Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 56

“Ultimately, my hope is to amaze myself. The anticipation of discovering new possibilities becomes my greatest joy” ~ Jerry Uelsmann

 

***

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! How the hell did this happen?” Brian paced back and forth in front of the long white leather couch.

Rena and Shane sat there listening to Brian’s tirade, which had been going on now for a good fifteen minutes.

Shane’s head was bowed, not so much because she couldn’t face Brian, though he was doing a pretty good job of chastising her, but more so because she felt like vomiting again. If pregnancy was going to be like this for the next nine fucking months, she would slit her wrist, she thought, and then quickly banished that thought having promised Adam no more cutting. Fucking Adam! This was all his fault.

Rena pulled her bottom lip in and gnawed on it nervously. “Well, you see when a man and woman like each other a lot…”

“Shut the fuck up, Rena, I’m not in the mood.” Brian stopped his pacing long enough to admonish Rena.

“SHE knows better! For fuck sake, she’s been tricking for most her life! She would NEVER risk fucking without a condom! The mere fact that she did something so stupid is, is…” Brian was so frustrated, and angry he couldn’t finish his sentence.

Brian turned his attention to Shane. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

Shane’s head snapped up for the first time since Brian started his rant. Nausea hit her hard and fast. She took a deep breath before responding.

“Fuck you, Brian! I’m not some pathetic little twat who got pregnant to trap her man! It just fucking happened!” She got up from the couch, needing the comfort of the cool hard porcelain of the toilet to rest her forehead against so she could empty, for the second time today, the remaining contents of her stomach.

This fucking nausea was punishment enough, or at least should be, but in addition to her wretched state, she had to endure his highness’ wrath. The way he was carrying on, one would think HE was carrying the burden.

She was seriously regretting telling him about her pregnancy. It wasn’t like she had a choice though. It could either have come from her, or Rena. She thought it would be better if it came from her. Perhaps she thought wrong. The fact that he was right only added to her humiliation.

She DID know better. She never had sex without a condom, even when her mother tricked her out as a little girl. She learned all about condoms at a very young age. And she NEVER fucked without one.

Well, never until Adam, that is. When she was with him she didn’t think, she just ‘felt’. “Feeling” was very new to her. She was someone she didn’t even recognize when she was around Adam.

That night was so intense, neither one of them thought about anything but claiming each other. They were wild, and reckless, and now Shane was paying the price for their unbridled passion.

Her current state was already causing problems in her family. She had disappointed them. And she had a sinking feeling Adam would feel the same way once he found out.

“I’m sorry, Re, but I can’t do this. I’m getting an abortion,” Shane spat out recklessly.

Brian cursed.

Rena sucked her breath in. She couldn’t let Shane do that. She had no idea what a gift she was given. Rena couldn’t have children. She was permanently damaged from the brutal rape she endured at her father’s hands. Her womb was a mess. The doctors told her she would never be able to carry a child. And here Shane was, given a blessing like this, and she was going to throw it away? No, she couldn’t let her.

“No, Shane, don’t say that. Don’t even THINK it!” Rena managed to croak out in a very emotional voice.

Brian snorted. “You should abort the father,” Brian said sarcastically.

Both women turned angry eyes on him.

Brian made a face and shrugged his shoulders. “What?” he said then sighed. “Sit the fuck down, Shane; you are not getting an abortion. Well, not until you and Adam discuss this. He is the father, he does have a say.”

“No he doesn’t. He’s merely the sperm donor. I’m sure you can appreciate that, being one yourself.” Shane threw the insult at him with tears in her eyes. Her hands instinctively went to her stomach.

The gesture wasn’t lost on Brian.

“Stop being a stupid little twat! You’re not going to hide this from him. HE HAS RIGHTS!” Brian said passionately.

“He’s NOT YOU, Brian! He’s older than you, divorced, with no children. I believe there is a reason he has no children, and I’m not about to burden him with this one. If I tell him, I know he’ll want to do the noble thing.” Shane sneered the word ‘noble’. God she needed to throw up. “But I can’t let him do that. It’s not fair to him.” She ran from the room and headed towards the bathroom.

