Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 53

“No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope or fear;
But, grateful, take the good I find,
The best of now and here.”

~ John Greenleaf Whittier


***

 

“Aunty Vivvvvvv!!” Rena screeched loudly and threw the dishcloth she had in her hand towards John.

John grunted as the wet cloth smacked him in the face. He peeled it off just in time to see Rena rush across the room and into her Aunt’s arms. He smiled. So this was the famous ‘Aunt Viv’.

The woman had presence, he thought. She was tall, statuesque, in fact, and had a posture that could rival the guards at Buckingham Palace. He wondered if there was any warmth behind that icy veneer.

John watched as the two women nearly toppled to the ground when Rena threw herself into Viv’s open arms. Viv buried her face in Rena’s neck and hugged her tight. Her body was shaking slightly from her emotions.

It was obvious there was great affection between the two women. It appeared Viv had a heart after all, at least when it came to Rena, and that’s all that mattered to John.

Brian, however, was unaffected by the touching scene between his sister and her aunt. By the look on his face, John guessed he was not happy with Viv. He shuddered to think of those two going head to head.

Brian sidestepped the two embracing women and walked towards the living room carrying Viv’s bags.

He threw them unceremoniously onto the leather recliner then headed for the bar. He was furious with Viv and although he acknowledged her loyalty and affection for his sister, he was hard pressed at the moment to appreciate her sentiments. She had done the unthinkable.

She had brought that cunt Margot with her to Thanksgiving dinner.

Brian had invited Viv to spend Thanksgiving dinner with them weeks ago. He thought it would be a nice surprise for his sister. Though she’d never admit it, Brian knew Rena was having a hard time adjusting to her new life. She was, for the first time, dealing with her past.

Her therapy sessions were taking a toll on her; Brian could sense it. Yet when he tried to talk to her about it, she would tactfully change the subject. He didn’t push her; he knew when she was ready, she would talk to him.

Her relationship with John just added to the stress. It really wasn’t a good time for her to fall in love; as if any time was a good time, he thought. It was just another new emotion she had to deal with. She had a lot on her plate these days and she needed ALL of her family around her. With the holidays coming up, he thought it a good idea to invite Viv to come visit. He knew Rena missed her.

Viv readily and eagerly accepted the invitation. Apparently, Viv was unsure of her place in Rena’s life now that she made her home with Brian. Brian told Viv that her place was set seventeen years ago. She was family.

Viv had opened doors for Rena that Brian would never have be able to, that he wasn’t perfectly capable of taking care of himself and his sister, he was, even at the age of fourteen, but he wouldn’t have been able to provide the opportunities Viv provided for her. For that, he was very grateful.

That gratitude though was pushed to the back burner when he walked into the airport earlier that day and saw Margot get off the plane with Viv.

Brian did not like the woman with her over inflated tits and ego. She was a hack as an actress as far as he was concerned; she found her fame and fortune between the sheets of every producer and director in Hollywood. He could respect that, if the woman didn’t act like she actually had talent, and carte blanche to rip anyone around her a new asshole if they weren’t in a position to advance her career.

She was mean, vicious and she did the unthinkable. She insulted Justin.

He would have turned her pitiful, has-been, sagging ass around and put her on the very next plane out of there if it weren’t for Justin.

Justin immediately saw the look on Brian’s face when Margot got off the plane and knew he had to intervene before Brian caused a scene. He refused to let Brian ruin their Thanksgiving. Brian was already in a bad mood, not being able to spend the day with his son, and he didn’t want his partner taking it out on Margot.

Brian had a memory like an elephant. He never forgave Margot for insulting Justin in New York.

Justin, on the other hand, had no trouble forgiving Margot. Her words, though aimed to hurt him, came from her own pain. She accused Justin of using Brian as a ‘sugar daddy’. That accusation, Justin was sure, came from her own personal experiences of young men using her for her power, money and influence. He saw right through it. And now that her fame and fans were both fading she was dying a slow painful death. The only death that mattered to someone like her. Her stardom was dying.

