe in dreams.

He leaned his head back against the back of the passenger seat and sighed.

Lizzy was a dreamer. She had grand illusions of ‘happily ever after’. If she wasn’t careful, those dreams were going to be the death of her. When was she going to realize that this was it for them? They didn’t need love, or money; which was a good thing since they certainly weren’t going to get either. All they really needed was to stay alive. To him, that was as good as it got. He believed that every day above ground was a good day.

And today, was a good day.

 

***
 

“No. How many times do I have to say NO?” Brian yelled from behind his desk.

Justin made a face. “He’s being stubborn, but he knows there is no other way. Go ahead with the petition, Adam,” Justin said turning to Adam who was sitting in the matching Herman Miller chair next to him in Brian’s office.

Brian gave Justin an incredulous look. “Did I stutter? What the fuck!”

Adam felt very uncomfortable being in the middle of their spat. They’d been going back and forth like this for the past half hour now. Adam could feel there was some underlying problem apart from the situation at hand, and that was fueling their argument.

“No, you didn’t stutter, but you haven’t given an acceptable alternative either.”

Brian threw his hands up in frustration. “What about Deb? She’d love to take them in!” he said with a triumphant smile.

“Um, I hate to point this out, but Deb is not registered as a foster parent, so she can’t take them in. Not unless the father gives permission, and in this case, the father, as you know, is MIA,” Adam explained, cringing at the look Brian was giving him.

“Can’t she become a foster parent?” Brian asked.

“Of course, but that takes time, and in the meantime, the boys will be placed in foster care, or Juvi Hall, more likely, since there is a severe shortage of foster families.”

“Juvi Hall! Did you hear that, Brian? You know what goes on in places like that!” Justin was horrified at the thought.

“Oh, please, stop being so fucking dramatic. That’s Emmett’s job. Juvi Hall is a walk in the park! It’s not like living on the streets. I can tell you from experience THAT would be cruel. If you’re going to freak out about anything, freak out about that possibility.”

“Fine. Adam, put them in Juvi Hall then,” Justin said.

“NO!” Brian instinctively said.

Justin threw him a satisfied smile.

Brian threw the pen he’d been twirling between his fingers onto his desk and shot Justin an annoyed look. The two glared at each other. Justin was not about to give in on this. It had been two weeks since Claire’s funeral and they had to make a decision concerning the boys' future soon.

Two weeks and he and Brian had been growing increasingly distant for some reason. Justin was at a loss as to why, though he knew it was more than just the current situation at hand.

The past few days, especially, had been tense. Brian was short with him and restless. Justin tried to talk to him about it with no success. Instead of dealing with whatever was at the root of Brian’s ire, he channeled into a contest of wills with Justin over what was to be done with Claire’s boys. Though they both knew what they were going to do. The only thing they could do under the circumstances, but Brian needed to fight with Justin over something, and since he wasn’t willing to vent the true reason for his anger, he used the situation at hand as a venue for his frustration. Problem was, it was costing them time. Time the boys didn’t have.

They hadn’t been to school in the past two weeks since they’d been staying at Joan’s. Emmett was living with them and helping out. Rena had gotten Peter into therapy, and things were just starting to settle down. But the school had been pressing Joan for a date when the boys would be returning, and they needed to know for their records who the legal guardian was going to be. They mentioned calling in Social Services, knowing Joan’s history of alcohol abuse. That’s when Adam was called in.

Adam talked to the school administrators and told them that they were in the process of petitioning the courts to award custodial guardianship to a family member, but did not go into detail on who said relative would be. The school was sympathetic, and agreed to be patient, but that patience was only going to buy them so much time.

Adam explained to Brian that because of Joan’s medical condition, the courts would most likely reject a petition from her. The boys were at that age where they needed a lot of attention and guidance. They were involved in school programs and sports. They would need a guardian who could handle the rigorous day-to-day tasks it took to raise two teenage boys, plus someone who was going to be around for a while.