Rena frowned, worry etched deep into her brow.

“You’re not helping, Bean. This is serious. She needs our support, not our condemnation!”

Brian ran his hands over his face and took a deep breath. “I don’t have time for this, Re. Justin is coming home tonight and he’s not exactly happy with me at the moment. I’m going to need all my energy because trust me, there is nothing worse than a pissed off Sunshine.”

“Well what the fuck did you expect? Jesus, Bean, you’re not seriously going to stage a fake marriage to Lindsey are you? That’s too cruel, even for you.”

Brian scowled at her. “Why is it every time I turn around I find you and Justin siding with each other? And it’s usually against me! Where’s your loyalty?” he asked, a bit dramatically.

“Oh please, don’t pull that shit on me. NO one is more loyal to you than Justin and I. If we are on the same side, it’s YOUR side. You just are too stubborn to accept that we know you better than you know yourself sometimes.”

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He could feel a full-blown headache coming on.

“Rena, I have to do something. If I don’t snap Lins out of this little fantasy soon, it’s going to affect not only our relationship with each other, but also our relationship with our son. And I won’t let that happen.”

“I agree. But staging this marriage, showing her what “real time” with you is like, might backfire. Not to mention, it’s a slap in Justin’s face. You’d never marry him, but you’d marry Lindsey?”

Brian gave her an incredulous look. “What the fuck are you talking about?! How is it a slap in his face? It’s a FARCE! He knows how I feel about marriage. This is NOT about marriage; it’s about shattering Lindsey’s fantasy. Christ, why can’t either of you understand that. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I promised him I wouldn’t do anything until we discussed this. WHICH I planned to do tonight, but now I have to be here dealing with, once again, ANOTHER family crisis!” Brian threw his hands in the air and walked over to the bar.

“Stop being the fucking drama queen. That’s Emmett’s job. Who, by the way, has been staying with us. Did you know that?” Rena asked.

Brian pulled a beer from the bar fridge and turned to face Rena. “No, I didn’t. Why? Wait, let me guess, Margot,” he said, curling his lip in disgust.

Rena laughed. “Yep. And, don’t you dare say a word to him. He’s been keeping her busy and out of my hair. In case you haven’t noticed, Margot is demanding, and exhausting.”

“Then throw her, and him, the fuck out,” Brian said, in typical Kinney no bullshit style.

“Can’t. Emmett keeps Margot entertained, Tom keeps Viv entertained, and that leaves me alone to deal with Shane’s current situation. No one but the three of us knows. I don’t want Viv getting wind of this. You know how cruel she can be. I don’t want her making Shane feel any worse than she does.”

“Well, we agree on that. No one should know.” Brian took a deep swig of his beer. “Except Adam, of course.”

“And don’t tell James,” Rena tossed out casually.

Brian gave her a suspicious look. “Why, and how, would I tell James? He hasn’t contacted you or Em. What makes you think he’ll contact me?” He wouldn’t lie to Rena, they didn’t lie to each other, but they often kept the truth from each other.

“I’m not stupid, Bean. I know you two are up to something, and I know it has something to do with Justin’s attacker.” She waited for her brother to deny it. When he remained silent, she knew she was right.

“It’s ok. You both promised you wouldn’t kill him. That’s enough for me. I don’t need to know anything else.”

“Good, you’ve always been too fucking nosey for your own good anyway.”

“Well, be happy I’m so nosey. If I weren’t, Shane may have gone off and done something stupid without even telling us.”

Shane walked back into the room at that point. She plopped down on the couch next to Rena.

Rena rubbed her back. “Feeling better, hon?”

Shane smiled weakly and nodded her head.

Brian walked over to them and sat on the couch in between them.

“Ok, let’s start from the beginning. First, Shane, look at me.”

Shane wiped her eyes and turned to look at him. It was obvious she was crying.

“Do you want this baby?” he asked, his voice taking on a much softer tone.

Shane blinked. She never really thought about what she wanted. She just thought about how Adam was going to react, and if it was fair to burden him with a child, a child neither ever discussed having.