Emmett, God love him, fawned all over Margot the moment he saw her. His hangover suddenly disappeared at the sight of his “goddess”. He was in serious drag queen mode. His stalking fan like adoration for the aging star put a light in Margot’s eyes. Justin was glad Emmett was showing the woman so much attention. If ever there was a person in need of it, it was Margot.

Brian, on the other hand, snarled at Em. He mumbled under his breath something about losing his breakfast over the sickeningly disgusting display Em was creating, salivating over that dried up old slut.

Justin didn’t ask, he TOLD Brian to let it go. This wasn’t about him or Margot. This was about Rena and Viv. Brian reluctantly agreed not to make a scene.

Actually, he was very good in the limo on way to the house. Tom had also accompanied Viv, which made Brian very happy.

Tom and Brian had an odd, yet close, relationship. It was Tom who hand delivered the letters between Brian and Rena all those years. Tom was Brian’s lifeline to his sister and that made him very important to Brian. Brian had grown to like Viv’s ‘man’, or whatever she called him, very much.

Tom had been in Viv’s employ for over twenty years now. Much like James was to Rena, he was her chauffer, bodyguard, financial advisor, personal assistant, and house manager.
 

Justin was happy to finally meet the man. He was family. It saddened him that James couldn’t be with them today. He shook his head. He couldn’t think about James mission today. Today was for family, and he had to make sure Brian got through it with as little pain as possible. Though he hid it well, Justin knew Brian was missing Gus terribly. He hoped that having a house full of friends and family would ease that pain just a bit.

Justin breathed a sigh of relief when the limo finally pulled up to Rena’s house. Being in such close proximity with Margot for the forty minutes it took to get from the airport to Rena’s house was taking its toll on Brian.

It was all worth it though just to see Rena’s reaction to seeing Viv again. There was much love between Viv and Rena and he knew Brian would have been moved by their reunion, if his anger at Viv weren’t still very much intact. He could tell by the way he threw Viv’s bags on the chair that he was fuming. Unfortunately, his anger was misdirected. The ‘true’ source of his anger wasn’t even there. Mel and Lindsay.

Justin walked up to the bar and stood behind Brian. “Stop. You’re being ridiculous,” he whispered so that only Brian could hear.

Brian huffed and pulled a bottle of New Castle out of the bar fridge before turning around to face Justin. “You know I’m surprised at you, Sunshine. That cunt insulted you and now you’re defending her?”

The ‘cunt’ in question heard part of their conversation as she walked up to the bar next to them. “To which this ‘cunt’ has apologized, asshole.”

Justin groaned.

“Miss Hathaway, it would be MY honor to get you a drink. Gin Buck, right?” Emmett offered enthusiastically, following Margot over to bar like a loyal little puppy.

A puppy Brian wanted to kick at the moment.

Margot didn’t bother to stop and say hello to Rena, or get introduced to any of the odd assortment of people standing in the entryway. She had her priorities and this boy Emmett seemed to understand that. Right now the only introduction she needed was one with a bottle of her favorite Gin.

“Yes, with lots of ice,” she ordered then turned to Brian. “It’s good to see not all fags are useless dicks.”
 

Brian noticed the cruel twist to her lip and raised his eyebrow at Margot’s retort before turning his glare on Justin. “You expect me to ignore that? You KNOW that deserves a response!” His mind was screaming to tell the bitch off.

Justin rolled his eyes. “Please, the fucking cleaning lady throws worse insults at you on a regular basis, and in two languages, yet you never say a fucking word to her.”

“Don’t EVEN go there! Conchetta is a fucking Godsend. She’s the only woman who understands my relationship with my clothes, and respects it. That’s one, dare I say, ‘relationship’ that I’m not giving up so easily. I’m telling you, Sunshine, if she had a dick, you’d be in trouble,” Brian teased, tongue in cheek.

Justin laughed. “Yeah, well she may respect your clothes, but can she give a decent blow job?” Justin tilted his head to the side, and put his tongue in his cheek, imitating Brian.

“She has her talents, and you have yours, Sunshine,” Brian responded with a gleam in his eyes, and leaned in to give him a quick kiss.

“Besides, you know Margot loves sparring insults with you. You’d just be making her happy,” Justin rationalized as he pulled away from Brian.

