Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 52

“There is nothing in this world clear as black on white, except for what I feel” ~ Author Unknown…

***

“What the fuck did you do now, Kinney? I expect EVERYONE to be there! It’s Thanksgiving for fucks sakes!” Deb screeched into the phone then, as if an afterthought, she added, “Asshole.”

Brian rolled over and pulled the phone away from his ear. He took a moment to get his bearings straight before he rolled back. “Do I really need this shit at…” Brian squinted at the alarm clock on his nightstand. “At eight in the morning?” he growled into the phone. His mind and body were fighting to go back to sleep.

Justin murmured in protest next to him.

“Shhh… Go back to sleep,” Brian said soothingly and pulled the sheet up over him. He could only hope Justin didn’t wake with the bitch of a hangover that he had.

“Who the fuck are you shushing?” Brian cringed as Deb’s voice slashed through his brain like a knife.

“Jesus, Deb, keep your voice down, I’m not deaf. You’re going to wake Justin up!”

“Don’t change the subject, asshole. What the fuck did you do?!”

“Deb what the fuck are you talking about?” Brian asked rubbing is aching temples.

“I’m talking about the fucking call I got from Emmett last night saying he wasn’t coming to Thanksgiving dinner! I can smell your hand in this Kinney, what the fuck did you do to him?” Deb accused in typical Deb fashion.

Brian sighed. Fucking Emmett. He must have called her sometime during the night. Probably before Justin had a chance to talk to him.

“Deb, I don’t care what Emmett told you, he will be there. He’s just being a fucking drama queen; it’s what he does best.”

“Yeah, well how do you know for sure? He’s not answering his phone! What the fuck did you do to him?”

“Fuck, Deb! Why do you always assume I’m to blame when someone fucks up?” he asked grumpily.

“Because the boys look up to you, Brian, whether you want to admit it or not. And usually when they do something stupid, it’s because they are either trying to impress you or be like you. Problem is, no one can fuck up like you do. They just don’t have the knack for it. For you, it’s a talent.” Her words reminded Brian of what Andy said to him in his dream the other night.

‘…fucking up is your talent…’ God, they were right. But it was a talent he was determined to put to rest.

“Yeah, well don’t get your pantyhose in a knot, Deb. Emmett spent the night here at the loft. He was feeling a little depressed over James leaving. That’s all. Justin and I took him out and put one on. He’ll be fine. We’ll be at Rena’s by one like we planned.”

“You better! It’s your sister’s first Thanksgiving with us. I don’t want you fucking it up! Oh, and tell Sunshine I said Happy Thanksgiving,” she added in a suddenly cheerful voice.

Brian snorted. “What? No Thanksgiving wish for me, Mother Novotny?” It was hard to miss the sarcasm in his voice.

“Sunshine actually likes holidays. You on the other hand are a miserable bastard every holiday. You scorn and ridicule them as ‘hedonistic rituals’ of straight society. Why should I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving when I know you’d rather be getting your dick sucked than sitting down to dinner with your family?”

Brian grimaced. He couldn’t argue that point. He always hated the holidays. Holidays at his house were NEVER pleasant. He was always forced to spend them with Jack and Joan. He never got to spend them with Rena and Andy. And every holiday Jack got drunk and beat him. What was there to like about holidays?

“Yeah well, it doesn’t stop you from forcing me to come to these events. You could at least try to make them pleasant for me.”

Deb laughed. “What do you want me to do? Serve cock instead of turkey?”

“Ha.” Brian let out the sarcastic laugh. “You’re a fucking riot, Deb. Though it’s not such a bad idea…”

Deb laughed again. “Though you might appreciate it, I don’t think Mel and Lins would.” She immediately regretted her words.

Mel and Lindsay were not coming to Thanksgiving dinner. It would be the first time since they’ve all known each other that they wouldn’t be spending the holiday together. Worse was that Brian wouldn’t be spending it with his son.

“Fuck, Brian, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Fuck it,” Brian said cutting her off. “Not your fault. Listen, I got to go. If we’re going to be there in time, I have to get Sunshine up. Later.” He hung up the phone without giving Deb a chance to say anything else.