“Um, I don’t know. I mean, me a mother?” She let out a bitter laugh. “I wouldn’t have a clue how to take care of a baby.”

“That’s not what I asked. I asked if you wanted this baby.”

Shane averted her eyes. God she was so fucked. Deep inside, she really, really wanted this baby. It was part of Adam and she loved him with a passion so strong it frightened her, and by extension, she loved this baby that was inside of her, HIS baby, just as passionately.

“Yes,” she said so softly both Rena and Brian weren’t sure if they heard her.

“Yes?” Brian made her repeat it.

She let out a deep breath and straightened her spine. She turned back to look Brian in the eyes. “Yes. I want his baby.”

“Well, it’s settled then. You’ll tell Adam you’re going to have his baby. If he doesn’t want any part of it, fine. You have family, Shane. Rena, Justin and I will help you. Every step of the way.”

Shane’s eyes misted. “I know, thanks,” she said, her heart heavy.

Brian pulled her in for a quick hug than got up from the couch.

“Don’t underestimate him, Shane. Talk to the man. You might be surprised at his reaction.” Brian was surprised himself that he was actually defending the man! “Well, now that’s settled, I have another family issue I have to deal with.”

Rena got up and walked him to the door. She gave him a big hug. “And you, my dear brother, should talk to Justin about his feelings on marriage. He knows your feelings on the subject, do you know his? YOU might be surprised by what he has to say on the matter.”

Brian pulled his coat on and gave Rena a quick kiss on the cheek. “What surprises me is that we’re even going to have this conversation.” Brian sighed and turned to leave.

Rena watched her brother jump into his Vette and drive away. A twinge of guilt washed over her knowing what he was walking into. She had talked to Justin earlier in the day. Brian was right, an angry Sunshine was a force to be reckoned with. She did not envy her brother at the moment. He was about to face a full-blown “Taylor” queen out.

Ah, if only she could be a fly on the wall for that confrontation…

 

***
 

Brian entered the loft and nearly tripped over the dozens of bags that littered the entranceway.

Great, he thought. Justin went on a shopping frenzy. He groaned as he surveyed the seemingly endless sea of bags scattered throughout the loft. By the looks of it, Justin was very, very pissed.

“Hello, Sunshine, I’m home.” He called out a little too cheerily and slammed the loft door closed behind him.

Justin strolled out of the bedroom wearing a tight black wife beater, and a pair of light gray Prada sweats that Brian had never seen before. God he looked hot. Brian’s dick got instantly hard. The contrast of the black shirt against his fair skin was striking and intoxicating. And the way those sweats hugged his thighs…wait…

Prada sweats?! What the Fuck?! Justin would never pay $200 for a pair of sweats.

His blond was over the top pissed.

Brian stepped over a pile of packages, and slipped out of his coat. He threw it onto the kitchen counter.

“Have fun shopping?” he asked, his tone cool.

“Actually, I did.” Justin walked over to Brian and handed him his credit card.

“I would have bought more, but it got declined at some little designer boutique I found just outside of the city. Apparently I went over your limit.” Justin smiled caustically.

Brian grimaced.

“Mmmm… I can see why.” Brian sighed and examined the damages. There were bags sporting Prada, Gucci and Dolce and Gabbana labels. There went his trip to Ibiza this winter, he thought. And to think he was going to take the little fucker with him.

He pulled his bottom lip in and turned to face Justin. “So how’s Nana?” he asked as he hoisted himself up on the kitchen stool and leaned his elbows back on the counter. Might as well get the pleasantries out of the way first.

“Nana is great. By the way, she thanks you for the pearl necklace you bought her.”

“How thoughtful of me. Was it her birthday or something?”

“No, an early Christmas gift. You did ask me to do your Christmas shopping, didn’t you? I’m sure everyone is going to be very pleased with your extreme generosity this year,” Justin said, his tone getting more sarcastic with each sentence.