Brian pulled his bottom lip in. He knew Justin was right. Best to ignore the bitch for now.

“Ok, boys, out of my way. More bags coming through,” Tom said from the doorway.

Brian turned to see Tom entering the house carrying two heavy bags. Margot’s of course. Bitch brought enough luggage to last a year. He ran to Tom’s side and took them from him. “I told you I’d bring these bags in, you shouldn’t have carried them in by yourself.”

Tom straightened up and gave Brian a deathly look. “The day I can’t carry a lady’s bag in is the day you’ll find me six feet under! Now step aside and let this ‘old’ man see his niece.” Tom looked over to where Rena and Viv were now talking. He always referred to Rena as his niece. He was after all, partly responsible for raising her.

Rena saw Tom and squealed. Brian thought for sure he would go deaf today with all her screeching. He had to smile though, she looked really happy.

“Ah, Rena, my girl, you’re looking fine,” Tom said cheerfully as he pulled her in for an embrace.

“I’m so glad you came, Tom! Come over and meet the gang.”

Rena led Tom and Viv over to the kitchen. Everyone was standing around eating hors d’oeuvres and chatting.

“Everyone, this is my Aunt Viv and Uncle Tom.” Rena made the introductions, which took some time.

Just about everyone was there, including Jennifer and Molly. Everyone except Mel, Lindsay and Gus that is, whose absence was painfully felt by all, though no one dared mention it in front of Brian.

Deb was the first to step forward and break the ice. “Rena has told us all so much about you! I’m so glad you could come!” She pulled Viv in for one of her famous hugs.

Viv let out a small gasp at the embrace, and stiffly tried to return the hug but only managed to pat Deb lightly on the back. Rena laughed.

Rena looked over at John who was standing at the far end of the kitchen. She held her hand out to him. He smiled and walked towards her. “Aunt Viv, I want you to meet someone very special to me.” She took John’s hand. “John, this is my Aunt Viv.”

Viv could hear the slight nervous timber in her voice. Her brows furrowed in concern. Rena never had that tone when speaking about a new lover. Not even Sean whom Viv was sure was the closest Rena ever got to actually loving someone. This man was obviously more then just the man she was currently sleeping with.

John smiled at Viv then leaned forward as if he was going to kiss her. Instead, he turned his head and whispered in her ear.

“I would hug you, but I wouldn’t want to put you in that awkward position twice in one day,” he said then stood up again and winked at her.

Viv smiled. “He’s smart; I’ll give you that, Re. But tell me. Do you love him?”

Several heads turned at Viv’s words, anxious to hear Rena’s response.

Rena looked up at John and smiled softly, her words directed more to him than Viv. “Something awful.”

“Pity. It’s so much easier when you don’t love them.” She turned around to look at Tom. He shot her a warning look back.

Rena caught the silent exchange. “Viv, where is your new husband?” she asked, suddenly realizing Viv came alone. She knew Viv had just recently remarried, again.

“Leopold and I are getting divorced.”

“Divorced! The fucking ink on your marriage license isn’t dry yet! How can you be getting divorced already?” Rena asked, stunned. She knew Viv collected husbands like some people collect stamps, but even this was too much for Viv. She always held onto them for at least a year.

“Fuck that, how the hell could you have married someone named Leopold?” Brian asked joining the group.

“Maybe he was gay,” Vic said under his breath.

“They probably were all gay,” Brian choked out trying to hold his mirth back.

Rena snapped her eyes to Brian sternly. Brian gave her a “what the fuck did I say?” look.

Viv’s eyes narrowed. “Perhaps, but at least I got big settlements from each of my supposedly gay husbands. What have you ever gotten from one of your gay tricks? Besides crabs and the clap that is.”

Viv aimed her cutting remark with amazing accuracy.

“Both of you behave. It doesn’t matter if he was gay or not, I was responsible for the divorce,” Tom interjected before an argument ensued and walked over to stand by Viv’s side. Viv put her arm around him. More than one eyebrow was raised at the familiar gesture.