Truth was, Deb’s words had stung. He was all too aware that he wasn’t going to see his son today. He had tried to drown out that painful reality last night. Justin had sensed it and let Brian drink to excess without once saying a word. He didn’t even blink when Brian took some E Anita had given him. This morning of course, he felt guilty. Here he was trying to kick his old pain management habits and at the first sign of trouble, he slipped. Great, Kinney, let the kid down again.

Brian rolled over and gingerly swung his feet over the side of the bed. His head was pounding. He couldn’t believe it was Thanksgiving already. It seemed like only yesterday they were putting James on a plane to D.C. Wait, Kinney, think, it WAS only yesterday! Brian groaned as his mind drifted over the past week.

Once Justin had agreed to James’ plan, which was easier than Brian had anticipated, things started moving fast.

It really only took one simple question from James to get Justin’s consent. ‘Do you think Hobbs is capable of doing what he did to you, to someone else?’

Justin never took into account the possibility that Hobbs might harm another gay person someday. Once considered, it took Justin all of three minutes to make his decision.

It wasn’t in Justin’s nature to do nothing, knowing that there was a chance someone might get hurt. His gut reaction would be to act, and Brian counted on that “impulsive gut reaction” to get Justin to agree to the plan.

He wasn’t disappointed.

Justin had conceded to go along with the plan, but with some stipulations. He wanted to be in on all phases and he wanted final say of the outcome. James and Brian agreed.

Phase one of James’ plan was to find out how dangerous Hobbs really was. They knew what Hobbs was capable of, Justin was proof of that. But did he truly intend to kill Justin, or just hurt him? Brian, ever the cynic, believed Hobbs intended to kill Justin, but Justin brought up the possibility that maybe he just intended to hurt him bad. The attack was planned, but were the results?

The only way to find out was for James to get close enough to Hobbs to see what the young man had under his fingernails, what secrets he was keeping, what his thoughts were.

And there was only one way to do that. James was going undercover.

James left for D.C. yesterday morning. Brian had driven him to the airport. He was going to contact ‘friends’ of his from the agency who could help him get the necessary papers in order to create a new identity. When he returned, he would be undercover. No one he knew from the Pitts would know he was back, or what he was doing.

They had explained his sudden departure to their friends and family as an unexpected family emergency, stating that his grandmother in Russia was ill and the family was being asked, upon her request, to spend the holidays with her. That would excuse his absence for the next few months.

Rena was suspicious but said nothing. It wasn’t unusual for James to take off suddenly on mysterious trips. He had done it several times in the past since being with Rena. Rena understood that on occasion, James still did jobs for the government.

Shane, too, understood James’ ‘trips’ and took his sudden departure in stride.

Deb was a bit disappointed he wouldn’t be with them during the holidays, knowing how important he was to both Brian and Rena, but other than that, the ruse was easy to pitch.

Emmett, however, proved to be a problem.

Brian cringed as he replayed the scene last night in his head. Fucking James left without saying goodbye to Emmett. He had asked Brian and Justin to explain to him the situation. He knew he couldn’t lie to Emmett, and he didn’t want him involved. Not yet at least. James wanted to protect Emmett as much as possible. So he left it up to them to tell Emmett the story they told everyone else.

Of course, Emmett didn’t buy one word of it. He had queened out, big time even by Emmett standards. He just KNEW something bad had happened to his “Jamesy”.

Brian grimaced at the memory.

He cried, screamed, got hysterical, threatened physical bodily harm, and in the end, told him and Justin to fuck off. Thank God Justin was able to get through to him. Brian was ready to strangle him.

Without going into detail, Justin told Emmett the truth. He told Emmett about getting his memory back and what he remembered about Hobbs. Emmett freaked when he heard that part and started crying. He hugged Justin and cursed Hobbs vehemently, wishing all sorts of horrid things on his head. Justin blushed and hugged Emmett back, he loved that Emmett was so loyal to him.

Justin explained to him that after hearing what Justin had remembered about that night, James felt that Hobbs could be more dangerous then anyone realized, so he went to Washington to ask an old friend of his to do some investigating. Justin left out the part about James planning to be the one doing the actual investigating. Up front and personal.

He told Emmett that James didn’t want anyone to know where he was going. He reminded Emmett of James past ‘profession’, and how secretive that part of his life was. Emmett nodded in understanding. Though James didn’t tell him much about his past, he knew James used to work undercover for the government.