Brian’s eyes grew angry. “Stop the fucking theatrics. I get it, ok. You’re pissed. But I fucking told you I wouldn’t do anything until we talked about it. Now are we going to talk about it, or are you going to goad me all night? Better yet, let’s fuck first. You’ve been gone three fucking days. I’m horny.” Brian got up from the stool and grabbed Justin’s arm.

He headed towards the bedroom, dragging a startled Justin behind him.

“What the…” Justin sputtered. He pulled his arm from Brian’s grip. “If you think I’m going to fuck you now, you’re out of your fucking mind!”

Brian turned on him. “I haven’t gotten laid in THREE FUCKING DAYS!”

Justin’s head snapped back in shock. “What? How can that be?” he asked, truly confused.

Brian snorted and averted his eyes.

Justin saw a flush creep up Brian’s neck, and then it hit him….

“No fucking way.” He was unable to keep the smile from his voice, or his face.

“Are you telling me you haven’t tricked in three days?” Justin asked, a little too giddy for Brian’s liking.

Truth was, Brian hadn’t tricked in weeks, though he was not about to admit that to Justin. The boys’ head was too swelled as it was. And not in a good life affirming way.

He’d be impossible to live with if he knew Brian just didn’t want to trick these days. He found he didn’t crave the distraction or attraction like he once did. It just didn’t hold the same appeal.

His recent lack of interest in his favorite pastime was unsettling, to say the least. Part of him accepted it, after all, no trick came close to giving him the fucking mind blowing orgasms his blond gave him each and every time they fucked. Yet on the other hand, he WAS the stud of Liberty Avenue. He hated to think he lost his edge. His ego, not to mention his vanity, was NOT having it.

“Don’t get that pretty little of head of yours wrapped around some crazy notion that I didn’t trick because of you.”

Justin pressed his lips together tightly to prevent himself from smiling. Since their talk about their relationship, especially about their wants and needs, Brian was very discrete about his tricking. Justin assumed, however, that he was still tricking on occasion, though he knew it was not nearly as much as he used to. But for Brian not to trick for three fucking days while Justin was away was nothing short of a miracle.

When Brian told him he was changing things, he never in his wildest imagination thought tricking would be one of those things. He had to be careful though not to make an issue of it. One step forward, two steps back. Justin was not about to take any steps back at this point. “I would never assume such a ridiculous notion,” he said in a barely controlled voice.

Brian gave him a sharp look. He heard the humor in Justin’s voice. “I’ve been busy, that’s all. This whole fucking mess with Lindsey’s been fucking with my head,” he said in defense of his non-promiscuity.

Justin sobered up at the mention of Lindsey. “Speaking of Lindsey. No,” he said and folded his arms across his chest.

Brian raised his eyebrow at him. “No?” he challenged in a menacing tone. Brian DID not take kindly to anyone, including his life partner, telling him no.

Justin heard Brian’s tone loud and clear, but he was not backing down on this one.

“No you can’t. Period. It’s fucked that you would even think of such a thing. Some people hold marriage as a sacred union regardless of how YOU feel about it. You can’t piss on people’s beliefs like that. Especially Lindsey’s. It’s insulting, and disrespectful.”

Brian stared at his lover. He spoke passionately in Lindsey’s defense, but he suspected it came from his own beliefs on the subject.

Here was his opening. “And what are your views on marriage?”

Justin knew that dangerously calm voice Brian had and narrowed his eyes. “It doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is that Lindsey believes marriage is the ultimate consummation of love between two people.”

Brian held Justin’s stare. “I want to know what YOU believe.”

Justin tilted his head. Brian was asking him his beliefs on marriage? What was wrong with this picture? Brian and marriage did NOT mix. There were few certainties in this life, death, taxes and Brian Kinney’s eternal state of bachelorhood.

Justin was very wary of Brian’s sudden interest in his feelings on the subject. They never discussed Justin’s thoughts on marriage because it was clear that as long as he was with Brian, there would be no such union. So Justin put it out of his head.

Having accepted that, Justin never really took the time to examine his own feelings on the sacred institution. Now that Brian had opened the door to discussing it, he wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to voice his views. He deliberated his words carefully before he answered Brian.