“Yes, FINALLY, he noticed.” Viv turned her full attention on him, her eyes soft. “For years I’ve been trying to get this man’s attention. Twenty years ago I asked him to marry me and he turned me down. Said his job was to protect me, not fuck me.” Viv laughed, so did everyone else. Tom looked a bit uncomfortable.

“So I went out and got myself married. And I’ve been getting married over and over again ever since trying to get his attention. Leopold put him over the edge. He was Latin, 23 and hung like you wouldn’t believe. And yes, Brian, he was gay.” She actually winked and smiled at him.

Brian laughed.

“Of course he was a total gold digger, but he served his purpose. Tom threw him out of the house the day we came back from our honeymoon and said I was getting married for the last time.” Viv paused for effect. “To him.”

Rena gasped. “No! You and Tom are married?”

“Not yet, my divorce isn’t final. But as soon as it is, we’ll be getting married. And everyone here is invited!” Viv made the grand announcement.

There were cheers and congratulations all around, along with champagne to celebrate the occasion.

Margot wasn’t included in the revelries. She watched the scene from her seat at the bar as if she were examining it for a final cut.

“So, Re, are you going to introduce us to Margot Hathaway!” Michael said excitedly.

Everyone in the room recognized her, and was a little starstruck, but no one made a move to go join her. She was Hollywood royalty.

“Margot, darling, be a dear and bring your 90 proof Hollywood ass over here and meet Rena’s family,” Viv called over to her friend.

Margot turned around and gave the group a look that lived up to her reputation… bored and pompous.

“Jesus, just what we need. Another fucking drama queen.” Deb snapped her gum and went back to check on the turkey.

Brian and Vic laughed.

“If I must.” Margot got up and walked over to the group.

Everyone was introduced and they all got along surprisingly well. The day was actually starting to shape up nicely.

Justin spent most his time talking to his mother and sister. Brian was happy they decided to come. Originally, Jennifer had planned to spend Thanksgiving with her mother in Boston, but Brian convinced her to spend it with them at Rena’s. He knew Justin was feeling guilty over not being able to see them much over the past few months. They needed this time together.

Always the health nut, Ben was busy putting the final touches on his tofu turkey casserole. Mikey said he was doing much better these days. His T cell count was good; for now, the cocktail was working. And little Mikey seemed happier than Brian has ever seen him.

Deb and Vic were little mother hens in the kitchen, leaving Rena time to visit with Viv and Tom. The look on his sister’s face was worth the price of having Margot there.

He had to admit, Emmett was doing them all a favor. He was monopolizing the bitch’s time, which meant his family was spared her particular brand of ‘socializing’.

Brian lounged back on the couch and watched his odd little family, which wasn’t so little anymore, and was pleasantly surprised to find that he was actually enjoying himself. Every now and then Justin would look over at him with that gleam in his eyes, promising him all sorts of carnal pleasures for later that evening. He felt himself stiffen. That little fucker would pay. And he wasn’t going to wait for tonight. He’d sneak him up to the bathroom later to relieve his current situation.

John sat down on the couch next to him, interrupting his thoughts. “Are my eyes deceiving me or are you actually have a good time, Brian?” John asked good-naturedly.

Brian made a face. “Lets just say I’m enduring.”

John laughed.

“Where’s Shane?” Brian asked. He thought she may have been upstairs hiding from Viv. Those two got along as well as he and Margot did.

“She went out earlier. Said she had something to do.”

Brian nodded and took another sip of his champagne. “How’s she doing.”

John sighed. He knew Brian was speaking of Rena, and not Shane. “I’m glad you brought Viv. She’s been very tense lately. Did you know she’s seeing the therapist twice a week now?”

Brian turned to look at him. “No, when did that start?”

“Last week. I asked her if that meant she was making progress. She said what it meant was she wanted to get it over with,” John said, concern heavy in his voice.

Brian looked over at his sister and studied her. She seemed relaxed and happy. She smiled and laughed easily as she talked to Viv and Tom. To the inexperienced eye, one would think she didn’t have a care in the world. Brian knew his sister too well though. Her smile was a little too wide, her laugh a little too forced, and her gestures a little too exaggerated. She was suppressing some serious anxiety.