The confrontation with Emmett took up most of the night. It gave Brian a splitting headache and he was ready to explode. Justin noted his mood and suggested that they all to go Babylon to let off some steam.

Babylon was hopping. It was the night before Thanksgiving and everyone was in a festive mood. They all got pretty wasted.

Brian didn’t intend to get so fucked up but between the trouble at work, the situation with Lindsay and Mel, Shane cutting again, Justin getting his memory back, and his mothers’ revelation that he had a gay uncle, it was all Brian could do not to slit his wrists.

The party was over when Emmett threw up all over a trick in the back room. Brian grabbed Justin and hauled Emmett out of there. He called car service to take them back to the loft. Emmett was currently crashed on their couch.

“Brian, what’s wrong?” Justin asked sleepily as he pushed himself up from the bed.

Brian let out a breath and turned to face him. “That was Deb. She just wanted to make sure we’ll be there on time.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Justin sat up next to Brian, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“What’s WRONG?” he asked again.

Brian smiled sadly. “Can’t hide anything from you, huh?”

Justin smiled and shook his head.

Brian sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Fucking Slatter,” was all he said.

Justin understood.

Adam had promised Brian that he would talk to Lins and Mel this week about the situation with Gus. Brian was hoping Adam could get them to come to some sort of agreement, or at least have a sit down with him.

But they hadn’t heard a word from Slatter all week. Robert had tried to contact him several times, and had yet to receive a call back. And now, on Thanksgiving, Brian would have to spend the day without his son.

Justin wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist and leaned his head on his shoulder. “We could go over to their house and ask to see him. I don’t think Lindsay would throw us out on Thanksgiving.”

Brian thought about it for a moment. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want Gus to witness anything bad should it turn into an argument. I don’t want his memories of the holidays being bad.”

Justin nodded and placed a kiss on Brian’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Sorry’s bullshit, you know better than that. There is nothing to be sorry about. It’s just one day. I will get my parental rights back.”

Silence ensued. After a few moments, Justin spoke again. “How are you feeling?”

“Besides this bitch of a hangover I got?”

Justin laughed. “We definitely need some aspirin.”

“You’re allergic, remember?”

“Then it’s Grandma’s special “day after” tonic,” Justin said as he rose from the bed.

Brian grabbed his arm and pulled him around. “Not so fast, Sunshine.” He placed his hands on Justin’s hips and positioned him between his legs. He pressed his morning hard on up against Justin’s.

“Mmmmm…” Justin murmured and leaned forward to kiss him. “Now there’s a remedy I’m “up” for.” Justin cringed at his own pun.

Brian laughed.

“Good God, what the fuck was that shit Anita gave us!” Emmett burst into the bedroom unannounced and unwelcome. He was wearing nothing but white briefs, and a makeshift ice bag on his head.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Honeycutt, I’m trying to get laid here! Get your fucking Fruit of the Loom clad ass out of here! Looking at them is making my dick soft!

“Fuck that, move over,” Emmett said and unceremoniously plopped down on the bed next to him. Justin laughed and pulled away from Brian.

“Mother fucker!” Brian screeched and scooted over to give Emmett room.

“I’m dying, Brian, don’t start with me. My head feels like it’s going to burst into a million pieces any minute,” he complained in a whiney voice.

Brian pulled the sheets around him to cover his now deflating erection. He stood up and turned to face Emmett. “You’re not dying. Yet. Though if you don’t get the fuck out of my bed, that situation is going to change. AND Fast.”

Instead of heeding Brian’s warning, Emmett turned into the mattress and buried his face. He was practically crying. “Have pity, Bri, I’m think I’m really dying! I’ve never had a hangover this bad!” The makeshift ice bag was now starting to sweat all over Brian’s designer sheets.

Brian cursed. “Fucking drama queen. You’re ruining my Milano Italian sheets!” Brian took the dripping ice bag away from Emmett and threw it on the floor. Emmett pulled the duvet up over his head.

“You’re not dying, you’re just not used to partying so heavy. It’s called getting old, Honeycutt. Deal with it.”

He turned to Justin. “Sunshine, do me a favor, make Emmett and me some of your Grandma’s special tonic.” He winced at the sound of his own voice. God he was hung over.

Justin smiled and kissed Brian. He pulled on a pair of sweats before he headed out to the kitchen. Brian sat back down on the bed and tried to will his headache away.