“I believe that marriage is a celebration of love between two people,” he said, trying to keep it simple.

“And you need a marriage license to celebrate love?”

Justin brought his hand up to his chin. “Well, no, it’s not so much the license, it’s the “act”. The ceremony and what it represents.”

“And what does it represent?”

Justin studied Brian, trying to figure out what he was getting at. “To me, it represents shared love, trust, commitment, monogamy…” Justin threw in that last part without thinking.

Fuck! One day he swore he’d learn to control that impulsive nature of his! He didn’t need to say that, not on the heels of Brian admitting he hadn’t tricked in three days. The last thing he wanted was for Brian to go out tricking just to make some fucking point. Great, Taylor, you just took a step back yourself. Can’t even blame Brian Fucking Kinney for this one.

Brian brought his hand up to his chin and contemplated what Justin said.

Justin wrapped his arms around his waist and shifted from one foot to the other in nervous anticipation of Brian’s response.

“Does marriage guarantee monogamy?”

Justin didn’t expect the question. He snorted. “Obviously not, if our fathers are any indication.”

Brian let out a bitter laugh. “They don’t count. There was no love in those men.”

“Are we monogamous?” Brian asked the ridiculous question.

Justin was about to say, he was, but then remembered he DID like to trick with Brian on occasion, so he couldn’t say he was.

“No, we’re not,” he said dejectedly and lowered his eyes.

“Is there love and trust between us?”

Justin raised his eyes to meet Brian’s. “Of course there is.”

“Then would you agree that there is no correlation between love and monogamy?”

Justin sighed, defeated. “Yes, I agree. One has nothing to do with the other. Are you happy now?”

Brian frowned at his tone. Brian sighed. “Justin, listen to me.” He approached him and lifted his chin so his eyes met his own. “Are you listening?” he asked gently. Justin nodded his head. “We have something no marriage license, or ceremony can give us. We have the certainty that we belong to each other. And if we truly have that certainty, as I believe we do, then why do we need a ceremony to validate it? We made our commitment to each other. To involve anyone else in something so intimate, so personal, is the true sacrilege.”

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes and almost felt ashamed. Put like that, wanting marriage was in a way stating that you needed more than your lover’s vow of love and loyalty. Brian made that commitment to him, how could he ask him to prove it with a piece of paper and staged ceremony for the benefit of others? It was insulting to his lover, his soulmate.

“I agree,” he said, smiling sadly.

“If you agree, then why the sad voice?”

Justin shrugged. “I don’t know. I grew up gay, in a very straight world. Country clubs, debutantes, private schools, all that came with a shitload of traditions. Traditions I adopted. They were comfortable and familiar. Then I came out, and everything changed. I try to hold on to most of the traditions I grew up with because I love them. Celebrating special occasions and holidays, having a home and family, I really want those things, Brian. I guess I just don’t understand why I have to sacrifice the things I love, just because I’m gay,” Justin said earnestly, afraid that Brian would recoil from him, feeling too pressured knowing what Justin wanted, yet not wanting to hide his feelings. Not on something this important.

Brian pulled him into his arms and hugged him. “Jesus, Sunshine, you should have told me. You don’t have to give up a fucking thing you love just because you’re gay,” Brian said passionately.

Justin snuggled closer to Brian trying to lose himself in his embrace. He hugged him tightly, and fiercely, not wanting to let him go. “It doesn’t matter. We have each other. You are right. That is all that matters.”

Brian kissed the top of his blond’s soft hair. “You know what matters?”

Justin didn’t answer, he just held on tighter.

“You. You can do anything you fucking want to, Justin. You’re determined and passionate about your family and your art. You’re wild and unpredictable and you keep me fucking off balance most of the time. I love that you don’t let me get away with any bullshit; you constantly challenge me, and inspire me to be better. Whether you see it or not, you still have your traditions. You’ve incorporated them into our lives. You’ve turned our loft into a home. You got my refrigerator filled with actual food. You cook the best fucking meals, which you also help me work off in the bedroom.” Justin laughed into Brian’s chest.