Fuck, he wished she would talk to him. His eyes narrowed in anger. Anger at himself for not being able to help her, and anger at her for not trusting him to come to him for help.

Rena turned to look at him at that very moment. She saw the look of pain and anger in his eyes and excused herself from the conversation. She got up and walked over to where he sat with John. “John, give me a minute alone with Bean.”

John got up and kissed her on the cheek. “That’s what I love about you, gorgeous. You get right to the point, don’t you?”

Rena blushed, slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so curt.”

“Yes you did.” John laughed and playfully swatted her ass. “Brat,” he said before he walked off.

Rena gave him a halfhearted scowl before turning her attention back to her brother. She sat down next to him. “So, want to tell me what that look was all about?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you started seeing the shrink twice a week?” Brian asked bluntly. It was something they had in common. Their unapologetic way of getting right to the point.

“It’s no big deal. He thinks I need to see him more. Feel’s we’re getting close.” She looked around the room.

Brian noted she wasn’t looking at him. She was avoiding, again. “Re, talk to me.”

She snapped her head around. Her eyes met his. “God, Bean, you are so fucking blind sometimes. Do you think my seizures stem from the night Andy died?” She waited for a response; when none came she continued. “You are so fucking thick sometimes. I was happy that night. I told you so, I said I was glad. Remember? I meant it. You freed Andy. Finally he was free. You released him from that fucking hellish prison Emilian put him in.” She let out a bitter laugh. “That’s one good fucking memory I have. I felt relieved, and happy. At least one of us got away from that monster. Trust me, my seizures didn’t start that night,” she said then quickly averted her eyes. She knew she said too much.

Brian’s eyes widened in shock. He was sure that Rena’s seizures stemmed from watching him take Andy’s life that night. Something as traumatic as watching one brother end the life of your other brother would be enough to give anyone seizures. But there was something in Rena’s tone that made him believe her. That, and the fact that she never lied to him. Oh, she withheld the truth on occasion, but she never lied. Now the question was, if her seizures weren’t rooted in the events of that awful night, then what?

Was it possible Emilian had abused her as well? He couldn’t believe she would hide that from him, or Andy. How could she? Even Andy couldn’t hide the fact that he was being abused; no matter how hard he tried, the evidence was there. If Emilian had abused Rena, when and how? The only time he was away from her was on holidays, and different social occasions where Joan and Jack felt his presence was required for appearance sake. But when he would return home, he didn’t see any difference in Rena. Andy on the other hand, always looked a little sadder, a little more defeated.

Rena got up from the couch and stared down at Brian. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! She saw it in his eyes. He was guessing at the truth. But she wouldn’t let him, not now, not today of all days.

“Bean, stop. I promise you we’ll talk about it, after the holidays. But DON’T make me do this now, ok?” She was pleading with her eyes.

Brian reached up and grabbed her wrist. He pulled her down and kissed her.

“Ok, I promise. But after the holidays, we’re going to sit down and have a long talk. No more hiding, Rena. And talk to your shrink. Don’t hold anything back. I mean anything. Promise?” he asked, his heart suddenly feeling a lot heavier. God would their fucking nightmare ever end?

“ I promise,” she said and smiled sweetly. She stood back up but Brian held on to her wrist.

“I better go find John. He’s been so good to me lately. I hate snapping at him. I do it way too often lately.”

“He’s a big boy, he can handle it. Re, I’m your brother, if you’re feeling stressed and need to vent, you should come to me…”

“I will, I promise,” she said with a small smile. “I just need to work things out by myself first. Please, Brian. I need you to understand, and not worry, ok? Bottom line is, we’re together now. Our family is safe. Whatever was done IS done. Over. It’s time for us to move on. Isn’t that what you’ve been telling me?”

Brian knew when she used his given name, she was serious. Yes, they needed to move on, but moving on was proving more difficult for her to do than he had anticipated. Fuck, he hated feeling this helpless. His sister was suffering, and there was nothing he could do. Well, the least he could do was make it easier on her.

He held her gaze and nodded his head. “Go find your man.” He released his grip on her. “Take him upstairs for a quickie. I hear straight people like that.” He gave her his famous Kinney smirk.