Joan’s doctors said that because of Joan’s age, and the advanced state of her liver disease, they could not say with any certainty she would live more than a few years. That news disturbed Brian more than he was willing to admit to. Justin knew that, deep down. Brian had hopes that in time, he and his mother would reconcile. Sadly, time wasn’t a luxury afforded to them. If that reconciliation was ever to take place, it would have to be soon and knowing how stubborn both Brian and his mother were, Justin wasn’t sure that would ever happen.

Justin wondered briefly if that was the cause for Brian’s emotional distance. It certainly could be, but instinct was telling him it was something else.

“Really, Bri, I don’t see the problem. In a few months the boys will be able to move in with us. God knows we’ll have plenty of room! For now, though, they can stay with Joan, as long as you give permission. But you can’t give permission unless you gain custody. I really see no other way,” Justin tried reasoning. He was tired of fighting over a non-issue.

Brian had purchased their building and the closing was this week. Fortunately for them, the tenants all opted to be bought out. It cost them a lot, but they both felt strongly about utilizing the whole building for their own personal space.

Justin had already enlisted the aide of a contractor and was working on the new design. Brian loved it. The building was three stories high and each floor was 2500 square feet. That was the size of three midsize homes.

Justin designed the first floor to be the ‘living area.’ It would have a gourmet kitchen, separate dining room, playroom, entertainment/living area, two bathrooms, a utility room, and a guest bedroom.

The second floor would be converted into sleeping quarters. It would host seven bedrooms, one for Gus, one with a small kitchen and master bath for the nanny, a nursery for the baby, three bathrooms and another entertainment room as well.

The third floor, their loft, would remain their loft with some minor adjustments. Justin was expanding the bathroom to put in a Jacuzzi, and adding another small workspace for him. He’d be doing most of his work at his school, which was schedule for renovations come summer. He also added an anteroom attached to their bedroom for the baby. They decided to keep the old fashioned caged elevator as a private entrance to their loft, though all floors would be accessible by stairs.

Once the remodeling of their building was complete, they’d have enough room to house six families. Room was certainly not an issue. The only issue was Brian.

“Justin, in case you’ve forgotten, we have a baby on the way. How are we to handle two teenage boys and a baby! For fuck sakes are you trying to emasculate me altogether! This whole conversation is making my dick soft!” Brian fumed.

Justin narrowed his eyes. “Well, that would explain why you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

Adam cringed. “Um, I hate to leave in the midst of what I’m sure is to be one hell of an interesting conversation, but I need to make a phone call,” he said and got up and left.

Brian leaned back in his chair and brought his fingers together under his chin.

“You complaining, Sunshine?” he said in a seductively dangerous voice.

Justin had the good grace to blush. He just questioned Brian’s sexual prowess in front of Adam. And that was the WORST thing anyone could do to Brian fucking Kinney. Especially his partner! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Could he have fucked up any bigger? One day, he WOULD learn to curb his impulsive tongue. One fucking day….too late maybe.

“Bri...” he started then stopped. He turned his head and held his emotions in check.

Truth was, Brian had backed off a lot from Justin. The distance was not only emotional, it was sexual. And that scared Justin. No matter what shit they were going through, sex was the one area where they always connected, and communicated. If Brian was angry or sad, or whatever, he spoke it to Justin in the bedroom. Sometimes, it was the only way he could communicate with Justin, when the words wouldn’t come to him. Like when he was telling Justin to “stay” when Justin left him for Ethan. Justin had come a long way since then; today, he would hear that loud and clear. Brian knew that too, so why was Brian shutting him out completely?

Not only were they having sex less, Brian had stopped ‘communicating’ with him in the bedroom.

Justin was starting to feel very insecure, and was beginning to wonder if he had done something to anger Brian. Or maybe worse, that he wasn’t enough to satisfy Brian’s newfound zest for life and was out tricking again.

Brian was at the office more and more these days, and when he wasn’t, he was either at Rena’s or Joan’s checking up on the boys. Justin knew in his heart, Brian was avoiding him, he just didn’t know why.

“You have something to say, Sunshine, say it,” Brian said, his eyes smoldering with an emotion Justin dared not discern.

Justin was tired of walking on eggshells around Brian. “Are you tricking?” he blurted out.