“And, you make a point of dragging me to every fucking family occasion there is. And God help me I can’t believe I’m going to admit this, but I actually like being at them now. Because of you. Of course I kick and scream in protest every time, got to put up appearances you know.” He pulled back and looked down into Justin’s face.

Justin smiled. “Yeah, well, we can’t have anyone thinking that Brian Fucking Kinney actually likes family gatherings!”

“No one would believe you anyway,” Brian half joked. “You’ve not only made a home for me, but for Gus as well. He’s going to be spending a lot of time here now,” Brian said, taking a look around the loft. “We’re going to have to make some changes. Gus is going to need his own room.”

“I’ll call a contractor tomorrow. There is plenty of space we can utilize. We just need to redesign it. Actually, I’ve got some ideas. I’ll draw up some plans this week,” Justin said, his mind already sketching out a new floor plan for the loft.

“Um, don’t you think we should hire an architect?”

Justin huffed. “I’m not going to trust our home to some fancy architect you would hire that would turn this place into some cold imitation of a home. I’ll work with the contractor myself.”

“You’re probably right. I was just envisioning a hot tub.”

Justin laughed. “Not exactly what Gus needs. I was thinking more in the line of dinosaur wallpaper and childproofed cabinets.”

“Hmmm… I see your point,” Brian relented. “I’ll leave the renovations to you then. As long as you leave our bedroom alone.”

Justin agreed.

“So can we fuck now?” he said, and pulled Justin in to nip at his ear.

Justin giggled. “No, wait, there’s one more thing.” He pulled away from Brian and reached for his hands taking them into his own.

“I want a baby.” He held Brian’s stare, afraid to move. Yep, one day he’d learn to curb his impulsive nature, but apparently, that day wasn’t today. In for a penny in for a dime, Justin thought. They talked about marriage, commitments and house renovations to accommodate a room for Gus. While he was at it, he thought he could fit a nursery into the design as well.

Brian blinked several times at Justin. What the fuck? Was there an overload of estrogen in the air lately? First Shane and now Justin wanted a baby?

“I hate to tell you this, Sunshine, but that’s anatomically impossible.”

“I’m serious, Brian.” This was his chance. He’d been thinking about this for some time. He loved Gus as his own, and he wanted Gus to have a sibling. One that belonged to both him and Brian.

“Just hear me out, please?” Justin asked a bit desperately.

Brian nodded his head slightly complying with Justin’s request, yet wary of what thoughts were running wild in that pretty blond head of his.

“I’ve thought about this a lot. I even researched it. How would you feel about finding a surrogate mother to carry a child for us? There’s this agency that matches up donors with carriers. The mothers are mostly women of very poor means, with many children. They agree to carry the donor’s child in exchange for money. They don’t want any more children; they just want to be able to afford the ones they have. The great part about it is that the child would belong to both of us.” Justin paused to let this sink in. Brian just continued to stare at him with that blank look on his face Justin had come to know, and fear.

He took a deep breath and continued. “Instead of you or me being the sperm donor, we BOTH become the donors. We combine our sperm and impregnate the mother with it. We need never know who the biological father is. The child would be a creation of both of us. I have the name of the agency, you can check it out if you like,” Justin blurted out excitedly.

What was the worst that could happen? Brian would say he was nuts and shoot the idea down. But at least Justin would never look back one day and say, ‘I should have’ or ‘what if’. He’d know, now, today.

You could have blown Brian over with a feather right then and there.

He didn’t move, didn’t speak, Justin wasn’t sure he was breathing. He started to get concerned. “Bri?” he called softly. He continued to hold Brian’s hands in his own.

Brian stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

A baby? His and Justin’s baby?

It was something that he NEVER thought possible for him. Like Justin, he accepted the fact that being gay meant being denied certain things. Like creating a child with the one you loved. Yet here Justin was, suggesting that it WAS possible.

When Lindsey had asked him to be the donor for Gus he didn’t even have to think twice. He figured it would be his only chance to have a child, even if it meant he wouldn’t be in love with the mother. Mikey tried to talk him out of it, as did others, but Brian wasn’t about to let that opportunity go. And today, he was glad he didn’t.