Ten minutes later Justin returned with the magic tonic only to find the two lying in bed side by side, eyes closed. Emmett was now curled into Brian’s side, his arm draped across Brian’s waist. A suspicious noise that sounded like a snore was coming from Brian’s prone figure.

Justin smiled at the two and sat on the edge of the bed. He reached over and gently brushed a wayward strand of hair from Brian’s forehead. He loved watching Brian sleep.

“Hey, sleeping beauty. I have your tonic. You know you have to drink it before it loses its bite.”

Brian opened one eye and leered at Justin. “Get…him…off…of… me…” he said, pacing out the words menacingly.

Justin laughed and gently rolled Emmett over.

Brian sat up and groaned loudly. “Give me my poison.” He held out his hand and Justin handed him the glass. Brian sat on the edge of the bed and drank the dark liquid down in one gulp. “Why do I do this to myself?” he asked out loud in a raspy voice, his face contorted from the awful taste of the tonic.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve had a pretty rough week. Besides, you were careful. You didn’t take that second hit of E, and you turned down several offers of bump. I’d say that’s an improvement.” Justin smiled and took the glass from him and placed it on the Fenton nightstand by the bed.

Brian looked up at him. “You’re monitoring me, Sunshine?”

Justin tilted his head recognizing the dangerous tone of Brian’s voice. “No, I just notice things. I can’t help it. It’s a habit.” He gave Brian one of his million watt smiles. “I’m always watching you. I love watching you. I love watching you sleep. I love watching you eat; I really love watching you fuck. Um, me that is,” he added with a mischievous grin that made Brian instantly hard.

“I love watching you at Babylon when the neon lights hit you just right. God, you look so hot when you’re dancing under those lights. I love watching the way your body moves and bends to the music.” Justin moved to stand in-between his legs. He cupped his chin with his hand and ran his thumb over Brian’s bottom lip.

“I love watching your mouth when you talk, especially when you’re trying to convince someone of something. There’s something very sensual about how your mouth moves and the way you snake the tip of your tongue out and run it along your bottom lip when you’ve just finished making a point. You do it so quickly; it’s almost undetectable.” Justin leaned in and imitated the movement by gliding his tongue over Brian’s bottom lip. Brian moaned and opened his mouth to give him better access, but Justin pulled away.

“I love watching the way you put your tongue in your cheek when you’re contemplating something, or when you think you’ve just said something particularly clever.” Justin let out a small laugh at the look of feigned indignation on Brian’s face.

“I love how you pull your bottom lip in when you’re unsure of what to say next,” Justin said, his voice taking on a serious tone.

He stepped back and bent slightly at the waist, bringing his eyes level with Brian’s. He took a moment to stare into the hazel depths of them.

“But most of all, I love watching your eyes. You speak with your eyes Brian. I didn’t have to see you turn down those offers of bump to know you were not going to take them to begin with. The whole night you were getting ripped, you were conscious of how much you were consuming. Yes, you drank a lot, and took a hit of E, but you stopped yourself before you ‘lost’ yourself. When in pain management mode, the goal is to ‘lose’ yourself. With whatever it takes. Drugs, booze, sex… But last night, you didn’t want to lose yourself. And yeah, I noticed. Now, is that monitoring you? No. It’s just the results of a selfish habit I’ve picked up over the years,” Justin clarified as he held Brian’s gaze.

Brian was completely blown away by Justin’s words. It amazed him that after all they had been through, Justin still loved him with an adoration that was staggering. He wondered, not for the first time, what he did to deserve the kid.

For the longest time, his life was so empty; just a series of unfortunate events and one night stands. Time spent just filling the void until ‘he’ came along. And then one fateful night Brian looked up and saw his past, and his future standing under that lamppost. It was that night that his life began again.

God, was there a time before Justin? He could barely remember now. But he was always there, wasn’t he? He was in Andy’s vision. Since he was a young boy, Justin was there.

“You know, Sunshine, before there was you, there was you.” He had no idea where the words came from, or if they even made sense.

But Justin understood. He smiled and said. “I know. Andy’s vision.”

Brian reached up and pulled him in for a kiss. He kissed him deeply, and thoroughly and with a passion that was soul rendering. As always, his kiss spoke volumes to Justin. When he finally pulled away, they were both breathless.