“No.” The answer came without hesitation.

Justin blinked, not knowing whether to be happy or more worried over that confession. At least, if Brian were tricking, it would explain his distance in their bed. But if he wasn’t tricking, then what the fuck was the problem?

He threw his hands up. “What the fuck did I do?” he asked agitation clear in his voice.

“I don’t know. What did you do?” Brian asked confused.

Justin sputtered. “You are so fucking insufferable sometimes! Just fucking tell me,” Justin said then stood up and faced Brian with his hands on his hips, looking much like a defiant warrior. “Why are you not FUCKING me?” he demanded.

Brian’s eyes widened, then he started laughing.

Knowing it was not a smart move, Justin picked up the pen that Brian had thrown on his desk earlier and flung it at him.

Brian’s reflexes were sharp and he managed to avoid being hit by the sharp object.

“Whooaaa!” he said between gulps of laughter. He got up and walked around to where Justin stood.

“You’re such a twat sometimes, you know that?” Brian said grabbing Justin around the waist. “I’ve been giving you a break! Since I got out of the hospital I’ve been riding you too hard. You’re behind in your schoolwork, you’re working day and night redesigning our home, and add to that, dealing with our current crisis. You’re exhausted. You need your rest.”

“Bullshit!” Justin screamed.

Brian’s eyes narrowed in anger and he pulled Justin to him roughly.

“Fuck you. Have you any idea how fucking hard it is for me to not fuck you AND not trick? I’ve been TRYING to restrain myself so not to hurt you and this is the reaction I get?!! You ungrateful little twat! You want me to be an inconsiderate lover? FINE!” Brian’s fury spilled over and he whipped Justin around and bent him over the desk.

Justin gasped as the hard wood met with his lower stomach. He braced his hands against the polished surface as Brian pushed his pants down.

He hissed when he felt Brian’s teeth scratch against his neck.

“If you’re going to fuck me, make sure you do it right this time,” Justin said, heedless of the consequences he knew were about to come.

Brian sucked his breath in and stilled his body against Justin’s.

“I SWEAR to GOD, Justin, you better have a good reason for spouting shit like that!”

Justin turned his head to look at Brian. “I’m SICK of you just fucking me! You haven’t TALKED to me in weeks!”

Brian looked into his lover’s eyes and knew what Justin was saying. Brian hadn’t been communicating to Justin in the bedroom, but it was only because he didn’t want Justin to know how sexually frustrated he was. He knew if Justin knew, he’d insist on meeting Brian’s needs, and right now Brian was more concerned with Justin’s needs.

Brian sighed and stepped back from Justin, pulling him up with him. He turned him around and lifted him up and sat him up upon the desk. Justin’s pants were still down around his knees.

Brian ran the back of his hand down the side of Justin’s face and held his gaze. Justin’s breath hissed as he stared into his lover’s eyes.

Finally, Brian was communicating with him.

He leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against Brian's. Brian moaned and deepened the kiss, burying his tongued into Justin’s mouth, savoring the taste of him.

Brian knew he’d been tetchy with Justin lately. It was because he was frustrated. He wanted his boy bad, and often, but he didn’t want to hurt Justin. Brian had just come off a ten-week rest; Justin had been emotionally and physically stressed out that whole time. Justin needed recuperating just as much as Brian did.

Brian should have known better though. Yes, Justin needed rest, but he needed him more. And that was exactly what Brian was going to give him now… more.

Brian ran his mouth down the side of Justin’s neck. He gently sucked on the juncture between his neck and shoulder, until Justin was squirming beneath him.

Brian then removed Justin’s shirt and started licking his way down his body. Justin leaned back, using his elbows as support as he watched Brian’s tongue play with his nipples, then lower, trailing down to his belly button where he dipped his tongue in several times, mimicking what he was about to do to him with his dick.

Brian slipped his hands beneath Justin’s ass and brought his hips up off the desk. He then moved so that his mouth hovered just above the tip of Justin’s cock.

He looked up at his blond.

“Tell me what I’m saying,” he said just before he took Justin into his mouth.