In the beginning, he told himself it was best if he stayed out of Gus’s life, and let Lins and Mel raise him, as long as he could be in his life. That was the deal, and Lindsey agreed. Then that whole mess with Mel’s affair broke them up and Brian was terrified that Gus would be denied growing up in a loving home.

THAT was unacceptable to Brian. He had grown up in both a loving home, and a loveless home. He would die before he’d let his son grow up in a loveless home. So he signed his rights over to Mel, in exchange for them getting back together.

But then, things changed and Brian wanted his rights back.

He found his soulmate, his life partner. He never believed it would happen for him. Andy certainly didn’t tell him, even though Andy had visions of Justin. He couldn’t blame him though. Brian was so bitter back then, he wouldn’t have believed him anyway. But it had happened, and Justin did come into his life. And now it was more important than ever that he have his son back in his life, and be a full time dad to him in a house filled with love.

Because of Justin, he could now offer that to Gus.

He was at a point in his life where he didn’t believe he could be happier. But he was wrong. Here was Justin, telling him they could have a baby, together. A baby, born out of love between both parents. The enormity of what Justin was describing, was too much for him to take in.

Brian sat down on the floor pulling Justin down with him, heedless of the fact that Justin was still holding onto his hands.

“Brian!” Justin followed Brian to the floor.

“Jesus, Justin. I never thought…” Brian said. He looked into Justin’s eyes. For the second time in his life, he didn’t have to think twice. “Yeah,” he said resolutely.

“Yeah?” Justin asked, afraid he was dreaming.

“Oh yeah!” Brian said definitively.

Justin squealed and threw himself into Brian’s arms, toppling both of them over.

Brian grunted as he landed on his back with a very excited blond on top of him.

Justin kissed his face all over. “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” he kept chanting in between kisses.

“Oh my God, Brian, this is going to be so fucking great! Just think! A little brother or sister for Gus!”

Brian smiled at Justin’s excitement. It was infectious.

“I can’t wait to tell Rena! She’s going to be so thrilled!”

“Yeah, well, she’s going to have double joy now. Shane is pregnant.”

Justin stopped his amorous attack on Brian and placed his hands on either side of his head. He pushed himself up and looked down into Brian’s eyes.

“Shane’s pregnant?” he asked, his tone suddenly very serious.

“Yeah. And she’s having the baby.”

“Oh my God! This is an omen. I know it. It’s meant to be, Brian. First, you get your rights to Gus back, then Shane gets pregnant, and now we’re going to have a baby! Our family is growing.” A big smile spread across Justin’s face.

Brian sucked his breath in. God, he wondered if there would ever come a day when one of Justin’s megawatt smiles wouldn’t take his breath away.

“Well let’s just hope it doesn’t grow as big as your shopping list.”

Justin blushed. “I really didn’t spend that much. I made it look like a lot more than it really is. Most of those bags have only one item in them. But I did buy myself some new clothes. Aren’t these pants hot?” he asked suggestively and pressed his thighs against Brian’s.

Brian growled. “Not as hot as you’re going to look once I tear them from you,” he said and started pulling them off of Justin.

Justin laughed and leaned forward to kiss Brian.

Brian captured his mouth and ravaged it. He sucked his bottom lip in and gently scraped his teeth against the full fleshy skin.

Justin moaned deep into his mouth. His earlier excitement over the prospect of having a child with Brian now turned into an excitement of a much different nature.

This excitement was less emotional and more animalistic. Hot, burning need coursed through Justin’s body. He drove his tongue into Brian’s mouth needing to claim him, to taste him, to devour him.

Brian instantly felt the change in Justin and responded in kind. He put his hands on Justin’s hips and lifted him up so that he could slide his pants off, then he unzipped his own pants and pushed them down.

They ripped at the rest of each other’s clothes. The black wife beater was now remnants to be discarded or left for rags for the cleaning lady.

Brian made haste in discarding their clothes, desperate to feel all of Justin against him. Once naked, he flipped Justin onto his back and attacked his neck with his hot mouth. He sucked and nipped his way down to his hard, erect nipples.