Brian held Justin’s face in his hands. His thumbs traced Justin’s cheekbones. God he was so beautiful. Deep in his soul, he knew he would never love this way again.

Justin heard him. “I love you, too.”

Brian smiled.

“You know, Sunshine, you don’t have to say the words for me. I’m perfectly capable of saying them myself.”

Justin laughed. “I know. You’ve said them twice so far. The first time I forgot, and it took you two years to say them again.”

“I’ve said it that many times?” Brian feigned outrage.

“What can I say? You spoil me.” Justin laughed and kissed the tip of his nose.

“As if you would have it any other way. Andy should have warned me how high maintenance you were going to be.” Brian playfully swatted Justin’s ass.

“Ouch!”

“Speaking of Andy, I had a dream of him the other night.”

“Oh?” Justin said, waiting for Brian to elaborate.

“Yeah. He said to tell you the answer is yes. Have any idea what he meant?” Brian asked in a light voice. He didn’t want to freak Justin out by telling him he believed he had a ‘visit’ from Andy, and not just a dream.

Justin’s eyes grew large. “No shit!” He reached over to the nightstand by Brian’s side of the bed and pulled the old photo from the top drawer.

He held it out to Brian. “I hope you don’t mind, but sometimes I take this picture out and talk to Andy. I don’t know why, but it’s comforting. I can’t believe he actually answered me!”

Brian took the photo of Andy, Rena and him from Justin and looked at it.

“What did you ask him?” he asked absentmindedly as he stared at the photo of them as kids. His mind drifted back to a time when things were so much simpler. When they were carefree and happy. Before Andy got sick.

“I asked him if you’d ever be that happy again,” Justin said quietly.

Brian looked over at him. “You make me happy.”

Justin’s eyes started to tear up.

Brian sighed dramatically breaking the WAY too lesbianic moment.

“I’ve enough to deal with Emmett’s hysterics, Sunshine, don’t you start in on me.” He said in a light teasing voice.

Justin let out shaky laugh. He knew the conversation was getting way to emotional for Brian, but Justin reveled in every word being spoken between them. It was one of those rare moments when Brian let his guard down, and stood emotionally naked before him.

This day, this very moment, would forever be etched into his brain. He wiped his eyes, and took the photo away from Brian and carefully placed it back in the drawer.

“You know how my fucking allergies act up during this time of year. “

Brian laughed. “Yeah, I know.”

“Shower?” he asked abruptly changing the subject as he stood up from the bed. He grabbed Justin’s’ hand and dragged him towards the bathroom.

“Um, we better lock the bathroom door. We don’t want Emmett walking in on us,” Justin said sheepishly as they entered the bathroom.

Brian released Justin and turned the water on.

“That queen walks in on us and I swear I’ll rip him a new one,” he said as he adjusted the temperature of the water. Brian liked his showers hot, but he was careful not to make them too hot. Justin’s skin was too delicate for the heat Brian was used to.

He turned back to Justin, a seductive leer plastered on his handsome features.

Justin’s body instinctively reacted to it. Steam started to fill the room, and Justin’s cock grew instantly hard. His eyes grew dark with his passion.

“Here, let me help you out of those.” Brian dipped his hands into Justin’s sweats and pulled them down.

“Mmm…I don’t think Emmett would consider you ripping him a new one, as a bad thing,” Justin teased as he stepped out of his pants.

Brian laughed and walked Justin backwards till they reached the bathroom door. He pushed Justin up against it and locked it behind his back.

“Fuck him. Better yet, fuck me…”

And that’s exactly what Justin did…

Outside the bathroom Emmett woke to the shrill sound of the phone ringing. He cursed and blindly reached for it, knocking over someone’s watch, and a glass of some foul smelling dark liquid. His hand curled around the receiver as he brought it to his ear.

“Hello…” he said groggily into the phone.

“You sound like you swallowed a frog. The result of too much drinking and drugging I presume. Well, never mind. My flight comes in at eleven. Get your hung over ass to the airport and pick me up,” the woman on the other end of the phone said.

Emmett struggled to sit up. “I’m sorry, who is this?” Emmett asked in a very groggy, confused voice.

“Why it’s Aunty Viv of course!”


 

Return to Before There Was You, There Was You