She laughed easily. Brian felt the heaviness in his chest lift a bit.

“Oh, like you never gave Justin a quickie?”

Brian made a face. “Please, Brian Kinney does NOT do quickies.” He winked at her.

“Yeah, well at your age, it must take more time to get it up.” She had to quickly step out of the way to avoid the pillow he threw at her.

She left him laughing in search of John.

Justin watched the whole exchange with a worried frown. He went over to sit by Brian. “What did she say?” From the look on Brian’s face, he could tell he was getting suspicious. No one knew Rena better than Brian, and Brian had to know Rena was hiding something from him.

Though he’d been pressing Rena to tell Brian about the rape, knowing the longer she waited, the harder it was going to be, he now hoped she would hold off telling him until after the holidays. He didn’t need for Brian to have another reason to hate the holidays. Justin didn’t even want to think what Brian’s reaction would be when he learned the truth.

“It’s what she didn’t say.”

Justin nodded. Brian knew she was holding something from him. He could see the wheels turning in his head. He needed to distract him.

“I’m going to Boston to visit my grandmother with Mom and Molly,” he announced perkily.

Brian looked at Justin and was rewarded with one of his million dollar smiles.

“When?”

“We’re leaving tomorrow. And I’ll only be gone a few days. I’ll be back this Sunday. I haven’t seen Nana in a long time. We’ll shop, take it some shows, it will be great. Why don’t you come with me?” Justin asked, knowing Brian would refuse. Spending three days with his mom and nana would make Brian insane. Besides, they wouldn’t be able to sleep in the same room at nana’s house.

Brian snorted. “First, your mother barely tolerates me, and second your Nana would have a heart attack the first time she saw me kiss you. Have you even told her you’re gay yet?”

Justin blushed. “Uh, well no. It just never really came up.” Justin knew it was a paltry excuse at best.

“Come on, Sunshine, you can do better than that,” Brian taunted mischievously.

Justin had no trouble telling his parents and the world he was gay, but when it came to his Nana, Justin didn’t want to hurt her. Craig, he could give a shit about, and his mother, well he trusted Jen to be strong enough to handle it, but Justin’s nana was old and fragile, and Justin loved the woman and didn’t want to cause her any pain. Brian knew that if she had asked, Justin wouldn’t lie. He was, however, glad she never asked. Brian couldn’t help but tease him about it.

“Ok, I haven’t told her because you’re right, she would have a heart attack. The woman is in her eighties and a bigger wasp than my mother! To be honest though, I think she knows. It’s just one of those ‘wasp’ traditions where everyone knows something, but tactfully avoids mentioning it. The last time I visited her she introduced me to her friend. The woman remarked how handsome I was and asked if I had a girlfriend. Nana tactfully told the woman that I was a ‘serious’ young man who didn’t have time for the ladies. Yeah, I think she knows.” Justin smiled remembering his Nana telling that woman the lie with her haughty demeanor.

Brian laughed. “She’s a pip. And you’re probably right. You go, have some fun. It will make your mother happy. I’ll let you know if there are any developments here,” Brian said, referring to James’s mission. They hadn’t heard from him yet, but he said it would be at least a week or more before he would contact them.

“I still wish you would come with me.” Justin leaned over and kissed Brian’s neck. “I can introduce you to Nana as my ‘serious man friend’. I can just see her face. I wonder if she’d appreciate my tact,” Justin said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Brian gently pushed Justin away. “You’ve a vicious streak in you, young man. I’m going to have to do something about that,” Brian threatened with a smoldering look.

“Uuh ohh…” Justin ran his hand down Brian’s arm. “Should I be scared?” he asked, his eyes hooded with lust.

Brian was about to reply when a voice rang out from the entry hall.

“Holy Shit! When the fuck did you get here?” Shane said from the doorway. Her eyes glued on Viv’s. Adam was standing by her side.

Everyone turned around to see Shane and Adam standing in the entryway.

But it was who stood behind them that made Brian gasp and call out in a voice that almost matched Rena’s earlier screech of delight.

Standing behind Shane and Adam, were Lindsay, Melanie, and…

“Gus!”…

 

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