Justin gasped as Brian’s hot mouth engulfed him. Tiny blinding little lights exploded in his head. Brian was working his magic on him. Pulling him in, swirling his tongue around the base, then the tip, then all the way down again till he could feel his cock hitting the back of Brian’s throat.

Justin arched his back and let out a small guttural sound.

Brian tightened his lips and pulled up and over the tip of Justin’s cock, releasing it from his mouth. Justin groaned in protest and collapsed back against the desk.

“What am I saying?” Brian asked placing tiny kisses on Justin’s hipbone.

Justin moaned… “You want me,” he said throwing his arm over his forehead.

Brian climbed back up Justin’s body and kissed him on the mouth, slipping his finger in between their lips as their tongues dueled.

Justin brought his hands around Brian’s back. The scratchy wool of the material from his suit reminded Justin just how vulnerable he was at the moment. Brian was still completely dressed in his expensive business suit while Justin was lying, half naked and exposed over his desk.

“What else?” he asked sliding his finger out of their mouths. He then moved his hand down and pressed his wet finger against Justin’s tight opening, his eyes never leaving Justin’s.

Justin held his gaze as he felt Brian’s finger press against him, teasing him. Justin instinctively pushed his hips upward, begging entry, but Brian denied him.

“Tell me first.”

“You love me.”

Brian rewarded him by pressing forward, gaining entry into Justin’s tightness.

Justin sucked his breath in and closed his eyes.

Brian worked his finger in and out of Justin, eliciting sweet little moans from his blond.

He loved watching the myriad of emotions play over his boy's face as he lost himself in the throes of passion. A passion, Brian knew with great satisfaction, only he could give him.

Brian leaned forward and nipped at Justin’s ear.

“Justin,” he whispered so softly Justin wasn’t sure he actually spoke the words, or not. “I’m going to fuck you so hard. And when I’m done fucking you here, I’m going to take you home and fuck you…

all…

night…

long…” Brian punctuated each word with a bite to a different part of Justin’s sensitive skin.

Justin lost it. He started bucking up against Brian’s fingers. Brian had managed to get three in by now.

Brian indulged him for a few minutes before withdrawing his fingers. He then stood up and made haste in dropping his pants and donning a condom. Once sheathed, he placed the tip of his cock against Justin’s now throbbing opening.

He grabbed Justin’s legs and pulled them up over his hips, positioning himself so that when he entered, he’d enter deep.

Justin grabbed onto his arms, digging his fingers into his jacket.

Their eyes locked, their breathing rhythmic, every nerve in their bodies alert, and waiting.

Without warning, Brian thrust forward burying himself deep into Justin.

Justin threw his head back and screamed. Brian pulled halfway out before thrusting back in again.

“JUSTIN!” Brian growled out.

Justin opened his lust filled eyes and stared at Brian, his grip tightening around Brian’s forearms.

“What am I saying now?”

Justin felt Brian’s cock throbbing deep inside of him. He felt the muscles in his forearm flex, his hands firm, holding his legs up, his torso, encased between his legs, he could smell Brian’s desire, he could feel his blood coursing through his veins, hear his heart beating.

“Mine.”

Brian smiled, satisfied with his answer and renewed his thrusts. Long, hard and fast.

Justin ‘heard’ Brian with every thrust, with every breath, with every touch of his hand. Justin heard Brian.

Justin locked his legs around Brian and pulled him down to him, kissing him hard on the mouth. Brian continued to pound his boy as if it was his very means of breathing.

He reached between them and grabbed onto Justin’s cock and started stroking it.

Justin bucked up against him as Brian pumped his cock.

I want you…

I need you…

I love you…

Brian said with his body as he spilled his seed into Justin.

Justin’s body reacted and he came all over Brian’s Gucci suit. Brian collapsed on top of Justin, spent and sweating.

Justin held onto him until he calmed.

After several minutes, Brian reluctantly lifted himself off Justin. He looked down into his boy’s radiant face.

“How’s that for conversation?” he said with a sexy smile.

Justin rewarded him with one of his own million watt smiles.

“I say that’s the best fucking conversation we’ve had in a long time.”