Justin moaned wildly and arched his back to give Brian better access. He tangled his fingers in Brian’s hair communicating his need. Brian smiled to himself. He loved when his boy got like this.

He answered his demand by moving his decadent mouth lower, lingering at Justin’s belly button. Dipping his tongue in and out imitating a much baser ritual.

Justin thought he was going to lose his mind with Brian’s teasing. “God, Brian… please…” The words came out of Justin’s mouth mindlessly.

But Justin didn’t need to speak. Brian listened to his body. He knew what his boy needed before he did. He ran his tongue along Justin’s hipbone, to the juncture between his thigh and groin. He lingered there as well, lavishing his lovers’ soft skin.

Justin arched his hips searching for Brian’s mouth.

Brian rewarded Justin by engulfing his hard cock with his hot, wet mouth.

He deep throated him, and then pulled his lips up, tightly to the tip where he licked the precum from Justin’s head. He repeated this action several times. Bringing Justin to a peak, then backing off.

Justin was wild with need; his frustration was wreaking havoc with his senses.

“Fuck, Brian, I can’t….” he cried out.

Brian released Justin’s cock from the onslaught of his mouth, Justin moaned in protest.

“You can’t what, Sunshine?”

Justin cursed.

Brian crawled up his body. “Now, now, you didn’t think I was going to let you cum that easily, did you?”

Justin groaned and threw his forearm over his eyes, trying to escape the deep ache he was feeling. “You’re a cruel, sadistic bastard.”

Brian laughed and reached over to his discarded pants and pulled out a condom and some lube.

He then prepared them and positioned Justin beneath him so that his cock was pushing against his entrance.

Justin instinctively lifted his hips up, frantically seeking release.

Brian leaned over and pulled Justin’s ear lobe into his mouth.

“Tell me.” He whispered the demand then embedded himself deeply into Justin with one swift forward movement.

Justin’s body shook with uncontrolled emotion and physical response at Brian’s entry.

“I love you.”

Brian made an unintelligible sound and brought his mouth down to capture Justin’s in a soul-rendering kiss. Justin returned the kiss just as fiercely, then, without warning, climaxed so violently that Brian had to hold onto him tightly so as not to be thrown off.

He rode his lover to their ultimate destination. Their bodies melding to the point where Brian couldn’t distinguish whether it was his or Justin’s pleasure coursing through his body. Justin’s orgasm consumed him to the point where it became his own. The force of it was so powerful his own release took control of him.

Three years and, still, Justin was able to bring him to new heights of passions.

He screamed his pleasure into Justin’s mouth.

Justin’s soul shattered at the feel of Brian’s release deep inside of him, only to be pieced back together with bits of his lover’s. For a brief moment, they were truly one.

Just when he thought he could not get any closer to Brian, somehow, they managed to connect even more.

Perhaps it was the decision they made to have a baby together that brought them closer.

Or maybe it was just the natural order of their union. The longer they were together, the more connected they became.

Or possibly it was just that NO ONE could fuck like Brian Kinney. Justin smiled at his own wayward thoughts. The very thing that annoyed Justin about Brian, his sexual prowess , and excessive sexual appetite, was the very thing that fulfilled Justin’s own deep sexual needs and appetite.

God he loved him.

Brian tried to catch his breath as he held onto Justin after experiencing, what Brian would call, a religious experience. It was the closest he ever felt to Justin, and he didn’t think it was possible to feel any closer.

He ran his hands over Justin’s body, still embedded in him, wanting, no needing the constant contact. He sighed deeply. Justin’s passion not only rivaled his own, it exceeded it at times.

Not for the first time Brian thought, the boy was simply going to kill him.

Ah… But what a way to go…

They lay quietly for a long time. Justin must have dozed because the next thing he remembered was Brian sitting up looking down at him with eyes filled with love.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“We’re having a baby,” Brian said, a smile splitting his handsome features.

Justin rivaled his smile with one of his own. “We’re having a baby,” he repeated, and then grew serious for a moment.

“What?” Brian asked

“Lindsey…”

 

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