Their playful after sex antics were disrupted by a knock on the door.

“Fuck.” Brian stood up, pulling Justin with him. He looked down at his suit. “Great. You know this is not coming out.” He said removing his jacket.

Justin finished dressing then took the jacket away from Brian. “That’s what you get for talking too much,” he said giving Brian a quick kiss.

The knock persisted.

“Come in,” Brian called out then went back to sit behind his desk.

Justin took his seat on the chair opposite the desk; the smile never leaving his face, his eyes never leaving Brian.

Adam walked in hating that he had to interrupt the two, though in fairness, he waited until the noise receded first. God they were loud!

“Sorry for the interruption, but, Jesus, everyone outside your office heard you two. I’m surprised no one said anything.”

“It’s not like they haven’t heard it before,” Justin said impishly. Brian winked at him.

“Ok, Adam. Go ahead and petition the court for custody. I’ll work something out with Joan. The boys need to know they’re wanted.”

“I’ll file the papers tomorrow. Getting custody shouldn’t be a problem. However, that’s not my main concern right now.”

Brian eyed him suspiciously. “What’s up?”

Adam turned to Justin. “That private dick I got for you just called. He found Brian’s cousin. Her name was Celia Catherine O’Hara.”

Brian’s eyes shot to Justin. “You hired a P.I.?”

“I told you I was going to.”

Brian grimaced. Justin did tell him, the day after Joan told them Aidan had a daughter, but Brian was so caught up at the time with his physical therapy he totally forgot about it. He turned to Adam.

“That’s my mother’s name, O’Hara. Wait, what do you mean her name ‘was’ Celia Catherine O’Hara?”

“P.I. said she died two weeks ago from an overdose of heroin. Apparently the poor woman had a very rough life.”

Justin frowned and got up and walked over to Brian.

“I’m sorry, Bri,” he said placing his hand on his shoulders.

Brian shrugged. “It’s not like I knew her, Sunshine. It makes no difference in our lives,” he said with a reassuring smile. He had an uncle, who had a daughter, who was his cousin. He didn’t know either of them. No loss to him.

“Actually, it kind of does affect your lives.”

Both Brian and Justin’s eyes shot to him. “How?” Brian asked cautiously.

“Funny how fate works,” Adam said stalling. He knew Brian was NOT going to like this bit of news.

“Spill it, Slatter,” Brian said, getting annoyed.

“Apparently, CC, that’s what she was called by her friends and social worker Eliana, had two children. They were placed in foster homes but ran away to Eliana’s house. Our P.I. just happened to be at the social worker's house looking for your cousin when the kids showed up. The courts didn’t know there were any living relatives. Eliana was so happy to hear CC had family. She’s going to contact you about the children. Seems you’re the only next of kin,” Adam said stepping back.

Brian’s face registered shock. His eyes narrowed and he turned to Justin.

Justin stepped back. “Now, Brian, don’t get upset. “

“Oh this is fucking precious. The ONLY next of kin! You just HAD to hire a PI, didn’t you! ‘Brian, you have to find out what happened to her.’” Brian imitated Justin’s voice. “Well, lucky us! We found out, didn’t we! Now what?” Brian fumed.

Justin placed his hands on his hips. “If you want to blame someone, blame Andy!” Justin said shocking Brian.

“Andy! What the fuck does Andy have to do with this?” Brian asked incredulously.

“You were the one who told me he showed you a house full of kids! Several he said, and trouble. Well looks like we got trouble!”

Brian groaned and dropped his head down onto his folded arms on the desk.

Justin went to him and rubbed his back.

“Is he going to be all right?” Adam asked.

“He’ll be fine. He just needs some aspirin, and a trip to Babylon is in order I think.”

Adam shook his head and left the office.

He looked at Shane who was sitting at her desk outside the office. He had enough to deal with with just one kid on the way.

His heart went out to Brian. He had joint custody of his son, another baby on the way, petitioning for custody of his two nephews, one of which had serious abuse issues and now two cousins whose mother was a drug addict, were about to land on his doorstep.

Adam shook his head. Life for the Taylor-Kinney household was about to get very interesting….

 

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